Ep.138: Faith-informed fertility decisions, with Fr. Michael Novotny

As Christians, our faith has a heavy influence on all of our important decisions in life: spouse, jobs, finances, moves. But what about our fertility decision? How can our faith guide us when it comes to questions about contraception, sterilization, or sexual union within marriage? Fr. Michael Novotny joins us to talk about why he discusses these important topics with every engaged couple he counsels, as well as married couples within his church.

NOTE: This episode does use terminology like "sexual intercourse" and may not be appropriate for all audiences.

GUEST BIO:
Fr. Michael has been the Rector of Christ the King Anglican Church since June 2017 and has attended with his wife, Jennifer, since 2010. He is a graduate of Beeson Divinity School (M.Div 2013) having received Holy Orders in the Anglican Church in North America in 2016. Prior to becoming Rector of CTK he served as the Christian Studies department chair and Dean of Students/Spiritual Life at a local Christian high school. He is married to the love of his life, Jennifer. Together they have five children, Levi, Priscilla, Ruth, Joseph, and Samuel (of blessed memory). Fr. Michael’s desire as a priest is to “equip the saints for the work of ministry,” and help train up the next generation of clergy and lay leaders. Fr. Michael also serves as the Dean of the Central Alabama Deanery in the Anglican Diocese of the South.

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Free Resources:
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Other Woven Well Episodes centered on faith:
God's Invitation to Connection
Should we think theologically about fertility?
Is contraception a faithful choice for Christians?
Prayer Guide for the Female Body Episode
How important are our bodies, really?

Transcript

Caitlin: 0:06

Welcome to the Woven Well Podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Estes. I'm a certified fertility care practitioner with a master of divinity degree. Each episode will cover a topic that helps educate and empower you and your fertility while honoring the deep connection your fertility has with your faith. Let's get started. We here at Woven Well want to intentionally honor the deep connection between our fertility and our faith. Now, while most of our episodes are on fertility topics like unexplained infertility, endometriosis, natural family planning, faith in its role in our fertility decisions are never far away. As Christians, our faith impacts every aspect of our lives, but sometimes it's hard to know what that means for our fertility. Each story is different. Each couple is unique. How can we allow our faith to guide us as we ask very real questions about fertility in our marriages, like when to have children, how to go about it, and how much of a role God plays in it all. Thankfully, we are not alone in figuring this out . We have communities of faith. We have trusted faith leaders who offer valuable support and guidance. Today, I'm excited to introduce you to one of those leaders in Father Michael Novotny . Father Michael is the rector of Christ, the King Anglican Church, where he seeks to equip the saints for the work of ministry. He lives in Birmingham, Alabama with his wife, Jennifer and their children. Father Michael, welcome to the show.

Fr. Michael: 1:40

Caitlin, thank you so much for having me.

Caitlin: 1:44

I am really glad that you're here. You and I know, we have several families that attend Christ the King who work with me, and many of them say that they first started considering what role faith plays when it comes to their fertility while they were going through premarital counseling with you. So I would love to hear what first prompted you to even discuss this topic with your engaged couples.

Fr. Michael: 2:12

Yeah. Well, first , let me say thank you for shepherding those couples that are now happily married, through these important discussions that the church ought to be having. So thank you for your ministry and work with them. I know it's born fruit in their lives , in the life of our parish. So, so thank you, Caitlin.

Caitlin: 2:34

Thank you. Very kind

Fr. Michael: 2:36

And , you're welcome. So, as , as many things often do , the conversation that I have , or at least kind of , I open up the conversation for really all things surrounding fertility in premarital counseling , has this genesis in my wife and I's, kind of, movement towards natural family planning. Our oldest son , Levi, before he was born, Jennifer and I decided to make a transition to natural family planning. And , we had several people at the church that we were at, which actually wasn't that Christ the King Anglican Church before I was ordained or was the rector here, that is the senior pastor. And we began to think and to pray , and the Lord by the Spirit really pricked our conscience to move towards natural family planning. And so that was a part of our story early on, and I felt that we, that at least I ought to include those conversations within premarital counseling. It was not a part of our premarital counseling. And overall we had a good experience, with a wonderful pastor that did ours . But for whatever reason , issues surrounding fertility were just not discussed. So I wanted to include that for those that I would be, well, God joining them in marriage, but I would be counseling them and officiating their wedding.

Caitlin: 4:11

I love that your motivation for sharing it came from your own life experience and your own wrestling with the Holy Spirit about how to incorporate your faith into your life, even in this area that you're right isn't always talked about, but is deeply meaningful and deeply important in the lives of Christian couples. I think that it can be a real challenge for Christians to know where to look for intelligent, faithful conversations about topics like procreation, fertility treatments, the meaning of sex. You know, all of it is so important. And of course, the Catholic Church has been a pretty consistent voice in these areas, but I'm really curious to hear what the Anglican Church has to say.

Fr. Michael: 4:57

Yeah, that , that's right. I think many of us who find ourselves in, you know , in the Protestant tradition, though I would say we're as Anglicans are part of that Catholic tradition as well. We're not of course, part of the Roman Catholic tradition, but our brothers and sisters in the Roman Church have done a great job of articulating very clearly these positions that I think are justified theologically and within the great tradition of the Christian Church. In terms of Anglicanism, you know, our Anglicans, we don't have a magisterium like the Roman church, so we don't have definitive kind of "you musts" as it were surrounding these fertility issues. But and many Anglicans may not know this, however, in 19, I think it was 30 , it was in the thirties, I think it was 1930 , we had one of our Lambeth conferences. And there were resolutions written in the thirties in the Anglican communion dealing with basically natural family planning. Of course, things like IVF and these things weren't, weren't a thing. Actually, the pill would not be invented for another three decades. So those things were not a part of these resolutions. And , if you would suffer me for a moment, I would like to read just a couple sentences from a few of those resolutions to give your listeners kind of the Anglican perspective. Let me read this first one, resolution 13, and I quote, "the primary purpose for which marriage exists is the procreation of children." And then da da , it goes on. It's a , it's a pretty powerful statement. Resolution 14. The next one, the conference affirms and I quote, "the Duty of Parenthood as the glory of married life, the benefit of a family as a joy in itself, as a vital contribution to the nation's welfare, and as a means of character building for both parents and children, the privilege of discipline and sacrifice to this end." So those are, you know, in step we would say with many other traditions out there, the Roman church included. But resolution 15 is, is where there's a bit of a departing. It says in resolution 15 here, where there is clearly felt moral obligation to limit or avoid parenthood, the method must be decided on Christian principles. The primary and obvious method is complete abstinence from intercourse in a life of discipline and self-control lived in the power of the Holy Spirit. It goes on to say, nevertheless, in those cases where there is such a clearly felt moral obligation to limit or avoid parenthood, and where there is a morally sound reason for avoiding complete abstinence, the conference agrees that other methods may be used, provided that this is done in the light of the same Christian principles. And then finally, last sentence, the conference records its strong condemnation of the use of any methods of contraception control from motives of selfishness, luxury, or mere convenience. I know that that was a long quote, so thank you for suffering me reading resolution 15, not worth it. So , we as Anglicans firmly fall on the side that procreation is the first and, and the greatest kind of reason for marriage. There are other glorious things that accompany marriage , but it's given primarily for the procreation of children. We're on record as, as believing that we're also on record as , as believing that for whatever reason that is , a moral reason grounded in the Christian tradition. And scriptures a married couple does not, you know, does not want to have kids at some certain time in life. And , you know, as well as I do, there are all sorts of justifications. I think most of them not as justified as the people might think, but abstinence, as I read in one of the articles there, resolutions rather, it says abstinence, is that if you don't want to have children, then abstinence is the way forward. And you'll notice there in resolution 15, there was an allowance for contraception to be utilized, but there has to be a moral justification within the Christian tradition. So , in the Roman Catholic Church, their teaching is very clear, of course, no contraception at any point. And I like to challenge our people when I do pre-marriage counseling to kind of acquiesce to that position out of freedom, if that makes sense. And to utilize natural family planning in particular. But what we see on the ground; recently there was a survey done, I think it was in the last, within the last 10 to 12 years, that within the Roman church, only about 3 to 5% of Roman Catholics actually practice what is the law. So for us as Anglicans, we don't make it a law. We do make a few exceptions here and there, but, but we make it difficult to get to those exceptions. So there's grace. So we want to move towards the heart and the mind , being open to things like natural family planning without decreeing it as sin. So that's where kind of all of my Anglican premarital counseling comes from. Specific to having, yeah , to having children. If I may say, kind of, one other thing on that, Caitlin, the first words out of my mouth to any couple that comes to pre-marriage counseling with me , if you are not ready to have children, then you're not ready to be married.

Caitlin: 11:05

That is such good wise counsel .

Fr. Michael: 11:09

Yeah. They grant two children. We pray for that matter of fact , at the beginning of of our liturgy for holy matrimony, it says this, the union of a husband and wife, I'm reading from our prayer book in heart, body and mind was ordained by God for the procreation of children and their nurture and the knowledge and the love of the Lord. Now it goes on for other things, for mutual joy, help and comfort the procreation. Is that the beginning?

Caitlin: 11:36

I really appreciate you sharing that, the background and how you go about talking about it, but especially the first thing that you say to couples, because there are lots of reasons why there may not be a particular moment when it is the right time, but that openness and that awareness that marriage and procreation go hand in hand, you, you cannot have them be disconnected, is so important. And I do think that we live in a time and a culture which tries to pretend like they are completely separate things. That's right . And so acknowledging that they are connected and that is a good and holy thing designed by God for our flourishing and for our sanctification Is really important conversation to be happening in pre-marriage counseling. So I appreciate that. Now whatever denomination or church a couple belongs to, I'm always trying to encourage them to talk with their pastor or priest. About these topics, because obviously you all can be incredible resources for couples, they're investigating these things. So when a couple comes to you with questions that are maybe specific about contraception or sterilization procedures like vasectomies or IVF, what resources or counsel have you found to be the most helpful?

Fr. Michael: 13:02

Yeah, great question. In terms of of resources, there's one book that I was introduced to several years ago by Father Zach Clemons . He's the curate that is , he's the assisting priest , full-time here at the church. And Father Zach actually recently asked my permission to walk our people through an entire class that dealt with sexuality with IVF, with natural family planning, kind of abortion, all of these things ; it was wonderfully well received. But Zach turned me onto a book by an Anglican theologian, and it's actually a fairly short book, called Begotten or Made.

Caitlin: 13:42

Donovan.

Fr. Michael: 13:42

Yeah, Oliver O'Donovan. That's right. An Anglican, I think he's a priest actually. He's an ethicist as well. That book is it's accessible to laity . That book is probably the best resource that I've, that I've found that is out there. And if they don't have necessarily time to read that out outright, you know, through Sunday school classes in my premarital counseling , I give some of his rationale and theological presuppositions in those times and in those settings.

Caitlin: 14:12

Yeah, I know of that writing and I love that you're offering that to people and talking about those authors out there and pieces that have been really impactful for you and your staff and making sure to pass that on. Those are kind of big picture resources, but I'm also always curious about what you say to the people that come to you. So is there any advice or instruction related to these topics, or the overall topic of fertility, that you offer your congregation that maybe you'd like to share with our listeners?

Fr. Michael: 14:47

I found that it's very helpful to have these conversations one-on-one or premarital counseling. It is good occasionally, of course, to preach on these things. But so much of the rubber meets the road in one on two in terms of discipling a married couple or a couple that's engaged . You know, some of the things that I, that I tell people , of course, as I already mentioned, you know, if you're not ready to have kids, you're not really ready to be, to be married. I encourage our people to follow natural family planning, in addition to that this notion that a man or a woman in a marriage can actually not practice chastity. I know that sounds odd, but you know , for my wife Jennifer and I who practice naturally natural family planning, you know, there's a 12 day window ish in which we, you know, we do not engage in, in sexual intercourse following the NFP. Like there , there's a chastity that has that that emerges kind of out of that. It's a self denial to keep marriage and sex linked with procreation. You know , in addition, like is it sinful to have, you know, a vasectomy? Is it sinful? No, we use Anglican church. We don't, we don't say this is complete sin, but we, I like to ask our our men to , to think about kind of downstream what that communicates. Does that make sense? Where I tell people all the time because it's been told to me I didn't make this up, that our theology at one point or another is going to get cashed out in reality. And so that's why it's so important to be thinking through and parsing out with someone else , your pastor, your priest , mature Christian brothers and sisters in the faith, processing, thinking through if , what does scripture say if scripture isn't definitive about it, what theological and philosophical conclusions then are we making if we practice x over here or y over here? But I would say finally on this, on this topic here, this question writing , just getting my people and myself and my wife to see that so often we function out of selfishness in everything that we do. And that , in our conversations about fertility and the , and sexual relations, all of that, we see selfishness at play. And I want to revisit just for a moment, the end of resolution 15. This conference records its strong condemnation of the use of any method of contraception, control from motives of selfishness, luxury, or mirror convenience. I tell our people, a lot of times, our decisions about fertility are based in one of those three. Not always we, anglicans do carve out some exceptions. But a lot of times they are. And when people are kind of brought to that, that conclusion and love, or at least they decide for themselves, oh , there , there's , there's a freedom of like, well, no, I want to give that over to the Lord on this. And to know that if you're young and married and you practice NFP and, and you know , the wife gets pregnant, the church here, we're not going to leave you alone there . The , the church is here to support and to help. And I think to alleviate a lot of those concerns,

Caitlin: 18:29

And that is such a good word to end on, that the church is there to support couples throughout this whole process. Wherever they are in their unique fertility journey, the church is there to walk hand in hand with them. So Father Michael, I really appreciate your willingness to contribute to this ongoing conversation and join us here today.

Fr. Michael: 18:54

Well , it's been my pleasure. And again, sister , thank you for your good work for the Kingdom

Caitlin: 19:00

Listeners, I hope this episode has been a helpful one. Our pastors and priests, they can be excellent resources for conversations about fertility. So maybe you have conversations with yours, maybe you've never talked with them about it before, but now is the time to start looking into those resources. They may have good ones for you. We also have free resources that are available through Woven Natural Fertility Care, like our Prayer Guide for the Female Body. Or you can read more about the intersection of faith and fertility through our weekly Substack newsletter. So I'll have links to both of those in today's show notes. And we have some previous episodes on engaging about fertility and faith together. So I'll make sure to link those. As always, thanks so much for listening as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.