Have you ever felt like dating as a single parent is kind of like casting a line into murky waters, hoping for a promising catch but all too often reeling in disappointment?
Do I have you on the hook?
Listen, as a single parent myself, my heart goes out to all the single parents navigating the unpredictable seas of "modern dating", especially as Valentine's Day looms on the horizon.
As your host, I'm spilling the raw and real of my journey, along with the wisdom of my faith to guide our quest for love in a broken world.
In this episode, we will delve into the significance of shared brokenness, the transformative power of grace, and the beauty of viewing potential partners through a lens of mercy like Christ has shown us.
Have you ever felt like dating as a single parent is kind of like casting a line into murky waters, hoping for a promising catch but all too often reeling in disappointment?
Do I have you on the hook?
Listen, as a single parent myself, my heart goes out to all the single parents navigating the unpredictable seas of "modern dating", especially as Valentine's Day looms on the horizon.
As your host, I'm spilling the raw and real of my journey, along with the wisdom of my faith to guide our quest for love in a broken world.
In this episode, we will delve into the significance of shared brokenness, the transformative power of grace, and the beauty of viewing potential partners through a lens of mercy like Christ has shown us.
It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!
Speaker 1:
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Share your Host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Have you ever felt like dating as a single parent is kind of like I don't know, casting a line into working waters, hoping for a promising catch but all too often reeling in disappointment? Do you find more bait fish than anything worth catching on your hook? Or have you even experienced, like me, a fish on moment? You know when you get excited. It seems to be a great catch on your hook, someone who seems to fit some of the qualities you've been praying and waiting for. As you eagerly, slowly reel him in, careful not to snap the line, as the anticipation builds with each turn of your reel, with each time you text and talk, do you think to yourself yes, this is someone I can invest in. Then suddenly, he either jumps off the hook as he ate your bait or, upon reeling him, in, bringing him up onto the bow of your boat, do you realize something is fishy. Wait a minute, he's not a fish, he's a stingray. Oh, that is such a catch and release moment. But now I have to ask you, now that you have invested so much of your time and your fishing line, do you find it hard to even release or cut the line? Or do you find yourself I don't know, because this has been the umpteen time this has happened to you do you simply decide to bring up your line, pack up your tackle box, as you never liked fishing anyways? Do I have some of you on the hook? So my question is that I have asked myself is how does a single sister or listen, single peep, as I know I have guys listening to this podcast. I know you're there and listen. This podcast is not about chumming up the waters with thoughts that all guys are sharks. This is a single situation for all the single peeps listening. So how do you find peace amongst the broken pieces of people dating in a broken world? Welcome to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing.
Speaker 1:
As we approach Valentine's Day, I thought it was only fitting to talk about what's probably on most single peeps hearts and I know it's online and that's dating. You see, we may be single parents, but I do hate to point out the obvious here we are single as Christian singles. You know you were created for relationships. This is probably something that is not new to you, so my guess you also know that you weren't meant to be alone, go this alone or are really alone. However, it does feel that way, right? So I think it is safe to say we are all in good company here.
Speaker 1:
Now, listen, before we charge forward with this topic, I want to put this out there. Okay, I am no dating expert here, although I am an experienced dater and I am constantly learning new things about myself and others that I didn't know before I cast out my line, especially in this modern dating, as they call it. Having said that, let me preface with this I do not have any, if all, of the answers to some of the questions you might have, but, like you, I do answer to the one who does, and I ask him a lot of questions, especially in this area. So, hey, if I'm honest, I have found in this quite ironic Jesus is my best relationship coach. And listen, in this imperfect dating process that will never be perfect because it's broken. So with this podcast, I'm going to go for broke here, meaning I'm not going to avoid or hold back from having the conversation, that is on Christian single parents hearts.
Speaker 1:
Listen, I have heard it time and time again, whether it's in a conference, a class or conversation with friends you all are hurting, you're frustrated, you are shattered from the shards of the relationship that resulted in you being a single parent. You're broken and you don't want more of that now or ever again. However, you do want to date again, but if the process is broken, what in the world are you supposed to do with that Broken up? You've probably heard the saying hurt people, hurt people. If not, you're welcome. You just now heard it. But have you heard the saying broken people are looking for broken people? My guess is that is a big fat. No, because that was the wisdom that was put on my heart when I asked God what are we going to talk about today in this podcast? And so here is what I'm beginning to understand, what that really means as I discern, to learn. Are you tracking with me? Say amen. All of us single peeps have been broken up with, are broken, dating other broken people living in a broken world. Looking for what? What are you looking for? My guess is that you would say what I would say, and that's love. So check it After I ask God, what are we writing today?
Speaker 1:
I get this tug on my heart about two hours later, followed by this thoughtful impression. So, sherry, what are you looking for? I was like God, do you have to ask? I'm looking for a guy, a guy that will love and adore me, pursue me, protect me, I don't know. Hopefully, maybe even pray for me Might be a stretch, but how about a good Christian guy? God, now hear me. My response was short because you know, listen, I gave to God a long time ago a list of character tricks that I desired in a teammate, aka husband, not a husband. So as I'm pondering this question, god gave me right.
Speaker 1:
I also find that I am replaying in my mind a conversation that I had the other day with a quote, unquote person of interest. We will call him POI for short. This conversation it was quite frustrating as it didn't go the way I thought it should. Quietly, god put this next thoughtful impression on my heart and this is what I got. And in a broken world with broken people who have experienced a breakup, what do you expect to find, sherry? Oh snap, did God just serve me up some lunch? And again the another impression came up what do you expect to find? Then there was a pause when the hammer dropped, and listen, it dropped. Are you not broken yourself, sherry? Well, that's a holy hold up moment. But he doesn't hold up, he keeps on going. So this is the next impression I get. So, are you, sherry? Do you think you're better than the person you're looking for, or are you broken as well? As my head drops some humility, I pick up my pen to follow this trail of thoughtfulness, followed by one last final flip of the script. As this impression came up, how can you Be the better version of broken you Dating in a broken world? And like that, I was like okay, jesus, you win, speak, lord, I am listening.
Speaker 1:
Broke pieces to piece. As Christians, we know in this world we will have trouble. We found that in John 16 33. We also know that no one is without sin, not one of us. You can find that in Romans 3 10. And we also know that there is nothing new under the sun. You can find that in Ecclesiastes 1 9. So I am not even going to try to proceed with some new Dating tricks here I might have a few tips later but rather a new perspective that will bring you some peace amongst a your broken pieces of your dating life and Be peace as you date in a broken world.
Speaker 1:
When I now reflect on the conversation with my POI, I can see it from a meek and quiet Spirit and not the spirit of self Satisfaction that was screaming, the spirit that wanted to tear a person down with some self righteousness. That is some broken stuff there. Now listen, I'm gonna use me as the guinea pig here, so have fun with this. Okay. So hopefully you can see some of yourself and some of this as well. But if we look at this differently when I looked at it, this from a spirit of Meekness I could see through my own fragmented self who is too broken. I can see, maybe my POI. Maybe he's experienced some brokenness as well. Maybe it was a past marriage, a recent breakup, childhood trauma, you name it. If he's broken like me, should I not extend a brother some grace? Shouldn't I extend him I don't know maybe the same mercy God shows me when let's say I don't do something that he willed of me, and Certainly, as a daughter of the king, I shouldn't be doing anyways. So maybe, just maybe, my POI, his response or lack thereof in this case was from a place of brokenness.
Speaker 1:
You see, I am of the belief that each and every person that comes into your life is there for a reason. Now, that's nothing that you haven't heard before either. So they may be there for several seasons a season, and some may be there for all your remaining seasons, but God, it is God that allows them there for a reason to teach you something new about you, others and, most importantly, himself. Meaning God. Psalms 25 5 says lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation, for you I will wait all the day long. When we are dating in a broken world, we should, in all things, be looking for the Lord to lead us and to teach us is, especially if we want our next to be his best. Are you ask yourself, are you the best for the person you are looking for? And if what we truly are looking for is indeed love but listen, not as the world gives it Then we need Jesus on our six.
Speaker 1:
So, in this situation, going back to my POI, how can I both give and receive love? Now hear me when I say I'm not talking about romantic love, but kingdom love. How, how can I show him love, doing something different, being something different Becoming. Did you hear that I said becoming the person that the person is looking for? Oh snap, did I lose you? You see, I'm going to go back to earlier, when we said we don't want that to ever happen again, right? So for that to happen, we have to be accountable to ourselves to never let it happen again, and we do so by realizing we are broken, others are broken, but we can.
Speaker 1:
We can be a better version of our broken self if we come from the spirit of love that we find in 1 Corinthians 13. Now, come on, say it out loud with me. I know you all know it. Love is what Love is patient, it is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily wronged and it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. This, my friends, is the better version of our broken self we become through Christ. It is a daily struggle and a continual dying to self. Putting that into practice as we date in a broken world. I will give you an example of what I mean here.
Speaker 1:
Okay, so my desire, my desire in a mate is someone who is safe and secure, emotionally available and self-aware those are some of the worldly terms used by other dating experts Someone who, through Christ, has learned not to shame and blame someone when they make a mistake. Someone who is going to be slow to anger, someone who is going to meditate on God's word before speaking a word to me in a disagreement. Well, I too have to be that person to attract that same kind of person. So, in my case of my POI who, by the way, I have not talked to in a couple days because one I made a choice to be a better version of my broken self and pause for this cause. I have prayed many times, asking God to give me a new perspective, to change my thoughts, to be more in alignment with His, and I asked Him Lord, what words can I use at the right time to express that I don't know. I was disappointed by what he said.
Speaker 1:
Without being accusatory, lord, how can I ask for what I want in communication and this dating process? How can I put in a boundary for both of us to succeed as people of value, lord? And also, how can I be willing to cut the line if this is not the fish you have for me? But, lord, I do see that you have allowed Him in my life to grow me becoming the better version of broken me Now pay attention, the broken me so I can be the person that you are preparing me for. You see, what I am discerning and learning here, my single peeps, is that dating is a process about progression, not perfection. There is not a Mr or Mrs perfect here.
Speaker 1:
Now, by keeping this perspective and I challenge you as we keep this perspective in front of us as we date, I do believe a couple things will happen here. 1. It will give us peace, dating in a broken world. 2. It will give us the ability to start attracting people into our lives who, too, are being the better version of their broken self. That means, though, we are dying to self every day, all throughout the day. 3. It will draw us into a closer relationship with the one who should be our first love, and that is God. We should delight ourselves to do His will, not ours, and we should give this perspective of a spiritual shift. I try, you see. It says, and he promises in Psalms 37.4 that he will give us the desires of our heart.
Speaker 1:
Now, furthermore and this is your single sister here, talking as someone who was out there fishing just like you these are some of the tips I am going to give you, and here is 10 of them 1. Be patient with yourself and others in this season. Listen, consider this dating as practice. So try not to take all the things personal, especially when you strike out, because, listen, you probably will. 2. Leave your expectations at the foot of the cross. 3. Be picky. Dust is the only thing that's going to settle here, not you.
Speaker 1:
4. Don't be in a rush to have a crush. You got time. 5. Change yourself with people who know and love the real you. 6. Keep a close circle of people who can see things clearly, for when you have your rose colored glasses on. 7. In the very early stages, ask the person of interest to share their testimony with you, testing their faith, because, trust me, there are more time takers and time wasters out there posing as Christians. 8. If online, do not and I repeat, do not be afraid to put your faith in your profile. Your profile is not to attract all of the guys or girls on the dating app, just the person who has put God as a priority in their life. 9. Pray for God's wisdom in all of your interactions. 10. Love your life more than finding the love of your life.
Speaker 1:
As I close, I do believe God will one day take the broken half of me and my future broken half together through marriage, working to make our heart whole and holy, and he will do the same for you. So I will leave you with this one last thought that I want you to know, that I too think about all the time, especially in this dating process, and we find it in 1 Samuel 167. But the Lord said to Samuel, and I quote Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him, for the Lord sees, not as man sees. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. End quote, my single peeps. He knows who is good for you and who is not. He knows when something is fishy. Even on Christian dating apps, as I have said before, I have met people posing to be something they are not. Having said that, I have also said that I have learned to include Jesus in all aspects of my dating through much prayer and care, and I suggest you do the same. You see, he knows their heart and if their intent is to break yours, don't Keep him out of this process. Invite him in and have him serve as your relationship coach. He is how you begin dating in a broken world.
Speaker 1:
Have you experienced a recent breakup, struggling with some baggage and unforgiveness? If you live in the Tampa Bay area, I invite you to come to our next it's a Single Mom Thing class, tuesday, february 13th, as we dive into the heart of this topic with licensed mental health counselor Seth Hooper. You can sign up at wwwshepherdsvillagecom. Forward slash classes. Mytai also suggests listening to both our podcast on forgiveness the gift that keeps on giving and letting go of baggage. From our 2022 season, direct links will be available in our description. Need more care? Call our prayer line at 855-822-PRAY, day or night. Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Thanks for listening to it's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom. Backslash prayer For more information and resources. Check out our show notes.
