Have you ever considered how a single mom's yearning to fill the void of loneliness could lead down a path of manipulation in dating?
Today, we strip back the layers of pretense and confront these uncomfortable truths head-on. As a single mom myself, I understand the struggle is real and how manipulation doesn't lead to a love that is real.
Is that what you "really" want? Is that what you want your kids to learn?
My guess is you want something different and you want something better than anything you've had before, and yes, it is possible!
Join me as we explore how we can love our life while preparing for the love of your life.
COUNSELING RESOURCE MA, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern (RMHCI), Seth Hooper, of Good Sense Counseling
Have you ever considered how a single mom's yearning to fill the void of loneliness could lead down a path of manipulation in dating?
Today, we strip back the layers of pretense and confront these uncomfortable truths head-on. As a single mom myself, I understand the struggle is real and how manipulation doesn't lead to a love that is real.
Is that what you "really" want? Is that what you want your kids to learn?
My guess is you want something different and you want something better than anything you've had before, and yes, it is possible!
Join me as we explore how we can love our life while preparing for the love of your life.
COUNSELING RESOURCE MA, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern (RMHCI), Seth Hooper, of Good Sense Counseling
It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!
Speaker 1:
Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Share your Host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you.
Speaker 2:
How far are you willing to go to lock down the guy you've been lost in after for three weeks? How far are you willing to go to avoid being alone on a Friday night and alone with your thoughts? How far are you willing to go to make him your fiancee, fixing your finances? How far are you willing to go for him to care for you and your kiddos and girl? How far are you willing to go? Do you know where that road will take you? If your answer sounds like you do about anything to get out of your single situation and you are willing to manipulate a man, you need to stop it.
Speaker 2:
Welcome to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing. This is a messy message, and it's not just for the ladies. The pendulum swings both ways on this one. You see, in my mind you can't spell manipulation without the word man. So, ladies, you are going to take it on the chin this one time. This is a sherry thing. So, truth Be Told, this is a little title that I've had on my Google Docs for over a year now, and a blank page that's just been waiting to be filled.
Speaker 2:
So today is the day, and what better time than after last week's episode on dating in a broken world. In last week's episode, if you remember, we learned that we want to be the best version of our broken self, to attract what? To attract our other half, who, too, is working with God, to be the best version of his broken self. We aren't looking for Mr Right or Right Now. We aren't looking for husbands. We are looking for husbands, or, at the very least, to date, and relate to a Christian guy who is learning how to date in a broken world, just like you. Moreover, we are loving our life more than looking and lusting for the love of our life. You see, there was a lot, if you remember, of meat on that bone, and we did have some leftovers to mull over. However, the biggest takeaway, in my opinion, that we discerned and learned is that we are to be the best version of our broken self in dating, not our broken self. Furthermore, as we piece our broken selves back together through this process, we are including Jesus in the process as our relationship coach, for the Lord sees not as man sees. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. You see, he knows who he has to win our heart and who will break your heart on your path to your partner.
Speaker 2:
So if you haven't listened to that episode and you find yourself a wee bit confused in all these puns, I would strongly suggest you listen to that podcast, then bounce back into this one Manual Labor. Sometimes I just can't get over the way I write. Again another word that can't be spelled without the word man. I told you this was going to be a messy podcast, but for kicks and giggles. Let's kick that idea around for a little, because if any of those questions I asked at the beginning of the podcast resonated with you, you, my sweet sister, have been doing some manual labor to work a brother over. And listen, this is not a hater's gonna hate hate message here.
Speaker 2:
Okay, I think all of us listening could honestly say we have at least once in our lifetime labored over an unrequited lust, putting all our efforts and trying to win over that person, maybe even to the point of manipulation. Tis what all those messed up thoughts in your head were doing to you to get you to do the same thing to another person, manipulating you Right Now. Think about that. Do you remember a day when you obsessed and stressed over a person so much it was kind of like childbirth. With every laborious thought you came up with another way, another possibility of how you were going to get the guy. Every thought was a new painful contraction trying to get you to con the guy. They started out maybe a couple days apart, but as there were more days apart from him, the contractions became more frequent, more painful, as it seemed like your life was forever going to be a part from him, not a part with him. Come on, I know I am not the only person who's been there, so kick back in your seat and if you're driving, sit straight up in your seat and let's walk and talk or drive this thing out.
Speaker 2:
Then you think back to a time and to something you either thought, thought about, acting on or acted out to manipulate a guy. Did you I don't know flirt with another guy in front of him or talk to him about all the other options you had available, when really it was only him? Did you not answer his text or phone call right away, or maybe even for a couple days, playing hard to get? Did you do whatever he wanted when you didn't want to Get comfy in that seat? And let's talk this uncomfortable out, looking back, I don't know at the old you, who we know now is the broken you. Do you see yourself clearly?
Speaker 2:
Now come on, focus and get honest with yourself. How did she meaning broken you? How did she feel when she did those things or something else maybe not listed on our list? Can you see her body posture? Can you hear the tone of her voice as you replay that time in your mind? Now look at her real closely. Is she assertive, confident, empowered, truthful, even worthy? Did she hold her head up high and her shoulders back? Or was she more anxious, desperate, lonely, scared, uncertain, even feeling worthless? What did she want or hoped to get out of that time? Did she want to simply be seen, acknowledged, appreciated and want to be loved?
Speaker 2:
Now, why did she work so hard, doing countless hours of manual labor? Did it have anything really to do with that particular guy? Or was there something more particular with her Manifest? And if I'm truly going to write a messy message, I might as well come up with all the words that have man in it. Right, forgive me, that is just how I roll downhill here, but since we are at the bottom of the hill, let's look up to the top and at the word manifest.
Speaker 2:
Manifest. The word manifest as an action verb means to make evident or certain by showing or displaying, according to Merriam Webster. Hmm, to make evident or to make certain, hmm, all the places I could go with this one. So let's go back to the broken self and let's look at that young girl again. Or maybe it was just you yesterday. What did you manifest during that time? Did you get what you wanted or did you get something else? Did you fester so much over the man and did you manifest something you didn't want? Are some of you listening, even living the unexpected life you didn't see for yourself, as you are now a parent, and not just any parent, a single parent from your manual labor and manipulation.
Speaker 2:
Looking back to our broken selves, my guess is that very few of us ended up with anything we wanted, nothing of real value, as, honestly, we really didn't value ourselves during that time. Now, where does that road to manipulation take you? Do you have the answer to that? It is a dead end. Yeah, for some of us, you may have gotten the guy, but looking at him today, is he really the guy you truly wanted? Now, for some of you, that answer may be yes, and you know what. That's awesome. You go girl. Much props to you, and I certainly hope that he feels the same way about you, because you are awesome.
Speaker 2:
You are God's chosen golden girl, and that's my point exactly. We are God's golden girls and he certainly does not want us to manipulate a man to get what quote unquote we think we want. Now let's go to his word, and I'm going to go straight to Matthew 1518. In the end, I V. But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart and these defile them. My single sisters, we must remember our worth and we must remember where we find our worth that enables us to be called worthy. You see, broken. You want you to experience more brokenness. Best broken version of you wants the best for you, not more brokenness.
Speaker 2:
We live in a world that's broken and among people who don't know a God who loves them so much that he gave up his son for them. That they will yes, they will give you up for what they want. Is that what you want? Is that worth manipulating for? And is that what you want for your children to learn from you?
Speaker 2:
That when I don't know, times get tough and they will, to manipulate, but when it seems like there is no other way, or when they even have to go their own way, they need to manipulate, or that it is better to manipulate, doing what a man does, or is there another way? Is Jesus your truth, the light in the way, or is he in your way because he is not giving you the things that you want your way? Oh, that's an ouch. You see, even in our relationship with him, meaning Jesus, we try to manipulate him to get our way. Why, why do we do that? Many times and this is just my opinion it's because the situation we either got ourselves in or he has allowed us to remain in is uncomfortable. It's painful, it's prolonged and as a man or a woman and if you notice the word man is a woman are we going to manipulate him and everyone around us?
Speaker 2:
Manipulation, stop it, sister. We need to stop it Seriously. We need to stop trying and start trusting. We don't want more of the same. We don't want to remain in the circumstances of our single situation. We don't want to be alone with the wrong guy, because, let me tell you, you will end up with the wrong guy If your mind is so focused on getting out of a situation that you are willing to manipulate yourself because, listen, that is who you are ultimately manipulating and, well, truth be told, your kids too, because they are a part of your package deal.
Speaker 2:
Is that situation going to be any better than the one you find yourself in now? My guess is that you already know the answer to that question. So are you willing to walk his way? Are you willing to stay uncomfortable? Are you willing to let him lead you instead of you continuing to mislead you? If you are listening, say amen.
Speaker 2:
Now, listen, I got a secret for you. He loves you more than you love you. You know how I know that, because he would never manipulate you. He loves you too much and, listen, he's not going to leave you on the shelf. You are enough, and he wants you to know that you are enough. And, by the way, there are enough single Christian guys out there for you. You have plenty of time so you could put away the stopwatch and you can be alone. And God is right there with you in the alone. You see, it's your choice. If you want to continue manipulating, he's not going to stop you, but he will be there for you when that doesn't work out for you. He did it for the protocol and he will do it for you. Although and this is big although there may be some consequences, he will let you experience from choosing to go it alone. He loves you. I can attest to that one. That's why I can be so to the point when I am making a point.
Speaker 2:
You don't want to really manipulate to find love. It's not what you're going to find anyways. You don't want to really manipulate to fix your finances. You'll just find yourself in another fiasco. You don't want to manipulate him to care for your kids because, girl, he doesn't really care about your kids.
Speaker 2:
And again, this message goes both ways. If you're a guy listening I am not bashing you you don't really want a man to do what only God can do for you. You want something different. You have to be something different. You want something better. You have to be the best version of your broken self. That's how you piece the broken pieces of yourself together Through Christ. That's how you get out of the crisis and get on into the life he has waiting for you. That's how you start loving your life and not manipulating it to find the love of your life. Jesus should be the love of your life and in time, girl, yes, he will lead you to a love who will be a part of your life.
Speaker 2:
So, manipulation, stop it. Have you made a fitness resolution this new year? So how is that shaping up for you? Did you know that being quote unquote bent out of shape, aka not forgiving can affect the fitness level of your mental health? Oh, yes, it can. So I got a little workout for you. Join me and a few of my friends on Tuesday, february 13. For our next, it's sing-a-mall thing class, as we work out what isn't working for you, letting go of some baggage and extending some forgiveness. Now, this is a class that you're not going to want to miss, as it's led by RMHC counselor Seth Hooper of Good Sense Counseling To save your seat.
Speaker 1:
register today at wwwshuppardsvillagecom. Forward slash classes. Thanks for listening to. It's a Sing-a-Mall Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at wwwshuppardsvillagecom. Backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.
