Single Mom Life Hacks: Leveraging Your Life

 Learn how to be set up for success through your setbacks leveraging the life you want today and for all your tomorrows.

Join me, as I share the secrets to my single mom's success and the power of living in the moment to transform your life. Trust me, YOU WERE MEANT FOR MORE! Through my personal stories as a solo parent, I explain how focusing on the present can help us break free from past grievances and future anxieties. By letting go of what we can’t control and concentrating on our own actions, we reclaim our mental space and make room for a more fulfilling future. I’ll share tips on how to shift your focus away from past pain, and future fear, and start improving your present circumstances.

From leveraging community resources to making deliberate steps toward your goals, this episode is packed with practical advice giving you 3-Life Hacks for single-parent success.

Oh yes, you can have that today!

Stay tuned for future episodes featuring inspiring success stories from single mommas who’ve overcome their challenges.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Sherri, your host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Welcome back to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing. So I'm really excited that you chose to be here today, and I'm even more excited about this topic that we're going to talk about today as it personally has affected my life as a single mom and now as a single mom whose bird is almost out of the nest.

Speaker 1: 0:34

If you've been tracking with me for a while, you know that I've been flying solo as a single mom. I flew solo as a single mom for 18 years now, which makes my kiddo a young adult. He will be 21 in September. Where does the time go? Oh, yeah, to my hips. Oh, so you also know that he's almost one year into his career as a firefighter and I don't think I've ever told you, but he shares his time between my home and his dad's home, staying at each house for about a month at a time. So I consider myself as a solo who's being gracefully eased into this new season as an empty nester. Praise God, it hasn't been a hard stop, unlike other parents, especially as a solo. I mean, think about it. I mean you may not be there yet, but I'm paving the way for you, so think about this. You know, for me, I raised him for 18 years and I sacrificed everything for him and my life, much like yours, has totally evolved around him and him. I got off the career ladder I was climbing for him. I didn't date and I did all the things I did and the choices I made for his future as a future husband that I was raising. Now that's a podcast for another time and not something that I'm saying that you have to do. Either. That was just a choice that I'm saying that you have to do, either. That was just a choice that I made for our life. My job, like yours, as a solo, was 24-7, even when I had COVID three times, when I was in the hospital and in and out of work several times as a solo.

Speaker 1: 2:21

You know your parenting doesn't stop for you or your health. So think about this. Think about where you are right now in this season, whether you're at the beginning, you're at the middle or you're towards the end, like me, it's crazy right. Being a single parent is crazy at times. It's unpredictable, with some really I don't know about you white knuckle moments where you feel like your life is going in several directions. You're up late, with little sleep, and then you're off to the races tomorrow not knowing where you're going.

Speaker 1: 2:56

Right, you know that your life is subject to change at any moment. You are in survival mode and you live with your head on the swivel and you pivot and plant several times in a day and on most days, despite your best plans. So now imagine, all of the sudden that comes to an abrupt stop. You might think to yourself well, praise God, I can sleep in and spend some money on me. And that's a half truth Because, listen, you will always be fronting your kiddos something, even when they leave the nest, and you will be on your knees in prayer more than you are today knees in prayer more than you are today. I got the skid marks on my knees to prove it. So I want you to do me the solid and stay with me in this podcast, because, no matter where you're at in the solo season, this podcast is going to be applicable to you and your single parent success. So think about this. Continue with me as we're trekking into your future emptiness, and where I'm at and how this podcast is going to apply to you.

Speaker 1: 4:08

So think about the now what, oh, the now what that hits you about a week or two after being alone no meals to prepare, no endless loads of laundry to do, no late nights of doing science projects, weekends at the ball fields, up late with runny noses or upset stomachs, kids you have to put in time out, or even yourself. So now, what do you do? I mean, think about it. Think about all the time you spend on someone else other than yourself. I mean, it's absolutely crazy, right, it's a lot, and, honestly, when you're in the thick of the season, you don't even realize it until it's gone, and that's where I'm at.

Speaker 1: 4:54

Everything went radio silent, except for the feelings and overthinking that I have experienced in my head. So, in the silence, let me ask you do you think that you will be able to say, like me, who you are with certainty? Will you like yourself? Will you even be able to spend time with yourself, or are you gonna wanna flee from yourself because of all the thoughts that are going on in your head? I mean, what do you think you'll even like, like to eat, like to go, other than I don't know, the playground. I spent a lot of time at the playground. When you come home from work and you still, let's say, have three to four hours before you go to bed, what do you do with all that free time? Do you get lost in watching other people's lives play out on social media, or do you get even lost sitting on the sofa watching TV? I mean, I have so many questions that I don't have all the answers to. When life is no longer about the wheeze, it's just me which listen.

Speaker 1: 5:59

This is what gets me super pumped about our talk today about leveraging your life. You see, we've been in this single success series because you know, I believe, like me, you and your family were meant for more. You were created for a purpose and none of that changed when you became a single parent. Now you may think it has, or you may even have forgotten what your purpose is, and maybe it's even changed, but one thing let me tell you, let me reassure you hasn't changed. You were meant for more.

Speaker 1: 6:37

Now, in this season, you may be thinking I can't handle one more thing, sherry, One more thing on my plate that I am spinning, but I want to challenge you. Yes, you can, because you are worth it. Your life is meant for more, and that's where you're at right now. That one more thing you were meant for is you and you showing up for you. Now, maybe, just maybe, after this podcast, you will learn that there are some things that come off your plates as you make room for more, and that's you making room for you. You see, your life one day will be without your kiddos. It may not feel like it, it may feel like this is one long, pity party, and I want to encourage you, though, because your kids will be gone, and you got to start thinking about that and start thinking about what are you going to do today that will get you ready for your tomorrow. Now, I know that tomorrow may be not as important to you, or even really a thought or consideration, especially if you have littles or even middles, but I want you to know it comes quickly and, in fact, everything you do now sets you up for the future. You want to show up, and it happens. Here's the secret when you show up. So if you are a parent of teens or in-betweens, you will definitely want to listen closely today, as your future is in hot pursuit of you.

Speaker 1: 8:17

So, before I get into the three key principles or life hacks, as we've been calling them to leveraging your life, I want to clarify something with you. If you want to win in your life or have success in this single season and we've talked about that this is possible then you need to look to those who have gone before you to see what they did or did not do. Well, you see, there's this Chinese proverb that I love, and I just heard this the other day and it really resonated with me and I want to share this with you. To know the road ahead, you need to ask those coming back. You see, you need to find the single mamas who have gone before you and you need to find your community. Now. You have a slight advantage over me because there are more single peeps today than there were back in my day who can mentor you, teach you and direct you around the many and there are many parenting potholes along the way. There are more of you than not, and there are people like me who have learned a lot and have learned how to leverage life in the solo season. So for me, I could be both successful in that season as a solo parent and the season to follow that for me. I now find myself in and you will be in one day soon. So to help you in that pursuit, in the coming months I will be interviewing some super single parents and friends who have crushed their single season, even when it seemed, or even looked like from the outside as if that season was crushing them. You are not going to want to miss those series. I haven't named them yet, but you're not going to want to miss those single parent series as, trust me, there will be much meat on that bone for you to chew on and for you to take with you for your fulfillment in your future.

Speaker 1: 10:13

So, in getting on topic to today, on our three key principles that you can start doing, listen right now to start leveraging your life. Let's start with number one. Number one leveraging your life. Let's start with number one. Number one be present in the present. So, just like the Chinese proverb I mentioned earlier, there is another saying that you've probably heard me before if you've been tracking with me for a long time, that I just love to say, and it goes like this If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future. You're doing what You're peeing on the present. Now, I know that that's not as prolific as the Chinese proverb, but it is profound Now. As humans, I think we do this all the time, but I think, especially as solo parents, we are really good about peeing on our present moment. You see, you've got one foot straddled in the past pain that you just left, whether it was with a spouse, a partner or even your parents. Okay, so I got a question and obviously you can't answer, but I'm going to expect that you're answering out loud wherever you're at.

Speaker 1: 11:16

Okay, so how many of you listening right now are complaining about your ex and what they're doing or not doing? They didn't pay their child support, they didn't pick up the kids this weekend, they're late, and so now you're late. They didn't pay their child support. They didn't pick up the kids this weekend, they're late, and so now you're late. They took your kids. Where you name that tune, it is singing something. So let me ask you another question how much of your day, or how many of your thoughts in a day, are on that person Right now, before this podcast, were you thinking about them?

Speaker 1: 11:49

Were you thinking about how you could get even with them? You see, I believe if you complain, you remain right there, and I call that stuck in the mud. And listen, I have been there too, stuck Every weekend. My son went to his dad's. Do you think I was focused on what I could do for myself with those 48 hours I had by myself? Heck, no.

Speaker 1: 12:13

When I first started out as a solo, my thoughts were focused on my ex-parenting, or lack thereof, according to me. And I'll give you an example my son, who was four at the time. He called me one day from his dad's cell phone to tell me he was in a supermarket by himself while his dad was outside with the dog. And you see, my son, he was in the store asking strangers to help him get the dog food from the top shelf, because, one, he couldn't reach it and two, his hands were full of Gatorade that he was also commissioned to get. Or, let's say, the time my son, who was also, I think, about four, was being taught how to use a hedgehog trimmer to trim the shrubs.

Speaker 1: 13:00

I could go on, but that's my point. I could go on and on and on focusing on what my ex, my son's dad was not doing. That I thought wasn't right. Now, to this day, I still don't agree with his dad's parenting practices, but I do know this. I do know when I really get to the heart of the matter. I know that he loved his son as much as I did and still does, and I know that he would never intentionally put his son in harm's way.

Speaker 1: 13:31

And furthermore listen, this is my female audience, let's be honest. As a male, his parenting perspective was a little bit different from mine. As a female, and well, a nurturing mother. Every weekend my son went to his dad's. I was fit to be tied with anxiety, grief and worry. My weekends, I found, were wasted. Do you kind of relate to that a little bit, you see, but that changed, and that changed when I learned to let go and then when I eventually learned how to let go by trusting God. Now, mind you, if I really thought my son was in danger, I was ready to go to battle for his safety.

Speaker 1: 14:13

But at some point I had to get present in my moments and refocus them on my present and not every foreseeable thing I could come up with in my head that my son's dad was going to do wrong. So if a bulk of your day and your thoughts are on another person who, by the way, is not in your life right now, how much of your life is still theirs? Oh, that's got to hurt you somewhere. Now, some of the things I was doing in the present that you may be doing is feeding off that emotion too, and you feeding it. It's like an adrenaline of reliving, and this is what it does. When you keep focusing on that other person and not on your present moment, there's a chemical reaction happening in your body and you are reliving that pain from the breakup and it's keeping you stuck in the past.

Speaker 1: 15:11

Now let me ask you when is enough enough? I mean honestly, are you ready to move forward, or are you just saying that? Are you ready to stop going into debt, paying your attorney? For what? So you can be right? Now listen, if there is a legitimate case against your spouse or the other parent due to, let's say, crime, neglect or abuse, then yes, you need to continue with your legal pursuit to protect your kids. But and this is a big but if for any other purpose, you have an attorney still retained, like to get even and this is what I'm talking about to get even with, or to get a one-up on, the other parent, you are only cheating yourself and delaying your fulfilling future. Please don't misunderstand me. I'm just really talking about if you are just going to battle, to go to battle because you want to win, what are you going to lose by fighting all the time?

Speaker 1: 16:16

You see, when you focus on what they are doing, you are not focused on what you are or should be doing, whether it's at your job, your parenting, in your home or even for yourself. Your thoughts are all on them and not on you. And listen. It is costing you something. You see, your power and possibility is right here, right now, even in this conversation, not on what your parents did to you or your spouse or partner didn't do for you. It certainly may have led to where you are right now, but here's a secret it doesn't have to direct your tomorrow either. So for those of you who have the other foot, remember we got. We just talked about those that have a foot in the past. Then there are those of you that have a foot straddling into the future with fear. You are also giving your power and possibility away.

Speaker 1: 17:18

So how many of you listening have heard of the acronym for fear, fear meaning false events appearing real. Did you hear that False? False events appearing real? Did you hear that False? Did you know that most of the fears of the future never show up? Well, at least the exact way maybe you envision it.

Speaker 1: 17:38

I'll give you an example. For me, when I became a single parent, I always thought we were going to live on the streets, homeless. Well, praise God that never happened. However, because of my continued fear of the future that kept showing up in the present moment, it looked like less than I was always lacking and never had enough. Do you find yourself saying that? Do you find yourself stuck in the mud in that kind of fear for your future? Well, listen again, until I got present. When I got present, then I realized I wasn't living in lack, but I did choose a little Meaning. I was letting go of the big career that paid a lot, as I was paying a lot also in child care and someone else would be raising my child. I didn't want that. I chose a little so I can make a big impact on my little son In my faith as a Christian.

Speaker 1: 18:43

And it says this Jesus says this about worry, and you find this in the New Living Translation. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today. You may not be a believer, but don't you agree with that? Doesn't your today have enough trouble of its own? So do you really want to carry forward troubles from the past that really is behind you, or a future that never comes about? My guess that's a no. So what do you love to do? Why not unwrap the present? Now?

Speaker 1: 19:23

Listen, this is not going to be easy to do at first, as you've been conditioned, like me, either to live in the past or in the future. Even right now, you may find your mind here in the present, and it then may be on autopilot, thinking about all the things you got to do, and you're kind of half listening to me. So if you find yourself in that situation, you can pause and come back to this at another time when you're ready to be present. You see, what I have found is that you have to fight for your mind to stay in the moment, because let me tell you what's in the present that I found, and what I found on that road is a gift, and several of them. Now yours may be different from mine, but listen, when I started to pay attention to my present moment, suddenly there appeared positive people who appeared on my path and they had influence on my life. There were opportunities that came to me. I didn't even have to go looking for them. There were solutions to problems I had and for me there were stories to be told for another time. In fact, there were so many stories that I had to carry a notebook with me everywhere I went so I could record them. I even had a notebook on my nightstand. I mean, how many of you find that? Do you find that you have creative ideas or things that are just dropped in your head? Record them. They're gifts.

Speaker 1: 20:50

And guess what, now that I am in my semi-emptiness season, with that three to four extra hours I have at night now I ain't sofa sitting it anymore I have the time to breathe life into the presence, to unwrap the gifts that were given to me in my single season that were meant to be open now in my empty nest season. You see, as we speak, I'm really excited about this because this is also a possibility for you. As we speak, I am almost finished with my first children's book that I have authored and I've even learned how to illustrate, and I will be sure to keep you up to snuff when it's released. But those types of dreams and possibilities are meant for you too. We are all meant for more. So now, if you're listening, I want you to say amen, okay, give me that. Amen, yes, amen. So now, if, in the present moment for me, if I wasn't present, I would have totally missed the opportunities that presented themselves to me for a future possibility. Oh darn, that was good. And it's worth saying differently. And this is how single mom Sherry says this get present to the presence presented to you in the present. Trust me, they're there. And remember, I'm going to say this, I'm going to keep saying this because you need to be saying this to yourself. You were meant for more, and more is all around you when you get present and you look for it.

Speaker 1: 22:25

Number two pressing in to the pressing. Every grape or olive that was transformed into something more, whether it was wine or olive oil, was first pressed. In the pressing is when the juice is extracted. Some grapes are even pressed a second time to get more juice from the skin in the fermentation process. Pressing it's exactly that. It's a process, not a process, though, to crush, but to extract the best part of the fruit, transforming it for another use. We must learn to press into that so we can press on.

Speaker 1: 23:10

As a solo parent, there is a lot of pressing going on and at times, I know, it seems almost unbearable. But if you press into it instead of pushing or running away from it, listen, there will be transformation. That does happen. You may not see it right away, but it is happening. You may not feel it, but it is coming. Listen, my pressing was a seven-year process and I don't mean that to scare you, nor to suggest that that is your foreseeable future either, right now in this process, that yours will be that long. I don't know how long your pressing process is, but I am here to encourage you.

Speaker 1: 23:50

Don't give up. Sometimes, if I'm honest, sometimes I gave up too soon, just as I was about to be blessed, and that's something else I want you to know that when, listen, don't give up right before you're about to be blessed, because some of you are so close to that blessing in that single season but you give up, you give into the past of pain, or you go to the future in fear, and then you're pre. That's what peeing on the present moment looks like and you miss your blessing. So listen, stop stressing if you're not seeing it right now or if you, like me, sometimes you've been waiting for it for a long time. But don't give up, look up.

Speaker 1: 24:34

So what did I do in those seven years? Now, not to sound cliche, but I was determined, and I hope that you will be too. I was determined to press on, and every day, let me tell you, that played out differently. Some days, that meant I had to give myself a day to cry before I was ready to try something new. I gave myself permission 24 hours to hate the pressing process and the solo parenting process, but here's what I did when 24 hours was up, I was up too. My emotions may not have been ready to get up yet, but I was up and moving, even if I didn't know where I was going.

Speaker 1: 25:14

I started to create a plan and dream for my future. I also started to fill my mind with things that started to build me up and not tear me down. I was tired of being torn down and I was going to build me up because I had also found that there were people in my life who were successful in tearing me down, and that was not going to be a part of my single success plan. So for me, I would look for a sermon, a series of sermons, books, people and positive experiences that I could plant myself around. I am a nature girl too, so I also spent a lot of time in nature and sunlight instead of the TV and walking it out. I started pressing into that and that was what was pouring into my life instead of me pouring me out, leaving me empty. You see, for me, I knew intrinsically I was meant for more, even if I didn't have people or I didn't grow up in an environment that said I was meant for more and I started looking for it, and I started on the weekends when I didn't have my son. Now I could have gotten another job to supplement my income too, but for me and listen, this was for me I wanted to go to work on changing the things that weren't working for me. I didn't want another job. So I pressed into the pain and it was painful. But you know what was even more painful Not changing. I wanted a different future, so I had to learn how to be different.

Speaker 1: 26:47

How many of you find yourself in the same place. You know the saying when you point the finger at one person, there are three fingers pointing back where? At you right now? At me. I was the common denominator in some of the problems, including my failed marriage, and I needed to press into that. I needed to press into that and all the opportunities that the present moment were presenting for future growth. You, too, maybe have some unlearning to do if you want to do something different, and you need to get good with being pressed and suck the juiciness out of that. And number three, and this is where we're going to close Number three take action, massive action, to leverage your life. You have to be in action.

Speaker 1: 27:37

Up until now, maybe your life has been happening to you. Don't you want to have it happen for you Now? In most cases, when you became a solo, it seems like life happened to you. Don't you want to have it happen for you Now? In most cases, when you became a solo, it seems like life happened to you right, and you feel like you're always trying to catch your breath because life is happening to you. So here's something I want to tell you you can flip the script on that, and you can, even in a single season, use this time to happen for you. So let's look at that. You don't have a spouse you have to come home for or adjust your life to or schedule your future events around. It's completely yours.

Speaker 1: 28:12

So what do you want? Yes, you're single, but what do we say? It's not the single thing that's going to stop you right. So do you want to own a home? Maybe you can't afford a home in the market you live in. Have you thought about the Habitat for Humanity program? Maybe you want to learn how to get out of debt or establish an emergency fund?

Speaker 1: 28:33

Do you want to get a degree or learn something new? Is there somewhere you've always wanted to go but you couldn't, or someone that didn't want to go there? Is there a side hustle? You wanted to start A mastermind class. You wanted to take A counselor. You would like to see what is it you always wanted to do?

Speaker 1: 28:52

Now listen, forget all the overthinking going on in your head about well, I'm a single parent and the cost of that thing is too much. Okay, what is it costing you by not taking action towards that thing? Is it stealing your joy? Notice, I said action towards, not away? What are you willing to sacrifice to go for it? Now, listen, if there is one thing that I know about single parents, they are resourceful, and you know it. How can you resource your resources to work for you? That is leveraging your life. Are you willing to stay up late, or even get up early, to start taking steps towards the thing you want? Are you willing to cancel a subscription service so you can reroute your money to go towards that thing you want? Maybe and I know this ends a little old school, but they still exist. They're called libraries. Maybe you get a library card and check out a book instead of having to buy a book.

Speaker 1: 29:57

The library, for me, was a saving grace. I checked out DVDs for my son and that he could watch while I was learning we also, because we didn't have cable. I also checked out books and DVDs on things that I wanted to learn and, to be honest with you, that's where I learned how to become a photographer. Okay, so you're solo and I didn't have a man around, so there were a lot of things that I had to figure out for myself and what I do. Well, now you've got YouTube, but for me, when I didn't know something. I went and looked for answers at the library. Was there a book on that? Was there a class online about something and how I could go about doing that?

Speaker 1: 30:35

You see, for me, much like you, your will my will had to become greater than my excuses. I didn't want to be stuck in the mud anymore. I wanted to be a blessing to my son and not a burden. So I had to learn how to leverage my life so I had and could have a better life now and all my tomorrows. Now, there were days that my checking account didn't reflect that, nor did my savings account, but I took action to focus on my future and not on the memories of my past. And it all started when I leveraged my life in the present moment.

Speaker 1: 31:20

And if I can do it, so can you. So today, and if I can do it, so can you. So today, you need to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. You need to be done with your excuses. So, as we wrap up our time together, you need to write these down, put them on a mirror or something and make a commitment to making a habit, maybe for the next 30 days to be one that we're going to say life hack number one is to be present in the present, capture all those thoughts and put them into action, which is number three. And then we're going to skip back to number two, and that is present is the pressing. Listen, you're going to be doing something different and it's going to feel uncomfortable. It is going to stretch you. You are going to have some stretch marks after this, but soon. The more you get uncomfortable in that situation, the more it becomes comfortable and then you're leveling up and you're expanding your life. You're opening yourself up for more single success. You do these three life hacks, combined with what we discussed in the two previous episodes, and you will become unstoppable using this single season and not letting it use you anymore.

Speaker 1: 32:34

Now, if you enjoy this podcast, I want you to do me a favor Hit subscribe on your favorite platform. This lets me know that you find the content that is being produced and it's valuable, while it also increases our presence on streaming platforms, making it available to more and more singles like you. Stay tuned to the coming weeks. As I said, we're going to have some single success story interviews, as I interview some women who I know, who really went through it as a solo and have come out on top. Have a wonderful week and remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you. Thanks for listening to. It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.