Somatic Healing & Exploring the Feminine with Akansha Agrawal

Akansha Agrawal is a certified somatic coach, storyteller, and community facilitator devoted to serving body wisdom, the Feminine, and truth. She is also the founder of the South Asian Sisterhood and co-author of The Healthy Indian Food Cookbook. Her work helps women rewrite old narratives and own their authentic stories so they can birth creations that truly align with their desires. Questions we discuss in this episode include: 

• What is somatic healing? 
• What is embodiment? 
• How does embodiment support trauma healing?
• How can a somatic coach support increased self worth?
• What is meant by 'the Feminine'? 
• What is the link between somatic healing and personal storytelling? 
• What are the risks of ignoring your body wisdom?  

Before coaching, Akansha worked as a freelancer marketer working with wellness companies, creatives, and coaches/consultants and worked in marketing analytics in Silicon Valley. She received her undergraduate degree from UC Berkeley in Economics. Akansha is proud to live and grow up in the Bay Area California. In her free time she loves to bask in the sun, drink a warm cup of tea, read and dance!

Connect with Akansha:
Website - citrusandgold.com
Instagram - @citrusandgold
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

And it almost makes me emotional to say it's because I can't find the words, but it's just like we've somehow subconsciously internalized that we're not enough. The concept of self-worth feels like it's gonna be even deeper for self-day and women.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

And welcome to another episode of the Self Forest Edit I have to say from France. So I have once again living elsewhere outside of the United States. If you listened to previous episodes, I spent the first part of 2021 in Costa Rica. And this time I am in Europe. So more to come on that. If you are interested in the travel adventure side of my life, come follow me on my travel Instagram account at Globegazers for more. I'll put that link in the bio. Today's episode is one that we recorded a little bit ago. It's an interview with the lovely Akansha Agrwal, who is a certified somatic coach, storyteller, and community facilitator. I first reached out to Akansha because I wanted to talk to her about the practice of embodiment and stepping into the feminine part. And when I reached out to Akansha, she let me know that she and her family were recently facing the loss of a pregnancy, and that we would love to have this conversation for the Cell Fourth Edit to talk both about that aspect and how it was bringing her work to life for her in a new way, as well as the other topics I had reached out to her about. And I also wanted to let you know that because we sort of dive right in here. And so it's not explicitly clear what loss we're talking about once we start the interview. So this is an episode about embodiment and about storytelling when it comes to telling the story and recognizing and realizing the story of our lives with Akansha. What I'd like to invite you into first and foremost is to share what is on your heart in this moment as we start this conversation, and as much or as little as you'd like to share about the loss.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

Yeah, thank you. And I really appreciate the invitation to share what's on my heart because that feels very true. Just to speak to, you know, there's so many layers to loss to our stories. So I guess the first thing that comes to me is when I was going through this a couple months ago, there was a moment where I was able to take a backseat and almost observe this. I'm like, oh, this is what it means to own your story fully. And oh man, I don't want to be here either. Like, there's a part of me I'm like, why the hell am I doing this work? It was so ironic, right? Like being in it and also be able to observe, like, this is why I'm also doing the work. So that's kind of how I feel these days, too. I'm like, this makes so much sense to me why owning your story is so important. And also a part of me desperately doesn't want to do it because it's scary, it's hard. There's so much unraveling that needs to happen. So much of us just sitting with our truths and truly embodying all the emotions, the sensations, the feelings. And that's kind of where I'm at right now, really, just in this beautiful limbo phase.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

What has been your process of getting to the point where you can discuss this?

SPEAKER_00 4:24

That's a great question. I think it's almost helpful to put into context in the past where I've had gone through trauma and I've hadn't felt like the safety to discuss it. So I've gone through like sexual trauma in the past. And at first, I think what was missing for me, which I feel like I had this time, is body awareness of this feeling of like, oh, something's happened. And I can feel that in my body, and cognitively I can also accept that. I think in the past, if I didn't have that connection to all of me, it'd be really easy for my logic to override and say, okay, you've you've gone through it, you've shared, and let's move on. Right. There's this feeling of just wanting to avoid. And I think first just knowing that I have this awareness inside me has been super valuable. From the beginning, being able to have a safety within my own community and network, meaning my partner, my family, I think that in our circle is so, so important for anyone looking to share more widely. Because that's our part of our own process of coming to acceptance of healing. And I think we need to start small before we go bigger. So the fact from the beginning that I feel blessed that our parents were very supportive throughout all of this, my partner was in it with me, that gave me that foundation that I think I needed to share more publicly. And I feel like there's this almost philosophical piece to it, or this, I don't know if it's mission-driven or what it is, but the deep thing around like, wow, there's so many women who haven't been able to share. So many women who've been silenced in their lives, not just because of loss, but for so many other reasons. I've seen it in my own family, in my own vineyard. And that really drove me. So if I'm completely honest, in the moment that I was going through this, I had announced on social media that I was pregnant at 19 weeks, and I went through this loss of 22. And I didn't want to share it right away, so I didn't. I still waited about a month. But at that point, part of me had no choice. I have like a pretty public practice. I share my story already quite widely. I was supposed to be launching a program, and that was the reality of where I was at. There was no hiding from it as well. So I would say I needed all the other stuff to be able to share the way I did, but it was really interesting to be at that point of I don't want to. And I'm going to take my time and share a little bit at a time because that's what feels right for me.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

First of all, I'm sorry for what you went through then and what you've gone through more recently. There's a lot in what you said. I really resonate with the piece about not having a choice at a certain point, you know, also having some large social media following. Like it's very noticeable when you're consistent on social media and you drop off, you know, not on my self-worth edit account, but on my travel account as I was going through my divorce where I had shared my wedding and my engagement. And so it's very real. And, you know, one question running through my mind that we don't really have to get into, but it's just what's philosophically coming up for me is, you know, is it a blessing or a burden? Your whole concept is about being able to own your story, right? And so I guess what have you learned so far? What have been your new learnings when it comes to that, to sharing your story now that you're very much in that newness of it, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:03

Yeah, it's a great question. I can't say I have an answer to the blessing or the burden piece, but I'm happy to be in that and see what comes up because I don't think at the end of the day we owe our stories to anyone. I don't think we need to do anything or have this like big responsibility to share. But I do think we have choice. And I've seen that I've made this choice from day one to share aspects of my life because it's in service to me in my own healing in some ways, and hopefully to others. And I think I subconsciously realize this by choosing to share that I'm pregnant, I'm also choosing to share another side of that too. That may or may not be what I want to share. With that being said, I'm still a very private person in some ways. I'm very introverted, and there are a lot of aspects of my life that I don't share. And I feel like I'm only called to share when it's actually healing for me and when it actually feels safe. I think I keep on coming back to that work. And then finally, it is such an interesting world, like being a public person, whatever that is, whether it's 1,000 people or 1 million. I think there's a similar theme to both. But there's also this responsibility, maybe of well, I can share my life, but who else is this involved? And how much do I feel like I can share that story? Because we can share our own truths, but we can't share others. So that's also a piece to play with, especially in something I went through, maybe also for you in the divorce, because it's not just you, there's another side to it, and there's a lot to entangle there too.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Yes, I'm like vigorously nodding my head because yeah, you know, so many players, so many players, and you don't even realize it necessarily until it comes to that point of needing to share something that may not be something you had planned to share, an ideal situation, you know, so on. So taking it all the way back, what was your original inspiration to get you to this work of helping women to own their stories? Because you started off working in tech, right? And so what was that original pivot point for you?

SPEAKER_00 10:26

Yeah, something that's easy to see in hindsight and connect the dots because I didn't have that clear vision or mission from the beginning. And there's always been this one thing that pulls me somewhere, then it pulls me to the next thing. So, yes, I started to go back a little bit. I started in tech. I did that because that's what I saw as the right path. I grew up in the Bay Area, I could do well intellectually, so I learned that is accepted in our society. So I studied economics, I did analytics, I did the things that I thought would see me as worthy, if I'm being completely honest. And it served me to an extent. It actually really did serve me. It helped me build that life that I wanted, helped me call in my partner and create the life we have together now. But there were several turning points that I feel like got me to my work. It was having this moment when I was working in tech where I was going to work and just started crying on a bus, and I just knew something was off. And at that point, there's this huge passion for me for health and fitness because again, my bubble's only so big at that point. We see what we know. So I saw success as tech and all these things, you know, first. Then I saw the answer to be wellness and health and taking care of our bodies in that way. And that got me closer to working with women in some ways, but it was still a little bit more superficial in my experience. From there, I became a freelance marketer, working with wellness companies and working with this thing that I just couldn't explain at that point. It was so intangible of what it is that's truly driving me. And it wasn't until I actually did the work personally in embodiment and somatics before I became a practitioner myself, was I able to kind of go on the journey of really unraveling what it is. And my own past and my own stories tell me how much of the feminine I had disregarded and how much of my own body wisdom I had avoided or thought to be incorrect. And it's actually that's when I started to feel better. Like that's when the opening actually happened. And like there's so many layers to this, but I think throughout all of this, the common thread was story. Even in tech, the things that really lit me up was when I was able to share data in a story manner. As a marketer, I loved it because I was able to talk to women mostly about their businesses and really hear the true depth of it. And then in the embodiment stuff, I got to feel that in myself and share conversations and be in conversation on such a deeper level. So there was that common thread of the story that showed up in so many different ways. It is what it is, but it was truly that connection and connection to ourselves, our bodies, each other. And yeah, there's a lot there that I'm gonna continue unpacking and inventoring at and learning.

SPEAKER_01 13:40

You mentioned the connection with body piece earlier, too. How you know that's something that you acquired later. So, how did you get connected to your body?

SPEAKER_00 13:50

Yeah, so it's interesting. I think it's one of those things I had. I kind of lost a little bit because of things that happened in my life, because it just didn't seem as important, and then I reconnected to it. So it was almost like remembering again, remembering what it was like to be a child, remembering what it feels like to be connected to the earth, to pleasure. It came to me through through working with my own practitioners. So with therapy at first, where my first therapist was like, I can see you have such great intellectual and cognitive awareness, and you have such strong like intuition, but there's a slight gap between that, and there's just like something there to look into. And at first, I don't think it really landed with me. This was a few years ago, and then I um met my own mentor who she was actually a peer of mine in a business mastermind we were doing, and I couldn't tell what it was. Again, it's it's body-based, so it's not something we can name or mentally put it a label to, but there's something about her energy that was pulling me. And it's through a lot of that work we did around movement, around tracking our bodies that really helped me in this process. But I will say, you know, before I had that, I think there's so many people who probably find things on their own intuitively, whether that's like running, which is a huge thing for me at one point, whether it was like flow movement or dance, I think we all have a different connection to the body to an extent. And then it's like, are we willing to deepen that relationship consciously over time?

SPEAKER_01 15:34

So many questions I have. We can go there. Like, where do I go? I mean, well, one is what does it actually feel like to be embodied? What does it look like to deepen that? Why would someone not want to deepen that?

SPEAKER_00 15:52

I keep on asking myself these things too. Embodiment isn't one thing, it's not like you're gonna feel happy all the time. And I don't think that's what I'm chasing. I'm not chasing happiness, and I don't think I'm actually frankly chasing, I'm sitting with what's actually here. So embodiment is to me a full expression, a full range of emotions, of desires, of anger. You know, it's all of it. And I think it what it helps us do is not be one-dimensional, two-dimensional creatures or caricatures. We come 3D, we become a multitude of things. And I think it becomes easier to sit with the paradoxes in our lives or the polarities of let's say I'm introverted, I like my own space, but I deeply love connecting with people. I am so grateful and blessed and happy with what I have in my life, and I still feel like I'm I'm sad. Right. So we're able to hold these more complex, I think, pieces of us that aren't black and white, that aren't good or bad. And to me, that brings wisdom, that brings acceptance. I actually said this to my husband, I think it was yesterday or the day before. It's like, yeah, I don't think I want happiness. I want to be present with everything. I want to be here, I want to be able to live. So that's answering the first part of your question. What is it? What does it feel like? Why don't people want to be embodied? Was that what you said? Or like, why wouldn't we want to be? Yeah. I think we've forgotten, or I think we're afraid sometimes. It is scary being with all of ourselves, it's scary being with the parts that we run away from, or that don't feel as accepted in whatever societal construct you're in. So for me, one of the things is I'm very sensitive and intuitive, and I don't think that's felt as accepted in certain academic situations or even corporate situations. And I didn't probably want to be embodied then because I didn't think I could belong and I wouldn't find my space. So that could be one of the reasons. I think one, we frankly just don't know how, and we just don't take the time to think about it. And two, maybe there's fear of what else are we gonna find and where am I gonna belong when I when I actually present as my whole self.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

How would someone know if they're not embodied? Where would the awareness begin?

SPEAKER_00 18:34

Yeah, and I also want to say that embodiment, again, it's not a yes or no thing, whether you are or not. It's like a story, we're all gonna be going in and out of it. And I think there is a time and place actually to be slightly disembodied because it is something that serves as a coping mechanism to an extent. The problem is we can over-rely on that and then get really comfortable with being disembodied 24-7. So the first part, I believe it's a spectrum, it's a moving thing, it's not static. But the check-ins I have with myself when I realize I'm being a bit more disembodied. Am I overthinking? Am I spiraling in my mind? Do I feel a lot of cloudiness or confusion or just tension in my head? Am I only listening to this part and forgetting how my heart's feeling, how my pelvis is feeling, the sensations in my body? When's the last time I've looked at my hands and just noticed them for what they are? And this speaks to high achievers, intellectuals, people who are very logic forward. I think that's the thing to look for is like when am I just always in my head? And when's the last time I've actually looked at my body? But embodiment's also a lot of movement. So am I just static? When's the last time I really moved my body? And not consciously, but with intention. So it's different to walk and look at our phone and mindlessly scroll. But why don't I just let myself express whatever I'm feeling through my movements? I think there's a strong sign of hey, there's maybe some imitation to embodiment here is when we're not trusting our intuition or decisions. So are we wavering a lot? Are we looking externally for answers more than we're looking internally in ourselves? Because what we're doing in embodiment, it's not like it's the mind or body or those two pieces that are going against each other. One of my mentors told me it's like a round table discussion where you have your mind, you have your heart, you have your pelvis, you have all these things working together to make the best informed decision for what you want to do or who you are, right? And the intuition piece comes through that when we actually take in account our past experiences, our knowledge, our body signals, all of that. So yeah, are you listening to your intuition? It's a huge piece of it.

SPEAKER_01 21:12

Yeah, I'm just thinking about how in today's society we intellectualize everything. And what you just described about how to move and how to make decisions sounds so much more natural and organic. And it seems like we're so far removed from it. So, what is the first step that you are able to work with people on? Someone who comes to you and is so disconnected from their intuition or has trouble trusting their intuition.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

So instead of going into the pain and fixing and trying to uncover all the trauma and all of that first, the first thing I do is get people feeling good in their bodies again. Like actually find Pleasure and enjoyment in their lives. One practice I often recommend is a nonlinear movement practice or move as you feel. So put on a song and move, not with choreography, not to look sexy or accomplished, just move and see how it feels and see what comes through. And maybe there's judgment for that. That's perfect, right? Just allowing yourself to move and feel that again is huge. And finding little pleasures in your life and little desires and tracking how that feels to receive. So it's slightly different than a gratitude practice. Because I think a gratitude practice is still a little bit more of a mental image of, oh, I'm grateful for my family, I'm grateful for my house, I'm grateful for all these things. But the pleasures is actually you experiencing that in the moment. So a pleasure could be the feeling of a warm cup of tea and you're sitting in the sun and feeling that. So I think the first step is really tracking what feels good in your body already and allowing that to open even more.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

I think that's such a good point because I know from personal experience, you know, I ignored, actively ignored my intuition for so long that I then found myself at a place where I definitely wasn't trusting it and I was confusing fear and intuition. And it's still a process. It's definitely still a process. But I think again, that awareness piece, that checking in self is like has to be a step one. So that makes a lot of sense. You mentioned a connection to the feminine. Can you say more about that?

SPEAKER_00 23:52

Ooh, that's juicy because I'm a storyteller, right? So words matter, they hold charge, and there's a lot of dissecting we could do. But I'll try to keep it simple because that's the word I ran away from. Also, like pleasure is another word that I ran away from for quite some time, or it just wasn't something I even considered. The feminine to me, the way we see in our society, was how we dressed, what girly meant. It was all the things that show me that we live in a very patriarchal, misogynistic culture. But the feminine to me now is one, it can't be defined in a linear way because that's the antithesis of feminine, because it is nonlinear. It is something that is that is wild, that is moving, that is in flow. The feminine also doesn't have to be gendered, though I do think for women there is a connection there that I find really useful to see. So me, the feminine is a connection to Mother Earth. So, what are the things we see often in Earth? We see cycles, we see the seasons, we see shifts, right? To me as a woman, my menstrual cycle is very much in sync with the moon cycle. I can speak from personal experience right now, and especially with this this pregnancy and the loss, I can feel the connection to the feminine. It's this energy of creation, energy of also chaos in it, too. It's out of our control, right? So if I think about a pregnancy, there's this beautiful spiritual element of creation, and that just happens. Of course, there's things you can do scientifically, but the essence of creativity and creation is there. There's also distraction in the feminine. There's the dark side, the dark mother, death, right? There's a lot of goddesses that can encompass these qualities. So I think it's really the cycles of life, the cycles of our earth. I think the connection to creation is the thing that's coming to me right now, at least.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

That was beautiful to watch. So, since this is not a video podcast, I'm going to describe that you just closed your eyes and actually like went into your body and felt that to produce that answer. So that was a beautiful little snippet to watch. I have a question for you with that lens of as a storyteller and words matter. And this is something that I've heard expressed in some circles of mine, and I've avoided and I've struggled with it because I so resonate with the concept of the feminine and masculine energies. It makes a lot of sense in my brain. And with the world we're living in and in increasingly moving toward more inclusive language, I've heard a lot about saying feminine and masculine is outdated terminology. And in my mind, I'm like, okay, then what do we call it? How do we move forward from that? Because I want to think about these concepts and talk about them and learn more about them. But part of me feels like I can't touch that with a 10-foot pole because I don't yet know what's going on there.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Totally. I feel you in that, and I'm in that with you too. And what I'm going to say may land with people, may not. I might make mistakes because we're in such a I think our territory and landscape is constantly changing. And I want to be respectful of it, I want to be aware of it too and be inclusive. And to me, it also feels really important to at least reclaim the term feminine and not just skip over that step. And this might relate to gender a little bit. So when I speak about my work, I often speak to women and femmes. So if you're transgender, if you connect with feminine energy, you are welcome. I would love you. And I also want to still see all of the misogyny that still exists in our society, especially in South Asian culture. The fact that we're still seeing abortion being banned in countries and states like Texas, right? There's a still strong piece for me to speak to that. And to speak to, yes, we would love to be in a society that doesn't care about gender, that we can be male, female, or non-binary, it doesn't matter. We don't have to use this term. We don't have to, let's say, even say if we're white or a woman of color. I would love that to be in a place where we can truly see ourselves. We're just humans. And I also feel like we can't ignore the history of the past 5,000 plus years, predominantly father religions, patriarchy of all these things. So that's why for me it still feels important to use these to really understand what system and construct we've been living in and to reclaim it, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

Yeah, I mean that resonates. That resonates at Lions. I'm sure the people who have those questions will be part of answering that in a way that feels right for them. And that is where I will take the lead. And I also believe in, you know, the power of words and all of that from every standpoint. And so I really, you know, resonate with what you're saying. So thank you for taking a stab at that. Cause I kind of threw that at you to be like, let's see. I feel like you're the most expert person I know to even take a stab at it. So thank you for that.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

And I want to say, yeah, I'm I don't think I am an expert, but I do know my own truth. And that's where I feel comfortable expressing. And that's what I hope for everyone to feel comfortable expressing, and not for it to feel like you're the enemy, you're bad to think this, and you're immediately cancelled because you think a certain different way. So that's where I stand. And there are so many other options for people who don't want to use the terms, and I think that's completely okay too.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

So speaking of knowing your truth, what does it mean to own your story?

SPEAKER_00 30:19

So owning your story, I feel like comes in a few pieces. I think the embodiment pieces first. Like, so can we own our entire experience? Can we own what we're feeling in the present moment and all that brings? Can we own and accept the parts of our past, even the parts that we want to hide from? So, for example, when I was writing my bio for this podcast interview, I was just gonna leave it as I'm a storyteller, somatic coach, blah, blah, blah. But then it felt important for me to also say that I worked in Silicon Valley, to say what I went to school, even though it feels so maybe not related in my mind to who I am anymore, but it is still part of my past. It is still what shaped me to who I am today. And I also feel like there's this owning of who we're stepping into in the future. So, are we allowing space for this next version of us? Because owning our story isn't a static thing. We're not going to be this again, 2D static person who just stays that way. So I think there's a piece of opening to the future. And this is what I'm I'm speaking to very much of an internal process, right? I didn't even speak to the part of sharing your story and being visible. I think that comes like that's like the cherry on the top. Like that, I almost feel like if you don't do that, that's okay. Because inevitably you are sharing yourself despite being who you are. Being who you are in community, being who you are in your family, that starts to shift things no matter what. So the way you show up, whether that's social media, whether that is just simply with your kids, that's gonna leave a lasting mark. So that to me is the most important part. Of course, I do help people with storytelling and writing and creating because I love it and I think it's important, but it's it's definitely not the only piece.

SPEAKER_01 32:26

That's an important distinction. And what is the most challenging part when it comes to even owning your story?

SPEAKER_00 32:35

Ooh, this is where I'm also thinking go back to myself, right? And and see where I'm at with it all. It can one feel a bit lonely because again, you don't fit into a very well-defined box or way of being. So you're you're going to be inevitably just carving your own path and being a leader, whether you want to or not, because you are creating a new way of being. So that can feel lonely at times. It can be challenging because it requires space. It's not something that you can rush through. Like as much as you want to maybe own your story in an intensive, you'll get to pieces. But this is a lifelong practice. So I feel like being willing to be in the practice is it's challenging and not something that everyone wants to do.

SPEAKER_01 33:30

What's at risk if you don't do it?

SPEAKER_00 33:34

I mean, I feel like we just look at our collective society right now, and that's what I see at risk, right? We're seeing a lot of unhealed trauma, a lot of things that are being passed down unconsciously from generation to generation that may not be serving us. We see animosity. And I think we have a hard time accepting others and in the way of being if we can't accept ourselves first. So all the hatred against queer people or women or different ethnicities and races, like, I don't think we would really be in that spot if we actually accepted ourselves first and felt safe within our own bodies. So I feel like we're kind of already there. It's like, can we wake up and see it and start changing?

SPEAKER_01 34:24

When it comes to this work, what unique challenges do South Asian women face?

SPEAKER_00 34:31

There's a quite a few things that I can feel right now. So, one, and I can't speak for every South Asian woman. This is just people I've spoken to or worked with. And I'm speaking about South Asian women as immigrants because that's a lot I know, but there's this pressure to prove and be perfect and be successful in a certain way. And that could be passed down for my parents who had to rise up in a certain way in our Western culture and create a life for themselves. But I also feel like there's a lot of pressure I see as daughters of the patriarchy that we get and those messages that pass down of what is good, what isn't. There's so many complex layers of do we want to be more like our fathers or mothers, or what is the right, right path for South Asian women. It's really unclear sometimes because from what I know for many South Asian women, they come from really traditional family values where the father's the breadwinner, the patriarchy kind of instilled in that. And again, patriarchy is always always talking just to males, it's the whole system. And the mothers might be the nurturer, stay-at-home mom, or even if they're working, it's like a very different dynamic of what a woman's role and responsibility is in the house and what a man says. So I think that comes through quite a bit. I can say also being a woman of color, you're just trying to fit in and find where you belong. And that can be also another piece of a South Asian identity of is it okay for me to share all of these things about myself? Can I show my love for Indian food? And I don't know, whatever else it is. So those there's a lot of dualities and complexities, I think, in a multicultural identity, anyways. And for whatever reason, I know your podcast is called the self-worth edit, but the topic of self-worth comes up so often. And I think for whatever reason, South Asian women, and it almost makes me emotional to say this because I can't find the words. It's just like we've somehow subconsciously internalized that we're not enough from so many different places, and so many like subliminal messages that tell us that. So the concept of self-worth feels like it should be even deeper for South Asian women. And yeah, there's this, it's just kind of heartbreaking to even say that.

SPEAKER_01 37:05

Yeah, I don't know how to put this in words either, and I didn't at the time, but when you were talking about, you know, when I asked you what's at risk, and you were talking about the collective unhealed trauma, that just like took me to an emotional place and I couldn't put my finger on it. And as you talk about this, like I'm actually visualizing some trauma collectively being passed down generation to generation, generation. What is the core of that? That the result is this feeling of not enoughness. And it is emotional, like it is very emotional because it feels overwhelming. And the other piece that's coming up for me as we talk about South Asian women and as you're talking is that even the part of own your story, it's like your own story. We we're such a communal culture and society. And South Asian women, at least from what I've seen in my experience, you're always putting yourself in the context of some kind of a group, the family, the whole, the other. And there is a little bit of disconnect of self, and it's selfish to focus on your own stuff, right? So I think there's so much there.

SPEAKER_00 38:13

That's a really valid point. And I think it's beautiful. We see ourselves in community and in a context of others. But when have South Asian women have the permission to put their selves first, their desires, like true juicy desires first. I haven't seen that, at least in my own family. And it feels exciting and scary to be able to do that for myself. And I know I'm still working through so much of that.

SPEAKER_01 38:43

Yeah. So, you know, that being said, what is your vision for the work that you do with women and for yourself with all this?

SPEAKER_00 38:54

It's really simple. I think it's like I just want women to feel really fucking good about themselves and accept who they are. The parts that also feel edgy and raw, and like just like, ooh, like I don't know what it is, but like letting that be okay. And the parts that are like so beautiful and amazing, I need to be celebrated more. So being able to accept that and feel really just good about ourselves. And I just feel like from there, what comes through is beautiful. And I think there's this again going back to the feminine, what creations come through from the place of feeling good. I just can't wait to see what we create collectively, whether that is just creating a family or I mean that's a big that's a big deal, but it doesn't have to be like a business or this big thing that has to be enforced, you know. Creations can be really intimate, but I think it's so beautiful when we're doing it from a place of love and acceptance.

SPEAKER_01 39:51

I love that. I love the simplicity of that and yet the impact of it too. So when it comes to somatic healing and owning your story and all of the things we've talked about, what do you think is one of the biggest misconceptions people have around it?

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Yeah, fire questions, by the way. Thank you. Yeah, I don't know exactly what other people's misconceptions are, but I can tell you what mine were a few years ago because I came from this lens of like, oh, if I listen to my body, I'm gonna be lazy or I'm not gonna be doing enough, or I already know my body because I work out and I do yoga. And I don't know if I ever came with a misconception. I think for me, it just came with avoidance. So that's what I wonder for more people. Is it that we have a misconception about it or just something we don't look at at all? Have we even taken the time to understand what it is? Or are we too fixated on the thing that's gonna get us that six-figure job or that next whatever milestone we're trying to achieve? So that's maybe where I come to. Like, have we even had time to form misconceptions about it, or are we just simply not looked at it?

SPEAKER_01 41:04

Yeah, I wonder if it's more like one of those things that you don't realize, you don't wake up to until you're kind of pushed to some sort of an edge. And hopefully everyone listening has a one-up and you've heard about it, and you can start checking in with yourself before getting to any kind of limit or breaking point.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

Yeah, no, I was gonna say that I think we've all had so many experiences in life that shape us and that can be challenging. And one of the things that we can end up doing and help us is like armor ourselves. We numb, we shut down, or we create these personas of ourselves to protect, but then we create all these armoring. And it's like, at what point does that feel too heavy? What point am I just feeling way down and I can't move? And like that's the part when we can invite in some of us somatic healing to take off this big heavy metal armor and to be in our soft, naked bodies. So there is always going to be a point where I think someone will know if that's right for them. I hope it's sooner rather than later. But you're right. I think that it does take something to shake that up a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

That's good, though. I love that that analogy, that visual, that example to kind of lean into. We're almost wrapping up here, which I feel like time is flying, honestly, talking with you. Is there anything I have not asked you that you were wishing I would or hoping I would?

SPEAKER_00 42:28

I don't think so. I don't follow human design too much, but I'm a reflector. So I'm usually not going out with too much like this is what needs to happen, and this is what I have to share for me the intention just being super present here with you in this conversation. And I'm sure if we do this again in a a week or a month or whenever, there'll be other things that come out. But I think what we covered today feels really, really good and really perfect.

SPEAKER_01 42:53

I don't know if I've met a reflector. I'm a manifester. It's nice to come back.

SPEAKER_00 42:57

Interesting. I supposedly we're very rare. There's only a few, like I think it's like one percent.

SPEAKER_01 43:04

I don't, I don't actually reflectors are super rare. Manifestors, I think, are the next rare virus. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah. We do have actually, I interviewed Rubina Ayanicro on an earlier episode. She's all about human design. So I love it.

SPEAKER_00 43:20

Yeah, I have still so much to learn there. So it's it's a helpful tool, but it's one of the things that confuses me too. So I'm like, okay, I'll I'll use it when it helps.

SPEAKER_01 43:29

Yeah, exactly. I feel like with all of that, with Enneagram, with anything, you just have to kind of take what works for you and resonates and you know, helps you better understand yourself and leave the bits that feel confusing and misaligned.

SPEAKER_00 43:42

So I'm just that in sense with identity in general, just going back to like staff age and like choose the pieces that serve you when the identity mask or whatever it is is gonna have to be mask, isn't serving you, walk away or just find a different different way to see it. So Yeah, human design, all those things. I think very interesting.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

I love it. There's so many tools out there that we can take advantage of. And I like that. I like that, you know, there's something for everyone at different phases of our lives and our understanding of ourselves. So how can people work with you and where can they connect with you?

SPEAKER_00 44:18

So my company is called Citrus and Gold. And if you go to my website, you'll see the different offerings I have. I do offer single somatic story healing sessions. So that's a new offering that I may keep for some time. I may not. We'll see. But I typically do longer four to six month mentorship programs called Embodied Story Living, where it is somatic healing. It's about helping you open your voice and own your story and create whatever comes through next. And then I do offer that in a more structured teaching format in the program called Own Your Story, which I'm really, really excited to launch soon. I don't have a date yet because I know other pieces of my own story that I'm integrating right now and I don't want to rush that process. But that is also a three-month program. If you're interested in that, on my website, I have a wait list. So highly encourage you to join or apply to any one-on-one offerings that you might be interested in.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

And where can people connect with you and find you in the meantime?

SPEAKER_00 45:22

Right. So I'm at Citrus and Gold on Instagram. That's probably the best place right now. I do send newsletters to my email list, which I think you can find on my website. If you can't just DM me and I'll be happy to connect and just chat in general too. I love connecting with people.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

Amazing. Well, this has been great. Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us.

SPEAKER_00 45:50

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 45:53

Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of the Self-Worth Edit. If this interview with Akansha and Akantra's story and advice and tips resonated with you, please share it with a friend, someone who can benefit from it, or share it to Instagram with your insights and tag the two of us. We would love to see what you took away from this. And tuning soon for another new episode of Talk Sound.