Are We Conditioned to Not Care about Our Self-Care?

I have to be honest…the concept of self-care is sometimes a bit foreign to me.

 As I gain more self awareness, I start to ask myself, why that is?

 Why it doesn’t come-up for me often?

 What I am starting to realize is that I have been conditioned to not care about my self-care

 Let me explain:

 There’s a Somali proverb that says “Nin lagu seexdow, has seexan”

 This translates to – If there’s someone sleeping on you, don’t sleep.  

 In other words, if you have people depending on you, you can’t afford to sleep.

 This proverb explains exactly how I feel about self-care

 As a young single mother, I often was busy doing everything that I could to meet my children’s needs. there was not much left to think about self-care and my own needs

 When I entered the workforce, I felt that I better make use of this opportunity!  I better work my butt off to go above and beyond to show my boss that they weren’t wrong in giving me a chance.

 And when I finally became the manager of my Centre, I had 20 bosses that I answered to.  I considered everyone in my team as my boss.  I felt that it was up to me to make sure they were happy. I was the go to person for all their issues at – I had that open door policy for real!

 But the problem with that was that I felt their needs were always more urgent than mine.

 I did that because I felt, I wanted to do a good job.  Support my people the best way that I could and at all cost.

 In the background tho, the story that was playing was, like me so that I can keep my job.  

 I felt if I talked about my needs, I wouldn’t be seen as a strong person. I would be dispensable.

Can a WOC afford to complain at work and run the risk of being seen LAZY! Or God forbid Difficult! Can you relate to this? 

 I felt so depleted at the end of the day, I had no energy left for my family and myself to enjoy life. I just came home and crashed! Only to repeat the same thing tomorrow.

 And now, As an entrepreneur I find myself at times this mindset showing up in different ways.

 The thing that I have to be mindful of is that If I don’t show-up for me and my needs, I can’t expect others to do it.

 One mistake that I made as a parent is that  I’ve always sheltered my children from the problems, struggles cause I wanted them to have worry free life.

 But what I realize is that even your kids need to understand that you’re human and that you have needs.This is why it’s important to allow kids to understand your needs as a parent and your challenges without traumatizing them.  

 That helps them understand and appreciate you and have compassion and empathy for you.

 As I become more aware of this, I realize that the mindset behind my thinking is the lack.

 It’s the belief that my needs are not important.  That I exist only to serve others

As you reflect on your feeling towards self-care, recognize what's coming up for you:

•  Do you feel comfortable to say no when something feels too much for you?
•  Do you feel like you need a strong reason to say no?
•  Do you resistance resistance expressing your needs?
•  Do you feel like you have to do it all by yourself?
•  Is the Strong Black Woman Syndrome showing up for you?
•  Are you unwilling to do fun things just for you?

 Remember, just because you have responsibilities does not mean that you don’t have to practice self-care.

 Self-care is a feeling that you matter, and that you’re a worthy of prioritizing your needs above all