Have we become captives to the siren song of automation and scaling in our businesses, sacrificing the very connections that make our work meaningful? In this solo episode, I will share my thoughts about what happens when we venture beyond the seductive allure of membership counts and follower metrics to a place where success is measured by the depth of client connections. In a world enamored with 'DM me' bots and impersonal marketing funnels, we propose a radical return to personal, authentic engagement. I’ll also peel back the curtain on my own discomfort with marketing practices that can feel manipulative, and how I navigate the delicate balance of maintaining a personal touch in my business communications.
Listen closely as we further consider the impact of presence and authenticity in social media. Together, we will dissect the struggles of scaling without losing the essence of human connection, and the invaluable role of personal connection in both learning environments and online spaces. Embrace this conversation as an invitation to redefine the intersection of technology and humanity in our entrepreneurial ventures, ensuring that at the heart of it all, we stay authentically connected.
Kat HoSoo Lee is an Emotional Alchemy Coach, Spiritual Business Mentor and host of The Emotional Alchemy Podcast.
She loves playing in the space where science and spirituality converge because this is where we get to experience emotional alchemy. In her work,she educatesspace-holders about somatic physiology and environmental biology so they can deepen their practices of listening and presence which ultimately helps them expand their capacity to hold space for others.
As a Spiritual Business Mentor, she guides soulful entrepreneurs to approach their business as a spiritual practice. The work bridges the emotional landscape with practical tools which allow them to cultivate businesses that are rooted in conscious values, relational marketing and purposeful service.
Have we become captives to the siren song of automation and scaling in our businesses, sacrificing the very connections that make our work meaningful? In this solo episode, I will share my thoughts about what happens when we venture beyond the seductive allure of membership counts and follower metrics to a place where success is measured by the depth of client connections. In a world enamored with 'DM me' bots and impersonal marketing funnels, we propose a radical return to personal, authentic engagement. I’ll also peel back the curtain on my own discomfort with marketing practices that can feel manipulative, and how I navigate the delicate balance of maintaining a personal touch in my business communications.
Listen closely as we further consider the impact of presence and authenticity in social media. Together, we will dissect the struggles of scaling without losing the essence of human connection, and the invaluable role of personal connection in both learning environments and online spaces. Embrace this conversation as an invitation to redefine the intersection of technology and humanity in our entrepreneurial ventures, ensuring that at the heart of it all, we stay authentically connected.
Kat HoSoo Lee is an Emotional Alchemy Coach, Spiritual Business Mentor and host of The Emotional Alchemy Podcast.
She loves playing in the space where science and spirituality converge because this is where we get to experience emotional alchemy. In her work,she educatesspace-holders about somatic physiology and environmental biology so they can deepen their practices of listening and presence which ultimately helps them expand their capacity to hold space for others.
As a Spiritual Business Mentor, she guides soulful entrepreneurs to approach their business as a spiritual practice. The work bridges the emotional landscape with practical tools which allow them to cultivate businesses that are rooted in conscious values, relational marketing and purposeful service.
This podcast is made possible with sound production by Andre Lagace.
Speaker 1:
Hi friends, I am Kat and I am your anti-skill business coach. Now I say that a little bit tongue-in-cheek because I'm seeing so many cookie-cutter business coaches out there and they're just all talking about how to automate your outreach, build out a funnel and scale your business, and I really want to like unpack what each of those things are and how that actually distances us from connection from our clients. So, first things, I want to just say with like explicit clarity that when I say that I'm anti-scale, it doesn't mean that I don't want you to succeed, and that's kind of what this conversation is about. Right, like scaling through memberships specifically seems to be the new definition of success in the coaching world right now, and I think we're losing our humanity as an industry in the pursuit of automation, scale and reach. What I want us to do in this community is I want us to start defining success on our own terms. So, even with what I share, if you make the empowered choice that creating a membership or watching your Instagram follower account grow is what makes you feel successful, I love that for you. I want to inspire you to source that authority from within, not to look to external markers including myself of what other people think that your life should look like External validation is not a marker of a successful business, because we are all each so individual, and then, even within the scale of your life, you're going to go through multiple rounds of evolution and it is worth holding curiosity, both for yourself and for each phase of your life, to decide what success means in each of these scenarios, and then not just what it means, but what it feels like and looks like for you specifically.
Speaker 1:
Okay, so that's kind of a long intro. So, like, this is gonna be a longer conversation, apparently. First things, off the bat, I really believe that business is a relational practice and I'm gonna sort of like run you through a just hypothetical situation, right? So imagine meeting someone that you find attractive and, let's say, you comment on their tattoo because you genuinely were interested, and what that image meant to them, and if there's a story behind it, right, so there's an opening for connection that you just initiated. Now imagine that this person launches into a canned response that was clearly set up to try to get you on a date. So that feels kind of icky, right? Well, that's like the real life version of when people say DM me healed for my 10 step somatic exercise program to heal trauma and I didn't realize this because I don't have a ton of automation in my business.
Speaker 1:
But my friend Lindsay Lockett she shared in her stories the other day and, just as like a sidebar, that story that I'm going to reference right now is under her highlights reel, under ethics. That entire little like highlight reel is like a masterclass in and of itself. So go check that out, but anyways. So she was talking about on her stories that when this happens, the DM me, whatever word it is, and then they'll send you whatever it is that they're promising. They'll send you whatever it is that they're promising.
Speaker 1:
That's an automated system set up on the other side and Instagram and these automated systems are training us as consumers to act like robots so that a robot on the other end is triggered to create a false sense of connection, of connection, so like okay, so I have to like pause here, because I do value efficiency and I do use AI in certain situations. So, for example, when I'm writing show notes, I use AI as kind of the framework and then I add my own sort of flavor to it. That's for the podcast, but for me, a boundary that I hold when it comes to the tools that I choose for my business systems is that connection cannot be automated. Connection cannot be automated, and so what that means to me is that there are certain things like my writing, the content that I share on my podcast, the oh my gosh, like beautifully rich conversations that I have in my DMs, the workshops that I teach, the coaching, the follow-up after coaching and the communications that I have with my collaborators. All of that requires my personal energy, because it is my direct connection to my clients, my community and my collaborators. So if you feel strange about DMing somebody a magic word that's going to trigger a bot to release exclusive content in someone's stories or it's going to start a conversation in their DMs like you're not wrong there that's the part of you that feels confused about the coldness of something that actually should feel warm, and it reduces your humanity to nothing more than a robotic call and answer. By the way, if you've engaged in any of these business and marketing tools, this is not the time to flagellate yourself.
Speaker 1:
I've used some of them as well, because this is the water that we all swim in. Daniel and Gabor Mate in their book the Myth of Normal say we're all swimming in. Sometimes it's really hard to see and discern where it's culture and what feels good to us and what we're being manipulated into doing or what we are being told to do and we're just taught to do all these things. And so this is for those of us who have felt a bit off about these practices even when we were doing them, and we're really just looking to understand why that exists and how we can do better. So when I talk about funnels, I have, I have had a complicated relationship with funnels, um, because funnels was a thing that felt really uncomfortable to me.
Speaker 1:
I never really got into the whole funnel situation, but it was so confusing because it like doesn't seem manipulative or kind of icky at the offset, right? It took me a while to figure out why it felt uncomfortable. So imagine a funnel like a literal funnel, like a physical funnel. It's got solid sides, you pour some water in and the whole idea is that the water cannot escape, right? So funnels are set up to reduce the chances of a potential client making an autonomous decision to not work with you or to not buy your product. Oftentimes in these funnels there's an escalating level of scarcity and pressure to get you to move that mouse over the buy now button. And, honestly, it's not even hidden anymore Because, in this age of dopamine induced decisions, it just feels like a regular thing to see and feel escalating pressure.
Speaker 1:
So why does this marketing tactic feel weird for spaceholders? It's because it's counter to what a good spaceholder does. A good spaceholder. What we do is we open up options. So when a client comes to me with a struggle, oftentimes they're already in a state of either sympathetic mobilization or dorsal vagal shutdown, or they're fluctuating between those two states of mobilization and immobilization. So, in short, what they see are only two options.
Speaker 1:
Now, when you study the nervous system, you know that when you only see two options, when your life turns into a binary series of this or that, that's an indication that your nervous system is in a threatened state. This is nothing wrong with your nervous system. This is not anything to fix about your nervous system. There's nothing that your body is doing that needs to be punished. This is actually by design. So, if you think about it, we evolved from humans who did need this functionality in our nervous system. Right, we needed to narrow down this decision to two simple choices to keep our bodies safe.
Speaker 1:
So if you, if you're running away from a bear, like you want your body to be thinking fight or flight, right?
Speaker 1:
Like you don't want to be thinking about you know what did the bear eat for lunch? And I wonder if maybe the bear is protecting its cubs Like you, just see threatening bear and you have to decide what to do in that space, right? So I know that I've done my job as a space holder. When my client is able to see a third, a fourth or even a fifth option for themselves, because to me that signals that their nervous system is no longer operating from that threatened space, because they're able to see nuance and they're able to see choice. And also I don't want to be making that decision for them. I don't want to be the one who's like, hey, like you should do this thing right. I want them to feel so safe within their nervous systems that that organically happens, that choice organically rises to the surface.
Speaker 1:
And so for me that's the whole concept of a funnel meant that I had to take this beautiful skill of space holding that I do naturally and then lock it away so that I could attract people into working with me and then bring it back out again once they've paid, like that feels really inconsistent and inauthentic. So to me, that's why funnels just didn't make sense and I've only been able to like, articulate that like fairly recently. So remember what I said about business being relational. As a practitioner, moving people through a funnel feels like I'm setting up a series of insecure relationships and I don't know that on this side, as a practitioner, as a marketer, as a business person, I don't know that I'd be able to turn off this question of are they choosing like out of sovereignty, like are they actually choosing to work with me or are they choosing to work with me because I exacerbated their like already threatened nervous system into making a decision to work with me, because I narrowed down their choices and I actually pushed on their nervous system with pressure to a point that they had to then like come make it into like a binary choice do I work with cat or do I not work with cat? And that's not where I want to like be meeting people, like be meeting people. I want to model secure relationships and I want to build that from the start and I want to finish that with each client. So why would I want to build a relationship that begins from a place of insecurity and to me, like that's what a funnel is. It's just what a funnel is. It's just. It's just about creating insecurity to get that sale. So that brings me to reach and scale.
Speaker 1:
So, honestly, I don't care if a reel of mine ever goes viral. If what happens in that virality is people just watch it once and then move on, because that's not connection, that's reach. Reach is rarely the problem. If you've been feeling this pressure to post more and be seen in your marketing, reach is not your problem. The problem is a lack of connection. I've known plenty of people who have had 10 times more followers than I do, 100 times more followers than I do, and they don't feel the warmth of community or the security in their bank account that I feel, because what it all comes down to is I trust my business, I trust my community because it's built on connection.
Speaker 1:
When we focus on reach rather than connection, the machine of Instagram is the only winner in that scenario. And you know what I know? I'll probably never have a viral reel because, on average, most of the stories that I post here like they're running 10 to 30 minutes long. We're already 13 minutes into this one, right, and the algorithm really hates that. And like the feeling is mutual algorithm. Like I don't really love you either. What I want is for people to find me and then stick around for a minute, get to know my work, see if it resonates and if it does, like, hang out. We've got lots of different ways to hang out, right, and if it doesn't, that's okay too.
Speaker 1:
Like I want the people who don't resonate with my work to move on and find the thing that works for them, because authentic connection is not just something that I crave, but it's what keeps my business safe. It's what I lean on when I have a slow month. I know that my community is not fickle. They don't just, like poof, magically disappear just because I didn't post something for a week or two. Right.
Speaker 1:
And even though I feel connected to my community on social media, I am pretty inconsistent about posting on social media sometimes, and I'm going to argue that the reason I am inconsistent is because I am so committed to connection, and I realize that this is counter to what every other business coach is going to say about marketing. But here's the thing right, the only way to shorten the timeline to connection is through vulnerability and authenticity, and that comes from within me. I cannot fake that, and vulnerability and authenticity is not accessible to me 100% of the time, because I am human. Guess who wins when you're consistent like a robot on Instagram? Instagram wins Not you, not your clients, not your community. Instagram wins the tool, not the human wins. So this is why it's so important to be crystal clear on what your values are and why you do what you do.
Speaker 1:
If my purpose of being on social media is to connect, then I'm going to do it the same way that I do my real life relationships. Right, I'm going to show up fully present. I'm going to have some boundaries. I'm going to tell my truth. I am going to listen. I'm going to share when I need to take a break. We're going to talk about some stories. Like, essentially, I'm just going to be a human with you Because, as a social creature who's had oh you know just a few generations of time where I've had ancestors who have wired like neural circuitry to seek and cultivate connection, like I'm going to be so much better at that than a computer or robot or AI.
Speaker 1:
Now, something that we all have in common as space holders and spiritual entrepreneurs is that our product is connection, and I think sometimes we lose touch with that and you cannot connect by manipulating the algorithm and holding your clients at an arm's length for the sake of scaling. And if I'm being completely honest, that's like right at the cusp of where my business is right now. I had already started turning BAM into a membership, with self-taught video curriculum instead of teaching live, and any other business coach would tell you that this is the thing to do. But I've been feeling a little bit internally turmoil-y about it because, yeah, I've got the curriculum set and all I have to do is start automating and scaling. And you know the thing that they say is value your time enough to put space between me and my clients, and that feels really uncomfortable to me because all those things would reduce the intimacy and the connection that I feel with my community and it. It's already happening and I was talking about this with a BAM alumni. Her name is Mia and we were just sort of going back and forth in the DMs and she's a procreate coach and she took BAM. I want to say it's been a couple years ago now. You're going to have to like, tell me, because I can't remember what is time right. So she shared, and I'm going to read from her, from her, what she wrote in the DMs Only a few people find the energy and the courage to engage regularly with membership content, since one important ingredient is missing connection and energy sensitivity.
Speaker 1:
Regularly with membership content, since one important ingredient is missing connection and energy sensitivity. And oh my god, this is so true because I know that I've bought into memberships and then, like, quickly left because I just don't utilize them, and back in the day I used to make this something wrong about me. But looking back now, what is becoming clear is that my intuitive, spidey sense was picking up on the fact that it takes more effort to cultivate a connection in those spaces. And it's been years since I've bought a membership, because I'm just not into superficiality, like I want to get into the bones of people, right. So why then, when I'm looking at BAM, why would I create something that I wouldn't buy myself?
Speaker 1:
One thing that I think that universities are doing right, in my opinion, is that universities will invest billions of dollars. I don't actually know what the number is, but like think about all the universities that are open right now and like the faculty stuff. Right, like billions of dollars to keep a robust faculty team alive, and many of these professors are teaching the same curriculum over and over again, year after year. So I remember taking this is going to be random, but I took a dinosaur class when I was in my undergrad at UC Santa Cruz and to this day it was like one of the most engaging, delightful classes that I've ever taken in my life. Up one of the like biggest lecture halls. There were like hundreds of students in it. It would like there was like a wait list to get into this dinosaur class. It was like an intro to dinosaurs class. It was wild.
Speaker 1:
And the reason why I think that that class was so popular and so like beloved by students year after year after year, like people talked about it years later, right, is the good professors keep the material alive for themselves, and they do that by honing their craft of teaching and seeing how that work can be added to, how it needs to be pruned, how it needs to be updated. And they do this because they know that teaching is not just an information dump, because they know that teaching is not just an information dump, it's an experience between student and mentor. And I'm going to quote Mia again here. So the reason why teaching live works so well together is because we all started together or we all suffered together, and we get to know each other on a more personal level at the same time in history, while experiencing a similar wave of energy. And so this like continues to reinforce this theory that I have. It's a theory like full-on. It's a theory.
Speaker 1:
You cannot outsource and automate connection to a robot or, to a certain extent, even to like another human and expect to cultivate intimacy right, which would take out the like why, behind everything that I do, I have a business, so that I can hold space. I don't have, or rather, yeah, let me say that again so I have a business so I can hold space, and it's not the other way around, and I will never scale at the expense of connection, because it dilutes the sacred medicine of connection. We heal through co-regulation, being understood, being in interdependent relationships, and when we prioritize these relational dynamics, we are plugging ourselves back into our natural ways of being with nature, with other beings, with other humans, other bodies and like I know that we're very clever as a human species, right like we can manufacture a lot, but you cannot manufacture, manufacture connection. So yeah, my friends, that is why I am your anti-scale business coach.
