Believe Like A Boss

Values & Behavior

• Nandi Camille • Season 5 • Episode 14

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What's guiding your everyday actions and decisions? Could you be living more authentically by aligning your actions with your core values? In this absorbing episode of Believe Like a Boss, we delve into the world of values and how they can shape our lives. Drawing inspiration from Brené Brown, we help you identify your top five values and reveal how to ensure your daily behaviors reflect them. We also explore how life changes may shift your values and discuss strategies to readjust. This episode is a call to self-reflection, encouraging you to pause, introspect and assess if your actions truly mirror your values.

The second part of our discussion confronts the stumbling block of 'all-or-nothing' thinking. We emphasize the importance of setting small, achievable goals that align with your top five values. We equip you with practical tips on how to stay connected with your values and remain true to your best self. The episode culminates with a conversation on how one-on-one coaching could assist you in further refining the alignment of your values with your actions. So, tune into this episode and embark on a journey to truly live your values and cultivate your best self!

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Speaker 1:

Hi, friends, and welcome to Believe Like a Boss. I'm your host Life Coach, nandu Kamil. Join me as I teach you how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual alignment and authentic action. I'll teach you how to create what I like to call a life of thrive, with ease and authenticity. It's time to play with what's possible. Are you ready? Let's go?

Speaker 2:

Hello, hello, hello, my friends and welcome back to another episode of Believe Like a Boss. I am your host, life Coach, nandu Kamil, and I'm so grateful to have you here for another episode. So this week my friends were talking about behavior and values. If you've been listening for a while, I believe there's at least two episodes where I talk about values, and I originally got this idea of values, of understanding what you value, of understanding your top five values, from Brene Brown, who's a shame researcher, who I absolutely love. I love studying shame with her. I love reading all of her books, because shame and guilt plays such a big role in how we show up in the world, how we feel about ourselves, how we think about others, and so it's been really important for me in my coaching and the way that I work with my clients. So I would say, go back and listen to one of those episodes for more information on values and what I talk about in my workshop. But what we're going to do is we're going to take the next step when we talk about values and behavior. Now, also, if you're a new listener to this podcast and this is your very first episode, you do not have to go back and listen to those values episodes. However, I do think that they're super helpful, but what we're going to talk about today is checking in do your values and your behavior match, and why that matters? And, of course, we're always going to paint a little bit of not a little bit. We're going to put some mindfulness in this, because that's what we talk about. And again, if you're new here, mindfulness my writing definition is awareness without judgment. So mindfulness is our ability to be curious about our thoughts, because the philosophy that I follow here is that our thoughts influence the way we feel. The way we feel influences the action we do or do not take. The action we take influences our results, and so when I'm coaching people, I'm always listening for the thoughts that you have. That's why this podcast is called believe like a boss. What are you believing? What are the thoughts that you are having that are influencing your feelings, actions and therefore results and other results? You're getting the results that you want.

Speaker 2:

So when we're talking about values and behavior, first and foremost, when I talk about values, when I work with values, I use Brené Brown's list of values, because it's a fantastic list. So just Google Brené Brown values and it'll pop up. It'll also pop up the book that is associated with it. I highly recommend all of her books. What I do with clients and what I do with myself seasonally is I look at that list and I choose my top five values, and, of course, there's also a section for you to add another value if you do not see something on that list.

Speaker 2:

But what I do is I go through and I pick out my top five values. What are the top five things that really show who I am, what I value, what's important to me, what's important to my goals and how I want to show up in the world? What are the top five words that truly embody those things For me? In the season right now, I've had a few things change, but a lot of them have really stayed consistent. For me, my top five right now are fun, simplicity, family connection and learning, and so I was writing those down and, as I was getting ready to do this podcast episode, I really took a moment to check in. Do I feel like my behavior, how I'm showing up on a day-to-day basis, is an alignment with my top five values, the values that I have chosen? And that's another thing.

Speaker 2:

When I do this values exercise, I really have people comb through this and check in, even after they've chosen their values. Are these values yours or were they given to you by somebody else? Now, there's nothing wrong if you have a value that maybe was given to you by a parent. It's just a matter of you checking in. Do I still want to carry this value that was given to me by my mom, my dad, my sibling, that one teacher that I really loved? Now that I'm an adult and I can think a little bit more for myself, do I still want to carry these values with me? Right, it might be that you carry values from your childhood. That's totally fine. I'm just checking in and seeing is this what I want to value? Now?

Speaker 2:

The question I'm asking you all today is, now that you have those top five values, if you've done that exercise or you might be just thinking about it right now what are the things that you value? Do you value family? Do you value timeliness? Do you value etiquette? Do you value learning? Look at your life and check in. What are the things that are important to you? Because here's my question Do your habits and daily action reflect your values? So, if you've already again, if you've already picked out your values.

Speaker 2:

This is a really great exercise. If you've never picked out your values, sat down, looked at the list. It's not something that you have to do, it is just a really wonderful tool to use. If you want to use it, but go and pick out your top five values. Or again, as you're listening right now, maybe you're thinking about what you value most, but if you've been here for a while and you've already picked out these top five values what's really important to you I want you to ask this question to yourself Do your habits and daily action reflect your values?

Speaker 2:

If the answer is yes for you, then I want you to check in how do you feel about your current life and your actions. If you feel like your actions match your values, how do you feel about your life? Do you feel really good? Do you feel in alignment? Do you feel happy about the way that you're showing up? Just check in what is attributing to your happiness. I think often we believe that when you see a coach or you see a therapist, it's just to fix things that are quote broken, it's just to do better, just to get your sugar, honey, ice tea together, because you're a hot mess. And absolutely. We work on those things.

Speaker 2:

But at the same time, I want to also expand what's going well. What is it that is already going well? If you feel like your values and your daily actions and your habits are in alignment, then fantastic. What is creating that? Because we want to create more of that. If you feel like you're being proactive, if you feel like you're in alignment, if you feel like you're showing up the way that you want to in the world, fantastic. What are those habits that allow you to feel the way you want to feel right now? Get clear on that. That's where that mindfulness comes in, that awareness without judgment. We're going to be aware of what it is that's attributing to our happiness, so that we can, on purpose, do more of it.

Speaker 2:

Do your values and actions align with who you desire to be and how you desire to show up in the world? That's what we're asking here. Do your values and actions align with who you desire to be? And here's the thing when we're asking these questions, I'm having the assumption that you know who you desire to be and you know how you desire to show up in the world. That might be something you need to stop and unpack right now. Who do you desire to be? Who do you want to be? Do you know what that means to you? I want to be a leader. I want to be my own boss. I want to have a side hustle. I want to be confident in the conference room. I want to be confident around money. I want to be confident in dating. Who do you want to be in the world? How do you desire to show up? If you're saying I want to be confident in the conference room, what does that mean? How do you desire to show up? Does that mean in the way that you dress? Is that in the way that you speak? Is that in the way that you carry yourself?

Speaker 2:

I was literally working on this with a client this past week and we're talking about assertiveness. If you didn't know already a little shameless plug right here I have swag on the website. On my website, naughtykameelcom slash shop. One of my sweatshirts is assertive AF. She bought that sweatshirt because that's one of the things that she's working on is being assertive, asserting herself, being confident.

Speaker 2:

When we started to unpack, what that meant for her part of that was just posture, standing up, tall, part of her growth, or what we're working on. What I'm checking in on her with is are you standing up tall physically? I'm asking her when we meet every other week are you standing up tall? Are you checking in with your posture when you are speaking to people? Are you making eye contact? Are you finding yourself hunched over? Are you finding yourself physically feeling small? We're working on her physically opening up. That's what it means to her to be more confident, along with other things. Right, it's also speaking up no-transcript, feeling good in your body when somebody questions you. Not shrinking down, but standing in your power in a way that keeps you powerful, keeps you in a leadership position, without being combative, without being reactive. That's what confidence means for her, and so we're unpacking that right.

Speaker 2:

Do your values and actions align with who you desire to be and how you desire to show up in the world? But you need to get clear on what that means for you, and I think so many times we go through the world and this is why I lovingly get on my husband about picking up his phone first thing in the morning, because I want him to. I'm like you've been resting, my love. You've been resting for hours and hours, and now, when you wake up in the morning. It's like we're playing slate. We have the opportunity to start fresh, but the first thing we do is pick up our phone. The first thing we do is turn on the television. We are now taking in information versus waking up and having that cup of tea, having that cup of coffee, walking around mindfully around your house and just thinking, before somebody tells you what to think, before somebody tells you what to focus on you directing your own focus right. Do you know who you want?

Speaker 2:

to be without Instagram, without take talk, without your mom and your dad or whoever else just you, in your own body, knowing the things that you've gathered along your lifetime, taking it all in, do you know who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world? That is step one. That is step one because if you don't know that, then you don't know what you value. So, check in. Who do you want to be and how do you want to show up in the world from that place? What are the values that align with that? What are those top five values? And from then, that place. Once you know your top five values and, my friends, I want you to take time with this process. This is not meant to be rushed. Don't rush any of this. Take time to understand who you are and who you want to be. Take time to sit down and understand what your values are, who, and think about. What's coming up for me now is think about the relationships you have. This could be helpful when you're thinking about your values, when you think about the people that you truly value in your life. What is it that you value about them? Is that they're timely? Is it that they follow through with their goals. When they say they're going to do something, they follow through with it is that that they're gift givers, and you love that. They're really thoughtful ahead of time. You're like man she always knows what occasions are coming up, and I love that. Notice what you value in other people and notice it. What parts of that you'd like to embody within yourself. Right, that might be a really fun way to check out your values, but before you dive into any of the rest of it, check in and make sure that your definition is the definition that you want. Now, if you feel like you have these values but you're not showing up in alignment with them, you don't feel like your daily habits or your action are in alignment with your values, I want you to check in. Here's your next question what do you want to shift? Because it might not be that your behaviors have to shift. It might be that your values have shifted, right? So this is the way I like to paint it for my clients is we have values and we have behavior and action. It might be that you're.

Speaker 2:

One of your values is authenticity. I really value being authentic, showing up in a space, whether it's work or it's at home or it's with my family, and being my true self, wearing the bright colors, no matter what room I'm in. That's important to me. I value authenticity and you might notice that my behavior is not in alignment with that value. That's an opportunity for us to check in.

Speaker 2:

Is it that I want to change my behavior? I'm noticing I'm not wearing my colorful earrings in all the rooms because I'm afraid that when I get to work, if I wear the colorful earrings, my boss is going to judge me. If my boss judges me that, I'm never going to get the promotion. If I don't get the promotion, I'm never going to make the money. I want to make notice. Our brains will do this, so we get to check in.

Speaker 2:

Is it that I want to shift my behavior or is it that I want to shift my value? In this case, often with clients. If I was working with a client, they would say I want to shift my behavior. I want to wear the sparkly earrings in the workspace. I can still be professional and be creative. I want to be authentic.

Speaker 2:

That value is important to me. I'm just noticing my behavior is not matching it right. So again, mindfulness, awareness without judgment. Notice the areas in your life where maybe your behavior is not matching the value that you have, the value that is still important to you, because that's first and foremost when you're looking at your value. Just make sure that these values are still important to you before you go around changing your behavior, because it might be here's another value that your value was achievement. Right.

Speaker 2:

You come to me and I've worked with a client where she's like achievement, I want to achieve, I want to be the best at everything. I, we impact you. What does that mean? What does that mean for you to be the best at everything? Achievement. And as we unpacked it, we realized that while achievement, success, doing the best, being the best is important to her, she didn't necessarily want to name that value anymore, so in that case it was about shifting the value, not shifting her behavior. She liked that she was showing up consistently in her business. She liked that she was proactive, she liked that she had connection with her community, and so then it became more important. Connection became her value. She shifted her value instead of shifting her behavior. She was already achieving what she wanted to achieve. It was now becoming more clear that connection was important to her. She wanted to continue to connect with her audience. That was her new form of achievement. So I want you to check in.

Speaker 2:

If you do not feel like your values and your behavior are matching, is it that the behavior needs to change the way you're showing up in the world? If you don't like the way you're showing up in the world, then it's the behavior that needs to change. It's a really easy way to figure that out. If you don't like the way you're showing up in the world, then it's the behavior that needs to change. But if you like the way you're showing up in the world, if you feel good about your day-to-day habits, activities, how you're waking up, how you're feeling, how you're going to bed, how you're spending your time, then it might be that your values have shifted and you might also be somewhere in the middle. Sometimes we're just in this place of change where maybe your career has changed or your wants have changed, your friends have changed, your place that you have lived has changed. So doing something like a values exercise, going and looking up that list of values and figuring out what's most important to me, reassessing that might be what we're at in this season of your life. Checking in Achievement used to be important to me, but now it's adventure. Adventure used to be important to me, but now I'm starting a family, and while I still want to travel with my family, that's still important Just the word family is actually really more important to me. Check in. I'm going to leave you with this quote. This is from Maya Angelou. I love it, and I think that it just wraps up this podcast in a beautiful bow.

Speaker 2:

Success is liking who you are, what you do and how you do it. The point of this entire episode, the point of this entire podcast, is to help you define and actualize success as you define it. Not everybody's version of success is being a millionaire. Not everybody's version of success is being a life coach. Not everybody's version of success is X, y and Z. It's your job to define your version of success and to trust yourself to be the person who can create that version of success. I'm going to read that quote to you one more time.

Speaker 2:

Success is liking who you are, what you do and how you do it, and so all I'm asking you today is do you like what you're doing? Do you like who you are? Do you like how you're showing up in the world. Some of the tools to help you fine tune that are identifying your values and mindfully checking in, looking at your behavior and being honest with yourself. I wanna be somebody that's proactive, somebody that works out three to five times a week, but on a weekly basis I'm sleeping in and I make zero plans to work out. I make zero plans to schedule a walk with my friends. I'm not actually taking the action that I'm saying, that I want to take. Be honest with so much love.

Speaker 2:

This is not an opportunity to beat yourself up. That's never what we're doing. It's an opportunity to be honest and to change your behavior, because we want to. We're not here to force anything that you don't want. You get to decide. Do you actually want to get up and work out? Do you actually want to improve your friendships? Do you actually want to start that business? Do you actually want to start that podcast? Do you actually want to grow your business? I said that already. Grow your network. Do you actually want to go on vacation? Do you actually want to dot, dot, dot? You get to decide. You get to decide what you want and then, from that place, you get to decide if you're going to take the action.

Speaker 2:

And so now it's just an opportunity to check in. Am I actually following through with what I want? Am I actually do my behaviors, do my habits reflect my desires, yes or no? Yes or no? And if they don't, what would I like to do instead? What little habit can I change? What next action can I take that is a step closer to the person that I want to become?

Speaker 2:

Check in for that all or nothing thinking. That all or nothing thinking says I have to do it all. I have to wake up early, change my habits, meet the person all at once or do it nothing at all, do nothing at all. You check in, my friend. All or nothing thinking is not serving you Bite size. It Do some habit stacking.

Speaker 2:

Check in with your values. Just identify what your top five values are. Start there and identify those top five values in alignment with your best self. When you're going and you're identifying what those top five values are, I want you to keep in mind your best self, who is showing up in the world the way you want to show up. What do they value? What is important to them, cause that's what's important to you, or decide that it's not important to you, but know that you're in charge.

Speaker 2:

Get clear, take action. You got this, my friend. Hey friend, if you like this podcast, I would love it. If you give us a five star rating, share it with your friends. Share it with somebody another girl, boss, babe that you know is grinding, showing up as her best self and can maybe use some support on her way. If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, if this podcast resonates with you and you're ready for some one-on-one support support for you and your journey Go ahead to nannikamillecom to learn more, or head over to nannikamillecom to learn more. Or head over to nannikamillecom to learn more. And if you're interested in one-on-one coaching, go ahead to nannikamillecom to learn more, or head over to nannikamilleasme to sign up for your free discovery call.