Believe Like A Boss

Follow The Fear

• Nandi Camille • Season 6 • Episode 2

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Turning 31 hit me with a mix of emotions, not unlike the cocktail of joy and jitters one feels before a big performance. When I reflect on the past year I have had, I'm reminded of the self-created milestones I've yet to achieve—motherhood and a spot on Forbes 30 under 30, to name a few. However, in the spirit of true growth, I've learned to shift my gaze from what's missing, to the abundance before me. 

Have you ever questioned the value of your dreams or heard that nagging voice of doubt when embarking on a new venture? You're not alone; I've been there and so have my clients! 

Whether staring down the precipice of a new Etsy shop launch, battling the fear of wasted effort. This journey isn't just about quieting the inner critic; it's about acknowledging the frustration and resentment these fears can breed and using them as a pivot point for self-awareness and growth. 

In this heart-to-heart, I extend an invitation to explore these complex emotions as I share my own, and offer a gentle reminder that personal evolution is a path paved with choices only you have the power to make.


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Speaker 1:

Hi, friends, and welcome to Believe Like a Boss. I'm your host Life Coach, Nandi Camille. Join me as I teach you how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual alignment and authentic action. I'll teach you how to create what I like to call a life of thrive, with ease and authenticity. It's time to play with what's possible. Are you ready? Let's go.

Speaker 2:

Hello, hello, hello, my friends, and welcome back to another episode of Believe Like a Boss. I am your host life coach, nandi. Camille, I am so ready. Let's go, my friends. Okay, so my birthday just happened. I just turned 31.

Speaker 2:

I had a lot of fear coming up to it. I was like, oh my gosh, how am I going to feel? Because I think that coming up to 30, I thought that I was going to feel really calm and empowered. And you know, when I was around 13, it was when 13, coming on, 30, came out with Jennifer Garner Love that movie, and that movie really painted this beautiful picture of aging. And I feel like I also grew up in this time where aging it was like 30 is the new 20, where aging has just been talked about in a really positive way. I feel that's been my perspective on it.

Speaker 2:

But having said all that 30, even though I thought coming up to it was going to be a lot more light and empowering 30, actually I felt a lot of pressure, not from anybody else but myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself. At 30, I there were so many things that I told myself needed to be done or have been completed and that when they weren't. I'm going to just be very honest and I put this on an Instagram post that I did recently um, and if you're curious about my Instagram, go into the show notes. It's tagged there or it's at nandicamille. But I talked about how I had I wanted to become a mom by 30 and that didn't happen, and that's something that I'm going to unpack with you guys a little bit later. I I want to think about how I want to impact that with you guys, but it is something that, honestly, I was like, okay, I'm going to be a mom by 30, didn't happen. I'm 31 now and, honestly, it's something that I've really Tyler and I have talked a lot about and I feel really good about now and I feel really blessed that I'm not a mom yet, honestly, and that's also a result of how to become a mom by 30. Of course, that would have been a gift and because I'm not, I've learned how to again just shift my mindset. It didn't serve me to beat myself up about it and so, again, tyler and I have had some really great conversations around parenting and family and stuff like that, and so I've shifted my mindset around it and I'm actually really grateful that I'm not a mom yet.

Speaker 2:

The other one was being on Forbes 30 under 30. I don't know why. I don't know why, but I created this obsession in my brain around I'm going to be on Forbes 30 under 30. Clearly that did not happen. And there's the 40 under 40 and then 50 under 50. So I can be on either of those lists, but I don't know why. I really obsessed over that. So there were some things that I really put pressure on that didn't happen by 30. And instead of when my 30th birthday happened, I had a really great birthday. I went horseback riding, I saw my best friend, I went to Florida. It was really truly a beautiful birthday. But that year, this past year of 30, as I reflect on it, I've really put a lot of pressure on myself to have had a lot of things done, and when those things didn't get done in the year of 30, it was a lot of beating myself up and a lot of shaming myself that I didn't really realize, I think, until more recently. Having said all that, I'm excited for 31.

Speaker 2:

I had a beautiful birthday week. I took the whole week to myself. I didn't coach any clients, I didn't see anybody, I didn't have any meetings. I did do work on my business, but that was a gift that I gave to myself. By closing my calendar, I gave myself the gift of focus. So that was a gift that I gave to myself that I was so happy to do.

Speaker 2:

I went to WeWork on Monday. It's so nice to go and just, I didn't even co-work. I went to a co-working space by myself and, honestly, guys, that was so empowering for me. It was so much fun. I wore a cute outfit. I had so much fun sitting in the different spaces there. I recorded a little video that I'm going to make into a reel. I just had so much fun. So I worked on my business throughout the week and the episode that I wanted to bring to you all today because it was just I've been thinking about my clients all week.

Speaker 2:

I've been meditating on their different needs and who I'm serving right now, who I want to serve as I'm moving forward, who I want to you know, you know I was talking about identity last week so who I want to serve, who I'm shifting myself into while celebrating always who we are right in this moment. Right Because it's never about beating up where we are, but one of the things that I feel like is it's a good refresher, reminder slash. Maybe you've never heard this before. It's a tool that I use with my clients Fear. Fear comes up when we are becoming someone we've never been before. Fear comes up when we're doing something we've never done before. Fear comes up when we are creating something that we've never created. Fear comes up when we're doing something unknown and that unknown could be just going to an event for the very first time.

Speaker 2:

Right, if you're looking to network and you're going to this new meetup group and it's in the downtown of your town, fear is going to crop up. I don't know where I'm going. Where am I going to park? What are the people going to be like? Are they going to be nice? Right, maybe on either end if you're looking to book a discovery call, or if you're the coach that is having a discovery call, either end. If I'm the coach that is having a discovery call, either end if I'm the coach, even at this place where I've been coaching for five, going in six years I think in a month it makes six years Even when I get on a discovery call, there's this nervous slash, excitement that comes up within my body because even though a client will fill out a discovery call form that tells me a little bit about them, their questions, what their concerns are, what it is that they're looking to create in their life, I still don't actually know who I'm going to meet until I get on that call.

Speaker 2:

So my brain, of course, gets a little bit fearful. It's excited. I at this point know that I'm going to be fine, everything's going to be fine. But there is my brain doing the brain thing where it's like what if they don't like me? What if this doesn't work out? What if? What if? What if? What if what if right, because I've never met this person before.

Speaker 2:

So your brain, always trying to protect you, goes to this place of fear, right, and then you flip it on the other side, being somebody that signs up for a discovery call for the first time. I've done this multiple times, whether it's with a coach or with a therapist, or you want to work with a mentor, whatever it is. You're signing up for a program and you have to do, or you not have to, but you're deciding to choosing to do a discovery call, getting to know the coach or the mentor, or if you're about to go on a retreat, the person that's leading the retreat, before you sign up for it, maybe you have some questions, right, you want to ask those questions, but even though you're excited about doing it again, the brain having never met this person, never gotten on this call with this therapist, whatever it is, it's going to be like. What is this person like? Is it going to go well? Am I going to like them? Are they going to like me? All of the things, right.

Speaker 2:

And so fear being something that naturally comes up in our body, in our primitive brain, because our primitive brain loves comfort and wants to protect us, right, it wants to keep us safe. Our brain is always trying to keep us safe. So fear is just a natural part of the process and it's going to come up. So, one of the tools that I love to use and that I'm hoping will serve you again, as always, take what sticks to you, leave the rest. If you're new to this podcast, welcome. If you're not, you know how this rocks. If there's something that doesn't resonate with you, please don't worry about it.

Speaker 2:

But when fear comes, follow the fear all the way through, and what I mean by that is, let's say, that you have a goal of $10,000 in your business in a month. Right, that's just an arbitrary goal, but one that I hear a lot about. Right, I want to make $10,000 in my business in a month, consistently, like, maybe that's your goal. 10k months in my business that's what I want to make and that's something that you truly want in your bones. You're so excited about it. You have already outlined the lifestyle that that aligns with who you are at that level, the expansive, what that means. You're so excited about it. Okay, 10 K months. And maybe your business is you sell soap, you make handmade soap and you sell it on Etsy and you go to farmer's markets and all this stuff Right, and so maybe you've. And you go to farmer's markets and all this stuff, right, and so maybe you've already been going to farmer's markets and you've been meeting the people and it feels really good. You've hit 5k months and it feels great. You've been consistent with it. You feel a lot better because now you have been going to farmer's markets, you feel better about talking about your business. This feels comfortable for you.

Speaker 2:

Now the next thing that you want to do is you want to open up an Etsy shop. That's important to you. That's exciting to you. It's something that you've heard that other creatives do, other soap makers are doing. It allows you to have another stream of income in your business, and so you're excited about it. And so now it's like, okay, it's time for Etsy. And you're like, yeah, I'm going to create an Etsy shop. It's going to be great.

Speaker 2:

And then the fear comes in.

Speaker 2:

The fear comes in and the fear might look like who are you to create an Etsy shop? You don't have time for this. What if it's a total waste of time? That one I hear a lot. What if it's a total waste of time? Right, you might be telling me Nadia, I'm not afraid. What are you talking about? This fear? I'm not afraid of anything. Okay, are you thinking the thought what if it's a waste of time? What if it's a waste of time? Because, again, your brain is always trying to protect you, protect you from what Wasting your time. Your brain is afraid of what Wasting its time, right? And so if you don't actually believe that the effort you're going to put in is going to turn out the result that you actually want, that question might come up what if this is a waste of time? What if it doesn't work out? What if I go to create this Etsy shop and it's a dud and nobody ever buys anything, and I announce it on Instagram and nobody likes that post and I look silly?

Speaker 2:

This is what I mean when I say follow the fear all the way through. Go all the way to. What is the fear saying? I'm afraid that I'm going to post and nobody's going to show up. I'm afraid that I'm going to start this shop and it's going to be a waste of my time and it's going to be a waste of my energy. Go all the way through, right, and if it's a waste of my time and it's a waste of my energy, then I'm going to feel blank. What? You're going to feel embarrassed. You're going to feel silly. You're going to feel annoyed. You're going to feel like, of course, how I always do like a loser, whatever it is for you. But what I don't want to happen for you is that fear crops up right. Your spirit, your soul this is what we were talking about last week because when your soul is that bouncy, excited part of you, that's like I want to climb mountains, whatever your metaphorical mountains are right. But then sometimes our logical brain, often, always, our logical brain wants to again protect us right and gets in the way.

Speaker 2:

Here's how you know that fear is getting in the way. You're walking around feeling resentful. You're walking around feeling as if life is happening to you, things are happening to you. You can't get out from under, you can't breathe, you're too overwhelmed. And it might feel very true. You might look at your calendar and say, look at all these things that are on my calendar, but notice, all of these things are a choice. That's the itchy part.

Speaker 2:

I always warn my clients before I say something to them that I know is going to make their brain a little bit uncomfortable. I'm going to make you itchy right now. Your life is a result of your choices. You can allow the fear. Yes, you might post a post and nobody shows up. Yes, you might be the person that wants to be at the farmer's market and you might want to set up a table. Maybe the first time you go and you set it up, nobody buys anything. Or you only sell one thing right, or you forget something. That's okay. You showed up and you learned something as a result. Follow the fear all the way through and then problem solve.

Speaker 2:

For that fear. Your brain says, okay, well, what if I go on live, on Instagram live, and nobody shows up? That's like my go-to. I have to think of some other examples, you guys, but those are the examples that I'm used to with my clients. They want to show up online consistently. They want to show up in the world, whether it's speaking on stages or going to events, consistently. They want to actually have their website or post the blog and show up again consistently, and what gets in the way is what will people think? What gets in the way is what if I waste my time? Okay, so let's follow that fear all the way through.

Speaker 2:

What if people don't agree? Right, who are those people? That's what I'll ask my clients so often, though. What if people don't agree? What if people don't get it? Okay, first of all, who are those people? That's the fear. Follow the fear all the way through. Who are those people that you are afraid are not going to get it? Is it your mom? Is it your dad? Is it your co-workers? Who are those people? Okay, now the fear is they don't get it. What is it? What do you mean? They don't get it. They don't agree with you, they don't support you. They don't pay for your pottery. They don't show up for your show. They bad mouth you. Okay, let's say they don't pay for your show. Let's say they don't pay for your show. Let's say they don't pay for your pottery. Let's say they do bad mouth you. Then what? Then what Are you going to allow the opinion of somebody else to keep you playing small?

Speaker 2:

And I say that without judgment, because that is an option that you have and nobody can judge you for the choices that you make. I'm not going to. It's your life to live. It's not my life to live. It's your life to live. I'm not going to judge you. If it feels more comfortable for you to live by the rules of other people, if that's an alignment for you and those are also your rules great. If it's also an alignment for you because you're like I have to respect and honor my mother and this is what I need to do, great. That is your option and your choice, right.

Speaker 2:

But don't allow the fear to keep you from showing up. If you are afraid of your mother bad-mouthing you, be honest about that and you're not going to show up online because you're afraid your mom's going to say something about you, instead of being like it's my mom's fault, no, you are choosing not to show up out of respect of your mother. Stand from that place. At least give yourself your power back, right? We're not going to operate out of fear. We're not going to operate out of scarcity, right? Or you can decide. You know what? I am afraid that she's not going to like this, and even though I'm afraid that she's not going to like this, I'm going to do it anyway. Or I'm going to find a way that maybe I can do this that is still respectful for my mom. Or or maybe it's a story that I'm making and maybe my mom actually is way more supportive than I'm thinking that she's going to be, and I've just created the story in my brain based around fear that she isn't going to get it.

Speaker 2:

This is what I mean when I say follow the fear all the way through and then problem solve for it. Right, if the fear is what? If nobody buys what I have to sell? First of all, I would say that that's a crazy lie. If you truly feel like you are, if your goal is to sell pottery, if it is put in your heart and you're like I want to make bowls and mugs, and that is what I want to do and I want to sell them. And your brain says what if nobody buys them? Okay, cool, maybe the first time you go to sell them, nobody might buy them. But if you actually truly believe that you can sell mugs, somebody is going to buy them eventually. Because if you don't sell them the first time, you're going to learn how to sell them the next time. Maybe you go to a different farmer's market, maybe you have signage. Maybe the first time you didn't have signage you're like oh yeah, I should have signage. So you have signage the second time and you learn as you go how to sell. You will then by default sell something. Right? Don't allow that. What if I never sell anything? Don't stop at that thought.

Speaker 2:

What a silly thought, and I say that with love, because I've had those silly thoughts too. What if nobody shows up? What if nobody buys anything? Thoughts too what if nobody shows up? What if nobody buys anything? What if they don't have a breakthrough? As a coach, I've had that thought before. What if this person invests this money in your program, in coaching with you, and they don't see a result? I've had that thought before. And then I realized what a silly thought that is, because there's no way I'm ever going to allow a client to ever coach with me and not get a result ever. That's not. I don't show up that way as a coach. This is why you follow the fear all the way through.

Speaker 2:

I followed that fear all the way through. What if they don't get a result? And I looked at that thought actually, really, I was like what is silly thought? What in the world? Absolutely not, absolutely not. That is not how I show up as a coach. That is not how I coach.

Speaker 2:

My clients get results, whether it's a change of heart, a change of mind, both of those things and, as a result, a change of behavior and a new result in the world, whether that's in the form of a business, in the form of a move, in the form of a healed heart, in the form of a new job, in the form of a higher paycheck, right, we do get results, period, because that's how I operate as a coach. And this, when we follow the fear all the way through, it allows you to check in with where are you standing from? What posture are you standing from right? Again, when I had that fear. What if they don't get results? What posture is that from? That's from scarcity, that's oh my gosh, what if they don't get results?

Speaker 2:

And it's this lack mindset which, again, is coming from a place of protection. My brain wants to protect me from making a fool of myself. My brain wants to protect that person. Right, I get to give myself grace, it's coming from a good place, it's coming from a place of protection. But then I get to check in. That is not a posture that I stand in, that's a posture of scarcity.

Speaker 2:

What if I don't get the results? Absolutely not, absolutely not. What in your life do you need to absolutely not to. What lies in your brain is a time to say absolutely not, absolutely not. Am I not going to allow that in my brain anymore? That thought of what if I never make it? What if it's too late for me? What if I'm broken? That thought has got to go. What if I'm broken? Has got to go. It has got to go.

Speaker 2:

But that's not what this podcast, this episode, is about. This specific episode is about following the fear all the way through. The next time you get excited about something and then that fear gremlin comes in, I want you to look at that fear gremlin in the face and what does it have to say? What is fear trying to say to you? Follow it all the way through and then problem solve for that. And if you need help with that, if you're like, okay, I have this problem, but I'm having a hard time problem solving for this fear, send me an email, hello, at nandikamilcom.

Speaker 2:

You can also use your discovery call for coaching. Right, it's an hour for you and I to sit down and coach. I actually coach you the way that I coach my clients. At the end of it, of course, we're going to talk about what my packages are about, what it looks like to coach with me, but that hour is truly about coaching you, understanding you, your problems, your thoughts and I say problems lightly the issues, the limiting beliefs that are getting in your way. We're going to get to that. That's what we're going to spend that hour doing. We're going to ask you a lot of questions and if what you specifically want to work on is a specific fear, hey, I want to launch this thing, I want to do this thing, but this is the thought that keeps coming in. Great, let's work on that. It's my favorite thing to do my friend. So please give me the gift of coaching you Nandikamilcom to learn more about my coaching. Nandikamilasme to book your free discovery call. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast. If you enjoy it, give me a five-star rating. Share it with a close friend.

Speaker 2:

The outro, after this, is going to tell you all the things. All right, my friends, I will see you next week. My homework for you, my growth work for you. I used to do this when I first first started the podcast because I'm a mindfulness-based coach. I want you to mindfulness is awareness without judgment.

Speaker 2:

I want you to be aware of all of the times you feel frustrated, resentful, cranky. This week, those are the three feelings I want you to pay attention to Frustrated, resentful, cranky this week. I just want you to notice in that moment why you're feeling frustrated, resentful or cranky. Without judging it, just notice. What is it in your life that's triggering you? What is in your life that's getting to you when? What are your thoughts about that triggering moment? Notice that. Okay, as always, if you have questions to me, an email, hello at nandikamilcom. I will see you guys next week. Hey, friend, if you like this podcast, I would love it if you give us a five-star rating, share it with your friends. If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, if this podcast resonates with you and you're ready for some one-on-one support support for you and your journey go ahead to nandikamilcom to learn more, or head over to nandikamilasme to sign up for your free discovery call.