Believe Like A Boss
Learn how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual (energetic) alignment and intentional action. Join each week as Life Coach Nandi (rhymes with Gandhi) teaches you how to create what she calls "a life of thrive" with ease and authenticity. | NandiCamille.com
Believe Like A Boss
Anxious Thoughts & Swatting Flies
Imagine transforming those nagging, anxious thoughts into empowering ones that propel you forward. What if your fears could actually be a compass guiding you towards your best self?
Join me, Nandi Camille, on this episode of "Believe Like a Boss" as we unlock powerful strategies from Marianne Williamson's "A Course in Miracles" to shift from a mindset rooted in fear to one grounded in love. You’ll discover three transformative methods, starting with the idea of "bullying" your fear away through forceful positive affirmations. We’ll break down how our yearning for connection fuels these anxieties and how we can effectively counter them.
Next, we’ll delve into navigating anxiety through curiosity and logical analysis. Drawing on practical metaphors, we'll discuss how to confront anxious thoughts by observing them and gently guiding them away, much like handling an errant fly.
Learn how to build confidence and address your fears by understanding their origins and preparing for real-life challenges. By the end of this episode, you'll be equipped with actionable insights to acknowledge, logically solve, and counteract your negative beliefs—all while practicing self-love and compassion. Embrace where you are on your growth journey and find the methods that resonate with you to live a life of authenticity and ease.
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Hi, friends, and welcome to Believe Like a Boss. I'm your host Life Coach, nandi Camille. Join me as I teach you how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual alignment and authentic action. I'll teach you how to create what I like to call a life of thrive, with ease and authenticity. It's time to play with what's possible. Are you ready? Let's go.
Speaker 2:Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to another episode of Believe Like a Boss. I am your host life coach, Nandi Camille. Welcome back, my friends. This week I'm really excited.
Speaker 2:I'm going to talk about three different ways that we can transmute our anxious thoughts, because I was working with a client and this is where it came up, where it was interesting. The way that we can navigate or transmute thoughts that come up as anxious and here's my running definition of an anxious thought is just a fear thought. Right, when we're experiencing anxiety, we're simply experiencing fear, and the way that I would love to oversimplify this in a really loving way that serves me is that I'm either operating out of fear or I'm operating out of love, and I got that from A Course in Miracles Marianne Williamson's rendition of it and she teaches on A Course in Miracles, and that's what she teaches is that you're either operating out of love or you're operating out of fear, and so that really has served me in my walk of life. When I'm feeling anxious, oh, I'm operating out of fear right now. What would it look like for me to instead shift to love? I feel like that you could end the podcast right there. That'd be a whole word Truly right In all those moments that we're feeling anxious. Pause for a second.
Speaker 2:What is it that I'm afraid of? I'm afraid that they won't like me. I'm afraid that I won't get the raise. I'm afraid that when I do this client call, the client's not going to sign on. I'm afraid that when I start my business, nobody's going to care. I'm afraid that, even though I want to get married and have kids, there's not somebody out there that wants to marry me and have children with me.
Speaker 2:Right, there are all of these thoughts that come up, but truly, when we really look at anxiety, it's truly just fear. And so that's what we're talking about today is how do I, when a fear thought comes up, look at it, transmute it, not let it take my power away? How do I, mindfully aware, without judgment, being aware of it, without judgment, look at these anxious thoughts, look at these fear thoughts and transmute them, or dissolve them, or notice, oh, I'm giving a lot of my power away to this thought, but actually this thought is not true. So that's what we're unpacking today, and so I have three different ways for you to transmute or change an anxious thought. The first way is to bully it away, and this is verbatim what came up in a client session where I don't remember what the specific thought she was having was. But let's say I have two example thoughts.
Speaker 2:One of the example thoughts I have for you is they don't like me, right? Whether this is your boss, this might be somebody that you know at your job, maybe it's a coworker, and you think that they don't like you. Maybe it's somebody that you're networking with and you've met them for the first time and you just have this thought they don't like me, right? So again I'm going to go back to anxiety is just a fear thought. So there's a fear that this person standing across from you, working above you, working next to you, doesn't like you and that makes you uncomfortable.
Speaker 2:Because, again, let's go all the way back we are wired for connection. Go all the way back to caveman days. We are wired for connection. Why? Because we cannot survive without each other, right, from a very primitive standpoint, we cannot survive without each other, and I would also say from a very beautiful standpoint. We cannot survive without each other, and so the human brain is wired for connection. Therefore, it does make sense when we feel some type of way about somebody not liking us, even if our higher self knows like it's not important for them to like us. I don't need them to like me. There's something just intrinsically in us that wants to be liked, but truly it's the want for connection, right? And so if I'm having the fear thought they don't like me, I'm afraid that they don't like me, I'm afraid that my connection is being threatened.
Speaker 2:One of the ways that we might transmute this thought is to bully it away. This is, I think, the most common way that I see anxious thoughts being handled, and I wouldn't say that it's inherently wrong, but that's why I call it the bully, right. So we have the thought that comes up that says they don't like me, and the bully in us, the positive bully, will say is like, don't believe that thought. Of course they like you, of course it's going to be fine, right? That's one way to get rid of an anxious thought is we bully it away. Everything's going to be fine, it's going to be okay, right?
Speaker 2:It's kind of like when you're in the airport and maybe you're running a little bit late and you're afraid that you're not going to make your plane, but you're like I refuse to believe that it's going to be fine, it's going to be fine. I'm going to make it through TSA, everything's going to be fine, it's going to be fine, right. And so I would call that make my flight. Or thinking they don't like me, it's nope, I'm going to make my flight. Of course they like me, right. You're just choosing from somewhat of a still anxious place. You hear that energy in my voice. Of course it's going to work out. Of course they like me, right? There's still a little bit of anxiety in it, but you're just choosing to no longer believe the lower level thought, the other thought, that that doesn't serve you, that you're not going to make your flight or that they don't like you. So that is one way for us to change an anxious thought.
Speaker 2:And, like I said, I feel like that is why affirmations get such a bad reputation, because this is what people think affirmations are. It's just, it's going to be okay, everything's going to be okay and truly I mean that is an affirmation. You are affirming it's going to be okay. You are affirming I'm going to make the flight. You are affirming they like me, right, you are affirming it. But that's where affirmations get a bad reputation, in that you also notice that we're just kind of shoving the thought down, and that's where the metaphor that serves us is the beach ball underwater, right, when you're positively bullying the negative thought under the water. Imagine it's a beach ball that you're shoving under the water but that you move your hands for a second. That beach ball will pop back up in your face.
Speaker 2:So, again, this is a tactic that can be useful, especially in a moment where you're just like I don't have any space to like figure out my tools. I just need to think a different thought. So you can bully an anxious thought away. You can bully a fear thought away by just choosing to slap an affirmation on it. That is an option.
Speaker 2:The second option I want to offer you today, though, that I feel like takes this a little bit further, is a little bit more useful, serves us a little bit more is to decide, and the metaphor I'm using for all three of these let's say you're swatting a fly. To bully it is to swat the fly I'm going to swat. Imagine you have a fly swatter and you're like in your house and the fly is your thought right, it's buzzing around. It's that the anxious thought is the fly buzzing around and you have a fly swatter. The positive bully is like go away, thought, go away. And you can just see yourself like spastically swinging that fly swatter and you're trying to get the thought to go away.
Speaker 2:And what's beautiful about that is you're not letting the, you're not running away from the fly, right, you're not like, ah, this anxious thought is driving me crazy, I'm going to lock myself in the bathroom and the fly can have the house. Right, that is what happens when we allow our anxious thoughts to take over. We're like, oh my gosh, I am going to miss the flight and nobody does like me. Right, you've locked yourself in the bathroom and the fly is flying around the house. The bully is still a place of power, right? You're like, nah, this is my house, I'm going to get you fly. Right, so we're swatting at the fly. That is the metaphor that came up for me when I was putting together this podcast that when we're bullying an anxious thought away, it's still from a place of power, but just notice that kind of anxious energy.
Speaker 2:The other way that you can do this, the way two we have three ways today is to decide. This is what I call kill the fly, so you can swat at the fly or you can kill the fly. To decide is to kill the fly, is to kill the anxious thought, is to kill that part of you that says they don't like me Instead of being like. Well, they like me, right. Swatting at it. To decide is to say it's not their job to like me, I like myself and I'm going to do my best, right. So this is a little bit more grounded, this energy is a little bit more grounded.
Speaker 2:When the anxious thought comes up of, oh what if they don't like me? The grounded part of us, the part that decides I'm going to decide that I'm no longer going to allow this fear thought to live inside me, might transmute the thought and say again, it's not their job to like me, right, it's not. You've stopped trying to get somebody like you just decided it's not their job to like me, I like myself and I'm going to do my best. Swat that fly right, exactly like that. You see the fly, you see the anxious thought. They don't like me. You get your fly, swatter, swat. It is not their job to like me and the fly is dead, right.
Speaker 2:So that's another way that we can change our anxious thoughts deciding what I'm going to think instead and I know that this sounds similar to bullying right, what? What aren't I deciding? I'm going to make the flight and everybody likes me. I'm deciding a new thought. No, you're throwing, you're bullying the thought out. Right, it's not really a decision, it's just like I hope that I make the flight and I hope that they like me instead. Right, this is a decision. It is not their job to like me.
Speaker 2:Let's use the example of the flight. You're running late for the flight. You're like oh my gosh, I'm running late for the flight In this case, right, instead of I hope I make the flight, I hope they make a flight. And that's the bullying. The anxious thought away to decide is whether I make this flight or not, I'm going to be okay, I can't control the line, I can't control TSA, I can't control what they need to look at in my suitcase, because y'all, every single time I get in line, tsa, be like what is this? I'm like it's a teddy bear. I'm not joking, that has happened to me before. It's a teddy bear, right, but to decide, to decide regardless of if I make this flight or not. I'm not going to panic right now. I'm going to decide that I'm okay, right, so that's the second way that we can change our anxious thoughts. Deciding from a place of power, I am okay. That's really all that we're saying, regardless of the circumstance whether it's people that like you or don't like you making the flight of the circumstance, whether it's people that like you or don't like you making the flight meeting the person, it's deciding. I am okay. I am okay, no matter if the person shows up for the date, no matter if this client signs or doesn't, no matter if I make X amount this month or don't, I am okay. I've decided I swat the fly. I killed the fly, right?
Speaker 2:Y'all following with this metaphor, because here's a third way let's say that you've been working on this, right, you went from. I would say bullying is level one. It's like when you first find your affirmations, you've just noticed that you have anxiety. You're like, oh, I have words for this thing. I have anxiety. Okay, cool, when it comes up, it sounds like a lot of craziness and I need it to go away. So I'm just going to say these other affirmations. I would say that's level one and again, there's nothing wrong with that. That's a great place to start. You are still in your power. You're not going to let this fly ruin your day. You're going to chase this fly down right.
Speaker 2:Level two, I would say, is when we start to decide we're're going to be a little bit more focused, we're going to walk a little bit slower, because we have our power, we know we're going to be okay no matter what, and when we're ready we strike, I have decided that I am okay, regardless. We kill that fly right Now. Here's the third way. This is what I would say is level three. This is where we get to get curious and transmute, right. Get curious and open the window to let the fly out, right. And so, instead of swatting the fly, this is us getting curious. How'd the fly get in the house? Where did he come from? Where's it going right now? Oh, he's going for this window. Okay, let me let him out and the fly is gone. There's no drama there. You noticed it, you're observant about it and you let it out, okay.
Speaker 2:Now, how does this metaphor work into mindset and mental health? Right? How do I get curious about my thoughts? I'm going to go back to our example. They don't like me If I'm having the thought. They don't like me and I'm choosing. I decided it's not their job to like me. That was level two. Level three might be.
Speaker 2:I wonder why I think they don't like me. It's not about them, right? Notice, I'm not asking the question why don't they like me? It's not about them. We can't get into their heads, we cannot read their minds. It's coming back to us. I wonder why I think they don't like me.
Speaker 2:Hmm, right, this is where we get to get curious about our anxiety. Why am I feeling fear about people liking me right now? Why am I feeling fear about making this flight? That one's a lot more logical and straightforward. It makes sense that you're feeling anxious about missing a flight, because if you miss that flight, then there's a lot of logistics and signing up for another flight. Or maybe you're going to be late for work the next day right, that makes logical sense, you can solve for that pretty quickly.
Speaker 2:I'm anxious about not making this flight because I got to go, get to work tomorrow right. But in other moments, where maybe it's at a networking event and you're networking, you're like I just don't feel like these people like me. And you notice, I'm feeling anxious. Right now I'm having a fear, as I'm walking into this networking event that people aren't going to like me. I'm having a fear that I'm not going to be eloquent. I'm having a fear that I'm going to look silly and I'm going to trip over my words. All of that is so much good information for you. You're afraid that you're going to trip over your words. Okay, so then for me, as a coach, I listened to that and I say, okay, well, what do you need to do in order to make sure that you're feeling confident that you're not tripping over your words? Is it practicing in the mirror before you go to the networking event? Is it practicing with your partner? Hey, I'm going to this networking event and I want to run these questions by you. I went and I Googled what are some questions I can have for small talk and I just kind of want to run them by you. Is it reading a book? One of my favorite books on conversation and on influence is called Compelling People. It's a wonderful book. I don't have the author's name off the top of my head, but it's a really, really great book For me. That was something that I did when I felt like I needed some more tools in my tool belt when it came to public speaking and networking and being in public places, right? So check in.
Speaker 2:When we get curious about our anxieties, when we get curious about our fears, I'm afraid that I'm never going to sign a client. Cool. Why are we afraid that you're never going to sign a client? Where does that fear come from? Does that fear come from the logical your brain looking at? Well, I've never signed a client before, so I don't really actually know how this is going to happen. Right, that's a logical thought. So then we get to work on. Well, what would make you feel confident that of course, people are going to sign up to work with you, that it's a no-brainer, right?
Speaker 2:When we get to this level what I'm calling level three of being able to transmute our thoughts, we really, truly get to take all of our power back in that our anxious thoughts now become signals. When we feel anxious, when we feel anxiety in our body, it doesn't take us over, it doesn't turn into a downward spiral for the afternoon. It now becomes a signal in my body. Something is off. I'm having a thought that is out of alignment with my best self. What is happening right now? I'm feeling tight in my body as I'm walking into this room full of humans. I wonder what that is. Oh, I'm nervous that I'm going to look stupid. Well, why do I think I'm going to look stupid? Well, I honestly don't really even like the outfit that I put on today. Great Like, let's be honest about those things.
Speaker 2:And when we take the time to get quiet and get honest about those things, we get what I like to call our stepping stones right. That's where everybody's like how, how, how, how, how. How do I become more confident? How do I start the business? How do I walk into a networking event and feel good about myself? How do I ask for the raise? Get quiet.
Speaker 2:All of those anxieties, all of those fears that are coming up are logical fears. You're a logical person, so get quiet and get curious. Why do I feel like I'm not going to make it? What does it mean to make it? Why do I feel like this person doesn't like me? Why do I feel like this is never going to happen for me? Why do I feel fear every single time I talk to this person?
Speaker 2:Get curious, get quiet and notice and allow what comes up. I like to you've heard me say it before give both sides of your brain the microphone right. Give the side of your brain that's excited about what you're doing the microphone. Of course we always do. But then give the side of your brain that's anxious the microphone. What is the anxious part of you have to say Nobody's going to like me.
Speaker 2:And if you're in level one and you have that thought nobody's going to like me, your level one response will be like everybody's going to like me, it's going to be fine and that's okay. That's a good place to start, that you're just going to choose. I'm not their job to like me, I don't care if they like me. I like myself and the people that are meant for me are going to be attracted to me because I'm being my authentic, awesome self and they're going to be attracted to that right. I will authentically connect with those people because I'm showing up as myself. That's what my job is, right. And then level three is like well, you know, even though I'm showing up as myself and I know it's my job to like me, there's still a little part of me that wonders if this person will like me. Why am I putting so much energy into this person liking me? Why do I want this person to like me so much.
Speaker 2:Well, you might find the answers, because they're really successful In my version of success. They've hit every benchmark. They've checked all the boxes that I want to check and it's really impressive to me. And I just get a little bit nervous talking to somebody that's done something like that. Cool, that's totally fine.
Speaker 2:And you might just say that to yourself and notice oh okay, I'm a little bit nervous, but you know what? I'm excited to go talk to this person now. I'm excited to go try this thing on. I'm excited to go network. It's going to be okay. It's okay that I'm nervous. It's okay that I have fears. I'm going to bring them with me. I'm not going to shove them down, I'm not going to tell myself I'm bad for having them. I'm going to bring them with me. I'm going to notice why I'm fearful and I'm going to make a note of it.
Speaker 2:I'm going to solve for that, right, instead of just saying, oh, I don't want to go to the networking event because I get nervous and I just don't like how I feel. I just I don't like how I feel when I go to networking events because there's all this small talk. That is a true example for me, right? That definitely talked me out of it more than once. And then I sat down and I got quiet. Why do I get so anxious about going to networking events? My brain said because I don't like small talk. Okay well, why small talk? Okay well, why don't I like small talk? Well, because it feels like I'm talking about nothing. It feels like a waste of time and it just doesn't feel substantive. And so when I got quiet, it then gave me the answer Great For me, when I do small talk, I don't want to just ask about the weather or your job.
Speaker 2:I do want to ask more pointed questions about who you are and what lights you up. And there are questions that you can ask that still fit into small talk, that allow me to have more engaging conversations than I was having before. And once I solve for that, now networking is a lot more exciting for me. Now I have a handful of questions that I can ask in my back pocket when I go to an event and I'm talking to a stranger, and it doesn't have to be service level. So now it can be more enjoyable.
Speaker 2:What is your anxiety saying to you? What are your fear thoughts saying to you? You're a logical person. So you have logical fears. Right, look at those logical fears and solve for them.
Speaker 2:And again, wherever level you're on level one, swatting the fly. Level two, you kill the fly. Or level three, you let the fly out the window. And again the fly being the anxious thought. Whatever level you're on, love yourself where you are. Love yourself where you are.
Speaker 2:If what's working for you is putting an affirmation on top of it, every time, that scary thought comes up evolving I'll never find love again. Your brain says no, I will, I will, I will. And you slap the I will on it. That's totally fine. Meet yourself where you are, bloom where you're planted. As always, my friends, take what sticks to you, leave the rest, I'll see you're planted. As always, my friends, take what sticks to you, leave the rest, I'll see you next week. Hey friend, if you like this podcast, I would love it. If you give us a five star rating, share it with your friends. If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, if this podcast resonates with you and you're ready for some one-on-one support support for you and your journey, go ahead to nandikamilcom to learn more, or head over to nandikamilasme to sign up for your free discovery call.