Believe Like A Boss
Learn how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual (energetic) alignment and intentional action. Join each week as Life Coach Nandi (rhymes with Gandhi) teaches you how to create what she calls "a life of thrive" with ease and authenticity. | NandiCamille.com
Believe Like A Boss
Discernment & Your Future Self
Ever struggle with discerning what you truly want? I share a personal story about craving a relaxing Saturday morning filled with TV watching, highlighting the importance of giving yourself permission to fulfill desires without judgment. Together, we explore how to evaluate whether indulging in a particular want feels fulfilling or beneficial in the long term. By making aligned choices that resonate with our future selves, we can enhance our well-being and satisfaction. Trusting oneself becomes a cornerstone in this journey, allowing us to make decisions that truly benefit our future selves.
Confidence isn’t just for extroverts; it’s built through action and experience. In our final chapters, we delve into setting prices that feel right for you and not undermining your worth, even if you exceed market standards. We explore how making decisions independently and staying committed to your vision can build resilience and confidence. Practicing self-reliance and strengthening your discernment muscle are key themes, all while valuing others' perspectives. If you find these insights valuable, consider giving us a five-star rating and sharing with friends. For personalized support, visit nandikamil.com to schedule a free discovery call.
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Hi, friends, and welcome to Believe Like a Boss. I'm your host Life Coach, nandi Camille. Join me as I teach you how to smash your goals and expand the possibility of your life through mindset management, spiritual alignment and authentic action. I'll teach you how to create what I like to call a life of thrive, with ease and authenticity. It's time to play with what's possible. Are you ready? Let's go? Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode of Believe Like a Boss. I am your host life coach, nandi Camille. Welcome back, my friends, welcome to another episode.
Speaker 1:I am so excited for fall. September 1st for me is fall all. So y'all, I am in fall spirit. I have decorated my home. My home is officially decorated because so y'all, I am in fall spirit. I have decorated my home. My home is officially decorated because, as y'all are listening to this, it's September 2nd. As I'm recording it, it's September 1st and I've just decorated the house for fall and I am so stinking excited. I think that this is the very first year I've ever decorated this early. This is the very first year that fall is my new favorite season. This is a recent change. Summer has always been my favorite season, but this year I am ready.
Speaker 1:I've already purchased from a local shop this pumpkin spice hot cocoa. It's an adult pumpkin spice hot cocoa because I love hot cocoa but really, truly I've outgrown it, I suppose. And so this one I really enjoyed or was really excited about, because A it's one of these like local spice shops that I got it from, but it has ginger in it and has nutmeg in it, it has cardamom in it and it just has all these beautiful, lovely flavors in it that just make this hot cocoa pumpkin spice just feel a lot more adult. And I love anything nowadays. This is also a new development, I'd say within the past three years. I now really love ginger. I didn't love ginger before, but I think in part it's because of all of the beautiful properties of ginger and how it can help with your digestion and just with your immune system. I love ginger, so I was very excited about that. I purchased that before it was even September and now that it is officially September, my home is decorated for fall and I'm just welcoming this new season.
Speaker 1:I'm ready for the seasons to change. I'm ready for things to cool down a little bit Energetically. I don't feel like things are necessarily cooling down. I actually feel like things for me are revving up in some new ways. I'm making some big changes, but all of that to say, I am just so excited for this new month, so I hope that you've been able to if this is of your practice sit down and now we're in a brand new month.
Speaker 1:Just think about what is important to you. I love to check in every single month at the end of the month what's working, what's not, what's next, what did I really enjoy in August, what did I really not enjoy in August? And, as a result of answering those questions, what's next? I also really love to just kind of bathe in the month before when I remember to, because there's definitely months where, like life just flies by and I forget to take the time to do this. And I noticed the difference that it makes when I take the time to reflect on the month prior and reflect on the month I'd like to have. Therefore, setting an intention, I just have a far better life experience versus reactively going through life. Right, when I don't take the time to reflect, I'm reacting, but that's what's true for me Always take what sticks to you, leave the rest For me when I reflect. It allows me to have a proactive month, and when I am proactive, when I'm being proactive, when I'm showing up in the world in a proactive way, I feel my best, I feel the most aligned. So I'm definitely taking some time to do that this month, as the month is starting, and I would also say take the pressure off. That's why I say it that way. It's not something that needs to be decided on the last day of August or the first day of the new month. If you want to give yourself the first week of the month, do that. If you want to give yourself the first 48 hours, do that right. Give yourself a doable amount of time that gives you some true time to reflect on what worked, what's's not and what's next, and make some decisions that you can have your own back on as we go into September.
Speaker 1:One of the things for me that I wanted to do in the month of August I think that I mentioned was I wanted to interact with my Peloton app every single day in the month of August. Full disclosure. That did not happen. I tried my best and I did not hit that goal, and it made me also recognize that I didn't actually set myself up for success. I'm coming from a place of. I was barely interacting with my Peloton app and then decided, okay, now I'm going to interact with it every day. So it's actually a really good example of all or nothing thinking. I was doing nothing for a really long time and then I said I need to do it all at once and I knew I think a part of me knew that I was setting a pretty ridiculous goal, but the intention wasn't actually to hit it every single day in August, but it was more so to just get myself back into a rhythm of interacting with my app and it worked out really well that way. So I felt accomplished in that I was talking to Tyler about our goals today and he actually mentioned that he wanted to do more yoga with me.
Speaker 1:So going into September, I'm not setting a goal to interact with my app every single day. I actually set a new goal for myself and I joined a bar program. I've been really craving bar lately, like ballet bar boutique type fitness. I used to be a pure bar instructor and I've just missed bar lately. And so Peloton also. I am not just as a sidebar, I'm not an influencer for Peloton, I just really personally have enjoyed having the app and love it. So I joined a bar program that has two to three classes per week for the entire month of September. So that's my goal for this month is to complete that bar program and that feels really doable. So that's one of my intentions for the month, amongst other things.
Speaker 1:So all of this intro to say and offer to you, if you haven't checked in yet, if you haven't set your intention yet for September 2024, or wherever you are, when you're listening to this truly honestly, if it's a Saturday, and you're listening to this truly honestly, if it's a Saturday and you're about to start a new week, set your intentions for the week that's upcoming. Again, all of it. This to say that when I do so, I feel proactive, and when I show up proactively in my life, I feel so much better. I feel more in charge of my life, I feel more aligned, I feel more in flow with my life. I know what to expect because I set the intentions of what to expect versus me feeling like life is happening to me. It's more so. I feel as though I am leading my life and I am. So that's the intro for today. Welcome to September.
Speaker 1:This month, or rather this week we're talking about discerning wants. That's the podcast episode for today Because I caught myself recently just mindfully noticing myself wanting things. I wanted to very simply sit on the couch, watch TV and veg. I just noticed that want come up for me and so, as I was sitting there noticing that want, I watched myself navigate through that want, and I truly I mean that when we are talking about mindfulness. It's awareness without judgment. It's this practice of watching ourselves, of noticing ourselves, of noticing the way we move through the world, of noticing the way we think and therefore the way that we feel right, noticing that relationship between how our thoughts influence the way we feel and how our feelings then influence the action we take and how the actions we take therefore influence the results that we get right. That's how I use mindfulness to help me achieve the goals that I want to achieve and help my clients achieve the goals that they want to achieve. Let's look at your thoughts, your feelings and your actions mindfully, having awareness without judging it, and let's check in is the way that you're showing up in alignment with the future version of you who has the thing that you want yes, no, maybe Right. It's a very simple way to clean it up.
Speaker 1:And so, as I was noticing my want, I truly was sitting there thinking I just want to veg and watch TV and do nothing. And this let me give some context this was a Saturday morning, so I had every right to sit on the couch, veg, watch TV. There was nothing that I needed to do. There's nothing that had to get done. I really, truly do block Saturdays for myself, for me to just breathe and relax. That is a day where there is no expectation for me to do any work, any preparation. I truly just get to enjoy my Saturdays.
Speaker 1:And so I'm sitting there and I'm having this thought and I'm noticing and this is where the whole podcast episode came from it was just this pull and it reminded me that I have choice, right, we have wants that come up and there are times that we say yes to those wants and there are times that we say no to those wants. And I think a really great example of this is with children. I think with us as adults, it can be a little bit trickier to discern what we say yes and no to and what I'm talking about, but when we think in the context of children, children are very good about expressing their wants at all times. I want that candy, I want that toy, I want to go to my friend's house, I want dot dot dot. Right, they're very clear about what they want, and as adults, as parents, as guardians of these children, we don't always say yes to every single want that comes up for them, and I would say that the same is true for us as adults, as disciplined adults, and this is the difference between the disciplined adult and the undisciplined adult, and again, this is my opinion. So take what sticks to you and leave the rest. The disciplined adult, the discerning adult I think that that's an even more aligned way to say it and more beautiful way to say it. The discerning adult doesn't say yes to every single want that arises.
Speaker 1:So then I started watching myself and said okay, well then, how do I then, as an adult, know which wants to say yes to and which wants to say no to? Because I'm the only one in charge of me, and that's what we go through as adults, right? How do I know what to say yes to, what to say no to? And this is where we often will then go poll our entire audience, our friends, our family, asking everybody outside of us for advice, and I would love to offer that. While that can be very helpful if you have loving, trusted humans in your life, first and foremost I always want to offer that you're able to trust yourself, that you're able to discern for yourself which wants to say yes and no to, which activities and people to say yes and no to. And so, as I was thinking about this for myself, I wanted to offer the following to you as you're thinking about how do I discern what to say yes and no to? How do I discern what is an alignment and what's not an alignment for me? How do I know when it's an alignment for me to veg and watch TV and when it's not an alignment for me to veg and watch TV but it's more an alignment for me to do something else? So here's what I want to offer Anytime a want arises, I want us to just remove any judgment from it.
Speaker 1:Again, awareness without judgment. I first noticed I want to veg and watch TV and do nothing, and I just noticed you know what that's not a bad want. I noticed myself wanting to judge it, first and foremost because I am a very hardworking person, so my hardworking brain is like we don't have time for that. And I had to notice that and remove the judgment. It's Saturday. If I would like to sit on the couch and watch TV and eat not the healthiest food, I am, so allowed to do that and that is not bad. It is okay for me to do that. But then the question I asked myself was, once I removed that judgment how does this impact my future self? Does it impact my future self? That question allowed me to check in. Okay, yes, I could watch TV, I can veg, I could sit on the couch for several hours.
Speaker 1:Let's say I do this on the Saturday.
Speaker 1:How does that impact my future self? Does it impact my future self On a Saturday? It doesn't necessarily impact my future self in a negative or positive manner. If I sit on the couch and I veg, then that's, you know, a few hours for me to relax, for me to numb out, for me to not do anything necessarily productive, just because it's the pleasure of doing that. Do I feel like having that pleasure? And if I go to my future self in a few hours, does me having that activity feel fulfilling?
Speaker 1:When I checked in from that place, it really didn't. I was like, actually, when I go to my future self on this particular Saturday, I don't feel refreshed, I don't feel excited, I don't feel more aligned as a result of having relaxed for several hours. That doesn't actually feel in alignment for me. So check in for you when you're having a moment of this, like tug and pull of you know, I want a veg or I want to go on a walk with this friend or I want to go to this activity or I want to apply for this class, check in. How does this decision both sides right? If I do, and if I don't, how does that decision impact my future self? When I looked at my future self watching TV for several hours, I was like, yeah, it doesn't actually impact me. And then, when I saw myself not watching TV for several hours, replace it with different activities, that felt more in alignment for me on that Saturday. It's like actually, I kind of want to think about how I want to decorate for fall or I just kind of want to hang out with Tyler today. That feels more in alignment for me with my future self than having sat and watched TV for several hours today. And let me say, on a different day I'm going to have a different answer On a different day. I'm going to go to my future self and I might ask the question, because October is right around the corner Do I want to sit and watch Hocus Pocus right now? And there's going to be a day or a time where I'm going to be like, yes, my future version of myself is so excited that I sat down and I watched that movie that I love so much and I ate holiday snacks and it was so much, it was just so good, it was so much fun. Right, there will be a day where my answer will be different. But check in for you. How does this impact my future self?
Speaker 1:Here's the second thing that I also use as a tool to help me check in when I'm discerning if this is an alignment for me. Use your shoulds for good. So check in. If you were to ask your brain what should I be doing? Notice what your brain says. I know often here I say don't should on yourself and I mean that. But this is why I say use the shoulds. For when I asked myself that, of course, all the shoulds come up you should be doing the laundry, you should be sweeping the floors, you should be balancing your checkbook. You should be. I don't, I don't actually balance a checkbook, but all the shoulds that come up, right, you should be organizing your fridge, you should be cleaning your bathroom.
Speaker 1:Notice all of the shoulds that come up. It doesn't mean that you then go and take action on the shoulds, but just notice. Maybe there's something in that list that you actually want to do. And that's what happened for me. I was like, oh, I should be taking care of the floors or I should be cleaning the house. I was like, actually, that really does sound good for me. Today, I would like to sweep the floors, I would like to take care of my house. Right From your list of shoulds that naturally arise from your brain, is there anything that feels aligned?
Speaker 1:Is there anything that you would like to do? Again, we're not going to do it from a place of, oh yeah, I should do that thing. Okay, let me march and begrudgingly, go and do the thing. No, we're using the should for good. So what from that list would feel good for you to do? So that's another way for us to check in and see is this in alignment for me? Okay? So here's a different example. Completely.
Speaker 1:I was working with a different client. We're talking about pricing, we're talking about how do I want to price things out, and so often when we're navigating that there's the discernment of do I charge a hundred dollars, do I charge $50? And I'm talking to the person that's coaching one-on-one or the person that's hosting an event, and they want to charge ticket prices or whatever it is that you're wanting to sell. Maybe you sell earrings and you're trying to figure out your price. This is one of the I think, one of the biggest decisions that I made in my business when I was first starting is how much do I want to charge? Right, where do I set my value? Where do I set my price point? And I believe that this is for everybody personally to be able to discern for themselves. Right, if you're a business owner, yes, absolutely, go and do your market research and see what market rate is.
Speaker 1:It would have been ridiculous for me to come in as a life coach. I see myself hand in hand with psychologists. Do we have different backgrounds? Absolutely, are they licensed? And we're not Absolutely Right, and so I am comparing different things. But, generally speaking, the work that we're doing when I think about my one-on-one coaching, is very similar to a therapist that's working one-on-one with their client, and so I use that market to help me build my baseline, which at the time, $100 per hour, was the baseline for therapists.
Speaker 1:I said, okay, I want to go with market rate, but then check in with yourself. Right, what do your shoulds say? Use that tool again here. What do your shoulds say? I should charge $500. I should charge $50 for a ticket. Notice what the shoulds say, compare it to what market rate is. And then I want you to bring it back to yourself.
Speaker 1:What feels good to charge? What feels good for you and I know that that might sound a little woo, but I truly mean that when you are charging for a service, whether it's a service or a product, earrings, it could be coaching, it could be an event that you're hosting, it could be. I had a client once that she built out a cupcake business and pastry business where she was going to ship it to people. When you are doing that work and somebody is paying you in exchange for the thing that you have given them, what feels good to receive? Truly, because what I don't want to happen for you is for you to undermine yourself and say, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, the market rate is this even though I'm going above and beyond in my business and I'm adding all these doodads and I do this and I give all this extra, I'm going to lowball it, I'm going to just go ahead and charge this amount and then you get paid and then you feel some type of way about it because you didn't charge what you actually felt you were worth. And I feel like this is a whole other episode to go into money mindset and charging and worthiness, because I feel like it's such a what is the word? An iceberg. There's so much underneath the surface when it comes to money and when it comes to charging. Quote what we're worth and what that means and how we all navigate that. But for today's purposes, when we're talking about discernment, I want you to use those tools. When it comes to pricing, what is market rate, what feels good for me, and then check in again with that question what? When I ask my brain, what should I charge? Just notice what your brain naturally says.
Speaker 1:Having said all of that, when we are trying new things, when we are building businesses, when we are building new habits, part of it is having your own back regardless, part of gaining a better sense of being able to discern is being willing to give something a try and being willing to be wrong, or being willing for, let's say, you do decide, I'm going to charge $50 an hour for whatever my service is. You charge it, you feel some type of way about it and and you're like, okay, actually this wasn't a good fit. Being willing to know that I can change my mind, right, that is also a part of building a really strong sense of confidence with your ability to discern is being willing to have your own back. And I'm going to go ahead and try this, and it might not work out the way that I want it to. I'm not going to go into it with that mindset. I'm going to go into it with the mindset of it's going to work out. And should it not work out the way I anticipate it working out, I'm willing to change the variables, I'm willing to make a new choice because I'm going to have my own back, because this grand scheme, this goal that was placed on my heart, is possible, right, whether it's becoming healthier or starting a business or eating less Cheetos. Right, this goal is available to me.
Speaker 1:As you practice taking action, you gain confidence right, regardless of what your goal is. If your goal is to meet quote the one knowing that there's lots of people you could be in alignment with, but meet your person, right? If your goal is to meet your person, are you willing to go on these kinds of dates and be on that dating app and try it different ways until you meet the person? If your goal is to make $100,000 by the end of this year, are you willing to try it this way and try it that way until you get the result that you would like to get, that result that's been placed on your heart? As you practice, taking action, I'm going to say it again that's where you gain confidence.
Speaker 1:I think sometimes we believe that confidence is just bestowed upon some people, that it's just the extroverts in the world that have confidence. But what I would offer to you is you gain confidence by practicing, by practicing having your own back, by practicing discerning on your own, without asking for anybody else's advice. For some of you, I would offer that as your growth work for just this week. Don't ask anybody else for advice, just make decisions for yourself on your own. For some of you, you haven't done that in a long time For some of you. You are very practiced in that. Trust yourself, take consistent action. As you do so, your confidence will increase, especially after you get up from a setback and try again. When you do that, you show your brain that you are willing to do the work. You prove that you can do hard things. It's not just a saying I can do hard things.
Speaker 1:No, when you say, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to go out and I'm going to go to this event, something in my gut is saying to go to this. And when I go to my future version of myself, who went to this event, I'm proud of myself for having gone to the event. And maybe you go to the event and you don't meet anybody and actually it's really feels really icky and it's a sleazy event and you thought you were going to network with a lot of people, but it was actually one of those events where everybody was just looking to sell for themselves and nobody made any genuine connections. And I'm speaking from a place of. I've been to that event when I'm trying to build my network and that's what I feel called to do when I go to an event and it's not necessarily what I thought it was going to be where you gain the confidence of saying you know what? I'm going to keep going Because if it's not this event, it'll be a different one, because I am glued in, clicked into the vision that I'm going to gain a network of people that are aligned. I'm going to meet other like-minded people that I can grow in friendship with, grow in relationship with. We can grow our businesses together. Stay clicked into the vision. Whatever your vision is my friend.
Speaker 1:And as you're making choices, as you're discerning, keep going to the future version of you, who already has the thing that you want, who already has the experience that you want, who already has the feeling that you want. Does this decision align with that future version of you? And if you make this decision, just go to yourself in three hours from now, in an hour from now. How will you feel, having made that choice? Is this choice in alignment with your best self? It's a question I ask again and again and again. Is this decision in alignment with my best self?
Speaker 1:And part of being able to answer that question is knowing who your best self is. That goes all the way back to the beginning of this episode, where we get to reflect. It's an opportunity and an offering that I'm going to offer you today to reflect. Who are you when you're at your best? Who do you desire to be? If you don't feel like you're at your best right now? What does that mean? To be at your best, how does that version of you sleep, eat, think, show up in the world, speak to themselves and others.
Speaker 1:Get clear on that, because when you're clear on who you are at your best, even if you don't feel like you've been that person before, get clear on who that future version of you is and then, from that place, it will be so much easier to make decisions. It will be so much easier to discern you know what? Yeah, I could sit down and I could watch TV for three hours right now and it wouldn't harm anybody and it wouldn't be a bad idea. But I checked into my future version of myself and actually I'd like to go for a walk. Actually, I'd like to just doodle in my notebook and said I've been thinking about baking for a really long time. So actually I'm going to go and bake in the kitchen, because when I think about the future version of myself, this is what they're doing instead.
Speaker 1:And as you practice that and practice that, your discernment muscle will say get stronger, and you start to trust yourself more and you start to become more confident and you start to need other people when it comes to their opinions less, because you have your own back. And again, that's not to say that we don't need other people and their opinions, but first and foremost, I need you to trust yourself. I hope that this serves you, my friends. As always, take what sticks to you, leave the rest. I'll see you next week, hey friend. Hey friend, if you like this podcast, I would love it if you give us a five-star rating, share it with your friends. If you're interested in one-on-one coaching, if this podcast resonates with you and you're ready for some one-on-one support support for you and your journey go ahead to nandikamilcom to learn more or head over to nandikamilasme to sign up for your free discovery call.