The 10 Commandments of a Happy & Healthy Marriage!
Jun 04, 2024Season 5Episode 12
Paul Calcote
What if your marriage could not only survive but truly thrive? On this transformative episode of Real People, Real Talk, we uncover the "10 Commandments for a Happy and Healthy Marriage," rooted in timeless biblical wisdom. You'll learn how to put God at the center of your relationship, maintain fidelity, and navigate the sometimes stormy seas of marital life with love, patience, and mutual respect. We'll provide actionable advice on making your spouse a priority, engaging in meaningful activities like Bible studies together, and avoiding the pitfalls that can damage trust and self-esteem.
Discover the profound impact of kindness, compassion, and forgiveness on your marriage, inspired by Ephesians 4:32. We'll share practical tips on keeping the spark alive through regular date nights and how to manage finances as a team, setting both short-term and long-term goals. You'll also learn how to out-love each other daily using the five love languages—words of affirmation, physical touch, giving gifts, quality time, and acts of service. Concluding with a heartfelt prayer, we seek God's blessings for all marriages, aspiring for each one to be a beacon of divine love and commitment. Tune in for insights that could turn your marriage from merely surviving to genuinely thriving.
This month we are doing our annual fundraiser for our podcast ministry to go towards our podcast expenses. If you have found value in the content, then we invite you to support.
What if your marriage could not only survive but truly thrive? On this transformative episode of Real People, Real Talk, we uncover the "10 Commandments for a Happy and Healthy Marriage," rooted in timeless biblical wisdom. You'll learn how to put God at the center of your relationship, maintain fidelity, and navigate the sometimes stormy seas of marital life with love, patience, and mutual respect. We'll provide actionable advice on making your spouse a priority, engaging in meaningful activities like Bible studies together, and avoiding the pitfalls that can damage trust and self-esteem.
Discover the profound impact of kindness, compassion, and forgiveness on your marriage, inspired by Ephesians 4:32. We'll share practical tips on keeping the spark alive through regular date nights and how to manage finances as a team, setting both short-term and long-term goals. You'll also learn how to out-love each other daily using the five love languages—words of affirmation, physical touch, giving gifts, quality time, and acts of service. Concluding with a heartfelt prayer, we seek God's blessings for all marriages, aspiring for each one to be a beacon of divine love and commitment. Tune in for insights that could turn your marriage from merely surviving to genuinely thriving.
This month we are doing our annual fundraiser for our podcast ministry to go towards our podcast expenses. If you have found value in the content, then we invite you to support.
Welcome and thanks for tuning in to Real People, Real Talk. Relevant conversations that take you from surviving to thriving. This is the podcast that goes there. My name is Paul Calco and I'm your host. Now let's talk. Hello, Thriver, and welcome to Real People, Real Talk.
Speaker 2:
The podcast ministry that equips you to thrive in your walk with the Lord, to thrive in your mental health and to thrive in your relationships.
Speaker 1:
Yo babe, have you ever heard of the Ten Commandments that's found in Exodus?
Speaker 2:
Yes.
Speaker 1:
Well, although that is good, that is great. I'm using that as a cool title, as we're going to give the people the 10 commandments, in our opinion, to a happy and healthy marriage.
Speaker 2:
Okay, okay. I think this is going to be some things that we have learned along the way and what we have learned from serving in our marriage ministry at our church and conversations with so many different couples.
Speaker 1:
Exactly, but first things first given on a God who's ahead of my life. We want to start off with scripture. We got a scripture from the Old Testament and the New Testament about marriage.
Speaker 2:
Ecclesiastes 4.12. And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold core is not quickly broken.
Speaker 1:
And this scripture really speaks to the importance of inviting God into our marriage and keeping him at the center. Thus you, your spouse and God makes that strong threefold cord that is not quickly broken.
Speaker 2:
That's good. Now Jesus says in Matthew 19ew 19, 4 through 6 he answered have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh flesh. What, therefore, god has joined together? Let not man separate.
Speaker 1:
Let not man separate. Amen to the word of God is. Our goal is to you know. We're reading this scripture because we want to remind you that God's word is so essential to the life of the believer in every single area and aspect of our lives as believers, whether you're married or not, we need to read God's word, study God's word and ultimately obey God's word.
Speaker 2:
Amen. Now for the 10 commandments of a happy and healthy marriage.
Speaker 1:
Commandment number one thou King James Version, thou shall put God first. We talk about this a lot on this podcast and we want to continue to talk about it because it's such a vital aspect in marriage that's worth repeating. So I'm going to encourage you once more to pray for your spouse. Y'all should be praying for each other. Y'all should be praying with each other. I would encourage you to go to church together so you can worship together, serve together and learn together. We will also encourage you to study God's word together. The very first step to a happy and healthy marriage is to put God first, as I strongly believe that when you put God first in your marriage and you really put him first in all things, everything else will fall into their rightful places and all things.
Speaker 2:
everything else will fall into their rightful places. Amen, I agree. Now Matthew 6, 33 says but seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Speaker 1:
Commandment number two may seem obvious, but it's worth saying. Thou should not commit adultery, and this is actually from the famous 10 commandments found in the Bible. I should not commit adultery, and this is actually from the famous Ten Commandments found in the Bible. Ephesians 4, 27 says neither give place to the devil. I want to admonish you to set up boundaries and guidelines in your personal life and in your marriage. Please be careful of the interactions that you have on social media with the person of the opposite sex. It's important, it's imperative, not to share details of your marriage or to talk badly about your spouse to a person of the opposite sex. Basically, what I'm saying is don't set yourself up for failure, but rather walk in the wisdom, and I came across this article that we want to talk about right now, where it says five reasons not to commit adultery, and we want to share this with you number one.
Speaker 1:
You do incredible damage to your spouse trust and be hard to rebuild after adultery. So avoid it at all costs to protect your spouse's heart number two.
Speaker 2:
You do incredible damage to yourself.
Speaker 1:
We're gonna keep it real here you open up yourself for stds and you do incredible damage to yourself. We're going to keep it real. Here you open up yourself for STDs and you can even damage your reputation.
Speaker 2:
Number three you do incredible damage to your children.
Speaker 1:
You got to set the right example for your kids, and one of the best things that you can do for your children Is to love and honor your spouse.
Speaker 2:
Number four you do damage to the church and your witness.
Speaker 1:
God calls us to represent him and to share the gospel, and in order to do that at the highest level, integrity is key. What's the last one, baby? You sin against God Amen yes, god will forgive you, but there will still be consequences for our actions. Take King David, for example. God forgave him, yet he still was punished, and what he did impacted his kids and even the nation that he's led.
Speaker 2:
Wow, those were big.
Speaker 1:
I know we started out kind of heavy but hey, we got to bring the truth Amen.
Speaker 2:
Amen were big. I know we started out. We started out kind of heavy but hey, we got to bring the truth. Amen, amen.
Speaker 1:
Now to the third of the 10 commandments of marriage. What we got, thou shall prioritize each other life and get it really busy with those that have careers, kids and so many other responsibilities and paying the bills and just so much. And you and your spouse must be intentional in your marriage, and we want to share a few ways where you can, you know, really prioritize one another and invest in your marriage. What do we got?
Speaker 2:
first, bae Do marriage-related Bible studies together?
Speaker 1:
Once a month we try to do a marriage-related Bible study. We do that together on the Bible app and it's just a small but consistent way that we prioritize our marriage as well as our relationship with the Lord at the same time.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah. The second one would be go to a marriage conference or events.
Speaker 1:
Get on Google and see what's going on in places near you. These type of events can enrich your marriage. It can expose you to other healthy couples that you can learn from, and then it can remind you of how important your marriage is.
Speaker 2:
You can also listen to marriage-related content.
Speaker 1:
And this could be a podcast, it could be a sermon, and this is something that y'all could do as a couple, like doing a drive, or you can do it separately, but it's definitely worth it, and we haven't done this yet. But you may want to consider couples therapy or see what your church has to offer as well, but prioritize your marriage.
Speaker 2:
Amen, commitment number four, thou shall communicate well.
Speaker 1:
Like they say, communication is key. So please carve out time in your schedule to talk and to communicate. Open up and communicate your expectations. Your spouse, no matter how beautiful they are, no matter how great they are, they can't read your mind. So be adult, use your words and communicate your wants and your needs.
Speaker 2:
Yes, and related to communicating. We'd encourage you to have a physical or digital calendar, depending on what you prefer, and put in key dates.
Speaker 1:
This has been a lifesaver for us, as we have a busy schedule me working at a church, my wife I'm being a teacher and also coaching volleyball and having tournaments but this helps us to stay organized and we just put in those dates together. This has been a game changer and we would also encourage you to have a weekly meeting yes, the weekly meetings also help, because I think the calendar is um very awesome.
Speaker 2:
It really helps us stay together and know what's coming up, um, and then the weekly meeting kind of just puts it like all out on the table, because sometimes you could put it in there months in advance and be like, oh yeah, we did put that in there, oh yeah, that is coming up this week. I think that helps out as well. The weekly meetings also is where we carve out time for prayer, we carve out time for our Bible study, we carve out time for schedules. Even sometimes, if it's like a really busy week, we will talk about what we're going to do for dinner, especially if we almost are missing each other, based off of the things that are on the calendar. We will talk about those types of things as well, just to make the week easier.
Speaker 1:
And we also started incorporating this, like during those weekly meetings, the ones that are closest to the end of the month or the start of the next month. We'll just review the month that we just passed. Sometimes we'll just say, hey, how did we do with the budget? Did we save? Did we spend wisely? How did we do in our time with the Lord? Also, did we have fun? And just have some reflections before we go into the next month.
Speaker 1:
And this is also the time where y'all can check in with one another. One of the things my wife and I, we try to ask each other this as much as possible. It just simply like how can I lighten your load this week? Because every week is different. Sometimes the husband is busier, sometimes the wife is busier. So it's important just to check in on one another and just say how can I lighten your load? So we can go on and on about this topic. But I'll leave a link to an episode that we did solely on communication in the show notes where you can check that out.
Speaker 1:
But I do have one more thing to say before I move on. I'm in marriage. There are two imperfect human beings that are in the process of becoming one, merging their lives together. So if I'm being honest here and I will, arguments and disagreements will arise. Let me share a few guidelines for you, as this is not the time to name call. This is not the time to yell. It's very possible that you can get your point across in a very loving and respectful way, as the bible admonishes us to speak the truth in love. Now disagreements isn't a time to go below the belt or bring up old stuff that y'all already addressed, but deal with the issues at hand, and this is a moment for you and your spouse to grow together through conflict and disagreements. Commandment number five thou shall not talk badly about your spouse. Let's go to God's word. Thou shall not talk badly about your spouse. Let's go to God's word.
Speaker 2:
From the word. From the Old Testament, proverbs 18, 21 says the tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it will eat its root. From the New Testament, ephesians 4, 29 says do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Speaker 1:
Exactly, and words matter what you say and how you say it matters. You have a choice when you communicate. Either you can speak life over your spouse or you can speak death over them, and you have to use your words wisely. Use your words to build your spouse up, not to tear them down. So please don't talk badly to your spouse or about your spouse. If you talk about your spouse, do so to god while you're praying for them, amen amen commandment number six thou shall not hold grudges. Ooh, we about to talk about forgiveness.
Speaker 1:
Oh no, as it relates to a happy and healthy marriage, forgiveness is crucial. No matter how good, how holy, how amazing your spouse may be, they are human, meaning that from time to time they just may disappoint you. They may just, you know, not meet your expectations, even hurt you from time to time. And when I say hurt you, I want to be clear. I'm not talking about physical abuse, because that's not acceptable, but maybe with their words or their tone or forgetting to do something. For you To be good at marriage, you must be good at forgiving. You must be quick to forgive.
Speaker 2:
Okay, Also learn to take accountability by admitting to your mistakes and shortcomings and taking time to apologize and say I'm sorry, or I apologize or I promise I'm going to do better. By x, y and z exactly just saying I'm sorry won't cut it. Gotta have change actions, change behavior.
Speaker 1:
That's the realist, I'm sorry exactly saying I'm sorry is a great start, but you gotta like you say babe, act right, act better.
Speaker 2:
Ephesians 4 32 says be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, god forgave you so deal with it, forgive and move on.
Speaker 1:
life is too short and life is too precious to spend it mad and bitter, so forgive.
Speaker 2:
Forgive Commandment number seven. Thou shall keep having fun. This is one of our personal favorites.
Speaker 1:
For sure you're right on Life is too short not to enjoy Marriage, and life is meant to be enjoyed, not merely endured. So be intentional and having fun together. Keep going out on dates. I don't care if you've been married for three years or 30 years. Keep going out on dates. Keep being intentional, keep prioritizing one another, keep traveling together, keep going out to eat together.
Speaker 2:
Don't take each other for granted amen, I was just talking to my mom about this word yeah, about date nights and I was eavesdropping. I remember that what date nights look like and how they can look. So go out on date nights, stay in, have date nights, do what you got to do, just to have fun in your marriage.
Speaker 1:
For sure.
Speaker 2:
Now some studies have found that having fun together is the most important factor in the sense of friendship, commitment and the greater influence on overall satisfaction.
Speaker 1:
So put this on your calendar, put this in the budget, because having fun together helps to keep you connected and to keep that spark burning. And we've tried to have a date night each week and it used to be tuesdays, then it moved to wednesdays and, just with different schedules and different workload, we have landed on just having a consistent date night that floats. So at the end of the day hear this it's important to get out of the house, get out of your normal routine and just just have a fun and relaxing time together.
Speaker 2:
So, commandment number eight, thou shall manage your money well.
Speaker 1:
Want to hit this and move on, but because we did an episode about this a while back I was marriage and money and I'm going to leave that link in the show notes so you can check out as well. But here are the basics for now.
Speaker 2:
Do a budget together, you must know what's coming in and what's going out. Proverbs 27 to 23 says be sure you know the condition of your flocks, giving careful attention to your herds.
Speaker 1:
And this speaks to the importance of budgeting and knowing where you stand financially, as God calls all of us to be wise stewards over our finances. So don't spend more than what you make. That's the obvious recipe for debt. I'm saved for a rainy day, because it will rain.
Speaker 2:
Don't make big purchases without talking to each other.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, you need to communicate to one another about the finances and don't be hiding money from one another. Be honest and trustworthy and I say this where I move on as it relates to money in marriage. It's important to continue communicating, set goals together as related to money and then set those expectations what you want to save this year, what you want to give, what you want to spend, how you want to spend it and things like that.
Speaker 2:
Yes, and getting towards something or going towards something always makes it better when you have a goal or you have something that you're looking forward to.
Speaker 1:
It makes it a little bit easier for sure commandment number nine thou shall out love each other this should be the only time that you compete with one another. If you and your spouse both wake up, day in and day out, with this mindset of out loving one another, then it will be happy spouse and happy house. Can I get, amen, amen, aim to go the extra mile into in supporting one another. I'm expressing gratitude to one another, doing random and planned acts of kindness. Um, you should be a safe place for your spouse, a source of love, a source of support. When your spouse get home, they should, you know, be anxious to get in and not just, you know, stay in the car and like, oh lord, I gotta go in and talk to her, I gotta talk to him.
Speaker 2:
It shouldn't be like that and understand that your spouse isn't perfect, neither are you, but commit each day to loving one another anyhow and babe, before you move towards that, if you are feeling those types of ways, I would encourage you to figure out what the source is, what the cause is. Um, maybe therapy is needed. Maybe you need therapy. Maybe y'all need therapy together. Maybe you're not having fun anymore. Maybe you're not putting out. First see what the source of it, because there's always going to be a source from something that starts to stem and grow. Everything always gotta have a seed to be planted. So figure out what that is and if it's a weed, cut it out.
Speaker 1:
If it's grass, let it grow I'm so glad that you brought that up, just to to break that down and just dig a little bit deeper and see what's going on. And I would also encourage you to find ways to love each other. And we want to give you a few ideas, a few ways that you can show love, as noted in the book called the five love languages yeah let's talk about it, bae.
Speaker 2:
Number one words of affirmation. Use your words to love each other. Could be a sweet text, inwritten note or face to face.
Speaker 1:
Yes, shower your spouse with love and affection. Yes, you know they're beautiful and they know that they're beautiful. But tell them that they're beautiful, okay. And the second one is physical touch Keep hugging, keep kissing, keep cuddling, keep holding hands, et cetera.
Speaker 2:
Number three giving gifts. Self-explanatory. Right here, Just give gifts just because Give planned gifts anniversary gifts, birthday gifts, Monday gifts, happy, 359 month gifts gifts birthday gifts, monday gifts, happy 359 month gifts.
Speaker 1:
And then, fourthly, we have quality time as a couple. You need uninterrupted, focused conversation. Put the phone away, turn the tv off and show one another just how important y'all are to each other number five acts of service doing things to lighten their load or take some stuff from their to-do list.
Speaker 1:
Yes, those are the five love languages words of affirmation, physical touch, giving gifts, quality time, acts of service. I would encourage the both of you to take the survey and see which ones that y'all have, communicate that to one another and then love each other in the ways that you like to be loved one another and then love each other in the ways that you like to be loved.
Speaker 2:
Amen, and take it multiple times. I think those love languages can change based off of where you are in your marriage. They could change based off of when you have taken the test. They can change. So I would think take that test every so often to see do you still like words of affirmation or are you moving towards acts of services?
Speaker 1:
I like that. I never thought about that. I need to retake it again ourselves. And before we share the last one, we're going to do a quick recap. Commandment number one was that I should put God first.
Speaker 2:
Number two was thou shall not commit adultery.
Speaker 1:
Number three thou shall prioritize each other.
Speaker 2:
Number four thou shall not commit adultery. Number three thou shall prioritize each other.
Speaker 1:
Number four thou shall communicate well. Number five thou shall not talk badly about your spouse number six.
Speaker 2:
Thou shall not hold grudges number seven.
Speaker 1:
Thou shall keep having fun number eight. Thou shall manage your money well and number nine, thou shall aim to out love one another.
Speaker 2:
And number 10,.
Speaker 1:
Thou shall not forget your vows to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish and obey till death. Do us part. You made this vow before God to death, do us part.
Speaker 2:
You made this vow before God, as well as your family and friend in most cases, so honor that agreement.
Speaker 1:
Don't forget your vows. Well, that would do it for the day. These are the 10 commandments to a happy and healthy marriage from our point of view, and I just want to say I appreciate you so much for tuning in and listening, as always. If you like what you heard today, be sure to share this episode with a few friends right now. Thank you in advance, but before we close out, can you give us a prayer?
Speaker 2:
Yes, sir, lord, thank you so much for this day. We thank you for the marriages that you have put together. We pray that, as we continue to go throughout life, god, that our marriage will be a staple for you. God, that we will point people in your direction. That everything that we do will be a light shining towards you.
Speaker 2:
God, and we just thank you for the opportunity to be married. We pray that we steward our spouse well. We pray that we give them everything that they need as our spouse. We pray that we just continue to get closer to you, get closer to each other. We just thank you for everything that you will do in and through us. And, lord, we just pray for the rest of our listeners, if they are married or not. God, we just pray that you continue to keep them in everything that they are doing, that they will continue to Lead people towards you and then, when they get together with their spouse, that they, that their marriage would also lead people towards you, and we just thank you for who you are and everything you're doing. In jesus name, amen.
Speaker 1:
And lord for every single marriage. I pray that you would take it from surviving to thriving. In Jesus name, now go, be all that God has called you to be.