Strategies to BREAKING BAD HABITS and Building Positive Ones

Have you been struggling to kick an unhealthy habit but nothing seems to work? You're not alone. On this episode of me&my health up, host Anthony Hartcher dives deep into the science and psychology of why we form negative patterns and how to overcome them.

Discover your own coping mechanisms and triggers, and explore alternative ways to fulfill yourself from within. Learn about the power of self-acceptance, authenticity, and mindset shifts that can boost your happiness and inner peace.

With over 20 years of holistic health coaching experience, Anthony provides actionable advice to help you rewire your brain and lifestyle for lasting change.  It's time to break free - are you ready to start living your best life?


About me&my health up & Anthony Hartcher 

me&my health up seeks to enhance and enlighten the well-being of others. Host Anthony Hartcher is the CEO of me&my wellness which provides holistic health solutions using food as medicine, combined with a holistic, balanced, lifestyle approach. Anthony holds three bachelor's degrees in Complementary Medicine; Nutrition and Dietetic Medicine; and Chemical Engineering. 

Podcast Disclaimer
Any information, advice, opinions or statements within it do not constitute medical, health care or other professional advice, and are provided for general information purposes only. All care is taken in the preparation of the information in this Podcast. [Connected Wellness Pty Ltd] operating under the brand of “me&my health up”..click here for more

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Transcript

Anthony Hartcher: 0:06

Welcome back to another insightful and exciting episode of me&my health up. I'm your host, Anthony Hartcher, a clinical nutritionist and lifestyle medicine specialist. The purpose of this podcast is to enhance and enlighten your well-being. And I have the delight and pleasure to be doing that with you today. So let's get into today's episode, which is breaking bad habits. And how this has arisen is I recently put up a advertisement on MetaAds in terms of here is a free guide to break bad habits and it's been hugely downloaded. It's had so many downloads it's got me by surprise. I'm thinking, wow, there's a lot of people out there that have these habits that they don't like, that they want to get rid of, but there's so hardwired within them that they can't break these habits. And so today's episode is about helping you rewire the brain so that you can do the habits, the habits that you want on a continual basis that are serving you well. Now not saying that the bad habits aren't serving you at all because what happens under the hood is that we have more advantages of doing the bad habit than than disadvantages, right? So we've got a stacked up advantages and what happens is over time these advantages become unconscious. And we are just constantly seeking this habit that is bringing us some sort of fulfillment externally, it feels like it's coming and bringing it within but it's really not, it's, it's just giving us the dopamine boost. And so we can find other ways to get this dopamine boost, we have so many other ways to rise our dopamine or raise our dopamine. And I'm going to be sharing you in terms of what's happening within and how you can get that in other means, in other forms because what the reason why you go to these bad habits is to feel better. And there's so many external ways in which we do that, we go to sugar, we go to cakes and ice cream. And these give us a temporary boost to dopamine. Sometimes we go to drugs and drugs give a much higher boost of dopamine, but it's not life-lasting. And there's obviously the crash. And then we tend to go down below the natural level or the normal level that we had of dopamine before and hence, then we get this desire to get back not only to that normal level that we had previous to taking the drug, but we then want to go beyond it to feel much better. And so what happens with drugs is it's constantly, really depleting our dopamine over time in a severe way, that we need more and more of the drug to compensate for that depletion. And so whether it's drugs, whether it's sugar addiction, whether it's sex addiction, or whether it's pornography, or whether it's gambling addiction, or whether it's it could be shopping addiction, all these are external ways that we seek to lift our dopamine to make us feel better. And so for example, around shopping, it is the anticipation of buying something new that toy, it's that little toy feeling or that novel surprise, the kids desire. And we do have a human desire within us for novelty for curiosity, but we can seek that novelty and curiosity in other ways in other forms, such as I do through education. So I'm very curious to understand why why do we behave such why do we have these addictive behaviours? Why are we hardwired in these ways? And so, it is a natural wiring within us to seek meaning and purpose. So ultimately, we are human beings seeking meaning and purpose. And that's how we've evolved, we've got this prefrontal cortex that in that enables us to self-actualise, to seek higher meaning and purpose to become better versions of ourselves, to evolve ourselves. And so we've got this natural desire within us to earn that to want that. And when that's not being fulfilled, we then seek external means to fulfilling that as opposed to finding it within. And so this is really a journey of searching within and really finding what lifts your soul and allowing that soul to express itself. And so you have this burning desire within to allow you to be expressed to the world however you succumb to outside forces and think you should be someone else. You think you should be a Kardashian, you think you should be some other superhero or someone else that you fantasise and think, wouldn't life be so much better if I was them? But in actual fact, if you live the day of their life, you'd probably realise it isn't so great afterwards afterwards, you'd have the paparazzi chasing you endlessly. At whatever move you do, the paparazzi is there and you get no privacy. And so it is not all great being a celebrity because you have this other side that the paparazzi wants to show the world what you're up to, and what you're doing because it attracts your attention. And so we don't obsess about others, or excess about external things, what we want to do is find that within us, find that form within us. So whatever you admire about the Kardashians, find that within you, because you have that admiration, you're just too humble to own it. So if you own that the traits of the great, then it will really level you up with the Kardashians. And you are, you are a brilliant person, you are you have brilliance within you. And you have this unbelievable desire to add value to this human race. And the only way you can do that is to be the greatest expression of you and to really showcase that to the world. So ultimately, where this podcast is going is what we want to see is you being you, and not allowing the outside world running you because whilst you compare yourself with the outside world, compare yourself to others, you will put yourself down or you put yourself above them, and you won't be you. So you either look down on people or you look up to people, when you're not being you. And when you're comparing yourself to others. And we don't feel comfortable, we feel dismembered, we feel just you know, like in parts. And we, in order to feel better about ourselves, we seek external ways of doing that such as I mentioned, drugs and sugar and junk food and porn and gambling and shopping, we seek all these external just to feel a little bit temporarily better about ourselves, but it's not lasting. Again, you'll keep shopping and keep shopping, but it's never fulfilling. It never will be until you accept who you are, and be the best version and be willing to showcase that to the world. So I really want you to think about being yourself, and embracing yourself, and leveling yourself up. And so that you're not putting yourself down to the outside world and thinking you're you're less of your lesser to someone else, because you're not, you are a special human being that has unique superpowers that you're not showcasing. And I really want you to start connecting with those superpowers. So that is one aspect of low dopamine that then drives this external way of seeking this dopamine uptake or as a dopamine increase. And whether that be sugar, whether that be drugs, whether that be shopping, whatever it could be, but you're seeking that externally and it's temporary, what we want is to see like an eternal joy within and be comfortable with who you are, and the unique, special human being that you are. And to then allow that to be expressed to the outside world and then just constantly seeking to be a better version of you, and a greater expression of you. And that's where you'll you'll go to that self-actualisation because what's happening when we have these addictions, when we can't break these bad habits is we're constantly going to our lower brain, our survival brain, and our survival brain seeks pleasure, or it also it wants to run away from pain, it wants to run away from the predator. So we seek to avoid the pain or the predator, and we seek pleasure. And so what's happening is that there's either some pain that you're running away from, and then seeking pleasure in order to compensate for that pain, or the predator, there's someone in your life that you want to avoid and you can't. And the best way to obviously is to self-actualise and get above beyond allowing them to run you. So when we are allowing that person to, you know, to dictate how we behave, then they're running us, they're essentially, they're the master, and we're the puppet and they're dangling the strings and you're responding in a certain way and constantly responding in the same way. And they're just pulling your strings. But ultimately, they're presenting in your life to help you see something that you didn't see before, to love something that you didn't love before. And so you keep running away to avoid it, but you keep running into it. You may get away from one person but then you see that in someone else. And what it ultimately is, is to helping you love something about yourself that you're not loving. It's something that you're shameful for. And so when you keep running into this behaviour that someone does, and you think, oh, that's disgraceful. That's a you know, shameful thing and I can't believe you do that. It's because you have some memory of the past that you're shameful of, where you've done the same thing. And you haven't seen the benefit to doing that act or the benefit of experiencing what you're experiencing, you've got this one side of perspective of what's happened to you. When we balance it, we neutralise the emotion, and that and it gets dissolved, it's no longer running you. And so that outside world, that outside force, that outside behaviour is no longer dictating how you respond within because the way you're responding within is to keep running away from it, or to seek something more pleasurable to take your mind off it temporarily. And this is what this happens, this seesaw of us getting stimulated from dissociated or dissociations to some event or something we've done that we're shameful for, that we haven't owned. The moment we own it and the moment we can see the benefit on how it served us and served someone else that we did it to, then we see the order in what was apparent chaos, and then we see the blessing in what's happened. And then we will no longer run by it because we can see how it serves. And so anything that you're judging in others is something within you that you have deflective awareness of, you're not owning, you see it in others, but you don't see it in yourself. And so one way in which we can really transcend this animal behaviour, and that is seeking these bad habits is that we start owning the traits that we are deflecting onto others and saying that you've got a problem. And why do you keep doing this, it's because it's something within you you haven't loved, you haven't owned, and you're still shameful for. And so what we want to do is be able to see the blessing in what we've done to someone else, or what we've done to ourselves that we once had shame around and see that and see the benefit and how it serves. Because it wouldn't be around today if it wasn't serving people, it wasn't serving a purpose, all these traits and behaviours that still run run around the world today they're there for a reason, they're there for a purpose. Otherwise, they'd go extinct, like anything else that has no purpose, it goes extinct. And so that's one aspect of what's driving you to trigger these, you know, needing some desire to lift you up needing some pleasure to lift you up. It's giving you temporary fulfillment, but it comes from externally, so requires external forces or external means in order to get that within. But you can get that within by living a life that's more purpose and more meaningful, by living out who you are, by being the best expression of who you are. So I challenge you to connect with what's most important to you, and start doing that regularly. And prioritising that regularly. So whatever is most important to you, you'll know what's most important to you, because you don't need motivation around that I need no motivation around doing this podcast because what's important to me is enhancing and enlightening the well-being of others because I didn't have that when I was younger, or I perceived I didn't have it, it was there, I just perceived there was a void. And so I've got this mission to fulfill this void that I felt that I had when I was a kid. And now I'm out actively educating others so that they're empowered, they can make better decisions around their health, I hate the feeling of disempowerment. And hence why I want to empower you. I want to give you the knowledge and education so that you're self-directed. You're the leader of yourself, as opposed to other people telling you what to do. I'm empowering you so that you can run you as opposed to someone else running you. So these bad habits that you have, what they are is coping mechanisms to think to something that you're either trying to avoid, or that you perceive is missing in your life, and you're feeling unfulfilled. And so what you want to start looking at is what is the coping mechanism? Would you be able to tell me straight away what the coping mechanism is, it's typically alcohol, it's typically sugar or sweets or can't stop eating junk food, or it's typically some sort of shopping addiction or gambling addiction. It's one of these things that you just feel that you've got this strong pull towards, right? And it's because what's happening is you know that you don't want to do it anymore, and it's running you and so you get these triggers any of these associations that I mentioned before, that trigger you and you feel inadequate, you feel lesser and you wanting a pick me up and that is in the form of what you have around the bad habit, supposedly a bad habit, right? So what we want to do is understand what those associations are in order to start dissolving those associations. But there's other ways in which you can also get rid of this bad habit is start looking for what is it? What are the advantages that you're getting from doing what you're doing? So there's a habit that you're continually doing, and start understanding what's the unconscious motives towards doing that behaviour. Because you might not be aware, but there's so many advantages to doing it. And you keep doing it because there's more advantages to disadvantages, and that's how we ultimately make decisions. But what you're not realising is that, that so stacked towards giving you more than you feel, you know, that if you don't have it, right? And so what you want to start looking at is why, what are the benefits? That you're getting from doing what you're doing? What are the benefits from drinking alcohol? Okay, I can think of one that may be coming to your mind. And that could be that you feel calmer, you feel more relaxed, in terms of what else does alcohol bring, it can bring a social context to it, it can be social, but some people do drink without the social context. So it just might be calming your mind, it might be numbing the pain, in a sense that it slows down the mind and that monster is not getting bigger in your mind, you actually calm down that monster in your mind. So it might be slowing, it does slows the mind down, okay? So if your mind is accelerating and you feel overwhelmed, then alcohol can bring that temporary slowdown to the mind. But it will accelerate again once the alcohol wears off. And so what we want to start doing is start labeling, not labeling, but writing down all the advantages that you're getting from consuming alcohol, then once we've bring that could be unconscious to your conscious mind, you're now aware of all these advantages you're getting from consuming the alcohol. And so the next step is, how else can you get that benefit? What are other ways in which you can get that benefit? So in relation to calming the mind, there's so many other ways you can calm the mind. So there's all sorts of mindfulness that you could do that can calm the mind. There's activities that you like doing that brings full consciousness to what you're doing because you're totally present. So when I'm podcasting, I'm not thinking about other things, I'm just educating I'm in the zone in terms of sharing what I know with you. And so I'm purely absorbed, and I sometimes need to keep track of how long I've spoken for because I'm thinking, well, do you really want to listen to me for that long? So I, I am constantly tracking the time because I could easily get lost in time. So what is it you do and you get lost in time, were the time just disappears, because you're so present with what you're doing? So think about those things where you're totally engaged, you're totally present. For example, when I'm doing things that are important to me, I'm totally present. I'm not seeking distractions. So when you're doing things that aren't important to you, you're looking for distractions, you're looking for something to give you more stimulus, because you're doing things that aren't important to you. So start connecting with the things that are important to you, that bring you mindfulness that bring you presence, and that will calm your mind because you're transcending that animal brain that is hardwired to run away from something or to seek something. And so it agitates you, it gets you aroused. And so that's where you are when you're feeling the need to seek something that's like alcohol that calms the mind. It's because you're so being so run by the animal mind, it's the animal mind is telling you to get away from that predator to get away from the pain and to seek this pleasure that that you don't want to seek anymore because that pleasurable source is giving you side effects. Okay? So what we want to do is now find ways in which you can get that benefit that doesn't require the alcohol. So we're looking for ways in which you can get more mindful. How can you how else can you calm your mind that doesn't require alcohol. And so you're stacking up all those other ways in which you can do that and to give you that calmness and so one way that calms my mind is by embracing nature is why I often walk down to the beach. I'm quite close to the beach, about a kilometer from the beach. So I'll walk down to the beach, and just being with nature grounds me, it centers me, it calms my mind. So you can engage nature you can walk in a park, and if you're going to walk in the park, I suggest you walk in the park barefoot, because that's even more grounding. Because what's happening when our minds racing we've got too many files open, and we're thinking about too many things. Or it can just be one issue that we're manifesting on our mind. And we're making bigger and bigger, because it's running us until we love it, right? And, and if you're not doing like starting to see the order in what's happened, or the order in having that person the benefits in having that person in your life in terms of how they fulfill your values, and how they support your values, then they will keep running you because you're looking at once looking at only at one side of that person. And when you only look at one side of anyone and if it's the side that you don't like, of course, you're going to run away from it. And of course, it's going to occupy time and space in your mind. Just like if you get occupied with the side that you love about someone and you get infatuated, then you can't get them off your mind, that person that you fell in love with that they were running your mind for a period of your life. And that's all you're thinking about because you're infatuated with one side of them. And so it was constantly running your mind because what your mind was wanting you to do was find the other side. And it was allowing it to circulate in your your mind until you balance and see both sides and see the order and see that everyone has two sides, they have this side that you admire, and this side that you despise, or dislike, everyone has that about one another. Because we're all we're all made up differently. And so you'll be connected with one side of a person and not really like the other side of the person. But it's both sides that make them make them who they are. And we can only love a person if we connect with both sides, if we see how both sides are part of them, and that we respect them for who they are, as opposed to thinking that they should only be a one-sided human being. So what you'll want to do is start finding this other side that you don't like about someone and start looking at how it serves you, and how it serves others if you're concerned about what they're doing to someone else. But if you're concerned about how they treat you, then look at how it serves you. And often it's challenging you it's challenging your values. And that's what makes us in that defensive mode because our values are getting challenged. But what that helps, is help you stronger connect with your values and help you find the answers to what they might be criticising you about or help you see another perspective. So I often get challenged with my ways in which I see health or the ways in which I deliver my message or ways in which I am maybe challenging other people's values. And they give they give me another perspective when they challenge me back. And so I'm always getting challenged when I'm giving public talks. Obviously, when I do any YouTube or any social media, I'll get people that challenge me but it enables me to reflect, it enables me to look, am I getting the information wrought out in a way that's connecting with others? Am I actually saying things as they were researched? Or am I actually articulating the knowledge well? Am I actually getting across the facts? Am I distorting the facts? And so these people will get me to reflect on my work, become more aware of my work. And if I'm not sure and they ask me a challenging question, then it makes me dig deeper into my work. And so everyone will be out there to keep you on your toes to make sure that you're being the best version of yourself by challenging your beliefs. Are you seeing the other side? Do you see both sides of people? Do you see both sides of events? And so I'm challenging you on this podcast. About are you seeing a one-sided world? Or are you addicted or attached to a one-sided world, a fantasy? And so what can also result in low dopamine is that we are addicted to a one-sided person or one-sided world and we think that is reality but in actual fact, it's a fantasy. It's one-sided. We live in a two-sided world that where everything has an opposing side to it. I just recently went to a footy event, right, a football game. I saw the Parramatta Eels lose. And it was incredible because there was people, you know, out there with broken hearts. But then there was fans that saw another way of, another perspective of seeing the loss, right? They'll saying, well, the last time we lost a game to this team, by what you know, by one point, we ended up making the grand finals so they were seeing the benefits of losing that game to the same team by one point because that year when we last did it, we made the grand final. And so they were lifting other people's up because the spirits were down so they were they were coming in and bringing facts to the table, where people could feel better about the loss. And so we're always got this counterbalancing. And you'll, you'll often see it when you're feeling down there's someone that's trying to bring comedy or trying to pick you up and trying to lighten you off. And they'll trying to lift you up when you're feeling down. And so and when we're feeling too above ourselves, or too elated, there'll be people trying to pull us down, and everyone's there to help us be the best version of ourselves, to help us be authentic, to help us be our true self, not a distorted self, where we think we're above other people, or when we put ourselves below other people and think we're lesser. So all these outside forces are trying to help us be you or help help me be me, right? And so what we want to do is understand that everything is there to ultimately to serve one another. And it's only labels that distort how we see things, that we labeled the thing that we think that, ah, that behaviour is shameful, or that behaviour is disgusting. And that often comes from someone telling us that like our parents, what happens is that we then get this distorted view perspective of the label. And then when we do it, we feel shameful, because someone said it was a shameful act. And it's only because we've been told that and then we perceive all this negative about the act, and we feel bad about ourselves and our dopamine and our meaning goes drops, it all falls down. And then we seek to lift that down feeling through external means such as shopping, such as alcohol, such as drugs, such as gambling, all these things to help pick us up. And it's only because we perceived something that we did that someone told us, that was bad. And that was their perspective, however, someone else could tell you the same thing is a great thing to do and is is awesome, right? That perspective hasn't been shared with that person, but that's what I'm sharing with you now is that there's always an upside to a downside and a downside to an upside. And ultimately, it is what it is, and that's the world the way it is. And that's people who they are. And we need to respect them for who they are. And we need to respect ourselves for who we are. And yes, we will make mistakes according to other people but ultimately, it was just an act. It wasn't ultimately, you know, we, we didn't deliberately do that or, you know, sometimes we might sabotage things, but ultimately, we're doing that for a reason, too, right? There's always a reason behind the behaviour or act. So that is now us wanting to find other ways to find ways in which we can get that fulfillment. So we want to list all the other ways in which we can get that fulfillment. So if it's because we're, you know, beating ourselves up, how else can we see that in terms of, we want to see the benefits, okay, so when I, when I put myself down, I'm looking at ways in which I can do that better next time. So I'm self-critiquing in that sense. And that helps lift me up. So this is the way in which I want to articulate this message next time, as opposed to the way I just did it. And so I'm often self-critiquing which could be a way in which I'm self-leveling myself. But ultimately, if you're putting yourself down all the time, then you could be having unrealistic expectations of yourself. And so you're trying to be someone else. And so what you want to do is how can you level up to that person, and that is looking as to what you see in them that you think's missing in you, and something that they've got the you don't have. But in actual fact, you've got that it's just in another form within you. So if you admire someone's hard work ethic towards their business, you might have a higher value on family than business, and hence their hard work ethics towards your family. And you're working so hard, endless 24/7 hours to support the family unit. But you're not acknowledging that hard work within you. You're too humble to admit it, but you see it in others in an in an area that they value more than you. And so then we have this comparison, but it's not an apples-to-apples comparison. So what we want to do is look at the behaviour that we're admiring in others that we think's missing in us and look as to you'll have that same behaviour, but it will be in the form that you value more. So I've got a hard work ethic towards health and understanding health and implementing health knowledge in myself and then I share it with others and help them implement that health knowledge in that and so I'm working hard in that space. But I don't work hard in, I don't like driving, for example. So you won't catch me driving around in the car and spending time in a car because I don't like being in a car constrained and driving and all having all this traffic and all that it doesn't, it drives me nuts, actually. I love the freedom of walking, I love the freedom of catching public transport. I love being driven. And it's because I'm allowed, I can do what I want to do in that moment in time, and some people but love love being behind a car and driving a car. And so that's fulfilling to them because they're driving a bit of machinery that they, they really liked they and they like the and that they can still get freedom through driving a car because they can drive to where they want to drive to. But I've got a different way of seeking freedom. And so what we want to do is anything that we admire in others, and we think we're less of is look at what is it that they do that we admire in them and look within us as to where we've got that. So find moments in your life when you've worked hard towards something that you value most and own it and go yes, I acknowledge that. Or you might acknowledge someone's smartness, intelligence and you're going to have intelligence in the area that you that's important to you. So I have intelligence in health, but I might not necessarily have intelligence in terms of car knowledge, I won't know much about cars. And so I could admire someone's car knowledge and all the facts and figures that they know about, but but where I have that knowledge around facts and figures is in the area of health. And so what you want to do is start leveling up and acknowledging where you have what you admire in others within you, and you won't feel lesser of. And so that's dissolving that element that you might have sought fulfillment in terms of externally, and you might have went to your addictive behaviour to get that fulfillment. But once you dissolve that being hard on self and thinking you're less of, and you've now feel that you have what you see in others within you, then you no longer need that external fulfillment to pick you up. So there's that there's that unrealistic expectations on self in terms of trying to be someone else is an unrealistic expectations on the world and thinking that the world should be this way. And again, that's a fantasy, the world is what it is, right? But when we think that, oh, no, the world should only be this way, then that's our projection onto the world. And so again, we have these unrealistic expectations that the world should be a certain way, where it is what it is, right? What that can do is make us feel that the world's unjust, the world's unfair, it is what it is, it's the way you're perceiving it that makes it unjust or unfair. And so what you might want to look at is, how is it just or when is it just and fair and see the balance, too, because when you focus on one side, it just gets bigger, and you draw more attention to it. And that's what you see more of. But if you start to look for the other side, you'll start to counterbalance, and you'll start to see it as it is, as opposed to wishing it was one side or wishing it should be this way. And so that brings the unrealistic expectations down to reality. Because when we have unrealistic expectations up here, and the reality is here, that gap there that I'm showing you the gap between unrealistic expectations on self, others or the world, and the actuality or the realities down here we're distorting because we're distorting our picture of the world and we see it as unjust and unfair. And the longer that gap resides, the more we feel that what's the point it's it's hopeless, you know, the, my fantasies not coming true. I don't ever see my fantasy coming true because the world's always going to be the way it is. And others are always going to behave as they as they want to be because they're just being themselves. And so as long as you've got a distorted view of the way, the way you wish it would be, the more you're going to feel let down, the more you're going to feel others letting you down, the more you're going to feel that the world's letting you down. But in actual fact, it's just your distorted view of reality. And so the more you can get real about the world, that the more you actually self-actualise. The more you see it as it is, the more grateful you can be for what it is and as it is, the more you can love others for who they are, no matter what they do because you see them for who they are. You're not judging them anymore. You're not thinking, oh, they should only behave this way or they should only do these this way or this way or they should do it my way. Again, that's you looking down on them and projecting what's important to you onto them and you're putting yourself above them, and you're not seeing them for who they are. And again, we, we want to respect one another for who each other is, we have greater respect, we have greater love for one another. And we don't have hostilities, hostilities only exist when we see ourselves better than them, or we put ourselves down to others. And when we put ourselves down to others, we beat ourselves up and thinking we're not enough. And when we look down on others, we're beating them up and saying that they're not enough. And again, that's conflict and hostility, but ultimately, we're all level we're all we're all we're just different. And it depends on what we look at is well, that whether we see the similars, or the differences is, is the way we see them. But if we can see that they've got similars and differences, and say, that's who they are, then we can love them. And then we don't have this distorted view on them and we're not frustrated by them. So where all this is going is if you're authentic to who you are, and see others as they are, then you don't have this comparison, you don't have this judgment, and you're no longer allowing them to run you or you're not let allowing the outside world to run you. You're running your world. And you're just trying to be the best version of you. And so you don't have these external influences thinking you're lesser of, or you're greater or greater than, or you don't have this distorted view of the way the world should be. And you see it as it is. And therefore you can go about just being the best authentic expression of you. And you'll always feel good about being you because you feel integrated, you feel whole. When we think we should be someone else or we think we're not enough, we we dismember ourselves, we don't know who we are, we're lost, we're thinking, one day, this person likes me when I put this on, I bet when I put this side on they don't like me, but this other other person likes me when I put this side on. And so again, we're just trying to be a chameleon. And ultimately, we're here to be the best versions of ourselves. And when we're the best versions of ourselves, we don't need any external fulfillment, we don't need to seek alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, we don't need the byproducts that we don't need. We don't need any of that we just earn to be ourselves and to be accepted for who we are. But the only way we can be accepted for who we are, is if we start being ourselves, and people know who we are. They know who to love. They know all about us. And that's why it's important to put up boundaries of who you're not. So I I'm very clear as to what I will and won't do because I know what's important to me. And I just go by doing what's important to me, I say no to everything else. And I no longer get asked to do the things that aren't important to me because people know that I'm going to say no to it, but I'm defining who I am, and allowing them to see who I am. And it's up to them, whether they like me or not, I can't control that I can never control whether someone likes me or not. But what I can control is how it is expressing myself, right? So I can constantly go about doing what's most important to me and expressing the best version of me, that's what's in my control, I have no control on what people think of me, I have no control of what people think of this podcast. Again, some people will like it, some people won't, it's going to be for someone, and it's not going to be for some other people. But that's I what I'm doing is just presenting information in what I'm reading, researching, and that I think will be beneficial for you. And that's why I always ask for feedback. Is it, you know, beneficial for you? Are you benefiting from these podcasts because I want to give you information that's benefiting you. Obviously, I'll seek information based on how I see health and I see health holistically. And so you're going to get holistic information. Some people don't like holistic information. So in order to conclude this episode, so what we've looked at is what are the unconscious motives to you doing the behaviour? How else can you do? How else can you achieve that benefit without doing the behaviour so with alcohol, it was, the reason why I do alcohol is to calm and numb the mind. And then I gave you other ways in which you can calm and calm and calm and relax the mind which is, you know, going out getting grounded, going out into nature is doing mindfulness practices, also dissolving what makes you or aroused in terms of making sure you're leveling up. Because if you're putting yourself down, that's going to beat yourself up. And if you're, you know, then you're gonna beat yourself up if you're comparing yourself to someone else. Or if you're looking down on someone else, you're going to be beating them up and getting frustrated that they're not doing what you say but they're just being themselves. And so it it's all about you being authentic, and therefore you feel level and respected by other people. So I'm always looking at what I admire in others and finding that within me, so I can level up to that person. And if I ever think that I'm looking down on someone, what I'll do is then look at what they do and own it within me, and then think, okay, I own that behaviour so I don't think they're lesser than me. And I always do this with what society society thinks of lesser people, such as with the homeless, so I own the traits of the homeless and I see, see what they do, I see it within me. And I see that they're the same as me and I don't look down on them anymore. But again, a societal view, we'll be looking down on homeless people, or we'll be looking down on people that do drugs. And so I will look at what people are judging. And if I'm starting to judge that, then I will own that within me. And look at times when I demonstrated that behaviour. It could be spitting in public, I'll own that. And then I'll think, yes, I do that. And I'll keep finding times, which I do, I've done that in my past. And then I'll think, yeah, I can see when I've done that, I own it. And yes, I've spat in public before. But again, it when we're looking down on others, it's just reminding us of something within ourselves that we're shameful for. And if I can see the benefit of spitting in public, obviously, the benefit of spitting in public is that you get out that golly that you didn't want to carry in your mouth, or you didn't want to swallow. That's one of the benefits, but you can keep stacking up the benefits for getting it out. But you might think, oh, Anthony is disgusting, he spits in public. But if you're judging me for that, then I can assure you that you've done it, and you're shameful for it. So again, it's called deflective awareness. So if you can start to have more reflective awareness, and then you see others for who they are, you no longer judging yourself and you see yourself for who you are, you feel integrated, you feel the the other people aren't running you because you're not seeing the differences. And you, you know, you're owning the differences. And then, because the differences you're judging and the things that you're not owning in yourself. And so when we're doing that we level ourselves to a level playing field, and we're not judging others. So that means the outside world is not running us, and therefore we don't need our addiction anymore. And I mentioned, there's other ways in which you can get that fulfillment, if you feel that you're, you know, feel that you're not getting enough dopamine. So, for example, in terms of food is medicine, are you getting enough protein? Because dopamine is derived from protein, from amino acids, right? So we make it we make it, but what we need to make it is Tyrosine. Are you getting enough essential amino acids in your diet? So are you eating enough protein? Again, we can't store protein so the body will prioritise protein so make sure you're getting enough protein. Are you getting enough sunlight? Because we need sunlight to initiate the cascade, to initiate the synthesis. So are you getting enough morning light in your day, enough sunlight in your day, in order to initiate the dopamine production. And so yes, we seek meaning and purpose, and that boosts dopamine. But if we don't have the raw materials through protein in the diet, and we're not seeing sun, then the body can't make it. Okay, so we need to make sure we've got this balance. And then for example, exercise will lift dopamine as well. So when we're doing exercise, we're seeing morning light, we're eating enough protein, and we're being the authentic version of ourselves, and we see others for who they are, and we see the world for who it is, then we feel fulfilled within because we're making enough dopamine, we don't need more, we don't feel less of, we don't feel that there's voids, we we feel complete within, we feel integrated. And so we don't seek external means to give us that fulfillment. So it's only when we're feeling empty within and that's, again, a perception. It's because you're judging something, you're judging others, you're judging the world, you're judging yourself. If you level up, you're no longer doing the judgment and you transcend that and you see it as it is, you see you for who you are and you love you for who you are. And you just stay on purpose to what's most important to you and that's the best expression of your authentic self. So keep doing what you prioritise and that's important to you, delegate everything else or say no to things that aren't a high priority to you, allow other people to do that, that love doing it. And then that synergistic, isn't it? When other people are doing the things that we don't like doing or we don't have a high value on? Isn't that great that they love doing it? That's when we have synergy, right? And that's why there, you know that that's, that's what they bring, that's the gift they bring to the world. But you want to make sure the world's seeing the gift that you bring by being the best authentic version of yourself. And that's you living out by what's most important to you. It's you consuming enough protein, it's you getting first morning or getting regular sunlight throughout the day, because blue light, for example, will deplete dopamine. So if you don't want to keep going to that bad habit, then you want to make sure that you're not depleting dopamine through artificial blue light. So reduce the amount of blue light exposure, and you won't have that dopamine depletion, you also won't have dopamine depletion, if you're not beating yourself up, or you're not beating up others or comparing yourself to others. Or you're beating up the world and thinking it should be a different way, all these things will deplete dopamine. And so you want to start leveling up, start eating a good balanced protein diet, good good amount of protein, you want to see morning sun, you want to exercise, you want to move the body, because when we're moving the body, we feel there's purpose in our life, we move it because we'll move we'll move towards purpose, and we'll move away from things that aren't serving us or, or aren't fulfilling to us. And that's things of low value. And so I'll move away from or delegate, push away things such as driving, or I'll push away IT, I'll push away social media, I delegate those things, they're not important to me. So I'm, I'm allowing the energy to drive me forward to do these podcasts to keep delivering you podcasts every week. And so that's what I want you to do is live by what's most important to you, eat adequate amount of protein, find other ways in which you can get that way, that way in which you seek for your addiction. So whatever that addiction is giving you, find other ways of doing that, find the benefits of the new way of doing it, find the not-so-great things that the other addiction gives you. And then you start rewiring the brain because you're looking at the benefits of the new way in which you're starting to bring to your conscious awareness the benefits of doing it the new way and then you look at the disadvantages of you doing it the old way which wasn't which is what you want to break and so what are the disadvantages of the the old way of getting you that fulfillment and so I've given you so many ways in which you can break this addiction, I really want you to focus on one area. If you need more help in breaking your addiction or breaking the bad habit, please reach out for me please reach out, you can book a consult and I can help you individualise this approach to breaking the bad habit, I would love to serve you. So please connect with me, reach out, give me feedback on this episode as I said I want to be delivering value to you. And until next time, continue to health up.

Podcast Disclaimer: 48:51

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