Red Flags and Real Connections in Online Dating (w/ Nina Jarnum)

Ever wondered how to find love in your 40s using dating apps? We promise that by the end of this episode, you'll be armed with the wisdom and strategies to navigate the online dating world with confidence. Join us on Wealthy AF as we sit down with Nina Jarnum, the brilliant author of "F Kissing Frogs: Guide to Online Dating," who shares her extraordinary journey and practical advice for thriving in the dating scene later in life. Nina unravels the unique dynamics of dating in your 40s compared to your 20s, underscoring the importance of self-awareness, authenticity, and essential social skills to build meaningful connections.

Discover the secrets to conquering the dating world post-divorce, particularly through popular apps like Hinge and Bumble. Nina sheds light on the critical need to understand and optimize dating app algorithms to better align with personal preferences and avoid the fatigue of endless swiping. With her expertise, she provides actionable strategies for those re-entering the dating scene after long-term relationships, including profile-building tips and the significance of balancing masculine and feminine energies in dating dynamics, especially for successful women over 40.

We also dive into essential red flags to watch out for, ensuring safety and compatibility through practical steps like Zoom calls and trusting your instincts. Nina’s anecdotes emphasize caution and awareness, helping you navigate the dating landscape securely. Finally, we explore the transformative power of unwavering support and commitment in relationships, drawing insights from Napoleon Hill's "Think and Grow Rich." Tune in and learn how to foster a healthy, passionate relationship and connect with Nina for further guidance through her book, social media, and coaching services.

CONNECT WITH NINA
https://www.instagram.com/ninajarnum/
https://www.fuckkissingfrogs.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@ninajarnum

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:29

This is Wealthy AF, your ultimate guide to understand what it truly means to be Wealthy AF. And today's guest is Nina Charum. And. Nina was born and raised in Denmark, moved to England in her 20s where she graduated law school when she was originally entered the world of online dating. She quickly realized the important tools for years of mindfulness practice and self-observation were, as she had amazing date after amazing date. Friends started asking for advice, and then friends of friends, and so on. Nina is now the author of the book F Kissing Frogs don't want to be too explicit which is the guide to online dating for women in their 40s. She uses her knowledge and experience as a mindfulness teacher to help people on a conscious journey to healthy dating, and today's topic is dating at 40. Nina, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's my pleasure to have you here, Excited to have this conversation with you.

Speaker 2: 1:25

Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1: 1:29

So, Nina, tell us about this journey, about this book, F Kissing Frogs Guide to Online Dating.

Speaker 2: 1:37

You know what it just? It happened very organically, as you were saying in your intro. When I went on the online dating market, I quickly realized that I was really good at it. I was really good at setting up an online profile and very quickly my friends started having me go over their profiles and then friends of friends and friends of friends of friends and so on. So things that seemed really obvious to me I realized weren't necessarily that obvious for other people and I realized I actually had something to contribute, something that could help other people. So eventually I had more and more people say, hey, why don't you just put it all together in a book? And I did.

Speaker 1: 2:31

That's a great idea. That's a great idea. Tell me, is dating at 40 really different from dating in your 20s and 30s?

Speaker 2: 2:41

It can be. It's an opportunity to be different. I think I think you have an opportunity in your 40s. You've been through a bit more life and hopefully you're more self-aware and you can bring that self-awareness into your dating life. And then there's also, when you're in your 40s, you're kind of on the other side. You're no longer necessarily. You don't necessarily need kids. You might have kids already. You might already have been married. So you're just generally a very different place in your life.

Speaker 2: 3:19

And I think when you're in your 20s, you have the structure that society and culture have told you that you need. It's like you need to meet somebody. You need to I don't know move in with them. Then you get married, then you have children. There's this very structural pathway of dating and relationships and when you're in your 40s, when you come out on the other side of all that, there's really an opportunity to go okay, what do I actually want? What actually works for me? Does living with someone actually work for me? Does monogamy actually work for me? It's just this very honest conversation with yourself to maybe break some of the structures and some of the rules that society put on us. Society have put on us.

Speaker 1: 4:10

So you said that. Well, you didn't say, but in your, in your intro, I said that you had amazing date after amazing date. Can you describe to us what is an amazing?

Speaker 2: 4:23

date look like for Nina? I think an amazing date is when you have a date with someone really interesting and somebody that you'll vibe with. Um I, yeah, I gotta say every single date I was on was with an interesting, good human being. Um, so I think it is like are you interesting? Can you hold a conversation? Uh, are you a decent human being? Can you hold a conversation? Are you a decent human being? That's an interesting date to me.

Speaker 1: 4:56

That's a good date. That's just. That's just. I just want to be around people like that period. I just want to be around people like that. It doesn't have to be a date Like I just want to have friends like that, I just want to hang out with people like that. So let's give some guys maybe some, let's give both women and men a couple of pointers, right? So you know, I have my business partner is a female doctor and single, and she's going through dates online dating world. I've been married 22 years, so I have no idea what it's like to be online and do all of that stuff. Right? I have no clue. I'm clueless.

Speaker 1: 5:35

How does, um, what are the things that you can tell a young man, right? That might be listening into a lady, right? Both, both. I want you to give advice to both. To a young man that might be listening and saying, okay, man, that's great. How do I become that interesting person, that cool person to be around so that Nina can say she had an amazing day with me, right? What are the skills and muscles that that person needs to develop to be that? On the guy side?

Speaker 2: 6:09

Yeah, on the guy side I would say I mean that obviously has to be social skills, general social skills, being able to hold a conversation. I think it's actually really good when you're going on a first date. Go in with the focus more on the intention of I am meeting a new person. If there's chemistry, if there's a connection, that is great. But if you go in and that is your only focus like do I meet this person and do I want to hook up with them, that's not necessarily going to be the greatest vibe. If you go in, it's like I am meeting a new, interesting human being and I'm going to pay attention to that interesting human being and I'm going to pay attention to that.

Speaker 2: 6:56

Don't ask questions. Always ask questions, and that's for both men and women. Be interested in the person in front of you, ask leading questions and let the conversation flow. I know there's generally like all these rules where you say on a first date date like don't talk about previous relationships and blah, blah, blah, and I kind of agree with it, but I don't. I think if the conversation, for example, goes slides in to oh, you were married, uh, how was that kind of thing, I think it's okay to talk about it, but never talk badly about previous partners. That is such a red flag, never. So it's always like be positive, listen, ask questions. Also, prove that you actually listened to what they said before. Prove that you actually read their dating profile. So read their dating profile. So read that dating profile and when you go on that first date, you actually ask something about that profile. Oh, I saw that picture. You went to Egypt. Tell me about that. That is such a turn on for both parties, just like oh, this person is actually interested in me.

Speaker 1: 8:08

Read, ask questions. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, makes a ton of sense. Tell us a story of the worst date you've been on, One of the bad stories. Tell us a horror story, and how should a lady handle it gracefully? So you're on a date you're having. The guy is not the vibe, right, you're not, I'm a real vibe guy. Like I'm a real vibe guy. I know you just mentioned some rules, right, this is a thing. And I'm like you know what? Let's throw rules away. I'm in the moment with this person, whatever, and I'm like, let's just talk. Let's just like here's where it is and this is like bro, I'm too old man. Like I'm too old to play games. Like it's just, this is who I am. Let's just just talk. Like I want to know who you are, I'm the same.

Speaker 2: 8:57

I don't. I don't adhere to a lot of rules. I'm not really a rule follower. You know what Horror date I actually? I have not had a bad first date, but I'm also. I'm really good at picking.

Speaker 1: 9:16

I don't go on a date with someone like I'm very like, I pick good. Let's talk about that. Let's give women some strategies.

Speaker 2: 9:20

Let's give women strategies um, so I gotta say it's number one. Uh, depending on what dating app you're on, understand that you are dealing with an algorithm. I think often you go on this dating app. You're on understand that you are dealing with an algorithm. I think often you go on this dating app and you just presume it's some kind of magic, like Harry Potter hat that you put your name in and then magically, these guys appear. It's like no, it's an algorithm, which is great because it gives you an opportunity to train that algorithm. That algorithm looks at everything you do. So, especially apps like Hinge and Bumble, they're very trainable apps.

Speaker 2: 9:59

So before you even start going online, you need to be really clear what do I want? But, even more important, what do I need? And the needs are actually very few things. You can have a long list of nice to haves, but the needs are a few things. And then you train your algorithms. I can use myself as an example here. My absolute needs were you need to be well-educated and you need to be well-traveled, because otherwise I just know I will be bored with you in two weeks. So those were my two you need to be well-traveled and well-educated.

Speaker 2: 10:39

I went on the app and the first thing I did was I clicked on people only based on those two things. So it didn't matter. It was okay, I wasn't going on a date with them, but I simply wanted to train the app. So it wasn't about how they looked or everything else they did, it didn't matter. I just wanted the algorithm to know.

Speaker 2: 11:01

Those were two things that I wanted and within 10 minutes the app showed me, I would say, 98% well-educated and well-traveled, and then those are the people who see me as well.

Speaker 2: 11:18

So now we're talking, now we already sorted out all those different people that were not going to interest me anyway. And then, once you've done that, you also got to be really aware like, don't get distracted, don't have the squirrel moment. So often we're going through the app and we're like, oh, he's cute, but but if you spend time, if you click on that guy and you spend too much time on a guy that, just because he's cute but he doesn't have any of the things that you are actually looking for, the algorithm looks at that and be like, oh, he likes, she likes those kind of people, and you get more people that you don't actually want and then you're just spending your time sorting through people that you are actually not interested in and you get this dating app fatigue and there are no good guys and no good girls out there, kind of thing, because you train the algorithm to show you stuff that you're not actually interested in.

Speaker 1: 12:14

How does one navigate the dating scene after a long-term relationship or marriage? Are you coming out of a long-term relationship, divorce or something? What advice are you giving to that person? To navigate, to get back in the game, to get back into it? And you know, back into it and you know all of these skills you just shared. You said you were building the profiles for some of your friends. I don't know, do you? Do you charge a fee for that? Now, is that your business model today?

Speaker 2: 12:43

Oh yeah, now I'm sad for it.

Speaker 1: 12:45

Okay, so you know, let's give some people some tips on that. So what would you tell someone that just came off a long relationship and you know they need a dating coach, right, or online dating coach and they're coming to you and they're saying, hey, what do you tell them to start? What's the first thing, either mindset that they need to do, or physically, on the thing you know, the websites. What are those things that you're telling them to do?

Speaker 2: 13:12

So I always say remind yourself that you are throwing a fishing line, you're not throwing a net. I think a lot of people go on the dating apps and their egos take over and they just want as many as possible people to click on their profile, to like and swipe right or whatever dating app you're on as many as possible to like their profile, and the thing is, if that happens, you just end up having to go through all these people that you're not actually interested in. So get specific with what you're looking for. Use all the tools of the app. So again, something like Hint there's so many things you can put in, like your political view, your religious views, your whether you want kids, whether you are open to kids all those things. Use all those tools, because it'll sort out, it'll take away a lot of people that you're not going to be interested in anyway, and always have good pictures of yourself. Do not use filters. Women do this all the time. Do not use filters, men.

Speaker 1: 14:28

It's a turnoff for men.

Speaker 2: 14:30

It's a turnoff because when we meet you in real life, yeah, when I wrote the book I interviewed a lot of guys and they actually said there was like the number one turn off. Was you turn up on the date and you can't actually recognize the person?

Speaker 1: 14:44

yep, it is not cool. It's for realtors. What happens with realtors? We see their business cards and we seem like what? Who is this president?

Speaker 2: 14:52

but it's also, it's like it's, it's it's. You're wasting your own time as well, because the person who's turning up at the date he's interested in filter girl. That's what he's attracted to. You want someone who actually thinks, oh she looks cute, I want to see her. So have good recent photos and like don't put photos of you when you're in your 20s, when you're in your goddamn 40s. Now Come on.

Speaker 2: 15:18

And men, I have a few like with the men. Don't take selfies in your car. Don't take self, don't take pictures of you holding a fish. Nobody's interested. Men are generally horrific at taking pictures. That's funny, it is funny. So have good pictures. Have a full body picture.

Speaker 2: 15:45

Again, a lot of women, they get insecure and they don't post a full body picture. But you know what, if you are unhappy with your body, women, we're so much more critical of ourselves than men really are. So there are men that will be attracted with your body. Women, we're so much more critical of ourselves than men really are. So there are men that will be attracted to your body. But let them know what you look like and give them, because then a guy can look at your full body picture and be like that's not for me. But that's great, because then you're not going to waste your time with him. So you want again you're throwing a line, you're not throwing a net. You want the guys who are not going to waste your time with him. So you want again you're throwing a line, you're not throwing a net. You want the guys who are not going to be into you anyway to not apply.

Speaker 1: 17:46

What are the challenges that people face when dating over 40?

Speaker 2: 17:55

I think I'm going to specifically uh, women. That's two things I'm gonna do. One that's that's specifically for women, and that's obviously that my most of my clientele are women over 40 and they are. They got uh successful careers. Many of them have kids, and I mean they, they are queens, they're boss, lady boss, and so these amazing women and what I find again, again, again, is, uh, they live in a very masculine world where they have to be in charge of everything. They have to be in charge of their kids, their business, that I mean. They are just so on top of everything and they can't switch off that energy when they go on date and it just sets an unsexy dynamic.

Speaker 1: 18:49

It's a turnoff for them.

Speaker 2: 18:50

It's a turnoff. It's like lean into your feminine, because when you lean into your feminine energy, you are allowing him to step into his masculine energy. And the thing is I see again and again I see super successful women that they're dating this guy and they get annoyed because he never just sets the date up and takes me out.

Speaker 1: 19:14

She's doing it all the time.

Speaker 2: 19:16

Because you never allow him to. You ruined that energy from the very start because you felt you had to be in control of everything. So, from very first date, lean back into your feminine energy and allow the man to step in and take charge. It just creates a sexy dynamic. And I have this quote. I use this quote all the time because I think it's so telling.

Speaker 2: 19:45

My partner actually said this to me. I say we've been dating for I don't know six months or something like that, and we're going out on a date and I didn't even bring my bag. I didn't even bring like a little clutch or anything. I was laughing about it. And he said it's like, yeah, because you don't need to, because you're safe, you don't need your life with you. And he said you know what, nina, he's like I'm fully aware that you can pay for yourself, you can take care of yourself, you take care of your business, you take care of your business, you take care of your children, I know. So the fact that you allow me to take care of you, that is very sexy, because that is you actually surrendering to me and trusting me and being vulnerable with me and allowing me to step in and do something for you. And I was like ah, yeah, ladies, take note.

Speaker 1: 20:43

Ladies, take note. She's preaching some giving you some gold here. I'm giving you some gold, gold, gold, this. And that I went out with my wife the other day. We went out to dinner and we were laughing about the same exact thing. I'm like hey, babe, I was joking with her. I was like you pay? She was like I didn't bring my wallet, I don't have my purse with me. I was like you are hilarious, dude, you know that. I would. You know that I was gonna pay. So you're like. She was like why do I need to bring my purse with me? I'm with you, right? This is what she's telling me. I was like you are too funny. Which is she feels safe, she knows she's with me, she doesn't have to worry. Like you know, I got it right. So this is 100% wisdom she's dropping here for you guys.

Speaker 1: 21:35

I want to go into some red flags. What are some red flags to watch out for when dating at the age of 40 or plus or just in general, right for women? So I know one strategy that my partner tells me she's like I do Zoom dates and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I don't know, you're the expert, but she does Zoom dates to see if she feels safe or she vibes with the person. And then my other friend, joe. These are both boss chicks, right? Both One's my partner. We're buying real estate, buying apartment buildings. The other one's a CEO at a YMCA and you know she's like she does another strategy. She does like video calls or something like that first and it's like what are some of the red flags to look out for when you're in the online world doing the apps and things?

Speaker 2: 22:25

I think it's a huge red flag when they, if they are bitter about their previous marriage, previous bitter on their ex-wife- how would you identify that, though beforehand?

Speaker 2: 22:43

But that's again. It's like I don't think. I think red flags red flags generally don't really show themselves until you're sitting in front of the person. So because this is a thing, I mean, you can look at a dating app and be like, oh, I don't want to go on a date with him, he looks creepier and stuff like that. And I actually say trust your instinct completely, but also be aware it's like someone smooth and charming can have a lot of red flags, but you won't know until you meet them. And I totally understand the concept of like doing a video call before just to check. It's like I it's are you who you say you are? And I think that that's one way of doing it. I didn't do that when I was dating, but I'm also really good at stalking people.

Speaker 1: 23:32

You're a woman. Women are good at that period. They're detectives.

Speaker 2: 23:37

I know whether you have a criminal record and everything else. Uh, before I go on a date with you and I I even went so far as to be like there was one person I couldn't find him online and I just went saying I was very honest about saying, hey, I need your last name because I can't find you online and for you I need to check that you're not a serial killer and and there were, any good man will understand that if you're offended by that you got something to hide, that you should run anyway.

Speaker 2: 24:05

Um. So I'm always like, oh no, I will google this shit out of you before I see you which is wise.

Speaker 2: 24:12

I think it's, it's wisdom for a woman, especially for a woman, and all you guys are praying for me stop stop apologizing, be about it, stop being like, uh, feeling like you're, you're a creepy stalker, you're not, you're just protecting yourself. So, um, but no, I think it's like, until you're actually sitting in front of the people, in front of the person, you're not really gonna get those uh little red flag. So what I recommend is, when you meet the person, listen to what he says. Most people give themselves away. They really do, and again, for me it's like major red flag. Somebody who starts has a lot of negativity towards this ex and I mean it's okay to be like, be like, okay, she was a bit crazy, kind of thing. But when there's actual bitterness, and bitterness towards the mother of your children, that's always like red flag, especially on a first date. I mean, if you can't hold your shit together, uh, that's worrying, uh, any kind of um, controlling jealousy behavior, run, run, run. So and I mean I got.

Speaker 2: 25:27

It's funny, I actually have some funny red flags when, again, it's like I interviewed a lot of men when I wrote the book, because I wanted to like get the man's perspective on dates and I told them, I asked them to like get the man's perspective on on dates and that. And I told them, and I asked them to like give give me your like crazy first dates. And uh, a lot of men had like been on the first date, was like if women wanted to know how much they earn, like on the first date.

Speaker 1: 25:53

That's a turnoff. Dude, I'm running, I'm like, I'm like picking up my shit and saying like hey, nice to meet you, I, I've got the bill and it's good to meet you. I'm out like you're showing you. You're showing your ass right up front, you're showing who you are it is like I I couldn't believe that there's actually.

Speaker 2: 26:11

there are actually women out there who think that's a remotely appropriate thing to ask on a first date. I mean number one it's pretty easy to get a feeling on whether somebody can take care of himself and if it's financially viable in any way or not. You can conclude that without asking any questions and also none of your business how much he earns. How dare you I mean really how dare you?

Speaker 1: 26:41

That's disrespectful, very distasteful, very distasteful, unclassy, it's just.

Speaker 2: 26:46

To the max. I couldn't believe. And also, by the way, this guy was like super successful restaurant owner and all that and he was like I could not believe he actually had the nerve to ask that. Uh, another like red flag. Um, I've had men who've been on first date with women who just like had like a whole, like literally bought a list of course, like dude, a list of the women bought a list of questions.

Speaker 1: 27:17

Oh my.

Speaker 2: 27:18

God, yes, it's like again. Just get the vibe with somebody.

Speaker 1: 27:23

I'm wondering what did that guy tell you when he told you about that experience? Because this is good for women. Because, see, I'm an achiever and I'm in rooms of high achievers all the time my business partners she's a high achiever, right. I have a lot of female friends, high achievers, birds of my business partners, it's you know, she's a high achiever, right, I have a lot of female friends, high achievers. Like birds of the same feathers flock together and I want you to talk to those women, right, because I know this, I know that woman that you're talking about, I know her, I know them. Like they can go with a list of questions and checklists and you got to beat this and this and that.

Speaker 1: 28:00

What did that guy tell you? That he felt when he experienced that? And this is a successful dude, right, a dude that's an entrepreneur, business owner, right? Let's, yeah, let's talk about that, because I want the women listening to us. That are those ladies, ladies. Pay attention how this landed on this guy, right, which is the guy that you want, by the way, because I know you, lady, I know that, I know that lady, I know that I want you know, one of my friends is like they need to.

Speaker 1: 28:27

One of her values is freedom, right, freedom and money. They need to be affluent because she makes money. No shit, right. But I'm like, hey, listen, dude, I get it. But love and money like when I am most connected and the most deeply connected with my wife it has nothing. We're just talking about life and we're talking about us, and they had money or money or assets. It's not even in the energy of the existence. It's like just us, super connected, and I'm like you got to learn to understand that when you're in that connection, that's more important than the money. Now, if they have, your values are important. But, dude, if, like what? If you find a guy that you're super connected with and he makes 80,000 a year but you love and you feel connected and you're like this guy is, you're going to say no to that, like you're going to turn away from love because of that, because you have this list of things.

Speaker 2: 29:22

But also it's like that. I can tell you that guy felt like he was at a job interview. Yeah, and it wasn't about chemistry, it wasn't whether, like it was like she wasn't really interested in getting to know him, for him, for his soul and and and his spirit, and and yes, indeed, that he was a very successful guy and yeah, yeah, exactly. And this is the thing you, when you go on a first date, you already know what the guy does for a living, you already know by what restaurant he takes you to and how he dresses and and all. You know whether he has got his stuff together or not. Um, I totally understand.

Speaker 2: 30:02

When you're a successful woman, you want to date someone who's also successful and got their stuff together. But that's a wide range. You can be a super successful doctor or you can be a billionaire entrepreneur. That's a huge difference between those two, but they still got their stuff together, they're still successful. So once you're dating in that era, I mean you have to get to know the person, you have to find that chemistry and if you go in like it's a job interview, you are not finding out who they are on a soul level and I actually think especially super successful men. They are missing that because I think they often feel a little bit like they're being treated like a commodity and they want true connection.

Speaker 2: 30:57

They want intimacy, every human being wants connection Every human being does and it's all about the connection and I think that's also something about the woman's self-worth actually it's. I would go in on a date and being like, okay, you're super successful. I have hundreds of successful guys. Every guy I date is successful, so that's not even important to me because that's a given. That's a given. I want to know who you are. I want to do, we connect and that's the only thing I actually care about and that just sets a very different vibe.

Speaker 1: 31:36

I have a question for you. It's actually more of a theory. So I was having a conversation, I'm going to say four or five or five years ago, one of my female friends and she had told me that she met this guy. He was an artist and she felt this really deep connection with him. Um, they were hanging out, but he was an artist and he was broke right and we got into the conversation and I was like you know, if I was single and I was sharing this with my wife too? Basically, we were having dinner, my wife, her and I.

Speaker 1: 32:00

We were having dinner and I was like, you know, if I was single and I was sharing this with my wife too, basically, we were having dinner, my wife, her and I. We were having dinner, and I was like you know what, if I was single, you know what I would do? If I was on an online dating thing? I would probably, the first day to test a woman, I would probably say let's meet at a park and let's have a picnic and let me make sandwiches for us. See the response of that woman, because that's the type of woman I want to hang out with, right, I want to, I want to, I want to hang out with a woman that's going to be down with me for whatever.

Speaker 2: 32:29

Like, like I think that would be super, but also it's like that's still a romantic date if I'm good, she's with me.

Speaker 1: 32:35

If I'm broke, I'm not looking for the girl that's gonna be like no, I need to go to the steakhouse. And that's a red flag for me. Like no, you just want my money and I'm going to show up. You know what I mean. Like no, I'm not interested in that.

Speaker 2: 32:45

But I think that is. I mean, that is actually a beautiful way of doing it, because a picnic is still like romantic and intimate and you go to effort, you're taking charge and like making sandwiches, I don't know, bring a little bottle of champagne or whatever the hell you're into, and it's like I mean that is actually a super cute date, so I love that. I think that's wonderful, yeah.

Speaker 1: 33:09

So so my friend was like no, no, no, no, it's gotta be. She was like I'm not going on. That's the problem right there. Like that's a red flag for a guy right there, like you're looking for that guy that's, you know, on your level or above, or making more money than you, I'm that guy. I'm telling you, like this is a turnoff for us, like this is a turnoff.

Speaker 2: 33:37

It's like, yeah, I don't know I had again. My partner is an entrepreneur. No-transcript let me tell you that doesn't yeah, it doesn't bother me, and I got his back and if and I mean I mean he's doing super well, but let's say he wasn't, I'm just like, fine, I'm not scared of living in a two bedroom apartment and eating oatmeal. I mean seriously, I'm not.

Speaker 1: 34:30

That's good. That's a mark of a good woman.

Speaker 2: 34:33

Yeah, when I'm with you, I am with you and I got your back.

Speaker 1: 34:36

Yeah, and that's super valuable. Ladies, listen, there's a book I don't know if you've read it, I'm actually listening to it again Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. We're going to wrap it up because we're a few minutes over. I know you got to go Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. One of the chapters that he talks about is about women. There's a chapter in there, I think, chapter 11. Ladies, if you haven't read the book, you got got to read the book Thinking Grow Rich.

Speaker 1: 35:01

And just listen to chapter 11 on the power that you women have on a man, a successful man, and how much power you wield A man. Having a woman at home that does that. That's like, hey, baby, I believe in you, you can do it, I know you can, and whether it works out, I'm here with you. Oh my gosh, that man, the things that that man will do for you, the things that that man for you. There's a power, there's a secret in that, ladies, and you lost your way. A lot of women have lost their way with the internet and all the bullshit that's being pitched to them and all these lies that you got to be, all this mask. This is a lie. It doesn't work in a relationship. It does not work If you're that lady that's like, hey, I'm connected with you, we're intimately connected and I believe in you and whatever we are in life, we're together and we're going to rock out together. Oh man, that dude will give the world for you. Here's the thing Most successful men know when they have that woman at home, that that woman is driving them and that that woman is getting things from them.

Speaker 1: 36:10

They know this, most of us know this right, but we trust. We trust that woman, the things that men would do for the right woman since the beginning of time. It's a great chapter. I was hearing it again. I was like holy shit, this is so deep. I haven't heard the book in a long time and I was like man, this chapter. Women these days need to hear this. They need to hear this because this is super powerful. You guys have a power that you guys, women, don't know how to exercise.

Speaker 2: 36:41

A lot of women don't know how to exercise in today's day and age. I think it's also, I mean like, decide what commitment looks like for you. I mean, I did this with me and my partner. We did. It's like we actually had a conversation. What is commitment to you? And I think we take this, it's just this word, and we just kind of like it's just, I'm committed. We're not putting actual thought behind that. I mean being committed to me.

Speaker 2: 37:03

It's like, no, you show up for each other. No, you're actually partaking in the relationship. You're actively partaking and being intimate. You're actively, you look good for each other. You do all like you do things for each other. I mean that's commitment to me. I mean and I think it can be so healthy to actually verbalize this and I mean mean that's very healthy If you set a dynamic where it's like you're my king and you're my queen, and that's how you show up. You show up for each other to that level actively. You don't go into this routine of just we're coexisting. It's like, no, we are actively showing up as each other's king and queen. That's a dynamic. That then your relationship is going to stay. It's going to stay fun, it's going to stay sexy. You're going to keep that energy going, and I think that's super important.

Speaker 1: 37:56

Nina, thank you so much. One last question, I promise, and then we're out of here. This was amazing. A lot of great gems. Ladies, gentlemen, please listen to this, share this episode, because there's a lot of really good stuff here, nina, and the book. Get the book, guys. Yep F Kissing Frogs, Make sure you get that book. We're going to talk about that in a minute, but I have one last question. What's one thing, piece of advice that you didn't share yet? One ED strategy that you didn't share that we should have shared? That would bring a tremendous amount of value to men or women dating over 40? Really quick, because I know you have a meeting in a few minutes.

Speaker 2: 38:33

I think, be aware of your dating age. When you come out on the dating market after a long pause. Come out on the dating market after a long pause, your dating age tends to be the last time you dated. So you can have done all this therapy and involvement growing up in the meantime. But because you haven't been in that energetic dynamic since I don't know, you were in your 20s, just take note that you probably your instinctual reactions are going to be that of a 20-something year old and give yourself the time to evolve and catch up to yourself. So just have enough self-observation to notice that that's what's happening and allow yourself to evolve.

Speaker 1: 39:14

Great advice. If people wanted to connect with you, nina, how do they find you? Where do they find you on social? How do they get your book? How do they connect with you? Find you. Where do they find you on social? How do they get your book? How do they connect with you, my dear? How do they get coaching from you?

Speaker 2: 39:26

Nina Janum, that's J-A-R-N-U-M. If you Google that, I will come up. I am on Instagram under Nina Janum and if you go into Amazon and you can either put in Nina Janum or F Kissing Frogs and my book will come up, and yeah, ninajanumcom. And you can find more about my coaching.

Speaker 1: 39:50

Perfect. Thank you so much, dear, for coming on. Guys, all of her information will be in the show notes. Make sure you go check her out, Follow her on Instagram, follow her, Get her book and all of this info will be on the show notes, nina. Thank you so much, my dear. It was my pleasure having you here. Great conversation.