Healing Relationships with Food with Laura Folkes

Today, Magic speaks with certified holistic health coach Laura Foulkes, who has been transforming people's relationships with food for over six years. Laura discusses how emotional triggers and life experiences often drive unhealthy eating patterns, and emphasizes the importance of understanding these triggers to foster a healthier relationship with food. The episode delves into how food can act as a subconscious protective mechanism, the interconnectedness of physical, emotional, and spiritual health, and offers practical strategies for creating personal and emotional wealth.

Laura also shares her personal weight loss journey and provides insights on how to avoid social isolation while maintaining healthy eating boundaries.  When you're noticing that you've eaten outside of your goal, think of what kind of triggers may have contributed. Laura has an acronym to help you determine what may be triggering your food problems, that have nothing to do with willpower:
Are you:
Tired?
Anxious?
Isolated?
Lonely?

Learn more about Laura's system and access her masterclass, blog, and curiosity call scheduler on her website:  https://laurabfolkes.com/

Transcript

Laura Folkes: 0:01

by really focusing on how people are protecting themselves with food, it can really free up space in other areas. because a lot of times when we're feeling unfulfilled or unsatisfied in different areas of our lives, People will turn to food to fill the void. And so what's interesting in the work that I do is a lot of times, even though we're talking about our relationship with food, it's usually a relationship with so many other things in life and how we are viewing life or how we're reacting to, different circumstances and situations.

Magic Barclay: 1:15

Welcome back to A Magical Life. I'm your host, Magic Barclay, and today Laura Foulkes joins us. For over six years, Laura has been transforming people's relationships with food. Her own journey towards experiencing a truce with her food and 60 pound weight loss led her to become a certified holistic health coach. Ensuring that her clients don't feel deprived, so the journey is sustainable. Laura has supported close to 100 clients who know what they should be eating, but have a hard time sticking to it, by helping them identify the familiar patterns, keeping them stuck. Together, They get to the bottom of why they self sabotage and fall off track so they can eat for nourishment instead of other reasons. She lives in Chicago with her Aussie husband and her black cat, Katie. Welcome Laura. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. I'm excited to have you here. I know through my own weight loss journey, you know, I used to use fat as an armor and food as my, my best friend, my comforter, my medicine. And I think there's so many people that do that, I guess, without even knowing. Do you find it's quite a subconscious behavior?

Laura Folkes: 2:41

Yes, and it seems a little odd maybe for people to think that it is unconscious because a lot of times my clients will talk about how they're very self aware of what they're doing and what they're eating, but really, they're self critical of their patterns and behaviors. And so. When we're thinking about food as a form of protection or comfort or that armor, sometimes people will have an idea, especially if they've been through some level of trauma or some sort of trauma in their life, then they may know that it has it's serving as a form of armor. But when we can really break down and identify How is that armor serving them? And how is it not? And also, how are they still reacting to the past today? And how are they protecting themselves with food? It brings a whole nother layer and lens to it. because a lot of times it is unconscious. And so. Bringing some clarity and awareness to what's actually happening can be really freeing and, can also remove some guilt or shame that comes along with our eating or the, our relationship with food.

Magic Barclay: 3:48

And let's explore that further. So I ask all of my guests. The same three questions and everyone gives me such amazing answers. Really excited for your take on this. So the first question is, what can your expertise do to accelerate health, not just the physical, but also emotional and spiritual health? We know that with relationships with food and with our weight, that can kind of be a skewed area.

Laura Folkes: 4:18

For sure. And what's interesting is I find that it's all interconnected, right? With like, when you're talking about the physical, the emotional, the spiritual, a lot of that is really connected. And so by really focusing on how people are protecting themselves with food, it can really free up space in other areas. because a lot of times when we're feeling unfulfilled or unsatisfied in different areas of our lives, it People will turn to food to fill the void. And so what's interesting in the work that I do is a lot of times, even though we're talking about our relationship with food, it's usually a relationship with so many other things in life and how we are viewing life or how we're reacting to, different circumstances and situations. And so, once we know how people are protecting themselves with food and, in general, it can really be any bad habit, and I use that bad as in quotes, anytime we have a bad habit, whether that's not taking care of ourselves as well as we'd like to by not going to the gym consistently, or drinking more than we want, or binging, or, you know, mindlessly eating any of those, once we know how those bad habits are actually protective behaviors, then we can feel more in choice and in control. once we do that and are able to figure out and choose differently, because we can, once we can open up and see that we have more options to choose versus just reacting to the way that we always have in the past. That typically helps with anxiety, stress in various areas. It can improve relationships. People can feel more empowered or connected in their job. And then they also just generally want to more naturally take better care of themselves. So that's kind of a long answer, but all of that can really play into our health, both in terms of our mental health, our physical health, and also even spiritually. If, we have lost sight or disconnected from our spirituality, sometimes just by even figuring out what was really important to us, we can then get more in touch with our spirituality as well.

Magic Barclay: 6:31

Very much so. And our next question is around wealth. People think wealth is just the financial, but can also be personal and emotional wealth. So what are your top three tips to creating wealth?

Laura Folkes: 6:46

I think of wealth as it relates to our relationship with food. Around fulfillment and satisfaction as one aspect of wealth, because if we're feeling depleted or if we're feeling deprived, then you're probably lacking some sort of fulfillment or satisfaction. And then our personal emotional wealth the tank won't be full, right. Or the bank, the account won't be full. And so, um, a lot of times when we're eating out of alignment with our goals and we feel depleted or like we're lacking control. We really want to feel in order to feel more in control. It's really about feeling more in choice. and that will help us feel more fulfilled. So I was just speaking to a client recently about, when they go out with friends, the friends will have multiple drinks. They'll have like, Maybe six drinks in a night, and she really wanted to be drinking only three, and then after she hits that fourth drink, they will end up and go getting food in the, at night, late at night, which she doesn't necessarily want and it's usually greasy food of some sort. And so we were talking about how. What she's doing there is accommodating them because she wants to fit in with the group and wants to be accepted and there feels like there can be a risk of either rejection, judgment, potential, and if she's judged, then there's a risk of that rejection and her not being a part of the group, which feels like she might not have value. So this is where we're talking about the food and drinking as a form of protection, but because she was accommodating others. And feeling like she shouldn't, shouldn't do something or having like the food or the alcohol. It really made her feel like she was out of control. And at first she was like, I feel like on the weekends, I'm just doing like you only live once. Just go for it, have a free for all. But she was really, when we talked about it, feeling out of choice. And so she wasn't feeling fulfilled and satisfied. Even though she was having more to eat and drink, she, her satisfaction and fulfillment wasn't there because she was out of alignment with what was really important to her and her goals. And so getting more in alignment with what we want to choose can really help to build up that fulfillment and satisfaction and that wealth.

Magic Barclay: 9:10

I actually do have a question on that and I'm sure the listeners were thinking the same thing, you know, dieting or watching what you're eating or making better choices can be quite socially isolating. You know, we've kind of made these events like your client where. It's centered around drinking or around food. And so we can feel quite cut off. What are some ways that say your client, for example, could go out and, you know, still stick to her boundaries without being isolated?

Laura Folkes: 9:52

For sure. And it's and that's why a lot of times we are eating or drinking to fit in, right? Or not necessarily just to fit in, but because we also want to participate. And that's one of the things we talked about for her. She's like, I really do want to go out and have some drinks, but I would like to have three, not six or seven. And so what we really talked about is what's really important to her and what is she value about being with her friends? Is it really about getting drunk and having the alcohol and then eating greasy food? Or does she value something else? often when I ask that question to people, it's really about the connection. It's not really about the food or the alcohol and. So something to ask yourself as you're listening to this when thinking about going out for a meal or for drinks, what is it that's important to you? How do you want the night to end? And when also talking to her about what she values and what's important to her, she also said that when she, Has too much to drink, then she feels crappy the next day. Then she lays on the couch and really what she wants to do on the weekends is be productive, have some connection with her husband, go out and be able to function the next day. But when she goes hard and an evening, then the next day is impacted as well. And so it kind of affects the whole weekend. And so, um, we talked about maybe what she wants to do is leave early. So it's a collaborative solution. of a way that she can go out, still have a good time, get that connection, still participate, but then also be more in alignment with her goals, which would be having the three drinks and then leaving at a time where she. Has had that connection and had fun, but doesn't necessarily want to or need to stay out until 2am. So, as an overview, like the highlight is, what do you value what's important to you and what do you want to choose and if you're accommodating a group to fit in what. Is a collaborative solution that will work for you. And it's like a win win. So what will work for you as well as the other people around you as well?

Magic Barclay: 12:02

Fantastic answer there. Now, our final standard question is, have you ever battled your weight? If so, how did you win that battle? And what can you offer the listeners? No, particularly around stress. We know that stress and weight gain go hand in hand. So how can people, you know, focus on their, their weight goals and not feel so, I guess, stressed out about it.

Laura Folkes: 12:33

For sure. So I'll answer your first question Um, I did struggle with my weight since I was 12 and would do multiple diets, and weight loss programs, starting when I was 13 was the first one I went to. And I got really burnt out from dieting and being on these weight loss programs. so it took me a while and it took about five years for me to lose 60 pounds or about 23 kilos. but I lost that weight in 2008 and the difference really was instead of focusing on a diet, I was really focusing on. Making a lifestyle change, and that might sound, kind of typical, I guess, but, It's really what made the difference because that way I was making sure I wasn't feeling deprived and it did take me, like I said, five years and a few different approaches to lose the weight. But what really shifted for me is even after I had lost the 60 pounds, about four years later, five years later, when I was getting my health coaching certification. I had been maintaining my weight for a while, but I was still doing what I call working in the system where I'd eat well for a while and then say, screw it, eat whatever I wanted, have to rein it back in again, lose any weight that I had gained. And it was really frustrating because I was thinking about food a lot and was consumed by the thought of food and felt like I had to control it. And when I started to work with my health coach about my relationship with food, that's when things really shifted. And when that stress around food in my eating. really changed. So what I can offer about relieving stress when it comes to our eating is the first step is really finding out what are your triggers that lead you to fall off track or eat out of alignment with your goals. And Like I said earlier, the reason that that can help is because it can reduce some of the guilt or shame that we have once we have an idea of, Oh, this is actually, there's a reason, an unconscious reason that I am turning to food, and it's not because I'm lacking willpower or discipline, it's because there's a risk that I am trying to avoid feeling, and it can be so helpful and eye opening to be able to put it. Words to that and to get that clarity, and I always say that clarity is a big tool, but it's also part of the process. So finding out your triggers is one of the first ways to do that. And some of the common triggers that we find that I find that take people off track is feeling tired, and that can be physical or emotional depletion, feeling anxious and with anxiety often comes a level of uncertainty. Um, Feeling inadequate, even though we may not feel inadequate in all areas of our lives, there may be certain places or projects or certain things that make us feel inadequate, not enough or not good enough. And then with lonely, even when we have a great support system around, we can still feel isolated, alone, or lonely. So you can use the acronym of TAIL to check in whenever you feel like you're falling off track with your eating to see if any of those triggers are present.

Magic Barclay: 15:41

Thanks for that. Now we've covered a fair bit here, Laura, but I know there's just something burning up inside you that you feel the listeners need to hear. So I guess, how can people start a healthy relationship with food?

Laura Folkes: 15:59

Yeah, so, like I said, the first place to start is really seeing what your triggers are and asking for support if it feels like something that, a lot of my clients feel like they're hopeless that things can change. that's the point that they get to. And so if you're feeling that way, I just want you to know that it is possible for things to change because my guess is that a lot of people have been struggling with their relationship with food for years. And it feels like you've tried so many different things and you've had success for a short term, but maybe not that has been sustainable. and it is possible for things to change. And so I just want to share that. But then, asking for support. And also it is a process that it can take to shift your relationship with food. But one of those first steps is really gaining some clarity and awareness of what is Actually taking you off track, that isn't built around discipline or willpower. And so a great place to start, like I said before, is really identifying what your triggers are, that lead to feeling at risk and then that take you off track.

Magic Barclay: 17:11

Now, when people come to you, what are they looking for? Like, what do they say? Do they say, I want to drop some weight or I want to, you know, Work out how to eat better. Like what are people searching for? Maybe some of the listeners, you know, have an idea of what they want, but they just don't have the words to say it.

Laura Folkes: 17:36

often, weight loss is a goal of my clients, but it's not the only goal for them. Um, they often want to feel more comfortable and confident in their bodies and also with their relationship with food and just have a better relationship with food because. They're often thinking about it a lot. and they always say that if I could just free up some space in my brain, I could be so much more productive in other areas of their life because they're so consumed with thinking about food, their next meal. Beating themselves up for a food choice, preparing for a choice that they're going to make, that it's exhausting and they're just so burnt out and tired of it. Um, so that's some of the common things. And then one of the really common things that I hear too is, I know what to do. It's not a lack of information because there's so much information out there. They've also, typically type A personalities, perfectionists, well educated, very successful in other areas of their life. And yet it's this one area around food that they just can't seem to get a handle of even though they, have the desire and a strong desire. And also have the information, but there's just something that keeps getting in the way of them being able to be consistent and they don't know what that is. And so that is often what I hear from people when they first come to me and reach out for support.

Magic Barclay: 19:04

Now, I know many of us, you know, our relationships with food start really early. I know I came from a family background where, you know, You know, you trip over, graze your knee, someone gives you something to eat. How can we re language, I guess, that perception of love and comfort?

Laura Folkes: 19:25

Yeah, it's interesting because as we go through the process, we really are looking at how we were socialized and conditioned and how food was talked about and, how we observed it in our home and then not only in our homes, but also from society, from the media, from Religious organizations, all of those different places have an impact on how we view food and our eating. And so really, again, the first step of that is identifying the awareness and what were we taught to think about? Food and our bodies and then eventually what we want to get to is being able to see like, even though that is what we were taught, how much of that is serving us and what is still important to us and is there a gap between what we value today and what we were taught, and then being able to see where is that gap and what really is important to you so that we can ground into that as opposed to continuing to, you know, Fall back on the same patterns that we observed or were taught when we were younger.

Magic Barclay: 20:37

Now, before we let you go, Laura, this has been such a great chat. I know people will want to get hold of you, but before we do, we love freebies. What can you offer the listeners and where can they find it?

Laura Folkes: 20:52

Yeah. So as I was talking about the four triggers, I have a workbook in a guide on out of control eating and how to identify what's really happening underneath that. And so it walks through, Getting to the root of why you're eating feels out of control, and we'll talk you through the different triggers, plus the unconscious cycle that is actually happening when we're eating out of alignment with our goals. And some of the main causes that lead us to turn to food and it provides an exercise that you can go through in a structured way and in much more detail than what I shared here about identifying which triggers are coming up and when in real time or after you have eaten out of alignment with your goals. so that's available on my website at laurabeefolks. com. And I think that there's also a more direct link in the show notes, but that is the, a freebie that you can, um, grab and we'll give you some insight into what might be leading you're out of control eating.

Magic Barclay: 21:56

And so people can find you at laurabfolks. com, you're also on LinkedIn at laurafolks, and people can book a curiosity call with you at kellanlee. com slash laurafolks slash OA. Is that correct?

Laura Folkes: 22:16

Yes. And on my website, there are many links to schedule the curiosity call as well as there's a bit. ly link, the bit. ly slash chat with Laura B is an easier, maybe easier than the Calendly one, but, um, yes, a 40 minute curiosity call is available. It's a free chat to talk about your relationship with food. Um, what your challenges are around that, what's been swirling on your mind, anywhere you're feeling stuck. And I can share a little bit more about that unconscious cycle and apply that more to your situation to bring some insight into what could be taking you off track with eating.

Magic Barclay: 22:56

And I guess in summary, listeners, I would like to let you know that food is not your enemy. You are not your enemy. Your weight is not your enemy. It's just some skewed relationships and definitely reach out to Laura. She can help you with that. And I really hope that you find that truce with food. Laura, thank you so much for joining us.

Laura Folkes: 23:22

Thank you for having me. I Enjoyed our conversation.

Magic Barclay: 23:26

Terrific. And listeners, thank you for joining us and go forth and create your magical life.