We, as Mothers

This week's episode is my ode to you, special needs mama.  I share from my heart about our role as Mother, in all its complexity and beauty. My hope is that you feel validated, seen and honored.

Happy Mother's Day!

Connect with Kara, host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespecialneedsmompodcast/
Website: https://www.kararyska.com/

Transcript

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0:05

Hi, I'm Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible. And the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the special needs mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flair of possibility. In your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone, or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome.

Kara 1:14

Hello, and welcome to the Special Needs Mom podcast. This episode is a little deviation from what I had planned for a couple of weeks. I have been working on the episode that I had originally slotted for today. But it just wasn't feeling right. And I think it kind of coincided with the life I have going on, the life outside of this podcast that is, I think, very similar to the life that, you all are leading. So I sat with it. I let it be, and I let this episode come to the surface. We'll see if I can get through without crying. I have the luxury of being able to pause, so we might have to do some of that because you know what? Last week was one of those weeks, Oh, so many appointments, a lot of tough conversations at school. Funny story. so we have a communication log that's designed so that there's back and forth communication between us and school. And towards the end of the week, I thought, Oh, let's just check in on this communication. I'm probably supposed to check it every day, but I don't always get to it. So, yeah. Maybe I don't always want to see what it says. We don't know. No one will know the truth. So I'm checking this communication. I'm kind of like checking it out. I'm like, nothing too interesting. It was, it was maybe kind of boring for a second there. And then I saw the comment that was describing something that happened. And I'm going to leave it vague on purpose because I want to honor the privacy of Levi and clearly not to embarrass him at all. But this is one of those things where you just can't believe it. And it's funny, like you're laughing because you're like, this is funny. I didn't expect to see that in the report log here. I told a couple of friends and they didn't see it coming either. And it's, funny. We are laughing at it, because I just guarantee that the people that work with Levi did not expect what they got at school on that day, but underneath the humor down below the part where I'm laughing, cause like, what else are we going to do? I think there's maybe a little bit of embarrassment. Some fear. Oh, and there's the need that I feel to protect my son. So I sat to process all the happenings of just one week and I got connected and this is what, this is the episode I wrote for us, maybe more for me than anybody. And I wanted to share it with you and it just kind of happened that, it was slated to be the, episode that's coming out a few days before Mother's Day. I could not have planned it more perfectly. So here we are. I titled this episode, We as Mothers. We as mothers know our children best. We see the challenges that nobody else would believe. We witness them at all the appointments. We witness them work day after day in speech, in PT, in OT, in other therapies. We watch them, want friends and not have them. We sit alongside them in their most vulnerable moments. We witness the gap between them and their peers. We watch it widen and widen. We watch people judge them before they meet them or know them. We look into their eyes and see the fear. That they may or may not be able to communicate when their health declines. We witness and we feel the pain from their swinging arms and their fits of rage. On the other side, we witness their beauty. We witness their tender hearts. We laugh at their humor. We witnessed their tenacity, seeing them put one step after another, even when it takes all their focus and all the effort of the world. We get to see them change people, lighting people's faces up. And changing their day in a moment, we are the mothers, the mediators between those who have the potential to help our children, but don't understand their needs. And we manage processes and paperwork that separates our children from getting what they deserve. We are their voices. We know their joys and their hurts the best. This role feels like a privilege. I get to be his mom. I get to be his mom, who is revered as the mom who has walked him through this life. His life consists of three brain surgeries and way more complications than that. Thousands of jabs. I don't know, hundreds of thousands of pills. So many appointments, 30 days back to back of radiation. It has not been easy. And I have the front row seat. And there's pride and there's the undeniable underbelly. There's this vulnerability that exists as we witness our children being different, needing our help. Not following the path to happiness that we're taught when we're younger, you know, grow up, be nice, get, good grades, go to good college, work hard, find success, be happy. This path is not accessible to them. And we witness them rolling over unto land as they forge their own path, often with us pushing them from behind. We witness them not mature like other children, which keeps them in this vulnerable state of a child perpetually. This is a big ask to sustain the level of vulnerability it takes to have a child who remains dependent on you for years or a lifetime beyond their peers. Got to experience my older child. Letting go, watching him grow, of course is vulnerable to see him drive off in the car the first time by himself as a new driver. But along with it, I have the confidence that he's got it, or at least he's developing the skills to defend himself against the vulnerabilities of this world. And I see the stark contrast between my oldest son and my next oldest son, and of course my two younger children. This episode is about celebrating this unique role of motherhood as we parent our children with special needs, and this episode is also about grieving this unique role of motherhood as we parent our children with special needs. Today is about stopping and fully allowing the impact of who we are as mothers. I honor you, a fellow mother on Mother's Day. You in the next episode.