This week’s episode, "Get Out of Your Head," is a heartfelt invitation to reconnect with something we often sideline—our emotions. As someone who has navigated the rocky terrains of financial stress and emotional burnout, I've realized that understanding isn't just about what we know; it's about connecting with how we feel.
Join me as I share my personal journey and the universal struggle that many of us face, often in silence. With insights from Dr. Anita Phillips and her profound work "The Garden Within," we dive deep into the emotional undercurrents that steer our lives. We’ll explore the anxiety, shame, and feelings of abandonment that can influence our financial decisions, underscoring the immense power of vulnerability.
This isn't just a chat about finances—it's about rediscovering ourselves. By connecting past childhood responsibilities to our adult experiences of burnout, we uncover the true cost of ignoring our emotional needs. This episode is a reminder that to truly combat burnout and tap into our brilliance, we need to give ourselves permission to feel.
So, let’s step out of our intellectual comfort zones and bring our emotions into the light. It’s time to acknowledge the fragments of our identity that we've overlooked and reclaim the brilliance dimmed by life’s relentless pace.
This week’s episode, "Get Out of Your Head," is a heartfelt invitation to reconnect with something we often sideline—our emotions. As someone who has navigated the rocky terrains of financial stress and emotional burnout, I've realized that understanding isn't just about what we know; it's about connecting with how we feel.
Join me as I share my personal journey and the universal struggle that many of us face, often in silence. With insights from Dr. Anita Phillips and her profound work "The Garden Within," we dive deep into the emotional undercurrents that steer our lives. We’ll explore the anxiety, shame, and feelings of abandonment that can influence our financial decisions, underscoring the immense power of vulnerability.
This isn't just a chat about finances—it's about rediscovering ourselves. By connecting past childhood responsibilities to our adult experiences of burnout, we uncover the true cost of ignoring our emotional needs. This episode is a reminder that to truly combat burnout and tap into our brilliance, we need to give ourselves permission to feel.
So, let’s step out of our intellectual comfort zones and bring our emotions into the light. It’s time to acknowledge the fragments of our identity that we've overlooked and reclaim the brilliance dimmed by life’s relentless pace.
Listen, friend, here's what I know for sure. You know enough right now to disrupt burnout for you and every person around you. Friend, it's not about what you know. I am here to tell you. I meet so many accomplished, certified, educated, experienced, powerful, passionate, purposeful professionals, and nothing that you know so far has disrupted the cycle of burnout for you. Here's why Because it's not about what you know you have to reconnect with how you feel, friend. It is time to get out of your head and into your heart so that we can disrupt these cycles of burnout. Let's talk about it, all right, friend. So I am going to jump into this conversation by telling on myself. And y'all know I will tell you my business if it's helpful. And y'all know I will tell you my business if it's helpful. This one is a little bit different because it is something that I am continuing to work through, but I think it's a good example, so I want to share it with you.
Speaker 1:
A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a friend and I was talking to her about something that I was frustrated about and it connected to my finances, and I was just kind of letting it go. What was on my mind and what I was going through and she stopped me. She said you know what she said I really think you should talk to somebody about how you feel concerning finances. And she said not just a financial person, but I think you should think about talking to your therapist or someone else that can help you connect with the emotions that you experience around finances. And I had never considered that particular thing before. I know that I have experienced frustration when it comes to financial things. I often experience feeling anxious or feeling fear concerning having enough or making ends meet. And here's the thing we're good, all is well, but it has been normal for me to get a little bit anxious when I think about looking at a budget or looking at the finances or paying bills or having a conversation with my husband about money, and my friend has noticed this enough to say, hey, this is about more than money. I think this is something that you need to explore, and I know how to budget. I have all the apps. All the accounts are connected, like doing the things. I have all the things in my head, the knowledge that I need to manage our finances and handle what we need to handle, but what I did not realize were there were some emotions, there were some feelings attached to this that I had not spent time in to feel them first of all, to identify them, to connect a pattern there. I had not paid attention to my heart. I was so focused on my mind when it came to finances and what I know about money that I had not paid attention to my heart to understand the feelings that I was experiencing concerning money. So after my friend brought this to my attention, I did bring it up to my therapist. I also prayed about it and spent some time thinking about okay, what have my reactions been, what emotions have been connected to those reactions and what are the situations or the incidents that arise that cause me to feel those emotions.
Speaker 1:
And through that journey, with the support of my therapist, I found that when it comes to money, I struggle with shame, I struggle with abandonment. I often would hear myself say it's all on me. It's all on me. It's on me, no matter what, I'll take care of it. I got it. It's all on me. It's on me, no matter what, I'll take care of it. I got it, it's all on me.
Speaker 1:
And this is not just in recent years. This has been as far back as I can remember. I remember having my first job, starting as a babysitter and then going into being a cashier at a local grocery store, and as soon as I had money, everything extra in my mind was on me. Parents took care of food, parents took care of needed clothes. If there was anything extra clothes wise or any cheerleading camp or anything I wanted to do, I took it upon myself that it was all on me. All right, friend, I'm just popping in really quick because I need your help. Would you go over to Amazon right now and leave a quick review for Disrupting Burnout? You don't have to finish the whole book to leave a review, and it doesn't have to be long or fancy, just your honest take on the book. I know that there's some algorithm fairies out there. If you leave enough reviews, they will share this book with other readers who need it. So would you help me out? Would you help our friends out who haven't heard about Disrupting Burnout yet? Go over to Amazon and leave your honest review for disrupting burnout. I appreciate you. All right, let's get back to the episode.
Speaker 1:
I took this all on me from my childhood to young adulthood. Being in college, I didn't ask anybody for help. I didn't want anybody's help. I had two or three jobs, literally. There was a time in college that I worked as a cashier. I transferred stores, so the same grocery store that was in my hometown was in my college town. So I worked at that grocery store. And then I worked at a daycare center on campus and then I worked as a student assistant in the registrar's office. This was all while being a full-time student. I took responsibility to say it's all on me, I won't ask anybody for anything, I will take care of what I need. And then, from young adulthood into my professional life, from my professional life into my marriage, I can look back over my life and I have constantly proclaimed that it's all on me. I've acted like it's all on me, but I have also grieved that I felt like it was all on me in many different seasons of my life and what I've come to realize is there were emotions connected to finances that I had never identified, that I had never dealt with, I had never checked my baggage concerning finances. So last week, in last episode episode 109, we discussed checking your backpack. And I'm here to tell you today in order to check your backpack, you've got to get out of your head and back into your body. You need to feel your emotions In my travels all over the country, emotions In my travels all over the country.
Speaker 1:
Most of the audiences that we've spent time with are degreed. Many of them several times over have degrees. They are certified in their professional areas. They have years of experience. We have the honor of connecting with people who are accomplished and very successful, who have many accomplishments behind them and even more accomplishments in front of them, and what I find in these audiences are people expect that you will come and teach them something. So they expect that you are going to give them new knowledge, new tools in order to beat burnout. And we do have strategy and we do have tools.
Speaker 1:
But here's what I know for sure Disrupting burnout doesn't happen in your mind. Disrupting burnout happens first in your emotions and how you feel. And that is difficult for accomplished, intelligent people to receive, because we have been taught that if we learn more, we do better. So if you teach me something else, then I'll be in a better space. If you teach me how to do this or teach me how to do that, then I'll be able to get it done. But I'm here to tell you it's not what you know. You know enough right now. As a matter of fact, I'm not necessarily telling you anything you don't know Now. It's a different perspective on what you already know, but the key here is for you to allow yourself to get beyond your mind and connect with your emotions. How do you feel? How do you feel and I know that having feelings conversations can be very uncomfortable for a lot of people because we have been, in our culture, taught that feelings are weakness, that feelings are a waste of time, that feelings misguide us and mislead us, that we don't ever follow our feeling, don't ever follow your heart, don't ever pay attention to how you feel.
Speaker 1:
I've been really studying a book called the Garden Within by Dr Anita Phillips, and what I love about Dr Anita is not only is she an accomplished, educated professional with research behind her work, but she is a believer, she loves Jesus, she is a preacher, so she brings both sides of the coin. That often feels in conflict with each other and what Dr Anita is teaching me. First of all, if you don't have this New York Times bestselling book, the Garden Within by Dr Anita Phillips, I'm going to need you to go get it. Yes, I'm going to need you. I'm going to need you. I said it. I'm going to need you to go get it. This book is transformational. It does not surprise me that it sold over 100,000 copies in less than six months. It is really transformational.
Speaker 1:
But one of the things that I'm learning from Dr Anita is to stop throwing away my emotions and how I feel, and not just intellectualizing my emotions. So it's one thing to identify the emotions, right that you can pull out your feelings wheel and you can pick out a word that best describes how you're feeling. But Dr Anita has also encouraged me and led me to feel the feelings. Now we're talking about checking your baggage and I'm here to tell you, friend, you won't know what's in your baggage until you start feeling the feelings. What does that mean? How many times have I been in a room with folks and while I'm speaking or while we're doing a workshop, people often say I just feel like I want to cry, and my response is always the same Then cry, friend, cry. You were given tears on purpose and they have a purpose in your life, and we've been taught to hold back our tears. We've been taught to push back the emotion. We've been taught that there's no room for emotion in the professional world, but I'm here to tell you there are emotions all around us.
Speaker 1:
As long as you are dealing with connected with human beings, emotions are a part of the package and we have to grow to the space that we not only acknowledge our emotions but we allow ourselves to feel our emotions. Without feeling your emotions, you cannot adequately check your baggage because you don't know what you're carrying. I want you to consider that your emotions are spotlights to the dark places of your soul, and when I say dark, I'm not talking about evil. I'm talking about where there hasn't been light in a long time. Maybe there were experiences as a child that you pushed into a corner because they were too painful to think about. Or maybe there were lessons that you picked up along the way that you haven't thought about in a long time because you're in a different job in a different place and you haven't had to think about that in a long time. I want you to know that whatever emotions you carry, they're going to continue with you until you deal with them. They don't go away. You can't ignore them forever. Those emotions are still with you and they are still driving how you show up for work and life. Remember, when we talk about checking your baggage, we're talking about identifying the standards, definitions, ideas, thoughts, experiences that define the way you show up for work and life. And I'm here to tell you that there are areas of your invisible backpack that you will not be able to find without the flashlight of your emotions, because those are the only ways that those lessons, ideas, experiences are showing up for you right now.
Speaker 1:
So, when I found myself emotional and responding every time finances came up in my marriage or every time a bill showed up that I didn't expect, or whatever the financial thing was, it was important for me to pause First of all, feel that emotion, express that emotion, let it happen, but also think about okay, what is the root of that? Why is that particular emotion continuing to show up? Concerning money? That emotion was a flashlight for me to identify a space where I decided that everything I needed was on me, Not just about my husband, not just about my parents, but even when it comes to God, like, oh, thank you for blessing me, I got it from here, thank you, thank you for giving me what I have so far, but I'll take it from here. You don't have to worry about me. I got it. I got it, I'll take care of it. I got it and in that I got it, I didn't realize that not only was I pushing away people that I love, but I was carrying the pain of abandonment with me and not even recognizing that it was still with me. So I'm here to tell you that there are experiences, there are lessons, there are standards, there are definitions that you're carrying in your backpack, and the only way you will identify them is using the flashlight of your emotions. So how are you feeling? How are you feeling?
Speaker 1:
When was the last time you had a reaction to an incident that now, when you look back, it doesn't really equal what happened, meaning your response feels much bigger than the actual incident? When was the last time you identified every time a certain name comes up, you become sad. Or when was the last time you identified fear and what fear is connected to in your life? And if there is a trend or a theme concerning fear in your life, your emotions help you check your backpack. You cannot leave your emotions at the door. I know that there was a day that we would tell people in order to be professional, you have to check your emotions at the door. I know that there was a day that we would tell people, in order to be professional, you have to check your emotions at the door. But now we are wiser and we understand. If you want people to be human and you want them to connect with other people, there's no way that we can leave our emotions at the door. And that doesn't mean we are crying every day or expressing ourselves in a way that disrupts the work or disrupts the goals of the company, but it does mean acknowledging that we are human and finding safe spaces that we can truly express our emotions, not just identify them. Yes, you need to identify them, but you need to express the emotion.
Speaker 1:
So I want to share with you. I want to share with you four things that I have learned. This is through reading the Garden Within, through listening to different podcasts with Dr Anita Phillips and through my own therapy work. So again, this is not me being a therapist, because I am not my friend. I am not certified skilled licensed in that area, okay. So I always encourage you to connect with a therapist, a certified, licensed therapist, someone who can guide you through your own journey, but I just want to share with you what I've learned about getting out of my head and back into my body to experience my emotions and to allow them to be a flashlight to help me check my baggage.
Speaker 1:
The first thing I've learned from Dr Anita is to reconnect with my body. What I am learning is that my emotions are not experienced in my mind, they are experienced in my body. And if I will pause long enough to recognize what's going on in my body, if my muscles or my chest feels tight, if my breathing is shallow, if my head is hurting, if my stomach feels funny, just stopping to recognize what is going on in my body, if you pause long enough to honor what's happening in your body, it will lead you and guide you to emotions. Emotions are expressed in your body, not in your mind. So what cues are you missing in your body to help identify what's in your backpack? So you got to reconnect with your body. Some of the ways that I've done this is by breathing, deep breathing exercises that my therapist taught me. Some other ways that I have done this is by progressively tightening muscles and then releasing them. Progressively tightening muscles and then releasing them.
Speaker 1:
So just different ways to connect with your physical body, or just sitting, sitting in silence and checking in with your body every morning, how am I feeling? How am I feeling? And I'm transitioning my language from how are you doing to how are you feeling. It's not just about what you're doing, but how do you feel. So the checking with yourself, reconnect with your body, then name the emotion. What is it? Is it sadness, is it shame? What is the emotion? Is it anger, is it frustration? Is it overwhelmed? What emotion are you feeling?
Speaker 1:
But don't just stop at naming the emotion. It's not enough just to name it. You got to feel the emotion, and as much as you can feel it in the moment, as much, and you know what's appropriate for work, what's not appropriate, what setting you're in. But you need to feel that emotion. Find space, find space to feel, find space to cry, find space to scream, find space to express, find space to dance, find space to laugh, find space to breathe. Feel the emotion.
Speaker 1:
Friend, we cannot be free until we get out of our head and back into our bodies. These bodies were given to us on purpose, for purpose. They were created purposefully, masterfully, and everything about your body is on purpose. Stop denying what you feel. When there's a tightness in your chest, pay attention. When your tummy feels upset, pay attention when your muscles are tight, pay attention when your head is hurting. Pay attention. What is your body trying to tell you? So you feel the emotion.
Speaker 1:
And, finally, I've learned to explore the emotion. So when have I felt this before? When was the last time I felt the same emotion? What was happening in my life when I felt this emotion? How did I respond to it? When I look back over my life, is there a pattern concerning this emotion? This is work that I do with my therapist to dig in and understand what I am feeling and why I am feeling that way. Understand what I am feeling and why I am feeling that way.
Speaker 1:
Friend, I'm here to tell you disrupting burnout is not an intellectual journey. I know that you are exceptionally smart, I know that you are accomplished and you are experienced and you are skilled. But, friend, I'm here to remind you that you are human. You are human and I can give you all of the data and all of the research and all of the information about burnout. But I'm here to tell you you have enough information.
Speaker 1:
It is time for you to get out of your head back into your body, recognize what's going on in your heart, allow the emotions to be expressed and investigate those emotions so that you can start to identify some trends and what's in your backpack. That's what we're doing, friend we're getting out of our head and back into our body. I hope that this was helpful for you today and back into our body. I hope that this was helpful for you today, if nothing else to let you know that you're not alone, if nothing else to let you know that your emotions are not wrong and it's not wrong to feel them.
Speaker 1:
As a matter of fact, what we do wrong is ignoring them. You need to acknowledge your emotions. Your emotions are a flashlight. They are a spotlight to help you see the dark places in your soul. Not dark as in evil, but dark as in forgotten. Sometimes we have to go back and collect ourselves from places where we have left ourselves. All right, friend, as always. You know you are powerful, you are significant, you are loved and you are brilliant. Love always, pbj.