Have you ever wondered if our work environments are stripping away our humanity, leaving us feeling like mere cogs in a machine? This week, we’re diving into how our work environments might be peeling away our humanity, and what we can do to bring heart back into our professional lives. Join me as we explore how to make our workplaces more humane and connected.
I'll share a personal story about dealing with institutional consolidation —an event that rocked our emotional foundations. It’s a powerful example of why we need to manage change with more heart and understanding.
We're also going to unpack emotional intelligence (EQ) and its crucial role in navigating workplace changes. Despite the buzz around EQ, it often stops short of encouraging us to actually express our emotions. We'll dissect the four pillars of EQ: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management, and challenge the status quo of HR and leadership that often pushes us to keep a positive face on things, no matter what.
In the final part of our episode, we stress the importance of creating spaces at work where it's safe to express and handle emotions. I’ll share insights from my own experiences as a leader trying to meet the emotional needs of my team. We'll discuss why it's vital for leaders to really listen and provide support, rather than just trying to fix things.
Let's rethink how we handle emotions in the workplace together. You are powerful, significant, and loved, and your emotional well-being at work matters immensely.
It’s time we all felt a little more understood and a lot more valued.
Have you ever wondered if our work environments are stripping away our humanity, leaving us feeling like mere cogs in a machine? This week, we’re diving into how our work environments might be peeling away our humanity, and what we can do to bring heart back into our professional lives. Join me as we explore how to make our workplaces more humane and connected.
I'll share a personal story about dealing with institutional consolidation —an event that rocked our emotional foundations. It’s a powerful example of why we need to manage change with more heart and understanding.
We're also going to unpack emotional intelligence (EQ) and its crucial role in navigating workplace changes. Despite the buzz around EQ, it often stops short of encouraging us to actually express our emotions. We'll dissect the four pillars of EQ: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management, and challenge the status quo of HR and leadership that often pushes us to keep a positive face on things, no matter what.
In the final part of our episode, we stress the importance of creating spaces at work where it's safe to express and handle emotions. I’ll share insights from my own experiences as a leader trying to meet the emotional needs of my team. We'll discuss why it's vital for leaders to really listen and provide support, rather than just trying to fix things.
Let's rethink how we handle emotions in the workplace together. You are powerful, significant, and loved, and your emotional well-being at work matters immensely.
It’s time we all felt a little more understood and a lot more valued.
Is there any space for emotions in a professional environment? Have we removed humanity out of the workspace? Does emotional intelligence give us what we need in order to connect well, do well and avoid burnout at work? Friend, we got some talking to do. Come on, let's get into it. Friend, listen, all right. So I know that we have spent some time reviewing the chapters of the book and we will get back to that, but this conversation on emotions just continues to ring loudly in my heart and in my head, and new topics, new directions continue to come forward. So today we need to talk about is there space for emotions at work? I want to start by giving a shout out to the HeartWork community. Shout out to my sisters. We call each other Heart Sisters. In the HeartWork community, we focus on doing heart work. We are a community of professional women. We all have leadership roles and degrees and certifications and we've done all the things and now we're doing the work that really matters and we're doing it together. So shout out to our heart sister, who brought up this topic in response to the podcast episode last week where we talked about fine is no longer good enough and how we're continuing to get out of our head and into our heart. So shout out to you, heart Sister. And so I want to dig in a little bit today concerning emotions at work.
Speaker 1:
As I consider this topic of emotions at work and emotional intelligence and whatnot, an experience came to mind of a few years ago where I was working at an institution and we were selected to consolidate with another institution, and this happened at several institutions in the state of Georgia where we consolidated with another institution and where I was working. We walked through that and I've shared some of that experience with you all. The part that I want to focus on today and what I thought about was as we were going through that process. So we got our instructions and we followed those instructions to a T and we had a time frame to get that work done and we did it within that time frame and we walked through rewriting policies and renaming institutions and selecting colors and mascots and navigating relationships with community members and alumni and students and parents and colleagues, and we went through the process of selecting folks for their jobs and people having to reapply for their jobs and selecting folks some folks over others and breaking the news to people who were not selected for their current job and talking to them about what their next steps were if there were next steps with the institution, and I thought about all of the impacts of that, not just in that moment but continued. I had the opportunity to work at a couple of other institutions that were also consolidated. I was not a part of their consolidation process but I joined those institutions post-consolidation and even to this day, for those who are still at those institutions who experience consolidation, when you say that word, there's an emotional reaction from people because of the impact, because of the trauma of walking through that process. We're now in a space where many of our colleagues are newer and they don't know what the institutions were prior to consolidation, but there are still some of us who walk through those processes and we remember very vividly the impact of walking through that process. And the one piece that comes to my mind, and has come to my mind over and over throughout the years, is the lack of change, management and people support as we walked through that process. So we walked through it in a very technical way. It was very much checking the blocks, doing the things, use the form letter, follow these instructions, and I understand why that was necessary, especially when it was a statewide change. But I am also very aware of the impacts on people of that process. The impacts on people of that process.
Speaker 1:
All right, friend, I'm just popping in really quick because I need your help. Would you go over to Amazon right now and leave a quick review for Disrupting Burnout? You don't have to finish the whole book to leave a review and it doesn't have to be long or fancy, just your honest take on the book. I know that there's some algorithm fairies out there. If you leave enough reviews, they will share this book with other readers who need it. So would you help me out, would you help our friends out who haven't heard about Disrupting Burnout yet? Go over to Amazon and leave your honest review for disrupting burnout. I appreciate you. All right, let's get back to the episode.
Speaker 1:
During that process, people experienced extreme fear fear for their livelihood, fear for their future, fear of the unknown. You had dedicated your life to this institution with a certain culture, a certain name, certain experiences, and then, all of a sudden, that was changing and you didn't know what that change was going to look like or how it would impact you. It caused fear. It caused people to feel unsafe, even knowing that you had to apply for your job or reapply for your job and compete against colleagues who, folks you would normally work with across institutions. Now you have to compete with those folks for your very job. There were emotions involved in this process and in order to get through it, in order to check the blocks, in order to meet the criteria, we ignored the emotions for the most part and just did the work most part and just did the work. And I'm here to tell you that the impacts of that are far reaching, even as folks retire or move on to other work experiences, the impacts I can still see within the cultures of the institutions that went through that process.
Speaker 1:
So it led me to think about emotional intelligence and is it really the answer for how we handle emotions at work? I can tell you that we went through studying emotional intelligence. We all took the EQI. We had a person that was designated as our EQI expert and I don't think it helped us. It did not help us when the rubber met the road and things were going down and it was time to make this major change. I cannot tell you that, as far as I'm aware, that any of us fell back on emotional intelligence to get us through it. I'm not saying that emotional intelligence is wrong, but I do think that it is missing some critical pieces.
Speaker 1:
So I went to an article to refresh my memory on emotional intelligence. I went to the article called why Emotional Intelligence is Important in Leadership, and this is from the Harvard Business School. This is an article from April 3rd 2019 by Lauren Landry, and Lauren did a beautiful job of recapping, summarizing what is emotional intelligence, and I appreciate that refresher in order to have this conversation with you, because, in many professional environments, this is what we are leaning on to help us manage through emotions. So, because of that, well, let's walk through it, let's understand it a little bit more. So, from what I learned in this article and a couple other sources that I read, emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions, but also to recognize the emotions of others and organizational dynamics, right? So there are four pillars for lack of a better word of emotional intelligence self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management. So there's a level of awareness of myself and others, and then there's a level of action of myself and others, right, when you think about emotional intelligence. And so I'll start with this.
Speaker 1:
I think the theory is very technical. Even though it mentions emotions, I don't think we're really acknowledging emotions. I think we're giving leaders another checklist, another to-do, another step-by-step that does not acknowledge the expression of emotions. So in the four steps in self-awareness, I am encouraged to be aware of my own emotions, to know how I'm feeling, to identify them and name them right. So if I use a feelings wheel to be able to look at my feelings wheel and acknowledge how I am feeling, like we've discussed before, that's important, but it's not everything, because recognizing the emotion is not expressing the emotion. So I can recognize that I'm sad or I'm fearful or I'm frustrated, but what do I do with that? What do I do with that?
Speaker 1:
So in emotional intelligence, the next step would be self-management and in self-management it specifically mentions maintaining a positive outlook even in hard times. So, being a leader of 25 years serving at the executive level, I am very aware of how this mindset may benefit a company or organization, because we know change comes, we know hard times happen, budget cuts and different things that we have to manage. So teaching, conditioning our folks to have a positive outlook even when times are hard, I get it. I get why that may be a benefit to leadership, but here's the gap. Here's the gap. What if the ship is really going down? What if we are truly headed in the wrong direction? What do we do when things are truly hard?
Speaker 1:
What I've observed is we encourage people to keep it to yourself, manage it outside of work, take care of it outside of work. Even HR ideas former I think we're getting better now, but former ideas would be leave your emotions at the door or leave your baggage at the door. Or I've even heard military philosophies of we didn't issue you a family, so we're not responsible for your family, kind of things. All of these ideas ignore our humanity. So we're brought into a professional world where we are responsible for all of the technical things, but we're ignoring the core of who we are.
Speaker 1:
We are emotional beings and science proves that emotions come before thought. Emotions come before thought. Emotions come before thought. So before we can be creative, before we can be strategic, before we can be brilliant, we have to acknowledge and express emotions. And in the workplace we have not made space for people to express emotions. So even in emotional intelligence. Yes, self-aware to be knowledgeable of my emotions. But when we talk about self-management, we talk about how I am going to keep those emotions in their proper place, and I am not saying that our workplaces should be absence or absent of emotional regulation, but not just our workplaces.
Speaker 1:
When I think about what we need at work, what we need are true relationships, and when I think about the true relationships in my life my relationship with my husband, true relationships in my life, my relationship with my husband, my relationship with my daughter, my relationship with my friends there are some core pieces to those relationships that we also need at work. When we think about the amount of time that we spend at work, when we think about what we're trying to accomplish at work, it will not happen without professional relationships and I am not equating the intimacy that I have with my husband or my daughter or my friends with the intimacy that I need at work, but I am saying professional relationships cannot be void of connection. There is no relationship without real connection and there is no real knowledge of how to honor real emotions in the workplace. It's not just about self-awareness and self-management, and my heart sister mentioned this and I think it's important to mention. She called it toxic positivity and by nature I'm a positive person by nature.
Speaker 1:
I want us to look at the benefit. I want us to be hopeful I believe in hope and at the same time, positivity can have a shadow side, where we ignore the reality of the real emotions in order to manipulate people into some sort of positivity that is not real. And we have to get to an honest place in order to have real positive relationships at work. Positive doesn't mean it always feels good. Positive doesn't mean we're always in a good mood. Positive doesn't mean everything is going well. I think positive means true and it means honest and it means honest.
Speaker 1:
So where is the space for honesty at work? Listen, friend, I'm not telling you to go to work and turn over the tables. Please don't. You have bills to pay and I cannot pay your bills. I am not telling you to go to work and spew your personal emotions all over everybody, all of us, in every relationship, not just at work.
Speaker 1:
In every relationship, we are responsible for proper expression. Right, we are responsible. There are moments where anger or sadness or disappointment may come up in my relationship with my daughter, but I manage how I express that and I manage how I include her in that expression because I love her and I respect her as a human being and our relationship is important to me. So I don't want to express myself in a way that causes a breach in our relationship. I don't want to express myself in a way that causes a breach in our family connections, but I do need to express myself. Withholding the expression is never the answer. Ignoring the emotion is never the answer, and the same is true for work.
Speaker 1:
Where is the space for emotion at work? If we continue to walk through the idea of emotional intelligence, then you have two pillars of social awareness, so the ability to read the room, and it relies heavily on empathy, right, and then also relationship management. Now, this is interesting because when they talk about relationship management, they talk about solving conflict and the ability to influence and coach others, and again, what I find missing is the true connection. I don't want to have empathy just for the sake of getting the job done. I don't want to teach that you should have empathy just for the sake of influencing, coaching, maneuvering, manipulating even people into accomplishing what you need them to accomplish. That's not pure and it doesn't create true connection. Relationship management we need to talk about things like true communication and listening to understand and vulnerability and real connection.
Speaker 1:
I think we're missing the point here. I think we're really really falling short of what creates real, impactful, productive relationships, and it causes me to question what is the real desired outcome. I think if our sole desired outcome is to meet the expectations and the goals of the workplace, it's showing and we're going to have a problem doing that. I think if the real motivation is two parts one to honor our people and then to make progress, I think that that's where I think that's where the treasure is, and when we want to honor people and meet the goal, I think that's where the brilliance is. I'm really really stewing on this when it comes to how we're disrupting burnout in the workplace.
Speaker 1:
As I continue to talk to you about the heart work strategies for disrupting your own burnout, I am very aware that there's more that we need to do to disrupt burnout in the workplace and the responsibility we have as leaders to contribute to the wellness of our people, and the core of that, I think, is this connection that is missing, and in order for real connection to happen, there must be real vulnerability, and in order to have real vulnerability, we must have expressed emotions. So what do we do PBJ? How do we make space for emotions at work? Pbj? How do we make space for emotions at work? Well, first, I would say to leaders we need to learn how to hold space for emotions.
Speaker 1:
I've shared with you all throughout my career. I've had the role of holding space for students and parents and colleagues many times where I didn't have an answer or I definitely didn't have the answer that they wanted when sharing news with parents that they never wished or imagined they would have to hear. Or talking to a student about being suspended or expelled from school and what their next steps might be. Or even speaking with a colleague about an accusation they might have against a student and how we cannot hold that student accountable for what they want to accuse the student of. I've had many, many experiences of holding space for folks' emotions without giving them an answer, without driving them in a certain direction, without getting a certain desired outcome on my behalf, but just purely holding space, and what I've found is leaders struggle with holding space for emotions, with holding space for emotions.
Speaker 1:
Holding space for emotions means that you sit and you listen and you don't try to answer and you don't try to redirect and you don't attempt to put a positive spin on it, but you listen and you allow those emotions to spill all over the floor, okay, and you acknowledge what you hear and you just make space. You're just there. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can be is present. So, as leaders, I encourage us to work on holding space for emotions. Remember you are dealing with people.
Speaker 1:
Stop trying to strip the humanity out of the workplace. That's the problem. That's why we can't get along, that's why we can't trust each other. That's why we can't meet our goals, because we are stripping humanity out of the workplace and we have to return to a place where people can be people. We are not robots, and there is a difference. There is a difference. I know that we are in the age of AI and I know that technology is advancing faster and faster every day and it is, but technology will never replace fully a person. It may do the work. It may do the work, but what it cannot replace? Emotions, human connection, true listening and communication. Those are places where we cannot be replaced. So we've got to learn how to hold space for emotions.
Speaker 1:
Number two I think people need a space for processing at work, whether that means we bring in a therapist and we do group counseling, or whether we have a coach that comes in and allow space for people to process emotions. People need practice. For so many years we've been conditioned to hold our emotions in and it never works. Can we just say that Holding emotions in never works? It's got to come out one way or another. It's going to come out one way or another. So even if we exist in a system or a culture where emotions are not welcome, get ready, friend, because that just means they're going to boil over. That just means they're going to explode over. It is going to happen. So, in my mind, managing emotions is making space where they can safely and appropriately be expressed, so that people are not harboring and holding to the point that they explode. So we can bring in experts and folks who are certified to support our teams and leadership.
Speaker 1:
Don't exclude yourself. Don't send your people to the emotions workshop and you don't go. Don't send your people to the group counseling and you don't show up. Number one they need to see your vulnerability. Number two you're human as well and you don't show up. Number one they need to see your vulnerability. Number two you're human as well and you need to express your emotions as well, and all of us need a little more practice in doing that and how to do it safely. So bring in somebody who can help. And number three I would encourage us to encourage people to do their own individual work. Encourage us to encourage people to do their own individual work. I know that many of our healthcare systems and benefits actually cover counseling, but most of our people are not aware of that and even if they are aware, they still don't feel safe or supported in pursuing that type of support.
Speaker 1:
Make it loud. Make it loud that you support folks in their counseling journeys and seeking those support, in that there are benefits that are offered that can help folks do that. Make it loud. Stop whispering about counseling. Stop just giving folks a brochure and hoping that they Make it loud. Stop whispering about counseling. Stop just giving folks a brochure and hoping that they see it. Make it loud. There are too many things going on in this world right now for us to pretend that we ourselves and our people don't need counseling, and there are too many wonderful resources out there for us to continue ignoring those resources. Make it a value, make it a point, make it loud that you support your people in doing their own heart work, because, as our team members do their own heart work, it will strengthen our team. As individuals are strengthened, so will our team be strengthened. So I encourage us.
Speaker 1:
We have to make space for emotions at work. We have to make space for emotions at work. We have to look at what we've learned about emotional intelligence and other things and question it and interrogate it and decide is this what we need or is it time to go deeper? I contend that we need true connection, which means we need true vulnerability, which means we need expressed emotions. So, friend, is there space for emotions at work? Oh, there better be. If not, it's got to come out one way or another. And I think we're suffering. We are suffering from ignoring our humanity at work, and the only way that we're all going to be replaced is if we treat ourselves like robots and we forget that we're human and we need not desire. We need real, honest, safe human connections. So, yeah, there needs to be space for emotions at work. I'm still mulling over this.
Speaker 1:
Friends, I'm really thinking through this because I think it's a critical need. I would love to hear from you If you have a theory, a thought, a process, something you've heard about concerning emotions at work, in addition to or other than emotional intelligence. Reach out and let me know. Reply to an email, talk to me on social media, let me know something on LinkedIn. I love to hear from you. Okay, all right, friend, as always, you are powerful, you are significant and you are loved. You are brilliant, you are human and you need to express your emotions, not just acknowledging them, not just name them on the emotions wheel, but you need to express your emotions. Oh, friend, I hope this is helpful and I hope we can grow in this together. Love always. Pbj.