This is a raw & vulnerable account of a former missionary youth pastor turned tantra teacher and her incredible journey of healing through trauma, shame and abuse.*
A brave narrative of how she stood up to owning her power after disassociating from her oppressive, fundamental, Christian-cult following patriarchal family structure; breaking out of her good girl image to discovering the paradigm-shifting wisdom of Indian Goddesses and leading her to teaching the feminine way of Neo Tantra.
Amy Jindra is a Tantra Teacher, Sacred Sexuality Coach, and writer. Passionate about sharing sacred sexuality and the healing it brings through tantra. Amy takes great pride helping create a world without shame and guilt, especially around sexuality and our bodies, so that everyone can live a fully expressed and vivid life.
Follow her on
IG here : https://www.instagram.com/amy.jindra/
FB here: https://www.facebook.com/amy.jindra.1
*This episode is for all those healing & have been working through trauma, abuse, psychosocial & religious obstacles to owning their agency, power and path.
Please consider talking to a therapist & reach out to Amy for recommendation if this episode brings up any unprocessed grief.
This is a raw & vulnerable account of a former missionary youth pastor turned tantra teacher and her incredible journey of healing through trauma, shame and abuse.*
A brave narrative of how she stood up to owning her power after disassociating from her oppressive, fundamental, Christian-cult following patriarchal family structure; breaking out of her good girl image to discovering the paradigm-shifting wisdom of Indian Goddesses and leading her to teaching the feminine way of Neo Tantra.
Amy Jindra is a Tantra Teacher, Sacred Sexuality Coach, and writer. Passionate about sharing sacred sexuality and the healing it brings through tantra. Amy takes great pride helping create a world without shame and guilt, especially around sexuality and our bodies, so that everyone can live a fully expressed and vivid life.
Follow her on
IG here : https://www.instagram.com/amy.jindra/
FB here: https://www.facebook.com/amy.jindra.1
*This episode is for all those healing & have been working through trauma, abuse, psychosocial & religious obstacles to owning their agency, power and path.
Please consider talking to a therapist & reach out to Amy for recommendation if this episode brings up any unprocessed grief.
Welcome to this powerful container of infinite possibilities to a highest state of awareness. Join me. Should we shut that tie as we uncover the pathways to the world's most illuminated leaders, Seacoast creators. And perhaps even some saints
Sritha:today, I have with me Amy Jindra, a certified tantra coach. Who has taught workshops, worked with clients all over the world. She's really passionate about sharing secrets, sexuality and the healing it brings and takes immense pride in helping the world without shame and guilt. Especially around sexualities and our body so that everyone can live a fully expressed and vivid life. Her mission is to build a platform of sexual healing and education programs that bring awareness to sexual trauma and the power of tantra practice to heal. She has two books available on Amazon, woman and me and the one she's released right in the middle of COVID be with me. I met Amy and one of a common friends Valentine's dinner I. Got this beautiful opportunity to witness her thrawled entire room her practice. And for me at that point of time, I had just about a year in, in New York, I was shy about tantra because. You know, Indian, cultural, conservatism kind of leaves me away, but something about Amy made it seem so, so welcoming. And with that, I'd like to look, come here, Amy. Thank you so much for coming here on the podcast.
AMY:It's good to see your face and hear your voice and hear your voice.
Sritha:So dive right deep into it Tried, most of the questions and the articles out there. Ooh, tantra sex. And I know, Oh, that's not what it is. Is a path to yourself to experiencing life. Completely. A lot of people used it to attract. Find your best man. Find your perfect, get rich doing tantra. You have done any of those. I'd love for you to speak on what you believe your brand of tantra is supposed to be?
AMY:Yeah, well, I have a brand of Tundra. It's kind of me navigating this and there's so many different facets to it. Cause I'm a Western white woman teaching a very controversial ancient practice from a lineage in India. I'm can't generalize it and be like, Oh, I've heard white women specifically say, Oh, well, Indians don't own this. It was a practice that's from Egypt. And it was also in like ancient Babylon and whatever. And it's just like, That's it very white supremacist.,thing to say, because we think about the history of tantra, this path, that's so taboo and it's taboo and a lot of reasons, not just because it doesn't ignore sex, it improves it in your practices. But because there were female leaders back in ancient days, it broke a lot of the rules of how you're supposed to act any. Texts that you read, whether it's ancient or modern from a teacher is talking about shedding, your conceptions of who you are and how you perceive the world So of course it's a little dangerous versus society. Whenever you're teaching people, how to question everything and to be uncomfortable, going their own way and going their own path. And it's wild. For me, the path of tantra is a feminine one you're connecting with the feminine aspects of life, which have been stripped from us so many ways. And so many times, especially here in the West, we get born into a hospital in a sterile environment and the wild primal, natural instincts that we have. As women and as fathers and as people, we're taught to think in ways of consuming and thinking of ways of checking boxes and being very logical and practical when you actually get out into nature and start to get removed from more of the modern. Styles of living, then you realize, well, nature's fucking wild and brutal and beautiful and powerful. And I'm also a part of that. I'm not separate from that. So What has been this wild path, and it's also called the lightening path because when you start to practice and start to tap in to, what's essentially your sexual energy, which is our life force energy, it's how we create a child. You're tapping into that. You're cultivating more of that. Where are you going to put it? And if you have a ton of wounds, of course, you're going to be like, Oh, well I want to make myself better. I want to be rich and show everybody how great I am. Or I want to check a partner who will love me in ways that I can't love myself, or however you want to spin it. You got to put that energy somewhere. And one thing that's really been grilled into me the last three years as a practitioner. And not just as a teacher has been to honor where it comes from and the people who. Held that sacred knowledge for thousands and thousands of years, especially the perspective of America. We are, we're a baby country and talking to some of my teachers in India. They're like India has been around for over 10,000 years. Like you guys. You'll come and go. Like we're not worried about you. And that's just kind of shocked me. And I was like, Whoa, in America, we're like, we're in a world power. Everybody wants to be us. And it's like, well, that's actually not true. And there's things that we don't understand because we are so young. And part of my unlearning, my white supremacy had to do with my spirituality. And especially in turn, turning around and teaching and going, who am I to teach this? Like, do I have the rights to this to even understand where this comes from and what is perfect about what we talked about earlier? Really presenting Tanisha is like, it's a living, breathing energy and force and path. And yes, it's East meets West there's aspects that are open to me as a Western woman to freely practice without so much fear of being abandoned or shamed, or even killed in some aspects and the Eastern understanding of where it actually comes from and how to honor it, how to honor your teachers. So it's definitely a meeting of both of those. Have been particularly interested in knowing about the Western and the Eastern woman, because me born in India brought up in different bubbles and different experiences. When I moved to America, one of my biggest aha moments was. Whoa, like I thought Viva suppressed. And then I moved here and I'd be like, yeah. How bad patriarchy was like disguised over here. I'd love for us to go into your story, your personal story of being born into that you have all us witnesses. In the name of sacred. They put upon many oppression and you had this experience of finding your spirituality and seeking what is right for you how did you listen to that inner voice? When you went from being the Joel's witness, a kid from there breaking out of that church, finding personal experiences that were really devastating becoming a youth pastor leader, I was raised to have this witness and it is so wildly controlled and fear based. So it was all about what not to do and their safety in that when you have so many rules and people, they actually have a panel of. Elders of men that will, you can come to and be like, is this right? What should I do in this situation? And they will give you a final answer on that. it's pretty wild, but if you want the safety and security of. Always knowing what's right. And never living in the gray being in this polarized world where, you know, what's right and what's wrong and you know, why bad things happen, it feels safe. But what it's doing is really taking away your power or your personality, it's stripping you of that spark. But I, as a little girl, I was always really wild. I was loud. I was obnoxious. I asked too many questions. It was always getting in trouble and I didn't know how to not be that. My family was super strict with it and the Jehovah's witness realm and would always try to dictate like how I dressed and how I wore my hair. And I wasn't allowed to be like loud or provocative and I'm very loud and productive. Like I think I was just born out of the room loud and everybody face. So with that, I just never fit in, but anytime like I would dance or create or be in nature, I would feel so connected to something bigger than me. And I just always was like, yeah, I don't believe you guys. And I remember being like five years old and they like having me read these scriptures and these books and give a talk on it. And I was just like, I'm not really into this, this isn't my thing. but. Part of our psychology. We have to have the safety of our family as a child said, live and survive. And so we adapt and we learn to suppress parts of ourselves that are dangerous for our family bonds and our ties. So I learned how to be polished and how to be mild and meek and obedient. And it just, you know, it was hard and so hard for me. I felt like I was just so big in my skin also within the church, like you, you don't have sex until you're married. And basically a woman's place is to get married and have children and serve. Her husband and served for congregation and that's one's life outside of that. It's like, there was just all these messages of like, if there was a woman, like who maybe were single and her late forties and didn't have kids, everybody's been like, Oh, poor thing, and things like that. And the positions of power with that I worked at as a young girl, it really bothered me that it was all men. there was not any women reflected in the Bible that were like me where I was like, I have two brothers, I'm definitely smarter than them. Like, I can handle it. Like I can handle myself. What do you mean they're allowed to do these things? And I'm not, or even my family, like I asked my dad, I was like, you want to go to college? And he's like, no, he's like, you just need to get married and worry about that. And so I was like, okay, I'm still going to go to college. Like screw you guys. But. It was just heavy. It was just like, almost as if. Wow. I'm really choosing over your lungs. Like you're not going to love me if I go my own way. And that kind of just got impressed upon me over and over. And when it comes to certain things like, especially sexuality, There's so much shame around it that shifts you don't even realize you're picking up some stories of your parents. And you're hearing that and you're like, Oh, this, until you learn to question where you learned about sex and sexuality, you automatically believe what your parents taught you or what your community teaches you. Or maybe it was like a TV show that you just caught on to and use very subtly. You're like, Oh, this is what I believe. And with that, like within the church, I was already in trouble all the time. I was always like, and a wild one, I was really young, like I was getting in trouble, like I ran away from home. Like I was always acting out I was really angry at like a really young age. And whenever I was 12 years old, I was molested by a member of the church and they were like, Oh, well, I'm going to take you far away from this small town and your family and telling me all these beautiful things and. The thing about sexual abuse is that we picture it as something so violent. And so it's so outside of our lives. So we think it's like someone who isn't a ski mask and an alley going come here a little girl. And it's usually someone that no, it's usually someone in your community and your social circles and what's hard to identify sexual abuse or even speak up about it is because they don't abuse everyone. people who target, especially younger children, they're not out like touching everyone or making it known. They usually have a pretty great persona in the community where everyone's like, Oh, I love that guy. Or I love that person. And, and that's what makes it tricky. And that's what makes it tough to speak up on is it's hard for people to accept that. And it's also hard because if people don't see it firsthand, We're just programmed to go, Oh, don't talk about that. Whether that's abuse or just sexuality in general. So it's just like this breeding ground of abuse and pain. Whenever we don't talk about sex. And when something like that happened and I was a young girl and I was like, I definitely can't go to my parents with this. I'm gonna get in so much trouble and it just continued to happen. And finally, I told a friend. Who told the parents who told the congregation. And so it got out and like they did all the right things, quote, unquote of what they knew. So I went to therapy, they had me file a police report, but what I learned at a really young age was like, none of this made it better. Like the things that. They're putting into place of what we were supposed to do after your child is sexually abused. None of it made me feel safe in my body. I didn't feel safe talking about sex. I kind of just turned into a shell of a person and I would have these overwhelming emotions and not know where to put them in a really young age. And I just learned to shut it down. And just become really numb and plastic almost where I was like, okay, I'm going to perceive what you want me to be. And I'm going to be that because I no longer feel safe in my body. I don't want to be abandoned. I don't want that kind of pain. And there wasn't a way for me to feel safe, to feeling all of it and even understanding fully what happened and because also psychologically. If you're molested, sometimes I just feel good. And you associate that pleasure or that heat. or even that intimacy for me, I think with my abuser, it just was so nice to have someone pay attention to me and be soft with me and loving. And when I got hurt, what that did, was it created? A connection to my shame. I started to believe when my pants were like, Oh, you're bad. You're not you're this you're that you're too loud. You're too much. It was like, Oh, they're probably right. Like, I, got hurt because I'm this. And I just internalize that as like, I need to be different. So that just doesn't happen anymore. And life can just be better.
Sritha:then you go through abuse, which further makes you internalize saying it's my fault. And I don't have but I think a lot of women go through that place where Yes, it was me. I was a reasoning. Even though cognitively and intellectually, you're no, it was all of his, that's their fault. Then there's an element where, you also internalize all of this. How were you able to move through how did that manifest for you?
AMY:So I just completely shut down and I was like, all right, I'm gonna try my best to just survive at this point. And it was just like sheer survival mode. I developed like wild anxiety. I was like afraid of traveling. I was afraid of leaving my small town. I was afraid of so many things that didn't necessarily match up with my personality and who I really am. So that looks like I started drinking at a young age I would act out and then I would feel incredible guilt and shame over it. And then I would go back to my family make my life about them and taking care of them and being the good daughter. So totally unconsciously, just running around, trying to survive, like had no plan for my life. so I found this church that it was like, okay, it's still like against my parents' religion. And it was a Holy ghost church. So it was like very curious about it. And you're working with the Holy spirit and people would have miracles in tongues and it was very ecstatic and I was having all these ecstatic experiences with this church. So in my brain, I was like, Oh wow. I feel so good here. And they knew me and they left me like, this must be the thing. So I just immersed myself at a young age into this church and I was like, Nope, new life plan. I'm going to be a pastor's wife. I'm going to go to Bible school, all that stuff. And I'm just trying, at this point, I was still young at this point. I'm like 19. So, and I'm in Bible school. How did he find the height? I just met? I just met someone who was like, come to church with me. And I was like, like, I feel so weird about this. So uncomfortable. But what got me was like, they were singing and they were happy and they were joyful and it was a community. And I was like, Oh yeah, this is, this is where I belong. And then I started studying the Bible, really studying the Bible contextually, like from a historical standpoint also, how it developed, how it got spread throughout the world. And I was like, Whoa, What happened to all the women? Like there's no women in the Bible that are like me and as a youth pastor where I would get up and give these sermons. And I was a missionary, I was traveling all over the world, like preaching and sharing about love and Pierce and joy, but I still didn't have that. All the way within myself. Cause I was still shut down. I still had to be monetarist and conservative and it's like, well we don't talk about this. Or, Oh, we don't go here and we don't do this. And it's just like, well, it still wasn't there for me. And what I started to do also is look at. different bodies of texts for spiritual beliefs and part of Bible schools. You learn how to convert other religions by studying their culture and their body of work and their religion. And when I was reading about different religions that have feminine goddesses, I was like, what are you talking about? Like, I've never even. Thought of the concept of God being like me at all. It's always this older man who's mad at me and I have to follow the rules or I'm going to go to hell. Like that's, that's what I believed. And it just. Blew something open in me that it could be different, that it could be like me as I am. And instead of having to fight my nature, and I thought that for a long time, I kind of tucked it away and continue. And I got married to someone that my parents loved and was like super conservative and building my cute little lines and. It just all exploded one year and I was still studying goddess worship and I was still setting like different religions. But it was very quiet. It wasn't out in the open. I still hadn't healed my sexuality. So in order to even have sex with my husband, I would be really drunk or I would always like feel super rigid. And the moments that I did feel pleasure, I would notice that I would feel really guilty after. And as an adult, I was like, wait, no, I'm supposed to be six. I got married. That was supposed to be the bridge of like, now you get to enjoy sex. And I was like, wait, no, I did the thing. I got married. There's a paper that says like white, like I'm allowed to orgasm now. Right. And it just wasn't connecting for me. So I had this really. Eye opening year and it was just everything kind of, the rug got pulled out. And I just had all these clear decisions to make of like, are you going to really take care of yourself and love yourself? Or are you going to get back into box? And I was in a bar class, those like pure bar where it's like ballet and Pilates class. And I. For some reason that year, I was like super into fitness and like really cleaning up my diet and like no alcohol, like no sugar. I was just really feeling my body for the first time and honoring that, which I'd never done in my life. always like transcend the body. Like the body is sinful. The body is causes pain. The body is what we're trying to escape from. I was in his paragraph class and we were tucking our pelvis. help explore squeezes. And I just had these ripples of orgasm, like violently through my body. And I had never felt pleasure like that before. And I had no idea what it was. I was so amazed and surprised and just blown open by how good my own body can feel. And I realized, wow, I really have no idea. How to treat myself. I have no idea who I am. I've been like trying to get pieces from other people of who I am, but this kind of beauty and power was just in me. And I didn't know that. And so I kind of followed the cookie crumbs and I remember the moment my best friend went to go study with a Dow, his teacher. And I was like, Oh no, there's something about this. Tom's your teacher. And I just fully submitted like head in. First. And I was just like, there's something here that I'm missing. she was a Neo tantra teacher. So she studied in India for about 10 years. But when she came back to America to teach. her groomer is like code, take this to the Western woman. So she came and brought some practices here, but it was geared towards intimacy and sexuality. And when it's really focused on that is called me on tantra. Because if you go study tantra in India, it's not going to be about sex and relationships. It's going to be about mantra and yantra and Contra. It's a complete, slightly different approach. So I started studying with her and we started to really get into the layers of why I'm afraid of my own power, why I am afraid of myself, why I've been living such a small controlled life. And it had to do so much with, I just have never been allowed to be a powerful woman or a sexual woman, or just relax and not be on the edge of my seat of who I should be for other people. And. That was revolutionary for me. And I worked a lot with Hindu goddesses who helped me heal a lot of my heart and a lot of my sexual wounds, because it was like, wow, I'm looking at these scriptures that are devoted and people pray to these goddesses and. You feel that devotion, you feel that love and that power behind it, but they get angry. They fuck, they love, they fight. And I was like, Whoa, any concept that I had of a woman was like the Virgin Harry and where she's super pious and she's a vessel for God to come through, but she's not actually divine, you know? And it was just working with. The idea is that, wow, I also have that in me. I also have that divinity and me and in my body, it really started to shed those layers quickly of who I thought life was about. And I no longer was just trying to survive and maybe get like morsels of love from people along the way. I was like, Whoa, I'm really starting to create my own life. And I'm really starting to embody who I am. And for me, it's so important to walk into a room full of women and to just be able to relax and be myself. And even though there are powerful rituals and practices, there's such an opening of like, Just sharing who you are with somebody that already starts that shift of like, wow, if your nervous system is calm and relaxed, my nervous system is calm and relaxed. If you are pissed off and angry and fiery, but you're not destroying with it. You just are like, even just being around somebody in a pure emotion, it's just so liberating and Creating environments for women to not only explore their own energy when they feel like with your pleasure but also getting to move through things like emotions and traumas and the history of the stories of who they think they are. And. Feeling unguarded, like creating space for that is so important to me and wherever I go, I'm constantly like trying to create that environment for women. And I get a lot of men who were like, what about men? We need that too. And I'm just like, I'm sorry. I just, I feel like, in my practice and in my life, like, Whenever a woman bodys her power and loves herself completely and knows where she begins and where she ends, like that affect the whole community. we're going to share that we're going to spread that we don't have to just keep it all to ourselves because we don't. And that's the feminine way, whether it's a male or a woman, we, we share, we uplift everybody whenever we are. Healing and whenever we are able to give from a full place.
Sritha:Totally agree with that whole idea of working with women, helping them get into their power. That was all my businesses that I've started in the last year. Seven years is about how do we get women to fall in love with themselves. I loved that whole story because of your disempowerment and your lack of enjoying a pleasure of guilt-free you followed these cookie crumbs, he kept following it, and then found your aha moment found something that really uplifted you tooth key to that space of complete pleasure. Orgasm A I know this is a question. Every girlfriend's. And I remember sitting down, it's like, okay, I don't know if I actually had an orgasm yet. What is a full body orgasm?
AMY:Women have six different types of orgasms and a lot of learning to tap into your pleasure. It's being able to turn your brain off. Your brain is actually your largest sex organ. And whenever we have many preconceived notions of what we think it should be, how we think it should feel or look, we're actually blocking our pleasure. That's a huge of living and then orgasmic state or having access to pleasure is. And it being in a meditative state where you can have one thought, be completely present, whether that's with yourself during masturbation or with a partner when you're getting ready for socks or engaging together, presence is such a key part and pleasure. And that's where breath work. Meditation mantra really helped to calm your body, calm your mind down and calm your nervous system down. So you can actually feel. Whenever we get into that, like, I want an orgasm, I want an orgasm. It becomes like almost a competition for ourselves that in turn blocks it because we're not present with what's really there and orgasm. Isn't really the goal because sex is incredibly healing. I mean, we're primal beings at the end of the day. it's part of our social structure, sexist, something where we create a space that requires another person to. Give us attention and touch and be with us in that moment. And you're sharing something just between the two of you. And that is a very rare occurrence outside of church or meditation or yoga. Like it's being with another person completely. Present if possible. And whenever we experience pleasure, there's a lot of studies done about how women are actually orgasming, but not feeling it because their brain isn't saying, Oh, this is pleasure. And how you rewire your brain for pleasure is calm down your nervous system and explore your own Bonnie. I love a unique practice. I think that's one of the key tools and really connecting with your body, giving yourself permission to touch your pussy or your body, or explore yourself and really start to feel how sensitive your internal tissues are. A lot of women are still clenched and have lack of blood flow and energetically. You're also cutting off your energy to that space, your sacred, that also your feminine energy, where we create life from. And even if you don't want to have a child or can't have a child, you still have that energy of creation within you. So orgasm really is just a movement and opening to pleasure and a full body. Orgasm is just You've. Opens to not just having a spike of pleasure and your clitoris or in your G-spot, but it's really waves and ripples where you feel it in every cell of your body. And it's like at the tip of your tea, your hair, your fingernails are orgasming and you just feel pleasure. And it's not in a way, that we see in movies where it's not this spike. Like a lot of orgasms are kind of like a lightning strike it's um, it's just a sharp peak of orgasm and pleasure, and then it's over. And then maybe you feel kind of tired after when you eat some food or you just roll over and fall asleep. Um, the other side of that, whenever you have used opening healing orgasms, essentially because you. With practice. And with time you can move your own energy. A lot of my clients say it's like, Oh, this is like sex. Reiki is, you know what Reiki is where it's like energy movement on a chocolate system. I'm like, it is that's your energy and you can move it. You can enhance, you can open in different ways. So for instance, if I have been feeling anxiety or really shut down or lack of confidence, I might really focus on my core and I'll do a core workout. Really see if I'm feeling weak. See if my thoughts even come up of maybe I can get to that root of my thought process of like, why my core. Of my being, which is your, solar plexus. So it's your power, it's your solar energy. It's your ability to go out into the world and get things done and to actually be effective. And so if I want to work on that, I can even. Have an orgasmic practice and just focus on that part of my body open, really listen to it, open it and through like massage or maybe one or just breath work and visualization, like start to see what's really going on because our body has so much wisdom in it. And if we're living just from the neck up and just from our brain and our perceptions of what things are, and everything needs to be in a neat little box, that's actually not the part of our brain that we feel pleasure in. It's the other, it's the gray area that we need to be in to order to experience instead of to categorize.
Sritha:So how does one embody that feminine, this power you've tapped into cause where you're not feeling power is exactly where you are. The most powerful is what I believe. So if someone's experiencing say repression in specific space and they're using different modalities, maybe meditation, how did you start using this? Tapped channels for yourself.
AMY:My most crucial part, is my discipline. So showing up for myself every day. So there are different ways to tap into that energy. And I invite people to explore with that whenever you feel pleasure, what are you doing in that moment? Are you dancing? Are you singing? Are you cooking? What is that? I love to look at Saks because it is so taboo, but it also gives you every piece of information that you need. So if you're numb, if you are addicted, if you are doubtful or not confident, or whatever's going on in your mind, how you're showing up for yourself through masturbation and orgasm or with your partner, is going to give you all the information that you need for the rest of your life. If you're paying attention. So. For instance, if I feel really shut down to my body and I, every time I go to Oregon and I want to cry, like I can use that as a meditation, I can slow down, really be with myself. Calm, my nervous system damage is key so that we're not in fight or flight, and we're not creating stories around what this means so that we don't have to be uncomfortable, which is a lot of patterns that we have is like, I just don't want to be uncomfortable. So I'm going to externally try to control this, but finding a practice where not only can you be comfortable being uncomfortable and that's how you start to shed, what's not real and what's not you. And what's right. Closing around your power is I'm really uncomfortable right now, but I'm not going to make it worse. I'm not going to create an environment where I'm going to numb out. I'm going to feel this. I'm going to see what's really there and have compassion for myself, but also to then feel pleasure. Too, even when you're uncomfortable or sad or angry or frustrated, you have something that I'm like, Oh, I'm going to do this. And I know I'm going to feel good. You're going to get those good endorphins. You're going to get serotonin and oxytocin. And you're going to calm down your central nervous system, which is cute too. Any type of power is. Connecting with your body and your body, not only just being a vessel for your consciousness, but a key piece in your experience in life and having it be sacred. And I think in religion, there's some context of your body as a temple. And even though we read it in Bible school, like I didn't believe my body was in temple. I felt dirty. I felt wrong. I felt unsafe. And having to really reclaim that through pleasure, through learning, to calm myself down, through having the discipline to sit in my discomfort. And my path was with a teacher who would hold my ass accountable and every mentor and teacher that I've had, that's been so effective. Has. Not in afraid of pissing me off has not been afraid of making me uncomfortable. They loved me enough to like bring out that sort of truth, which is it can be super painful, but also what thank you. Thank you for that. I get caught up in my bullshit and I needed help and community. So all of a sudden, other part of that is sisterhood. Like when we're healing, we don't have to do it alone. And it's easier to connect with our self-love. If we have mirrors with people who can also look at us with love. So sometimes when we wake up and we feel like shit, and we're just like, God, what am I doing? This my life I'm exhausted. I'm broken. I'm this I'm alone. Whatever. But having a community, having sisterhood, having someone who can look at you and even play that game of like, wait, I would never say these things to you. Why am I saying it to myself? So I think community is really important. Having a practice that includes your body and also exploring your pleasure is so important. And traditionally in tantra, it's theirs. The rituals that are done by a priest precess. There's the principles that you can do that you can do at home. But, these aren't always the most effective, especially from a Western perspective. It doesn't always feel like your home. It may feel like so foreign to you or so far out of your comfort zone. And that's when I think brass work is such a powerful tool because you don't need anything outside of you, it's you and your breath, and you can learn how good you feel. You can learn your fear. You can learn how to calm yourself down and really be present with your breath. And I think that might be one of the key tools of bridging the East and West is like understanding the power of our breath.
Sritha:you believe that it is finding a good teacher that helped you to get to that next state? Right? How does one person beginning that journey, N one, and learn more about pleasure themselves, how to embody this power themselves? How should they find the right teacher?
AMY:Get a chest yourself and just kind of learn to get quiet and follow the cookie crumbs. And I don't necessarily believe that everyone has to have a guru. Like there are very few true grooves out in the world today, but having someone who embodies what you're looking for and who can hold you accountable can be life-changing. there are so many ways to get there. You can read books and you can practice, but I think. Either way you choose, whether it's through a teacher or self studies. it's really about listening to yourself. It's really about. Finding something that your body is actually responding to and having that chemical reaction within yourself, having that physical that really lands it for you because our brain is so tricky. I get so many clients, like I got to a sales. I called today. And she was just like, I know exactly where my trauma's from and why I do this. I just want to break that pattern. And that was like, I think that's your brain creating another beautiful story. We really don't know until you feel in your body. What's going on. Like your body is such a key to not only, what's honest, because it's not creating a story. Your body doesn't really speak in language. It's not creating the story of this is why this happened. And this is why this is showing up in your life or whatever your body is like. It's a feeling and it's undeniable. When you feel what's going on in your body. So, I don't necessarily believe you have to have a teacher, but if you're looking for a teacher, look for someone who is living in a way that you admire, look for someone who you feel drawn to. And it can be as simple as that, like even certain like new age concepts, I'm like, yeah, that's good. Like, I get a little skeptical sometimes, and I get frustrated sometimes, but things like if you've ever worked with crystals and sometimes it's the simplest, which one do you think is great. Hmm, which one feels good to you? Which one did you look at first and keep thinking about something as simple as that, like just walking through with yourself and it's all about you. You're not. Practicing to get to know somebody else other than yourself, you practice. And you do all this healing work so that when you move it's you, whenever you create it's you, if that makes sense,
Sritha:that's such a valuable advice. Going back to yourself and going from there. But most of the time when we're seeking we're in that lowest point, and it gets difficult to trust yourself. And that's when we stop seeking these modalities and path to our bigger purpose. But that actually also wanted to tap back into the beginning of a conversation You went through abuse as a child, and then you found tantra to liberate yourself, for someone who's listening right now. And I know myself, I've been, I've been a victim of sexual abuse and agenda violence. Almost every person has a history of some kind of sexual trauma. Is there some kind of framework, a set up help for our listener. That could begin their safe container to explore that and not feel shame
AMY:Well, creating a container is, it's what my life's work is. And I think it's a balance of education that science-based, that is grounded in reality. And I work with a lot of therapists. A lot of therapists will send their clients to me cause they're like we can only get so far and licensing. They can only do so much. And then they're just like, get them into their body, move their body, feel where their ideas are. getting into a practice with your body. Modern therapy has a lot of restrictions behind, also it's really about having that alone time and intimacy with yourself. Self massage breath, work meditation, being able to be alone with yourself, even though it might be the scariest part is like, Oh my God, what am I going to find? what if I don't even like her Is there like a drag leading in my subconscious? it could be terrifying. every woman is different and their needs, and our experiences. But I think that having. A community that you can be honest with and love yourself with and even saying, Hey, I need help right now. Or I need something like being able to express our needs is so important. And then having a team like having someone who will hold you accountable for. Keeping your body strong, somebody that will hold you accountable for your practice, therapy. I love their beer. I think it's fantastic. I think that you don't have to do it alone and someone who can hold that space, whether it's cognitive behavioral therapy, whether it is. Goal-based therapies now where it's, you don't really go to the past. You just focus on the future. there's so many different modalities to therapy, and I think that it's one piece because it's your body, it's your mind and it's your energy. So all of the years to get in to a rhythm together and understand they're all connected. There's many different approaches to it. But I think that you, my approach definitely is the body is getting into where you're holding onto trauma, where you're holding onto pain, or maybe you're numb, and your body's going to give you that information. And when you start to heal something as significant as trauma, that's stored in your tissues, that's in your body and it affects you in ways that you don't always realize until you're on the other side of it. And even then they're strap. No, there's still things that I'm like. Whoa. I can't believe I believe this, or I'll be in a situation and I'll have just like a gut reaction. And I'm like, Whoa, what did I do that? And. Through tantra and meditation and all these spiritual practices. It's not a magic wand, but it gives you space between your trigger and your actions. So you're not constantly spinning out of control, burning out, creating situations for yourself based on your wound. You have a little space, you can go, Whoa, I really want to do this. But I'm going to stop and pause and ask myself why. I want to shut down. I want to run away. I want to numb out whatever our pattern is to not feel we have a little space, then it's not going to be. I went to this workshop and I orgasm. Then now I'm healed. That's not how it works. Did daily. Choice to show up for ourselves. And some days you feel amazing and powerful and orgasmic and other days you're like, this is hard. I hate this. Why did I do this? And either way, you returned to a practice that works for you. And then you're able to get some space and some peace between that.
Sritha:Beautiful. Well, I am really, really enriched by this conversation. I feel like there's. So much more than what we've discussed. And there are so many ways we could move into the conversation, but to end our conversation, I'd love to ask you, what is your path to to Nirvana
AMY:So for me, my, my Nirvana, my heaven on earth and that somebody that I get to touch it's really from the purest place of who I am. And sometimes I touch it during sex. Sometimes it's through meditation. Sometimes it's just smelling a flower. I'll get these moments of. Complete and pure, no thought, no, what's my name. Like no concept, but just these moments where it's me here. And I don't have to reject myself or catered other people or dance around who I am. I just get to be. And for me, that's Nirvana.
Sritha:Well, I wish you loads of Nirvana that was really enlightening and eye opening rather. Thank you
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