Along the Gravel Road Podcast
Welcome to the Along the Gravel Road Podcast where we’re changing the conversation around mental health. As a You Aren’t Alone Project non-profit initiative, the goal of the podcast is to provide a safe platform for people to share their stories and give others a sense of hope and connection.
With guests ranging from individuals who are open and willing to share their own mental health journeys to mental health professionals to share expertise and advice.
Trigger warning: Some topics discussed in these episodes may be difficult for listeners to hear. If you are feeling triggered by a topic, we encourage you to listen when you are in a better space, or with someone you trust.
Unless otherwise stated, topics discussed are based on personal experiences, not professional advice, and should not be considered an alternative to seeking support from a mental health professional when needed. Additional resources will be provided in the show notes of each episode.
Along the Gravel Road Podcast
Sophia Ellisor on Coping with Family & Childhood Trauma
Have you ever stood at the crossroads of your own mental health journey, wondering how your past shapes your present? Sophia Ellisor joins us to share her deeply moving story of childhood, enveloped by the challenges of her mother's borderline personality disorder and the heartache of divorce. We uncover the raw and often silent struggles that children like Sophia face, and how these formative experiences make a lasting impact on their lives.
Navigating the intricate web of anxiety in the aftermath of childhood trauma is never easy. Our conversation takes you through the labyrinth of managing anxiety when addiction and illness are part of your lineage. Sophia and I discuss the fine line between awareness of one's mental state and being handcuffed by the fear of it, emphasizing the strength found in vulnerability and candid discussions with those we hold dear.
We wrap up with a testament to the transformative impact of coping strategies, therapy, and the courage to establish boundaries. From Sophia's early introduction to therapy amidst her parents' divorce to the vital role of supportive communities, this episode illuminates the lifelong journey of understanding and healing from past traumas. Tune in for a discussion that not only spotlights the hurdles but also celebrates the resilient pursuit of mental wellness and personal growth.
Follow along at instagram.com/youarentaloneproject or learn more at youarentaloneproject.com.
Welcome to the Along the Gravel Road podcast A you Aren't Alone Project initiative. I'm your host, chelsea Barona. I want to welcome you all to this new season of the podcast. I'm really excited that you all are all here. Hopefully, we have a few new listeners as well. I'm also really excited to start off this season with talking about growing up with a very difficult divorce, as well as with a parent who suffers from a mental illness, which is something I don't know. I think we may have touched on a few episodes, but we haven't really dove into all of the ways that it impacts you as a child and then continues to impact you throughout your life. Our guest today is going to talk about her own experiences with that. Hopefully, if you're going through something similar, that you can find some connection and hope through her story.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, chelsea, I'm so excited to be here. A little bit about me. My name is Sophia Ellesor. I am from New Orleans. I recently moved to Baton Rouge and I'm a project manager. I love animals and I just got a new puppy named Todd, aka Turdy Lou. He's three months and I love him so, so much. But yeah, that's just a little bit about me.
Speaker 1:Awesome. I'm so excited to have you here. We've talked a little bit about your story and your experience and, as I said in the intro, I really do think there are going to be a lot of people that connect with this and it's not really a topic that's talked about a ton. I think we talk about the person suffering from these different mental illnesses, but we don't necessarily talk about all the people impacted by it, particularly children in a lot of situations. Yeah, I think you sharing is going to be really important for a lot of people. So, thank you Awesome. So we'll just jump right in, let's do it. Let's do it If you want to talk a little bit about your experiences, especially in childhood, and then how those things have kind of continued to impact you today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. So. My parents got divorced when I was really young and the hard part about the divorce was my mom actually suffers from mental illness. She has borderline personality disorder and that wasn't something that I realized, or really the family realized, until really going through the divorce. So it took a few years until we knew, okay, she has a mental illness and this is why she's acting the way she's acting. So I also was.
Speaker 2:I'm the oldest, I have a younger brother and I was put in the middle of all of it. So it was tell your mom this, tell your dad this, tell your mom this. You know the back and forth, being in the middle and so I definitely was tough and it was very dragged out, lasted many of years. My dad ended up getting full custody of us, which is very difficult to do as a father, especially in Louisiana. So if that tells you anything, it was hard, it was a lot. I definitely still deal with it today. I actually had some text messages with my mom last week of tell your dad this or you know it's like, oh my gosh, I'm an adult now and I'm still dealing with this stuff. So but just learning how to deal with it and definitely being in therapy and reading and learning about borderline personality disorder and how to better deal with that has really helped me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I think you know borderline, we hear about it, we hear you know BPD, and I even think maybe people use it to describe things that aren't actually, you know, fully diagnosed illness, and so, and obviously the symptoms come out differently in different people and it presents itself differently. But what was you said? They started to really show up in the divorce. What were some of the things that came up for y'all where it was starting to become really evident that this person had a problem?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it was. So once my parents were in separate houses I had to go back and forth and it was a lot of. I never knew what I was going to get. So one hour I could get home from school and it's, I have all these snacks for you, let's go to the park, let's go do this. And I'm like okay. And then an hour later it's you're the worst, you know, like just horrible, mean things. And as a child, you're going wait, why are you said you were going to bring us to the park and now you're mad at me because we went to the park, because now you have things to do.
Speaker 2:So it was very, very confusing at first, and a lot of situations like that also. I remember, just, you know, getting a C or a D on a test, right, and your parents had to sign them back then. And I was like, oh my gosh, if I was at my mom's house and she had to sign a test where I got a D on, it was terrifying because I didn't know if she would be, you know, say, okay, I'm going to sign this, but let's try harder next time, or if it, you know, it would be horrible. And when I mean like freak out, I mean it could get really, really bad. And so those were just some of the examples of things that she would do.
Speaker 2:But it was confusing because well, with borderline personality, I've had a lot of therapists say that they don't even take those patients because they're very hard, they don't realize that anything's wrong with them, and so that's also a struggle. I mean, even today you asked my mom. I mean she, she doesn't think anything's wrong with her, and so it's hard to navigate that getting. It's like I can't be upset with her and mad at her because it's not her fault, because she doesn't know, but at the same time I'm not going to allow you to treat me like this. I don't know if I jumped too far ahead there, but no, not at all.
Speaker 1:That's exactly right. That's the things you've had to navigate with the person, once you were able to understand that this is what you know, that this is what their, their illness is. And so, because, though the person that is normally diagnosed with borderline personality disorder shows any signs of it, part of their symptoms is that they don't have that self-awareness to really know that they're, that they're the problem, or that their actions are the problem. Everybody else is the problem, exactly. So that is very difficult. How do you actually like, how do you live with somebody like that, knowing that, on one hand, they have a problem, on the other hand, you this is not okay for a person to treat anyone like this, let alone their own child, you know, and so that is a really hard thing to battle with, but you're also, you're a child. You're starting to see these things happen. Is there any part of it where you were Started to blame yourself, like oh, I'm terrible, like started to believe essentially all of these negative things that your mom would Say when she was in that state?
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely 100%, Especially with my dad and going through the divorce. So a lot of it was you know your dad's this, your dad's done this, your dad, you know Everything was my dad's fault and he actually, you know this is the reason we're getting divorced. And so, as a child, you're sitting there going okay, wait, who do I believe? Yeah, I have my dad telling me this and I have my mom telling me this. So you're going back and forth in your head like Okay, like I don't know what, to I mean your head's just like, of course, a ball of confusion. So, but, as you know, as time went on, I started to realize I was like, okay, my dad is the more stable, he got full custody of us.
Speaker 2:I, you know, I believe what he says, but I mean still, to this day, I'll lay in bed and go. I wonder you know mom saying, you know my dad will make a silly comment or anything, and I'm like I wonder if you know what mom said was true and you kind of have to snap back and go Okay, no, because you're told that your entire life your dad did this. That you know. Yeah, and a lot of horrible accusations were made against my dad as well. So it it's.
Speaker 1:It was tough, absolutely. So you know, if you're told these things as a child and let's believe these things, those are gonna be some of like deep-rooted beliefs that you have, that you're actively, I'm sure, like even small things to this day. You're like you can probably feel it in your body when something happens, where you're like that's false. You know, that is not. That was a manufactured believe by someone who was suffering from a mental illness, but that is not right.
Speaker 2:I mean, I even went as far as Trying to look up and get all the court records. Yeah, I was like I want to see it for myself. Yeah, you know like what is true, what isn't true, wow, and I didn't end up doing it because I was like this is I. I'm not ready for that yet, but I mean, I've definitely thought about it and Maybe eventually I will, but Wow, and what about your dad?
Speaker 1:in as this was happening, he obviously or I don't know how long he was with your mom, but Was it? Did he always kind of know that she had some something that maybe?
Speaker 2:could be treated or no. I mean cuz I asked the same thing. I'm like why would you marry the woman? Me and my dad are super, super close. I know I had the same exact questions. I'm like. Like were there symptoms.
Speaker 1:We're gonna wear the signs evident or did it take sort of a breaking point?
Speaker 2:Yes, so that's what it was so they really got married because my mom got pregnant with me and you know, back in the day that's what she did. I really go through with that marriage, you do, and um, but no, she was actually a great. All my family, my dad, anyone you ask she was a awesome, great mother and I think Going through the divorce Something like you said snapped in her. I know she went through a lot during her childhood, things that she won't even talk about. She was the youngest out of three sisters so she got left in the house by herself.
Speaker 2:My grandma, my mom's mom, was An alcoholic and I didn't I don't really know my mom's side of the family that well, but I Know that she went through a lot as a child and was and didn't really have the support that I thankfully have. Because you think of that too, you're like what if I end up like this? Like what if something happens to me and I End up, you know, with borderline, like that's my biggest fear? But Through therapy and stuff, having that support and people around you and having the like, acknowledgement of knowing like that, that is something that could happen, is a lot, is a lot better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, now I Obviously that is a big part of that. That had not crossed my mind originally. So thank you for for sharing that because I think with any Anyone who has a history, you know a family history of especially more severe mental illness or some of these disorders that you don't really know a ton about and they're you know, treatment is kind of like you can try things but not a ton works. That. That that has to be a fear you know. Growing up Alk in the union, like alcoholism and all these things, like certainly an addiction, can certainly be like sort of fear driven, as a person who's like I know I have, could have the potential to To develop this well, and that's why therapy so great too.
Speaker 2:Because I mean, even to this day, like I'll, you know, be dating somebody and we get into an argument about something. And I'm like, oh my gosh, and my mom like, is this how mom would have reacted to this? And I start freaking out and scaring myself and I'm like, oh, my therapist is like, girl, that's normal, like it's a normal fight, that happens.
Speaker 1:And I'm like okay, but how I'm back to play that earth. Yeah, not most people don't go through that thought process, because most people kind of know what normal is, but the fact that that's always Going to be in the back of your head Always. And on one hand, it's good to have that self-awareness because it's possible, yes, and at least you would recognize some of these signs in you and these symptoms to say I am gonna actively work against this thing because I don't want to end up like this, right? So on one hand it's a protective factor, like it's a good thing to know, but on the other hand, it is sort of probably holding you back, making your anxiety Through the roof. So how do you find that balance occasion, um?
Speaker 2:yeah, I mean Definitely therapy. Yeah, and having someone and my dad. I talked to my dad a lot too, but I mean sometimes it can be hard to talk to my dad because as much as he I mean he went through it and and as much as he doesn't, he knows now. Because when I was younger it was the back and forth tell you around this, tell your dad this, you know, and now I mean it's not like that anymore because you realize, okay, I'm actually only hurting my child when I do that. Like this isn't helping the situation at all, I'm just hurting the child that's in the middle of this. But I mean, sometimes even his Viewpoints on things can be different. So, definitely therapy and my therapist to go you know, no, like you're not the only person in the world that deals with that, you're not the only person that has had that reaction to this Definitely really helps me a lot. I'll be in therapy for the rest of my life and I, I love it that?
Speaker 1:no, that's, that's great. I think. For some people it's a season of their life. For other people, like you, you are growing and learning and as you're doing that, you're gonna like it's so impactful to have somebody there to walk through. Maybe it's not the same therapist for forever, it's probably not. You know, there's different people at different points in our lives. But absolutely, and it's even like part of that, when, like you were talking about, oh, you're having a fight with somebody and you react in a certain way, you're immediately going to oh, there's something wrong with me, oh my, gosh.
Speaker 2:I'm like, am I a narcissist? I'm like, on Google, I'm like, do I have the symptoms of this? Like, was that narcissistic? Was this this? And I'm like, okay, I need to Relax, but I mean, it's true like it happens to me all the time, like still to this day so, yeah, how have you found that?
Speaker 1:And you don't have to answer this, you don't want to, but have you been able to share this with people you've been in Like romantic relationships with pretty openly? How do you feel about that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, I think some Well, because you know some people you date Haven't gone through Really anything and so it's harder to explain Really the whole situation and what I went through with a partner that hasn't experienced any Really tragedy yet in their lives. But I mean, I feel like I'm definitely at this point a lot more open about talking about it, and I mean definitely with my friends, yeah, and People that I'm close to. But yeah, I mean it can be hard and In romantic relationships I'm like when, when do I bring this up? Like when do I drop this bomb? You know right.
Speaker 1:So I think I feel like being able to be open with other people about, like the thoughts that are going through your head when you react a certain way, even though you reacted, probably normal. But to be able to share that takes away some of the power of you know, of those thoughts, to say I'm with, I'm in a safe space that I can Share that I just went, you know, my mind sort of spiraling for a bit, but I'm back and I'll share what happened in that moment and then hopefully they'll you know they'll well, maybe they'll either say yeah, that was a little, that was a lot, or they'll say no, that was normal. Like, I totally understand your reaction to that right, and it's sort of like, yes, surrounding yourself with people that are going to sort of confirm more of these, where these like helpful insights about yourself as opposed to anything negative which sounds like, in childhood, your mom. Consistently, we're confirming a lot of those negative beliefs, like over and over again. So it's nice to be surrounded by people that aren't, that are doing the opposite.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it sounds like your dad has always been a pretty big support system. Yeah, and I think you'd mentioned to me that he was the one that suggested therapy for the first time, because you started young, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:I was in therapy. I mean, right when my parents started getting divorced, which I was probably six, I Was already going to therapy. So and I mean, look, when I was young I did not like therapy. Yeah, I mean it was one of those like kind of get forced to go. I was like I don't want to talk to these people about this. I already have to talk to you all about it.
Speaker 2:Like what is this person gonna do? You know, you just don't really understand. You don't understand what's going on. You're put in the middle of it and now you're gonna make me go talk about it for 30 minutes to an hour with this random person? Absolutely not that. I'm not doing that and I'm very like strong, like I can be very stubborn. So I mean, there were some therapy sessions when I was younger. I remember I would literally sit there in silence and I would tell the person before I'd be like, hey, just let you know I'm not talking, I'm not saying a single word. And I like they're probably like, okay, yeah, we'll say you know, no, like I didn't after, I did not say a single word but it's like come on.
Speaker 2:I'm like, I don't like them. I'm not talking to him, mm-hmm, so. But I am so grateful that I was able to go to therapy at such a young age because I feel like that really did save me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't know where I would be if I didn't have that Starting at a young age.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, what? So that is a, I think, a good segue. What other things throughout your life? Obviously, therapy was a big part of it, but what were some, even during therapy, like what were some tools or you know, other things that you used Throughout your life, both in childhood and even now to this day is growing up and starting to recognize some of these things. What were some of those tools that you used? Or what were some of the barriers to actually like getting help and support?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So some of the things that I did were I was heavily involved in gymnastics. I started gymnastics when I was two. I was a crazy child flipping all over the house and my parents were like, alright, girl, we're putting you in gymnastics and it was, I mean, super competitive. I got really high up and it was practice every single day after school, straight from school to practice, practice all night, even in the summer. I mean, it was every single day in the summer. We're practicing. So definitely Doing sports or other things that I loved to take my mind off of what was going on in my life.
Speaker 2:I eventually switched to cheerleading and that was another really Awesome outlet for me to be able to just put my heart and soul into something that I really love to do, to get your mind off of that. And then also just confiding in other moms and you know, good friends, parents and stuff. I know one of my really good friends. I would pack a bag in the summer and be like Her parents are like, alright, you're staying with us for the summer, like come on, and so having that was really really awesome. I think it's it's super important to. It's hard, but to talk to other parents or moms that Maybe didn't go through quite the same thing as you, but are there to listen and Act as almost like a second parent to you and not judge you. Just you know, come on, girl, pack your bags where you stay in my house for the summer.
Speaker 1:I also got to. They were essentially modeling to you like you're not supposed to be treated the way you're being treated like this is actually.
Speaker 2:This is what a normal family looks like, weird, yeah, yeah. So that definitely really helped me sports and confiding in other moms and parents. And then some barriers were. So my mom, she didn't believe in therapy. Therapy doesn't help there. You know, this is silly, this is stupid. Whatever, that was definitely a barrier. So my dad would take me to therapy and then I'm pretty sure it, like the court ordered that I had to go, so then she had to bring me, but it was always so negative, you know, right, like make sure you tell the therapist this, tell the therapist this about your dad, tell her, tell the therapist that your dad did this. And so that was hard too, you know, because I'm like, okay, wait, so this is this person that I'm supposed to be confiding in and talking to, but now I'm, I need to tell the therapist these things. So I mean, going back to the confusion girl was confused.
Speaker 1:As as one would be yeah, wow, right, and so, um, at any point During this, your mom is opposed to therapy. Hmm, so she's. Did anyone recommend to her that she go to therapy, is that? Kind of where that opposition started, or is she just honestly?
Speaker 2:I, I don't know, I don't know where it came from, I don't know. Well, she had to get diagnosed by the courts right, that's what so. That would have been where she found out. Maybe she was like you're telling me I have a word of line personality disorder. No, I don't. Therapist don't exist like they. They're stupid. That probably was her thought process.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's. That's what I was wondering, like when did she, when did she get told that she has this illness and obviously she never accepted it?
Speaker 2:No, yeah, I want to say I don't know if I was still in grammar school, if I was in high school at this point. I mean, the divorce dragged out a long time and I blocked a lot of that of my brain, Like we don't need to think about this, we're going to the back. But I am working now in therapy to not like revisit these things, but more so.
Speaker 1:Process I'm gonna save in a moment.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, that's good, yeah, so that's what's so I think interesting about like your journey, or just the journey of like what it looks like, especially starting from a young age, having therapy, like the things that you explored then were all these things you can do, probably to protect yourself in that moment and as you went through your life like you still probably needed to do that there was, you know, you were still a child, right, yeah. But now that you're in a better place, that you've used all of the you know you used all these tools, you've kind of like you now understand better the things that you went through. You're both you as a person and probably, you know, with your therapist is a safe enough space to where you can go back and revisit those things and do. I mean, there's so many things, reasons why we do this right. So it could be that taking away some of that power might stop like not necessarily stop, but it might help with some of the same anxiety that you have around these negative thoughts that come up for you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I will say boundaries. Once I learned the boundaries thing Huge, huge, like very I was like, wow, I feel like a free new woman. So with my mom it was a lot of. I can control you because I still pay for things. I still pay for this. So I'm gonna control what you can do. What you can't, do you have to talk to me or I'm not gonna help you pay for this. So that was one thing that was hard, because I'm like I have to talk to her because I still need help. I mean, I'm in high school like I still need help paying for things. So it was very nice in college, like after I graduated college I got a job and then went to grad school, finished grad school and I was like ha ha, I don't have to talk to you anymore, You're not.
Speaker 2:I pay for everything by myself. I don't need you to help me with anything at this point. So if you wanna be a part of my life, you're not gonna treat me the way that you're treating me, and so really putting up that boundary was very exciting for me because I knew, once I was financially able to be on my own, that I mean and there's still that was just one aspect of how she would, you know control. But that was very freeing and I'm like I get to choose. Now it's not up to you. If we have a relationship, I can choose. Now if I wanna answer your phone call or if I wanna text you back, I don't have to because you have nothing over me at this point, and so, but then again, it's still hard because I'm like she doesn't know, she's sick. So it's really hard to balance. That, I'll say, and I think that's something that I'll probably will always just be a struggle, you know. But it is very nice to be like I'm not answering you and I don't have to answer you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what at the end of the day? I mean, boundaries are gonna be impactful for everyone, but it doesn't erase the emotions attached to them right, like it's gonna be. It's gonna be painful and uneasy, and especially in a situation like this. But I think, even just sharing that anyone who is in a relationship living with somebody who suffers from borderline personality disorder, it's very important to set those boundaries. As difficult as it be, it's really one of the only ways to be in a relationship, to have a relationship with a person who suffers from this. Absolutely. It's the back and forth between the manipulation and all of that, and if they have anything to use in that, they're gonna keep doing it Right and definitely making sure that you stand your ground.
Speaker 2:You know, if you say I'm putting up this boundary, I am not gonna speak to you, when you speak to me like that, I am not gonna talk to you and sticking to it. I know it's hard to fall back into it because they, you know, are telling you they hate you and you're the worst person in the whole world and that the meanest things you can think of. And then the next day I'm so sorry, I was just, I was stressed out. You know, I love you and it's making sure that you're like no, I'm not. No, I told you that if you spoke to me that way I would not speak to you.
Speaker 2:And so definitely like putting your foot down and sticking to that is very, very important. I remember, like even graduations I mean it's just grad school graduation I mean I was like, oh my gosh, so if my mom's there, my dad's there and I'm an adult at this point, this isn't a huge auditorium I'm like y'all, better not do anything, you know so. But it's saying you know, if you come to my graduation, if you do anything, I will not speak to you again. Yeah, and like really setting that boundary and meaning it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so hard, it is Absolutely necessary and I mean it's amazing, like for you to have come to that place, and especially with everything you've been through, like just the strength it takes to keep moving forward and to really always bring positive. You went out and sought positive things in your life to replace the negative.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:For a lot of people that's not how it goes. You know you can use really unhealthy coping mechanisms and you thankfully chose all the positive things and you did that, you know. And so you have this, like now, amazing power and strength from going through that and now even setting these boundaries, like that's something that somebody could be listening to this and say that's impossible. I can never do that. I mean, the people, please, are in me is like Right.
Speaker 2:It's hard, but now I mean and I mean I won't say that she doesn't still freak out on me, because she always will and that's something that I'll always have to deal with, but it's more so she knows that I will not answer, I will not speak to her, you know, and so it's less frequent. Yeah, yeah, you know Absolutely, which has been helpful because she knows, like I will not have a relationship with my daughter if I speak to her that way. I mean, she can't control it sometimes you know how that is, but not that you would know how that is.
Speaker 1:But I am familiar with borderline and with some of the how that comes off. So, yes, a little bit, and with that Literally, if I'm thinking about some of the people that I know that have family members that also suffer from it. It really is like boundaries is probably the biggest thing, and because that's really the, because it's you right, you have to find the things you can control about this other person, and the only thing you control is the boundaries you put in place for yourself.
Speaker 2:And you just have to remember the things that were told to you and how that upset you and how hurt you were, and knowing that in time, once you set those boundaries, it will get better, even if you know whoever it is that has borderline in your life is telling you these things I love you, I'm so sorry. I was just stressed out. You know, whatever they say, I'll send you $100. I'll buy you this. You know, and it's easy to just fall back because it's like this is my mom. Obviously I want to have a relationship with her and you know she's saying she's sorry. But just reminding yourself, I mean I have like screenshots on my phone where I'll go back and like read some of the horrible things that she said and I was like no, you can buy me whatever you want. I'm not talking to you because I know you're not going to buy me that. You're just saying that yeah, yep.
Speaker 1:No, that's exactly it. It's like if not, you'll just keep falling back into the same dangerous patterns, and even just the fact that you were able to go from like have somebody consistently throughout your life telling you these really awful things, and I'm sure it wasn't never, but to be able to now say that's them, that's not me, like that's not a reflection of me, oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2:I mean, she sends me the craziest text messages sometimes and I'm just like girl come on Like I just have to laugh at it at this point because it's like no, I know this is not true. I know that you're just mad at something and it's just scrolling past it, deleting it, not reading it, and going on finding that, finding something you love to focus on instead of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I feel like, just with the small parts of your story that you shared today, it's like you've been able to do that in so many beautiful ways and it comes through and like the way that you're able to explore these topics that I know can't be easy. But to just be able to share now and like how far you've come is really amazing.
Speaker 2:Thank you yeah.
Speaker 1:That's a lot. So is there anything else that we may have missed that you really want to share? Hmm, I know we had a conversation beforehand. I really think we really got, yeah, we really dug in here and it kind of feels like we were just having this conversation, I know. So I'm like, is there anything else?
Speaker 1:But I really think everything that you shared was like is really going to, can really like help people, even if it's not something like if they don't know somebody with borderline. I think that also sort of resonates and can and trickle out into sort of all of these different mental health issues that we might be trying to navigate, either for ourselves or with another person or both. You know having to deal with those things together. Right For me, like my depression, anxiety can really show up in relationships with other people in ways that you know. If I weren't able to open up and talk about it, it can come across as really negative and could possibly end a friendship or relationship. So even just the tools that you've shared today can help anyone who's like trying to navigate that, because that's an ongoing battle. Yeah, absolutely, I think too. It really is the choices you make.
Speaker 2:And I know that sounds like so cheesy and cliche, but you know I have a younger brother who didn't necessarily choose the right things. So me, I took all of that you know, anger and hurt and I was like I'm going to be successful, I'm going to, you know I'm going to be successful, I'm going to, you know, go to school. I'm going to go to grad school. I'm going to, you know, work a job and I'm going to. I want to keep growing, I want to keep learning and just focusing on that. Like it's very easy for people to turn to other things and make different choices, but it's just. It's so important to just find something you love and focus on that and just keep. You know, keep pushing forward and just know that doesn't always get so much better, but it does. You know, start to, you start to see like a future and you start to see the other side of things. So, yeah, and it takes work.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:A lot of work, yeah.
Speaker 2:It takes a lot of work and it's not easy, but it really is your choices. I mean you can choose to I'm going to hang out with these people and I'm going to do drugs and I'm going to drink. Or you can choose to find a group of friends that do things that you like to do and are good people, and I mean surrounding yourself with good people also, I mean you are who you surround yourself with. So I mean it's easy to just say, oh, I'm just so upset, I'm so sad, Let me just take this struggle, Let me just, you know, drink a lot, but I mean and you I mean have fun, you know, but know, like, what your goals are and where you want to be, and just try and make a choice and don't be so hard on yourself if you do make a bad choice.
Speaker 2:Because I mean, I've had moments where, like, I go out with friends and, you know, party it up I'm from New Orleans, you know but at the same time, it's like I know I have to wake up. I know I either have to go to work or have to go to class and I'm going to get this is a goal of mine to do this. So I think that's really important too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and even like what you were saying about the way that you're able to you recognize that you have a family history of borderline personality disorder and addiction.
Speaker 1:Apparently you know you know, alcohol, god knows what else right, and so part of it is accepting that this is a History of yours that could impact you. How do I make these choices throughout my life in ways that are going to Help me, you know, move forward in positive ways, opposed to a negative way? Not everyone is able to get that awareness early on, or they just ignore it and, you know, just say, well, because it's always. You know it's a, it's a history. But I think there's like there's a lot of factors that are gonna impact how you're able to move forward in life and to be able to say, well, I at least have control over this thing. I'm gonna go and make sure this part right.
Speaker 2:Good Is not an easy thing to do, but it really can set you up for a much better life moving forward and just not getting so like being so hard on you I'm still so hard on myself, but I mean, even in relationships, it's well. Did this not work out because I acted like this or you know, and you're just I Don't know. I'm hard on myself about those things, and or if I had a rough night out, or if I did something with a guy that I'm like that, why did I do that? Instead of dwelling on it and I give myself like a Few hours, I'm like alright, girl, you're gonna sit here, you're gonna be a little upset about it, it's, you're not gonna do it again. Yeah, like you regret it. Now we know we're not gonna do that. You learn your lesson, you know, and just like Moving on from it and not just staying so like I'm the worst, because it's easy to do that.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, like and and being in that mindset is only gonna lead to Finding negative things, because your brain is already on that negative loop and that's a that's a dangerous place to be on. It's really sets us up for you know, it's continuing that pattern, right? Yeah, well. Well, I for one, I'm glad you made the choice to share with us today. Thank you, I'm really, I'm really excited for everyone to hear this podcast.
Speaker 2:Thank you and please reach out to me if anybody has any questions or needs any help with anything, because I feel like I I've been through it all, so you please reach out to me. Don't yeah, don't be scared. I'm not scary, she's definitely not.
Speaker 1:I don't buy and we'll, and we'll make sure we include, like a way to get in touch with you in the show. Yeah, and everything too, thanks. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:And thank you all for listening you.
