Intimate Covenant Podcast

Have a Category-5 Sex Life: lessons from a hurricane [166]

July 15, 2024 • Intimate Covenant -- Matt & Jenn Schmidt • Episode 166

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In this episode, Matt & Jenn compare the sexual relationship to a hurricane. Sex, like a hurricane, is a powerful, God-given force. While we can’t direct the path of a hurricane, quiet the gale-force winds, or suppress the rising waters, we do have control over the effects of sex in our own marriages.

  • The forces of a hurricane are mostly destructive. But the power of sexual desire can be channeled to constructive, passionate and intimate relationship.
  • The damage of hurricane-driven wind and water is unavoidable, but the damage of poorly planned sex is entirely preventable.
  • When confronted by unexpected storms in your sex-life, use these challenges to further demonstrate your creativity and self-sacrificial love.


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  Cherishing,
  Matt & Jenn

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Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt

Speaker 1:

Hey, jen want to talk about a category five sex life.

Speaker 2:

You're a natural disaster.

Speaker 1:

Great. Today on the podcast, we're comparing your sex life to a hurricane. Let's do it. Welcome friends.

Speaker 2:

Welcome. We're Matt and Jen, and this is the Intimate Covenant.

Speaker 1:

Podcast when we believe the Bible and great married sex both belong on your kitchen table. That's right. We are talking about godly marriage with hot sex and emotionally fulfilling oneness.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for joining us as always.

Speaker 1:

thanks for joining us on the podcast. For more about Intimate Covenant, you can find out more at our website IntimateCovenantcom. And, as always, we certainly always appreciate your feedback, your comments, your suggestions. You can reach the podcast at podcast at IntimateCovenantcom.

Speaker 2:

That's right. So, matt, this past week we have survived a hurricane.

Speaker 1:

Literally, it has been a disaster, as in the natural disaster type.

Speaker 2:

The natural disaster type. We used to live in South Florida where hurricanes were a little bit more expected, but the hurricanes found us here in the Houston Texas area.

Speaker 1:

And I think, if I'm counting right, this is maybe the fifth or sixth hurricane eyewall that has gone directly over my head in my lifetime.

Speaker 2:

Oh, maybe it says something about you, Matt.

Speaker 1:

It might be something about me, but this is a good number of hurricanes that we've dealt with.

Speaker 2:

We have definitely survived a lot of them.

Speaker 1:

But after Hurricane Beryl, most of Houston and all the surrounding area has been and will continue to be without power, electricity that is, for several days.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and in Texas in July this means suffering in 90 plus degree temperatures, heat index over 100 with unbearable humidity.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's ridiculous y'all.

Speaker 2:

Ooh, you pulled out a y'all for that.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, for some, this means that we power up the generator and we gather the family into a single room. Single room yes, one single room, all of us spread out on air mattresses and whatever other mattresses we have available.

Speaker 2:

With a small window AC unit. We had some great family bonding time in the Schmidt house.

Speaker 1:

That's what we're going to call it. Others may have some generous friends who have electricity in their home who might be willing to share hot weather and creatively managed to survive without monitoring amenities like the things that we're all accustomed to, like air conditioning, internet, hot showers you know all of those things, All the things we have quickly learned this week that we were born in the correct century. I'm not sure, we would have made it.

Speaker 1:

Yes, but nevertheless we're making it, we're doing fine. Fortunately, no one that I'm aware of suffered any catastrophic damage or just had a lot of inconvenience, lots of inconvenience, for sure, but this entire experience, however, to your benefit, listeners, this entire experience prompted a couple of questions from.

Speaker 2:

we're going to call him an anonymous friend, it was a pretty great text message.

Speaker 1:

A great thread, so one of the questions is what is the etiquette for post-natural disaster sex, when you're staying at someone else's house because you have no power at your home?

Speaker 2:

And then a follow-up question If you are sharing one bedroom with your kids, because that's where the AC is, is it ethical to drug your kids so that you can have sex with your?

Speaker 1:

spouse.

Speaker 2:

Bet y'all don't get text messages like this.

Speaker 1:

You've probably never gotten that one. The other one that came through was which national weather service warnings should necessitate emergency sex so that you and your spouse are sufficiently satisfied to last through the possible natural disaster recovery period? Does this start at hurricane warnings or watches, or? Tropical storm warnings or watches, and if you can explain the difference to me between a watch or a warning, then you probably live on an ocean front somewhere. Very true, what about? But also then, what about tsunami warnings or tornado warnings?

Speaker 2:

Or just a good old thunderstorm warning or a heat advisory.

Speaker 1:

I mean, where do you draw the line there in your relationship? These are important questions that maybe you've never considered before.

Speaker 2:

Good questions that we're not actually going to answer.

Speaker 1:

We do not have the answers to these questions, but it did get me thinking. How is our sex life? Like a hurricane.

Speaker 2:

Don't y'all wonder what happens in Matt's brain to make him think that question?

Speaker 1:

Perhaps too many hurricanes going overhead.

Speaker 2:

Oh, before we hear your answer to that question, Matt, we're all anxiously awaiting the answer. A couple of announcements First. We wanted to let you all know one more time about the Kingdom Singles event we're having here in the Houston area. Um, obviously most of our events are geared towards married couples, but we do have material that we love to present to singles and we're getting to do it in our own backyard. That'll be this coming Saturday, July 20th, at four o'clock PM. We did have a venue change. It's now at a place called Sycamore Coffee Company, but every participant gets to come for free and get a specialty coffee. So I mean, how cool is that?

Speaker 1:

That's a win-win. You do have to endure sitting through listening to us talk for a few hours, but it will be fun. There will be coffee, as Jen mentioned. There will be lots of young folks to mingle with and meet.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we are nearing capacity, but we do have a little bit more room, just a little. So be sure to let your unmarried adult friends know about this event. This event is geared for 20s and 30s-ish, so the older as in, not high schoolers, not teenagers singles. The older as in not high schoolers, not teenagers singles. Pre-registration is recommended so you can find out more about the event and the form to pre-register at IntimateCovenantcom. Slash H-O-U singles.

Speaker 1:

That's right. If you have any questions, send us an email. Also big news.

Speaker 2:

Big news Drum roll that we don't have, but pretend Pretend you hear a drum roll right now. Tell us, Matt.

Speaker 1:

The retreat our annual retreat, is sold out.

Speaker 2:

Sold out Soonest ever. We have sold out the retreat. Y'all sold it out in late June.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, in June we were sold out, literally. In fact, we've sold out a couple of times because we had a cancellation, and then we had and then we sold out again, had someone jump into that from our wait list.

Speaker 2:

Yes, so, speaking of wait list, if you waited until now and you're super bummed to hear that our retreat is sold out and you still want to join us, join our wait list. Unfortunately, you never know what might happen, and so if your name is on.

Speaker 1:

There could be a natural disaster and cause some people to cancel.

Speaker 2:

Hopefully not in the Houston area anymore, but join our waitlist by signing up at our website, intimatecovenantcom. Slash retreat. That's where you go to normally register, but now you'll find a link for a waitlist there, yeah.

Speaker 1:

And not ironically, jen and I spent the last weekend mapping out all of the content and the sessions all have coming together, they all have titles, they all have that always makes us feel good when we have titles to the session. We've got titles for the sessions. We have a general idea of what we're doing and the content is starting to gel together, so we're very excited about that. We've got some sessions titled. One is titled the Responder's Dilemma.

Speaker 2:

We also have another session titled Vulnerable Pursuit.

Speaker 1:

And my favorite session title Make your Bed. I wonder what that could be about.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we hope that teases your anticipation. For those of you who are registered to come to the retreat, yeah, it's going to be great.

Speaker 1:

We're talking about learning better emotional and sexual pursuit, how to be a better pursuer. We're learning about awakening and cultivating that responsive desire.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, how to be a better responder.

Speaker 1:

And we're talking about how to overcome all forms of barriers to all forms of intimacy. So, really, looking forward to this, we're very much getting excited about the content. We think it's going to be a great set of. It's going to be another great retreat. Yeah, great retreat.

Speaker 2:

And we're starting our retreat. We always have an annual I mean a kickoff every year on Thursday night, and this year we have a special game night curated specifically for this year's marriage retreat.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, it's going to be fun, it's going to be humorous, it's going to be interactive and, should you choose, to participate, and, best part, there's going to be prizes. There are prizes.

Speaker 2:

All of our competitors and our attendees will be excited by prizes, yep Game nights centered around marital humor and comedy.

Speaker 1:

It's going to be a good time. It's going to be lots of fun.

Speaker 2:

Okay, Matt. So before we made our announcements, you proclaimed that sex is like a hurricane. So, Phyllis, how?

Speaker 1:

is sex like a hurricane. I came up with a long list and I narrowed it down to four.

Speaker 2:

Oh, thank you for narrowing it down. He's had a lot of time to think in the heat.

Speaker 1:

In the heat. So, again, heat stroke induced. Ramblings aside, we'll see what happens with this, but there's at least four ways that I came up with that compare a hurricane to our sex life. One of them is, I think importantly, that, like a hurricane, sex is better when you have prepared ahead of time.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean when you're talking about facing a hurricane. We're very blessed in this day and age that we've got a lot of prep time right as it makes its way across the ocean to us. But you don't wait to go to Walmart when the winds pick up. You don't wait to go to Walmart when the storm is already blowing in.

Speaker 1:

That's a bad idea. Don't try to go get gas. Don't try to go get water.

Speaker 2:

Don't try to go get groceries.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, when the wind is blowing, it's pretty much late in the game. Number one it's dangerous. Yeah, right, it's dangerous, and just like a hurricane, sex is messy, hurricanes are messy, and so if you prepare for that mess ahead of time, then no one has to sleep in the wet spot.

Speaker 2:

Very true Right.

Speaker 1:

Literally Right, literally. If you talk about, if we're talking about sex in this case, you know that without lube that you're going to, perhaps you could end up with all the wrong feels.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, can't always rely on your body to do what you think it should. So, yeah, having some time putting in the effort to have prepared it definitely makes sex much more enjoyable. Preparation makes living through a hurricane more enjoyable.

Speaker 1:

It certainly does. I mean, yes, there are a lot of things with hurricanes, just like with sex, that are unexpected, but there definitely are some things you you know that are going to happen and if that's the case and you prepare for those eventualities, you put yourself and your spouse in a much better position to be able to enjoy it without the mess, without the unnecessary experiences.

Speaker 2:

Right. If I wait until the last minute to get ready, then I'm unlikely to get what I need emotionally, physically or spiritually.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, exactly Again. A hurricane is also much less enjoyable without necessities like food, water, dry shelter. Yeah, it would be quite unenjoyable to sit in the middle of your driveway during a hurricane and or to starve in the days following because you did not make preparation. And, just in a similar manner, sex itself is far less enjoyable without things like anticipation and arousal and desire. And so, if you're waiting until you're in the moment to start thinking about, oh, how am I going to try to enjoy this or how am I going to get through this? It's a little late.

Speaker 2:

Well, I think we have allowed, you know, Hollywood, Satan, whatever you want to call it to sell us the lie.

Speaker 1:

Is that the same?

Speaker 2:

thing it might be To sell us the lie that you know sex is just this spontaneous thing that just happens. But that's not reality. That is not true. And sex you might have sometimes in your marriage where you think that it was spontaneous, as you say, matt, all the time. It was never actually spontaneous. Somebody planned something right. But if you together, as a couple, put in the time to prepare for sex, whether that's getting yourself in that place emotionally and mentally, if you're a responder, taking the time to actually think about sex, to actually warm yourself up, you know, as in dwelling on how do I want to spend this special time with my beloved. That is very different than 1030 pm after a long, hard day.

Speaker 2:

Hey, babe, you wanna you know, you're going to respond in a very different way, and so right. Putting in the time to actually be able to anticipate sex makes it a much different experience.

Speaker 1:

Oh, by far Much more enjoyable for everyone. And again, just like hurricanes, sex doesn't come out of nowhere. Right, you have time, you certainly have the option, in fact, for sex. You know when it's going to happen. You can at least know when it's going to happen. You can make preparation accordingly, you know. Plus, if I wait until the last minute to prep for a hurricane, then I'm not going to be in any kind of position to be able to help my neighbors and friends. If I'm waiting until the day of, or hours before, to start boarding my windows or gathering the things in off the porch, or going to get food and water or whatever other supplies, then I'm not in a position to go make sure that my neighbors have what they need, my friends, my family, to make sure that others have what they need. I am only then, in that moment, self-focused.

Speaker 1:

Likewise with sex if I don't prepare myself ahead of time, and likewise with sex if I don't prepare myself ahead of time, then I'm going to have less ability to offer my energy and my passion to my spouse.

Speaker 2:

Oh good, we're going with spouse, not neighbors. I was just making sure the analogy ended in the right place there. Okay, yes, I'm with you, matt.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we're going to have to be careful about our analogy. I guess, just like any analogy, it can maybe go too far.

Speaker 2:

But I get your point, though, if, if it's, if there's no prep, then it's simply all about me and how I feel in that exact moment, for good or for bad, right, it's all about me. But with the right amount of prep and just getting our bodies and our minds and every other aspect of our married sex life ready for this experience together, then we are that much more able to care more about what our spouse thinks and feels and what they're experiencing than just simply I'm out to get what I want out of this experience.

Speaker 1:

Precisely Again I'm with you, matt.

Speaker 2:

Look at me, I'm following along.

Speaker 1:

Are you getting the analogy? I mean, I am Okay, so that was the first one.

Speaker 2:

Sex and hurricanes better when you've prepared Okay.

Speaker 1:

Where do we go next? All right, so also like a hurricane we go next, all right.

Speaker 2:

So, also like a hurricane, sometimes sex requires you to change your plans. Oh, now, this is a good one. All of us in Houston know this. Meteorologists are not gods and they often get the forecast wrong. Yep, for instance, a week before, maybe days even a few days.

Speaker 2:

For instance, a week before, maybe days, even a few days, even a few days before, this hurricane made landfall. This was not a Houston storm. This was a Texas-Mexico borderline storm, maybe a Corpus Christi storm, and then it all of a sudden became a Houston storm, with the eye of this hurricane going. The eye of this hurricane going. I mean, they could not have drawn a more perfect if you will line across the most populated areas of the Houston metropolitan area.

Speaker 1:

Yes, all of Southeast Texas sure.

Speaker 2:

Direct hit, but that was not what was supposed to be happening right.

Speaker 1:

That was not in the forecast three or four days ahead of time. Yeah, so I'm with you on hurricanes often required you to have to change your plan. So again, life often throws curve balls into the bedroom as well. Yeah, and that's a metaphor probably for most of us. I don't know what you guys do in your bedroom, but we don't have, we're not playing catch generally.

Speaker 2:

Oh you're, you're scaring me here, but we're not playing catch generally. Oh you're scaring me here, honey, but I can say things like illness, children, even natural disasters themselves. Literally everything that affects your life can and probably will affect your sex life.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely you cannot divorce your sex life from the rest of what's happening life. Absolutely you cannot divorce your sex life from the rest of what's happening. And so everything that happens and causes unexpected stress or trauma or just requires your energy in some way, anything that is turning your attention away from your relationship, is going to have a negative impact on your sex life. So that causes us then to it forces us really to change our expectations in many cases, or at least, if we don't change our expectations in some cases, we're going to be even more disappointed with that outcome. Now, some challenges are short term. Right. You get the flu. That's going to change your life for a few days, but that's not going to really change your life, right. But if you get cancer, that's a bigger issue, that's a bigger deal. That's going to really substantially impact your life, and certainly your sex life, for a long time.

Speaker 1:

So these are, you know, financial devastations or, you know, losing your job or whatever it is. All of these things cause you to change your plans, and I mean like change your life plans in, like how and where you live and what you do on a day-to-day basis. But they are also going to change your plans in the bedroom as well, yeah, and that has to be considered. That said, anytime there is a change of plans, this, the bright side, is that this is an opportunity for creativity, right? So how many folks spent the last several days without power, sitting in their homes being miserable and being angry and being resentful about that circumstance? And how many families spent that time doing things and taking advantage of the time that they would not have otherwise had to be together and certainly not otherwise have had to be together, doing things to build and strengthen their relationship?

Speaker 2:

Sure, I mean, I think we all learned this during the pandemic, right, Especially if we had some forced family time that we were not anticipating. That presents an opportunity, and so what are you going to do with that? Are you you know? Are you going to let it derail everything, or are you going to see that as an opportunity to co-create something you hadn't planned on, but something maybe even better than what you had? Many, many people learned through the pandemic the importance of family time that they simply had not put in the effort to have. You know, I think we all learned a lot of lessons.

Speaker 1:

So well, yes, and a lot of us learn the lessons and then we forget them pretty quickly.

Speaker 2:

Well, that is very true, Right. So learning to see this change, this force changed in your plan as a place in which you could potentially create something even better than what you had, man, that's a paradigm shift. That's a hard mental shift to make.

Speaker 1:

It is. It is, certainly it is. All of us have difficulty with this. Sometimes it's really difficult to see the bright side of a terrible situation and it's easy to lose sight of that, especially if it's something that's really substantially impactful, and more impactful than just some bad weather for a short time or losing electricity for a few days. But, for example, you know, if your, if illness or whatever has caused you to have to have sex in a new way, try to find meaning in the relationship that you are able to build from this and the co-creativity, so to speak. Find meaning in that rather than in the sex position. That's the thing, because suffering together, regardless of what you're going through, suffering together with someone else, especially with your covenant bound beloved, suffering together is far better than just having to do it alone.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, all right, whoa, that one got deep there, matt.

Speaker 1:

Wow, didn't really think we'd be going there. This was supposed to be a light and fun episode, but uh, let's see if we can change it a little bit. So like a hurricane. Also like a hurricane, sex will reveal your weaknesses.

Speaker 2:

That is yeah, true, True, right.

Speaker 1:

I mean the force of a hurricane will reveal weaknesses in the most catastrophic ways. Right, if your home, if your trees, if your power grid are not strong enough, the natural forces of a hurricane will cause serious damage.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we were driving around here this weekend with the kids in the car and just commenting like why does that tree fall over versus that tree? You know like what you would have previously looked at these two big, strong, seemingly healthy trees standing side by side and think they're both equally great and fine, and there's trees toppled over that have survived other hurricanes. Right. So what caused that tree versus that tree to fall, and what about?

Speaker 1:

these circumstances caused this tree to fall over, even though it has survived for hundreds of years, in some cases Right so yeah, it's definitely got to reveal the weaknesses, and all of us that are with we're without power.

Speaker 2:

we have learned some lessons about the weaknesses in the Houston Power Grid.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 2:

We won't go there on this episode.

Speaker 1:

But in the same way, the force of sexual desire and the forces of sexual relationship are immensely powerful and to that point, most couples are going to experience conflict in their relationship over sexual issues, because sex is such an integral and powerful part of who we are individually and it's an incredibly powerful part of who we are as a married couple.

Speaker 1:

And so then the issues in your relationship that have not been dealt with are often going to be manifested as sexual conflict conflict. So if you have issues individually or as a couple, with sexual shame or previous trauma or unresolved conflict in your relationship, and even if these issues are maybe even seemingly unrelated to sex, the issues that you have not dealt with are going to manifest as barriers to your sexual relationship. So I guess a simple summary of this is if you are having trouble in the bedroom, you often need to start looking outside the bedroom for some of those solutions. The answer sometimes to decrease sexual frequency in your relationship is not that you need to start having more sex right away. That may be part of the solution, but ultimately it might point to the fact that there is some unresolved issues in most other places in your relationship that have not been dealt with.

Speaker 2:

Right, it's not about the sex positions, it's not about the frequency. It's not about the sex positions. It's not about the frequency. It's often. You know, your conflict in regards to your sexual relationship with your beloved is almost always tied to something that's happening outside your bedroom, absolutely. A lot of us are afraid to look outside the bedroom for the answer.

Speaker 1:

Well, we're just afraid to deal with it altogether. We feel like we can just, you know, manage or ignore the fact that it's our sex life, because that's, you know, that's not the most important part. We're just happy we're together and we're raising these kids and trying to survive, and so we don't, in the moment, pay a lot of attention. I mean, sex is often the first thing that deteriorates in many relationships. In fact, many relationship experts refer to sex as the barometer of the status of the marriage.

Speaker 2:

But I think so many of us have, you know, mistakenly believed that sex is that icing on the cake, right, and? And that sex exists like separate from everything else, right? So we have sex or we don't have sex but it's not actually tied to all the rest of our relationship. Or that we can have this great relationship but we just don't have sex as much as we should, but that's totally separate. Yeah, well, it'll be fine.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we'll figure that out later, when kids are grown up, or when the kids leave, or when we finally get in the next stage of our marriage or the next stage of our lives.

Speaker 1:

we'll get it figured out whether that's a lack of frequency, a lack of passion, a lack of interest, wherever that crack is in your sexual relationship is quickly going to spread and fissure the emotional and the mental and the spiritual aspects of your relationship as well. You can't just put your sex life in a box under the bed and hope that all of that broken, shattered sex life is not going to impact the rest of you. It is the rest of you, it is. It's simply a manifestation of the status of everything else.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and that's why it's so important to be attuned to your sexual relationship. I mean, it's an obvious place to measure the overall quality of your relationship and that requires some introspection. You know you have to be willing to address and stay attuned to the health of your sexual relationship.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, I mean. This, I think, also emphasizes this recommendation that you must be willing to address sexual difficulties early in your relationship or early when you notice them. Don't wait until your sex life is in shambles, because it's going to be so much harder to pick up those pieces when everything is crashing around you.

Speaker 1:

Right you Right? I mean, think of it this way, like which one of the structural beams in your house would you prefer to remove before you face a hurricane? Which one, which one are you willing to sacrifice? Hopefully, none of them, right, and the same is true. I mean, your sex life is not like the valuable things that are in your safe, locked away. I mean your sex life is part of your marriage. That is holding up the house. It is part of that structural integrity. It's not just the paint color, okay, it is something far more integral to the structural integrity of your entire relationship.

Speaker 2:

Sex is not the paint color. We could do a follow-up episode of comparing sex to how our homes are built. Man, you're pulling out the great metaphors here Matt.

Speaker 1:

Good metaphors and bad metaphors for sex. There you go. That's maybe another episode.

Speaker 2:

Okay, you have one more. Okay, one more.

Speaker 1:

I promised you four.

Speaker 2:

So, like a hurricane, like a hurricane, sex is an opportunity to demonstrate the best or worst of yourself. When there were tree limbs everywhere, power out, high floodwaters, little to no, cell phone and internet service, closed restaurants, grocery stores closed, incredibly long lines at gas stations that were actually open, it was a lot to deal with, and people's reaction to these hardships quickly and loudly revealed their character.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely. I mean, some people responded like heroes by coming to the aid of their neighbors and sacrificing their own conveniences in order to make sure that other people had what they needed, and others, maybe most responded by complaining, by hoarding and behaving in every other conceivable selfish manner.

Speaker 2:

I mean, if you want to see the opportunity for selfish behavior to be displayed, just drive up to a four-way intersection of a major road when the traffic light is out of power. I think we all have to in the Houston area collectively. We should all have to go through driver's ed again, because we just finished teaching our last one to drive. What's the number one thing you teach your new driver? When it comes to approaching an intersection where the light is out, treat it like a four-way stop.

Speaker 1:

Y'all Houston better be learning that lesson, but the problem is we don't know how to take turns.

Speaker 2:

We don't know how to share. That became very obvious, quite obvious how to take turns.

Speaker 1:

We don't know how to share. That became very obvious, Quite obvious. So you know, does my sex life in this case? So the question I would ask is does my sex life reveal or demonstrate that I am a selfish person, or that I am a selfish, self-less person?

Speaker 2:

I don't know what I just said. You got it Selfish, or selfless? Yes, yeah.

Speaker 1:

I was trying to differentiate them and I forgot which one I was on Again. So, like a hurricane and a natural disaster is like a sociologist's dream for evaluating human behavior, especially in group settings. Your sex life is also a place where your character is clearly revealed.

Speaker 2:

On display. I mean, sex is incredibly vulnerable and we don't often focus on that, you know. Think about asking ourselves these big questions like how do I react when I get rejected? How do I react when my spouse expresses desires or needs that are outside of my comfort zone?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, how do I react when my spouse has a performance issue? Or how do I react when I have a performance problem issue? Or how do I react when I have a performance problem, when things don't go the way that I want them to go, or the way my spouse wanted them to go. How are we reacting in that circumstance?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, how do I communicate that I'm not in the mood? How do I communicate that I'd like to have sex? I mean, how do you communicate with your spouse about sex?

Speaker 1:

What means and methods am I using to communicate that? Are they ways that demonstrate selfishness or selflessness? Is my spouse satisfied with our sexual frequency or variety?

Speaker 2:

Ooh, and if you think you know the answer to this, you should ask, because you need to make sure you know your spouse's answer to this question and, frankly, responders and pursuers need to be carefully answering this question.

Speaker 1:

Yeah because it could be too much, it could be too little, it could be not. You know whatever and you don't know unless you're asking. You don't know how that's coming across, you don't know what you're communicating to your spouse, unless you're asking.

Speaker 2:

Well and really the big question is is our sex life increasing or decreasing the level of connection in our marriage? Because, again, that's the whole point of married sex it's a place of a deep and real connection, yes, physically, but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually. So is our sex life doing that? Are we more connected after sex or less?

Speaker 1:

Love it. So, Jen, are you winded after this hurricane sex special episode? You're so good man.

Speaker 2:

I've learned a lot about sex and hurricanes this week, Well, just you know a different way to think about it.

Speaker 1:

I hope, and hopefully something a little bit more lighthearted, given the gravity of some of the things that we faced here locally. There are definitely so many more humorous but practical comparisons between hurricanes and our sex lives.

Speaker 2:

Oh, and Matt would love to hear them, I'm sure Well.

Speaker 1:

I mean we probably should have worked in some analogies about storm surge or after storm cleanup bad forecasts, leaky roofs, failed storm shutters I cannot imagine Fallen trees. I mean there's a lot of ways we could have gone.

Speaker 2:

You could have gone a lot of ways and you would have needed a new co-host to go to some of the places I think you could have gone. So you let us know. What else should Matt have added to his list? We'd love to hear what you might have come up with when comparing sex and hurricanes.

Speaker 1:

You can email the show podcast at intimatecovenantcom. We would love to hear your feedback.

Speaker 2:

I'm going to cut you off here, Matt, and ask you for the wrap up.

Speaker 1:

Sex, like a hurricane, is a powerful God-given force. While we can't direct the path of a hurricane, quiet the gale force winds or suppress the rising waters, we do have control over the effects of sex in our own marriages. The winds of a hurricane are mostly destructive, but the power of the sexual desire can be channeled to constructive, passionate and intimate relationship. The damage of a hurricane-driven wind and water is unavoidable, but the damage of poorly planned sex is entirely preventable. And finally, when confronted by unexpected storms in your sex life, use these challenges to further demonstrate your creativity and self-sacrificial love.

Speaker 2:

Now it's time to grab your spouse and your Bible and head to the kitchen table to have the conversation about the power of sex in your relationship. What are you going to do to avoid the destructive effects and channel the power of sex in order to co-create powerful intimacy in your marriage?

Speaker 1:

We would love to hear your feedback. Contact us by emailing podcast at intimatecovenantcom or to submit anonymous feedback, go to our website, intimatecovenantcom. Slash podcast.

Speaker 2:

Thanks to all of you for listening, subscribing, rating and sharing the podcast. We're truly humbled by all your encouragement and support. Thanks especially to our Patreon subscribers for coming alongside us in a very real way. If Intimate Covenant has blessed your marriage, we'd love to have you join us too. Subscribe at patreoncom. Slash intimate covenant.

Speaker 1:

Until next time, keep striving and don't settle.