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Intimate Covenant Podcast
Intimate Covenant Podcast
How does sex glorify God? Retreat Q&A [168]
This episode is an excerpt from the live Q&A session at the 2024 Annual Marriage Retreat. We’re sharing our response to the following question: “Can you go into further detail on how the act of sex can glorify God?” We’re also sharing our responses to questions about sex toys, solo masturbation, modeling a healthy sexual relationship for your kids, and when to talk to your kids about pornography.
We also want to thank the sponsors of this year's Retreat:
- Married Dance
- Coconu
- The Dating Divas
- Honoring Intimates
- Ginger & Peach
- Ultimate Intimacy
- Show Her Off
- The Adventure Challenge
- J. Parker
Please support these affiliate companies that support Intimate Covenant:
- Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29
We’re a Christian-friendly, marriage-centered sex toy and marital aid store for couples that’s nudity-free.
Shop from this link for special savings and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant. - Coconu — https://www.coconu.com
Coconu is committed to helping people lead healthier, happier lives by offering 100% safe and organic personal care products.
Your purchase helps support Intimate Covenant AND you get 15% OFF. Coupon Code: intimateconvenant - Dating Divas — https://thedatingdivas.myshopify.com?sca_ref=6278443.H6eWDeXGfx
Strengthening marriages one date at a time.
Shop from this link and your part of your purchase will help support Intimate Covenant. Check out their Sexy Subscription Boxes! - Honoring Intimates — https://www.honoringintimates.com/?ref=INTIMATECOVENANT
Modest and classy premium lingerie, model-free.
Get 20% off and support Intimate Covenant with your purchase. - Ginger & Peach — https://www.gingerandpeachlingerie.com/
Ginger & Peach lingerie is a Christian husband and wife owned brand bringing classy, model-free lingerie to the market.
Get 10% off your order and support Intimate Covenant with code: “INTIMATECOVENANT"
To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com
Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!
Cherishing,
Matt & Jenn
PS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God’s plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.
Join us at Patreon: www.patreon.com/intimatecovenant
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www.intimatecovenant.com
Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt
Hey, jen, how are you feeling after the 2024 Annual Marriage Retreat? Elated and exhausted, great. Today on the podcast, we're sharing an excerpt from the live Q&A at the 2024 Marriage Retreat, including our answer to this question how does the act of sex glorify God? Let's do it. Welcome friends, welcome. Hey, we're Matt and Jen. This is the Intimate Covenant podcast, where we believe the Bible and great married sex. Both belong on your kitchen table, that's right. We are talking about godly marriage. We're talking about hot sex in that godly marriage and emotionally fulfilling oneness. That's right. We are so glad that you're with us.
Speaker 2:Thanks for being here. Thanks for joining us. If you'd like to find out more about us, you can look at our website, intimatecovenantcom, and if you would like to have a voice on this podcast, we'd love to hear from you. You can email us at podcast at intimatecovenantcom.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so glad to have you with us, and you are here for a very special episode. This is our annual sharing of the retreat. We just finished our 2024 retreat. For those of you listening who were there with us, hello, yes, hello. We miss you already. It was such a special weekend.
Speaker 2:So many special couples, some regulars that show up every year and lots of brand new faces, lots of new faces yeah, I think I counted and we had about half and half Half people that were returning, had come to previous retreats and half newbies, and we loved it. We squeezed in 51 couples, which is the max capacity for the room that we have held the retreat in for the past five years. It was our seventh retreat, our fifth year at the current location, and who knows where we're going next.
Speaker 1:Who knows? Yeah, we're touring some spaces in the next few weeks, so we'll see. But today's episode is an excerpt from the Q&A session from that recent annual marriage retreat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we always film a live Q&A there, which is a lot of fun. Normally you and I are just sitting here in front of podcast microphones with nobody staring at us, but at the retreat we do the Q&A session and we film it, record it so that we can share it here on the podcast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a different experience when we're asking and responding to questions as they are being asked, but it's also a fun time. We're going to share our response to one of those questions, which is can you go into further detail on how the act of sex can glorify God?
Speaker 2:I thought that was a great question. I really liked digging into that one, and we're also going to share responses to questions we got about sex toys. And we're also going to share responses to questions we got about sex toys solar I can never say that solo masturbation.
Speaker 1:Not doing it in the sun, but rather doing it by yourself.
Speaker 2:Modeling a healthy sexual relationship for your kids and when to talk to your kids about pornography. A couple of kid questions in there. We're always like we're not a parenting resource, but we sort of are when it comes to how do we do this as parents? How do we model this? Well? So we had some great questions. How many questions did we get in total? I?
Speaker 1:think there were over 45 questions that were asked.
Speaker 2:Y'all, we got enough material for another three years worth of podcast.
Speaker 1:We got to 10 of those questions that we were able to answer live, and the rest we'll just have to save. We're going to share five of those questions with you today and maybe we'll share the other five at some other point.
Speaker 2:We got lots more to come up yes. So we had a great great time at the retreat. If you missed it, you missed an amazing weekend.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure. Amazing weekend. Amazing people Felt like the content really hit home for a lot of them. We really forced a lot of, I think, valuable conversations.
Speaker 2:I like how you say forced. We did, force we do like we call it, couples conversation, and so throughout our sessions, we'll have the couples break off and spend 10, 15 minutes discussing some very targeted questions. So, yeah, yeah, we're forcing you to talk to your beloved. How dare we?
Speaker 1:Yes, well, in either event, we had a great time. We certainly enjoyed our time, and I think everyone else enjoyed their time.
Speaker 2:And if you missed it and you want to come next year, we are going to do it again.
Speaker 1:Jen, has you heard it here live? Jen has agreed to do this again.
Speaker 2:We're working on finalizing some details regarding location and dates, but targeting the end of September, like we have had it for the last seven years.
Speaker 1:Seven years.
Speaker 2:We're almost always the fourth weekend in September, so go ahead and pencil it into your calendars.
Speaker 1:Pencil it in.
Speaker 2:But really put in ink on your calendars that registration will open on Valentine's Day, february 14th 2025.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you definitely want to mark that in your calendars, because we have sold out now at least the last three or four years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and this year, and we keep selling out earlier and earlier. We were sold out by June this year. Now we had a couple of cancellations and then people we could get in off of our wait list. But if you want to come you got to make your plans to register in the springtime.
Speaker 1:We would hate to put you on the waitlist.
Speaker 2:That's right, all right. So before we share our Q&A, though, we do want to take this opportunity to thank some of the companies that helped sponsor the retreat.
Speaker 1:Yes, we couldn't do this without, we couldn't make it as special as fun without these sponsors, and we want to start out by listing our affiliate sponsors. These are brands who have partnered with Intimate Covenant to provide great products and to enhance marriages, products that enhance covenant sex. These are brands who have agreed and partnered with us so that when you purchase from these brands, when you use our special links or our special discount codes, your purchase helps to support our mission at Intimate Covenant, to help to spread God's word about godly sex and holy covenant marriage.
Speaker 2:All of these great companies also help to support the retreat by providing door prizes and contributions to the gift bags. We always do welcome gift bags for our guests and we provide that to all of our guests, and so we're just really thankful for these companies. We would only ever sponsor with a company that has obviously the same mindset as we do that sex is for marriage and we want to be promoting companies that promote the covenant of marriage and sex and the sanctity. We're not looking to promote companies that you know turn sex into what God has not made it to be Precisely so.
Speaker 1:These companies all do that, and they certainly align with the principles that we think should govern our decisions about how we go about finding these products and how we go about supporting them. So, all of these companies, you can find their links on our show notes for each of these episodes, and so we certainly encourage you to take advantage of that. The first company is Married Dance. Married Dance has partnered with us for a long time, and I think they've been a sponsor for pretty much every retreat. If I'm not mistaken, they have been.
Speaker 2:They're our longest sponsor. Mary Dance is a Christian-friendly, marriage-centered sex toy and marital aid store for couples, and that store is nudity-free on their website, so safe shopping. They're going to be promoting products that are designed to be used together as a couple and displaying them in a way that you would be comfortable to look at, and they will mail them to you in a way that you're comfortable to receive.
Speaker 2:In other words, a very discreet package. Nobody needs to know what's on your front doorstep and if you shop from our link for special savings and part of your purchase will then support Intimate Covenant, like Matt said previously, Yep.
Speaker 1:Another sponsor that has also partnered with us for a couple of years is Coco New. Coco New is committed to helping people lead healthier, happier lives by offering 100% safe and organic personal care products. Yeah, particularly yes, they have a line of personal lubricants, both coconut oil-based as well as water-based.
Speaker 2:We are big proponents of lube.
Speaker 1:You know that.
Speaker 2:And we want you, using the lube, make your time comfortable for everybody. Coco New is a great company doing a lot of good work within supporting marriages, and so your purchase through our link helps support Intimate Covenant and you get 15% off by using the coupon code Intimate Covenant. So go get yourself some new lube. Everybody needs new lube.
Speaker 1:Take advantage. Another company that has also again partnered with us for a number of years now and we've partnered actually with them on a couple of yeah, it's reciprocal yeah a couple of different projects. That company is Dating Divas, strengthening marriages, one date at a time.
Speaker 2:Dating Divas is such a fun website. Somebody at the retreat mentioned to me that it's like falling down. You know the little, the rabbit, what's it called? A rabbit hole rabbit trail, rabbit trail, whatever that metaphor is. That's what it's like when you go into the Dating Divas website. There are so many creative things to look at, to contemplate.
Speaker 1:Just a lot of really smart people that have put together a lot of fun things.
Speaker 2:If you shop from our link, part of your purchase will again help support Intimate Covenant, and so we would love for you to do that. But we particularly want to tell you about a new product to Dating Diva, and that is called the Sexy Subscription Boxes. Oh, I'm intrigued. These are fun. They sent us an example, one that we actually gave out as a door prize at our retreat. Lots of fun. Sexy Subscription is a quarterly bedroom box, so every three months, dating Divas will send the couples a discreet box Again no label on the outside of the box to give it away. Within that discreet box is something new to try in the bedroom together, and it's not just products, but it's like this full packaged sexy date with activities that are meant to help you connect emotionally and sexually.
Speaker 2:And so it's again, it's not just products, it's it's like an entire experience.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and it's fun because, in this case, both of you are going to be surprised by what's in the box, right? So it's not like one of you. Both of you are going to be surprised by what's in the box, right? So it's not like one of you picked something out to give as a gift. Both of you are going to be surprised. It's an easy way, then, to add some excitement and some playfulness which who doesn't need more playfulness in their lives? Playfulness back into the bedroom, and it helps to create just these sexy date ideas.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you can use them just in the privacy of your own bedroom. You can take them with you to a hotel, right? Lots of different ways to use them, but we think the sexy subscription is a really fun new product from Dating Divas.
Speaker 1:Excellent, excellent idea, and Dating Divas does everything so well. You will not be disappointed.
Speaker 2:All right. And then a new to us sponsorship affiliate is Honoring Intimates. They provide modest and classy premium lingerie model free. So this is again a website that you can go to feel comfortable at looking at their lingerie. You're not going to see what you don't need to be seeing it's displayed on mannequins, not on live people. Yeah, and Honoring Intimates is all about promoting sex within marriage, and so if you use our link, you will get 20% off and you'll be supporting Intimate Covenant. So great way to get yourself some new lingerie.
Speaker 1:Sounds like a win-win.
Speaker 2:But another lingerie company we also want to promote. We're all about promoting multiple lingerie companies.
Speaker 1:The more choices, the better, in my mind, you need a lot of good, cute lingerie pieces right?
Speaker 2:Another company, it's called Ginger and Peach. I love the name. I know, isn't it cute? Ginger and Peach? Ginger, ginger and peach lingerie is a Christian husband and wife owned brand and they also are working to bring classy, model free lingerie to the market. Beautiful, beautiful pieces and you can get 10% off of your order and support Intimate Covenant with the code Intimate Covenant.
Speaker 1:So we definitely want to encourage you to check out those affiliates Again. You can find those links in the show notes. Please feel free to take advantage of that. The savings, and we certainly would appreciate your support in that. We certainly also want to mention some of the other retreat sponsors who are not affiliates necessarily, but they are also big supporters.
Speaker 2:Big supporters and we're incredibly generous providing stuff for our retreat attendees, both for the door prize and for the welcome bag Ultimate Intimacy. We've been big fans of Ultimate Intimacy for a long time.
Speaker 1:You've heard us support them here in the past.
Speaker 2:That's right, and so thank you, ultimate Intimacy for your support. A new to us company, show Her Off, which is an online dance classes that you can take from the privacy of your bedroom with your beloved, and they donated a free dance course.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a great option to learn to move and to be physically and even emotionally engaged with your spouse. So, thank you to Show Her Off.
Speaker 2:And then the Adventure Challenge. They are makers of some really fun scratch-off books a whole variety of ones, but particularly they have a couple's edition scratch-off date adventure book and then an in-bed scratch-off adventure book, and now they have cards little mini cards yes, scratch-off cards for mini dates.
Speaker 1:So lots of fun. Connection cards Great stuff, Great stuff. Check out the adventure challenge.
Speaker 2:And then, last but not least, our good friend Jay Parker at Hot Holy, humorous. Jay's always great at sending us a few books that we love to give out. If you've not read the Hot Holy and Humorous blog or the book by the same name, jay has a whole selection of different books, but particularly Hot Holy and Humorous. Highly recommend that book. We love Jay Parker. She came and was a guest speaker at our retreat a couple of years ago and just a really good author. We love pointing people her direction.
Speaker 1:Thank you, jay, for that donation and, as always, for your support. We certainly appreciate that. Before we get into the Q&A, we also should give a shout out to our friend Jacob Mock. Jacob handled all of the audio tech setup this year to make sure that we sounded great at the live event, but also made sure that the recording quality was perfect.
Speaker 2:We're so excited about this.
Speaker 1:Jacob.
Speaker 2:Jacob is really good at all things tech and he finally convinced you, Matt, to let him help, and we're so thankful that you said yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, if you've heard previous episodes with our live Q&As, you know, you will immediately know that this recording that Jacob got for us is light years better than what we have gotten in the past at live events. So again, thank you, jacob.
Speaker 2:Big thank you, jacob. Thank you for making the weekend less stressful for Matt and just overall it was great.
Speaker 1:Just better in general.
Speaker 2:Very thankful. All right, matt. So that goes through all of the beginning stuff, because we've got to do all of our shout outs. But now let's get to the Q&A.
Speaker 1:Let's do it. What are your thoughts on sex toys? Does it say anything about the quality of your sex life if you use them? Does it say anything good or bad about your relationship if you do or do not use sex toys in your sex life? I think that's a good question because we do have sponsors, folks that provide door prizes or other sponsorships, companies from sex toy makers and distributors, lingerie makers, distributors, dancing lessons, all these other lubricants, that sort of thing, lubricants, that sort of thing, All of those things I should say none of those things are necessary for an outstanding, amazing sex life. Some folks find them helpful, Some folks find them aversive, and that's they're not in the of themselves, right or wrong, Like we talked about, If they become a substitute for your spouse or if they become something that is an obsession or there's pressure to use them or not use them. If they are, as we like to say, these things can be either a barrier or a bridge to connection. Depends on how you use them and what you use them for in your relationship.
Speaker 2:So I think, something like specifically the question asked about sex toys. I think there's a lot of shame and maybe some justified shame. Some sex toys are meant for connection and others are not, and so even that broad category of marital aids it depends. So we are never prescribing for your marriage what we think you should do and, frankly, you're never going to know what it is that we do or do not have in our marriage bed. We are simply here to start the conversation within your marriage about what is available when it comes to these outside resources. In addition, we want to help provide for you places that are safe to shop. We would not encourage you to go into these stores that are along the highway and you see billboards for, because within those shops are going to be a whole lot of things that do not promote the sanctity of covenant love and the holiness of what should be in your marriage bed, and so our aim is to always provide for you a safe place to shop if you want to shop.
Speaker 2:Now, that said, we're here to say there doesn't need to be shame wrapped up unnecessarily and there can be a lot of good If you are a wife that has a very difficult time experiencing orgasm, very difficult time experiencing orgasm, a marital, you know? Some sorts of sex toys can more easily help you experience that. Now, your goal isn't that. Your goal is connection. But if you feel like that's missing in your marriage, then we would encourage you to maybe consider adding that in. That said, we would always encourage that this should be something that happens with the two of you present and together. Again, like Matt said earlier, this is never meant to be a substitute for your spouse.
Speaker 1:And these don't make good Mother's Day gifts Pursuers.
Speaker 2:This isn't what she wants with her breakfast and bed tray that the kids made.
Speaker 1:If you are going to surprise your spouse with a gift like this, you better be dead on absolutely sure that that is something that she would want, which means you better have already had a conversation, precisely dead on absolutely sure that that is something that she would want.
Speaker 2:Which means you better have already had a conversation.
Speaker 1:Precisely.
Speaker 2:So if this isn't already a part of your marriage, do not say Matt and Jen said we should get this and by the way, surprise, here it is.
Speaker 1:You can blame us for a lot of things. You cannot blame us for that fight.
Speaker 2:That is on you.
Speaker 1:All right. One of the constant themes of the podcast and presentations is no solo masturbation. This is not a command or prohibit, or prohibit Sorry, prohibition, thank you From Scripture other than if it involves desire for someone, not spouse. If the sole object of fantasy is spouse, who is sexually unavailable and physical release avoids temptation, why not? I guess first I want to start with my spouse is physically unavailable. I think we have a misconception that if my spouse is not up for intercourse, then then that's the only option that we have. That's the only option that I have for sex, because we've limited the definition of sex. We've limited it to include only intercourse, and I would suggest to you that sex looks like a lot of different things.
Speaker 1:Sex is the physical engagement of two individuals for the purpose of pleasure and connection. So to be physically unavailable in my mind would only mean that they are like physically, not in the room. But even then, you know we live in a world with technology where most of us could call or FaceTime our spouse at any point, anytime, anywhere, no matter where we are. It's not possible for everyone under every circumstance, but I would suggest to you that your spouse is physically available more times than we might my. My suggestion would be if I'm going to, if I'm looking for sex, I would challenge you to dig down about what are you actually looking for. Are you looking for sex or are you looking for release? Those are two different things. And if all that I'm looking for to satisfy myself is release, you've missed the big purpose of sex.
Speaker 1:The purpose of sex is not for my own personal pleasure. That's why God limits the sexual relationship to the covenant of marriage. That is implicit in the idea of sex. It is a way that we know and be known. That's why the Bible uses. When the Bible talks about sex. Even in the Old Testament, the very first mention of sex is that Adam knew his wife Eve and they conceived. That's not just a meaningless euphemism for sex. That is what sex is for. It is knowing, and so when I use my sexuality for my own gratification, I'm missing the opportunity.
Speaker 1:Now, I would concede the Bible does not say anything specifically about masturbation, solo masturbation, but I also have to take into account that just because there's not a thou shalt not. I am also called to look at what is the purpose of what I am doing and if my motivation is to avoid the confrontation of asking my spouse to engage in this with me, then maybe I'm missing the point. Maybe I'm just trying to appease myself rather than avoid what would otherwise be required to risk rejection. Sometimes Masturbation is easy because I don't have to engage with anyone. I don't have to risk rejection. That is, in fact, the great appeal to pornography for men. It's not about the sex part of it, it's about the part that allows me to avoid the risk of rejection. I can avoid being emotionally vulnerable, I can avoid having to confront my spouse and I can avoid having to pursue them in a way that is best for me.
Speaker 2:So if I'm wasting that opportunity on just myself, then I'm never challenging myself to grow myself and to grow the relationship well, and this says, um, sexually unavailable that the spouse is sexually unavailable, and you know we try to answer these questions from the standpoint of the person asking the question. But I would encourage everyone to consider what does it look like for me to be sexually unavailable to my spouse, and how does that come across to them? And is that something I should be Now? Is it okay to say no? Well, I would say to you it's okay to say not now, ask me later.
Speaker 2:So should you always be available? Well, no, the aisle of Walmart is not a place for you to be available, right? So we're not going to always be available to every whim. We're not going to always be available to every whim. But if my spouse perceives that I have very definite available and unavailable times, then I would challenge you to consider why is that? And, like Matt was saying at the beginning, I mean, frankly, there are a lot of ways that we can share our sexual energies together. So if parts of my body are unavailable but I am able to be present, be with, then that's available. Just because some part of my body may not be able to engage doesn't mean my heart and my mind can't engage. And so, again, it's about connection.
Speaker 1:Yep, and I would challenge you. Why would I be ashamed to do that in front of my spouse? Why am I going to the shower or to the bathroom or some private place to do that?
Speaker 2:Your question to ask yourself is if the purpose of sex is connection. Do I feel more connected to my spouse after solo masturbation? Did that actually get me to the point, to the purpose?
Speaker 1:Because the purpose of your desire is not so that you can end with some solitary release. The purpose of your desire, your sexual desire, is to draw you to your spouse.
Speaker 2:There should be an emotional connection that comes about from that release together and what way that looks like. So I think the other big part of this is solo masturbation misses the real beauty, which is afterglow. That's where the magic happens within a sexual encounter. That's really, honestly, where you should put some effort into considering and we've done some podcast episodes about that but that period in which you do feel more emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically connected, that's that beautiful place of peace. You don't get that when you're off by yourself. When you're off by yourself.
Speaker 1:Okay, guys, come on, this is not a parenting conference.
Speaker 2:We get this question all the time.
Speaker 1:It's okay. It's a good question. How do you model a healthy sexual relationship in marriage to kids? How do you navigate what's appropriate versus hiding that side of your relationship? This is a great question. Let me just start by saying your kids need to know that you have an amazing sex life. They don't need to know the details.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:They don't need to know when and where and how often and what exactly, but they need to know you have an amazing sex life. Because what is everybody else telling them? That marriage and sex don't go together and that the best place to find sex is outside of marriage. They need to know your sex life is better than everyone else's Because you need them to want that. The best sex education you will give your kids is if they know that marriage is the best place for it. That's my sermon. I'll step down, stand and sing.
Speaker 2:How do you navigate this? Well, if you're in the stage where you still have littles, you just talk, and you do a lot of talking about all things related to sexuality, but you say things like Mommy and Daddy have our special time and that's a beautiful time that Mommy and Daddy have and it's a gift from God, and that's all you have to say. This is mommy and daddy's time. Remember when we said get your kids out of your room? Well, it's hard to have mommy and daddy time when babies are in your bed, right? So you need time set aside and you're modeling to your kids that mommy and daddy have their own time. They do not need to know what's happening and when it's happening, but as little kids, they need to be raised with the understanding that mommy and daddy have time together. That's healthy and right.
Speaker 1:And as they get older, guess what they're going to figure out that you had sex older. Guess what they're going to figure out that you had sex. It's not a secret. There's nothing to hide there. They will know and you need them to know.
Speaker 1:Again, they don't need to know the time. You don't need to put lights out on the bedroom door, flashing lights. You know we don't need that. Okay, they don't need to hear it. They don't need to know exactly what's happening. They don't need to know what your lingerie looks like, but they definitely need to know that it's happening and the way that you will model what is that is if you demonstrate that you have a connected relationship, you have meaningful conversations with each other. They know that you have set aside time for each other, with date nights, getaways. They know that you came to a marriage retreat. Make sure they know. Make sure that they know why you're here. Make sure that they know that you're constantly working to improve your marriage and your sex life. Make sure they know and again, that's different depending on whatever age. They may be right, every age that will be more or less appropriate how they know, what they know.
Speaker 2:But we have a whole series on our podcast. It's way back early on but how to talk to your kids about sex at what stage. You can be and should be saying different things, but they absolutely have to know that that's a so many of us were raised in homes where our sexual, everything about sex, was cloaked in shame and we were raised with a sense of, yeah, married people have sex, but the only only lesson or only thing that that I ever heard was sex is bad, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. And then it's like you get married and that's what married people do quietly. There's a lot of shame that gets wrapped up. If you don't want your children to have all that shame attached to their sexuality, then it begins by you modeling that this is beautiful and right and a gift from God.
Speaker 1:All right, here's another parenting question. Uh-oh, what are the signs that your kids are ready to talk about the dangers of pornography? Are they breathing dangers of pornography? Are they breathing? The average age that a child is exposed to pornography is something like nine years old. That's average. If they are breathing, if they have friends, they need to know. They need to know what it looks like and what to do about it when they see it.
Speaker 2:There's a set of books that we highly recommend. That is a children's book called Good Pictures, bad Pictures. I'm sorry, I can't remember the name of the author. Do you happen to know Good Pictures, bad Pictures? There's kind of like a junior version and then a little bit older children's book, but it's a great, great resource to introduce this idea of there are good pictures and there are bad pictures. And here is the action plan when you see a bad picture because it's not, if it is when. So equip your children with a plan. You better be the safe place in their plan. You are not the source of condemnation or shame. Satan is the enemy, not your kid. So when they come to you and they will you be the one that safely reassesses the boundaries and helps them navigate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, that's not just pornography, that's true about sex in general. You must be the expert, because if you, if your kids don't see you as the expert, they're going to find someone else to get the advice from. And where are they going to get advice about sex? Their friends, the internet, I mean. Are those reliable sources of information for your kids?
Speaker 2:And let me tell you this is a hard conversation and I've had it over and over with my kids and you know what I did I cried. I cried with them for the evil that it is. I cried with them for the loss of innocence in that moment. That's okay. Let them see that this hurts, but that you are there to help guide them and protect them. But they better be seeing the reason for protection, because sex and marriage is beautiful. So promoting the beauty, the gift, the ideal, helps take away the power of the evil.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, if all you do is tell them that all of this is bad and we don't talk about sex and we don't talk about pornography, we don't talk about all of the other things, or the only time we talk about it is when we're condemning some aspect of it, and they never see the ideal, then they'll find something else. They'll find someone else to tell them something different than the truth. You must be proactive. So when are they ready? When they are breathing is when you must begin the conversation about what truth is and be able to prepare them for what they're likely to see. Can you go into further detail on how the act of sex can glorify God? Give examples? Well, we're not going to get too graphic, but it is a seeming contradiction, at least in the circles where I grew up. It is a seeming contradiction that sex is a spiritual experience and that our sexuality is directly tied to our spirituality.
Speaker 1:When God created mankind, in the same breath, in the same sentence, it is recorded in Genesis, chapter one, that he made us in the image of God and he made us male and female. He made us sexual and in his image, in the very same breath, god loves sex and he gives it as a gift, and even from the standpoint of me and my spouse enjoying this beautiful gift of exquisite pleasure and satisfaction and connection, when I am grateful, when I approach and when I receive that gift with thanksgiving, that glorifies the God who made it. Listen, god does not leave your room when you have sex. He must be, he is there and he is especially there when he is invited there. God can and will make your sex lives immensely gratifying and beautiful.
Speaker 1:And when you acknowledge where the gift came from, that is when you glorify him. That's a way that you glorify him At the same time, kind of going back to even where we began this whole conversation this week that our sexual desire should be pointing us to something greater. Desire should be pointing us to something greater. And when we engage in the intimate union of Jesus and his bride, that final consummation, that final perfect union of Jesus and the church, what will it be like when we, as the people of God, those who long deeply for him, are finally joined to him, fully enwrapped and penetrated by his presence? What will that be like? Do you long for that day?
Speaker 2:Because that moment of pleasure, that incredible moment of pleasure you experience with your beloved, that's a tiny, tiny taste of that. That moment better be making you say thank you, god. I long for you.
Speaker 1:Your sexual relationship glorifies God. Sexual relationship glorifies God. Well, we hope you had as much fun listening to our responses as we had hosting the retreat this year.
Speaker 2:It is always so much fun. If you were some of our friends who got to come and join us, thank you. Thank you for being there.
Speaker 1:And I would challenge you how would you have answered those questions? We would love to know. We'd love to hear your feedback. You can contact us by emailing podcast at intimatecovenantcom, or you can submit anonymous feedback and questions by going to our website intimatecovenantcom slash podcast.
Speaker 2:Thanks to all of you for listening, subscribing, rating and sharing the podcast. We're always truly humbled by all your encouragement and your support, and we want to give a special thank you to our Patreon subscribers, who come alongside us every month in a very real way. If Intimate Covenant has blessed your marriage, we'd love to have you join us too. You can subscribe at patreoncom. Slash intimate covenant.
Speaker 1:And I'll just add Patreon subscribers, those of you that did not come to the retreat this year. You did not know that your Patreon subscriptions helped us to sponsor eight different couples who were able to come to the retreat this year on partial or full scholarships, and that is due in large part to those of you who contribute to Patreon every month.
Speaker 2:So thank you to that? Yes, we mostly use our Patreon funds for our scholarship fund and we're very, very thankful. And those couples would like to say thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sure. Until next time, keep striving and don't settle.