I get it, I have said this over and over myself. However, today, I would like you to take a step back and really reflect on this thought "I don't have time for myself".
I walk you through some reflection prompts and how you can view this problem a little differently and work through it.
Making time for yourself doesn't need to be 2 hours every day. It is a little moment of connection, a little moment that reminds you that you are important.
Don't skip this activity this week, take a moment to reflect on what your needs are and how you can start making space for them. You matter, lease don't forget that my dear friend.
THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS! Get some discounts using the links below Thank you to our main supporters the Tanenbaum Open Science Institute at The Neuro and the McConnell Foundation.
I get it, I have said this over and over myself. However, today, I would like you to take a step back and really reflect on this thought "I don't have time for myself".
I walk you through some reflection prompts and how you can view this problem a little differently and work through it.
Making time for yourself doesn't need to be 2 hours every day. It is a little moment of connection, a little moment that reminds you that you are important.
Don't skip this activity this week, take a moment to reflect on what your needs are and how you can start making space for them. You matter, lease don't forget that my dear friend.
THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS! Get some discounts using the links below Thank you to our main supporters the Tanenbaum Open Science Institute at The Neuro and the McConnell Foundation.
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Speaker 1:
Hello, my dear friend, welcome back to another episode of the Curious Neuron podcast. My name is Cindy Havington and I am your host. I'm a mom of three from Montreal, canada, and I have a PhD in neuroscience, so if you're new here, welcome. I'm trying to share the science of parental well-being with you because, guess what, you matter, and I think that sometimes, as parents, we forget to put time to the side for ourselves, or we forget to take care of our needs, or we don't realize that our emotions and our needs matter. And today actually is all about that. We're going to have a little tight, to tight, you and I. We're going to have a conversation around what it means to make space for yourself, and if you are somebody that often says I don't have time for myself, then hold on, don't leave.
Speaker 1:
This episode is for you and it's going to be a short one. I don't want to take up all your time. I know you're busy and I do want you to have the reflections that you need for this week to work towards. You know the growth that you're looking for as a parent, as a person, as somebody who works, somebody who doesn't work, who stays home, whatever you do. I want to give you those reflection prompts so that this week, while you're going for a walk or driving to work or journaling, you could say oh, I hear Cindy's voice in my head and these are the reflection prompts I need to work on this week. So before we do jump into that, I do want to remind you that this week I will be in Palo Alto, california, on April 25th, that is this Thursday, and you can join me.
Speaker 1:
You can come listen to the talk that is all about child development, specifically around emotions for young preschool kids and also your well-being and how it's important for your child's emotional development. So click the link in the show notes. It brings you to a file that there's a QR code and you can purchase your ticket there or pick up your ticket. I'm not sure how it works, but everything is there and I'm really excited to meet everyone out in California and to go to the West Coast for the first time. So if you're having trouble with that link, by the way, just send me an email at info at KirstenRohncom and I can send you the PDF if you're having some struggles there. And, as always, I do have to ask you for a tiny little favor. That's going to make this podcast continue. So it's actually a really big favor.
Speaker 1:
If you haven't done so yet, make sure that you are subscribed to the podcast and make sure that you leave a rating, at least at the minimum. Just rate the podcast, whether it's on Spotify or Apple, just put it up whatever you want three stars, four stars, five stars. But then also, if you do have a little extra time, if you can leave a review and let me know, send me an email at info at kirstenroncom, because I do want to thank you with a $10 coupon for the reflective parent journal that I have at Kirstenademy. It's 100 pages of journal prompts, but it's divided in a way so that if you're struggling with your work-life balance, there's a section there with prompts. If you're struggling with the relationship you have with your partner, there are some prompts there. If you're struggling with your relationship with your child, there are prompts there. So you don't have to do the entire workbook. But if you take a step back and reflect and say I do want to work on my values, I do want to work on how I nurture myself which is what we'll talk about today then you can at least just go to that section and get those prompts. So if you do leave a rating sorry, a review for the podcast, let me know and I'll send you a $10 coupon. It brings that 100-page workbook down, or journal down, to $19.99. All right, and I want to thank the Tannenbaum Open Science Institute for supporting the Curious Non podcast, as well as the McConnell Foundation. Without them this would not be possible. It takes a small team, but still a team, to edit the podcast and put everything together and reach out to guests and put you know this podcast that I enjoy doing so much together. Without them I wouldn't have the time and the energy to do that. So thank you to the supporters of this podcast.
Speaker 1:
If you are that person that often says I don't have time for myself, you're not alone. I guarantee you you're not alone. I am often in that boat, or was a lot more before, but I've realized that sometimes we struggle with making space for ourselves and I was having this discussion with somebody this week and that came up and I was like you know what? I already had a topic planned for today, but I really, really wanted to put this forward, because I do think that I often hear people still saying that, including myself. Like I said, I'm not pointing fingers, I'm pointing at myself too, but it's when we really step back and reflect that we could make space for ourselves, because we need to. We have needs. They don't disappear just because we're parents. And you matter. I say that all the time, I say that in the newsletter, I say it here you matter, and the reason why I'm so adamant about saying that to you, knowing that you're listening, is because I had forgotten to remind myself about that for so many years.
Speaker 1:
Having four kids in under three no, I don't have four kids Having three kids in under four years just led to me completely neglecting my needs and myself, my mental health, and it was only after I had the third child that I realized whoa, something's going on with me. After I had the third child that I realized whoa, something's going on with me. I've lost complete control of my emotions. I am not myself, I'm not acting the way that I used to. I just don't feel pleasure in things that are things that would bring me pleasure before, and I just feel like a failure right now. And I had to take a step back and realize, wow, you've completely abandoned yourself and it's not what you're supposed to do, you know, and it's in those moments that we start thinking things like we're failing at being a parent. We start thinking that we just can't cope with, you know, parenting and having one or two or three kids it doesn't matter if you just have one. If we neglect our needs, then it shows, and neglecting your needs, this is what we're going to talk about.
Speaker 1:
I've been giving some workshops in schools the past couple of weeks and to parents and to teachers. And neglecting needs doesn't necessarily mean going out to the spa every week. It's not about that. It's about our internal dialogue. It's about our self-compassion. It's about whether we are empathetic, you know, with ourselves and whether we have enough capacity to be empathetic with others. Those are signs that we have neglected our own needs and, you know, nurturing those needs has to do with the work that we're doing, with showing ourselves compassion and love and kindness.
Speaker 1:
Something I've often said here on the podcast is that you know these leadership skills. I read lots of leadership books and trying to understand how to support a team. I have a very small team, albeit the most amazing people that work here at Curious Neuron. They are about helping parents because they are parents as well, and they often felt the way that I did, where nothing out there supported us as parents and nothing felt, you know, let us was letting us feel validated or seen, and that's my goal with Curious Neuron.
Speaker 1:
But as the founder of a company or a CEO, you often encounter problems, and I like to look at it that way. In parenting I say this all the time, but you kind of have to be. You are the CEO of your family, of your home, co-ceo, ceo, whatever it is. If you're alone or with a partner, but you have to look at everything that's going on, including noticing that you don't have time for yourself, then you need to attack it like a problem in a company, which sometimes you need to work backwards. What do I mean by that? So if you are listening to this and saying I'm that person, I do not have time for myself, there is absolutely no way that I can have time for myself.
Speaker 1:
Let's start the reflections. What does time for myself look like for you? What is it that sort of fills your cup or makes you feel good, brings you happiness, joy, you know, regulates your system. So is it going out for a walk? Is it talking or meeting with a certain person? Is it drawing, painting? Is it cooking or baking? I didn't mean to make that rhyme Hello, I'm Dr Seuss cooking or baking. And I didn't mean to make that rhyme Hello, I'm Dr Seuss.
Speaker 1:
But I do think that it's important for you to make that list of what makes you happy, and sometimes we forget about that. I, in all honesty, when I started taking time to reflect on what mattered to me, I had forgotten what brought me joy, because what brought me joy after having three kids, what was stuck in my head were my three kids, and that's okay. But there are other things that you can do that also bring you joy, and for me, it's reading books, journaling, walking and talking with certain friends. You know, moving, moving my body. I don't do it enough, but I do enjoy the walk and every time I do it I come back and I'm fired up. I have so much energy just for a 30 minute walk, but what we need to do is work backwards.
Speaker 1:
So first, like I said, making a list of things that you would want to incorporate and being realistic. Right, it's like setting those what are they called Smart goals? You need to be specific, but you also need to be realistic in the sense that, well, if three hours of I don't know a workout every day is something you want, if that's not really possible and realistic with the schedule that you have, then what's the best alternative to that? So, if you do want to start including, let's just use that example I want to walk, write it down in your sheet of paper. I enjoy walking, I enjoy moving or being outside. Okay, now let's try to be specific. I would like to walk 30 minutes every day or every other day. What is the small goal, the small win that you can create? And part of this is what's that book? Atomic Habits, right? So, starting really, really small, is there a point in your day that you can step out for a walk? Is there a point in your day that you can switch something, ask somebody for support? And this is where we're walking, or or working through this backwards, because now we started with what we need and now we're going to try to look at our schedule a little bit more.
Speaker 1:
If you've never done this before, I remember having I had this business coach that would tell me. When I would say, like there's no time, he'd say, right, okay, there's no time, let's just take a calendar and an Excel spreadsheet and you're going to write, you know, monday to Sunday for two weeks, and write up all the time there and you know so that you're going to fill that calendar or that Excel spreadsheet and tell me what you're doing. And it was only that way that I realized, wow, I'm really spending a lot of time answering emails, or I'm really spending a lot of time answering DMs and comments on Instagram. And it was that time a couple of years ago that I really stepped back from responding to DMs and comments. You might notice I'm really not active, but it's because I felt that it was more important for me to post and get the information out, and then I don't have time to go back. I'm actually not on Instagram very much and I only noticed that because I wrote down what I was doing. You don't have to do it for two weeks, but you can write this down for one week.
Speaker 1:
What are you doing? What time are you waking up at? Are you getting up at the same time as your kids? What does that schedule look like? Are you out of the door and then straight at work? Are you arriving at work early? Do you have a lunch break where you can step away and take a walk. Do you finish where you have a buffer of 20 minutes where you can go for a walk before going home? Do you get home and is your partner in charge of schoolwork or cooking? Can you switch it up a little bit and then find a space for you to go for a walk? Let them know your needs, share what really would make a difference for you. Is there a way that you can make it work?
Speaker 1:
And again, trying to start off with a very small goal If half an hour of walking every day isn't possible, is you know 15 minutes possible, or is it possible to do half an hour every other day, or four to five times a week, or whatever it is? Set that goal, write something down, because it's very easy for us to get stuck in saying things Similarly to when a week or whatever it is Set that goal, write something down, because it's very easy for us to get stuck in saying things. Similarly to when a parent or somebody tells me I'm so stressed at work, my follow-up question to them is usually what do you mean by that? Let's add the word because right, I've posted about this a few times. I'm stressed at work because, well, I have an unrealistic workload All right.
Speaker 1:
Now we have a little bit more of a specific there. So, with an unrealistic workload, who do I need? Who do you need to speak to? Who do you need to ask for assistance from? Who do you need to set a boundary with? And once we become more specific, then we are able to pinpoint where we're or where the problem is, and then, when we pinpoint the problem, we're able to try to find solutions. Right, we need to do the same thing when it comes to parenting and for ourselves, because we're going to get stuck in that cycle of I don't have time, what don't you have time for?
Speaker 1:
I don't have time for walks, and they really matter to me. How can you make more time for this? Is there something in your day that is taking longer than possible that you can get support or prepare the day before? Is meal prep taking a long time? Can you cut that a little bit by cutting up some vegetables or marinating meat the day before? Can you change the kind of recipe? Can you pick something up every I don't know Tuesday that makes it easy, meats that are already marinated, or a very simple meal that cuts down the prep time so that you can go out for that walk. How can you make it happen? Make space for yourself. Once you have figured out what you need, who do you need to speak with? Once you've done all of this, then try to show yourself somewhere whether it's a calendar or something you print that you can check off so that you can show yourself a visual of I'm making this work, and I think that the best advice I've ever heard from someone when it came to kind of motivating yourself, whether it's exercising again, doing something for yourself, like I said before, for me it's reading a book, and my friend and I often have this discussion where she says well, you know, I don't know how you have time to read books, and I said it's because I make it. I made it happen.
Speaker 1:
So a couple years ago, I was really fed up of not reading books. I was just mad at myself because I knew that that's what nurtured me. I love reading books and then thinking about what I read and thinking about how I can apply that to you guys, share that with you or create something within Curious Neuron. And so I got a Kindle. It was on sale.
Speaker 1:
I got myself a Kindle and I was able to read when I was putting the kids to bed, because I have a four-year-old and he still just wants me to hang around and I was just sitting there and waiting. I wasn't on my phone, I didn't like doing that, I would leave my phone away, but I was sitting there with him and I enjoyed it. I was, you know. I mean, we were cuddling sometimes. Sometimes he's lying in his own bed or I'm lying down beside him and I realized, you know what, this is a great time for me to read. So I got myself a Kindle and that's when, for me, things changed. I was able to read in those down times. So if my kids got up in the middle of the night and they were scared, and then I was awake for a little while, I read. In addition to that, I made I don't know, I don't know what did I make A promise to myself. I don't know what it is, but I had this conversation with myself and said okay, how can I at least continue reading just a little bit, even if I don't have those moments? So, regardless of the time I go to bed, I make sure that I read for about 10 minutes. It's not much, but it still nurtures my soul, it still nurtures my needs, and so that's my personal time.
Speaker 1:
I don't watch a lot of TV. We don't have Netflix we don't have. We don't have cable. We do have what is it called the Disney Disney flicks? We don't have, we don't have cable. Um, we do have what is it called the the disney disney channel, and so I'll watch episodes of modern family, uh, once in a while. But besides, that nighttime is when I work or read or clean something up if I have the time. So I don't really do that. I changed that a long time ago to being productive reading books, learning. That's my me time.
Speaker 1:
You might want to watch TV, and that's okay, but can you change that time If you want to, I don't know? Read a book or paint. Can you switch a little bit of that time at night from watching TV to painting if you want to? But this is going to be the week where you make that change. I know it, I feel it, I just know it. I believe in you.
Speaker 1:
I do know that if you look at it this way and just take a piece of you know sheet of paper and write down your needs, what do I need, what matters to me and fills my cup, and then try to work it into your schedule in little baby steps. It doesn't have to be. I'm going to work out, you know, six times a week for an hour and a half. What are the baby steps to your goal. What are the little, you know, the little tidbits of this that will make you feel a boost of energy and happiness.
Speaker 1:
How can you make it work? Work backwards with what you need first, and then looking at your schedule and seeing how you can insert it. Speak to the people in your life that you need to speak with to make it work. If it's your child, you know, playing with a friend and you get a little bit of a break on the weekends. How can you make this work? I hope this makes sense. I you know.
Speaker 1:
I know that everybody's life is very different and you might be listening to this saying there's absolutely no time. Even if you're saying there's absolutely no time, I still want you to take that sheet of paper and give it a try. I want to see if you can and then email me If it doesn't make sense and you're like Cindy nope, didn't make sense. Look, I tried it. Email me info at keroseneuroncom. I want to make this work for you and I want you to see that it's important for you to make space for yourself and to nurture yourself.
Speaker 1:
If you are going through a rough time, feel free to reach out to me. Info at keroseneuroncom. You can visit my website, keroseneuroncom and reach out to me from there. You know, come say hi, let me know who you are and where you're listening from. It just means so much to me and I hope you have a beautiful and lovely week. I will be in sunny California and I will see you next week. Next week is a special week. It is Maternal Mental Health Week and there's also a focus on postpartum mental health. I will have two very special guests where I'm bringing in a psychologist researcher from McGill University and we will have a mother who has experienced postpartum mental health struggles and we will have a beautiful conversation about why we shouldn't normalize mental health or mental illness, and you're going to know why by the end of that episode and I hope that it makes sense to you. But I will see you next week. Bye.
