[00:00:00] Nola: Burnout is one of the most common issues employees and entrepreneurs face when work life harmony is not properly maintained. In fact, according to a survey by Zippia, 83% of respondents said burnout from work has a negative impact on their personal relationships. Unfortunately, you may not even realize you've reached the point of burnout until you're totally fried because that incremental journey can be practically imperceptible. Stay tuned friend, as we shine a spotlight on the seemingly harmless everyday interactions and challenges that can cause microstressors to easily balloon into feelings of anxiety, exhaustion, depression, ineffectiveness, and ultimately burnout.
[00:00:43] Lori: Welcome to Sticky Brand Lab, where we bridge the gap between knowledge and action by providing you with helpful information, tips, and tools from entrepreneurs and other experts so you can quickly and easily jumpstart your side business. We're your hosts. I'm Lori Vajda, and this is my co-host, Nola Boea. Hi Nola.
[00:01:05] Nola: Hello, Lori. Hey, you've heard the saying, do something you love and you'll never work a day in your life. Right?
[00:01:11] Lori: Yeah, I've heard it. I always took it to mean that when you do the work you love, it feels more like a choice rather than a burden. And for me, I take that to mean doing work you enjoy, which may not be all of the time, but at least most of the time, adds value and meaning to your life. Now, were you looking for a definition or was there another reason that you asked me that question?
[00:01:36] Nola: No, I actually so agree with you. I think that it does imply that doing something you love gives us energy and purpose, passion, and in general adds to our overall happiness and wellbeing. And I actually even agree with that. But there's also a saying, "everything in moderation." And I think that saying also applies.
[00:01:54] Lori: Well, you know, too much of a good thing, like chocolate cake, loses its effectiveness.
[00:01:59] Nola: No it doesn't. You can't apply that to chocolate cake.
[00:02:06] Lori: Okay. Okay. Well, I think even one of the drawbacks of doing work that you love is you can get really caught up in it. So for me, you're "everything in moderation" makes sense to me, but here's the thing. The actual quote, if I'm not mistaken, which comes from Oscar Wilde, is: "everything in moderation, including moderation."
[00:02:31] Nola: Oh, okay. Thank you for that. That actually is an epiphany because the whole point is that there really is such thing as too much of a good thing. And I bring this up because studies have shown a connection between a person's overall wellbeing and their sense of work identity; that sense of how important their job is to who they are when that job or their career or their business is part of their personal identity. And there is some evidence that when you have that strong work identity, it partially protects against the adverse effects of working really long hours. Because again, if you're doing something you love, then hey, the time flies.
[00:03:13] Lori: Yeah. But you know, the thing that I find interesting here is you said that it partially protects against the adverse effects. What do you mean by that?
[00:03:21] Nola: Well, see, that's my point. It all makes sense when it's in a vacuum, because here's the thing. Yes, women who work long hours and have a strong work identity, they are going to report less job-related anxiety and higher job-related satisfaction than women who worked long hours, but didn't consider their career or their work part of their personal identity. And the vacuum is we're talking about two data sets of people who are working long hours it might be tempting to conclude that if you have a career you love, then, hey, that's not going to be a problem. But when you take people, regardless of whether they love their job or don't love their job, if they're working long hours and you compare that data set, that set of survey respondents, to people who are working regular hours, it turns out that yes, they actually are suffering more job-related anxiety and depression than people who actually work 30 to 40 hours a week.
[00:04:19] Lori: Wow. That's fascinating. And it reminds me, when I was doing research on the topic of retirement and why that needs to be rethought of, that we've done and talked about in previous episodes, I came across a Deloitte study that said nearly half of Generation Z-ers, so about 46%, and four out of 10 millennials, say they experience stress or anxiety at work all or most of the time. Which to me, I'm flabbergasted by that because I know how stress affects me, so I can't imagine feeling that day in and day out. And so, what more companies are reporting as well as more individuals is that they're seeing an increase in burnout brought on by pressures of work. Can you imagine?
[00:05:09] Nola: That's kind of disconcerting.
[00:05:11] Lori: Well, burnout, microstressors, and work/life harmony, are all connected and can have a big impact on how well someone is able to balance their personal and professional life.
[00:05:25] Nola: Interesting. Why don't you explain a little more how that works.
[00:05:29] Lori: OK. Well, you could say that microstressors are what we experience throughout the day. And they're the main contributors to burnout. And that's because these minor stressors are often so brief, we hardly notice them or we think of them as just another bump in the road, you know, like that's just part of life. And here's the thing. Most microstressors are often triggered by people that we're closest to, whether that's a colleague or a family member, friend, even your neighbor. Or, given that we're heading into fall, your kid's teacher. Which may be one of the reasons that we don't always recognize the interaction or even think of it as being stressful.
[00:06:12] Nola: Wow, that's so true. I mean, I'm thinking now about just the little nagging, annoying things that strike me and I'm like, Oh, well, that's just them. But I can imagine over time.
[00:06:23] Lori: One of my big ones is when you call for customer service and you're put on hold. Oh, that is a huge one for me. But are you familiar with the book The Microstress Effect?
[00:06:34] Nola: I've heard of it. Tell me more.
[00:06:36] Lori: Two academic researchers, Karen Dillon and Rob Cross, coauthored this book. And it comes from the research that they were doing specifically looking at microstress. And what they reported is that our brains don't recognize those minor stresses as actual stress. So you know, we talked a little bit about it, but let me give you a couple more examples. Let's say that you had trouble scheduling an important meeting with a prospective client or even your boss. You finally get a date on the calendar and that morning they send you a message asking to reschedule. How do you feel about it?
[00:07:16] Nola: Oh, just a little bit of frustration. Just a little. Yeah. We're talking microstressors, right? But yeah, it's like,
[00:07:23] Lori: It was an important meeting.
[00:07:24] Nola: Yeah. Frustrated.
[00:07:25] Lori: Yeah. Okay. Now let's say that you're the lead and you have a client presentation and after the presentation, you and your team receive some pretty ambiguous emails from your direct reports. What goes through your brain then? And what happens to the team?
[00:07:43] Nola: Yeah. We're second guessing ourselves. We're starting to judge each other. And just does it become celebratory? Does it become accusatory? What's going on?
[00:07:51] Lori: Right. So, you've got this ambiguous email. In addition to that, there's all the talk that's happening with your team members going back and forth, trying to guess what this could be about. Now, Nola, you work from home and I already know the answer to the question I'm about to ask, but our listeners don't. So has this ever happened to you? There's an important meeting that you have to attend, but that morning you discover an unstable internet connection.
[00:08:21] Nola: Yes. And worse, I have been the one making a presentation to a C-suite and had my power go out, totally disconnected from the presentation. Yes, it is very frustrating.
[00:08:36] Lori: A little frustration balloons to something bigger. But, you know, all these examples that I gave are career related. Now take into consideration throughout a 24-hour period, you have your professional stressors that happened and add to that those from your personal life, which could include things like family interactions, but it could also be just what's happening for you in that moment. So you could feel some physical burnout or stress. You could feel some aches and pains from moving about. Maybe you exercise vigorously, but when you move in a certain direction, you're limping on one side, or maybe something's happening in your family life or your friendship life, and it's taking a toll on you. So mental health can be an issue. Finances, community, even faith can have its moments, adding to your stress. The point is, these are all natural parts of our daily interactions. And because they're so natural, we tend not to pay much attention to them in the moment. However, over time, these minor little stressors pile up and eventually take a larger toll on our overall health and wellbeing.
[00:09:53] Nola: Speaking of which, especially interactions and overall wellbeing, one study found that if you're exposed to a social stress within two hours of a meal, your body metabolizes the food in a way that adds 104 calories to the meal. So, if you do the math and this happens every day, you gain 11 pounds in a year. Which explains a lot.
[00:10:19] Lori: You had me right there at the 11 pounds in one year. I'm listening.
[00:10:24] Nola: Of course, chocolate cake does not factor into that. Oh, thank goodness. Even though it is so damaging, most of us really don't even recognize microstress. I mean, because everything we just named, it's just a bump in the day. My internet gets connected. We move on. But here today, we feel it's important to talk about, and we want to raise awareness about these microstressors.
[00:10:47] Lori: The two academic researchers, Dillon and Cross, they actually found 14 different microstressors that happen all the time. And they put those into three overarching categories or what I'm referring to as buckets. So let me give you a couple of examples here. One of those micro stress buckets are the ones that drain your personal capacity, really, to get things done. And this can be anything like catching the mistake of a colleague or your boss and making that correction. In your mind, it's a small thing, but that small thing means that you're not doing something that's on your plate. Or say that your partner forgot an important errand that resulted in you having to change plans for your evening, because now you need to go take care of that. Again, a small thing, but it's an irritant. And this is one that's, I think, pretty common for most people to relate to. Let's say that you scheduled a doctor or a dentist appointment, and you tried to do it around your lunch hour, but the doctor or the dentist is running late and now you're late getting back to work. Can you relate to any of those?
[00:12:02] Nola: Oh yeah. At one point I started to get up and leave the office and said, my time slot for this doctor is done. So, I'll see you later. But then they immediately called me in and the doctor actually was nice enough to apologize and explain what happened, which never happens. It's the first time ever. So, yeah.
[00:12:18] Lori: Kudos to your doctor. A second bucket of microstress that they identified are the kinds that deplete your emotional reserve. So let me give you an example here. Let's say that you got a new director overseeing your department and that director is looking for ways to cut costs or tighten up the budget. Or maybe you're in business for yourself and a longtime customer has experienced some recent profit loss. In both cases, the impact is to your department or your company's bottom line. And as a result, you start to second guess your decisions and your confidence begins to falter. I know I can relate to this a lot.
[00:13:00] Nola: Yeah, I can absolutely relate. And I have another example of a microstressor that can deplete your emotional reserves. Just think about when perhaps you've just closed up your computer. You've just decided to turn off for the night and then your phone pings from your work email. Can you imagine just that little surge of stress that hits your phone? Now, let's say that you don't get work related emails on your phone, but you just have this nagging need to know if you have any emails. And then you have this surge of stress that hits you when you see a bunch of emails that you would really rather not see. Can you relate to that?
[00:13:42] Lori: Oh, not professionally, but I can personally because my husband's phone will go off even though he has it on vibrate. And to me, that drives me crazy. I'll notice that he'll look over at that buzz and it affects his mood. If he knows that it's related to work versus a spam, two completely different ways that he responds. So yeah, I totally understand what you're saying there.
[00:14:09] Nola: And notice actually that little vibration buzz, that short buzz, affects his mood and yours. Because you just said it drives you crazy.
[00:14:19] Lori: Good point.
[00:14:20] Nola: Y ep. I want to share the third category of microstressors. And those are the ones that challenge your identity. Again, you feel like you're not really the person that you want to be, or that you imagine yourself to be, or that you feel you are, in your own skin. So just to kind of give you, listener, an idea of what that means, I'm going to give you an extreme example of that illustration so you understand. So, I had a friend who loved animals, right? She had all kinds of animals at her house. She had a pet snake, a pet tarantula, as well as dogs and cats, right? And I'm sure there was a pet rat. So, she just loved animals. And because of that, she got a job at the local animal shelter. But then it was her task to euthanize them if they didn't get adopted.
[00:15:01] Lori: Oh no.
[00:15:03] Nola: Yeah. So, can you imagine that misalignment between how you feel about yourself and the actual actions you have to carry out, especially as a work-related kind of identity? So that's a misalignment. A micro example of that is, let's say you are a seasoned managerial professional, just very knowledgeable in your industry. And you've been at a senior level and you've had a longstanding career. You get a promotion, so you're starting a new role, and all of a sudden, you're making these first-time kind of ignorant mistakes. And suddenly you're having this questioning about your ability to lead. So, you feel like a leader, you've been a leader, you've been an expert, and all of a sudden, you're not aligned there. Right?
Another example is if you are in sales and you sell from the heart, because you really believe in your product and you know it can help people and you're happy to share it because you know exactly who the right audience is that needs that product. And then you're being told, you know what, you need to sell it to also this audience, even though they don't really need that product, you have to make that sale. And if you don't, then there's some consequences. That is a misalignment as well.
[00:16:16] Lori: You and I see this a lot with people who want to start a side business, particularly maybe coaching, consulting. They have all of the knowledge, they're ready to share it, but where they lack is in the business know how, right? So they're tuning in to a podcast like ours to learn those things, but that one area of being unsure of themselves impacts their confidence in the area that they know the most about.
[00:16:46] Nola: Yeah. It's a halo effect. If you feel less than confident in something new, then that can apply in something that you actually are confident in or would have been.
[00:16:56] Lori: Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay.
[00:16:58] Nola: You know, it is these low-level stresses, again, these blips in the road, that seem like just a normal part of life and living that end up really disrupting your work/life harmony. Because it creates a continuous or a repetitive sense of pressure and tension. And when minor stressors occur frequently, it can be challenging to switch off from work, even during personal time. And these microstressors over time can build into chronic stress. And chronic stress can lead to decreased productivity, feelings of being overwhelmed, depression, and just not feeling like you're making an impact, to name just a few of the symptoms.
[00:17:38] Lori: Well, I know this has happened to me and I'm guessing it's happened to you, but I'm sure that there are many listeners that this applies to. Let's say that you've given a presentation and you send out your evaluations and out of the 10 responses back, nine of them are, "you're outstanding" but one of them gave you less than outstanding, and you focus on that one negative interaction.
[00:18:02] Nola: Yes. Can't sleep. You just ruminate and ruminate and obsess because of the one negative and then you question yourself. You question your ability. Yeah. Isn't that silly?
[00:18:12] Lori: It is. However, our brains were formed in order to pay attention to the one negative. The consequence of that, though, is one negative interaction can be five times more impactful to your stress level, than the positive one.
[00:18:31] Nola: Oh my goodness. I knew it was high, but not that high. Wow.
[00:18:35] Lori: Yeah. And that's why it's important to find ways to reduce microstressors in the moment as much as possible. And it can make a significant difference in your overall health and mental health.
[00:18:50] Nola: Let's talk about that. One way to reduce low-level stress, the kind we're talking about, is really to strengthen your resilience. So here are six things that you can try. First of all, focus on the behavior itself and not on the relationship. According to those researchers, Dillon and Cross, the trick is, when you begin to focus on the interactions themselves, and not the person, you're going to find a plethora of chances to make changes that significantly improve your wellbeing.
[00:19:24] Lori: My background in mental health, this to me reminds me of the "I" statement versus the "you" statement. When we have a negative interaction, we tend to focus on what the other person did and we blame them for it. But when you're focusing on the behavior, then you can focus and use I statements. So, I'll give you an example. Let's say that somebody comes into your office. Rather than saying, "you're interrupting me, I've got this deadline to get things done," or "I've got a deadline to meet," you can say something like, "right now is not a good time for me to talk. Can we reconnect later when I have more flexibility in my schedule so that I can get this deadline done?"
Or, you're arguing with your spouse and "you never clean up after yourself. I'm always cleaning up after you." You could say, "I've had a really hard day today. It would help me a lot if you would help me clean up after the meal."
[00:20:16] Nola: Does sound so non-confrontational and so like drawing somebody in to partner with you on whatever this issue is. That's very good.
[00:20:26] Lori: This is one of those statements where I actually do this. I have done this for decades and it really diffuses potentially a high stress confrontation, just because I'm owning it. A matter of fact, I actually used an I statement in a family disagreement. And I said, "I feel like you're not hearing me." And the person I was talking to turned around like whip smack fast said, "what did you say?" And I said, "I don't feel like you're hearing what I'm saying or understanding what I'm saying." And then I watched his face just calm down and he said, "what do you think I didn't understand? Could you repeat it?"
[00:21:10] Nola: Wow. That's amazing.
[00:21:12] Lori: I know. It made it such a working relationship. But in the moment when I saw him look at me, I was like, oh, this is going to get worse. But it didn't. And I just owned my I statement.
[00:21:23] Nola: That's awesome. Because you focused on the behavior of the interaction and how things were phrased rather than focusing on the person. That's so cool. Well, moving on to another way to strengthen your resilience in the face of microstressors is: Remember, we were talking about having a strong work identity and just being wrapped around your job, whether it's a job you love or not. The idea here is to disperse your identity. That is, pursue activities, interests, group experiences, any of those things that help you create a rich multidimensional life so that your identity is not so dependent on just one thing such as your career, right? That's why, on our Sticky Brand Lab podcast, we often talk about having a multiplicity of interests. So, you're not just wrapped up into one work identity, it's a diverse set of interests.
[00:22:15] Lori: Yeah. I like to think of it as, you're a diamond and each facet is something that you shine.
[00:22:20] Nola: I like that. The third way is to prioritize your health so that you become familiar with what it feels like to not feel the stress in your body. You want to consider committing to daily, weekly kind of habits that you can do within five minutes or more. Things like daily meditation or breathwork; movement or any kind of exercise, even walking; music is one because music can give you an instant emotional lift. Social connection. So, if you're an extrovert, meeting a group of friends is great. Or if you're not an extrovert, you know, just having that heartfelt conversation with your BFF, right. Or a gratitude practice, which has amazing effects on your health.
[00:23:04] Lori: You had mentioned the five minutes or more. You can also turn those into one minute and try to do that a few times throughout your day. So maybe you do some deep breathing or meditation, or you get up away from your desk to take a short walk around the cubicle or the office or whatever it is. So you can do one minute and still reap the benefits. And if you can do one minute several times throughout your day, you've added five minutes over the course of the day.
[00:23:35] Nola: That's actually so doable.
[00:23:37] Lori: Yeah, when you think about it from that perspective, there shouldn't be a reason you can't do something that benefits you.
[00:23:44] Nola: So, the fourth way to increase your resilience is to practice setting clear boundaries, especially between work and personal life. This could be things such as limit work-related communication during non-work hours. Like, don't go check your email. You can designate specific times for rest or leisure, and honoring those designated times. Don't make exceptions. Also, just simply take your break away from your desk, coming back to your desk really rejuvenated, have more creativity. You'll find yourself even more effective if you just step away and give your brain that break.
[00:24:21] Lori: When I was working in the corporate world, I often ate my lunch at my desk. Which I think over time depleted more of my energy throughout the day than those moments when I went and joined somebody, either in the break room, or we went out to lunch, in which case I came back having laughed, having enjoyed the weather, having had a good heartfelt conversation, whatever the case was, I came back rejuvenated.
[00:24:48] Nola: That's awesome.
[00:24:49] Lori: Too bad I didn't make that connection until after I left corporate office though.
[00:24:56] Nola: Well, another way to set the boundary is to take your paid time off. Just make a commitment to use your vacation time. Use your PTO. Or if you're an entrepreneur, just work in that vacation time for yourself.
[00:25:10] Lori: So important.
[00:25:11] Nola: Fifth way to increase your resilience is a "do. "Here's a do. You do want to engage in activities outside of work that bring you joy, that bring you relaxation, such as pursuing your hobbies, going to a concert, whatever your interests and passions are. The whole point is, engage in something that's not work related that brings you joy.
Number six is a "don't." Don't engage in things like criticism, gossip, opinions, debates, things like that, because often when we invest time and energy in doing that, you'll find yourself hours later, still replaying that conversation in your head. So you need to learn how not to engage that kind of dialogue from the start. Or just simply end the conversation by saying something like, "huh, you know, you've given me something to think about."
[00:26:01] Lori: We often hear that "no" is a complete sentence. Yes. I think this is a similar kind of situation and they're really great, useful tips. Well, listener, we hope the ideas and thoughts we've shared here today have sparked your interest, curiosity, and willingness to prioritize your own needs ahead of those so that you can reduce microstressors and improve your wellbeing, so you can become a first-time entrepreneur in the second half of your vibrant life. Be sure to stick around to the very end of this podcast for a fun little laugh.
[00:26:36] Nola: If you found the information we've shared here helpful and want more tools, tips, and inspiration delivered to your inbox, sign up for News You Can Use over on our website, StickyBrandLab. com. And remember, small steps, big effects.
[OUT-TAKE]
Burnout is one of the most common issues. Take three.
[00:26:55] Lori: Speaking of microstressors.
[00:27:10] Nola: Okay.
