153: The Mom's Guide to Starting Something New

If asked, most people would say they recognize the value of continuous learning and the personal growth that can come from acquiring new skills or starting a new side business. Ask a mom, and you’re more likely to get a response like, “Between the kids, the chores, work, and extracurricular activities, I just don’t have the time right now.”

Stay tuned, friend, for what is sure to be a lively discussion as co-hosts Nola Boea and Lori Vajda sit down with entrepreneur, author, and podcast host, Nikki Oden, of the hit show, Love Your Mom Life, as she shares valuable insights and strategies for the importance of prioritizing personal growth, reigniting passions, and embracing new opportunities as a means to lead a more fulfilling life.

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By the end of this episode, you’ll learn 

• Discover the power of shifting your perspective and embracing the unknown to unlock a world of exciting possibilities
• The benefits of making new connections and forming relationships, both personally and professionally
• How to prioritize personal growth, reignite passions, and embrace new opportunities as a means to lead a more fulfilling life

Key points Lori and Nola are sharing in this episode:

(03:47:10) Why is it so hard for moms to prioritize “starting something new,” whether professionally or personally, especially in the context of a very busy mom life?

(06:45:70) No matter what type of “working mom” you are, you still need something that's yours outside of mommy and wife, of course. How do you get it without feeling guilty, overwhelmed, or burnt out?

(10:52:60) Breaking the deep-rooted belief that putting yourself first as a mother is selfish. Why it’s important and how to do it without feeling guilty

(14:10:50) The benefits and importance of modeling self-care and pursuing your own aspirations for your kids at different stages of their development

(19:54:50) Our expert offers tips and strategies for how moms can learn to overcome those feelings of self-doubt or guilt and prioritize their own aspirations

Resources 

Love Your Mom Life, podcast - Listen on Apple

Book: "But Definitely Wear Mascara: Hacks to Help You Love Your Mom Life (and Yourself) a Little More." - Amazon

Connect with Nikki Oden - https://youridealmomlife.com/

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Podcast Transcript

Transcript

[00:00:00] Lori: As a new school-year begins for our children or grandchildren, it's a perfect time for us to reflect and embrace change. If this feels more nerve-wracking than exciting, know you're not alone. Our minds are hardwired to focus on worst case scenarios. As someone who frequently ventures outside her comfort zone and tries new things, I can say without hesitation that moving past your initial fear of change can lead to something much more fulfilling. By shifting perspectives and embracing the unknown, you'll discover a world full of exciting possibilities. These don't have to be limited to your professional life either. Think about nurturing your wellbeing. Developing a daily self-care practice, making new networking connections, learning a new skill, or even launching a new side business. Stay tuned, friend, as we bring back the host of Love Your Mom Life podcast, Nikki Oden, to discuss the benefits of embracing new opportunities, reigniting passions, and prioritizing your personal growth. 

Welcome to Sticky Brand Lab, where we bridge the gap between knowledge and action by providing you with helpful information, tips, and tools from entrepreneurs and other experts, so you can quickly and easily jumpstart your side business. We're your hosts. I'm Lori Vajda, and this is my co-host, Nola Boea. Hi Nola.

[00:01:21] Nola: Hey, Lori. Now, Lori, I know you are constantly pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone and you enjoy it, it seems.

[00:01:30] Lori: I'm going to take it as a compliment. 

[00:01:32] Nola: Okay. You do that. 

[00:01:33] Lori: You know, Nola, even though I like jumping into new things, that first initial step forward leads me to a lot of trepidation. And I know when I was raising my kids when they were much littler and I was going to school and then starting a new career. I couldn't figure out how to organize things in a way that made it smoother until I made umpteen mistakes along the way. 

[00:01:59] Nola: Funny you should mention that because I think our guest today knows a lot about that topic and she's here to share her story and that of other moms along with her real-world tips, so you, listener, can overcome obstacles, get out of your comfort zone and live your best mom life. Nikki Oden authored the book, But Definitely Wear Mascara: Hacks to Help You Love Your Mom Life and Yourself a Little More. She understands the challenges that many moms face when contemplating a change.

Once a successful commercial litigator with a prestigious law firm, Nikki chose to step away from her career to be a stay-at-home mom after her children were born. In this transition, she grappled with a common dilemma. Losing her identity amid the roles of mommy and wife in her pursuit of redefining herself and regaining a sense of purpose.

Nikki launched a home-based business. However, she soon found herself caught between the demands of running a business and managing her household, often feeling overwhelmed. But Nikki's journey didn't stop there. She embarked on a mission of self-discovery and personal growth, slowly, but steadily finding solutions to regain life work, harmony, and fulfillment.

And today Nikki is dedicated to helping hesitant moms embrace change. Love their mom life and rediscover themselves as the host of Love Your Mom Life podcast, and a featured expert in renowned publications such as the Boston Globe Today, Parents, Cafe Mom, and Authority Magazine. Nikki provides relatable insights and guidance to moms navigating similar challenges.

Welcome back, Nikki. 

[00:03:34] Nikki: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here with you both. 

[00:03:37] Nola: We're excited to have you back.

[00:03:39] Lori: Nikki, before we get into today's topic, which is pretty exciting and very needed in general, can you share what your definition or what you mean by starting something new, especially in the context of having busy mom lives?

[00:03:55] Nikki: I think starting something new can obviously apply to anything in your personal or professional life, and it can be something as simple as... Taking time for yourself every day. That might be something you're not doing. And trust me, it is something that you will love to do once you start doing it because you'll realize how many dividends it pays you and how much more patience you have and how much better you show up in every area of your life once you start taking that time. But right now, that might seem really foreign and something that is almost impossible. I think a lot of times when we are hesitant to start something new, it's because we just don't know how to do it. And it can also apply to even bigger things, to something like writing a book or jumping from one career to another, going back to school. Those are all new things. And The question I think in both arenas is how. How do I do this? How do I make the time and then where do I even begin? And a lot of times those questions are really paralyzing. And so we just don't do anything at all. 

[00:05:00] Lori: That is so, so true. You know, when I've embarked on something new, especially in managing a household, that fear of doing it wrong and wasting time and then I have like some old tapes from my family generations back in which their priority was the home, right? Taking care of the children and without intending to, I think made me feel guilty for wanting do something new myself. Did you have any of that in your own experience when you started, especially writing a book or launching in a new direction with a podcast?

[00:05:40] Nikki: It's funny, I actually had a sort of opposite experience, but yes, there was resistance and conflict because I grew up in a household where my mother prioritized her career and she oftentimes couldn't make it to some things at school and definitely wasn't home when I got home from school, and so when I left my career to be that stay-at-home mom, my mom was like, what are you doing? Like, what about all those years in school? And you make so much money and your career. And so I think. Even aside from the tape, right? Aside from the, example that had been set for me that was ingrained in my head, I was having that actual express conversation with my mother where she was like, what? So I did have a little bit of resistance there and conflict and like, am I doing the right thing? Like, yeah. Am I giving up, all these years that women have been trying to have careers and wanting to be at the boardroom table for diapers and spit up? Like, am I going backwards here? So my experience was a little interesting in that regard.

And then when I realized being home, that I still needed that something that was mine outside of mommy and wife, of course, I then felt the pull of, well, are you going to be there for every meal? Are you going to be able to do these things with your kids? Are you going to be eyeball to eyeball with them as much as you were before you decided to embark on this new career journey? And I felt that tug of war from both sides for many years. And that was very daunting for me. And I think what helped me the most was that I have a very supportive spouse and I was able to verbalize a lot of these concerns with him and talk through those with him. And I would say having someone in your corner, whether it's your spouse or your mother, or a really good friend, a business partner, somebody who can understand where you're coming from and empathize with those emotions is really important. I think that's part of the equation maybe we don't talk about enough, is having people in your inner circle who are like-minded and who will encourage you versus perhaps encouraging that guilty part that's talking to you. Like someone who's like, yeah, you really shouldn't go back to work because what are your kids going to do? Right? Like you need someone to kind of help you with that.

[00:07:58] Lori: Well, you know, that was a perfect segue there because that actually was a conversation that an older, wiser, I'm putting in air quotes, wiser, aunt shared, was, what am I doing, prioritizing myself over my kids. That's not what moms are supposed to do. And for me personally, I found that I was questioning, is this all there is to who I am by being in the home or, full time and I had this desire to stretch myself. What was your motivation? Because you clearly had a great role model and you had a career that you were enjoying and then you made the change. Was there something that motivated that for you? 

[00:08:46] Nikki: I think my perspective at the time was very all or nothing. I know now with experience that I'm not just a lawyer and I'm not just a mother. I can be both. And that is what your ideal mom life is about. And my quest, my mission is about harmonizing those two things.

So at the time, I felt like I cannot be a lawyer and be the mother I want to be. I'm in a financial situation where I don't need to practice law and therefore, I choose being the mother I want to be because I cannot be the mother I want to be if I'm also practicing law. That was my motivation. And then as I dove headfirst completely into motherhood to the point where I was like, what do I like doing again? When was the last time I brushed my teeth? I had no sense of self at that point, kind of pendulum swung the other way. I realized, okay, there's got to be some middle ground here. There has to be a place where I can be my whole self, kind of like what you were saying, like, I'm not just this one thing. There has to be more. And it was through a very long series of trial and improvement that I figured out how to harmonize those two things. And it can be done. And I think that is the takeaway, that it absolutely can be done. 

[00:09:57] Nola: I think that's where we want to go. And I know that from my own experience while raising a child and going back to school for my degree, I personally think that doing that really brings a sense of fulfillment and to backtrack, I did try also, I think it was a six-month period where I tried to be at stay-at-home mom. And I thought I'm a horrible mom when this is all I've got to do. It's like, let me out of here. And I want to say that I was a better mom when I had to balance an outside life. But, actually taking that step to go back to school and do what it takes, it's such a big step. And I think a lot of moms probably don't make that hurdle. In your experience, why is it so hard to prioritize our own needs, especially, when you're a mom? 

[00:10:43] Nikki: There is a deep-rooted belief, whether it came from your own family or just from watching TV as you were growing up, even grocery commercials, there's a deep-rooted belief that putting yourself first as a mother is selfish and it's a stigma almost. It's something that has to be overcome because even as you're listening to this and maybe you're nodding your head, there's a part of you that's like, well, it is selfish. And you really have to be intentional with your thoughts there and really think about what's selfish about it? If I'm spreading myself thin on everyone else to the point where I'm snapping at people, I don't have patience, I don't even want to help you with this homework because I really, really wish that I could just go do something for myself, are you really showing up as the mother you are wanting to show up as? Are you really giving anybody your best self by denying yourself that gift of time for yourself, whether it's a hobby, a side business, whatever it is, something for you, is denying yourself that really helping the rest of the family? And I think a lot of times the answer is no. 

Now, it doesn't always have to be a full-blown business that you're doing on the side. It could just be, you know what, I'm going to take 20 minutes every day to meditate. And for some moms, that's like, what? When would I even begin to find 20 minutes? And how do you meditate? And then, all the questions that come and that process, that sort of paralysis happens whether the goal is meditation or starting a business or going back to school. It's all really the same analysis. 

[00:12:15] Nola: Would you say that that stigma? And perhaps even that drag on really pursuing your own aspirations, do you think it's more difficult when your kids are younger as opposed to when they're older? Or do you feel like it's just same story, different age? 

[00:12:32] Nikki: I think that it can be the same story. In many ways, the physical demands are much higher when your children are younger. I mean, literally, they might not be able to walk and they might need you for every bodily function, you know, versus when they're older and they can do all those things themselves, but then they can tell you their opinions. They can say, why weren't you here? Or I wish you were here. I want you to help me with this. And then you have the guilt that you take on from that. So I think it just depends. I think in my situation when my kids were really little, I had a lot of opportunity to feel guilty about it because they did physically need me.

However, as they've grown up watching me put myself first and also, watching me go after big goals and sometimes fall short, but sometimes succeed. They have learned that this is a good thing. They respect it because it's become part of our family culture. And I want that for my kids. I want them also to put themselves first as parents when they get older. And every step along the way, even before they become parents, I want them to have that love and respect for themselves. And I will say, especially for my daughter, because I know that she's going to have different demands than my son will have as a parent. So the sooner you can start doing it, the better off everyone will be in your family.

[00:13:50] Nola: What you just described was a really good situation of modeling for your children. So you modeled, Hey, I'm taking time for me. I'm taking time for my aspirations. And this is the benefits to them that they would be able to do the same things for themselves. So, would you elaborate on that? What are the benefits of modeling self-care and pursuing your own aspirations for your kids at the different stages of development?

[00:14:19] Nikki: I think at the root of it all is love. And when I say love, I mean love for yourself from that. Everything else will fall into place because when you don't love yourself, you're not going to prioritize your needs over other people's when you should be. You're not probably going to talk to yourself the way you would need to talk to yourself to start something new or to go after a big, huge goal. And you may be perpetuating a story or a stigma that you don't even believe in and that isn't serving you. I think that all of those things are helping my kids and shaping the way they think. I mean, is everyday perfect? Do they definitely see me get frustrated or sometimes perhaps a little over scheduled?

Yeah, they see that, certainly. I think they know though, at the end of the day, where my heart is and what I'm doing and they respect it because they watch. It's not even about what I say anymore. They just watch me over and over, do what I say I'm going to do and go after my goals and dreams. And so when it comes time for them to try out for something or to go for something at school, they know from watching me do it. Okay, well, maybe I could do it too. If mom can do hard things, I can do hard things. And I think that is the greatest gift I can give them.

[00:15:34] Lori: Your comment gave me chills. And it reminded me that my kids are adults now and when they talk about that period of time in working and the things that I did first, some of the things that wore heavily on my shoulders is guilt, they don't even remember as adults. Right? So I find that fascinating. 

The second thing is. As I said, I didn't really have a role model and I definitely didn't have a role model that combined the two, right? Being a good enough mom and being a good enough employee or student or whatever it was that I was pursuing.

So for me, that became in hindsight, what I can see helped them know that they could do it too, and that they can withstand the ups and downs in figuring that out. The hardest part, though, is figuring it out. And one of the reasons is because we put the end result, that far overarching goal, as the major goal.

And recently, Nola and I had interviewed a career coach, Gretchen Skalka, and I pulled out her quote because I thought it was really important. She said, a lot of people will quit their goals before they reach them because in our minds, this is the single goal. I have to reach that goal, not understanding that there are a thousand mini goals that we're going to hit all along the way that make that one overarching goal possible.

So, with that in mind, I wanted to ask you, what advice would you offer to a mom who's listening, regardless of the age of her child, who may be feeling at this moment just overwhelmed with the idea of starting something? What would you say to her on how she can take those first steps forward? 

[00:17:26] Nikki: I say just start and then give yourself the win. Because what you just described are small wins. And small wins are what get you to... the big win. I once interviewed Gigi Fernandez, who is a 17-time Grand Slam doubles tennis champion. Like she's won Wimbledon five times. And she said, winning the tournament happens when you have a bunch of small wins along the way. That's how you get the big win. So, I tell moms just start. And wherever you decide to start, you give yourself the win for taking the first step, no matter how small it was. Because that one step got you this much closer to where you want to go. And every time you take a step, give yourself the win, congratulate yourself. I won at taking this next step. And then even if that step took you in a direction that you were like, oops, I should not have gone that way. It's still a win because now you have information you didn't have before, which is, okay this is how not to do this part. I need to pivot and try something else. Now I know for sure that doesn't work. And there are no bad outcomes, really. I mean, you just keep going. And then eventually, even though it feels like, okay, that was a little thing, a little thing here, a little thing there, you look back and you're like, wow, I've really come a long way. And that's how it happens. It isn't an overnight thing. Even the people who seem like overnight successes have a lot of small wins before that happened. And that is the absolute truth with that. 

[00:18:49] Nola: That is so true. 

[00:18:50] Lori: Thank I totally agree. Yeah, totally agree. 

[00:18:53] Nola: And I think the trick is recognizing a small win. You might think of it as a task, but really this is a reason to celebrate. I did this itty-bitty task. Yay. Happy dance. 

[00:19:05] Nikki: Well, and then it reinforces too, the decision to keep going and to take the next step. If you look at it as like, oh, I took a step and nothing happened. I didn't actually achieve anything; it makes it a lot harder to keep going. And that's why people do quit before they quote unquote reach the goal. It's because they haven't given themselves the gift of celebrating all of the things they've done before that. All of those things were achievements as well.

[00:19:31] Nola: I love that. A while back you had mentioned, how women can be wracked with guilt and just very insecure about starting something new, whether it's self-care or anything that has to do with personal growth. And I personally think that starting a side business is an aspect of personal growth. I not just getting another income stream. But with all that said, how can moms overcome those feelings of self-doubt or guilt and prioritize their own aspirations?

[00:20:02] Nikki: First and foremost, we have to all acknowledge that mom guilt is a choice. In a word, it is a choice. And just like Lori was saying before, she didn't say these words, but she was like, I chose to dwell on this and to feel guilty about it. And my kids were like, what are you talking about? That happened? So I think we have to remember that the way we berate ourselves for some things is almost always disproportionate and unnecessary. And we can't always control that first thought. But the second thought is where we need to take responsibility. And really ask ourselves, is me beating myself up about this, feeling guilty, and telling myself how awful a mother I am, helping anything? Has it changed miraculously what has already happened? And does it make me a better mother to sit here and stew in it? No, it doesn't. There are lessons to be learned. For example, I once felt so guilty because I forgot to send picture money with my daughter on picture day. Also forgot to dress her for picture day. They didn't even take her photo because I didn't give her the money and she's like everybody else's picture was taken and you didn't give me the money. I'm like, do you think now she cares about that? No, I however, seven years later, I'm still talking about it but I'm also talking about it as an example because I could have chosen not to dwell in it and just been like, okay Next time it's picture day, I'm going to put a reminder in my phone the day before, like as soon as I know it's picture day, so that this doesn't happen again.

Okay. That's fine. Like take the lesson and then forgive yourself and move on because the amount of time we spend feeling guilty isn't helping anything. It doesn't change anything. And it also doesn't positively impact the person we're feeling guilty about. So, if you want to apologize, apologize. But like stewing in it and dwelling in it, it's just not doing any good.

And that is a choice we're making. We are choosing to dwell instead of forgiving ourselves. Taking the lesson and moving on. So that is one of my biggest feelings and tips about mom guilt. And I really want to encourage moms to take a step back and be like, okay, you know what? I'm going to choose not to feel guilty about this because you didn't wake up this morning and look in the mirror and say, how can I be a bad mom? I'm going to, I'm going to really try to be a bad mom today. No one does that. You didn't do it on purpose. So stop beating yourself up.

[00:22:19] Lori: That is so true. And reframing it into a choice is empowering. Because in the moment, I was breaking tradition. I was doing things that family members and even friends that I had at that time, weren’t choosing a path that I was choosing. And I think that's really, really important because it goes back to something that you said earlier about surrounding yourself with people who actually support you.

And one of the reasons I think that is important is because along the way, whenever you're stretching yourself or combining like you can be a great mom or even a good enough mom Which is also a very great mom and your profession or a student or whatever it is you're doing, when you have people around you that support that even though that path is not clear, it's empowering. It is greatly empowering.

So, for people who might not have that role model in their life, for the mom who's been thinking about this, but doesn't know where to turn or even how to find that, besides your wonderful podcast, can you break it down and give some guidance of where do you begin to journey on a unique path that you create just for yourself?

[00:23:42] Nikki: You should surround yourself, even within the things you listen to, like a podcast, with things that are enforcing what you want to do and where you want to go. You can also do that with books. There are four books that I highly recommend that I feel like have really changed the trajectory of my personal growth journey. And things like that are really going to help you and they're so easily accessible. They're accessible to anybody. You don't have to have a really great friend who knows all about this stuff. And once you start on that path, you will become more discerning about who you listen to, who you allow to vent to you, who you vent to, and you will attract the people that you want to attract into your life.

Sometimes it's a matter of when people who are very close to you, people who are related to you are used to dumping on you all the time, perhaps you start putting up some boundaries and you don't engage when they're trying to get you to be part of their pity party because that stuff drags you down.

I mean, the five people you hang around the most are going to make up your thought process and your mindset. If you don't want to do drugs, you're not going to hang around five people who do drugs. That's just like a very basic example. So, if you want to be a mom who makes time for herself or who tries new things, perhaps your first step is reading one of these books.

books or listening to my podcast, this podcast, other podcasts that are going to give you a different perspective, a different mindset and some tools to use. And then it just happens slowly. Again, it's not necessarily something that's going to happen overnight, but I can look back and think of friends I don't talk to anymore. They're not part of my inner five. I don't wish them any harm and I still care about them very much. It's just our priorities have gone on different paths and that's okay. So it's going to happen and it's actually been really awesome for my personal growth. So I would say just start small and start with what's accessible.

[00:25:37] Lori: You know, in your example, it reminded me of an experience I had when my kids were growing up in which I had a friend that I did an awful lot with. Our kids were the same age, but as I moved in a different direction, I felt like the friendship came to a natural end. I didn't think anything about it until my daughter asked me why I wasn't friends with and I'll call her Amy why I wasn't friends with Amy any longer. And it wasn't that we had a fight. It wasn't something that I totally disagreed with her on. It was just an ending. And actually, at the time I didn't have the vocabulary to share that with her. But in hindsight, I can see that I was modeling choosing good friendships for my daughters. Do you see any other benefits that we're modeling for our kids when we take those steps forward?

[00:26:30] Nikki: again, it goes back to having that respect for ourselves and for our path and really, giving ourselves that permission to pursue what we want to pursue and what's going to serve us. And along with walking that walk comes with the people we choose to spend time with and the people that we choose to let into our space.

And I want to model for my kids that it is okay for friendships to naturally end. It doesn't have to be this life shattering experience and it doesn't have to be hurtful or mean. It's just a natural thing and as we grow and as we honor who we are and our goals and where we want to be, the people we want to become, that's going to happen and it's okay. You can still totally care about the person and still wonder how they're doing and reach out every now and then. It's just they're not influencing your mindset and your decisions. And I think that's the big difference there. They don't have to be completely cut out of your life entirely.

[00:27:28] Nola: So to continue with that thought about some of the first things you do when you want to pursue something new, we talked about, you know, surround yourself with supportive people. That is so important. On a practical level, starting something new I think we can all attest that it means starting new habits, making new decisions, taking those actions that may feel uncomfortable, but, but just doing it. And we know that at least for me, developing new habits, it’s not easy and it's even more difficult when you're raising children because, children take most of your energy. And I know that starting new habits takes energy as well. Are there any processes or methods to ensure that you have the capacity to even focus on your initiative? 

[00:28:12] Nikki: I think you must, must, must start small, as small as you can. You have to stop shoulding on yourself. Like, well, I should do this. No, no, no. What can you do? What can you do? And there is no shame in doing something tiny because tiny things create big progress. So I always tell people what is the smallest thing that you can do? Maybe it's literally you're going to drink four ounces more water today than you did yesterday. Or you wake up five minutes earlier instead of 20 minutes earlier.

Come on, you got five minutes in you, right? It has to be so small that it's like, of course I can do that. And then from there it'll compound. If we're taking the waking up early example, and you're waking up early so you can have that time to yourself, you try to wake up five minutes earlier for a week, and then after a week you're like, all right, I got this. So let's like, let's not just a 10 minutes until that feels normal. And eventually it might be 20, it might be 30. And what would you do with an extra 20 or 30 minutes in your day before your kids are awake, before everyone is tugging at your sleeve, asking you where their homework is, like you're supposed to know, or where their shoes are, et cetera.

You can go into that. already calm, having meditated, or maybe you read a romance novel for 20 minutes, or maybe you just had a cup of coffee and stared at TikTok, whatever it is to help you have time for yourself, you gave that to yourself by starting really, really small. And that applies to anytime you want to start something new.

So with starting a podcast for example, that to me felt like a very daunting, very scary, intimidating process. So I started really, really small and I just started like Googling, right? I can Google who can't Google, everyone could do that. And from there I started to get some really good information and I then the next step was, okay, I'm going to try one of these things and then eventually, I had a podcast and now I've had a podcast for three years and it's like, ain't no thing. But talk to me three years ago and I would have been like, what? No, this is so scary. So if your dream is to go back to school, maybe you start with something as simple as researching schools or even thinking about where in your day you might be able to fit this, whatever it is, just start with something really, really small. And then one little action begets another. And before you know it, you've created. This path to where you want to go. It has to be small though, because if we start big, we will get overwhelmed and we will probably quit because it will feel insurmountable. It will feel like it's too much. 

[00:30:45] Lori: For me, I'm a list builder. I carry a notepad, it has my things that I have to do, and I find satisfaction, truly, in crossing things off. But in those big things... I then break those down into smaller steps as well so that I can cross off the smaller or feel like I've accomplished something toward that goal. So if I don't have it listed, I have so much in my head that I end up forgetting something. So that's my default for moving forward. What do you do? Do you have any time management tools that you suggest that you can plug in and get that satisfaction of crossing off your to do list? 

[00:31:29] Nikki: Yeah, I have a lot of time management tips, especially for working moms. I actually have a, an entire course on it called Time Boss. The thing that works for me to start with, because it's so overwhelming and the thing I encourage all moms to do, is sort of the reverse of what you just said. It's a mental dump. So dump everything out before I break it down, before I organize it, before I do anything. Just completely dump. everything that's swimming around in my brain onto paper in one place. And these things that I'm writing down have nothing to do perhaps with each other, but they're all in my head. And so getting them out on paper serves two purposes. One, it feels good. It's just really cathartic to get it out.

And two, it's all captured. Once I get it out of my head and onto paper, it's. It's recorded somewhere. And then I can go back and look through and think about, okay, what must I do? What would I merely like to do? What do other people need me to do? What can I delegate to other people? And then once I have it whittled down or perhaps highlighted in colors that mean I must do these things, then I can start prioritizing and making time in my schedule for the must do things, and. I always say that it has to do with self-care or one of your really big, hairy, audacious goals, it's a must do. You cannot wiggle out of self-care. That's a must do. But everything else, you just kind of go with your gut and again, trial and improvement. Take one little step. Okay. I tried to fit this in this week and it didn't work and think about why didn't I make this a priority this week? Is it really that important to me or am I holding myself back because it's intimidating? That part too is really great. Once you have the mental dump list, like reflecting on what made it into your calendar, what actually got done and what didn't and why. 

[00:33:11] Lori: First, I love the idea of the mental dump. I think that is brilliant and I like how you've organized it. For me, I'll give you an example. If I don't have my exercise. It's literally sitting in my calendar, I won't do it. I have learned that lesson. And the other benefit for putting it on my calendar is that I will do almost anything possible to avoid removing it and replacing it with something else because I've worked so hard to build it into my schedule.

Do you put things on your calendar to ensure that you follow through? What's your default for ensuring it gets done? 

[00:33:52] Nikki: My default is preparing the night before and getting every detail into place, so that all I have to do the next day is execute. And when I say every detail, I mean, I do things like I put the coffee in the filter and make sure the water's in the coffee machine and the cup is already under the spout. So all I have to do is press a button. With working out, I have the clothes that I'm going to wear sitting out and any equipment I'm going to need already out. So there's no excuse. There's no reason for me not to just execute. And that really has been effective for me. I do that with everything. I do that with meals. I do that with outfits. I, sometimes, if I know I'm going to have a really crazy morning I will put out the steps of my makeup that I need to put on. I'll have, like, first I'm going to do this and it's all out on the counter. I want to remove any variable that might prevent me from getting this stuff done. So that really works for me. Really thinking about it the night before helps me also to visualize myself doing it. 

[00:34:53] Nola: That makes sense. 

[00:34:54] Lori: I think I just got some new tips that I want to put into place because basically you're front loading so that you can execute. Simply. Mm hmm. 

[00:35:04] Nola: So I do that and I'll tell you what I did today. So I usually do get everything ready with the coffee and it's even programmed to automatically be pouring as I get up so that that smell will force me to ignore my snooze button. And I get my clothes ready the night before because if I don't, I will fall asleep staring at my closet wondering what to wear.

So I try to save time by making crockpot meals. And sometimes I will try to prompt myself by putting the crock pot on the countertop, but unfortunately, I will walk right past that crock pot in a sleepy stupor, pour my coffee, totally disregard it. And then at noon realize, Oh my goodness, this should have been cooking already for a few hours.

So last night. I thought, okay, what can I do to make sure that I get this ready? so I had part of the crock pot, you know how the bowl fits into the heating element. I had the bowl sitting in front of the coffee pot. So I had to move it over back to the heating element on another counter. So I was forced to go to that side of the kitchen where I also had the cutting board, any vegetables that didn't have to be refrigerated that would go in there.

The only thing I had to pull out was the meat. There have been times where I've actually cut up the vegetables themselves and had them ready to go. This time I didn't do that, but I actually had it in on time because it was right there and I, I needed my coffee. So I had to do something with that big crockpot bowl.

[00:36:28] Nikki: I think we all know ourselves. So I talk about myself like. Nicky today is going to do this for Nicky tomorrow and Nicky tomorrow is going to be so happy Nicky today did it. Because I know Nicky tomorrow is going to be like, Oh, I should have done this before everything was going crazy. Like in the crockpot example, I did that on Tuesday. I knew I was going to have a late night at work and I came home to a cooked meal because the night before, I got everything in a freezer bag. I didn't freeze it, but everything was in the freezer bag in the fridge with the Crock Pot on the counter. And if I had not done that, that meal would never have made it into the Crock Pot because I did it the night before. I was like, All right. All you got to do is dump it in the pot and turn it on. You can do that. You, you can handle that because I know myself. I know the next day I would have been like, I don't have time for that. And we would have had to eat Chick fil A. 

[00:37:19] Lori: Which might not have been a bad thing, but for the kids, right?

[00:37:22] Nikki: They would have loved that, but they did love, they loved what I made. I made a really yummy chicken chili and they're like, this is amazing. I'm like, yes it is. Thank you. 

[00:37:31] Lori: Well, speaking of knowing ourselves so well, since your work includes helping moms, love their mom life, we were wondering what is your mom superpower?

[00:37:43] Nikki: I'm very encouraging. encouraging to myself as well. And I think that is a huge superpower because I encourage people I collaborate with. I encourage other moms to step out of their comfort zones because we need everyone to step into their gifts and to share them with the world. I encourage my kids and then I encourage myself.

Because I know that there are people who need to hear what I have to say. And I have definitely had moments where I'm like, is anyone listening? Maybe I should just stop talking. But no, because I'm an encourager, I have taken, responsibility for that second thought and I encourage myself to continue and to persevere.

[00:38:21] Nola: I love that. Awesome. Thank you, Nikki, for being our guest again. We're sure your personal and professional experiences along with your real-world tips and suggestions are going to inspire and motivate a lot of ambitious moms to make room for starting something new, whether in their personal or professional life. Before you go. How can listeners get in touch with you? Where should they go if they want to learn more about you, your podcast, your book, or any upcoming programs? 

[00:38:48] Nikki: First and foremost, let's be friends. So find me on Instagram if you're there. I'm at Nikki Oden, and that's N I K K I O D E N, and you can get tips, tricks, and the links to all of my... sites, or you can visit youridealmomlife.com, or you can go to Apple or wherever you listen to podcasts and search for Love Your Mom Life. And if you are interested in learning more about Time Boss, you can find that on youridealmomlife.com. On the homepage, there's a pink button that says Start Here, and you can get more information by clicking on that.

[00:39:21] Nola: Perfect. We'll be sure to put links to all of those sites and resources, and we'll put those in our show notes as well. Well, Listener, we hope the ideas and thoughts shared here today have sparked your interest in curiosity to make a change or to become a first-time entrepreneur in the second half of your vibrant life. Be sure to stick around to the very end of the podcast. For a fun chuckle. 

[00:39:41] Lori: If you found the information we've shared helpful and want more tools, tips, and inspiration delivered to your inbox, sign up for News You Can Use over at our website, sticky brand lab. com, or click the link in our show notes and remember small steps, big effects. 

 [OUT-TAKE]

[00:40:02] Nola: Thank you, Nikki, for being our guest. We are sure your personal and professional experiences, along with your real-world tips and suggestions are going to expire

[00:40:14] Nikki: I hope they don't expire. Inspire. Sure. They are going to expire on July 4th.

[00:40:30] Lori: I don't even know where that one came from, but that is funny.

[00:40:34] Nola: I meant to say inspire.