Sticky Brand Lab Podcast

157 From Micro Stress to Micro Bliss: Practical Interventions That Work!

• Lori Vajda & Nola Boea • Episode 157

Share episode

Have you ever noticed how small setbacks and minor annoyances can accumulate until you feel as if one more could just about push you over the edge?  While microstressors are an integral part of life, with the right tools and mindset, they can be harnessed to our advantage.

In this final episode of our three-part series on microstressors, Lori and Nola equip you with quick and easy stress management techniques that can turn microstressors into powerful tools for success. Don't let that sneaky microstress disempower you; let's harness it together to create a more positive, empowering journey.

Thanks for listening! Let’s stay connected!

If you enjoyed this show, subscribe to the podcast wherever you listen. That way, you’ll never miss an inspiring, motivating episode.

Want more helpful tools, tips, and inspiration delivered to your inbox? Sign up for “News You Can Use” at Sticky Brand Lab

We love hearing your feedback! Leave or voice your message here

If you haven’t already, please connect with us on Facebook!

Would you like to be a featured guest or have your question, comment, or review mentioned? Ask Muse!

Business success strategies are in the works. Come have a listen!

In This Episode, You’ll Learn 

  • The importance of recognizing and responding to small stressors appropriately.
  • How to tune into your body's response to different situations so you can cut stress off at the pass.
  • How to apply invaluable, easy-to-do stress-relief techniques.
  • Tips on asking for help effectively and communicating your boundaries to others.


Key points Lori and Nola are sharing in this episode:

12:35  Your answers to these questions reveal when and how to stop a stressor in its tracks.
8:17 Do any of these signs of stress ring true for you?
23:32  Safe, savvy boundary-setting tactics to protect your time and energy.
28:48  The most effective way to get someone to WANT to help take some of the load off.

Resources

For a deeper dive into the effects of unchecked microstress, listen to Episodes 148 & 149.

Subscribe to Lori and Nola's show (we love you and want to make it easy) on Apple Podcasts, Audible, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

ConvertKit: Our #1 Favorite Email Marketing Platform   (This is an affiliate link)

Nola:

Life can be challenging at times, whether it's in your personal life, your business or both. The reality is that stress is a natural part of life, right? So while you may not be able to change who or what causes you stress, you can definitely change how you think about it and what you do to either be empowered or disempowered. That's right, you heard me correctly. You can use stress, even micro-stress, to your advantage or disadvantage. Stay tuned, friend, because we're sharing tips, tricks and action steps you can take to flip the script on micro-stress. Welcome to Sticky Brand Lab, where we bridge the gap between knowledge and action by providing you with helpful info, tips and tools from entrepreneurs and other experts so you can quickly and easily jumpstart your side business. We're your hosts. I'm Nola Boea, and this is my co-host, Lori Vajda. Hey, Lori.

Lori:

Hi Nola. Hey, Nola, I have a question for you. What has been your experience with stress, and that includes micro-stress? I know I just asked you a very open-ended question, but I was wondering if your experience or how you deal with it, or your thoughts and ideas, are similar to that of most people's. What's?

Nola:

my experience with stress. Well, that is a loaded question. Might even be stressful to answer it.

Lori:

I know I can already feel my own anxiety.

Nola:

Well, I've actually looked back and felt like you ever hear that frog in boiling water analogy. Actually, it's kind of morbid when you talk about it. You can put a frog in the cold water and heat it gradually, and it's so gradual and it has a really bad ending.

Lori:

But you mean the frog dies?

Nola:

The frog dies because the frog doesn't jump out of the water because it's so gradual. It does not realize that the water's getting hot and adjusts and adjusts, and adjusts, and adjusts, until it's just chronic and fatal. Well, I have actually likened my stress level, my gradual stress level, to a frog in boiling water recently, because, over time, just different circumstances have come up from caretaking for an ill family member to taking on more responsibility at work, to taking on more responsibility outside of work, and then just a lot of life events. I will say, though, that I have jumped out of the water, so I'm a really smart frog and have learned some techniques to handle it, and I will say they are helping and it's a process, but I do feel I'm aware of it, I'm getting better, and some of the things we're going to share today is hopefully going to help others too.

Lori:

So I think your viewpoint is very similar to that of most people. We tend to think of stress and the stressor as interchangeable, and by stressor I mean the thing that caused it. They're not. Stress is actually a one-time reaction that your body has in response to an event, a person, a situation, even your thoughts. And I say a one-time event. But what can happen is the more that we encounter similar events or people or situations. What happens is our body then continues to have that response of hormones, and so that is referred to as chronic stress.

Lori:

So when you separate out the body's stress reaction to a stressor or a microstressor, you realize that those are the symptoms that happen or are the result of that perceived danger or threat.

Lori:

Now what do I mean by danger or threat? In today's world, that can be something as simple as a looming work deadline, a colleague you struggle to get along with. It can be worrying about losing your job or your business, but it can also be something as small as trying to find a parking space or trying to get your lunch in while you're sitting in a meeting, or little things like that. So when we understand it from this perspective, we can see how a trigger leads the body and mind to respond reflexively, automatically, by becoming self-aware, you have the opportunity to choose how, when and in what way you want to intervene, rather than kind of feeling like you're at the mercy of your stress or your stress is just totally out of control. To bring this even closer to home, you and I have been working on this topic in a number of episodes, and today was all about interventions. Right, but right now, listener, we had to do an appointment in one location and we were going to be in this location for a week, so we packed up our dog.

Nola:

You're talking about you and your husband, right? Yes, not me and you this is true, I am talking about me and my husband.

Lori:

Yes, we packed up a trailer. We were in this temporary location for a week. We also, at the beginning of the summer, moved out of our home. So we were living in temporary home for the summer and when we came back we were moving into a new home. In the course of moving into the new home, we had a number of clients that we were working with that had deadlines that we were trying to meet. You and I were trying to meet. Yes, my husband and I were trying to unpack and we have an upcoming trip that we had planned long ago that just happened to coincide during all of this. So basically, what I'm saying is I am under. Amounts of stress by a number of stressors Make sense.

Nola:

Yes, it totally makes sense. So even recording and providing these tips and tools were totally speaking for ourselves, especially you right now.

Lori:

I am, so am I am relating to this and implementing many of the techniques that we're about to share with you today, listener, because I've been using them myself Me too.

Nola:

So here we go. Here we're going to share today some tips, tools, techniques for thinking about managing and reducing microstressers, and many of the ideas we're about to share can also apply to these major stressors as well. So if this is your first time listening, you will want to check out Episode 148, because that's where we discuss the effects of unchecked stress, particularly in the impact of that gradual accumulation of microstressers.

Nola:

And you'll also want to check out Episode 149, where we discuss ways to develop self-awareness. Basically, it's to learn more about the specific stressors, such as people, situations, thoughts that lead to that fight or fight response in your life.

Lori:

But before we get into the specific interventions, remember, listener, everyone experiences stress. That's normal. That's natural. And sometimes stress can feel overwhelming and when that happens on an ongoing basis, it can lead to anxiety. The point here is it's how you manage stress, not whether you experience it that matters. And just in case you aren't familiar with the ways stress can affect you physically and emotionally, here's a short list of a few health problems. Stress, ongoing stress and microstressers that build over time can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, obesity, depression and I mentioned anxiety. But it can even cause skin problems like acne or eczema, and even menstrual problems. And, by the way, for those who might be listening, and if you are under a lot of stress and trying to start a family, it can contribute to infertility problems as well.

Nola:

See, all of these are really major physical health problems and makes it really worth your while to address any stress in your life.

Lori:

Yeah, I want to add those were health problems, but I want to also let you know that there's a whole list of physical and emotional problems people experience when stress becomes overwhelming. Nola, do any of these ring true for you? Diarrhea or constipation, forgetfulness, frequent headaches or aches and pains, lack of energy or focus, sexual problems, stiff jaw, tiredness, trouble sleeping or even sleeping too much, upset stomach, use of alcohol or drugs to relax and here's a big one Weight loss or weight gain.

Nola:

Well, you asked me if any of these ring true for you, and several of them do, and I won't necessarily go into detail, but I will say that I only recently recognized that these symptoms are a cluster that can all point to stress, and only when I recognize them as a cluster that I realized that I really needed to address some of the causes of stress. I will say that, while it takes practice, I found it a relief to know that there are ways to mitigate things like okay, I'll say it, weight gain. I mean some serious weight gain, trouble sleeping, forgetfulness. I actually have a way to mitigate the stressors and the microstressors to help address those symptoms.

Lori:

That's awesome because this list for me. There were a number of things as I shared earlier some of the big stressors that I'm facing and many of this list ranked true for me as well. Especially, this is where I have trouble sleeping, because I often wake up in the middle of the night thinking about the things that I have to do or getting clarity on the thing that I can now handle and take care of, which is a very bad timing, but it's true, and forgetfulness is another one. I have lists galore happening right now.

Nola:

Oh yeah, I can totally relate and you know what you carry yourself so well. You would never know you were under stress. Oh, thank you Me. What I used to do, probably over a decade ago, is I would just grab the alcohol and drink to numb that symptom of a knot in my stomach. I don't do that anymore, but we'll talk about ways that can mitigate stress now.

Lori:

A lot of people use that as an example, but a lot of people will do that after work drink to relax. So the thing here is using that as a way to relax rather than some healthier alternatives to relaxing. I think that's what you're really talking about.

Nola:

Well, a relaxing glass of wine is nice. A relaxing bottle of wine is concerning Good point Nola.

Lori:

Very good point. I'm now going to get rid of my bottle of wine.

Nola:

Well, listen, as we mentioned earlier, stress is a reaction to an actual or perceived threat, and we're usually pretty aware of the major stressors, like the ones Lori just mentioned moving and having so many things to do in a short period of time, or other stressors like getting in a car accident. But did you know that stress can also come from things that are positive in our lives, such as a promotion You've got extra responsibility, but it's exciting A move, or becoming a parent to a newborn, getting a new pet or even getting married. I read that it takes about 10 years to get used to living with your new spouse. So even if you're not really a newlywed anymore, that stress of adjustment could really last a long time.

Lori:

Just saying that is fascinating to me and makes so much sense because as you build trust in the relationship and you bring two different perspectives together and navigate that, I can see where that takes a long time. Now it makes me wonder if it takes almost twice as long before you become comfortable with your kid, like hence age 21.

Nola:

That's an interesting episode. We'll get there. Here's the interesting thing the brain does not differentiate between good and bad stress, it just responds. So with that in mind, let's get started filling your toolbox with some tips and tools. Now. The first step in intervening is to tune into your body's reaction in different circumstances. You can do this by asking yourself a few questions, such as am I experiencing a reaction such as? For me, it might be a nod in my tummy. We discussed this a lot in Episode 149, so I'm not going to go into much detail here, other than to say that, once you've determined how and where you feel it in the body, you can then delve a little further by asking yourself a few more questions, such as is this a temporary stress or is it an ongoing one? And if it's ongoing, is it with a particular person, recurring situation, a recurring thought? And am I just now becoming aware of this, or is this something that's been nagging at me for a while? I?

Lori:

love these questions because often what happens is we minimize or we discount the cues that our bodies are giving us, instead of tuning into it, even our emotional reaction. Maybe you found yourself getting angry really quickly, or all of a sudden feeling very sad very quickly. Those are all signs that something's going on. Your emotions and your physical, somatic symptoms are giving you information, but because we're not self-aware as to how we are feeling in the moment or the person that is triggering some of this for us, we discount it, we ignore it altogether, and so, for me, this is a really great example of how stress can be used to our advantage or disadvantage. If you're aware, if you know that your body is sending you signals that something isn't quite right, you can make the decision of what you're going to do about it or if you're going to do anything about it Now. This can work to your advantage in the way of let's say that you have a looming deadline and you recognize you're feeling an adrenaline rush. Stress can do that for you and you're going to use that to accomplish the task at hand. By asking yourself and answering those questions, you're able to identify the stressor and you can then decide how you want to deal with it or if you want to let it go. Really, this is important because it helps you determine an intervention or even if an intervention is necessary.

Lori:

Let me give you an example Techniques for letting go of stress. They can include things like taking three deep, full belly breaths. Now you can try this to the count of four, four, four. This is where you breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four and release for a count of four. For me personally, that last one. I often inhale belly breath very deeply, so I can often find that a count out of six or eight is enough to really do a deep relaxation.

Lori:

What deep breathing does is it elicits the body's relaxation response, which in fact, reduces your blood pressure. This is important because often we hold on to stress. When we hold on to stress, what happens to our breathing is we actually hold our breath. Many people will recognize this like you're at the dentist and they're like breathe. That's because we're anticipating what's going to happen and that anticipation makes us hold our breath.

Lori:

The other thing that we do under stress is we shallow breathe. When I was practicing full belly breaths, I realized I didn't know how to do it. I did not know how to inhale deeply from the belly. I was trying to inhale and it was coming from my chest, so I was expanding out my lungs but I wasn't getting the maximum breath, so I really wasn't doing the relaxation response that was going to help me. By the way, you can practice deep breathing regardless of whether you want to let it go, let it go or you're addressing a major stress. I know that for some people they start their day with some deep breathing. Then they might do that again at lunch and then maybe at night before going to bed to prepare themselves to get ready for sleep. They just incorporate it as a habit.

Nola:

When I am in some mind-numbing or frustrating meetings I find that I do very shallow breathing. It's almost like I can't even imagine how I get oxygen because it's like almost I forget to breathe. I've learned that 4-4-4 and I have started doing it. I will say that after that third time of doing the in-4 count, hold-4 count, out-4 count, by the end of the third time I have literally been able to feel my nervous system reboot to a calm level. I'm in a calmer state and I can handle it. It really does work.

Lori:

You know, one of the things that happens when we are in a relaxed state is it helps us with creativity and problem solving. But we've got a few other techniques to try. If you want to let it go, here are a few other techniques. One is journaling.

Lori:

There's something very powerful about actually picking up a pen and writing it down, as opposed to typing. It turns out, according to research, that typing is automated. We don't even give it a thought as to what we're really typing out. But when we write, we have to concentrate on each letter and the thought that accompanies it. Some of the benefits of writing things down is it allows you to dump the thought that's in your head or been swirling around in there, because what happens when we get stressed is we tend to replay the situation or our response to that person or the event over and over again in our head, not only after it's happened, but days after it's happened. Writing it down gives you a way to release it, put it someplace safe and move on that explains why pen journaling your brain dump is actually a letting go technique.

Lori:

Exactly. Here are a few other mini interventions that you can try. Really, I like to think of it as snack size. These are things that you can do to interrupt that fight, flight and, in some cases, freeze response that your brain and body naturally gear up for when stress is triggered. One of those is a brief walk outside or even inside. It can be in your home, it can be in your office. The idea is that you're getting out of the situation and the environment in which the stressor is affecting you and you're getting a different perspective. Even walking outside to your porch can have a benefit. It doesn't have to be a long stroll, it can be a minute, it can be five minutes, but that's enough to excuse yourself from the environment and get a new perspective.

Lori:

Meditate for one minute. If you can meditate for three minutes, great. If you can meditate longer, great. But you can get maximum benefit from a one-minute meditation. Phone a friend to say hello. It's not about sharing the wrong or the frustration that happened, because that actually gets you geared up and makes the stressor last longer. Here you're just saying I called to say hello, wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. I hope you have a great day and I'll talk to you later, hearing that voice on the other side. That same benefits you get from taking a walk or doing one-minute meditation. Another one listen to some music. Along the lines of listen to music, try this one Wash your hands to the tune of a song. Even happy birthday works. Even that 30 second of intervention can help reduce stress.

Nola:

I would like to add to that Well, I have invested in affectionately call them bell balls.

Lori:

Let me just interrupt you here. Just listen, in case you're not able to see the video or the video is not up when you're listening to this. Imagine two hockey pucks in your hand Very good.

Nola:

They aren't the size of hockey pucks but they're actually speakers that have an individual bell inside. Somehow they're connected with each other but they elicit independent tones that fluctuate or resonate in different ways and it's unique every single time you turn them on. It's really called the now tone therapy system. Now apparently is an acronym for new origin waveforms, because it really does use tone and when you turn them on it really draws you into listen to the tones very actively and to hear how they're going to fluctuate and interact with each other. And people say that they get into a meditative state in three minutes from these, in a way that normally might take them 20 minutes with your traditional silent meditation. I will say that one time I did that right before a one on one with a teammate and the bells ended just as the meeting began and he looked at me and he said you know, you know you're not going to. Wow, you look so peaceful, You're glowing, Wow, Wow. Apparently it's noticeable.

Lori:

We should all get some balls in our hands then.

Nola:

I didn't have the balls in my hands at that time.

Lori:

But the result was obvious. Yes, you were in a deep relaxation state in three minutes.

Nola:

Yes, exactly.

Lori:

And I think that's the whole point of those bite size interventions that you can do that have a maximum impact.

Nola:

Yeah, absolutely Switching gears. Now let's talk about boundary interventions. This is where you want to address the situation or the person, and it's especially important when it comes to micro stressors. So they do not continue, because it's often those small things that we think that we can easily take care of. They're not a problem, but those are actually the things that are building your stress level. Examples things like having to repeatedly backtrack for a forgetful family member, or the slightly increased time demands from team members that are always asking you for help. Those are just a few examples. I'm not going to go on, because we do talk a lot about those in episodes both 148 and 149. But today we're talking about how to address them and here's a few things you can say to intervene by setting your boundaries. To get into this, do you find yourself saying yes to things that you want to say no to? I know.

Lori:

I do.

Nola:

Because saying no can immediately cause more stress.

Lori:

Because it's like us.

Nola:

But if you find a way to set a boundary that's really important in the long term, start by considering that you might have to build your no muscle. Here are some ways to say no. Choose the suggestions that work for you and just leave what doesn't. You'll know it feels right. So here we go. I would love to help, but I already have some prior commitments.

Nola:

When you say that, it allows you to express your willingness to assist, but it also respectfully asserts your boundaries. Thank you for inviting me, or thank you for thinking of me, or thank you for wanting to include me, but I need to pass this time period. I need some time to think it over. Can we revisit this later? When you use that phrase, it is a way to keep from blurting out, yes, if you're feeling on the spot and it buys you some time. I understand this is important, but I can't give it the attention it deserves at the moment. This phrase is especially helpful when sending boundaries with your kids or, I found when when setting boundaries with community organizations, because when you volunteer for one organization and they find, oh, she's willing to do this, maybe she's willing to do this other thing for other committee.

Lori:

I remember working in a nonprofit and also being networking groups, and one of the phrases that is commonly used is if you want something done, ask a busy person, because busy people get things done. But also busy people are under a lot of stress because they have a very difficult time saying no.

Nola:

And if this is you, then you need to learn how to do that with some of these phrases. And another phrase that works is this one you know I value our relationship, so I need to be honest about my limits or my time commitments, and this really does work well with those family members, friends and those committees that want you to do things for them too. Here's another one that you can use when you're under stress because somebody is kind of wanting to argue with you or take a different stance and you're just feeling under stress because you really don't agree with them and you don't want to get into an argument. Here's what you say. You know it sounds like we're coming at this from two different perspectives. Let's schedule a time to talk further so we can find a solution that works for both of us, See there. So you've bought yourself time, You've backed out of what could have been a triggering situation and both of you can come to the table probably level headed.

Lori:

I would like to add one more to your list, okay, and that is that no in and of itself is a complete sentence. Do you find it difficult just to say no without adding any commentary? Always?

Nola:

Almost always. But I also know that when I'm stressed out, it's the best thing to do and to try to give an explainer, it's kind of disempowering as well.

Lori:

That's a really important piece here, because what happens when we offer up the explanation to justify our reason for setting clear boundaries? It disempowers us. Less is more and along those lines, clear, concise communication is key, and we've given you some great things to say when setting boundaries. There's two more I'd like to add, and this really has to do with asking for help. This is the one thing I particularly find challenging, and I know many other people do as well, particularly women, although I am finding that many men find saying no difficult and my husband is one of those when it comes to our relationship, because he really does want to help me out and so he'll go that extra distance, but what ends up happening is because he hasn't said some of those suggestions that you've said above. I have an expectation that he's going to get it done, and all I've done is add to his list of stress, knowing that it happens to men and women alike. I wanted to be able to say that asking for help can be very, very empowering, but knowing how to ask it in a way that works for you, that can be the challenge. So here are two tips. The first is can you help me with something? It seems like a small thing to say right, here's the thing. There's a big difference between saying do this, which is kind of barking out in order, and that can happen at home, it can happen with your kids, it can happen with your partner and it can happen at work Do this and I'll do this. Now imagine saying I'm really feeling overwhelmed right now. Can I ask you to help me out by taking out the garbage? Or can I ask you to help me out by making this call? It's a great way to ask for help. Another, you were right, I was wrong or I was wrong. I should have said something when you asked me about doing this. Whatever this is, can we revisit this?

Lori:

Often, in our desire, listener, to help others, we sometimes bite off way more than we can chew. We often think at that point that it's too late to change the outcome. But the reality is, if you don't ask, the answer is it's definitely too late to change the outcome. Often, what the other person will experience when you come to them especially the quicker you can come to them is relief to know that they now can go find someone else who can help them out, instead of waiting on you and then you not doing the best job possible that you could do, so asking for help. It's an empowering way for you to manage stress, microstress and major stress. The trick is learning how to do it.

Nola:

Good advice. Well, friend, we hope the ideas and action steps we've offered so you can mitigate your microstressers have sparked your interest, curiosity and willingness to prioritize your own needs reduce your microstressers, improve your well-being and maybe even become a first-time entrepreneur in the second half of your vibrant life. Now be sure to stick around to the very end of the podcast for a little fun.

Lori:

If you found the information we've shared helpful and want more tips, tools and inspiration delivered to your inbox, sign up for news you can use over on our website at stickybrandlabcom. And remember small steps, big effects.