JESS: Welcome back, folks, you’re tuned in to 1110 AM on that little dial, nowhere, on air. It’s me, your host and pal, Jess, live from the station with some noise to shatter the heavy silence brought by the impending dusk.
We don’t have too much in terms of scheduled content tonight, so hopefully we’ll have a moment to take a few calls later on.
So don’t wander off! Who knows where you’ll end up?
*music*
First, the weather.
Old man Wilbur says a storm’s on it’s way because he found seven coffee grounds at the bottom of his coffee at Mountainview diner this morning. Weatherman Todd Stevenson says science agrees, and predicts a 90% chance of a thunderstorm blowing in over our heads within the next little while, probably just after sunset.
That’s very exciting to hear. I love storms. Keep your eyes on the skies, folks, and be extra nice to anything powered by electricity for the next little while. Maybe offer a few encouraging words, like “Wow, you’re doing a great job, converting that electricity into functional energy!” We don’t want another power outage like the one we had a few summers ago, do we?
*music*
Let’s take a look at the news.
The river started flowing backwards today. It took people half an hour to figure out something was wrong. Everyone just stood on the banks for a while, humming and hawing with their fingers on their chins going “something’s different…”
At this moment, there are no apparent consequences as a result of this change, but it is certainly puzzling and just a little concerning.
When asked about a plan of action, Mountie John, superintendent of the local RCMP division, said in a statement that, quote “we don’t really have jurisdiction over rivers, or the laws of nature, or- is this physics?” and, “honestly, we’re just hoping it’ll- fix itself. I’m sure it will in time.”
We’ll let you know if there are any other developments that arise from this situation, but I want to assure you all that it’s probably nothing to worry about. Weird things happen sometimes. Worrying is seldom an effective means of fixing them. You can’t worry a river into flowing the way it's supposed to. You can’t worry something into ‘un-happening.’ I’ve tried.
*music fades, birdsong*
Braedon’s amateur bird watching society would like to remind you to take care to be sure you know the difference between song birds and the other things that aren’t birds that sit in the trees, singing. If you aren’t sure which, don’t look up, but leave out some bird seed anyways.
Whichever it is, I’m sure it’ll appreciate it.
*bird song stops*
You know the building? The one across the river bank, half a kilometer from the water filtration building. The big, empty one no one really knows anything about except that its… well, big and empty and abandoned and strangely industrial?
Well, I met a lady in town today who wasn’t from town. It’s okay, she’s gone, and I promise she wasn’t that scary, or carrying any dark, nefarious secret that could one day bring about our destruction, as far as I could tell. But I’m not the greatest judge of character.
Anyways, I could tell she was from out of town because she was very well dressed, smelled vaguely of smog and busy streets and tall, steel boned buildings- also, it's a small town and I’d never seen her before, and we were at the gas station. She was paying for her gas and I was there not doing that, and so I asked what brought her to town, if she was just passing through, or. She said sort of, which was a little confusing, but then she explained she had just finalized the purchase of the building- y’know, the one I was talking about earlier.
I pretended to be excited, even though I liked the building exactly the way it was: abandoned, gradually crumbling with age, and wonderfully explorable. Not that I have ever been inside, because that’s trespassing.
Anyways, so I asked her “what are you planning on doing with the building?” so I could tell all of you what was to become of it, and she suddenly became very serious and guarded, and told me that she was working on behalf of an unnamed corporation, and she wasn’t at liberty to identify any further details.
Fun! I said, not sure how to respond, and she got back in her sleek, expensive looking car and that was that. So folks, just so you know: not that any of us have ever trespassed on that property because it’s always been illegal, from now on its “chain link fences, security cameras, probable arrest, and almost definite criminal charges” illegal. So there’s that to consider.
*music and faint thunderstorm sounds*
As you have probably heard and can probably hear right now, both through the radio waves and outside your own homes: the thunderstorm is upon us, raging outside.
Oh, it’s my favourite time of year. Storm season. When the sky becomes slabs of stormy-sea marble cracking against each other, and bright, white, searing hot spears of energy and light disappear as quickly as they flash, swallowing the sky for a brief moment in the colour of eternity. Honestly, it’s taking a lot of self control right now to stay put and not go outside and stand in a field to absorb this storm.
But, I can’t. I know I can’t.
One, I have a job to do and a duty to you, the listeners.
And two, as Martha has repeatedly reminded me over the years, standing in an open field in a thunderstorm- and having my strangely bad luck- is a good recipe for getting struck by lightning.
Have you ever been struck by lightning? I haven’t, but I always thought it would be interesting. Fun, even; if that’s not too insensitive. Which doesn’t really help in deterring me from fulfilling my desire of watching the storm from beneath it, in a flat, flowering meadow.
Anyways. Back to our regularly scheduled programming… what’s next? Ah. Time to pay the bills, here’s a word from our sponsor.
*music, meditative soundscape*
Think of a colour. Pick a shade and hold it in your mind.
Now, picture yourself reaching out and taking that colour in your hands. How does it feel? Is it soft? Cold? Damp? Does it create that ‘pins and needles’ sensation in the nerves of your palm?
Now, take a deep breath. How does the colour smell? Like freshly dug earth? Wet stones in a creek bed? A hint of lilac on a spring breeze?
Now listen: how does the colour sound? A crackling forest fire in the august air? The whistling of a gale force wind? Sparrows, speaking softly outside your window in the quiet hours before dawn?
Finally- how does your colour taste? Saccharine maple poured out over the snow? Dust in the air after a rockslide? Molasses in a cup of rich coffee?
Pat’s Paints and Homeware supply store. There’s no paint’s like Pat’s, there’s no place like home.
*sounds end, back to faint storm sounds*
We received calls and social media messages from a number of you over the break regarding the current thunderstorm. Apparently, there are tendrils, extending from the cloud mass, like the swirling appendages of some terrible, Lovecraftian horror, according to multiple eyewitnesses.
I sent a text to Weatherman Todd to ask if perhaps it was a funnel cloud, or the early stages of a possible tornado, but he told me there was nothing on his radar to suggest that’s what it could be.
In fact, he said, to contradict what science had said earlier- there was nothing on the radar to indicate a storm was even taking place, and that there shouldn’t even be clouds in the sky.
But there are. Dark, brooding clouds, swallowing up the last remnants of daylight.
These clouds that shouldn’t be there, reportedly, appear as if they are pulsing, and reaching out and down towards the earth. Writhing and twisting, visible in the strobing flashes. Young Lizzie Shaw said in her tweet to us that she “gets the vibe that it’s alive, idk” and that it seems… squid-like.
I know what you mean, Lizzie.
More on this storm as it develops.
*music*
As summer continues, I know that it’s time where all you high school students out there apply to get summer jobs, and the prospect of your first job interview can be a frightening, unfamiliar thing, so today, we have for you: 6 tips for acing your job interview! Don’t worry, it’s a lot less gory than you may have been told.
2) A firm handshake and consistent eye contact are great ways to make a first impression. Do not blink for the entirety of the interview to prove they have your undivided attention, and show off one of the special skills they may ask about later.
3) Wondering what to wear? Dress for the job. Unless the job is [REDACTED FOR YOUR SAFETY]. Under no circumstances dress like that.
4) [Ancient whispering, stand by]
5) Your potential employer is legally not allowed to ask you about any illnesses, conditions, or curses you may have or have inherited from your family. You are in no way obliged to answer should the question arise.
6) Lastly, Do not give your potential employer your full name- specifically the legally mandated second name you were ritually given the dusk following your birth- not even after you get the job. You’ve been given that name for a reason. A secret reason. Most people give secrets a bad rep- they’ll tell you that they’re dangerous and will inevitably lead to your downfall. But sometimes, secrets keep you safe. Sometimes they are the barbed wire fence keeping out the things with fur and fangs.
*music stops, storm sounds louder*
Folks, we’re gonna open up the phone lines here and take your calls about the current storm situation. It’s right on top of us now, the studio trembles with each roll of thunder, and we had to close the blinds because the lightning is coming rapidly now and, well, it’s almost unbelievably bright. And green.
*SOME CLICKING SOUNDS*
Uh, well, nevermind listeners- it seems the phones are down. Not sure if that was the wind or… something else, but it seems we are unable to take any calls at this time. Why don’t you send us your thoughts on twitter, instead? Or, if you’re more comfortable and practised, contact us telepathically and we’ll do our best to relay your thoughts.
For now… I guess we have some time to kill. Let’s see if there’s anything going on in the community worth mentioning!
(PAUSE)
Nope. Nothing’s going on event-wise in the next week here. Not really a surprise- if you haven’t noticed, it's a small town, there isn’t much to do here.
But that’s okay! I’m sure plenty of things will still happen whether we plan them or not. While the moral association of these things is impossible for me to predict, good or bad, I can almost guarantee things will happen. So we have that to look forward to! Things.
I’m just looking at my notes here to see if there’s anything we missed, or if it's time for us to sign off.
Unfortunately, Weatherman Todd has not been responding to my messages about the unusual storm, so I’m afraid there’s no new information we’re able to offer you. The only advice I can give you is stay inside, stay safe, and stay alert. We’ll ride this storm out together.
The rain’s getting heavier now. There’s a weight beyond just the humidity, can you feel it? Like a heartbeat trembling in the sky. Each roll of thunder sounds almost like the exhale of some gargantuan, celestial being. As if the clouds were alive above us.
Are those raindrops tapping against your window, or a thousand fingertips tapping on the glass, trying to get your attention? Probably best not to check. Try to sleep and not think about it. The storm will pass, and you will rise in a clear and bright morning.
The storm always passes, and you are always left standing.
Thanks for tuning in.
*music*