Episode 50: The Only Way Out is Through

Reality seems a little rocky this morning.

Featuring Chuck Raymond as the voice of Tanner. Dylan Griggs as the voice of Radio Host (Creator of the hit podcast WOE.BEGONE). Tatiana Gefter as the voice of Nadia (Soul Operator.). Taylor Michaels as the voice of Chip Roberts (The Grotto). Also briefly featuring Alex Nursall and Harlan Guthrie as VOICES. 

Check out our bonus episode, "The Disappearance of Charlotte Jessica Miller" to hear more from Chip and Nadia!

CW: Uncertain reality, loud noises, heavy static and distortion, shouting, brief depictions of pain.

This episode features a trailer for Observable Radio, a found footage anthology that recently completed its first season. Listen to them wherever you get your podcasts, and keep your ears peeled for a familiar voice in Episode 12!

Sound effects this episode courtesy of the many wonderful contributors at Freesound.org.

Nowhere, On Air is created, voiced and produced by Jesse Syratt. Cover art by Moon Hermit Crab.

We'd love to hear from you! Email us at nowhere.onair@gmail.com. Or, find us on Bluesy, @nowhereonair.bsky.social

Transcript

[STATIC. PANTING. FOOTSTEPS. DOOR OPENING]

TANNER: What!? What? 

JESS: [PANTING] Bad dream, huh? 

TANNER: What happened? 

JESS: [GETTING UP OFF THE FLOOR] Nevermind. 

TANNER: Are you okay? [BEAT] I thought you said you were going to bed? 

JESS: [SITTING BACK DOWN] I couldn’t sleep, I–

TANNER: You can’t keep doing this– we agreed you could keep doing the show if you rested in between. Clark said you’re gonna make yourself even more sick. 

JESS: I know… 

TANNER: Come on, Jess there’s nothing else to talk about. 

JESS: I- I didn’t want to dream. I was scared- I, I didn’t want to get stuck again. Turns out it doesn’t matter whether I’m asleep or awake, I- 

TANNER: What are you talking about? 

JESS: Nothing. I don’t know. I’m just– I’m so tired, Tanner. 

[BEAT. HE SIGHS]

TANNER: Want some company? 

JESS: No, you don’t have to– its super early– 

TANNER: Come on. Let me just– I’m sure there’s some cold coffee left in the pot…

JESS: Thanks. Actually, I–

TANNER: [IN THE KITCHEN]  Yeah? 

JESS: There enough for two? 

TANNER: I don’t… I don’t know if that’s a great idea. 

JESS: River’s not even here. And– they said it would help. But…

TANNER: It hasn’t? 

JESS: No. I don’t know. I don’t think so. Not enough that I care anymore. 

TANNER: Okay. But if weird shit starts to happen, you can’t blame me. 

JESS: [SCOFFS] It's my fault, I know. 

TANNER: That’s not what I meant. 

[SOUND SHIFTS]

JESS: What the… Tanner, did you just turn the lights out? Where… where did you go? Tanner, this isn’t funny! Clark? Seriously, I- are you there? I- [BEAT, NERVOUS BREATHING] It feels like– that dream stuff that’s been happening, but I- I just blinked and I’m still where I was, I see the mic, the table… but… it's dark. Like the lights have gone out. My eyes are adjusting… 

Oh. The windows are… boarded up, and the light that’s peeking in through the cracks is a deep, greenish blue. There’s dust in the air, so much and– [SOUND OF DISGUST] cobwebs over everything, I- … what the hell? [CALLING] Hello? 

Gah, it's so cold in here, where’s– the kitchen is empty, and the- the light’s been shattered. There’s no bulb even…

Oh. There’s- listeners, there’s a door here that… that I’ve never seen before. A door in a place where there isn’t supposed to be a door. It's… 

It's radiating something, like a road radiates waves of heat on a hot day, only…  its not heat and its not light, its– shadow, its glowing this sort of shadow… is this weird, pulsing darkness… 

[SOUND SHIFTS]

JESS: Oh. That was weird. 

TANNER: [SETTING CUP DOWN ON THE TABLE] What? 

JESS: Did I… go anywhere? 

TANNER: No…?

JESS: I’ve just been… sitting here? 

TANNER: …Yeah?

JESS: Talking? 

TANNER: Not really, I thought maybe you’d fallen asleep.

JESS: Cool. Okay. Maybe I did. 

TANNER: You okay? You look pale. 

JESS: Yeah, just- [COUGHS] yeah I’m okay. I uh- I’m just, still experiencing those waking dreams… I feel… [SIGHS] discombobulated. 

That’s a fun word, isn’t it? Dis- com- bo- [COUGHING] Excuse me. [PICKING UP MUG] Cheers. 

TANNER: [SNIFFS] Was something burning? 

JESS: [LYING] Uh, no?

[SETTING CUP DOWN] 

TANNER: So… how are you doing? 

JESS: You gonna interview me? 

TANNER: Hey, if that’s what it takes to get you to talk to us for real, I’ll happily play along with this. You could even broadcast this, whatever, I don’t mind. I was your replacement, while you were gone. Not- sorry- not replacement, stand-in. But still.  

JESS: Did you enjoy it? 

TANNER: I didn’t hate it. Don’t know how you keep up with it all though. You uh, took the bandages off? 

JESS: Yeah, I couldn’t be bothered to rewrap it. 

TANNER: I mean it’s– it's up to your elbow now. 

JESS: Yeah, I noticed. 

TANNER: What’s that dark part? It wasn’t like that before. 

JESS: [LYING AGAIN] Uh, nothing. I’m not sure. 

TANNER: You should show Clark when he gets back.  

JESS: “Gets back”? Where is he? 

TANNER: He just like, had an errand to run. 

JESS: In the middle of the night? 

TANNER: And he may have wanted to go back to the clinic, to steal you some antibiotics. Look, before you freak out– 

JESS: That’s– I don’t– I didn’t ask him to do that–

TANNER: [SIGHS] Look, I know I’m a broken record at this point, but I’ll keep saying it til it stops being the truth: we’re worried about you. And yeah, maybe– you know what, I’ll give it to you– maybe there’s nothing we can do to help you. But we have to try. Cause it's not easy for us, y’know. To just be here, watch you suffer. 

JESS: You don’t have to stay. 

TANNER: Okay, that’s not even–

JESS: I mean it, okay. Actually, I am begging you to go. Leave me to this. It's only going to get worse, I know it is, but– 

TANNER: Jess, if you know this is hurting you, then why are you still doing this? And if you really believe it's your fault for talking about it or whatever, why don’t you just stop? 

JESS: I- I can’t. 

TANNER: Okay, what does that actually mean? Cause y’know I- I’m trying to understand, we’re trying to understand–

JESS: If I stop, I won’t have anything left. I won’t… I won’t be anything anymore. 

TANNER: You don’t… actually believe that, do you? [SHE DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING] Jess, you’re way more than this–

JESS: I’m not. I’m really not. What happens if they stop listening? 

TANNER: You get to rest? I don’t- 

[SHE LAUGHS BITTERLY, THEN IT DESCENDS INTO A COUGHING FIT]

TANNER: I’ll get you some water. 

[HE STANDS. SOUND SHIFTS] 

JESS: Okay… 

I’m— back. In that… other version of this room. With the door. That door. It’s… difficult to explain the way I feel standing in front of it… like someone has taken a melon spoon to my core. I feel scooped out. Painfully empty.

It’s just a door. It looks just like, a door. Picture a door when I say door, that’s what it looks like. It has no discernible features except… There’s no handle on this side. At all, just flat… 

I don’t know how I know this, but… this is not a door I pass through on my own terms, whatever that means… 

[A VOICE STARTS CALLING FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR, KNOCKING. JESS GASPS IN FRIGHT] 

JESS: There’s… there’s someone on the other side… something-

[SOUNDS CONTINUES] 

JESS: I- 

[SHIFT BACK]

[GLASS DOWN ON THE TABLE] 

TANNER: Hey, you good? 

JESS: What?

TANNER: I was calling your name for a while. You were just- staring. Like sleeping, but with your eyes open. 

JESS: I was- um, dreaming again– maybe. Like yesterday. I just… got stuck. 

TANNER: You okay? 

JESS: Yeah. Thanks. 

[PICKING UP GLASS AND SETTING IT DOWN]

TANNER: So, you’re still… dreaming, huh? 

JESS: This… this feels like more than dreaming. 

TANNER: Yeah. Definitely seems that way. [BEAT] What? 

JESS: Do you hear that? 

TANNER: Hear what? 

JESS: I don’t know– like, talking?

TANNER: No?

[BEAT. SILENCE]

JESS: Must be the wind or something. 

TANNER: Hey, speaking of hearing stuff, though… While I was out looking for you yesterday, it was like, really  weird, but… it was like the show got caught in the fog. Like an echo chamber, it was somehow catching the airwaves in some patches. I just kept walking, sometimes I’d step into a thick patch of cloud, and your voice would linger and resound around, and I was just… surrounded by a cacophony of old broadcasts. And I swear, the closer I listened, the more I could recognize older and older shows.  

JESS: Weird. 

TANNER: Yeah. 

JESS: I- it's not like I was doing it. I was asleep. 

TANNER: In the sinkhole. 

JESS: Not- not in it. Just beside it. Hey, at least I was sleeping. 

TANNER: True. 

[JESS COUGHS, ELECTRICITY SOUND AS THE LIGHT FLICKERS OUT] 

TANNER: Guess we need a new bulb in that. I’ll turn on the far one so it's not so dark– 

[GETS UP AND CROSSES TO LIGHT. FLIPS SWITCH] 

JESS: Where is that light coming from? 

TANNER: [LYING] Um. Not sure. 

JESS: You don’t see it? The faint glow? 

TANNER: No, I do. Just- one of those things I guess. 

[COMING BACK] 

TANNER: What’s…? [LEANS OVER TO PICK IT UP] You um, reading more of the journal? 

JESS: Yeah, I uh, I must have knocked it off the table or something. 

TANNER: [FLIPPING THROUGH IT] Hm. Anything interesting?

JESS: Uh, yeah. Part of the mine was collapsed because, uh, something down there was making people sick. 

TANNER: Huh. No kidding. You reading it in order, or?

JESS: No, just sort of– by vibes. 

TANNER: You ever read the last page? 

JESS: Not yet, why?  

TANNER: You’ve never done that? Just skipped to the last page? [CLEARS THROAT, READING it. SOUNDS IN AS HE READS: NIGHT AMBIENCE, WIND, MUSIC] “Once again had a peculiar dream last night, one that I find still lingers in my waking mind as I go about my day to day. I have a lot of dreams. Ever since I spoke to Cornelius, down in the mine, ever since I set my gaze upon that strange, impossible light with which he now rests eternally, my dreams have been alive. Lucid and sometimes so effective at mimicking reality, some nights I struggle to differentiate between them. 

But last night, I dreamt of a being made of light, and sound, like that thing down in the mine, but it possessed a figure and form much like a body, like a blinding silhouette. A radiant phantom. I dreamt it clawed its way out of the earth one stormy night, and led me to this building I’d never seen before, though the land was familiar to me. Before this building was a tower, almost like a cage pointed skyward, or like a single frame from a trestle bridge, made of thin steel. 

I watched as this figure– a more spiritual man than I may feel inclined to call it an angel– approached this structure, and like a sudden gust of wind, a river of sound seemed to pour in from all sides, and it began to dissolve into the metal tower, until there was nothing but a faint glow at the top. Like a lighthouse on a shore… 

[SOUND SHIFTS] 

JESS: Okay, this… I keep coming back to this. Why? A recurring dream of… of a door that shouldn’t be there. In a version of this place that’s all wrong. 

There’s a handle on it now. 

[VOICE DISTORTED CALLING FROM BEHIND THE DOOR AND KNOCKING THROUGHOUT] 

I– I think I have to open it. To get out. I don’t think it's a smart idea, though if this is just a dream, it's not like there’s any consequences. Not sure the phrase ”just a dream” means anything anymore, after recent events, but still. 

Why would I dream about a door with a handle if I shouldn’t open it? 

[OPENS DOOR. STATIC AND DISTORTION RISES] 

JESS: Whoa… there’s… nothing but static. Like a TV with no signal that’s… swallowed up the world. 

[SOUND SHIFT]

TANNER: What’s that face for? 

JESS: Huh? 

TANNER: You okay? You spaced out. 

JESS: Oh. Yeah. Uh, I was just thinking. I guess… I don’t know my history of this place super well… what happened to him? 

TANNER: To Braedon? Um. He disappeared. No one really knows. 

JESS: Really?

TANNER: Yeah.

JESS: I guess that checks out, huh? 

TANNER: Why do you have this again? Or, should I say, why did you take this? 

JESS: I dunno. Someone wanted me to have it. Thought I needed it. 

TANNER: Why? 

JESS: I’m not sure. Maybe the past is speaking to us. Trying to warn us. 

TANNER: Maybe they wanted you to get your mind off things. 

JESS: Eh, maybe. 

[MUSIC. BEAT. THUNDER RUMBLES OVER]

TANNER: Man. Sounds like a bad one out there. 

JESS: I… I didn’t realize it had started thunderstorming. Must have zoned out again– it’s been so long since we’ve had a storm. 

[THUNDER CONTINUES]

TANNER: I’m gonna go check it out. I’ll prop the door so you can listen better. 

JESS: Okay. Thanks. 

[DOOR OPENS. THUNDER ROLLS]

TANNER: [DISTANT, CALLING BACK] Whoa, it looks… weird.

JESS: What? 

TANNER: The sky… it’s all… weird! 

JESS: Wait… this isn’t- I know this… 

[THUNDER ROLLS OVERHEAD] 

JESS: Wait– no–! Don’t-!

TANNER: Holy shit… [TANNER CONTINUES TO SPEAK QUIETLY]

JESS: [CALLING, INCREASINGLY DESPERATE] Tanner…! Wait– Tanner, come inside! Tanner, seriously- please! 

[THUNDER CRACKS, THE STORM WHISPERS, THE SKY SPLITS OPEN]

TANNER: What is that? 

JESS: Tanner!!

[TANNER STARTS TO SCREAM IN PAIN. SHIFT BACK] 

TANNER: Are you okay? What happened? 

JESS: [HEAVY BREATHING] What? 

TANNER: I just went– you were screaming- what happened?! 

JESS: I- sorry. Shit. Sorry. Sorry-

TANNER: Hey, it's okay. What’s going on? 

JESS: I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t know, I feel- I saw…

TANNER: What? 

JESS: [QUIETLY, MORE TO HERSELF, WITH A SORT OF FEVERISH DESPERATION] Just- I’m just dreaming. I must be, I’ve had that one before, I just-... 

TANNER: You wanna talk about it? 

JESS: No. I do not. 

TANNER: What’s going on with you? 

JESS: I feel like– it sounds stupid…

TANNER: What?

JESS: Like I’m changing… channels. 

TANNER: Like, like on the radio? 

JESS: No, like, as a person. Well, not like I’m doing it. I’m not trying to do it- I want to stay here, but… I feel like I’m flickering through these channels of existence or perception or reality, I mean- are you sure I’m not disappearing? 

TANNER: Not that I’ve noticed. 

JESS: Well that’s good I guess. 

TANNER: Can you, like… stop? 

JESS: You think I want to be doing this? 

TANNER: Hey, no, fair enough. Sorry for asking. Stupid question.  [BEAT. SHE SNIFFLES] You sure you’re okay? 

JESS: You should leave. 

TANNER: Sorry, what? 

JESS: I really think you should go. You should go home. 

TANNER: Hey, its okay– 

JESS: No, its not– 

TANNER: What are you so afraid of? 

JESS: I need you to tell me something honestly, okay? 

TANNER: Okay…? 

JESS: [SOFTER] Have you ever really considered that maybe not all of us make it out of this?

TANNER: No. Because I don’t think like that– I can’t think like that. 

JESS: I’m just saying there are consequences to what we’re doing, and they’re bad– 

TANNER: You of all people should not be thinking like that–

JESS: Why not me of all people? 

TANNER: Cause you… cause you’re just gonna freak yourself out. Okay? And– you make things happen. [BEAT] I wasn’t supposed to mention it, but it's… it's impossible not to notice, but if you’re thinking that someone is going to– what? Die?  

JESS: Not think. Dream. I’ve dreamt it. Over and over, Tanner. I keep dreaming that you die. 

TANNER: You’ve… what? 

JESS: It's that dream, Tanner. You’re standing in that field under the storm. Looking over the town. There’s a dark shadow in the clouds that’s more than the storm. The sound of the wind, the river, and the trees shrinks in comparison to its voice. And you can’t look away as the sky reaches down to you. The clouds aren’t just clouds, they’re alive and infused and the cosmic joints they attach to go way beyond the atmosphere and it… it rips you apart. Darkness and cold and– I don’t know where my dreams end and “what is” begins. And if this keeps happening, when that storm comes… 

TANNER: Why didn’t you say anything? 

JESS: What the hell was I supposed to say? I didn’t– I didn’t want to believe it but it's getting so hard not to… 

TANNER: And you think if, what? I leave, it's gonna stop that from happening? 

JESS: Yeah. I do. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but… This isn’t fair. You can’t die for this. We brought you into this. We started this.

TANNER: I made my own choices. 

JESS: Still. 

TANNER: Oh my god. This whole time I just thought you were mad at me. So much– I mean, we went through so much of the same thing. I just, I thought I reminded you– 

JESS: You got to come back and you got to see your mom again. Your family, your life here, was all waiting for you and- leaving here was going home, and turns out, everything that I loved died while I was gone. I- I never got to say goodbye. They died never knowing– your family don’t deserve to lose you, Tanner, not again. And if I had any part in that–

TANNER: You don’t– 

JESS: I would never forgive myself. [BEAT] I’m so scared. All the time. That everything is gonna disappear, that I’m gonna lose everything again. 

TANNER: [SOFT, KIND] That’s why you should have told me. 

JESS: I thought it would hurt less if I drove you all away. 

TANNER: What? 

JESS: I- I know so deeply in my bones that this ends, and I don’t–

TANNER: Don’t- don’t think like that. You can’t talk like that, because you can’t know that. 

JESS: I– I’m okay with whatever happens to me, but you guys- 

TANNER: And you’re going to be fine, okay—?

[SOUND SHIFTS] 

JESS: [ALL STATIC AND DISTORTED AND ECHOING] I open my mouth and the static rushes in like cotton on the air and it tastes like blood in my mouth the bitter gall behind my teeth and its me its me I’m out here at the door and I am knocking on the other side of everything and I feel myself dissolving into static and into nothing and there is nowhere but the other side of the door to everything and I knock and I AM OUT HERE. I AM HERE. PLEASE LET ME IN. PLEASE I AM LOST I AM LOST ON THE STATIC AND AIRWAVES AND I FEEL MYSELF BEING PULLED THIN AND STRETCHED LIKE SNOW AS IT MELTS ON THE ROAD–]

[SOUND SHIFTS.]

TANNER: And you didn’t hear a word I said did you? 

JESS: [SNIFFS. SIGHS] No. Sorry. [COUGHING] 

TANNER: You hanging in there? 

JESS: Yeah, I’m– [CLEARS THROAT] there’s nothing to do but just, ride it out, y’know? 

[STATIC]

HOST 1: You’re tuned in to The Breeze on 106.7

[STATIC] 

JESS: Do you hear that? 

TANNER: What? 

JESS: I don’t… I thought I heard something. Never mind. 

TANNER: What did it sound like? 

JESS: Like– like radio. 

TANNER: This is radio. 

JESS: No, but the voice– it was familiar– there was this station my dad used to listen to all the time–

[STATIC] 

HOST 1: We’ve got local podcasters, and amateur true crime sleuths, Chip and Nadia here, to talk about their show, “Gone Without a Trace.” Thanks for coming in today. 

CHIP: Happy to be here. 

NADIA: Thanks for having us. 

HOST 1: So, for any listeners unfamiliar with your show, you two produce a podcast that covers disappearances, missing persons cases– primarily ones that tend to be a little lesser known, as far as it were. 

NADIA: Yeah, we try to give attention to ones that tend to get a little less. 

HOST 1: Given the recent, alarming influx of missing persons cases that seems to be going on, both nationwide and worldwide, not only has your show been receiving a lot more attention, but I understand you folks have been contacted by multiple families about featuring cases in the hopes of increasing visibility. 

CHIP: Yeah, um, it's- it’s definitely humbling, and– well, we always dreamed of helping people with this show—- [STATIC] 

TANNER: Jess? Hey, hey, what are you–

JESS: You didn’t hear that? 

TANNER: No, you just- you just went blank again. 

JESS: I was listening to… 

TANNER: To what? 

JESS: The static. 

[STATIC, STRANGE MUSIC, TRAILER FOR OBSERVABLE RADIO]