JONATHAN CORMUR: Hello Dork Squad. I'm Jonathan Cormur and you're listening to Dorktales Storytime, the podcast for kids and their pop culture-loving grown-ups.
THEME SONG: It's a beautiful day for a story, adventure and glory, new friends and old ones too. It's an excellent day to get swept away in a tail, so let us regale you.
(The sound of a door jingling open and shut)
REDGE: Ahh, here we are again! One of the most beautiful places in the world! Such extraordinary sights all around us!
JONATHAN: Uh…Redge?
REDGE: So many amazing adventures await us here in this land of mystery and magic!
JONATHAN: Are…we in the same place?
REDGE: A celebration of the senses! A delight to behold! A wonder of the world!
JONATHAN: I mean… I love Fairy Godmother’s Bakery just as much as the next guy but…
REDGE: I’m sorry, Jonathan, but you do not love bakeries as much as ME!
JONATHAN: I’m starting to see that…
Well, you’re right about the celebration of the senses. It always smells wonderful in here! What are you going to get?
REDGE: Hmmmmm…perhaps a slice of the ‘Clock Strikes Midnight’ dark chocolate cake?
JONATHAN: I’m thinking of going for the classic ‘Glass Slipper Sundae’.
REDGE: YUM! Perhaps we can share!
JONATHAN: Always! Let's just head over to the counter and order up a couple of treats…
Wait a second. I don’t see Cinderella at the register.
REDGE: Hmmm…there is no one serving the sundaes either…
JONATHAN: I wonder where everyone is?
CINDY: Biscuits!
REDGE: Oh! It sounds like Cinderella’s in the back!
JONATHAN: Maybe we should make sure everything’s ok…
REDGE: Oh Cinderella!! Cinderella!!
CINDERELLA: Is that Redge?
JONATHAN: And Jonathan!
CINDERELLA: Hi fellas! Sorry I’m not at the register, should be out in a minute… (frustrated, to herself) Oh…sprinkles!
JONATHAN: Hi, Cinderella!
CINDERELLA: Hey there! Two of my favorite customers. Remember, you can call me Cindy.
REDGE: Is everything alright, Cindy?
CINDY: Everything is FINE.
JONATHAN: Are you sure? It looks like a closet full of gowns exploded in here…
CINDY: I know, I know.
I knew I’d have to get ready for a big event after work, but I couldn’t pick just one dress so I grabbed everything. Now I still can’t decide and I just…(frustrated again, with a sigh) donuts.
JONATHAN: Where are you off to? Maybe we can help you decide!
REDGE: OH YES! I love picking out an outfit!
CINDY: You do? That’s wonderful because I do NOT.
REDGE: It’s one of my specialties.
CINDY: You always do look sharp, Redge.
REDGE: Aw shucks.
CINDY: So you both know that I built this bakery from the ground up–
REDGE: Of course! You’ve worked so hard to…rise to the occasion with your shop.
CINDY: (A hearty laugh) Oh Redge, you know how much I love a good bread pun.
REDGE: Teehee! It’s the yeast I could do!
CINDY: Redge, you’re on…A ROLL.
(Redge and Cindy laugh)
CINDY: Anyhow…I have all these dresses here because… I’ve finally been invited to the big show…
REDGE: No!
CINDY: Yes!
REDGE: YOU HAVE?
CINDY: I HAVE!
REDGE: Stop it!!
CINDY: I won’t!
REDGE: I’m so thrilled!
CINDY: Me too!
JONATHAN: Uh…I feel like I’m missing something…
REDGE: Oh sorry Jonathan, I forgot that you don’t follow Baker’s Dozen.
JONATHAN: Baker’s Dozen?
CINDY: It’s a magazine for bakery owners–
REDGE: And enthusiasts!
CINDY: I didn’t know you subscribed!
REDGE: I follow bakery-related news very closely.
CINDY: Well…Redge and I are so excited because… I was finally invited to the Dough Ball!
JONATHAN: That sounds fun! I love a good party.
REDGE: Fun? Fun?! It’s BEYOND fun! It’s THE ball for Once Upon a Time’s most talented bakers and treat makers!
JONATHAN: Wow! Congratulations, Cindy! You deserve it!
CINDY: Thanks, Jonathan! And now I want everything to be perfect for the big night but I’m just…feeling so hopeless about my wardrobe!
(A magical sound and a clock chime)
REDGE/JONATHAN: Ahh!
CINDY: Oh, hey Fey.
FEY: Hippity, hoppity hello, Cindy!
CINDY: Jonathan, Redge, this is my Fairy Godmother. You can call her Fey.
FEY: Absolutely doo doppity delighted to meet you!
REDGE: Hello, Fey!
FEY: Now, did my magical ears deceive me or did I hear that you’re hopeless?
CINDY: Well…
FEY: Just kidding! My magical ears never deceive me. They are magical!
CINDY: It’s just my outfit for the Dough Ball. I’m completely at a loss and all these dresses don’t feel right…Maybe I just shouldn’t go.
REDGE: Oh Cindy! I do hope you decide to go and not miss out on this experience. We can help you find something that makes you feel fabulous!
FEY: We can indeed! This sounds like just the job for me! I can conjure up some couture and have you to the ball in a banana split!
JONATHAN: You’ve got a whole styling team here ready to go!
CINDY: Uhh…well alright…I guess we can give it a shot.
REDGE: Marvelous!
FEY: Now. Jonathan, Redge. You go sit on that side of the room. And I’m going to create a perfect-
CINDY: Uh Fey…
FEY: Spectacular–
CINDY: Fey, please!
FEY: Fabulous Fashion-tastic Runway!
CINDY: We really don’t need all the fanfare.
FEY: Nonsense, Cindy. We have to get the whole picture to decide on the gown!
REDGE: We’re ready! We’re ready!
FEY: Here we go! Whippity whoppity uppity buppity the runity way we go!
(The sound of a magical poof and a little runway music)
Aaaand prest-dough! See what I did there?
CINDY: (Laughing) That was pretty good, Fey.
REDGE: I’m ready for the first look!
CINDY: Yeah! Uh…me too! Definitely.
FEY: Let us not delay any further!
Bippity bop, bippity boo,
I’ll conjure up a dress for you.
This one needs to be unique,
An ocean theme would be quite chic.
Add some coral, strings of shells,
Big waves in your hair with gel.
The final flair, so full of class
Your slippers made out of real glass.
In this gown you’ll be no fool,
I present the “Tidal Wave of Tulle.”
(Mix of a magical flourish and beachy sound.)
What do you think?
CINDY: (unsure) Wow. It’s…um…I have no words.
REDGE: Oh goodness me! Cindy, you look spectacular!
CINDY: I do?
FEY: Take it for a swim, dear.
REDGE: Fey, you have outdone yourself. Look at how the dress ebbs and flows when she walks, just like the tide. Oh and it’s a mermaid cut!
CINDY: It’s a little hard to breathe.
REDGE: (not listening) It’s like I’m standing on the beach, feeling the emotion of the ocean.
JONATHAN: And…are those sea creatures swimming in her glass slippers?
FEY: Thank you for noticing, Jonathan. There’s starfish, clownfish…
REDGE: …OH they crack me up!
FEY: And of course, my dear friend: Goldie Prawn.
GOLDIE: (in an underwater voice) Hi!
FEY: Hello, Goldie! Thanks for the assist! What would Cinderella be without her signature footwear?
CINDY: (aside) More comfortable.
FEY: What was that?
CINDY: Oh nothing.
FEY: So, did I nail it on the first try? As usual?
REDGE: YES!
CINDY: NO! It’s just that…I mean…this one maybe, “washes” me out. A bit.
FEY: Oh dear, well we can’t have that. I want you in something where you feel your absolute best.
CINDY: Oh good me too. I was thinking that–
FEY: We take it from the top?
REDGE: Oh goody, another fashion show!
FEY: Stand back everyone!
Flippity flop, flippity floo,
Something bold I’ll make for you.
This time silver’s all the rage,
A metallic gown for the digital age.
Laser beams, a flashing crown,
You’ll be the talk of the town!
Your glass heels will cast a spell-a,
All the folks will fall for “Cyber-Ella.”
(Mix of a magical flourish and a laser sound.)
CINDY: (In a robot voice) Bleep blorp. I feel like a fancy robot. Blop bloop.
REDGE: Ohhhh look at that stitching!
FEY: It’s actually wiring!
REDGE: How electron-chic!
JONATHAN: It certainly lights you up!
FEY: Yes, because there are actual tiny lights along the hem!
CINDY: Yeah…I don’t know about this one, Fey.
FEY: Oh?
CINDY: I don’t know if I want to wear a dress that I can also ring up orders, pay my bills, and call my friends on.
REDGE: Very fair. But also very amazing functionality!
FEY: I hear you. We’ll try another!
CINDY: Yes! Thank you. I think that maybe this time…I mean I know it would be different but…
FEY: DON’T WORRY I’VE GOT IT. This is the one! Hit it!
JONATHAN: (aside to Redge) Who is she talking to?
REDGE: Shh!
FEY: Lickity lip, lickity loo
A delicious number I have for you.
A giant skirt, as poofed as can be,
Sprinkles, frosting, yes that’s the key!
A bow so big you won’t believe,
With pink lace frosted down the sleeve.
In this gown you needn't beat the clock,
Now everyone look, it’s the Frosting Frock!
(Mix of a magical flourish and a timer ding.)
REDGE: FASHION AND FOOD ALL IN ONE! Jonathan, pinch me. I think I’m dreaming.
CINDY: What’s on my head?
JONATHAN: It looks like a whipped cream headband.
REDGE: With a cherry on top!
CINDY: And a three-tiered skirt.
JONATHAN: Are those real sprinkles?
FEY: We nailed it this time didn’t we?
CINDY: Well…
FEY: I knew it! This one was a piece of cake!
(Fey and Redge laugh)
CINDY: Yeah. You know I guess this one is fine!
JONATHAN: Hmmm…
REDGE: What is it, Jonathan? Aren’t you enjoying the fashion show?
JONATHAN: Of course–it’s just that, to be honest, I’ve been more focused on facial expressions than fashion.
REDGE: Whatever do you mean?
JONATHAN: Cindy, I’ve noticed you don’t seem entirely happy with your options. I hope you don’t mind me saying so.
CINDY: No, I’m relieved.
FEY: Relieved?
CINDY: It’s just that…I’m not sure if I even want to wear a dress.
REDGE: GASP! But these dresses are so fantastic!
CINDY: Don’t get me wrong—Fey, you know I love your artistry and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I’m just not sure I even like wearing dresses. It’s never felt…right.
REDGE: We certainly don’t want that! I love my outfits because they let me express my personality! They let me show off my pizazz! Everyone should have a chance to be who they are!
JONATHAN: And I like to wear clothes that make me feel comfortable!
CINDY: Yes! Those are the kinds of things I want to feel. But sometimes it’s hard to feel like I’m allowed to wear what I want.
FEY: Oh my dear, thank you for being brave and telling me how you feel. I would never want you to wear something and not feel like yourself.
REDGE: You must feel as splendid as you are on the inside! We’re not here to dress you up…we’re here to pump you up!
FEY: You’ll have to forgive me, Cindy. Sometimes I get set in my old ways. And you know once I start fashioning, I get carried away. I didn’t stop to check in on what you actually want.
REDGE: (excitedly) Yes Cindy, what would make you feel your best?
CINDY: Well…I adore my sneaker collection. I’ve also always admired the suits you wear, Redge.
REDGE: Me? I’m flattered!
FEY: OOH I feel a spell coming on! Cindy, will you join me in finding your new look?
CINDY: Absolutely!
REDGE: Oh goody, another fashion show!
JONATHAN: I can’t wait to see what you two come up with.
FEY/CINDY: HIT IT!
FEY: Bippity be, whoopsy do, now I know just what to do!
CINDY: Black and sleek would be quite classy. Velvety smooth, with a dash of sassy?
FEY: Let’s ditch the heels,
CINDY: Add some pants!
FEY: Much easier now to boogie and dance!
CINDY: Step aside double-oh-7,
FEY: This outfit goes to an eleven!
(Mix of a magical flourish and a spy movie stinger)
CINDY: The name’s Ella, Cinder Ella.
JONATHAN: WOW!
REDGE: (tearing up) I am shaken!! And stirred! This collaboration is so moving!
JONATHAN: How do you feel, Cindy?
CINDY: I. Feel. INCREDIBLE!
REDGE: You’ve got a license to thrill!
FEY: I think we can do even better!
CINDY: Really?
FEY: REALLY.
CINDY: I mean….I’m actually excited to see what else you have up your sleeve!
REDGE: Oh we’re having some fashion fun now!
CINDY: Let’s do another!
FEY: Rippity roo, rippity run
CINDY: Another suit would be quite fun!
FEY: This one I’ll make debonair,
CINDY: Ooh elegant like Fred Astaire!
FEY: I’ll fashion a top hat, cane, and slacks; a flowing tail coat down the back.
CINDY: I’ll waltz through the night, feeling good head to toe,
FEY: You’ll be the bell of the ball comma dough.
(Mix of a magical flourish and a jazzy sting)
CINDY: a-5, 6, 7, 8…
(sounds of CINDY humming)
JONATHAN: I think she likes it!
REDGE: You’re tapping your way into our hearts in this one!
CINDY: Redge, may I have this dance?
REDGE: Let’s go for a spin!
CINDY: I feel so suave! So graceful!
JONATHAN: You are!
REDGE: Wee!
CINDY: What do you think, Fey?
FEY: Hmmm…
CINDY: Not good?
FEY: Oh it’s stupendous! But I think I have one more idea…a combination of everything we’ve made so far.
CINDY: I see what you’re saying…something with a–
FEY: Yes! And also a little bit–
CINDY: Exactly! And the neckline can be–
FEY: That’s it! That’s the vision!
JONATHAN: Uh….Redge…do you know what they’re talking about?
REDGE: I THINK THAT’S PERFECT!
JONATHAN: That answers that question!
FEY: You ready for one more spell?
CINDY: Let’s do it!
FEY: Flippity flop, flippity floo! This tux will be made for you!
CINDY: A little sparkle, a little flair!
FEY: A bow tie and a pocket square!
CINDY: Bedazzled jewels on the lapel, and brand new sneakers would go quite well.
FEY: I’ll make your fashion dreams come true!
CINDY: In my favorite color–
FEY/CINDY: Blue!
(A magical flourish)
REDGE: Wow!
JONATHAN: Wow!
CINDY: WOW! This is it!
FEY: A sparkling blue tuxedo–
CINDY: With blue sneakers to match!
FEY: And one final touch. Here, take these glass cufflinks for the sleeves.
JONATHAN: A classic Cinderella touch!
REDGE: Without the uncomfortable glass slippers.
CINDY: Thank you, Fey! I love them.
REDGE: How do you feel now, Cindy? Ready to knock everyone’s socks off at the Dough Ball.
CINDY: You butter believe it! I can’t wait to dance the night away feeling confident.
Oh…wait a second. Nothing on here is going to turn into pumpkins or mice like last time, right Fey?
FEY: (Laughing nervously) What? NO of course not! (As an aside) Redge…could you call the mice that live near your hovel and tell them I won’t need them to come transform into horses after all?
REDGE: On it.
FEY: Splendid! You’re going to have the time of your life, Cindy! Well past midnight!
REDGE: There’s only one more thing to do before you head off.
CINDY: What’s that?
REDGE: Practice your GRAND ENTRANCE!
CINDY: Yes! What do you suggest?
REDGE: I can get some of the trumpeters from the kingdoms of Mythdom to come play a little fanfare.
CINDY: Oooo!
JONATHAN: We love fanfare!
FEY: Maybe I can magically waft the smell of fresh baked bread around you?
CINDY: Delicious!
REDGE: And then I can make some kind of grand announcement…The Baker-ess of the Forest! Or…The Eclair Extraordinaire! Or maybe…The Cupcake Countess! Well, you’re more of a princess…let’s see…
JONATHAN CORMUR: This has been a Jonincharacter production. This story was written by Kristin Schmitz and Molly Murphy. Cinderella was performed by Adrienne Walters and Fey the Fairy Godmother was performed by Kristin Schmitz. All other characters were performed by Jonathan Cormur. Sound recording and production by Jermaine Hamilton at Hamilton Studio Recordings. Reach out to us on Instagram or email us at dorktalesstorytime@gmail.com. Find links in the show notes or go to dorktalesstorytime.com.
Now, go be the hero of your own story and we’ll see you next once-upon-a-time!
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