JONATHAN CORMUR: Hello Dork Squad. I'm Jonathan Cormur and you're listening to Dorktales Storytime, the podcast for kids and their pop culture-loving grown-ups.
THEME SONG: It's a beautiful day for a story, adventure and glory, new friends and old ones too. It's an excellent day to get swept away in a tail, so let us regale you.
JONATHAN: Redge?
REDGE: That’s it! I’ve had it!
JONATHAN: Redge? What’s going on?
REDGE: It's too much I tell you! Too much!
JONATHAN: Whoa! Hey! Are you ok?
REDGE: I’m just finished. Fini. Finito. Done!
JONATHAN: Done with what?
REDGE: Responsibility! I won’t have it any longer.
JONATHAN: Well, do you need help? What’s going on?
REDGE: I can’t keep up! The hinges on my front door squeak, the windows have to be washed, mud has been tracked in from the rain, and I have spines falling out everywhere.
JONATHAN: I’m happy to help you clean up.
REDGE: No need! I’m off!
JONATHAN: Off? Where?
REDGE: I’m going to Never Never No No Land where I don’t have to deal with any of these trifles. I’m sick of being so grown up!
JONATHAN: Never Never No No Land?
REDGE: Yes! A truly magical place in Once Upon Time where you don’t have to worry about responsibilities or rules. You can let loose and bask in frivolity. That is to say: it is a place all about having fun and not at all about finishing your chores!
JONATHAN: Sorry you’re struggling, Redge. How do we get to Never Never No No Land?
REDGE: Good question.
JONATHAN: You’ve never been?
REDGE: Not many from the Folktale Forest have! Some even think it doesn’t exist.
JONATHAN: Wow! Do you think it exists?
REDGE: Well, of course, it does!
JONATHAN: What’s it like there?
REDGE: I’ve only heard tales but, what’s so special about Never Never No No Land is that you never, ever have to grow up there! I wouldn’t have to tend to these pesky chores all the time.
JONATHAN: I dread doing chores myself. I’d love to go there!
REDGE: Let’s do it!
JONATHAN: Great!
REDGE: Great!
JONATHAN: Uhhhhhh….how?
REDGE: Right. Hmm. Oh yes! I remember: first off, we’ll need fairydust.
JONATHAN: Fairydust? Where do you get fairydust?
(Sound of Redge rummaging through some drawers.)
REDGE: From Scribbleton, of course!
JONATHAN: Of course—Once Upon a Time’s tiniest town, filled with pixies and fairies!
REDGE: When last we visited Scribbleton, I took home a souvenir: fairydust. They sold it at the Knicky Knack Patty Whack shop on Doodle Avenue.
JONATHAN: The shop just past the Tiny Treat Emporium?
REDGE: That’s the one! I purchased the fairydust because I know the fairies and pixies of Scribbleton use it to fly back and forth from Scribbleton to Never Never No No Land.
JONATHAN: Why do the fairies go to Never Never No No Land?
REDGE: They have a secret getaway in Never Never No No Land called The Forget Me Not Lot, a highly exclusive fairy fun land.
JONATHAN: Sounds amazing!
REDGE: Indeed! With this fairydust, we should be whisked straight to Never Never No No Land. Come, come! Stand here!
JONATHAN: Here?
REDGE: Yes, right here next to me. Let’s see. Umm, try closing your eyes and I’ll sprinkle a little on us.
(Sprinkle magic sound.)
JONATHAN: Did it work?
REDGE: No. We’re still in my messy hovel. Oh wait! There’s something on the packaging here. Let me read it…
(Redge mumbles to himself.)
Of course! Let’s try again. Now, close your eyes and think of your favorite hedgehog.
JONATHAN: That's easy enough!
REDGE: And then I just blow some dust into your face and–
JONATHAN: Wait, what?
REDGE: Big breath.
(Jonathan inhales. Sprinkle magic sound. Redge blows the dust in his face.)
JONATHAN: Ah-choo!
(Sound of distance disco dance music is heard. They’re suddenly in Never Never No No Land.)
JONATHAN: Wow! Is this Never Never No No Land?
REDGE: Oh I’m so chuffed! Yes it is! Where should we start?
JONATHAN: Is that a pool filled with ice cream sundaes?
REDGE: With cherry on top floaties?
JONATHAN: And look Redge! An all-you-can-eat candy breakfast buffet!?
REDGE: Oooo! There’s nothing like red licorice and chocolate truffles to get your day started!
JONATHAN: Redge! Redge! A ball pit the size of a football field!
REDGE: And trampolines on every side!
JONATHAN: And that music—where is it coming from?!
REDGE: Oh! What joy! What fun! I feel my youth rushing back to me already.
TWEETER PAN: Hey there! You look new here!
REDGE: Oh my goodness! You must be…
JONATHAN: Who is it, Redge?
REDGE: The one. The only…
TP: I’m Tweeter Pan! Nice to meet ya!
REDGE: Tweeter Pan! The bird boy who never grew up!
TP: That’s me! Welcome to Never Never No No Land!
REDGE: Why, thank you! I’m Redge!
JONATHAN: And I’m Jonathan!
TP: Wanna follow me? I’m headed to the “Stay Up All Night Never Gonna Sleep” Club.
JONATHAN: Is that where that music is coming from?
TP: You bet!
REDGE: Oh, I’ve heard of this club! Pillow fights and jumping on beds all night long! No bedtimes! No rules! No responsibility! Oh, Jonathan! We must go!
JONATHAN: Sounds thrilling, but uhhh…
REDGE: Yes, Jonathan?
JONATHAN: It looks like the club is way out on that island in the middle of the water…
TP: We can fly there!
JONATHAN: Fly?
REDGE: Of course! It’s Tweeter Pan. His wings take him everywhere he wants to go.
JONATHAN: But Redge…
REDGE: Yes?
JONATHAN: Aren’t you forgetting something…
REDGE: What?
JONATHAN: We don’t have wings. We can’t fly.
TP: Not to fret friends. I can help you there. I imagine you used fairydust to get here, yeah?
JONATHAN: Yes.
TP: You got any more?
REDGE: Right here!
TP: Sprinkle some of that and…
JONATHAN/REDGE: Think of your favorite hedgehog!
TP: Aaaaand a waaaaay weeee GOOOOOOO!
(Sprinkle magic sound and sound of lift off.)
TP: Next stop: “Stay Up All Night Never Gonna Sleep” Club!
REDGE: Delightful!
JONATHAN: Wow! Look Redge, that isn’t water we’re flying over, it’s…
REDGE: Mud!
TP: That's right! That’s Mud Pie Bay!
REDGE: Oooo I do love making a gooey mud pie. I haven’t done that in ages! I used to love coming up with new mud pie creations. Like mud pies specially sprinkled with pretty hand-picked pebbles.
JONATHAN: Oh you’ve told me stories about these! I liked hearing about your mud pies frosted with fresh ground mint leaves.
REDGE: Yes! Or my favorite: mud pies with twig and stick candles for the perfect pretend birthday party surprise for a friend. Whether it was their birthday or not!
TP: Were your mud pies delightfully squishy?
REDGE: You know it!
TP: (crows like Pan in response)
REDGE: Oh Jonathan, I don’t think I’ll ever want to go back to my hovel and my chores. Let’s fly around and make mud pies and eat candy forever.
TP: Coming in for a landing!
(Sound of disco music grows louder.)
REDGE: What should we do first at the ““Stay Up All Night Never Gonna Sleep” Club? A scary movie marathon? Karaoke contest?
(Sound of a thud as Jonathan trips on his untied shoelaces.)
JONATHAN: Ow. Oops!
REDGE: Oh, Jonathan, are you alright?
JONATHAN: Yeah. My shoe just came untied from the flight over Mud Pie Bay! I tripped on my laces.
REDGE: Secure those laces and we’ll be on our way.
TP: Never never no no no!
REDGE: Excuse me?
JONATHAN: Huh?
TP: Here in Never Never No No Land we don’t tie our shoes. We never ever learn how!
JONATHAN: But I could trip and fall again.
TP: Just go barefoot! That’s what I do!
REDGE: Of course! Revolutionary! Tying your shoes is such a dreadful chore!
JONATHAN: I don’t knooow…. It seems much safer to—
REDGE: Come Jonathan! Free those toesies!
JONATHAN: Alright but I still think it’s safer to–
REDGE: AH! I love this song! To the dance floor Jonathan!
JONATHAN: Ok then…Right behind ya, Redge!
TP: Let’s stay up all night!!
(Music grows louder.)
TP: Nice moves, Redge!
REDGE: (striking a pose) Ha! Ha! Oooo yeah! Thank you. Come, Jonathan! Groove with me!
JONATHAN: Sure thing! This song IS groovy!
REDGE: Now, do the hustle!
JONATHAN: Nice!
REDGE: How about the robot! (Like a robot) Beep boop.
JONATHAN: Great choice.
REDGE: Now The electric slide!
JONATHAN: A classic move!
REDGE: Nice great form, Jonathan! Way to keep up!
JONATHAN: Why, thank you!
Music fades out
JONATHAN: Oh-what’s that over there?
TP: That’s the fort we’ve been building. Wanna grab a sheet and a chair? We still need to build a secret entrance.
JONATHAN: I’d love to!
TP: But first: PILLOW FIIIIIIIIGHT! Wap! Gotcha!
REDGE: Ooo hoo! What a swing!
TP: Grab a pillow!
REDGE: Watch out, Jonathan!
JONATHAN: Ah ha! Nice one! You got me! And look, Redge—karaoke!
REDGE: SQUEE! There’s nothing like a late night karaoke contest!
JONATHAN: Get up there, Redge!
REDGE: Oh, I don’t know…should I?
JONATHAN: Definitely!
REDGE: I shouldn’t.
TP: Never never no no no!
REDGE: Huh?
TP: In Never Never No No Land, we never second guess an impulse. You wanna sing, go sing!
REDGE: Oh! Ok!
EMCEE: Next up: Visiting all the way from Once Upon Time’s Folktale Forest, everyone give a warm welcome toooooo: Redge!
(Sound of crowd cheering.)
REDGE: (singing) Enough is enough! I can’t go on I can’t go on no more NO! Enough is enough!
TP: What a voice!
JONATHAN: Right?! Go Redge!!!
(Time passes. Music plays. Sounds of joy and laughter.)
JONATHAN: Redge? Redge?
REDGE: Come on, Jonathan! We can’t stop now. We gotta stay…up… (yawns)…all….night.
Whoa whoa whhoooooooooaaaa!
(Sound of a roller skate zooming and a thud as Redge falls.)
REDGE: Oof!
JONATHAN: Redge, are you ok?
REDGE: I’m ok. I’m so tired. I didn’t see this roller skate someone left here on the dance floor.
JONATHAN: That's not a good place for a roller skate. I’ll just pick those up and put them somewhere where–
TP: Never never no no no!
REDGE/JONATHAN: No??
TP: Here in Never Never No No Land, we don’t pick up our toys. There is no putting things away or tidying up!
REDGE: I despise tidying up. That was the very thing I was upset about at my hovel.
TP: Yeah! Cleaning up is for other lands. Not for the land where you never have to grow up!
REDGE: What a fun game… Dance party while dodging toys on the ground…De…(yawns)…lightful…
TP: Exactly! Now let’s go jump on the beds!
REDGE: A jump on the bed is… indeed… in…order…
(Redge yawns again.)
JONATHAN: I think we should get some rest. We could hurt ourselves. It’s too hard to pay attention when you’re tired.
TP: Never never no no no. Gotta stay up! You’ll miss all the fun if you go to bed now! Gotta just watch where you’re going.
REDGE: Yes Jonathan…don’t worry I have all…the energy…in the world…
(Redge begins to snore.)
TP: NEVER NEVER NO NO NO!
REDGE: Ah! I’m up! I’m up!
JONATHAN: I don’t know about you but I’m spent. I could really use some rest.
TP: NEVER NEVER NO NO NO!
REDGE: Yeah Jonathan! We can’t stop now. We’ll miss out on all the fun.
JONATHAN: But I’m too tired to enjoy any activities anymore. Don’t you think a rest would do us some good?
REDGE: Never never no no no!
TP: That's the spirit! Now come jump on the beds!
REDGE: Yes! Let’s go!
(Sound of jumping–Bounce bounce and then zoooom.)
JONATHAN: Be careful Redge, you’re getting a little too…
REDGE: Ahhhhhhhh!
(Sound of a crash.
JONATHAN: …high
Sprinkle fairydust magic sound.)
JONATHAN: Redge? Redge?
REDGE (waking up): Huh? What–what happened? Where are we?
JONATHAN: When you were jumping on the bed, you fell off and bumped your head. I used the last of the fairydust to get us back to your hovel. We needed some rest.
REDGE: I guess you’re right. Getting a good night’s sleep may feel like a grown-up responsibility, but it does make it easier to enjoy the day.
JONATHAN: Certainly! And my feet are so sore from going barefoot. I’ll have to soak them for a week.
REDGE: I’m sorry Never Never No No Land didn’t “pan” out, Jonathan.
JONATHAN: We still had fun though.
REDGE: That's true.
JONATHAN: And maybe that’s the trick.
REDGE: What do you mean?
JONATHAN: It’s all about balance! Fun is really important. But maybe it’s good to tend to your chores and responsibilities too.
REDGE: Right! I just needed to be reminded: Chores like tying your shoes, picking up your things, or resting when you need to rest, can help you feel ready and excited for the adventure ahead. And every day is an adventure!
JONATHAN: So you don’t want to eat candy for breakfast and stay up all night and jump on your bed until you can’t keep your eyes open anymore?
REDGE: Never never no no no! But moreover, who said chores can’t be fun?
JONATHAN: Great point, Redge!
REDGE: I may need to wash the windows, but no one said I can’t shake my groove thing while I do it!
(Redge turns on some disco music.)
JONATHAN: Mind if I join?
REDGE: Grab a broom and groove with me!
JONATHAN: And bump it while you scrub the windows!
REDGE: Electric slide as you pick up your mess!
JONATHAN: (In a robot voice) Beep boop. Robot.
REDGE/JONATHAN: Now do the hustle!
JONATHAN CORMUR: This has been a Jonincharacter production. This story was written by Monique Hafen Adams, edited by Molly Murphy, and performed by Jonathan Cormur. Sound recording and production by Jermaine Hamilton at Hamilton Studio Recordings. Reach out to us on Instagram or email us at dorktalesstorytime@gmail.com. Find links in the show notes or go to dorktalesstorytime.com. Now, go be the hero of your own story and we’ll see you next once-upon-a-time!
THEME SONG: So gather your squad for all to see. It's a universe that we've imagined. There's twists and turns and lessons learned. This is where the unexpected happens. Join our humble hosts and hit the trails of the wonderful, wacky, wild world of Dorktales.
© 2024 Dorktales Storytime