The Myth of Perfect Timing: Why There's No Better Moment Than Now

Battles are fought on multiple fronts, and I've faced many in my pursuit of personal growth. Join me as I delve into my personal battles with procrastination and the fear of failure, particularly during my journey to further my education. As a single mother and an army servicemember, I chased the elusive "right time," only to learn that it’s a myth that binds us with chains of self-doubt. Prepare for an unfiltered exploration of the challenges we encounter on our paths to self-improvement, and discover how facing our fears can catalyze profound growth.

Then, step into the trenches of my life where the roles of soldier, student, and parent often collided, creating a relentless storm of responsibilities. Discover how I maneuvered through the demanding terrains of military duties, educational goals, and fleeting moments of motherhood. This episode offers a raw look at the sacrifices made and the elusive quest for balance that often seemed just beyond grasp. From these frank revelations, a potent message emerges: armed with determination and effective strategies for self-care and prioritization, we can navigate even the most formidable of life’s challenges.

Enter a world of fear, resilience, and generational trauma in "The Devil That Haunts Me". Follow Isabella and Julitza as they confront their demons in a tale of suspense, mystery, and the supernatural.

Explore the first seven chapters here

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh we could, we could fly. Welcome to this new season of the have a Cup of Johani podcast. So I want to title this new season that I'm embarking on with I'm Growing, so this is going to be the season of growth and that's what I'm going to share with you throughout the season. So I thank you for coming over here and sitting with me and I hope you enjoy. Hello everyone, and welcome back to this fabulous Wednesday with me, joa, for the Habakkuk Bojwani podcast, and we are going to finish April with this episode right here, and let me remind you, april has been all about me sharing with you those things that held me back, those type of mindsets, those thoughts, those actions that I did that held me back from embracing my full potential and actioning things within that potential. As you know, we get really real over here and sometimes raw and vulnerable as I reveal certain things, and I'm not going to lie, sometimes I get really I can't believe I said that. Nevertheless, grab your favorite cup, get a little cozy, whatever it is that you have to do to get there, and let's share things that hold us back. Are you ready? Let's go.

Speaker 1: 1:34

You may have heard about this or you may have heard this phrase. I should say when I get this done, then I will do this, this done, then I will do this, or after this, I will feel this way. I know you've heard that and you have probably said some sort of phrase or formula that is within that realm of waiting for the right time, that myth of the right time air quotes here. You know, it's that elusive moment when, supposedly, the stars align and everything is supposed to be perfect for making a big life change. Perfect for making a big life change. And I talk about this in one of my blog posts about the curse of the New Year's Eve resolutions, because it's kind of like. It's almost like a fairy tale, like we are waiting for this elusive moment to occur when everything is just right, as kind of like the thing that gives us permission to finally act on something that we either want to do or we know we must do. Yeah, right, I write fiction, so that's right up there with a fairy tale, a very fictional story. Can you hear that? Yeah, that's fiction, but I've been there. I've been there waiting on the sidelines, waiting in that pause and just waiting for that right time for everything to align just right in my life, and in particularly the example.

Speaker 1: 3:41

The story that I'm going to share with you is about my bachelor's degree and how I did that in order to pursue education. This project is done or let's wait. Like you know, I'm in the army. Let's wait until we get through this training or we get through this rotation. That has been my go-to and this has to do with procrastination. But it goes beyond procrastination because I've also written extensively about that and you can go check it out on the blog. Just put on the search bar procrastination and you may see quite a few blog posts about that. And you can go check it out on the blog. Just put on the search bar procrastination and you may see quite a few blog posts about it.

Speaker 1: 4:29

I always like to say I'm a recovering procrastinator. Procrastination goes way deeper from everything that I've read about that and it really does make sense for me and my experience and that is procrastination is essentially a fear. It's how we action our fears. So for me, I action my fears by putting things off because I'm fearful of what people will. Misery of doing a long-term project such as getting my bachelor's degree. I knew that that's a long-term commitment and being a single mom at that time in the Army as well, right, these are two things that I had going on in my life and I still do Not the single mom thing. But I'm still a mother, right, and now I'm a wife. So I still have those things in my life being part of a family, being a family member with responsibilities within that realm, as well as working in the army and having responsibilities within that realm. But now I know that I can fulfill other things as well, not just within those two realms of my life, but nevertheless because of that fear that I had in this case it was fear of failure. Because one thing right. So if you, the army pays you for so many classes and it's free, they pay for your tuition and some schools. On top of that, they also give you free books not all schools, some schools. So I had the right thought of taking advantage of this. So that way I can not just make myself a better individual once I retire, but also because for us and the enlisted ranks, it's worth promotion points as well and it helps us to get promoted. It helps us to elevate our careers above our peers when we get these things done, such as education, bachelor's, master's degrees, some even do go all the way as far as PhD. I'm still thinking about that one.

Speaker 1: 6:51

But I had a fear of failure and having to repay those classes, that money that the army would have paid for. Because I'm like, if I get too hectic and I cannot complete the coursework, then I'm going to fail, and a failure means that I will have to repay back that money because I didn't pass that class. But I wasn't really looking into the proof that I had within me. I've always if you heard me say this before I am like just your local Dominican nerd, so I have no problems when it comes to like scholarly work. That's not really one of my weaknesses. I thrive in a scholarly environment. I'm very good there, very comfortable there. But fears are illogical, right. So even though I knew my entire life, since I was very young, school has been something that I have no problems with that fear still went in there, as illogical as it was. Just because that's what fears do it taps into something that is not rational and then you go with it. You believe it until you're able to objectively assess it, and that's what I had to do in here.

Speaker 1: 8:17

But before I got to that realization, part of this journey, because this takes a long time, folks. So I'm telling you these stories, and I'm telling you these stories in like 20 to 30 minute increments, but living it, it was years. It took years for me to get here and it was not linear at all as I got here either. Okay, so the excuses that I was making here for me to to feel better about pushing this off is like my life is too hectic, my son is going to through school himself elementary and middle school and all of that. So I was like I have to be there to help him out as well.

Speaker 1: 9:03

So I pushed that dream to the back burner, just waiting for a sign, as I said, or that magical gap in my life to happen. Like you know, come on me thinking about it now. I'm like what was I thinking, johnny? Like what was I thinking? Like as if my life would have just like paused, you know, like the universe would just go like okay, time out, time out, hold on, joannie needs to go to school. Everybody pause, freeze, okay. But I'm laughing because here's the kicker, right. It just life doesn't wait. Life doesn't wait for no one. Life continues to move, whether you are moving or not. If you're not, it's just going to pass you by, but it never stops. It never does, but it never stops, it never does.

Speaker 1: 10:03

So when it comes to this story here that I'm telling you about completing my bachelor's degree just one day, I will remind you fear is illogical. So because fear is illogical, I react to it in illogical ways. But it's also part of my personality. I'm a big rip, the band-aid kind of person, like if I have uncomfortable news to share and I know I must share, I'm just going to do it. And some people may have experienced that with me. I don't like to live in an uncomfortable zone for too long and procrastination feels very stressful. It's something that you can put off for oh so long before you are creating this kind of tension and stress within. And it may not be visible on the outside to other people, but inside this pressure and come on procrastinators out there, if you're like me and you're recovering procrastinators, let me know, get in the comments and let me know.

Speaker 1: 11:16

But it's this like this built up. I equate it to like a boiling sancocho. You know when sancocho is like getting really good. Y los platanos? You know they're getting soft. And la yuca también. It's almost like you know, se está devorando ahí en el sancocho en la sopa, and then it just starts boiling and sometimes, right if you're not paying attention it boils and then the cover starts making that right, because it starts bubbling so hard that it's pushing the cover up and then bouncing it back on the pot. But that's how it feels.

Speaker 1: 11:55

So it got to a point where I'm like I'm just going to rip the bandaid. You know like fudge it, rip the bandaid, and I have to do it like really quickly, or else I'm going to psych myself out whenever I get to these kind of moments in my life. So I remember I just went in and when this thing happens to be like I do this stuff like at the worst of time, right, and it's like looking back at it, I'm like I could have picked a better time, but because I take so long and I wait until I'm completely stressed about it that when I end up doing it I do it at the worst of time. Okay, so listen to this and let this be kind of like a warning to you to really like, when you first get that inkling that you must do something, just do it. Just do it, because eventually you will have to do it and more often than not then by the time you do get to it, it'll be like the worst of time. You know, tell yourself that next time. That has been what has happened to me more often than not. Okay, that has been my experience.

Speaker 1: 13:03

So, like I said, one day I just ripped the bandaid, I just. It was the worst of time, but I sat there on my computer and I didn't allow myself to get out until I had a degree plan uploaded. It was Go Army Ed back in the day, right. And then I was accepted, right, and I went back and forth with people, and I remember going to the Ed Center for a few hours as well, mind you. So this is like almost like a half a day of just getting this one thing done, right. And here I am like worrying about like I don't have no time, or it's the worst of time. You see what I'm saying. You see how illogical that mindset that I had was. And here I was like a whole half a day just to get this one thing done, because I didn't make the steps prior. Okay, and, as it happens, once that is in the system, you have to wait. If I remember correctly, it was like 48 hours that I had to wait before I can enroll in my first class.

Speaker 1: 14:07

Thankfully, thankfully, I did not go like I'm going to like do five classes all at once. Thankfully, I did not do that. I did. What was it? I did not do that, I did. Uh, what was it? I did two. I did two classes at once. It was tough and the reasoning behind it was not.

Speaker 1: 14:46

So, yeah, my life was chaotic around in my 20s and 30s. I was trying to get promoted, move up the ranks and at the same time, be a single mom, be available for my son, getting deployed and going to training exercises for these deployments, and all of that was happening all at once and in between there I was trying to find time to get my classes done. So I was really exhausted more often than not. And then, to this day, I still apologize for my son because there were a lot of days where I was not as engaged as a parent as I should have been, where I was not as engaged as a parent as I should have been, and then he had to suffer through that and because I just I had a lot going on, but I did rip the bandaid, I did go in and um, for the most part took two classes at the same time, um, each semester and and it was like late nights and I'm not a night owl at all.

Speaker 1: 17:56

So when I have to do late nights that's really rough on my body. Early mornings, but that's easy for me. I will do early mornings on the weekends and that's something that I still do to this day. I do early mornings so I can accomplish my writing work before my husband gets up. And Red Bull, I don't know how else to say. I wasn't a big coffee drinker back then, but now I am. So I kind of like giving that up for the most part. I still enjoy it here and there, especially when I have like a rough day ahead. But, yeah, red Bull.

Speaker 1: 18:34

But I chewed on these two classes and the coursework little by little and then I think somebody told me oh, you're really good at English. That's before I became very in tune with writing and understanding that I had a talent there and all of that. I just knew that I could pass English very easily and that the writing 101 very easily. So somebody was like oh hey, you know, you can test that you know you can test out on that and the Army will pay for it. And I did that, you know. So, little by little, I started chewing small chunks of this goal, assignment by assignment, project by project, and, yes, I got some C's in there.

Speaker 1: 19:26

There were some rough instances where I had to cut back to one class. That was like a big realization that I had. I was like shoot, you know, like two is definitely too much. Once again, I'm like, while fear is illogical sometimes, how I go in there and try to overcome that fear is also very illogical. So, looking back at it, I can tell you that I don't think I should have started doing two classes at once. I think I should have eased myself first and done one class just to test that out, you know, and then do two classes if I'm comfortable doing one class, and that has seemed feasible for me and then just gone to one class whenever things get more hectic than usual.

Speaker 1: 20:15

But yeah, but it was rough at the beginning. I think eventually I got my rhythm. We call it battle rhythm. But eventually I got my rhythm and I was able to kind of like block out certain times within my schedule to do certain things. I always had a textbook with me everywhere I went. So when I had a lunch break, I was doing some things. When I was waiting at appointments, I was doing some things. Definitely on the weekends I was exploiting that. So I did not have a personal life during this time, because my free time was devoted to either spending time with my son or doing coursework either spending time with my son or doing coursework, so that way I can finish my degree.

Speaker 1: 21:01

And, like I said, it wasn't perfect at all. I was sometimes not present, sometimes very exhausted, and, like I said, I could have done that a little bit easier on myself. But I think putting so much pressure on myself at the beginning and procrastinating kind of like made things worse in the end as opposed to making it better. So take this lesson with you, okay, and try not to dig yourself too deep in the hole of procrastination. And if you do, just know hear this example that I'm giving you here and just know that there is a way out and accept that coming out of that hole is going to be uncomfortable, it's okay, accept that, and as long as you understand that it is going to be uncomfortable and you have some tools in your bag to self-soothe and de-stress and stuff like that, then everything is doable in life. I'm like that. Then everything is doable in life. I want to say almost everything is doable in life. What did I say? The only sure thing is death and taxes if you live in the United States. Right, everything else is doable. There's always a way around it.

Speaker 1: 22:12

So don't put things on your someday list like I did. Don't do that. Put them on your today list, not on your someday list. Put it on your today list, bullet journal it. These are the things that I'm going to tackle today. Assess yourself, don't be illogical like me and rip the band-aid in such a chaotic manner that makes things harder on yourself, but put things on your today list.

Speaker 1: 22:49

And if you're like me and big task and I'm talking about tasks that takes a whole lot of time and a whole lot of commitment from you scare you, like they do me break them down into small chunks. Thankfully for me, the way that the Go Army Ed process worked. It forced me to break that task in smaller chunks because it forced me to first get a degree plan from a counselor and then have that accepted by Go Army Ed, and then it forces you to kind of like stop there for a little bit, right, until the system sorts itself out and then you're able to enroll in your first class. Enroll in your first class. So it broke that down for me to where I wasn't like biting the entire chunk all at once. So do that.

Speaker 1: 23:44

If you have this enormous task that brings so much fear to you, just break it into smaller chunks. And I like to do the timeline where it's like the big task is at the end, and then I put all the smaller tasks that once you add them up, they build up to that one, and that's usually how I do it, and then I see myself progressing through them. And sometimes it's not linear. Sometimes I do things all the way on the other end and then come back for other things because the way that my day had been set up or my life at that time, it just worked out better that way for me. You know, and I do it that way. But I think the trick is for this is just to break things into smaller chunks.

Speaker 1: 24:42

Okay, and I will say that, if you're really serious about this, just make yourself that promise to shift that, shift that way of thinking and say I will no longer have a someday list, I will have a today list. Okay, and embrace the uncomfortableness that comes with it, the, the chaos that will certainly be there, because that's that's a given right. If you're a recovering procrastinator like me, they will be chaos, it will just happen, it's okay. Embrace it, say okay, I see you, I expected you to be here. Okay, moving on, you know. But just know that the right time will never be here. You make the time it's already here. The time it's already here. All you have to do is do the damn thing, that's it. And don't sell yourself short like I did. Listen to the whole how I made myself small episode. Don't do that. Don't do that.

Speaker 1: 25:50

We are so much more capable of things than we realize. A lot of the times we've been conditioned and traumatized to believe that we cannot do certain things or certain things are beyond our grasp. But that is once again fear, and sometimes it comes from family members, from friends, from mentors, that pass down their fears unto you. You don't have to accept that Somebody else's gaps in their swing, somebody else's shortcomings, are not your shortcomings. Somebody else's fears are not your fears, just because somebody thinks that they cannot do a degree, that school is not for them. That doesn't mean that that's your case as well. It just means that they're sharing that piece of themselves with you and if somebody starts projecting on you their fears, just don't accept it. You know, understand that that's their fear, not yours. Don't take it, don't put it on your shoulders, walk away from that. Ah, okay, and I hope you got something out of this. I really do, and I hope you leave this episode knowing that you are more capable of doing things than what you may think you're capable of, and life is just going to be messy and chaotic and it's okay, we just gonna keep on swimming, all right.

Speaker 1: 27:28

I'd love to hear your stories and thoughts about this and just let me know, especially if you're a recovering procrastinator like me, like, have you, have you ever waited for like that perfect moment, like me, and what pushed you? What was the thing? Was it the stress, that tension that just built up? You know what pushed you to finally say, like, budget, I'm doing this? I would love to hear that from you. Let me know in the comments, or you can tag me on social media or you can email me. My email is joa at haveacupofjoanicom, that is, joa at haveacupofjoanicom, and let's talk about this myth of the right time. All right, y'all Thanks for sharing this cup with me today. And remember, we don't wait, we don't have some day list, we have today list. Okay, all right. And since this is our last episode for April, may this is your Warno, folks.

Speaker 1: 28:37

May is going to be all about this book that turned into books, that turned into books within different genres that are all part of a series, within different genres that are all part of a series. I know you heard that right, and I need a whole month to talk about this, because you will never believe it and I cannot just say it in one episode. It's a lot, a lot of things went down, okay, but I think I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to this series. So I hope you join me in the month of May, and this will be the writing May. We're going to write in May. I'm going to talk to you about my writing and I'm going to talk to you about these books that I will publish here in this year, this year, next year.

Speaker 1: 29:33

Okay, so stick around, come join me for May and until next time, keep learning, keep pushing yourself, keep striving and remember, get your today list All right. Bye, all right bye. Thank you so much for listening. I wanna hear from you. Leave me a comment, do a rating if you can on the podcast, share it with somebody you love, but, most importantly, come back. See you next time. Bye.