Building Long-Term Resilience: Strategies for Growth and Self-Regulation

Can resilience be developed, or is it just something you're born with? Discover how you can build long-term resilience and sustain growth over time, much like strengthening a muscle. In this episode of the Have a Cup of Johanny podcast, we uncover the essential traits of resilient individuals and how these can be cultivated through continuous effort and practice. Through my personal narrative and extensive research, we explore how relationships, flexibility, a positive outlook, emotional self-regulation, mindfulness, problem-solving, and finding meaning play pivotal roles in resilience. From overcoming cultural barriers to thriving in the military environment, I share how trusting relationships beyond family and new environments can foster resilience, thus debunking the myth that resilience is solely an innate trait.

Building resilience isn't just about facing life's adversities; it's about mastering self-regulation. Join me as I recount my experiences with the Army's MRT program, journaling, therapy, and meditation—all crucial tools in navigating childhood trauma and adulthood challenges. We delve into the importance of understanding personal triggers and the transformative power of empathy in emotional responses and interactions. By sharing practical strategies, we emphasize that these skills can be taught and developed, especially in children, to better prepare them for the future. Tune in to discover how consistent practice and facing challenges head-on can strengthen your resilience muscle, equipping you for life's inevitable ups and downs. Don't miss next week's episode for more insightful discussions!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh, we could, we could fly. Welcome to this new season of the have a Cup of Johani podcast. So I want to title this new season that I'm embarking on with I'm growing, so this is going to be the season of growth and that's what I'm going to share with you throughout the season. So I thank you for coming over here and sitting with me, and I hope you enjoy.

Speaker 2: 0:26

Hello everyone and welcome back to have a Cup of Johnny podcast, where every oops is the gateway to uh-huh. I am Johnny and I am here with you on this last Wednesday of June to share with you this journey of discovery and growth. And today, for our last Wednesday, we are going to continue this exploration of resilience and we're going to go beyond that and talk about how to build long-term resilience and sustaining growth over time. Are you ready to dive into how we can maintain and build upon what we learned for these past three Wednesdays? You are, you are, you are Okay, great, because if you weren't, then you really wouldn't be here listening to this. So let's go All right.

Speaker 2: 1:38

The foundation people, the foundation of long-term resilience, here it is, and I did some thinking. I'm a master resiliency trainer. I think that's why I love to talk about this subject, and not just because I'm trained and certified on it, but also because I've put these skills to work for me and I have seen what it does for me and it can do for other people, and that's why I get so geeked out whenever I get to talk about it. And I'm so happy that I chose the month of June to use this as my theme, right To use this month as my resiliency theme. Nevertheless, I digress. So building resiliency is not a one-time event. It's not. Remember, I said on the last episode, the episode before this, that you need to think about resilience like a muscle, a muscle that you continuously work on so that way it can strengthen, it can grow, and that's what we're focusing on. Today's episode we are talking about comes to building that foundation from that platform, la plataforma, from where you can build resilience and grow from it. Okay, so not only am I going to tap into what I know, but I also tapped into Generations, american Societyetyonagingorg. They have this great thing about this article of where they kind of assess and research what people had within them already that showed high levels of resilience. And right here, it says that it appears that some people innately possess better responses to adversity and distress. And it says the APA in 2020 describes characteristics displayed by resilient individuals, and these characteristics they include strong relationships and a strong social network, being flexible Remember we talked about that with a willingness to adapt.

Speaker 2: 4:08

Go back to the last episode Maintaining a positive outlook and optimism, emotional self-regulation, engaging in mindfulness and spirituality, having strong problem-solving skills, understanding and embracing one's dream. That's very importante. Demonstrating emotional awareness and finding a sense of meaning. I call this finding your why. Now, what I don't agree on I don't like how they say it. It appears that some people innately possess right, because then it may give the message that you either have it or you don't like how they say it. It appears that some people innately possess right, because then it may give the message that you either have it or you don't.

Speaker 2: 4:50

When it comes to the foundation of resiliency and I don't agree with that because I have proved myself that that is an incorrect statement are some things that I didn't innately have. I wasn't taught and it wasn't inculcated in me, but I learned certain skills, I put them into practice and it became a habit, and now they are my habits, they have become my building blocks to resilience. So I'm a big advocate that resiliency can be taught. If you didn't innately have certain skills, okay. Okay, for example, having strong relationships and a support network.

Speaker 2: 5:35

I'm an introverted person. Mostly I recoup my energy by being alone. Didn't have like this big social network, this big amount of friends and things of that nature, of friends and things of that nature, and, to be honest, like it was hard for me to communicate and to bond with other people that were outside of my family, just because of how I grew up and my culture, right, that really just advocates more for community being within the family structure as opposed to outside of it. So that is something that I had to learn how to bond with people that I didn't share genetic traits with, you know, in order to really learn and cultivate strong relationships and a social network that will help me in times of adversity and distress. And that became key because when I joined the military, I went away from home and therefore didn't have that the family structure close to me. So it was almost like this sink or swim kind of experience where I had to learn how to create these bonds with individuals that were not family, and I had to learn how to trust people, how to put certain things in place so that way I can feel safe while trusting individuals that were not from my family tree. So this was something that I had to learn to do, because I found myself in a new environment where I didn't know anyone there and where no one had como se dice, like.

Speaker 2: 7:23

You know how, like fan, blood is everything. Family is everything, at least in the Latina household, right. And it's like you have this certain loyalty, just this innate loyalty At least that's how I was raised with family. Just because they're family, they can be the worst person on earth, but you will be loyal to them because they're family, right. So it's a certain kind of safety that you find in that environment because you know that these people will have your back right, just because they're family. Just because you share genes, you share a last name and so forth.

Speaker 2: 7:59

So when I found myself outside of that structure it was anxiety ridden, it was very new to me, which was really a struggle to understand and navigate that community, that new community that I was part of, all of a sudden, just because I didn't feel safe, because I didn't know, I didn't think that I will get the same kind of loyalty, the same kind of love from these people that didn't share a last name or didn't share genetic traits with me, and I felt very like open, kind of like, you know, open in the wild, like this little cub outside in the wild, and suddenly everyone can hurt them and you see everybody else as a threat, and that's how that felt. So I had to learn how to engage in conversation with people that I didn't know, and engage in conversation with a purpose to really understand that individual and understand if they were a safe person to be around, a safe person that I can trust, because I needed somebody to talk to. I've always been and I think most of us are like this that person that I need to divulge things, I need to get things off of my chest to someone or into a journal or something. That's kind of like how I let go of things is by saying it out loud or writing it. And so I knew for a fact when I came out of my home and into the wild and the army, I knew that I needed that outlet. So, because of that need, I went ahead and learned very quickly how to identify people that I could connect with and still be safe around and that I can trust.

Speaker 2: 10:02

And I think the number two being flexible and willing to adapt became like a thing that was forced on me because of what I had signed up to do, which is to change from duty station to duty station every three or so years. So being flexible really was something that was forced on me and then it became a second nature to me. So once again, that was something that I learned, and not just from the army but also from my own immigration story. Right, I don't think people realize how much change happens when somebody moves from one country, one culture, into another and having to learn a whole new language, having to make a whole new connections and everything. It's just, it's unreal the type of change that one goes through and it's like really a fearful thing to go through it and one really has to step into courage to embark on that kind of change. And that happened to me very early on in life. So you can say that I innately had it, just because of the experience that I had had. But I really think that through my many moves in the army, that was really inculcated in me to like, be willing to adapt to change and be flexible. I practice it every day in the type of work that I do, the same with maintaining a positive outlook and optimism. That is something that I had to learn.

Speaker 2: 11:40

If you heard any of my previous episode, I used to be the kind of person that would rather think negatively than positively, because I swore that if I thought positively about something that I would inevitably be disappointed by the outcome. So I would have rather think negatively and then be happily surprised with a positive outcome than think positive and then just be disappointed, because I thought that I will constantly be disappointed or be more disappointed than happily surprised. Okay, so I had to learn that. I had to learn to let go of that myth. I don't know where I got that myth to be honest with you folks, I really don't know. I'm sure it's somewhere in my childhood which I haven't uncovered yet, but it's somewhere there.

Speaker 2: 12:35

I just felt safer thinking negatively about things and perhaps it was the way that I kind of protected myself from disappointment and being let down by other people.

Speaker 2: 12:47

That's what I think happened, and because of that I just I learned to really have low expectations or negative expectations in order for the end results to bring me a sense of joy.

Speaker 2: 13:02

So I had to learn to change that and I did.

Speaker 2: 13:06

And now I know that being positive is not going to set me up for disappointment but, if anything, it's going to grow into a positive outcome and it's going to grow into being more flexible and having that cushion of joy when bad things happen, because I'm realistic, I know that some things will not work out just like.

Speaker 2: 13:32

I know that some things will, and I know that I will get both good and bad results. But if I maintain a positive outlook, if I maintain positivity, then I look at that as having a safety net to my emotions, because then, with that positive mindset, I am able to react better when bad things do happen, which it does in everyone's life. Right, what else? I had very poor self-regulation. I know you heard that episode where I went off on a friend, bad, and I'm going to say that this is something that I continuously work on, just because I have so many triggers based on my childhood, my horror era, that it was very hard for me to learn how to self-regulate, growing up when I was just surviving in survival mode more often than not.

Speaker 2: 14:28

So that's something that I didn't have in me at all and I really I credit the MRT program in the Army for helping me to learn self-regulation. And I am telling you that is something that really pays dividends for me and I will dare say that it will pay dividends for a lot of people when you learn how to self-regulate. And I learned that through identifying my triggers and I did that through journaling and speaking to a therapist, to a professional person, and through meditation and just those breaths, that tactical breathing I learned to do to kind of like bring down my heart rate and bring down my emotional response to certain things, and really understanding that not everyone is out to get me, that everyone is just living their own lives and going through their own hurdles and their own pains and hurts and scars, and I'm just part of that group of people that is doing the same thing. So learning that helped me to self-regulate and to go beyond that and empathize with other human beings that I come across with and not feel antagonized by other people's reaction. And I learned that from MRT as an adult and I learned that from the Four Agreements, that book that I read in my 20s. So these things I learned in my adulthood. I didn't had it innately in me. My family didn't inculcate that in me. I don't think. I don't know if these are things that are genetically implanted right Through production I was gonna say production right Through having children. I don't know. I don't know that. If you do, let me know. But I surely did not grow up with these skills in place.

Speaker 2: 16:24

If you're a parent of small children, I highly encourage you to not just teach them reading and writing and math and science. That's very important in social studies, histories and all that. That's very important. Yes, they need to know that, but I really think something else that kids need to be taught is how to be resilient. Think something else that kids need to be taught is how to be resilient. These skills, these life-saving skills that will help them cope with adversity, because adversity is a given. Everybody will go through them. But everybody should be taught how to self-regulate, how to be able to meditate, how to journal, how to identify the positive in things, even in shitty situations, and I think that this is something that should be taught in elementary schools so that way, kids have these skills and are able to be more self-sufficient when it comes to their emotions and adapting to change, because change and adversity is a given folks, it's a given. And adversity is a given folks it's a given.

Speaker 2: 17:24

Going back to how we started, while the American Society, on Aging here, says that it appears that people who innately possess these skills were better off at handling adversity and distress, I say yes, and I also say that these skills, if they're not innate in an individual, they can be taught. They can, I wholeheartedly believe, because I learned those skills in adulthood, and here I am talking to you about how much they pay dividends for me and how, in a place right now where I see the growth, I see the change that has happened to me and I'm able to do things that before I wouldn't have been able to, not because of a physical challenge per se, but more of a mindset challenge. So, yes, these are the basis to sustaining resilience, but don't be fooled If you don't have them right now, you can learn them. Okay, and remember, even the most resilient of us are going to face setbacks, but how we handle these can either strengthen or weaken our resilience muscle. We explore techniques here for dealing with setbacks constructively, including mindset shifts, including seeking feedback from your social network and leveraging that social network and support system, and even incorporating professional help.

Speaker 2: 19:05

Building and sustaining resilience is like building a muscle it gets stronger the more we use and challenge it. And as we wrap up today's episode, remember that each challenge is an opportunity to reinforce and add layers to it, to reinforce and add layers to it. And join us next week as we tackle another episode. I don't know, I don't know yet what the theme will be for July, but I'll let you all know. Still, come back next Wednesday. I'll see you then. Bye.

Speaker 1: 19:46

Thank you so much for listening. I want to hear from you. Leave me a comment, do a rating, if you can, on the podcast, share it with somebody you love, but, most importantly, come back. See you next time. Bye.