The Hayley Lloyd Show
60. 1661 days sober: what i've learnt, tips & why it was the best decision of my life
Ever wondered how a life without alcohol could change your world?
In this episode I'm celebrating a milestone of 1,661 days without a drink. Through personal stories and reflections, we'll uncover the transformative power of living alcohol-free, from overcoming social challenges to finding new avenues for confidence and self-expression. This episode isn't about preaching abstinence; it's about sharing a personal path that might inspire your own journey, whether you're moderating or considering a sober lifestyle.
Navigating life without alcohol, especially within a society that celebrates drinking, is no small feat. We explore the practical realities of maintaining sobriety, from handling social pressures to redefining relationships and managing cravings.
Learn how shifting to sober activities and finding new passions can dramatically enhance your personal growth and emotional healing.
Ever wondered how a life without alcohol could change your world?
In this episode I'm celebrating a milestone of 1,661 days without a drink. Through personal stories and reflections, we'll uncover the transformative power of living alcohol-free, from overcoming social challenges to finding new avenues for confidence and self-expression. This episode isn't about preaching abstinence; it's about sharing a personal path that might inspire your own journey, whether you're moderating or considering a sober lifestyle.
Navigating life without alcohol, especially within a society that celebrates drinking, is no small feat. We explore the practical realities of maintaining sobriety, from handling social pressures to redefining relationships and managing cravings.
Learn how shifting to sober activities and finding new passions can dramatically enhance your personal growth and emotional healing.
I have officially been sober for 1,661 days, that is, four years, six months and 18 days. My mind is blown because I am an ex-alcoholic. I previously in a past life could not even have a social situation where I did not have a drink of some sort in my hand. I was completely dependent on alcohol to give me a voice. And I have just passed a kind of landmark where recently I went back home and started going to a load of events that even just a couple of years ago would have been a little bit triggering for me. And I want to give you guys some of the biggest things that I have witnessed and seen in myself as I have stepped into this sober living community, shall we call it, and how I've actually navigated some of the things, because becoming sober is not easy and for anyone that is probably an active member of society, you will see the influence of alcohol wherever you look. It is more normal for you to drink than not drink and people have a lot of opinions on it. And so for someone that has been very much in the alcohol community, have had alcohol-driven friendships, has really lent on alcohol to give myself a voice, to give myself confidence, it is something that is incredibly hard to detach from once you are entrenched in it. And I think it's really important that we hear these stories, because when I was in the trenches of alcoholism, I often read stories of people that became sober and wondered how. But it was like they gave me a lifeline. It was like a life jacket that I kind of held onto because I could see what was possible if I did one day become sober. Even though I never thought that when I was drinking I had a problem. I was always like I was adamant I'm not an alcoholic, I'm not dependent. Blah, blah, blah. And I can only see on the other side how wrong that actually was and how dependent I actually was. But I really want to give you guys a little bit of an insight in what this journey has looked like and why the most recent trip home that I had actually really caused me to reflect on my sobriety and the positive effects that it's had on my life.
Speaker 1:Now I do want to give a caveat that this is no shame to anyone that does drink alcohol. This is purely my own perspective and my own journey that I've been through. I do not think that everyone needs to go alcohol. Some people have a really brilliant relationship with alcohol where they can moderate, where they can kind of control their behaviour and their consumption of it. I couldn't do that and so I am not one of those people. So this is from someone that has a very difficult relationship with alcohol, that does have addictive tendencies, and this was the best path for me. But this is no shame to anyone that still drinks, and this is not a you must stop drinking episode in the slightest. This is just my own perspective. I know a lot of people have a lot of questions around how I did it, why I did it, and I want to answer some of those things for you guys today in this episode. So let's get into it. So, before we get into the things that I've really noticed and I'm specifically going to go into 10 things to know when you quit alcohol and the biggest things that have shifted for me and that allowed me to do it but I do want to talk a little bit about my experience with alcohol and why I decided to give up Now.
Speaker 1:My relationship with alcohol was always quite difficult. I started drinking from a relatively young age and not in moderation. I was a binge drinker through and through. I could not control my drinking and I could not control my moderation, so I very quickly would become blackout, wouldn't remember things, and this can be fun for a while, but when there is typically things underneath it over time, when you're drunk and blackout, you end up doing things that you don't really want to do. You end up a different version of you ends up coming out, and that's kind of what started to happen to me towards the end, where I just didn't feel like I was in control of anything that I was doing and it ended up creating a lot of self-hatred.
Speaker 1:Now, over the years I've had and have spoken about some of the trauma that I've experienced. Over the years I've had two counts of sexual assault, I've had ectopic pregnancies, difficult breakups, and there was a period about, I would say, five or six years ago god, I don't remember the exact date now I was living in London. How old was I? Around 24. 24 was a really difficult age for me, with a lot of things happened in about a two year period, and I remember this one time where I was I'd come back from a night out and I was in so much emotional pain because I wasn't blackout that I just curled up into a ball on my floor and I just sobbed and I cried and I made a decision and a promise to myself that I would never allow myself to experience that level of pain again. And that is when my addiction started. So I can pretty much pinpoint that to that moment, because it was just so intense.
Speaker 1:I had no idea how to handle my emotions and I was also a very anxious person, because the anxiety had been developed over many, many years and I'd never, you know, understood how to manage it. I never understood how to manage my emotions, so the only way that I felt like I had control over my emotions was when I drank. Not only did it give me confidence, not only did it allow me to be a version of myself that I really wanted to be. As a child that had always struggled with confidence and fitting in and being herself, it really gave me a voice. It allowed me to wear a mask and to fit in with everyone else when everyone else seemed to do it so seamlessly. It allowed me to have the confidence and release the anxiety so that I could do that too.
Speaker 1:And although, as I've said, that can be okay for a while, over time it starts to wear thin because you start to question like who really am I? And my reasons for drinking was essentially too numb. I wanted to numb. I wanted to build a version of myself that I actually liked, that other people would like. I wanted to be accepted. But underneath all of it was trauma, as A lot of trauma that I had never, ever, given any time to resolve. And when trauma just goes unresolved it just melts. It doesn't go anywhere. You can't drink it away. It just continues to build and build and build until eventually it becomes to a tipping point.
Speaker 1:Now my alcohol dependency led to severe social anxiety and the social anxiety then exacerbated the need for alcohol, because I couldn't be in a situation with less than two people without having a drink of alcohol in my hands. If I had a group of more than three, I would start going into a panic attack. My hands would go numb, my face would start burning, I would start to feel myself disassociate from my body, where I'd kind of be looking in from like a different perspective. And really, what happened to my ears? I couldn't hear anyone and I was just berating myself in my head over and over and over again, and the only thing that would calm, that would be alcohol, would be something to numb that.
Speaker 1:Now in London, when I lived in London, part of the reason that my drinking started to be okay was because of drugs. I started to realise if I had certain drugs that it would actually bring the effect of the alcohol down and I could kind of regulate my drinking a little bit like that. But it made me quite a toxic version of myself. So I became a version of myself that I'm not proud of, that I've had to do a lot of healing around, quite a meaner version of myself, just really disassociated and detached from who I really was.
Speaker 1:And when I eventually moved over to Australia because I kind of wanted to have a fresh start, I noticed that my drinking didn't get better. Like I didn't just just because I changed locations. Nothing actually changed. My drinking actually got worse because the drugs weren't as strong in Australia. So I got sloppy.
Speaker 1:I got really, really sloppy when I was in Australia and I got myself into a couple of quite dangerous situations which again, I'm not proud of today and I got to a stage where it really was a life or death thing for me. I was like I can't keep on doing this because I hate myself. Every single time I look in the mirror I feel sick. Every time I wake up with a hangover I have five days worth of anxiety which consumes my every single thought. It makes me shaky, it makes me want more alcohol, just so I can get out of that cave of self-hatred.
Speaker 1:But inevitably it's just a self-fulfilling prophecy, because every single time that you drink again, you end up in the same place again, and I just couldn't regulate it because I was chasing a certain feeling like that high that you get that warmth glow that you get in alcohol. Everyone wants to keep that feeling. I never wanted it to go, and so you can chase it for a certain period of time, but eventually, every single time I'd chase it too hard and I'd end up blackout and I could never, ever, ever moderate when that was in no situation. So, despite many, many rounds of trying very desperately to moderate and I was like, okay, I'm just going to cut back, I'm just going to go out for one drink, I would always end up blackout again. And so then I'd try small periods of quitting and I quit for a period of time, but then I'd get sucked back into social pressure and social norms, and I'd start drinking again, and every single time I'd go through the same period of like hating myself, feeling lethargic, feeling like I was a piece of shit and not doing the things that I ultimately wanted to do. I knew I was holding myself back. There were so many things that I had desired to do, but I had too much anxiety and, quite frankly, I was spending all of my time and money on alcohol, so I didn't have any time to do anything else. So I eventually got to a stage where I decided enough's enough, and I actually did this with the help of my partner.
Speaker 1:Both my partner and myself decided to stop drinking at the same time. It was the 1st of January, directly after New Year's, because we had a really difficult New Year's because of alcohol and we made a decision Do we want to stay together and quit alcohol and make a go of this without alcohol, because alcohol is a common denominator, or do we want to go our separate ways? And we chose to give up alcohol and to see whether we could make it work. So that's where the journey began. And now, four years and was it six months? Four years, six months, 18 days later, I can categorically tell you it was the best decision that I've ever made in my entire life.
Speaker 1:If I hadn't stopped drinking, I would not have this business today. I would not be sat here being able to talk to you directly to camera without yes, I've got a small little script here but without having to like, thoroughly prepare and read off a script. I wouldn't be able to do that. I wouldn't be able to do half of the things I do today, because I would have been consistently covering a part of myself up, I would have been consistently numbing something underneath the surface, I would have consistently been wearing a mask, which is a really hard way to live your life. So I'm going to talk to you guys about some of the things that I noticed when I did give up alcohol and some of the things that have shifted since I've given up alcohol.
Speaker 1:Now, the thing that really triggered me to start thinking about this was I had my second trip back home in the past two years. The first time that I went back was after COVID. It was after a long stretch of not seeing my family and it was the first time I was seeing my family and my friends without alcohol. Now, this time that I went back was actually pretty difficult, because a lot of my friends and family hadn't really known me without alcohol, so there was a lot of my friends and family hadn't really known me without alcohol, so there was a lot of shifting and changing that needed to happen in our relationships to find a new normal.
Speaker 1:A lot of people, without any fault of their own, saw my not drinking as a reflection of their drinking, which is never what I want and is something that we've come to terms with now, but was a really difficult place for both of us to be in, because not only was I still battling with some of the sobriety things that can come up, some of the triggers that can come up, but we were also navigating different relationships. So the second time that I went back, which was just now, was so healing because finally I'm in a place where not drinking doesn't trigger me at all, it doesn't bring up anything for me, and I'm finally just in a place where I just can't even imagine going back now. Not only that, but my friends and family are fully on board. They can see that I can be more of myself than I've ever been before, more of myself than I even was when I used to drink, purely because I've given up alcohol. Everyone can see that this is the best move for me now.
Speaker 1:So we're all on the same page, and it was just an amazing experience to do some of the things that, honestly, I never thought I'd be able to do, like go to a festival, go for parties and stay out until like the wee hours of the morning, without anxiety, without feeling like I was judging myself, without feeling like I was being a bore. I could just be myself and be normal, and everyone honestly thought I was drunk because I was so, on the same level as everyone else, without any anxiety, without any fear. Now, that has come from a lot of inner work and a lot of difficulty and a lot of struggle, but, my God, it feels good to be here, and so, if you have ever been sober, curious, or you are currently heavily drinking and wanting to stop, I want this episode to really be a testament of what you can do if you give yourself the space to do it. Is the journey easy? No, is it possible? Yes, so let's get into 10 of the things that I noticed when I stopped drinking alcohol.
Speaker 1:So One of the first things is that initially some of your friends and family aren't going to get it, and it's not their fault. You know, like our society is fully set up for alcohol Like if you go into most restaurants or bars or pubs, it is seen as more weird not to drink than it is to drink. And it is only really been in the last couple of years that there have been more non-alcoholic alternatives. Non-alcoholic wines there's Plus Minus is a really great brand that is brilliant for both red and white Love that one. And non-alcoholic beers Heineken Zero what's the other one? It's a non-alcoholic beer that I really like. I can't remember what it is, it'll come to me but there are some really really good non-alcoholic options now that there wasn't.
Speaker 1:When I first started this, actually, especially in the UK, there was actually more alternatives in Australia than there was in the UK. But it is very, very normal for family and friends to not get it and to give you kind of questions around why you would and to apply peer pressure, because it's just so normal and entrenched in society. And so first of all, you kind of have to know that you may well get pushback, whether it's from a partner. You know I was very fortunate that my partner quit with me. But if your partner doesn't do that, it can be a little bit harder From friends and family. That's going to be normal. You want to prepare yourself to that and you kind of want to almost prepare yourself like certain answers that you can give people. So typically now I don't even talk about the fact that I don't drink alcohol, and this is something that you also notice over a period of time.
Speaker 1:So I guess this is number two is when you first start drinking, it feels like a really big deal, and so my partner had, like especially quite a hard time going into establishments that we used to drink at and asking for a non-alcoholic drink without needing to explain himself. And I've experienced that too, where I felt like I was really on show and that everyone was going to be watching me. But I think nowadays, with so many non-alcoholic alternatives, in all honesty no one has any idea that I'm not drinking. So, like when I went out, when I went back home recently, I don't think many people knew that I wasn't drinking because I had non-alcoholic beers. You know, I was just. My drinks looked the same as everyone else's and I just didn't mention anything, and so no one really had any questions. So I think it can be a little bit more obvious if you're just drinking a coke.
Speaker 1:But this is where, like, if you are in that situation, just having some like responses can be really good. Like I'm just on some medication or I have a really big day tomorrow so I can't do it. You know just something that you feel good about giving an answer for. That will just make people back off a little bit. That made me feel good, because often it's the peer pressure that really makes you cave. So just having some pre-formed answers around what you're going to say if people ask you about why you're not drinking is really helpful, because it does come up. The next thing to know is you not drinking? Is going to aggravate some people, whether it's in bars, cafes or whether it's with friends, families or colleagues.
Speaker 1:Some people may say some snarky things, like I've had some pretty snarky comments over the years whether it's just like oh god, why would you want to stop drinking? Or oh my god, that sounds terribly boring. Like I've had both of these and I will say, in the height of my alcoholism I have also said some of these. Now I will tell you why people say this, and why I said this is because when someone is not drinking, it is a reflection on our own drinking. So when I was an alcoholic, when I saw someone not drinking, I felt like it made me look like I was drinking a lot and it made me self-conscious. So I wanted to almost like put them down a little bit, to like pull the wind from them and just be like oh God, that sounds so boring Like cast my judgment over their decision and kind of make them feel bad, and that's often unconsciously what other people are doing. And so if that comment does happen oh my God, so boring. Oh, I would never be able to do that. Just know that that is so much more about them than it is about you. So, just, you kind of got to have this level of like unfuck with a bull when you're in that place.
Speaker 1:And what really triggers when you're giving up alcohol is the people pleaser, is the fawn response of wanting to fit in or wanting to be like everyone else. And so when someone says, oh, I could never do that, you know, the desire is to want to say, well, me too, me neither, I can never do that either, but when you are doing something that you're doing as a life decision. You have to be okay with just being like that's great for you, awesome, and not feeling like you need to go into a combative, tit for tat kind of argument because it never goes anywhere, it's not a nice experience and there's just no reason for it. You just need to be okay with this person's got their point of view, but it doesn't mean that you have to change yours. And knowing that those snarky comments may happen, but it's not about you, it's about them.
Speaker 1:The third thing is it is going to change some of your relationships and I think this was one of the things that I found quite difficult was I really realised how many alcohol-fuelled friendships and relationships that I had created and, like I love all of the people that I've had like relationships with with, whether they were drinking relationships or not, everyone has been really supportive. However, it becomes abundantly clear when you aren't drinking who you actually get on with, because alcohol creates this like facade of I can get on with everyone, but what I really realised when I stopped drinking alcohol is actually I'm very affected by other people's energy and I don't get on with everyone Like I have ADHD. I have, you know a lot of. I just get on with other people that are quite like me where we can go into different types of conversations, and I very much realised that actually a lot of the people that I had created quite close friendships with when I was drinking really didn't have that much in common apart from drinking. So when I stopped drinking it was kind of like well, what do we talk about now? Like neither of us were interested in the same things, we didn't have the shared interest of alcohol and so naturally those friendships kind of faded away.
Speaker 1:It also meant that some of my closest relationships at home, including with family, needed to change too. So previously dynamics where I had, you know, kind of gone into a little girl around certain people and other people had kind of taken care of me whilst I was, you know, drinking a lot of alcohol, those relationship dynamics needed to change and suddenly I became more of an adult, even in those situations which became a little bit confronting, like I had to have like some difficult conversations with people and talk about okay, maybe it's best that we don't see each other when you're drinking right now and instead we go for breakfasts, we go for lunches. We can still maintain this relationship, but just in a different way, until it feels normal for us. And that can be a difficult one, and that's not to say that some people, some people may just decide I don't want to have this relationship with you because it's too different, you know, and you've got to be okay with that, and so this isn't a bad thing. It's just the awareness that it might happen.
Speaker 1:So number six is there are going to be moments of cravings, and whether it doesn't really matter how addicted you are in fairness, like whether you are full addicted, in which case you're going to have much more cravings, it's going to be much harder. Or if you're not that addicted but you are used to doing it in certain establishments, like my opinion is there are. Everyone has a certain level of addiction in some aspect. If you have an association with alcohol and a specific environment, that's an addiction you have an addiction to when you go into this establishment. This is what you're meant to do, and although that doesn't necessarily mean it has to be destructive or like completely control your life, it does mean that if you stop doing that, the natural thing that happens with addictions is you get a craving, so it may mean that you go into that establishment and then suddenly you're like, wow, I'm getting a really strong craving for alcohol. I really want to do it. And that's when then peer pressure comes in. And so if people you're surrounded by, people that aren't supportive if you don't know that those cravings are going to hit and what you can do to curb them, this is where just saying I'll go on there, I'll just have one, that's where you kind of start to give in.
Speaker 1:So just knowing that you are going to get cravings and having ways to kind of manage those cravings can be really helpful. So for myself, I knew that eventually the craving would pass. And so if I just even went for a loop, even if I just went to the toilet, even if I just went for a loop around the book, typically I'd come back and the craving would have gone. And so time is like such a big factor when it comes to cravings. So you kind of want to really prime yourself of, like, if you're getting a craving, you want to start to figure out, like, what are the things that's actually going to release that? Like how, if you just observe the craving, observe the feeling of oh, I want this so much and just watch it. How long does it actually stay there for? Like time it Like give yourself almost like a game and like time. How long does it take for this feeling to go? Okay, let's go on a walk and see how that shifts it. And just having little ways that you know you can kind of curb those cravings can be really helpful. Other things is knowing that you potentially want to replace the craving with something else.
Speaker 1:So because I did get quite strong cravings, I replaced cravings with going to the gym. So I became very, very addicted to going to the gym. So whenever I got a craving for alcohol, I would then instead redirect it and go to the gym. Now that sometimes became a little bit unhealthy for me. My partner went and replaced it with sugar and so he became really, really addicted to like sweet things and sugar. He did end up putting on a little bit of weight I think we both did actually but again, it's like you may realise that you actually substitute one craving with another craving, so one addiction with another addiction, one of my addictions cause I do have a little bit of an addiction. Personality can be my work sometimes now, but I would say that that's a pretty positive outcome for my addictions and my cravings that I have instead of anything else, and after four and a half years I can categorically say that I actually do not have cravings for alcohol, apart from in very specific situations, that I can manage them. I now know that they'll go very quickly and that I just need to go for for a walk or I just need to even tell someone I'm experiencing a craving and not just navigate it in my own mind. That can be really, really helpful.
Speaker 1:Number seven is you've got to remember that time is going to be your biggest healer here, and it may feel really, really tough for the first month, for the first six months, for the first year. The first three years are always the hardest. The first year is going to be the hardest. The first two years a little bit easier. First three years a little bit easier. Now I barely think I've almost forgotten that people drink alcohol Like I literally don't even think about it. I'm like, oh, people do that. Like I literally forget about it. So when I encounter like someone that's really, really drunk, I'm like, oh, people do that. Like I literally forget about it. So when I encounter like someone that's really, really drunk, I'm like, oh my God, people still do this. You know, and it's a really interesting thing how the less that you engage with something, the more you realize that you don't need it, and time is the biggest thing that will give you the proof of that.
Speaker 1:Now, one of the things that I found really helpful for quitting alcohol was actually not time boxing myself. So instead of saying I'm quitting alcohol which is a very definitive thing and I actually found very contractive to start with I actually said I'm going to go on a break from alcohol for the next month and see how it goes, and by kind of then just stretching it every single time, so I'd get to a month and I'd be like, okay, I'll do another two weeks. Okay, I'll do another two weeks, two weeks, oh, okay, maybe I'll try another month. It kind of made me feel like I was never fully boxed in to having to stop and that I had always the option to stop and go back to it if I wanted to. And that was actually really helpful for not feeling like I was kind of boxed in or that I had something to rebel against. It was like it was my decision and I was just seeing how it was going. It kind of took the pressure away, which I found really helpful as well, and my partner did too.
Speaker 1:So that can be instead of just saying I'm stopping drinking forever, just be like I'm going to try a month and then I'm going to try another month, and then I'll try another month, let's see how it goes, and without putting any of the pressure of this is it because that can be a very daunting thing. But over time you then start to become addicted to like, oh I could do another month, another month, you know, like I probably will never say categorically I'll never drink again, just because I don't want that pressure. I may decide in the future that I want to drink again and that will be the decision for the right moment in time then, but it just means that I never feel completely boxed in to never, ever, which I think can be a really detrimental thing that people experience when they're trying to quit alcohol. Another thing is that you got to know that when you do drink alcohol especially if you are drinking alcohol to numb or to give you confidence or to lower your anxiety this is a big one You've got to know that your anxiety is probably going to get worse before it gets better. But this is a good thing, because what it is going to show you is where you need to heal.
Speaker 1:When I was drinking alcohol, I had no idea who I was, no idea who I was. I was riddled with anxiety, but I always had this little blanket that I could kind of just throw over myself and pretend that it didn't exist. I had no opportunity to actually look at the root causes of my anxiety. So when I came off alcohol, there was a period where I did try antidepressants. I didn't do those for a long period of time because I wanted to really regulate it myself. But this is really where my journey with coaching and therapy really came in to the full expression.
Speaker 1:I guess I really went down that route hard and was looking at, like, what makes me anxious, like what are my triggers, because usually we just, oh, I'm anxious. We identify with it without knowing what makes us anxious. And so when you become sober, you're going to start to experience that anxiety and realize, oh, I don't have anything to numb anymore. Why am I anxious? Now there's obviously things that you can do to manage the anxiety, like exercise, meditate and stuff like that, which I highly, highly recommend that you do something like brain training so you can learn to actually release thoughts. That was one of the most transformational things that I did, very different to meditation. I can do another episode on just that to talk about that in a different stage.
Speaker 1:But it's really important that you are learning to quiet the anxiety and then healing the root causes. So I realised I had a lot of triggers around being alone. I had a lot of triggers around men. I had a lot of triggers around people pleasing and wanting to be liked, around feeling like I was stupid, around feeling like I wasn't good enough, and it was all of these things that I started realising that then I could heal the root causes of them. So that now I'm going to be so real as someone who was severely socially anxious, consistently every single day panic attacks every single day in the toilets at my work I now do not experience anxiety, unless if it's like I'm anxious before going on a flight. You know which is like. Again, that's a root trigger right which eventually I will, I'm sure, move through.
Speaker 1:I don't feel anxiety on a day-to-day basis. I don't have overwhelming thoughts crowding my mind all the time and I have ADHD too, you know so like. This is what this work does, and I wouldn't have been able to get to this place of complete clarity without any substance, without doing the deep work which I could have only done when I stopped drinking. So know that it's going to be a process, but like, allow yourself to go through it and don't see anxiety as a bad thing. See it as a guide. If you are feeling anxious, if you are triggered by something, it is a guide for where you want to heal. Now I have a whole program just on inner healing work. It's through the guise of manifestation that I talk about it, but essentially it's all an inner healing program to like release anxiety, to become a more less reactive, more neutral version of yourself. It's called Feminine Authority Manifestation School. I will link all of the information in the description below so you can go and check it out if you want. But that is everything that I have done to, in literally four years, remove all of my anxiety and I'm really not joking there. Number nine is kind of following on from that. You are going to get to know yourself 10 times more and find out what you are really like behind the mask.
Speaker 1:Alcohol is something. It gives us dutch courage. It creates a persona that can feel really good, and I had a lot of comments when I stopped drinking initially of oh my god, you're so boring. And I probably did become more boring for a period of time because I had so much more anxiety, like I was in a social situation and I'd just be silent because I was terrified to use my voice. I thought I was stupid. All the time I berate myself, I had all the social anxiety. I haven't healed my triggers yet, but over time, over these four and a half years, because I've healed all that, I finally know who I am. I finally know what my favourite colour is Orange and purple, for anyone asking. I finally know what my political views are. I finally which I'm not going to go into I finally know what I'm interested in, what really gets me going, what I'm passionate about, stuff that I could never have known if I didn't stop drinking alcohol, because alcohol can make you conform.
Speaker 1:Alcohol can exacerbate certain things. I mean this was my experience. For other people that may do something different, but for me it really made me feel like I was just wearing this mask, and so when the mask came off, when I didn't have that numbing. Who was I? I had no idea. I didn't know who I was. Without the alcohol and through this process of getting to know yourself, of healing your triggers, you will get to know yourself on a whole new level. And it is fucking amazing and because of that it has allowed me to set up this very authentic business to be able to talk to you into the camera, like I'm doing today, and experience the most happiness and peace that I've experienced in my whole life.
Speaker 1:And the last one that I'm going to talk about today is the realisation that you suddenly are going to have so much time when you quit drinking alcohol. When I was drinking I used to, literally from about 3pm, be thinking about my next drink. I'd stretch it and maybe have my first drink around like 4 or 5pm and then the rest of your day is drinking, is having conversations while you're drinking, is enjoying the feeling of being drunk and getting drunk. You spend so much time drunk, you spend so much time drinking. You spend so much time not doing anything and like. That can be really beautiful if you're, you know, going out and seeing friends, whatever, but for me and my partner it got to the stage where every single night it was just me and him and we'd be having two bottles of wine and throwing up in the toilet just on a weekday. Like that's not, that's not a productive use of time. Like what were we doing? You know, it was just a habit that we were engaged in. So when we gave up drinking and we were used to every single day being that and I mean every single day we were suddenly like what do we do with our time?
Speaker 1:And for me, what I did was I set up this business. I had so much more time to learn, I had so much more time to heal, I had so much more time to just read and do things, and so I have become such an educated source of knowledge now that I would never have done if I had invested, been investing the same amount of time into drinking as I have done into learning and getting to know myself and building something. It has allowed me to build this business into something that I honestly never thought was possible, and that's literally because I have so much time. You know I have so much time. You know I have time on the weekends. I have time in the evenings. I'm not hung over all the time hangover.
Speaker 1:I could never work on a hangover, maybe a little bit when I was like 18, but, like my god, I went past 25 and I was just like not a chance in hell. Not a chance in hell. I'm doing any work while I'm hungover, and so I was just the worst with this stuff. Like I couldn, I couldn't do it, and it meant that I just wasted so much time just like binge watching shows, like I wasn't doing anything constructive or productive with my life, and it led me to be really, really unhappy and unfulfilled. And so I'm more fulfilled now that I don't drink alcohol, because I've spent the time that I would have been drinking actually doing things that fill me up, actually becoming the person that I wanted to become my whole life.
Speaker 1:So those are some of the things that you may notice when you quit alcohol, and you also just want to know that this is going to be a journey, and these are a lot of things that you probably aren't going to expect along the way, and that's so normal. It is going to show you sides of yourself that you didn't know were there. It's going to show you sides of other people that you didn't know were there, but it doesn't mean that it's necessarily the wrong thing. And if you do have triggers, even around me talking about this, and you feel like you know I'm negatively saying, oh you know because you do drink that there's something wrong with you, that's a trigger in you, look at that, you know, because it's interesting. It's nothing wrong with it, but it's just interesting.
Speaker 1:If this conversation is even bringing something up in you, there's something there for you to look at around your relationship with alcohol. Why is it making you feel like that? Because I'm categorically not saying not drinking is the only way or the hard way. I'm just saying from my personal perspective. This is what it feels like. But I also invite you to look at why you've listened to this whole thing as well. At the same time, there's something in here that has interested you and there isn't a right or a wrong.
Speaker 1:But if you do have this inkling or this urge of maybe I do want to quit drinking, maybe my life could look better, maybe there's a path for you there. It doesn't have to be black and white. I don't believe in absolutes, but it could be worth exploring Now if you do want a program to help you with this variety, to help you to do the inner work and to heal the anxiety that comes up as you go through. That's what Feminine Authority Manifestation School is all about. It is about creating more neutrality in your system. It is about becoming a more regulated, trigger-free human so that then you can manifest more things into your life, because when you are clearer of debris in your system, for example, triggers, things that make you angry, things that make you upset you are a clearer vessel for the divine to flow through and then more able to manifest things faster.
Speaker 1:It's the reason that I've manifested the exact house on my vision board. It's the reason that I have manifested a million dollar business. It is the reason that I have manifested the most soul aligned friendships that I honestly didn't know I would be able to attract in People that are interested in the same things of me, that have ADHD, that just vibe on the same level, that have businesses that are mission driven. Like it is just insane the things I've attracted in since quitting alcohol and this is something that, if you want, is available for you too.
Speaker 1:Whatever your decision is whether this was just interesting, whether you decide actually, I love alcohol and I want to continue. You know, moderating myself Amazing. I am all for it, and I hope that this just gives you a little bit of an insight into the journey of some people that have decided to quit alcohol, because it affects all of us. It affects all of us and I think we're moving into a society now that is less inclined to binge drink as potentially we once was. So I hope you enjoyed this episode and I will see you in the next one. Bye guys.