Called By God Podcast
Called by GOD with Nicson Silvanie & Adnie Gaudin is a podcast that will inspire, encourage, educate, and help people from all walks of life. Each episode will consist of a Christian sharing the inspiring testimony of their obedience to God's call. What ensues is an authentic and transparent spiritual conversation with laughter, tears, and more.
Called By God Podcast
232. Dating and Courtship, Part 1
This episode explores the challenges faced by Christian singles in navigating the modern dating landscape, emphasizing faith, self-worth, and relationship dynamics. Through an engaging dialogue, Brother Nick and Sister Taleria share personal experiences and biblical insights, advocating for a thoughtful approach to dating and relationships that honors God.
• Discussing the feeling of loneliness among singles
• Exploring the fear of rejection in modern dating
• Evaluating the gender disparity in the dating world
• Understanding the importance of valuing self-worth
• Challenging contemporary dating vs. biblical courtship
• Discussing the emotional and spiritual impacts of fornication
• Advocating for strong relational foundations rooted in faith
• Highlighting the importance of Godly principles in relationships
• Promoting dialogue within the Christian community on dating
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Welcome to the Call by God podcast. I'm your truly brother, nick, and I'm here with my sister Taleria, sister, sister Taleria. You know I'm her big brother and she's been getting on me. Yeah, she's been saying I've been pronouncing her name wrong.
Speaker 2:Yes, you and your wife say Taler, taler.
Speaker 1:I've been saying Taleria, taleria, bestie Curry. Yes, and it's Taleria Betsy. Our whole name is messed up.
Speaker 2:And did you say, brother Nick?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I said I'm your truly brother.
Speaker 1:Nick Sister Curry Sister.
Speaker 2:Curry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so this is another take, so we're doing another episode. I guess I was led to do an episode about dating and relationships mainly because you've been asking me a lot about dating lately Not saying that you want to date, but I guess you wanted my wisdom as it relates to dating and I was like you know what?
Speaker 1:If she's asking these questions, I'm sure there are a lot of people out there asking questions about dating right, because I was once single before and now as a married man, as a married man. So I guess you're going to have to light me up with questions, because I wasn't, like I said, I wasn't always married. I was once a young single individual like yourself.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And God blessed me to have a wife, Right? So what do you think that singles go through like as Christians? Should we be dating? Not me per se, but should you Like? What do you go through as a single christian woman?
Speaker 1:and then, when you look in the outside world, the dating world, the secular world, even they do it in the church too, that you see them dating, like what are some of the things you feel you go through? Do you go on out there seeking a man or like? I want you to explain it to me from a single perspective and I'll tell you what, what, what I went through when I was single.
Speaker 2:As a single woman, definitely seeking God and his guidance and finding a godly man, and sometimes it takes. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith, maybe just having a conversation or a Bible study and just stepping out of your comfort zone. A wise man once told me about a year ago. He said nowadays, in our generation, men are shying away from being rejected, um, shying away from being rejected. So a lot like now, a lot more women have to uh, put you know, step forward, um and take that leap of faith and, you know, start a conversation, because men are shying away from you know, being rejected I think most men are shy though and that's you.
Speaker 1:You think you think it's because they got tired of like most men, being rejected because they're like approach a woman, a potential wife, and then she just rejected she could be single. Now, right, she could be single. She was like no, I got a man like Right, and the dude like walk away with his head down like yeah, man, yeah. So that's why you think men are not like approaching women like that.
Speaker 2:I believe so. That's, that's what I get a lot from um. Statistically, there's a very high percentage of men who are shying away from um, you know, speaking to their sisters um because, um, because of the rejection, and there they're a high percentage of women that are taken um. There's yeah well, well, they can.
Speaker 1:The world considers them taken, but they're not actually taken because you know the ratio is probably like one to ten right so I I believe a lot of women are sharing.
Speaker 1:If they don't have godly principles, right? Oh yeah, I believe that they. I believe that they don't have the fear of God in them. I believe a lot of, especially if they don't, if they don't value themselves, right? I believe a lot of women out there are sharing men. Yeah, because, because of the ratio, you know, most men are either dead or in jail or they're same sex yeah, and that's why women have to choose.
Speaker 2:Uh, godly men, kingdom men, yeah, and men have to choose kingdom women yeah, I agree with that so when the number one thing I don't.
Speaker 2:I can't speak for anybody else I would say loneliness and I'm just being transparent, um, and loneliness doesn't come all the time, because we have the Lord, we have things we're doing for the Lord and what comes with that is also doing things for ourselves, because it pleases the Lord for us to love ourselves and love our neighbors as ourselves. So just having balance, like time management, yeah, of having time for it all. But sometimes that wave comes and it's like well, lord, you know.
Speaker 1:No, I agree.
Speaker 2:Is it my time you know? No, I agree. Is it my time, you know? Are you pushing me towards this time in my life that I need to step out of on my comfort zone and mingle a little bit more?
Speaker 1:yeah, like kristen mingle.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, mingle meaning like converse, because then you you'd be so caught up in life. You'd be so caught up in career or finding, finding a career, getting into your career, helping out your community, help. You know doing the Lord's work, and you just totally forget about building, you know, the life that God has created you for in the first place.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was different for me, uh, when I was single, I know. First of all, I would say this this is just what we believe as it relates to dating and courting. So you know, courting is like having relations with somebody or wanting to get to know them. So out there's just a big brother and his little sister just having a conversation, right, um, and she's my blood sister. She's not, she's my blood sister. Our mother had eight children. She had two girls and, yeah, and eight? What? Eight boys? No, six boys and two girls. Yeah, so it's just two relatives just having a conversation.
Speaker 1:One is married yeah, and one is single, but I wasn't always uh, wasn't always married. Like I said before, I would say this the Bible, the Bible, is clear. The Bible doesn't mention anything about dating in the Bible. Dating or courting, those are like a Western, modern name that we all came came with. That's not something that I would say a biblical Right. And one may argue and say, like, if you don't date anybody or you don't have some kind of court, courtship with somebody, how, how do you know that that person is your spouse? How, how do you know that that person is your spouse? That's the challenge that I believe that a lot of God fearing men and women deal with. So I think that's why sometimes, when you, when you hear stories of women dating men or men dating women in the church and then it don't work out, that's they trying to figure out each other. That's why, me personally, I don't believe in dating.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Me like if I were, if I was single? If I was single, I don't believe that I would date a woman or court a woman.
Speaker 2:Well, you didn't date a woman.
Speaker 1:No, I didn't, Even before marriage yeah.
Speaker 2:Even your wife now. You didn't date.
Speaker 1:No, so yeah. So let me say this Let me.
Speaker 2:So yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So you wanted to hear my wisdom. So, number one it's harder for a woman because women age and then they think about know having a family at a young age ain't no woman wanna, ain't nobody sarah, like abraham sarah was like up there in age and had her, her son yeah, she was up there in age, like 90 and up there in age.
Speaker 1:So women ain't trying to have no kids at no late 30s or 40 years old or even 50, janet jackson. They try to be up there in age. Most women want to get into their career. Um, they want to find a what they deem to be a good man, because I don't believe that there's a good man. There's only one but good, and that's only the Lord. There's no good man because I believe all men are fallible, just as women. So there's no good man. So women have their preferences and I believe that women, they'll go to school, they're getting a career and they'll say you know, honey, I want to have some kids, but it's very few people getting married though. That's the thing.
Speaker 1:So, it's like, it's a setup. So I'm going to tell you the setup. So this, like you know, your brother gotta put you up on game. This is the setup. The setup becomes the devil, makes it appear to a man or a woman as though they're missing out, when you're not dating like everybody else is doing it right, and you'll have your, your girlfriend, say girl, I just met this man, oh, he is, oh, and she's she's boasting about him, right, she's boasting. And just like dudes too, yeah, dudes do like man. I met this dime piece, I met this 10. She's a 10 to 10 out of 10, right, and then dudes be talking to their homeboys about the girl and then, when things don't work out, they find themselves talking to another girl and it's like that whole cycle. But then when he found a dude I'm telling you from a male perspective when a dude find that one, he'll have a one main chick and he have I call, I said chick. The dude will have one main girl, right, and you have others on the side.
Speaker 1:That's the secular mindset, right? So when I was in the world, as you know, I dated, you know a lot of women and then I've gotten to know these women, but I dated them had one main chick and the others was like you know a woman, you go to the museum with a woman, go to the beach with a woman, you go to the movies with a woman. That would just hear you vent. You know everybody, the dude's got a woman for everything. That's why there's like this huge movement of men that are that are polygamous. These men believe in having multiple women. But I don't believe in that. I believe that there's supposed to be one man to one woman. That's it. That's God's God's way of doing things, right? Yeah, so for me. So I know I'm just going on a rant, but I just kind of like want to put you up on game. So we're talking about.
Speaker 1:So when I was unsaved Okay, but it's not the best. The people that's unsaved is because I didn't know any better. But when I got in the church so that's why we're going to talk about the church, because we would hope that the people in the church would know better and I could share with you my experience when I got in the church. So, before I got into the church, like I said, I dated and, like I said, it was like a setup. It was the most perfect setup, the devil, like well, there was no God anywhere. There was no god in the picture. The girl that I dated at the time was like well, you're out of school, why don't you move out your parents house and move in there with me? Yeah, but in my mind I was. I was thinking I'm like man, she and my wife, right, I don't know, I don't know for what. That was strange, because that's not normal, that's not typical for a guy to even say that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I told the woman, I said like you're not my wife, like I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna move in with you right maybe it's just the thought of just me moving in with her because I thought I was gonna be locked up, but, like I mean, like Shaq was like she won't allow me to go anywhere. But the reality is that I didn't. I didn't move in with her, right, I didn't move in with her, but of course she cheated on me. That didn't work out. She cheated on me, but what I mean is like a setup that if I would have lived with her, um, chances are we would have been fornicating. I'm, I'm painting this setup right now. Right, how, a lot of people getting a lot of like these traps.
Speaker 2:Yeah Go, was fornication.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's all lust. So when, when you don't like, when you don't have a relationship with Christ, especially I'm saying it from a man when a man don't have a relationship with Christ, it's lust, it's lust Right.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:It's like a man. A man see a woman beauty, and he desires her. Once he get what he want peace, he going to the next one. And then, once he get what he want peace, I'm out. And then the girl be emotionally attached, the woman be emotionally attached and she be like I thought you loved me. I thought you loved me. You're like come on, man, you know, he ain't like that little mama, he ain't like that.
Speaker 1:That's exactly how it goes. Yeah, he ain't like that. You know how them dudes when you carnally and you don't have a fear of god, you're like come on, man like yeah there there's. There's no one to hold that man accountable.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I believe. Wait before I know you're telling a story. Yeah, I just wanted to say real quick that's why us, as women, we should also value ourselves. I agree and teach the younger woman that's younger than us in like middle school, high school, college, to like also value themselves and not like give themselves to or be susceptible to someone who is older than them yeah trying to take advantage of them, um, because that person may be in a less lustful mindset and the woman is like, oh well, I'll do it because I want to please him, you know.
Speaker 2:So it's like, um, to put themselves in a in a position to say, well, no, he's not my husband and, um, I don't want to disobey god. I don't want to. You know, uh, sin against my body. You know all of this soul ties.
Speaker 1:Yeah, soul ties, but that's from a spiritual perspective though.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So the issue becomes like, like I said, when you're carnally and you know a lot of people are taking the word of God out of their homes, so it's like they're not number one. A lot of people not valuing marriage Like man, like that's my, they're not even number one, a lot of people not valuing marriage like man, like that's my they be like, oh, that's my girlfriend.
Speaker 1:Like, no, nobody want to get married anymore. Like that, right, the marriage numbers are not skyrocketing like that we could see the statistics. I don't even have to look at it, I could. I could say like people didn't get married like that. There was a time that people used to get married like every other month, like it was like constantly people getting married. I'm talking about early on, when I got in the church years, years ago. People was getting married like crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was the thing, and even the generation before us. Like our parents or grandparents, they were married young, yeah, like 16, 17.
Speaker 1:So what happens when you take the Lord out of your home. You take the Lord out of the community. You take the Lord out of your home, you take the lord out of the community, you take the lord out of everything that you big and bad enough to do. Yeah, well, what men do?
Speaker 1:man, woman, they just utilize their own wisdom yeah they, they don't know it's really they, they really doing the things of the enemy, because the enemy, oh the enemy, he loved when people fornicate. The devil loves when people fornicate, but god is loves when people fornicate, but God is like saying no, that's supposed to be like. He'll tell the woman that's for your husband. He'll tell the husband that's for your wife. No, no, because people don't, like you said so tired. So when people they fornicate, they become one with that person. We call we call that those spiritual disease and that's why the woman is crying like yeah, why did he leave?
Speaker 2:yeah. And then the man is like I'm on to the next one and it's like yeah so that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:so it says so, let me. Let me go back to my story. So when, when, um, the woman wanted me to move in, where I think it was going to be like a trap, first of all, if I would have moved in with her, I would have got her pregnant Keep in mind, we're not married, right. So, um, she went ahead and had like three other kids after that Wow, like different dudes, obviously. But, um, if I would have moved in with her, um, chances are I would have been a baby daddy, right.
Speaker 1:So your brother sitting here today would have said, yeah, yeah, that's, that was my baby mama, you know what I mean? Like you got nieces and nephews from my baby mama, right? And that's that's when a guy does not have, um, the fear of god, or he don't abide by the standards of god, right? So that's why I say it was kind of like a setup, like if I would have like say, you know what, let me just move in with her and call ourselves family, like. That's why I don't understand women. Women should feel valued, like you said. A woman should feel they should look at themselves and knowing that they are fitfully and wonderfully made and feel valuable or or otherwise.
Speaker 1:They would settle the dude and then they'll. They'll be waiting for the dude to put a ring on it, but the dude wouldn't put a ring on it but you know, it starts in a home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, some women were not raised with their fathers when their fathers were not um present in the home yeah, so they kind of lack that relationship of knowing how a man should treat a woman.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, that's facts. That is facts. But this is why God's way work, because this is the thing. Even though, like individuals like myself and even you, you know we was raised without that father figure. Once we start to understand God's standards'll be like man. Let me put myself in alignment, because god word works like god wants and we're going to talk about that like god's way of relationship. God's way of because we talk about. The bible does mention about dating court, but we talk about relationship and marriage. Right, so most men, if they moving with a woman, they're not going to marry her wow men don't like to commit.
Speaker 1:Men have a hard time coming to god. What you think, go ahead. Do you think?
Speaker 2:it just lowers the percent that he will marry her oh let me lowers the percent.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes, it's not a hundred percent of the men, but it's, I'm sure it's a high percentage. And I'm telling you how your brother thought. And you got other brothers too. You got five other brothers, including me, and let's not talk about our brothers, but we're going to talk about just me. So I'm just talking about like for me, if I would have moved in with this woman, I would marry her. Wow, I would have moved in with this woman, I would have. I would marry her. Because, number one, women don't understand when they give it up. They give away something precious. When a man already get what he already wanted, then that's it. Like he already tried you already, he already got what he wants. So it's like he be going to his friends like I already got that already. Right, I'm good, yeah, I'm good, yeah, like that's.
Speaker 2:That's the carnal mind right, and then I already got that already Right, I'm good. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah, like that's, that's the carnal mind, right, but when a woman doesn't he keep contending yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he keeps coming, yeah, I think a man.
Speaker 1:I think a man likes to a degree if a woman plays hard to get.
Speaker 2:But then that individual won't be, they're not willing to marry. But they continuously go to that individual that keeps telling them I'm waiting for marriage I want to get married.
Speaker 1:I respect let me tell you something the women. There were women that I've met when I was in school, middle school, high school, um, not college, college. I didn't taught anybody, I was just busy preaching to them. But uh, when I was um in school, there were women that told me no, straight up, no, and I know you talked about like in in modern time, dudes are afraid to approach women because we're living in two different times now, but back then that women that valued themselves like these were like good girls like you. Try to talk to them, they'll shoot you down. Nope, wow, and to me I'm saying me, I'm not saying every man to me. It made me even want to pursue her even more. Wow, because in my mind I'm like man like she, playing hard to get like I know that I could get her.
Speaker 1:It's the easy girls that that mess it up right for themselves right when they give it up like that, right, yeah, they just meet dude hanging out and that's the carnal mind, right, they give it and then the dudes don't want to have nothing to do with them because it made it so easy, right? Because if you, if you give it up to the man like that, like I mean, think about how much other person that she did with, and this is why we believe that God's way work, mm-hmm. So that's what I'm saying. Like if, if I would have moving with homegirl, chances I wouldn't been married to her, chances are we would have been fornicating and number. And the other thing that I want to add into that, that it would have been very difficult for me to come to the Lord, not saying that it would have been possible.
