129 - Why You Keep Picking Men With Potential (And How To Stop!)

Welcome back to another episode of the Blooming Podcast!

If you're a strong, successful, smart and independent woman and you find yourself always dating guys that only have potential.... you're dating guys that they're either have all their stuff together but they don't know how to love you or they know how to love you but they don't have their stuff together...or they have neither and you're just picking the guys that are just  completely unavailable in every way, this episode is for YOU.

I'm gonna explain to you why you're picking guys with potential and you're NOT
choosing the guys that you really consciously super, super, very intentionally want, the guys that deliver on all their promises. You know these guys, healthy, secure, masculine. They can protect. They provide. They're loving, and they're loyal. I'm gonna explain exactly why this is happening, keep on listening.

Watch the full video podcast episode on Youtube click HERE.

Listen to the episode for all the details.

QUICK HIGHLIGHTS FROM THIS EPISODE

• Why you choosing the men that can’t love you
• The 3 different types of men with “potential”
• Why you subconsciously attach to men with potential
• How you stop subconsciously attaching to men
• 2 ways to finally feel secure within yourself (a secure man or create it within yourself)

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Transcript

Speaker 1
Hey there, and welcome to this week's blooming podcast episode. I'm so glad you're
here. If you're a woman, a strong, successful, smart, independent woman, and you find
yourself always dating guys that have potential, you're dating guys that they're either
have all their stuff together, but they don't know how to love you, they know how to love
you, but they do not have their stuff together, or they have neither and you're just picking
the guys that are just, like, completely unavailable in every way, this episode is for you.
I'm gonna explain to you why you're choosing guys with potential and you're not
choosing the guys that you really consciously super, super, very intentionally want, the
guys that deliver on all their promises. You know these guys, healthy, secure, masculine.
They can protect. They provide.
They're loving, and they're loyal. I'm gonna explain exactly why this is happening. Keep
on watching. Keep on listening. I help women be more in their feminine, because when
you're in a relationship, being in your feminine is the is the, the polarity that a
relationship needs. A healthy relationship has a woman in her feminine and a and is
masculine. It's beautiful polarity that lets a man lead and allows a woman to follow.
She's with the man he she respects. He's with the man he's with the woman she loves,
and there's this beautiful push pull tennis, you know, back and forth, beautiful, beautiful
balance of the masculine and the feminine. The man, can lead and she follows. And
there's this beautiful I know people don't like the word submission.
I don't care. I use it because it's biblical. But there is it's just about following. It's not
about dominance and power and losing control. That's not what that means. Okay? It's a
very, very beautiful, surrender because it's like, babe, take a wheel.
You've got this. Right? The part about that is that people don't talk about is and I guess
people are talking about it now, is that the ability for a woman to let go and allow a man
to lead and not her not control when what my clients are. If you're listening to this, you're
somebody who has a lot of control in your life. You are running things. You are, you have
a business. You have a career.
You have clients. You're managing, businesses. I have so many of my clients are CEOs
or top executives or c suites. They're administrators. MBAs, really educated women or
entrepreneurs like me. And you guys have teams and you guys have clients that you
lead in. So you guys are in children. Right? So you guys are really, used to being in
control.

The beauty about that is is that that works for you. The reason you're very successful is
because you learned to be very independent and get things done. There's there's a
market of women, you guys, just so you know. I don't most of my clients are the
successful women, So I don't have to say this, but, there are women who don't, aren't
successful. They're not they they don't go after what they want. They're very, very
passive and not in a healthy way. Okay? And, they don't their life doesn't look the way
they want.
They don't go after what they want. They don't speak up for what they want. They don't
know what they want. It's a very different type of woman. Those are what I call the
hiders. And and I and I work with women I that I call the hustlers. This is a more
shutdown person scared, and my client is more of an anxiety driven person, still scared,
low key doesn't really know it, but there's fear there. Yeah? And so my client, you're
you're listening. Yeah? You're used to getting things done.
Getting things done by your planning, your strategy, your your your, thinking, your
organizing, it's really good. Right? It got you through life. You had a childhood where life
wasn't very stable and secure, so you had to get do this really early on. And so it works.
And so it's become what psychologists and what I use with my clients, it's called a
schema. It's a mental model of the world.
If this happens, I I have to do this so that this happens. So our the the scared masculine
girl that I work with, your guys' story is, if I wanna get things done, I have to do it myself
so that I can be safe and I can get love. Yeah? And it's a very beautiful mental model.
The only thing is that, when you bring that into your relationships, they don't work.
Because in relationships, the beautiful polarity of the masculine and the feminine, it's
not this is a place where you actually go to receive. And a lot of women don't know that.
A lot of women think that, it's a place where you go to get to be happy, to get to to please
a man, to give a lot, and to and although that's what there is a portion of that of this
giving, but I I will explain what that means. It's it's a very different, mindset. It's, the
feminine serves and she serves with her presence. So it's just like her being. Her being
there is really, really transformational. Just her I hate the words. I don't like using airy
fairy words, but just her essence, just her energy, just her vibe is calming and supportive,
and it's really dope to a man.
And a lot of us want that, but we haven't been able to do that because we have too much
masculine energy. Yeah? And so the so relationships are a struggle because you're
typically trying to take charge in the relationship. And when we do that, your man doesn't
feel like he has a place, and he feels not he doesn't feel needed. He feels when a woman

gives too much in a relationship, when she's too in control, when she's too in her head
and she's in the planning masculine head and not in her body and her feelings, it's way
too it feels competitive to a man. And he sees he views you, not consciously,
subconsciously as a competitor versus a companion.
This is a problem. Why? Because you guys when you guys should be partners, you guys
are going to war subconsciously, your subconscious parts. Yeah? And so he doesn't feel
like he's in his place.
He doesn't feel needed. He wants to love you and serve you and give to you.
You say, I got it. I don't need it. That's that's not the that's not the dynamic of a healthy
relationship. Healthy, healthy, healthy, secure romantic relationships that thrive, that feel
really good, that feel really safe, that there's a lot of trust, a lot of fun, a lot of attraction,
a lot of connection, and that lasts because that's the let's be honest. That is the the how
you know if you have a healthy relationship. It lasts.
If you guys break up, it didn't work. Right? It didn't the relationship is not there anymore.
A good relationship lasts, and it's and it's deep. It's not surface. It's, like, it's wonderful.
Right? And the other word that I always use to to define a healthy relationship is it's
transformational instead of transactional.
So a transactional relationship is like business. Right? I go to work and you pay me a
paycheck. Right? You get work and profit, and I I get income and, security of a job every
2 weeks. Right? You get paid every 2 weeks.
And that's transactional relationships are horrible. They feel they feel you feel used. You
feel like a tool. You feel objectified. And women, that is the last thing you can feel in a
relationship. Objectification is is the complete opposite of care, of of being seen, of
being of being loved for who you are. You're just seen as something that gets used.
Think of, like, porn. Right? Or, like, met a lot of men in in other countries. This very,
dominant, misogynistic view is very, it's they objectify women. And they see you more as
just, like, a tool, like, for pleasure. And it's the sex and all that and all this other stuff that
that really, takes play in their mind. And this is 1 of the 3 types of men that I'm gonna
talk about.
So this dynamic that you really want, the beautiful flow of a of a of a masculine, man
that takes care of you and loves you and treats you like a queen, and you be able to love
and respect him and just, like, edify him and and encourage him. Right? It's this ability to,
be with each other and you being your feminine when you're with him and be in your and

your confident masculine when you're not. And this is the the dynamic that I've been
seeing with all my clients when you're not able to feel confident when you're single or
confident when you guys are apart, when you guys separate, when he's doing his thing
and you're doing yours. This is proof. I want you to see that this is proof of your inability
to have safety and security in your own in your own system, in your own person. Think
about it like you're you're scared. Yeah. You're like, oh my gosh.
I I like, is are things gonna fall apart because I don't know how to take care of myself?
It's a lack of self trust and self confidence. And, you need to be able to have that when
you're in a relationship, and you need to be able to have that when you're single. Why?
Because if you're not, if you don't have that full sense of security and love, when you are
fully single and you're walking around this world, I trust the world. The world is so safe.
People are so safe.
Relationships are so great, but I am so good by myself alone. If you do not feel that way,
you have what many people would call and I don't like diving too much into, attachment
styles, but you have more anxious attachment or disorganized attachment. This inability
to be, you you feel the story in your mind is I need a man. I need someone to be with. He
completes me. I the only way that I feel safe is if I'm with you, and the way that I get you
is by going after you and chasing you and and getting you. Then there's the opposite,
which is, like, the more avoidant, which is the way that I feel good in a relationship is if
you're I'm not with you because you're going to hurt me and relationships aren't safe.
Most of my clients that are strong, independent, successful, smart women, you guys are
really, really good in life, when you guys are in control. But the moment there's a need for,
when there's a man in the picture, we fall apart a little bit. Yeah? You don't recognize
yourself. And listen, I was like this my entire life. And now it's I've made it my mission to
help women be able to attract these masculine men. But the only way that you attract
these masculine men that are respectful, kind, loving protectors, providers.
Those are securely attached people. They're not anxious. They're not avoidant. They're
very, very secure in themselves. They have a full cup. Yeah? And you need to have a full
cup.
If you don't have a full cup, you you don't attract them. Why? Most securely attached
people are already in relationships. And when they're in relationships, because they're
really good at relationships, they stay in them, so we don't find them. So what it leaves
us with this world of a lot of anxious and avoidant dynamic relationships all over the
world, and relationships feel really crappy because it's just an automatic which we just

always, attract each other, the the anxious and the avoidant. Okay? Some form of
insecure attachment. Right? You're you guys are both really codependent.
You guys are both really anxious. That still isn't good. Or you're anxious and he's
avoidant and that's that isn't good either. Right? Then there's a completely emotionally
unavailable guy that's not doesn't wanna be there. He's, like, completely, like, doesn't
know how to be in a relationship at all. So all my all my clients are like, I don't know. I
want.
All I need is a man. Like, I have everything I want.
I have my house. I have my career. I have some of you guys have children. I have the
clothes, the body, the the health. I have everything. Why is it that when I'm with guys, I
kinda fall apart? I don't I'm not getting them.
And so the more I've been talking to a lot of you a lot of you wonderful women, in my 1
on 1 coaching and then just in communication now with the podcast and and all over
TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram, I've I've been talking to you guys, and I've been noticing
that you guys all have this 1 thing in common. Here's what I thought. I thought my so my
clients need they need to learn how to attract guys because they don't know how to
attract guys. And so I'm like, the feminine attraction system, it's gonna teach a process
that secure people, people that are securely attached, the way that they date. And they
date people in what's called slow burn. It's a slow love. Anxious people, my clients, you
guys speed things up too fast. Okay? And you don't choose well.
My, secure people, my clients after I'm done working with them, they're they have they're
able to date very slow. And when you date slow, you're able to consciously choose a
partner. When when you're in anxious attachment, you date really fast, you move things
too fast, and you subconsciously attach to guys. This subconsciously attaching is very
different than consciously connecting to guys, con consciously choosing guys. Okay?
I'm gonna explain the difference. But you end up never attracting these strong guys.
You're like, how am I how do I I know exactly what I want. I want someone that's just like
me, but I attract guys that are the complete opposite of me. I end up getting I end up
choosing these guys or the ones that are really great for me, I push them away. There's
something has got to be wrong. Okay? So I noticed. I started looking around and talking
to these women and noticing.
My clients don't have a problem. You guys don't have a problem attracting guys.

Are you kidding? You guys are a catch. Like, you guys are hot. You guys are so like, men
see you guys and they're, like, running towards you. Right? Dating apps everywhere. You
beautiful ladies attract guys.
Your problem is you guys are picking the potentials and not choosing the men that have
full promise. Okay? These guys are, maybe in the future, they'll be great. These guys are
they are great right now and you let them go. You don't choose them. They feel boring to
you or you push them away. What you end up getting are the guys that are aloof and not
available, or you get the guys that are totally available, but they're they don't have their
stuff together. Okay? So I'm gonna explain why this is happening.
This is happening because and you guys know the dynamic. It's very common. Right?
You you meet the guy.
He feels great. You're like, oh my god. There's something about him. We have we have
chemistry. He has so many things, like, that I like about him, and he's and he's paying
attention to me. He's into me. Like, he's great. Right? And it moves fast. It's fast.
It feels good, and it feels right. This is what's very deceiving about these guys. When a
man is there and pays attention to you because this is like the missing piece in your life.
How great. Right? You're like, this is all you need. It's a guy.
Everything else is great. Like, I just need this guy. So you're more susceptible to fall for
these potentials. And these potentials, they use 3 different things. They show up in 3
different ways and, you're easily susceptible to their methods of being, again, these
guys, but they're not doing it consciously. I want you guys to give these guys a break.
Here's why.
None of us do this consciously. Do you would you go would you be picking a guy with
potential on purpose? No. You wouldn't. You would not be wasting your time. You're you
just wouldn't do that. Nobody would.
Nobody's gonna waste your time on somebody who's gonna hurt break their heart or
treat them bad. Right? Or isn't capable of loving them the way they wanna be loved. No.
You want the the secure guy that's that's available, that wants to love you, that knows
how to date you properly, that has boundaries, that has vision, that is loving, he will
commit, he wants marriage, but instead you get this guy. But when you're at a deficit and
you're hungry, when a guy pays attention to you or you see certain things in a guy, you're
like, this is him. So let me explain what these 3 guys are.

These guys use this subconscious way of being and they get you with chemistry, they
get you with compliments and they get you with comfort. So let's explain the first 1. The
first 1 is chemistry. We all know this guy has things on your list. Like, he's like the stats
guy. Okay? Tall, dark, handsome, Latino.
Let's just say, like, this is your tall, dark, handsome, has a great job, maybe has some of
the values that you really look for. If you're an educated woman, he he's educated. If
you're in if you're in corporate America, he's in the c suite. He's an executive like you. If
you are an entrepreneur, he's an entrepreneur like you. Right? He has the car, the house.
Maybe if you're Christian, oh my god. He loves Jesus. Right? So you are just like, he has
so many of these stats. And these stats to you and your brain, they signify, oh my gosh.
If I'm with this kind of guy, then there's for sure it's gonna work. And what it does is it
makes you believe that if you get a guy with with the stats on your on your, like, ideal
man list, there's a pretty sure chance of security.
Like, you're you've secured a guy like this, your relationship's gonna work. So you feel
very secure. You get turned on by the security of of the potential of what this guy means
to you. And that's why you get very attracted to him. K? And you attach to him. You don't
realize it, but you you see the stats and you're like, this is my husband. Okay? And you go
fast.
You end up with this guy. He's he's he knows his stuff. He knows he has his stuff
together, so he's more chill. But you end up going towards him, and you get really
anxious. So you go towards him, and it it pushes him away. He ends up getting turned
off. Again, it's at first, he's there because he's like, oh, you look great, but then you get
very needy and he's like, what? Woah. What happened to, like, the secure woman that I
met?
Like, he's he it surprises him. So with this guy, even though he's great, you end up not
getting him because you because you want that use that false sense of security that
you feel with him. You end up doing too much, and then you push him away. K? But
here's what here's what's going on with this guy. This guy has all the stats and he has all
the things, but he's not he doesn't know how to be with a woman. He's still not mature.
He has he has a false sense of security too. He's not he doesn't have secure
attachment. The reason he has all his stats, all his stuff in line is because he knows that
they get women. He knows that if he has a car and a house and a career and and has
the things that like, on the list, he knows he's gonna get you. So he's he wants you. He's,
like, he's he wants a woman. He is willing to be with a woman, but he's not able.

He doesn't have the emotional, availability. K? He doesn't have the the skills to do it. So
he has all his ducks in a row, and he could. So he has potential to do it, but he doesn't
because he doesn't know how to connect to the woman, really. He doesn't know how to
give love. He just has security. He doesn't have love. K? Next guy with compliments.
This guy gets you with all the love and the attention and the affection. And, girl, this is
the guy that I would date. I because I wanted because I already have all my stuff
together. Right? I was like, I just want love. And I would forego the guy with all the stats
because I'm like, I already have all that. It doesn't matter.
I just want love. Right? I don't even need anything else. No. That's a lie. You get to have
all of it. Okay? So this guy gets you because he is attention, flattery, affirmation,
connection.
He gives you all the love. Why? Because that's really all he has to give. He doesn't have
his stuff together yet. So you think. Right? You're like, he just has a couple he's working
on his business.
When he moves out of his mom's house, when he doesn't have roommate, whatever it is,
you notice that he draws you in with with love. So because you're, again, missing love,
the love feels so good, and you're like, oh my gosh.
It feels good. And you're like, this is finally a man that knows what he wants, and and he
and he says it, and he's not afraid. Like, he's not afraid like this like, the other guy, right,
like the chem the chemistry guy, and that you're attracted to. This guy actually says it.
So you start telling yourself, this is the guy. Again, it's fast. It feels good. It feels right.
And you guys you go really fast. He moves really fast too, so you guys are both moving
really fast together. And it in time, once you get to know him more, you start seeing all
the things that he's missing. You're like, he has love, but he doesn't give security. The
first 1 who has security doesn't have love. This guy who has love doesn't bring security.
So you're like, oh my gosh.
When why can't I get him? But because he the love felt so good, and now you've been
with him for a while. You guys moved fast. You met his friends and family. Now you're,
like, stuck because, like, you're, like, we moved all fast. We look crazy, so you stay. Okay?
So the and then the last 1, the guy with comfort.
Why do we choose him? We choose him. We're susceptible to comfort. This guy is this
this 1 I want you to think of is comfort feels familiar.

Familiar is familial. The comfort that you feel with him is because he feels and reminds
you of 1 of your, parents from childhood that didn't have the availability that there was
chaos there. He was he they took away love.
They gave love. They just were not available emotionally, and so they remind you of 1 of
your parents. Okay? And it's that chaotic love that you never really got. And because you
remember that dynamic, it doesn't feel calm. It's not a it's not a good love. You just
choose this person out of autopilot because this is what's you've been programmed to
think that this is what love looks like because of your childhood.
You do not want this person, but you this person this guy you may attract be out of just
out of subconscious your body just really goes to him. And this can be a a fig this can
be the guy that you don't maybe the 1 that you always get.
Like, he is not ready. He is not available. He has no security. He doesn't have love, and he
does not have the capability to be in a relationship. He doesn't want it. He's not ready,
willing, or able. K? This one's really frustrating because these guys cheat. They're
abusive.
Maybe they're, absent. You're choosing a guy in jail or long distance relationship. These
are narcissists. These are really, really bad guys. Cheater, liars, bad. Yeah? But they're
the dynamic, and a lot of people say, I dated my mom.
I dated my dad. That's this person. K? And it doesn't work. You guys are more chaos
than anything, and but you stay because your brain your body's always like, if I just get
him to love me, then I'll be okay. But it's that it's that part of you that wants to fix mom or
dad. Okay? Doesn't work.
Does not work. So this guy, you choose him out of comfort. Subconsciously, your body
just literally just goes to him. What I want you to see with all 3 of these is that you chose
you choose all these guys out of attachment, subconscious attachment. What is
attachment? Subconscious attachment is it comes from a place of need. It's based it's
based in fear.
It's subconscious autopilot behavior, and it comes from a place of scarcity and lack.
These these 4 things that are really, really important for you to remember. Okay? These
they're it's based out of fear. Like, oh, I need this. It's like I need it. I need it.
Not I want it. I need it. Fear. If I don't have this, then I'm not good enough. If I don't have
this, then I won't I'm not gonna be secure. I won't be loved. Okay? So it's based out of
fear.

It's you choose them not from your conscious mind. It's your subconscious emotions.
This is emotion driven. This is memory driven from your past. K? This is your type now.
It's a habit.
And it's done from a place of scarcity and lack. I don't have enough. I am not enough. I
don't have love. I need it. I need security or I need love, and this is the man that's gonna
give it to me, so I gotta latch on. These guys never work out.
They never they never fully love you. They never fully provide safety and love that you
need from from a relationship, or, it's it's like nothing at all. Like like the chaos, from your
past from your past. Right? Why do we choose guys like this? It's just because of your
programming.
It's a habit now. It's your subconscious lack. So because you weren't loved with mom or
dad fully, not intentionally, we never wanna throw mom and dad under the bus. I wanna
make it very clear because you're feeling that that sense of lack of security in yourself,
sense of love for yourself, because there's this you have an empty cup, you never you
don't realize this. No 1 walks around saying, I don't have a sense of love and I don't have
a sense of security. You look like you're secure and you love yourself. You take care of
yourself.
You you have a home. You have a job. You pay your bills. You're successful. You have all
these things.
But deep down inside, you don't like being alone. You're scared to be in a relationship.
You have, like, a very, like you want a relationship, but it's hard. Right? Or, you don't fully
love yourself. And so when someone loves you, you're like, oh, this is what it feels like.
This feels great. You love you seek love externally. It's not coming internally. Okay? You
didn't get that you didn't get that full sense of love. That need wasn't met as a child. And
so now the only place that you've you've been able to get it is from is externally from
men. K? So this is hard.
This is terrible. Why? Because love and security, you should never depend and and seek
somebody for love and security. Why? This needs to come from you because what if
they're gone? Now you fall apart. There are people who are in a relationship and they put
all they only choose them because they love me.
They make me feel secure. There's money. There's safety. There's whatever. Right? And
then you you grab onto them because you don't have it on your own. And when they
leave, you women fall apart.

You know how many clients I've I've coached that are in their thirties, forties, fifties?
They get a divorce, and they do not know how to take care of themselves. Why?
Because they've never really had a full of, true sense of safety, of security, of love. They
can't do it for themselves. They don't they don't feel that way for themselves. They
always need it from somebody, from money, from a job, from from a title, from
followers, from from but more specifically, from a man. Okay? Because we always seek
it from a partner when we're insecurely attached.
And so how do we solve this? How do we stop attaching to guys? Right? You need to
securely attach to yourself, fully love yourself, fully find security in yourself. And when
you do that, you will then have secure attachment. You'll feel very, very full. Your cup is
full.
You don't need a guy. You you literally feel like I can honestly say, ladies, that I do not
feel like I need a man. If god told me right now, Annabelle, you'll never have a husband, I
would say, if that's your if that's your will, I love you. Let's go. I'm gonna work and have
take care of my daughters and have a probably get a puppy. I would be completely
content with it. Why? Because my love for I have full full love and security in myself.
I can provide for myself. I trust myself. I affirm myself. I tell myself that I'm worthy. I, I
feel self assurance. I feel self confidence. I feel a lot of certainty and security by myself.
I provide for myself. I do I don't need anything to love me other than what? Jesus. That's
it.
Jesus is Jesus is enough for me. And because g because I feel fully, fully, I want you to
think about my cup is completely full and overflowing. All of my relationships in my life,
friendships and men, my clients, my business, everything that comes into my life is done
out of just because I wanna do it. I don't need anybody. Attaching is need. Oh my god. I
need them if I if I'm gonna fall apart if I don't have them.
I need them. When you need somebody, when you feel like you need them, think of it like
you're starving. And the moment someone pays attention, you're so hungry that you're
you'll take it. It's imagine being starving when you because I've ever been hungry. I like, I
work by myself. And whenever I'm working at my desk and I'm hungry, my stomach
starts growling.
Because I I fast till about 12 or 1. And so my stomach starts growling. That's normal.
Our bodies are hungry. It's oh, it starts looking for food. Right? But once you get to a
point of starvation, once your once my body gets to it's about noon, which is normal,
because it's been, like, 16 hours since IVN. Right? Wait. Yeah. 16 hours.

My body's like like and all I could think of I I keep on getting ideas of food. Food. Food.
Food. Feed me. Feed me. And my I can't even focus.
I'm like, oh, fuck. Yeah. I need to eat now. So I I stop and then I eat. When you are
starving from love, all you think about is, like, a man. I I want a man. I want a
relationship.
I need a boyfriend. Go on Hinge. Open the app. Dating apps.
Guys, Instagram, where is he? Where's my ex boyfriend? It's your all you could think
about is food because your body needs feels like it needs love for survival. We do need
connection, guys, in order to survive.
You need it. But I want you to know that we you have a God sized hole in your heart, and
when you meet it, when it gets met by by your savior, by accepting Jesus as your lord
and savior, you feel very secure. But then there's other ways that you can do it with
people. Okay? But I want you to know that if you accept Lord and Jesus as your lord and
savior and make him number 1 in your life, this, you're healed forever. Okay? And you
literally have a relationship with your father.
I am completely secure. Be but when you don't have that, when you don't have security
by yourself let me give you guys an example. I could not be by myself ever. I especially,
like, I have a twin sister, so I think I've shared this before. I used to think that, that I was I
get scared to be by myself because I'm a twin. Oh, it's just because I'm a twin. No. No.
No. It wasn't because I was a twin.
I was deeply, insecure, like, not secure in myself. I had no self love. So the moment like,
when she got engaged and she moved in with her boyfriend or her fiance, I was
distraught. I hated him. I was like, I I couldn't even be happy for them because I wanted
her with me. I felt like she abandoned me. I hated her, and I hated him.
And and then I got over it for a while I mean, after a while, but I could not be alone. You
guys, I used to drink a bottle of wine every single night to deal with being by myself. I
could not be alone. Always text the guys. Had all my guys in my phone that I would call
and text and communicate with them. And if if no 1 answered, oh my gosh. Alcohol.
Like, I needed to drink.
It was so painful. And, when you're needy, you will choose anything. Anything that pays
attention to, you'll grab onto it. You don't have a standard. When you're hungry, saltine
crackers feel like a steak. Right? When you if you go 2 days without eating and someone
says, here's a pack of Saltines, you will think that they just gave you a freaking steak

from Fleming's. Right? So I want you to think of yourself as you're you have, like, for lack
of a better term, you're starving for love and security, safety.
And the way you've been looking for it and getting it is through men. And the moment
you find a man that has security, like stats, or he loves you, gives you compliments,
affection, attention, quality time, you grab onto it and you and you move too fast. You go
fast. You go you chase him or he chases you. This is why I call these guys chasers. You
either become the chaser or he chases you, and it is really unhealthy. Why? Because you
you don't even know a person.
You don't know them. You start having sex. You let them into your life. When you have
sex, you trust. I've talked about this before. Your brain goes offline. You're not thinking.
You're not looking at him and judging him with your conscious mind. You're not using
your brain. You need it to learn, to judge, and to just make decisions. That's not there
anymore when you move really fast with a guy. And then your alarm system goes offline
because now you've had sex. Now you're bonded to him. Now you trust him.
When you have sex, because you bond, your body's like, this isn't this is a friend. He's not
a foe. I don't have to look out for him. I don't have to see red flags. Nothing's red flags
anymore. You might think of the first guy and say, Annabel, but the first guy, he doesn't
even give me that attention. Why do I trust why do I still go after him if I don't have sex
with him?
Girl, because you are playing a story in your mind over and over of this guy. Mister
Michael.
Oh my gosh. Imagine us together when we go to Palm Springs and when we're in a
relationship, and you start making you start telling yourself stories. Your brain doesn't
know the difference, sweetie, between a story that you're replaying in your mind or that
you guys are really on a date. And a lot of you guys go into fantasy world, and fantasy
land, your body will still bond to him because you because you imagine your time with
him. 1 of the things I tell my clients is stop imagining time with a guy that doesn't like
you. You're lying to yourself. You're bonding to him emotionally, and you are creating a
false sense of connection.
It's not even there. Right? And so, with the guy that's not there, you're thinking so much
that you bond. The second guy, you move fast and you have sex and everything that you
bond. Right? And the other guy, you want to bond. You're just trying to create something
out of nothing even though there's so much chaos.

You just all you do is focus on the good stuff, and you've you disregard the chaos, the
cheating, the abuse, the him leaving, him not even being there. Love is enough. It's
something. You take the scraps. Right? And so what we you need to do is instead when
you're full, and you have that false and you have the true, true, true sense of love. I love
myself.
My dad loves me. My family loves me. When you actually create that secure attachment
within yourself, you feel really really full. A partner, you choose him because he's extra.
You don't need a man. You choose him because you want him. And here's 1 thing that I
realized that a lot of my clients have, find issue with.
I take my clients through this thing called the relationship vision, and I make them 10 x
their vision of a relationship. Not of a man, not the list, but what you how you wanna feel
and what you wanna be and, how you wanna be and what you want how you wanna
what do you wanna do with your man? And my clients think very, very small or they're,
like, have crazy expectations. Either 1 is fine. But I want I I noticed that a lot of my
clients, it feels hard to dream really big because, you're you almost feel guilty for
wanting more. You feel guilty for wanting a guy that can bring you security and love. I
noticed this with most most they think that you you think that you can only have 1 or the
other, and I used to think this too.
I used to think if I work a lot, I'm not gonna get a man. So I'm if I make too much money,
if I'm too successful, I'm not gonna get a man, so let me make less money. Let me not
let me not serve women. Let me not live out God's purpose for my life. Let me not be
obedient to his orders to me and not obey my heavenly father and not work. Because if I
work too much, well, I'm gonna guy's not gonna want me. Girl, no. You get to have it all.
You get love and you get security. What's beautiful about this is that you get the man
that you want, not the guy you need. Need is fear and small. Want is big and everything.
Okay? So when you're secure, what you end up doing is you end up with this if when you
subconsciously attach and you're just on autopilot and you pick these guys to have it,
what, you it's fast, it feels good and it feels right. Right? And you're just, like, going by
emotions.
Here, when you are fully secure, you what you do is you date securely. This is what I
teach in the feminine attraction system. You date with what's called a slow burn. Here,
you try to turn a spark into a flame. You you push it. You force outcomes.
You skip steps. Here, nope.

A secure woman, someone that's that's very securely attached in herself, she dates with
time. She is very selective. She has standards.
She allows space. There's stages to relationships. She understands our stages. So I
teach you this feminine way of dating, secure way of dating in the feminine attraction
system. I feel like I need to rename the program now because I realize, like, what I've
been teaching in that program, and I call it slow love. Okay? This is fast, furious, fearful
love.
This is slow love love. Right? And here, there's stages. There's you set the pace, you set
the speed, so it's slow. You set there's you have standards. Okay? And you date for long
term success, not short term gratification.
I need it now. I'm starving. Okay? You're you're patient. And it's a very different way of
dating. It's the way secure people date. A lot of a lot of you ladies have met secure men,
and because they take their time with you, you you get rid of them.
You push them away. Why? He's he's not interested.
He's, like, he's boring. He's he's, like, taking his time. No. No. No. No, girl. He's just
respecting you.
He did he didn't try to have sex with me. Are you kidding? He's respecting you. Like, no.
You guys get very triggered when a man is secure and he takes his time seeing you. He
waits days to see you. He doesn't try to see you every day. He's not pushy.
These these guys, the potentials, they either rush it or completely avoidant. They they go
too fast. They wanna see you all the time, text you all the time. This is not good. You
need to create space. You need to date very in a healthy way. And when you date in a
slow way, you're able to consciously choose a partner.
I teach you this in my group coaching program. I say, I teach you, 1, how to get secure
within yourself, how to date slow, the feminine attraction system. Right? How to create
that slow love with space, with standards, with stages, space, standards, and you date
for success, basically long term. And when you do that, you're able to consciously
choose a partner. How do you consciously choose a partner? You choose a partner with
your logic, not your emotion.
You choose a partner with your mind, EQ, and IQ. Okay? Secure women, secure men,
they choose partner based on compatibility, character, connection, consistency, and
commitment. So I teach you the the art of conscious conscious choosing. K? How to

how to choose a man on character, compatibility, consistency, connection, and
commitment. In the feminine attraction system, If you feel very secure and you're like,
Annabelle, I just need to learn how to date securely, get the feminine attraction system.
Now that's what that program is for. Okay? And I'm so excited about that program
because I feel for a lot of you guys, you guys are secure, but you just don't know how to
date a man. When you date a man like that, you will you will attract mask you attract
masculine partners. Okay? You attract secure partners, and you create secure
attachment within yourself. There's 2 ways to create secure attachment. Okay? You date
a secure partner and they teach you this is secure relationships, girl.
And he checks it. He, like, is a leader and he gets you secure. Okay? Or you get secure
and then you choose a partner. In Segura, I teach you it's it's called Segura means it
means secure. Okay? What I love about Segura is it stands for confident, certain, and
safe.
So such a beautiful word. Right? But, if you feel already like, no. But I feel I feel like I'm
I'm full. I just need the feminine attraction system. I just need to learn how to date
securely the way secure people date so that I can attract a secure partner and
consciously and choose a partner really well. Get get the feminine attraction system.
Okay? But if you feel like you know, Adeball, I I feel that very I date fast.
I go fast. I chase the guy. I'm choosing guys with potential. These are the the guys you
described. That is exactly me. I want to invite you into my group coaching program
called Segura. It launches this month in July 2024.
So depending on when you're listening to this, I wanna invite you, into this program.
Okay? But if you're feeling like like, oh, I still need help. It's feel it's feeling really difficult,
Then you have you need to work on your inner self. You have you you're you're not your
cup isn't full. And that's what I help women do. I help you build secure attachment in my
group coaching program.
So I go to the 6 month program. Click below to get on the wait list.
I'm so excited. This is gonna be a very intimate group of women. And it's community.
Curriculum is a conscious choosing curriculum, and, and we have weekly group
coaching calls. And we have curriculum, and we have the private community. It's so
amazing, and I'm really, really excited. This is the program of my dreams.
Like, this is the program I've been waiting to launch forever. I wanted to do this back in
2020. Now I feel so, so, so beautifully secure. And 1 of the 1 of the ways that I've I've

done that is with is with my spiritual connection with Jesus. It is the foundation of of
secure attachment. What you just need to be secure is to create your own love and
security within yourself. This is understanding your value.
This is raising your standards. This is knowing your worth. This is understanding your
purpose here on earth, understanding what you bring to this world, understanding why
you're here, understanding where you're from. When you know these things, you will
completely love yourself and you feel very, very secure. And, I'm sharing this because I I
really want you to know that this is security is learned, and it comes from it comes from
relationships. You can learn it in my presence with me as your coach. A lot of us didn't
have this as children from our moms and dads. I didn't. I didn't.
I had to learn it. I had to get it through years years of therapy and church and all this
stuff. But this program is specifically designed for a woman like you who is strong,
independent, smart, successful. You have everything else going on. The only thing you
don't have is a man, and you're realizing that all you pick is men with potential that aren't
that have the security, but don't love. Love, but don't offer that security and the respect.
You don't you can't rely on him.
You can't depend on him. You end up losing respect for him and your guys' relationships
fall apart. Right? These relationships make you either do a lot of work. Right? You feel
unloved. You feel underloved.
You feel overwhelmed. You feel tired, overworked.
I was talking about this in my marketing. And you, and it's simply because you don't
have that true sense of love and security, but it can be taught. It's a skill. It's wonderful. 1
of the other wonderful things, about it is you start to really master your feminine energy.
When you are securities in a woman, confidence and love and security in a woman is
true femininity. It's feminine design.
And when you are loved when you love yourself and you feel very secure, you are able to
fall back and step into your femininity and relax and let a man lead. The reason 1 of the
reasons that you're not able to do that is to be in your in your feminine and to let a man
lead is because you don't feel secure with a guy. You don't trust him. To let a man lead is
because you don't feel secure with a guy. You don't trust him. You don't you're like you're
you get defensive. A lot of my clients, they get the guy and then when they get the guy,
they sabotage it because they still they don't feel they don't feel secure without a man
and then they don't feel secure with the man.

They end pushing him away because you're not used to your body's not used to relying
on somebody. Because when you were younger in the past, relying on somebody left
you alone and and deserted and unloved, and you didn't get what you needed. Right? So
a lot of us have this very disorganized relationship with men, and it's it's so unfortunate
because we push away some amazing, amazing men that together, your relationship
can be this place where you both can heal and be and just be so good together and just
they're so they're supposed to be transformational. They're not supposed to be
transactional. When you are in attachment, you're literally just going there to get what
you what you need. It's very transactional.
When you are secure, you go there to serve and to to love. Serving is different than
giving. Okay? Here you're like, I'm gonna give them my success so I can get love. I'm
gonna give them my body so I can get love. I'm gonna give them my follower, whatever.
I'm gonna cook.
I'm gonna click. I'm gonna give them my brain. I'm gonna give them my presence so I
can get love.
Here, it's not about that. It's about genuine service. Somebody asked me that on on
Instagram today because I made a post and, someone said a woman said, what do you
mean by serving a man? And I said, oh, that's such a great question. Giving is different
than serving.
Giving is, like, give take. I want something back. It's very manipulative. It's very
transactional. It's like you're buying something, and it's an objectification.
You feel used. Right? And in business, that's that's fine. In business, that that's that's the
point of it.
It's value for value. Right? But in relationships, it's when you're secure, it's like, I love you
so much, and I love me so much, and I think you're such a great person that in when I'm
with you, I just want to just love you and come from a place of overflow. And it's a
service that you give because they're such a great person. You just love everything
about them. You encourage them. You let them you want them to be more themselves.
You want them to be happy. You want them to win.
I'll never forget. I remember when I used to date, this this was in my twenties, and I
dated this guy and he was he some I think he got, like, a promotion. Something
happened at work, and he was so happy, and I was, like, jealous. Low key, I was jealous. I
couldn't be happy for him. His success made me feel I was I was straight up jealous. I

could not be with a successful guy because I didn't feel successful in myself, and I
wasn't at the time.
I wasn't living out my purpose, that I was, like, low key jealous. And a lot of us, when
you're not secure, when your man is successful, when he's alone, when he goes out with
his buddies, you fall apart and you want to be able to be confident when he's away,
feminine when you're together. Right? You're good and I'm good if he's away. Nothing
bad's gonna happen. But when you don't have that when you need him there because
you're insecure, the moment he leaves, you fall apart and you get angry. And then I
would get low key upset.
I remember getting upset with my husband when he would leave somewhere and come
back. I'd be mad and he'd be like, I just went to the store to get milk, Annabelle. Like,
what? You're tripping. I was so needy, and it was because I didn't have any sense of
security about myself. You need that to have a successful relationship. Otherwise, a guy
feels like he's your everything and it's too much pressure.
We can't put that pressure on somebody. We need to build dependence. Right? There
needs to be both. And so if you're watching this and you're in you're in feminine
attraction, you're in the feminine attraction system, I want you to enjoy it. Follow the
steps of, allowing him to pursue you, allowing him to give to you, to be challenged, to to
to win, these are all secure ways of dating. If you wanna learn how to date, how to be
with a man with and create a slow burn instead of that fast and furious spark into a
flame, that's attachment.
When you learn how to date in a slow burn way, you start getting you create more secure
attachment with yourself and with men. You would start attracting masculine men. This
is why I created this program. I'm so excited for peep for you to have it. And if you're
already in the program, enjoy it. And if you find yourself noticing that it feels really, really
hard to do, that you you you don't let allow a man to be attracted to you and him come to
you. If it's hard for you to create that challenge with the space, with the feminine
standard staircase, right, if you if it's really hard for you to receive, if it's really hard for
you to, those 5 ways to create space you'll see in the program.
And if it feels really hard, you you there's more insecurity within you yet. And I invite you
into Segura. If you when you join in July, it's the lowest price it'll ever be, okay, ever,
because it's my beta. It's my first round, my first group, my first cohort of women. It's
gonna be very, very well priced. It's a 6 month program, and you get lifetime access to all
the curriculum in the program when you join, and you're gonna get the bonus of, of of I'm
gonna have a fall event called Segura in a day, Segura in a day, in the fall, and you get

free access to it when you are the first cohort of this program. And and then if you pay in
full for the program, then you get a full, 75 minute session with me, 1 on 1 strategy
session to get you really clear on where you are so that we can I can get you really clear
and focus on what you really need to focus on in the program?
So if this is something that you're interested in, please join the wait list below.
Depending on where, the program is, if we're enrolling at this time, if this is 2024 and
you're buying the program, it's going to be a live program that I'm unrolling all the
content live. And then after that, it'll be live a curriculum that you can join probably any
time. It'll always be open for enrollment. But right now in summer 2024, this is the first
group, and I'm doing the content as live with this first group, of women. So, I would love
to have you in the program. This program is for you if you're single, strong, independent,
successful, and you find yourself, being dating these guys with potential, being turning a
spark into a flame, if you don't feel good and secure and loving independent of a man, if
you're always thinking about them, if it's you're always in need of a guy and when when
relationships go fall apart or break up, you just fall apart, you need to build that that true
sense of security, of self love.
That's why the program is called Seguros. I would love to have you in the program. Click
below and please DM me on Instagram if you have any questions. I hope you can see
that the reason you've been choosing these guys and relationships haven't been
successful is because you've been subconsciously attaching guys, k, attaching to them
from a place of fear, from a place of automatic behavior, and it's from a place of scarcity
and a place of lack. And what you need to be doing is connecting to men from a place of
full love and security, and you do that when when you're securely attached, you have that
slow burn, love relationship, the way of dating a guy. You're it's not fast and furious.
Right? It's slow and loving and wonderful.
And then you can't you're able to consciously choose a partner from character,
compatibility, consistency, connection, and commitment. Very, very different. Here, it's
just chemistry.
It's just compliments. It's just comfort. You're not you're not choosing a guy. You almost
feel like they chose you or you just or you're chasing after a guy. Totally different. These
relationships are so different. And what's great is you become even more secure when
you have a secure relationship.
It's so beautiful. I invite you. If you have any questions, please let me know below. If you
get on the wait list for the program, you'll be the first to know, when the program is

available to join because because it's gonna be a small cohort cohort. I wanna keep it
very intimate. You you'll be given first access to join. The whole world won't know.
Only VIP people on the wait list 101st, and you get special pricing. You get VIP early bird
pricing to join. K? Big, big benefits. I always do this when I have a program. To me, it's
really important for you guys who are on the list and you guys are VIP members. You
guys get first access always.
So please let me know if you have any questions. I hope this was helpful. I can't wait to