3 Big Misconceptions About Finding Mr. Right

Society has been telling you how you to choose a partner and it's all wrong. As a woman of God, there are ways to date and choose a man and I believe the world, your flesh and the enemy have tainted the way you perceive men and how you choose a man and it's had you focused on the wrong things. 

I'm going to share what these 3 common misconceptions are, what the truth is and how to apply them in order to finally choose the best man for you.

Listen to the full episode to learn the TRUTHS and exactly how you can apply them.

Click here for the full show notes.

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Transcript

Hi, my friends. Welcome back to the Blooming Podcast. This week, I am talking to you about the misconceptions about finding Mr. Right. These are misconceptions that after working with so many women, and then now I have so many one-on-one private clients that I've been working with, and I get to chat with them and hear a lot of their beliefs and strategies around what they've done to hopefully try to find the right guy. When it hasn't worked, I always start by getting curious and asking, so what did you think that you had to do in order to meet the right guy or to keep your marriage together? I see a lot of different clients that are single, that are dating, that are in a relationship, that are married, that are engaged, and also that are post-divorce, healing from that, or back in the game again after divorce. I see women in so many different stages of their relationship with men, and I get very curious about what it is that people think women are the most common.

I'm going to give some extra ones, but the ones that I want to address are these three. The first one is you think that when you meet Mr. Right, then you'll finally be happy. This is the approach that I think most women make because society puts this belief on you. Most women are, let's be honest, being told by Hollywood and everybody, but mostly Hollywood, that you're going to be happiest once you fall in love, that your life changes completely for the better once you're in love and you find the right guy. If it's painful, you're probably with the wrong guy, and you need to get out. To a certain extent, I believe some of that, but for the most part, the one that's most commonly pushed on us is, you'll be happy when you meet Mr. Right. You think that a great relationship is all that's missing in your life, and then you'll feel complete.

Right now, your life doesn't feel good. You're always on the lookout for Mr. Right, for that missing piece. Once you find it, that's when you'll feel good. There's like an internal emotional gap for you or in you. Picture yourself like a half full glass. You believe that when you meet the one, that that's when life will be better or it can finally start. You're waiting for life in the future, that moment of relationship for when you can finally start your life and be happy.

For many of you, you've been postponing your happiness until that time. By definition, this means that you're walking around not fully or really unhappy, believing that something is missing in your life and that you can't be happy now or until then. Life feels really blah. You're sad. Maybe you don't make a lot of money. You're lonely. You feel unfulfilled. You're overweight.

You don't live at a place you like. You're waiting until that moment. I have a current one-on-one client. She's such an amazing woman. She's a I think late, late, late thirties. She has a great corporate job and she has a really amazing business that she does both. Super overachiever, super successful.

I remember talking to her about one of the things that I help my clients with is we talk about finding sources or creating healthy sources of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. Having these really good feelings around life independent of a partner because she's very single. One of the things we talked about is her home. How is your home life? I remember her saying, she said, if someone came to my apartment, they would think that I am a bachelor guy in college. It doesn't look like a woman my age lives here with the kind of lifestyle that she has. She makes really good income.

She's educated, corporate executive. She is successful by the world's terms. She said, my apartment, it's sad. I said, why do you think that is? She said, I don't think I've ever believed that I deserve to live in a nice home until I'm going to do that when I get in a relationship. She never put two and two together. She was like, wow.

She's like, I literally don't feel good in my home. I created this. We've been coaching for a couple months now, maybe two months. She recently upgraded her apartment. She's moving in in a couple of weeks. She signed the lease on her new beautiful apartment in a neighborhood that is safe. She used to live in a neighborhood that was literally not safe because she didn't feel that she deserved to live in a better neighborhood until she met the man of her dreams.

She said, I've never been so excited about my life and looking forward to my life until I did this. She's like, I never even knew that this was something that I was missing. She didn't know that this was something that she needed to be giving herself. I just want you to think about that. One of the points I want to point out to you is why this is happening. Why you think that when you marry Mr. Right, then you'll finally be happy. But the truth is there is no Mr. Right, just a man that's right for you.

The right man for you is attracted to the happiest and most secure version of yourself. I would want to say I should replace that word happiest with joyful because joy is different than happiness. Happiness is like a very fleeting, like this just made me happy. But joy is like a never-ending constant background feeling that never leaves you. What you see is a happy woman attracts the right man for her. A joyful woman attracts the right man for you. But when you believe that you'll only be happy once you have Mr. Right, you by definition are at a deficit.

You're missing something in your life. There's a gap. Picture yourself a glass and you're only half full of love and joy and security, like trust. Relationships are a place that you go to to love and serve others from a place of overflow because you meet a great man that you want to share all your love with. But when you serve yourself to him and you pour yourself into him, if you're only a glass half full, what happens? You don't have anything left. You feel empty.

So a relationship will actually be a source of pain and emptiness, not love, not happiness. You'll feel lonely, unloved, and insecure in a relationship. Whether he's there and especially when he's gone, you won't feel good if you don't already have a full cup independent of him. In fact, being with the right man at the wrong time, when you don't already feel complete and full outside of him, will actually bring up all your insecurities and you'll sabotage the relationship because you'll be feeling fearful, needy, and deeply insecure. Why? You'll push him away with your constant need for affirmation, time, and attention to make you feel better. You'll attach to him, like grab onto him.

You won't want to let go because you actually feel empty without him because you just poured everything into him. I'm so sorry.

I didn't know my phone was on. You'll push him away with your constant need for affirmation, time, and attention to make you feel better. You'll attach to him and you won't want to let him go because you'll actually feel empty without him. Does that make sense? You'll pour everything into him. You're empty and you're like, oh my gosh. That will make you feel so...

Any person that is completely empty inside, devoid of emotional security, love, peace, trust, confidence, that is the worst feeling a person can feel. You feel unsafe in a world, right? For him, a woman that's like this feels like pressure to him. It doesn't feel like a natural connection and a choice from you. It feels needy and clingy. A man doesn't want a woman that relies on him completely to be happy or feel loved. Here's what I want to offer too, ladies.

Most of you women that listen to my program, we're Christian women. We are believers. We follow and love Jesus Christ. We believe that he's our Lord and Savior. If you're a godly woman, most of you, I know you, I get these DMs from you all the time, you want a godly man too. And a godly man knows, a godly man that follows Jesus and is under his authority and is obedient to him has that peace and joy, the fruits of the Holy Spirit. If he has the fruits of the Holy Spirit, there's contentment in it.

There's a lot of joy in it, right? So if I met a man that is unstable, that is constantly calling me, constantly texting me, which was the case not too long ago. I went on a few dates with somebody and this man felt so painfully nervous and anxious and, for lack of a better term, not secure in himself. He needed to hold my hand, needed to call me all the time. And I was like, this felt to me. And when you're filled with the Holy Spirit, you have a lot of discernment. And this, for me, I've come to understand it to be not a place of judgment.

It's just a place of understanding somebody and seeing somebody very lovingly and compassionately. He feels very insecure. And when a man feels insecure, I don't trust him. I don't trust myself around him. Why? Because if he doesn't even trust himself and he feels insecure by himself, how is he going to take care of me? How is he going to love me?

Can I leave him alone? Is he going to fall apart when we're together, like when I walk away, when I go to the grocery store? And I've mentioned this before in my other podcast, right? I've said how when I was married, if my ex would leave and go to the grocery store to get milk, I would fall apart.

I would freak out. I would get angry because I felt abandoned, right? Because I didn't have the spirit in my heart, in my life specifically, right? I didn't feel God's presence in my heart. And because I didn't have that, when my husband would leave and come back, I would be angry with him when he would come back and he'd be like, what's wrong? I just went to the store. And he wouldn't understand it and I didn't understand it.

But how could he understand it if I didn't know myself either, right? So knowing that a godly man wants a woman because he's secure in Christ, he wants a woman that's secure in Christ too. And if this is what you want, if this is what you say that you want, a godly man that is under Jesus' submission, right? Just like Jesus sacrifices life for the church, a husband sacrifices his life for his wife. If you want a godly man like that, he wants the same. It's very similar. He doesn't want this woman that's going to fall apart because he goes to work, right?

There's no codependency. We are dependent on Christ and interdependent in our relationship. It's a really beautiful dependence and need for each other, a really healthy desire for each other and a desire to love each other, right? So a godly man wants a woman that is joyful, carefree in nature, at peace, right? Not perfect. No one asks for perfection here, right?

But for the most part, you know like, God's got me. You don't fall apart at the drop of a dime. You don't feel like crap when you're single, right? And so a man, a godly man, your confidence and your joy is really attractive to a confident godly man. Why? He knows you're fully content and secure and complete with God, without him. And I've heard this said countless times.

You guys are going to see. I met some amazing men that you guys, oh my God, amazing godly men that I want you guys to see what they sought out in a woman when they were single. Some of them are married, some of them are single. But I want you guys to see what it is that they were attracted to and they weren't attracted to these insecure women that were like, didn't know God. Some of these men may have brought their wives or girlfriends closer to God because of their discipleship, because of their presence, but it wasn't this, she's just down and out because God calls us to not be unequally yoked, right? A man that's in the word knows God's commands and he calls us to be equally yoked with a partner. So know that your confidence and your joy is attractive to a godly man.

So until you're fully joyful, complete and secure while you're single and feel like you're not this godly, beautiful man to you, right? And by beautiful, I don't mean hot.

I mean, that'd be beautiful. Thank you, Jesus, right? But let's think of this like deep self-love and security from God, right? From Jesus. It makes you feel so great when he's gone because you're good single because you've got the love of Jesus. I keep on saying, I said this to my friend Michelle the other day. I'm like, I genuinely understand the triune God now, like the father, the son, the Holy Spirit.

They're all the same, but they're different, right? Or God is the father and Jesus was his son and he sacrificed him for us. And the Holy Spirit's like a counselor, like a judge, like a lawyer for us, right? And he's there with us all the time. And I really believe that Jesus is the sacrificial lamb, this beautiful, loving, more maternal, feminine energy. Whereas God is like the disciple, like the God, the leader, the father, the headship, this more masculine. And I had this profound, profound moment with the Holy Spirit a couple of weeks ago, understanding that, wow, I'm his bride.

And I've been posting this on social media consistently because I'm reminding myself with the Holy Spirit embedded on me. He said, you're already a bride. What are you talking? Jesus, you're his bride, right? Jesus says the church is his bride. I already am his bride, right? And he's my bridegroom.

So I'm already taken. I'm already loved. I'm already sourced. He's the source of love and I already have it.

How beautiful is that, right? And when you're single, that is how you'll feel when you have that really secure, what we know now is secure attachment, right? Like you've talked about in the last episode, that feeling like you can't trust the masculine, right? You can't trust your heavenly father to provide. So know that you're man, the guy, the man that you want, the partner that you want, if God sees fit, that you should have a husband, right? He reaps the benefits of that extra joy that you feel, which only makes him want to be around you and love you even more because he benefits so much from your loving nature. Nobody wants to be around a negative Nelly, someone depressed, someone so in pain and in need.

And that needs to be like, oh my gosh, you guys, I had this conversation with my ex-husband a couple of weeks ago or a couple of months ago. I don't even know when it was. What are we in August? Yeah. Even just a couple of weeks ago. And I remember him reminded each other of like, yeah, the marriage wasn't good and we needed to get out and it wasn't the best thing ever. But you know, this is, you know, obviously if it happened, it's cause God, God had a plan.

This is what needed to happen. And so he reminded me of how, how needy I was when I was married to him.

You guys, I had no idea. I kid you not. I had no idea. I was so embarrassed when he told me, but it was so, so enlightening when he told me, I was like, I needed to hear that. Thank you. It sucked. But I was like, thank you.

Because I, he told me I, it was draining. Like every day I had to like talk you off the ledge. I had, I just do not remember this of myself. Why? Because I was in such a survival state during our marriage. When you're in a survival state, guys, you, when you're in constant fear, when you're in a, even low grade, even like a low key fear responsive, like, oh my gosh, I don't know. And the, and just like confusion, that's a low key stress response.

And when I was in this low key stress response, my entire marriage, when you're in a stress response, your, your, your memory, your, your hippocampus goes offline. You don't log memories. And I don't remember a lot of these things. I don't, I have big gaps in memory of my, of my marriage. And I remember him telling me, I'm so sorry. And he's like, I remember him saying, I, I can't at least now, like he couldn't imagine us getting back together because it was so much work for him. And I think he's at a place where he's healing and he's doing a lot of work himself.

So like, if he's drowning, he sure can't carry me. You know, our marriage, um, the demise of our marriage, the end of our marriage really, you know, it was really painful for both of us. We both have been going through a really big healing time the past year because the divorce was final and everything. And it was really, really painful for me. I'll speak not maybe for him, but he's like, I can't do it again. You know, and I'm like, I don't blame you.

You know, I, I, I can't imagine. And so, um, the, when you are in that deep survival, like that, that pain, it's, it's not attractive to a man. I mean, I don't know what, how else to say it, but it's just, it ain't cute, right girls. It's just not cute. So if you think you're going to be happy when you get a guy, it's not, it's, it's, it's not true because one, God doesn't want us dependent on a man for happiness, for joy. We are made, you are, you are made to worship God and love him first and only everything external. Even man is an assignment or, or our earthly duty is to love others as ourselves.

So love and worship God, love yourself the way God loves you, right? The way you, when you, when you love God, you get to know who you are. And when you get to know who you are, you're like, wow, I love God this much. And if I'm just like God, that means I love myself. And so you'll love yourself a lot. Once you love God, it's beautiful. This is the beauty of loving your heavenly father.

You will grow to just have so much love and compassion for yourself. So much curiosity, so much gentleness, because you'll see how God does it for you. You'll start treating yourself that way. And when you treat yourself that way, you will treat others with so much care and compassion because you know, you are all one from our one heavenly father, right? It's, it's very, it's easier to just love people and just be open and not be angry, slow to anger. I mean, just so much peace comes with it, right? But from that place, God calls us to love others as ourselves, right?

So marriage is an assignment that God chooses for us. If it's his will, some people you guys don't ever get married, just know that. Um, and then we all know tons of marriages fail, but it's not because the institution is bad. It's because some people don't understand that marriage is an assignment. It's not an amusement park. It is a place where you're called to serve another person and he's there to serve you. You're, you're there to call to serve a man, right?

And he's there to serve you. And so, because you guys are both pouring into each other, um, you're, it's, it's, it's work and the work is hard because the partner that God assigns to you, um, will always force you to, to see battle your demons, to see your sinful nature. If you have a good partner, he will show you this is, you know, look at what's going on here and you guys will grow together. Um, and it's, it's definitely a place of work. And so, you, but you do need to be full of Christ and ready before you're married. Um, some people get ready sooner, you know, some people, um, you're not, I'm not saying that you're going to be perfectly secure when you meet a partner, but God wants you at least on the path and him knowing, okay, you're ready to be with a partner, but it's not about finding Mr. Right, Mr. Right. You will, you will, you will not attract a man until you have that joy and that confidence in Christ because a godly man, that's what he's looking for. Ladies. Okay. A godly man wants a woman that is settled and has fruits of the Holy spirit. Trust me.

He's, he's looking for that. He's looking for it. I've talked to so many Christian men, um, so many great Christian husbands that have, you know, given me counsel on this and they say, you know, if you're miserable, I mean a Christian man, although he'll, he'll be kind and loving to you. He wants somebody that has the fruits of the Holy spirit and, and Christian good godly men consult with Jesus before they choose a partner. And, you know, um, they'll, they'll understand that loving you as a calling and what the work is going to be. And, um, it's not this like quick decision and it's just this beautiful, um, place where you guys go to grow together, but it's a place where a man wants to see you already full with Jesus before. Okay. The second misconception is, uh, you think that you'll know he's Mr. Right because it will feel good and because it feels good, you'll want to move fast. Okay. So remember I, I'm saying the three misconceptions about finding Mr. Right.

The first one is you think that when you marry me and marry Mr. Right, then you'll finally be happy. The other one is you think that you'll know he's Mr. Right. You're going to know that it's Mr. Right because it's going to feel really good and it's going to move really fast. Okay. What it's going to, there's going to be chemistry. This is what, this is what Hollywood tells you. Um, he's going to check off the proverbial boxes of the dream man list, right?

He's going to feel good. He's going to move fast. And because of that, you think that if he's good on paper, he's good in person, right? Like it feels really good that he's got to be the one he has the looks. He might have the stats, right? Like the things that make you feel good. Let's talk about what makes you feel good.

There's chemistry, there's physical attraction. Some of you guys just go off physical attraction and you're like, this has got to be it. Oh my God. If it feels so this chemical, he's got to be the one, right? And then you just, some of you guys go off of stats. And I talked about this in one of our episodes a while back. You think that if he has, if he checks the boxes, like the looks, the job, the income, the home, the car, maybe even the religion, right?

Oh my God, he's Christian. If it looks like a duck, it quacks like a duck, then hello. You know, this makes you feel so good because you finally found him. And so you trust that this is him. This is Mr. Right. And so what do you do?

You move fast. Why not? This is your husband after all, why wait? Right? So you start treating him like a boyfriend or a husband very quickly. And what does a boyfriend or husband get? He gets all the relationship benefits, right?

This is the moving fast part. So you start trusting him. You start loving him. You start moving fast and you maybe even skip steps with him. Talk a lot, spend a lot of time together. Give him your information to give him your trust, give him your trauma, give him your respect, your love. And by that, I mean like your stories, right?

Um, give him your commitment and you give him your body. You sometimes even take the lead and you plan and help move things along faster, right? All the wife duties in full effect. Why? He's your husband after all.

Oh my God, he's the one. Oh my gosh. You've met him, right? So you spend your days with him. And when he's not with you, you spend your days fantasizing about him and how your future will be together, the house, the vacations, the kids, right? So what does this end up doing? You move fast.

You give him all the privileges. You start believing and acting as if, and you start bonding to him. You falling in love.

We know this. If you, if you're in the feminine attraction system, if you bought that program, you've seen that the second stage is emotional connection and emotional connection happens when you bond with somebody. The way you bond with somebody is you, this is essentially the falling in love, what the world would call falling in love, right? Um, you start doing things, um, with the person that you would in a normal relationship because bonding happens in time. Bonding happens like a later, right? But if you think like, Oh, it feels good. So we should move fast.

You're going to move fast too early and you're going to push, like skip steps and have sex and, and, and start moving in together and introduce them to your friends and your family and network and everything. Right. And so you start, even then, what are the other things that I see women do is you move forward with like, with the relationship fast, but some of you guys, the guy isn't really reciprocating. You're moving fast in your mind. You start fantasizing about him a lot and you're thinking about, Oh my gosh, he seems that he's has all the things that I wanted a guy.

He would be so good. Right. And so you start fantasizing and that's what bonds you. Okay. The truth is you can not go off stats, looks, or feelings alone when choosing a partner, when deciding if this is Yes, you're attracted to him. Yes. All that he's showing you and all that, you know, so far looks great, but that's all surface physical details.

And sometimes just chemical. This feels really good to your flesh and really good to your ego. These stats like tall, dark, handsome, successful, smart, whatever those ideal man, wishlist item, Christian, right? Items are for you. They signify Mr. Right to you. Why? Because you grew up hoping or imagining this kind of a man and he showed up and you started seeing, you saw he has some of these traits.

And so you believe if I'm with this kind of guy, I met him. And if I'm with him, it's going to work. What it creates in your mind is certainty. Oh my God, this is the one. And if this is the one, this is, this is, this is the means it's going to work this time. And you, so you're attracted to him and you want to grab on tight and you attach to him. You find safety in a man with all these qualities, the feelings, the stats, the information, because to you, they signify certainty and success, right?

They may signify that you'll be taken care of or that you'll be loved or physically, or you'll be financially and physically secure and home. Maybe he has, you think he has money or stability or he has a lot to offer. Right. And there's a lot of relief in that, especially if you didn't have it growing up or you don't have it now, because you're not taking care of yourself right now. Remember the client that I talked about earlier, she had all this stuff going on, but she wasn't taking care of herself in certain ways. Right. So it may even mean that he has these things that your family will like.

Like if you look at his stats or how you feel and things about, um, about him, um, your family will like it or your friends or your church or social media will like it. He's handsome. He's tall. He's Christian. There's things about, he's educated, right? Habla espanol, you know, he's speaking Spanish, something, these things that you find valuable in him. And so there's something really reassuring in that others are going to be happy too, right?

Not just you. Oh my God. Other people are going to be happy too. So you move fast and you rush the relationship process. But this is like judging a book by its cover just because it looks good on the outside. Doesn't mean it will be. It doesn't mean he is his stats, his looks, or the initial details you learn about him are not the only thing that make a man right for you or will overall or will meet a successful relationship.

Time is one of the things that will tell you this. You need to spend time with him, right? Allow time and allow him that you learn about him with the time to tell you and show you who he is. The other thing that's going to tell you if he's the right person, God, Jesus will tell you, you will be in prayer. I talk about this in my group coaching program. So how to pray and how to ask for discernment, for understanding. God will always give you the answers. Always. He always does, right?

Time will tell you, he will tell you, God will tell you. There's a, we need, and you're right. Stats and looks and the chemistry are just surface and they're preliminary things to consider that are nice to have, right? But you need to go deeper and you need to learn who he really is and only time with him and only God will be able to actually tell you if this is the right person. Okay. You have to actually experience him and spend time with him. We don't want to rush and make permanent decisions like a relationship or a marriage based on emotional excitement, right?

I always tell my clients, patience is pretty patient. Time is your best friend. A secure woman, a woman that's trusts.

God takes her time. After all, if this is the right man for you, you have your whole life ahead of you guys. So you can take your time and enjoy the process. There isn't a reason to rush, but here's what I want to note to you. When you are in deep need of love, when you're starving, you can't wait. You're hungry. You need it now.

And I want you to notice, do you find yourself rushing? Do you find yourself skipping steps? Do you find yourself just giving him your information, your time, your, your trust, your love, your respect, your commitment, your body, right? These are things that you don't just give away. There's reasons why God said there's rules in the Bible. Like when you're, when you're to have sex, once you get married, right? When you're in the covenant, um, oftentimes that good feeling is just, it's chemical and it's more about being comfortable with him versus being safe with him.

It just feels like, uh, the feeling of like, Oh my God, I feel like I've known him for a long time. There's no way this happens as quickly. Like sometimes things are divine. And for some reason, God moves things very quickly, but that's rarely the case. That's usually exception. Okay. And sometimes what's comfortable is what's familiar and what's familiar is familial.

It can be subconscious programming about what you've been programmed to want by your family or culture or society that are choosing him. Both are driven by a deep need for security and safety. And this makes you attached to him and it makes you rush versus simply connecting to him, taking your time, allowing things to evolve and unfold organically. Okay. Here's the bigger picture. When you go off of who he is and how he makes you feel, you attract men that think the same way as you, right? If you're just like, I want to, I want someone that makes me feel good.

He wants someone that makes him feel good. Like, it's just about like, take, take, take, but you want a man. Um, I want you to understand that because you have, because you have this deep need for somebody, you have to actually, you don't want to just choose somebody out of need. You don't want to choose somebody out of desire, out of, out of wanting, out of fullness already from Christ, then you can choose a partner. So please notice if you're, if you're feeling like I need to, um, it feels good so we can move fast. It feels good. It feels right.

So let's move fast. That's nothing. You don't need to move fast and you need time is your, is one of your best friends. God, you need God, you need time, you need him to show you who he is. Right. And thirdly, the last misconception that I find that make is you think that Mr. Right has to choose you. You think that when a man comes after you, shows you affection or attention or interest, that's your husband.

So you automatically, when a man gives you attention or some form of interest, you give him trust and love without vetting him out. This is, this is like so important. Ladies, we've been told what's the Bible verse. Oh my gosh, I'm going to look it up. He who finds a wife finds a good thing, right? I forget which Bible verse this is. I'll put it in the notes.

This, you need to read that whole scripture there. That's just one line in the scripture. But what man, I want you to think about some other parts of scripture that, that, that the Bible says seek and you shall find. Right. And so we're saying a man who finds a wife finds a good thing. A man who finds a wife is because he's seeking a wife, right? And a man who's seeking a wife, the people who, Christian men, godly men know that they should only be seeking a wife once they are in the presence of God, once they are in his word, once they are in his purpose, meaning he is working, and then he should seek a wife. Okay. So if you, if a man seeks a wife and he finds her, people, people, women think, oh my God, he, he, he thinks I'm cute.

He's somewhat interested in me. He's somewhat is talking to you. You automatically think that this is Mr. Right. And I want you guys to know that the devil perverts everything that is in the Bible. The Bible, the devil perverts everything that God says in scripture, because he just, he uses mostly truth and a little bit of deception to get you. Just because a man pays attention to you does not mean he is choosing you. And a lot of you are confusing the two. Okay. So I want you guys to notice that.

What's the truth about this? The truth is you must consciously choose a partner back. It's not enough for him to simply want you. Yes, it's flattering and exciting that a guy's interested and attracted to you, but you must ask yourself if you like him too. Oftentimes you lack, when you lack love in your current life, you can feel really soothed and really excited when someone finally pays attention to you and there and shows affection for you. Right. And it's, and it can be very deceiving.

So this is why this is like, I've said this before, when you're hungry, a salting cracker feels like a steak, right? So when someone gives you a salting cracker, you're like, oh my gosh, oh my God, this is amazing girl. It's a, a nutrition list cracker, like a nothing healthy or good about it. Right. It's just, it's just some form of sustenance. It's like the driest thing ever. But when you're starving, it will feel really good.

So I want you, a lot of you ladies, when, when a man pays attention to you, I, you guys, I used to do this. I literally, I would see a man and be like, is that my husband? I would remember asking myself everywhere I'd go. I would look to see if he had a ring on his finger. And if he was nice to me, I would assume that a man who pays attention to me meant that he wanted me and that I needed to go by, by his, his attention. Girl, no, the Starbucks barista pays attention to me, right? The store, the grocery store attendant pays attention to me.

That doesn't mean he's right, that he likes me. It doesn't mean that he's choosing me, right? It doesn't mean that, that, and just because a man is interested in me or like is, is, or not even interested, just showing you attention. Attention is different than intention. A man who is interested has intention. A man that, that is paying attention to you oftentimes is just, it's just out of, um, uh, um, what's the word? Attraction. He's paying attention to you because he's attracted to you.

Sorry, my phone went off. Um, but a man that's interested in you has intention and there's very, it feels very different.

He's properly courting you. He's just not like, it's not just flippant and sporadic and every here and there. Right? So oftentimes we think that when a guy chooses you, you have to choose him back. Or if he pays attention to you, you think that that means that he was interested in you. It doesn't mean that. But because I'll give you guys an example.

I had someone who was very interested in me. He, I mean on paper, you guys, perfect guy, single dad, kids, house, vacation, home, boat, great career, lots of money, lived in my city, said he was Christian. I mean all the things, all the things. I mean on paper you would be like, when you're marrying him, he was so into me, spending money on me, picking me up, being quote unquote, it would look like masculinity. It wasn't, it wasn't. It was desperation. He was older and he, I could tell his like clock was ticking and he was, he, he wanted anything.

He wanted me more than anything. It was so, it felt so like, like attachment. Like he's like, he needed me. It was very egocentric and he never talked to me about Jesus once. Not once.

Didn't bring him up. Nothing. And he was like, I love God.

I go to church. He didn't go to church. I knew him. I was watching him. Never went to church. Didn't pray. Didn't talk to me about anything remotely sounding like he had a relationship with God.

When you have a relationship with God, ladies, this, this person is involved in your life. Just like if you're a mother and you have kids, you're talking about your children. Like I got to go pick them up from school. I got to take them to school. I have to make, I have to make dinner. We're going to go to the playground. We're going to go to the pool.

We're going to go to, you know, karate practice, dance practice. I'm going to read them a book. I got to get, make sure they took a bat. Like we are talking about our relationship with them and how we're interacting. This man never talked about Jesus Christ ever. So I knew he didn't have a relationship with Matt, with God. And it, within a week of dating him, he was talking about marriage and I was like, slow down turbo.

It felt so, it felt like so much pressure and it didn't feel attracted to me. It didn't. And, and I'll you ladies, because I've done the work because I've done, because my relationship with God, I'm so secure. I feel so secure in my relationship and love from God. My discernment, it, it's so clear. Like my clients, you guys, the clients that work with me, they are, I'll never forget this. My client last week told me, she's like, and about what this guy said to me.

And I was like, get away from me. She's like, it was the way, you know, when, when, when, um, Peter tells Jesus, they're not going to kill you. And he's like, get away from me. Satan, like, like he was like rebuking him. Um, not because he was, but because of what his mindset was very like, um, not faithful. Right. It wasn't like based in reality. And, um, it's my, like, when you, when you become more securely attached in God's love for you and who, and your love for yourself, men that are insecurely attached, feel disgusting.

It doesn't feel good to you. It feels, you will be very turned off by them. And men that are securely attached, you will, you'll have interest and you're not going to feel like, um, attaching, like you want to attach them. You'll just say, think, Oh, that's great. He's there's some good qualities, but you don't have that quiet desperation, but there will be a very clear disgust around it. There's discernment. And he was like that.

He, he wanted me, he was talking about like, where do you want to get married? What kind of address? Like, I was like, calm down. And I, very soon after that ended things. Um, there was other things that he did, but, but it's not enough just because a man is interested in you guys, ladies, there needs to be other factors of why you choose a man. What are the other factor factors? Who is he?

Are you compatible? What kind of lifestyle does he lead? Does he love Jesus? That's the first question. First of all, and does he follow Jesus? And does he obey Jesus? Is he, is he in God's will for his life, right?

What future plans does he have? Are they aligned with yours, with God's will for your life? It's important that he likes you, but it's even more important that you choose a partner partner based on his character, compatibility, a connection that you guys have with each other. Connection is different than attachment. Connection is a deep emotional bond that you guys have when you guys are both fully yourself and secure in your love for God. Like it's, that's what connection is. Is he consistent with his feelings and his actions?

Do they match up? So in Sakura, I teach in the third module, I teach women what's called what I call conscious choosing. Um, you choose a partner based on your conscious mind, not your subconscious feelings, right? This is how subconsciously, this is what like the fear-based attachment looks like. And when you're consciously choosing a partner, you're choosing them based on character, compatibility, connection, consistency, and commitment, his ability to commit. And this is, this is what you're going off of. You have to choose him.

It's not just about him liking you and being interested in you. There's a mutual choosing that happens. Okay. And these are the, these are the misconceptions ladies that I see women having when you're not securely attached, when you're not secure in God's for you and you're not secure in what God, who God says you are and his love for you and your love for yourself. And you don't feel safe in this world where you don't feel like you can trust the masculine because here's what I want you guys to know. You need to be securely attached to yourself, independent of a man. You need to be that whole single self.

I've talked about this before singleness. When you're single, it means you are whole, you're independent, you're separate or AK independent, and you're unique. I teach singleness in my group coaching program, Sigura. That's the first module. It's like the most, most, most important part of understanding your wholeness and your singleness in Christ. The other thing that you need is you need to learn how to date securely. The second part that I mentioned in this, right, is, is believing that you need to move fast and it needs to be all emotions.

No secure men do not date this way. Secure women do not date this way. This is, this is an old habit that you're going to need to learn to break and you're going to need to know how to date securely. Dating securely is there's, it's slow. There's space. You go by standards, all these beautiful ways of dating. And when you date that way, you're able to consciously choose a partner, which is the third part of Sigura is how to consciously choose a partner based on character, compatibility, connection, consistency, and commitment.

These are the three main things that I'm teaching you in Sigura. I keep on saying Sigura, but that's for a lot of you women that don't speak Spanish. Sigura means confident. It means certain. It means safe. It means being grounded in God's love for you and who you are and in what kind of woman you want to be with a partner. And you are, you are now able to be with a partner because of this deep security that you have within yourself.

Ladies, it is the most powerful thing to be able to be single and deeply joyful, deeply fulfilled, deeply safe, deeply loved, independent of a man. Because here's why when you feel this way, when you're single, I'm going to cry. When you feel this way, when you're single, you have the desire, you will have the desire to be a wife. You will not want a husband. And those are two totally different things. This is what changes in you the most. You will understand the beauty and the assignment of marriage.

And we're going to talk about this in Sigura. Marriage is an assignment. Love is a choice. It's not a feeling. And God is a God of process and he tells us to be equally yoked. And these are the four main things that I used to create Sigura, this coaching program that I am so, so deeply proud of, that is based in biblical teaching, that is grounded in, in, in the Bible and what God says about you and being a woman, being that even that Proverbs 31 woman. I don't want to be corny, but like it's that woman that is fully, deeply secure and happy and joyful in with God, just with God.

Because if you're not, you won't choose, you won't choose a man. You will pick a man out of subconscious fear. You want to choose a man out of conscious love and a desire to be a wife versus just wanting a husband. Wanting a husband is a very selfish thing that you want for your own pleasure. Being a wife is a desire to show up and be an assignment and be there and be a woman that loves a man. Because you understand that your role as a wife is such a beautiful assignment that God uses to build up the kingdom, to build up a man, to create a family, to have children, to be the best mother and wife possible. Some women don't have children.

I get that. But if you are going to be a mother, this is one of the things that you need, right? And so in Sigura, my coaching program that's launching, I'm so we're open for early bird enrollment. If you join now within the next five days before, so if this is going live, let's see, you're going to be listening to this. If you're listening to it, the day that it comes out is August 14th, okay? Sigura is open for early bird enrollment. It is an introductory price that's available for five days.

So the 14th, the 15th, the 16th, 17th, and 18th. On the 19th, next Monday, we open for actual enrollment for seven days and the price goes up on the 19th. So if you're ready to join this program to learn the beautiful, wonderful skill of secure attachment within yourself so that you can prepare yourself for the beauty and the assignment of marriage and build that secure attachment of loving yourself, being confident in who you are, joyful in who you are in your singleness, this program is for you. Remember the three modules are building secure attachment, which is module one. Module two is learning how to date securely, which is dating a godly man, dating a woman that's godly. We date from a very different place. We date in a very different way and you have to undo the old ways of dating because remember, the old ways of dating are dating rushed and skipping steps.

That's not how we date. That's not how God calls you to date. It's very different and you have to learn this. The great thing about this program, it's a six month program. The great thing about this program is if you're single and ladies, even if you're in a relationship or you're dating, this program is still for you. I'm going to explain to you why. Because the things that you learn in the dating process and the things that you do with the man and remember and love about a man in the dating process are actually the things that you need to continue doing when you're in a relationship.

It's the things that keep your relationship beautifully nurtured. It feels like that honeymoon stage. It feels like that deeply connected stage. Everything that you do in the beginning is what you want to continue in your relationship and then later in marriage. Even if you're not single, if you're married or you're in a relationship, this program is still for you. Dating securely, you have to learn how to date the way that God says to date. And it's very different than you're used to your fast dating.

And then the last one, like I mentioned before, you have to learn to choose a man, not just let a guy choose you. You have to consciously choose a partner with your conscious mind, not subconsciously attaching. And consciously choosing is choosing a man based on compatibility, his character, consistency, connection, and commitment. And I go over all these things in the Segura program. So if you're listening to this, you can click the link below so you can join now at Early Bird Enrollment. It's open for five days until Sunday at midnight. And then on the 19th, it goes up to Early Standard Enrollment.

The price goes up. You'll notice the price goes up after Early Bird Enrollment. So if you want to get in now, join Early Bird. I definitely, definitely recommend you because it's like, it's a pretty big discount and it's the lowest price the program will ever be priced. Okay. So I'm so excited to bring you guys this program. I want you to see that a lot of the misconceptions about finding Mr. Right, you'll notice are rooted in these wrong beliefs that society, the world, the enemy, your flesh has taught you.

It needs to go fast. I need to wait till he chooses me. It needs, I need to, it needs to feel really good. And I'm not happy until I meet Mr. Right. None of those are true, right? None of those are true, which true is you'll meet the right person for you when you are genuinely happy and secure, independent of a man, which is means that you're fully happy and secure and joyful and secure with the love of God first and foremost. And when you have that, then you can finally choose somebody in a slow way, in a conscious way.

It's not just about feelings. It's not just about moving fast, right? You're not going to just bond to each other quickly and make these mistakes and get stuck in a relationship because you move too fast. You want to date securely. You want to date slowly. And I teach you the skills of secure dating, which is biblical dating. And I, and listen, you guys, we all know that there's no dating in the Bible, but these are the ways, the most closely, the most close to biblical ways that I could find based on the biological body.

And I'm going to teach you all this in because God made the body, God made your biology. And he also, it confirms the way God tells us to date in the Bible too. So it's really beautiful, secure dating. And then lastly, um, consciously be able to consciously choose a partner that is perfect for you. And, um, uh, basically what I, what I like to call that co-signed by God, how to know that this is the right partner for you. All right. I'm so excited for this program.

I, I'm, I feel so blessed to be doing this work with you. I've been wanting to do this program for years and years and years, all with the power of God, with God's blessings. I finally have been able to put this out and I'm just excited. And I, and I believe that if this program, if everything that anything that I've talked about in, in this podcast, if these things, if the way that I speak and share with you, if it feels true for you, if what you want, if what this, this program is offering speaks to you, if you want that, this program, join this program. If I X, who I describe in this program, when I talk about the fear, the detachment, that needing a partner, the feeling like you're not happy without a partner, if that speaks to you, this program is for you trust. And this would pray about it too. I definitely want you to pray about it.

I don't want you to just join, um, very quickly, but I think for many of you, you guys already know that this is the program you want for you. So join it. If it feels right for you.

So click below and look up. Um, you can see all the details about the program below. If you have any questions, definitely send me an email at Annabelle at Annabelle, engleton. com. You'll see the link below. Um, but the, the, the sales page says everything, all the information that you need. There's frequently asked questions.

Everything that you need to know about the program is down below. It's a six month coaching program with weekly coaching calls. We're on, we're unrolling the program, all the curriculum live week to week to week. There isn't a curriculum that you're going to have full access to immediately. I'm going to enroll it live with you. So you guys are going to be the first ones to get the program. All the coaching calls are recorded.

They're on Thursdays at 1 PM PST. I'm in Southern California. Um, their weekly coaching calls, there's a private community. You have access to it for six months and you as the beta group, the first group, the first cohort, you get lifetime access to the program lifetime. You heard me right. If you join this program at this group, this group after enrollment closes, you get lifetime access to this program. You didn't.

Yes, I did. That isn't a mistake. You will have lifetime access. I always honor the people who join the program first and give them the benefit of lifetime access. So you have lifetime access to the calls, to the recordings, to the curriculum, everything. Okay. Um, I'm so excited to have you.

I can't wait to work with you and the program. Oh, I should start. I should explain when it starts. And so we start the 19th. I'm going to give you guys a week. We start Thursday, August 29th. That's when our first group coaching session is August 29th.

So I'm so excited. So excited to see you guys then please, uh, let me know if you have any questions, click below for all the details and I'll see you guys next week. Talk to you soon.