Take Heart

The Effort in Rest for Caregivers

• Sara Clime • Season 4 • Episode 150

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0:00 | 12:20

Finding rest as a caregiver can be just another thing on our to-do list, but it's a vital part of sustaining our long-term well-being. Host Sara Clime talks about the benefits of putting in the effort to make space for rest in our lives. Discover the 7 different types of rest and learn how to engage in restorative activities that suit your unique needs and lifestyle. From physical and mental rest to emotional and social rest, Sara offers tips and strategies to help you prioritize rest and find moments of rejuvenation.

Episode 150: November 21, 2023

Key Moments:
[0:42 ] Rest isn’t intuitive or easy to plan but we need to practice!
[4:11] No isn’t a dirty word
[6:14] Sensory rest
[8:19] Social rest: spend time with re-fueling people


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Find Sara at www.saraclime.com or on Instagram @saraclime

One type of social rest I have learned to do over the years is to surround myself with people who bring me joy or who make me wanna be a better person. And I have learned to let go of relationships that drain me or at least reduce the time I spend with people who's at my social battery. If it feels like more work to be around someone, I can make it a relationship that I participate in on an as-need basis. Welcome to Take Heart, a podcast about creating space for connection, hope and joy.

As a mom to a child with disabilities or special needs. We want you to feel connected and encouraged as we navigate this messy, emotional, joy-filled life together. Hi, I'm Sara Clime. You're listening to episode 150. Today, I'd like to talk about rest, specifically how rest isn't always natural, intuitive, nor does it always come easy. Rest takes effort. Now, I am far from being an expert at rest. I still struggle with rest, but I'm getting better.

It is much rarer for me to crash and burn anymore like I used to. I used to go, go until my body, mind and spirit would say enough. Now I say my mind, body and spirit needs rest because rest is about more than sleeping. There are seven different types of rest. Yes, you heard correctly. Seven: physical, mental, emotional, sensory, creative, social, and spiritual. Each type of rest usually takes action.

Either passive or active, setting aside time, energy, and sometimes even finances. And let's not diminish the fact that there isn't one correct way to engage in any of the types of rest. What works for me may not work for you and your lifestyle and vice versa. There isn't a blueprint for rest. Is it no wonder that when we attempt to simplify rest as taking a nap or getting a solid eight hours of sleep that we still wake up feeling exhausted?

Now, I don't find it surprising that we, especially as caregivers, surrender to the thought that one day in the distant, distant future, well, that will have to be good enough for us to rest. Our minds and bodies will not be ignored for long, though, when it comes to rest. If we don't willingly rest now, our bodies and minds will force it upon us. So the million dollar question is, how do we rest when we are low or empty on resources needed to rest?

How do we rest when time, energy, finances, and mental stamina are depleted? In my experience, rest takes creativity, intentionality, and practice. Yes, practice. Rest doesn't come naturally to everyone, nor does it always seem feasible. Getting eight hours of sleep just isn't in the cards for some of us. We have children who need us throughout the night, or perhaps you were in the baby stage of life. The most important thing to remember is that physical rest and sleep are completely different things. Sure, quality sleep is important, but we can physically rest through restorative activities like stretching, yoga, or well, if you can afford it and you like people touching you, a good massage is the type of rest. Mental rest is something I have had to implement little tips and tricks to help my mind slow down though. If something pops in my mind, nagging me to pay attention, it now goes into a task management system on my phone.

I will just know that I will get to it or prioritize it later or unless something's on fire, somebody is bleeding. I also have notepads, post-it notes and index cards all over my house. I have even placed dry erase markers in my bathroom so I can jot down a note in the mirror while I'm getting ready. I'll then take a picture and email it to myself. Perhaps mental rest is the opposite of a task management system for you. And that's okay. Like I said before, we are all different. Maybe your version of mental rest is simply learning how to say no to certain things. And it's not always simple, but saying no to certain things, be that another therapy for a period of time, volunteering, cleaning the house, PTA duties, making dinner one night, whatever, no isn't a dirty word, especially if it means you are taking care of yourself so you can be a better person to those around you. If nothing else, think about it like this.

Saying no sets an example for those that you love. Now, practicing emotional rest might be the hardest for us caregivers to engage in regularly, especially if you have a child with emotional or behavioral disabilities. So for now, let's just say to attain emotional rest, well, you may need to begin with being vulnerable or authentic with others. Being our truest selves with others just may help alleviate heightened emotions.

The next time someone asks how things are going or checks in to see how you are, just don't say fine or okay. Instead, give an honest answer. Now that doesn't mean you have to give them a 30 minute dissertation of everything that is contributing to your bad week. But don't brush off their question. Therefore not brushing off your truest emotions. And let's be honest. Sometimes I know I answer fine or okay. And I plaster on that smile because giving an honest answer is too emotionally draining. It's all I have. And if fine is all you have in the moment. There are other ways to rest and reset emotionally. You can meditate, just close your eyes for a few minutes, breathe deep, or like physical rest, do yoga or stretch for a few minutes. The best type of emotional rest I have found for me personally is to have consistent therapy sessions. These have become a non negotiable for me in our budget.

Because when my therapist asks, how has X, Y, or Z been for you lately? Well, she's going to get the truth and she's going to help me wade through it to the other side. She wants the details. I get to be my truest self with her without fear or judgment. Now, those of us who care for those with sensory issues understand what they need, but we often don't realize that we need sensory rest as well. Some of us are being touched all the time.

And sometimes we need to not be touched and that's okay. And as we established earlier, what works for one person may not work for the next. So it's important to try new things. With that said, I have found things like meditation, journaling, or standing outside with my face tipped up to the sunshine. Well, that provides multiple types of rest. And can I say that those are free too? Sometimes it is me going to the grocery store by myself and setting out in the parking lot for an extra 10 minutes because I know nobody is going to talk to me, nobody's going to touch me, nobody's going to need anything in those 10 minutes. Maybe you find a weighted blanket or a fidget toy of your own. That would provide sensory rest. A friend of mine gave me a smooth cross that fits perfectly in my hand. I have held it and rubbed it with my fingertips at times just to feel calmer. And I didn't realize it until I'd had it for quite a few months that it was my sensory toy.

But the point is to find what makes your body just seems to take a deep breath. Creative rest, well, that might be one of the most overlooked times of rest for caregivers. We are always brainstorming, putting out fires, and solving problems. So who has time to be creative? Unless it's trying to get insurance to pay for that last bill. But all of our get it done and find solution tasks, well, it makes it vital for us to find things that make us slow down and take note of the beauty this world has to offer.

Maybe your creative rest is to enjoy nature. Maybe it's reading or going to an art exhibit. Perhaps your creative rest is in the arts. It's painting, drawing. The key to creative rest is to set aside all agendas, whether it is a walk, a book, an exercise class, an exhibit or painting. Just participate without expectation of productivity or resolution. Do it for the sheer joy of it.

Okay, I feel like a broken record here, but social rest is difficult for caregivers. How many times can I say that one episode? One type of social rest I have learned to do over the years is to surround myself with people who bring me joy or who make me want to be a better person. And I have learned to let go of relationships that drain me, or at least reduce the time I spend with people who zap my social battery. If it feels like more work to be around someone, well, maybe I can't completely cut them out of my life. Nor do I want to.

But I can make it a relationship that I participate in on an as need basis. That doesn't mean that they are a bad person, nor does it mean that I'm a bad person. It just means our social battery needs a boost and they aren't the one to provide it. Everyone can't be everything to us, just as we can't be everything to everyone else. So whatever you do, find people who bring you joy and make you feel good about yourself. Spiritual rest. It is described as connecting with something greater than ourselves on a deeper level. The spiritual rest for me is being in scripture. Being in the word, acknowledging that God has a greater purpose in calling for each of us who choose salvation, well, that's how I spiritually rest. Again, it doesn't always come naturally or conveniently, but I know that being in the word consistently puts me in a better mental, emotional, and spiritual space. Now, sometimes I can't be in the Word. Sometimes I don't have a moment to sit down.

So maybe sometimes I just put on some worship music or I just set in peace with God. And all that being said, and being brought up Christian, I struggled greatly with spiritual rest after my son's diagnosis. And if I'm honest, I still do from time to time. It's natural and God understands that. But right after we received our son's diagnosis and for months afterwards, I felt nothing but spiritual unrest. I was angry, confused, fearful and I even felt betrayed and rejected by God. And when I think of finding or leaning into spiritual rest, actually, anytime I'm struggling with rest in general, I reflect upon Matthew 11: 28-30 (NIV), which says, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

These verses remind me that we will not be free from burdens on this earth, but with Jesus, our burdens become lighter because He will be right there with us. So if you're struggling with spiritual unrest, perhaps the best practice is just to set with Jesus and repeat those verses or other verses that resonate with you and ask Him to ease the burdens of your heart. As caregivers, our to-do list is never-ending. It is stressful and feels overwhelming.

And that is why we need to be intentional and allow ourselves the rest we need guilt-free. But whatever you do to rest in any way, no matter how creative you have to get to obtain that rest, just make sure it brings you joy. Rest should be restorative. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode. Do you struggle with one, several, or maybe it's all types of rest? Do you struggle to fit in rest just like it's another task on your to-do list?

What is one of the seven types of rest you can focus on over the next week? Even if it's only five minutes, set aside time every day this next week to engage in at least one type of rest. Practice it. Practice until you feel it becoming more natural to you. As always, we love your feedback and would love to hear from you. You can find us on Instagram at Take Heart Special Moms.

You can email us or leave us a comment on our website at www.takeheartspecialmoms.com. If you haven't had a chance to check out our book, you can find it at your favorite online retailers and you can find links to those retailers on our website at www.takeheartspecialmoms.com/books.