Ever wonder why we often shun the very thing that could bring us relief - healing? We're taking you on a transformative journey to uncover the truth behind this paradox in our latest podcast episode, where we dissect the reasons why we dodge healing, and how these barriers limit our personal growth. We're peeling back the layers of self-avoidance and distraction, aiding you to discover your innate power that has been stifled by pain. Join us as we journey back to the creation of Love Frequency, a beacon in my personal battle against loss, that has since morphed into a platform helping others metamorphose their heartache into fortitude.
We'll then divert our conversation towards the 70-20-10 model of learning, and its profound implications in our healing journey. We'll debunk the concept of intellectualizing as a distraction, and shed light on the importance of personal experiences, interactions with others, and novel experiences as catalysts for true growth and healing. This episode culminates in a discussion about embracing love as the ultimate answer to our woes, and how investing in oneself could open doors to your highest, freest, and unedited self. We're challenging you to take control of your healing journey, to find your power, and to share this journey, because at the end of the day, your story could be the lifeline someone else is desperately seeking.
Ever wonder why we often shun the very thing that could bring us relief - healing? We're taking you on a transformative journey to uncover the truth behind this paradox in our latest podcast episode, where we dissect the reasons why we dodge healing, and how these barriers limit our personal growth. We're peeling back the layers of self-avoidance and distraction, aiding you to discover your innate power that has been stifled by pain. Join us as we journey back to the creation of Love Frequency, a beacon in my personal battle against loss, that has since morphed into a platform helping others metamorphose their heartache into fortitude.
We'll then divert our conversation towards the 70-20-10 model of learning, and its profound implications in our healing journey. We'll debunk the concept of intellectualizing as a distraction, and shed light on the importance of personal experiences, interactions with others, and novel experiences as catalysts for true growth and healing. This episode culminates in a discussion about embracing love as the ultimate answer to our woes, and how investing in oneself could open doors to your highest, freest, and unedited self. We're challenging you to take control of your healing journey, to find your power, and to share this journey, because at the end of the day, your story could be the lifeline someone else is desperately seeking.
Why do we avoid healing? As I was thinking back on the creation of love frequency, it seemed to be the case that I had to go through what I thought was extreme loss to even start looking at myself, and while I am extremely thankful for moments where growth is possible, it's also a great opportunity to be reflective and ask ourselves why does it take pain and loss and sadness for us to fix our damn face? Why do we avoid healing? You are now tuning into love frequency where love grows. So let's go. It's our anniversary hey, anniversary, listen. Love frequency turns three years old today, and while we haven't been consistent with this, we ain't going to give up on this, because I will never give up on love. I think sometimes we need to take time for things to cultivate. You know, good wine takes years, and so in these moments of pause, I've been able to pull back and really look at the purpose and intention of love frequency. I do think what we have is a good thing here, but there was opportunity for expansion. So as we come back and celebrate three years, y'all we are also bringing a new format, new guests, new energy and new opportunity for us to connect virtually and in person, but we'll talk about all that a little bit later, but first for those who are new and for those who've been rocking with love frequency for a little bit now and maybe you've been rocking with us for the entire three years First I want to say thank you and I love you.
Speaker 1:
This podcast started because of a breakup. Yes, it sure did. I remember during this time I had reached out to a couple motherfucks for support you know, community, right but found that nobody had the time or that I didn't have the community I thought I had. I felt alone and defeated because I had let myself let another relationship define me as a motherfucking person. Listen, in the absence of community, I decided what many of us do I'm going to fix myself. I'm going to fix myself so I can stop going through this, right, because we always assume the problem is us. The timing was actually perfect, though, y'all, because we were well into the pandemic.
Speaker 1:
It was around that time where people were really forced to sit with their own shit, so all I could do was sit with my own shit, and all that time in isolation brought up a lot of pain, y'all, and I know some of you can relate. Some days, all I could do was cry. And on the days I couldn't cry anymore I don't know why, but I danced. I would play music and I would allow myself to just move. I would let the vibration feed me. It wasn't about how I looked doing the dance, but it was how I felt doing the dance. That became a consistent practice, so much so I started calling them soul breaks. And then I became brazen enough in this opinionated ass world to share those on social media. And other people were vibing too, and it was such a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1:
And during one of these soul breaks I remember something stopped me in mid-step and I had a thought that felt audible. What I heard was do everything with love or do nothing. If you do this simple thing, I will give you everything. Y'all. That shit was so real. I lost feeling in my legs and I fell to the ground and, of course, my good cryin ass. I was crying, but these were no longer tears of despair, sadness, regret. I felt free. I felt release. That was the day I realized I had been the cause of my pain because I created it. So if I am the creator, then I can change it. The Senate sounds beautiful and, in summary, it is that simple, but in action it can be so damn difficult when life throws the things at us that it throws at us. So I decided, because of all the dumb shit I've allowed myself to go through in my time on this earth, not only do I want to be, for those who may be listening, that community I needed when I was going through something. I want to be the person that has the time when no one had time, but I also want to let those who feel like they love hard but love hopelessly, who feel like they give their all when they have nothing left, I want you to know that there's a way out and up, but it starts within.
Speaker 1:
Shortly after I received what I call my greatest message from the universe, a friend of mine, sunflower Dubois, shared a post on Facebook that read I want to see you as your highest, most free, unedited self, and I felt that shit so deeply. I am that. I'm not the sum of my mistakes and failures, but that's how I was moving through life, like in quicksand. This time it was so different. I wanted more because I knew I was more, and that statement became my mantra. It is what my heart beats to. So love frequency was born and it was born as a conduit to help others process their pain into power. I could act surprised by the success of the podcast, by my rise and sudden loss on social media. If you don't know, someone stole my tiktok and I had grown quite an audience. But just as I did at the first time, I know I can do it again and I repeat if you do everything with love or do nothing, if you do this, I will give you everything. This has been why I will never quit.
Speaker 1:
So why do we avoid healing? I know sometimes people say I'm gonna share my two cents, but I know my worth. So instead I bring you thought water, and what that means to me is the idea that I am not on here to be right. I'm here to evoke thought, to support you taking these questions and these conversations that we're having and you going inward to explore yourself a little bit deeper. And a lot of times my thought water comes from experiences that I have been through, baby. Because I don't fail forward, I learn forward, and so I believe there are five reasons why we avoid healing.
Speaker 1:
The first one is self-avoidance when it comes to sitting with yourself and working on your shadows. For a lot of people, that sounds like sitting in a room just being sad and thinking about sad shit for no reason. No one gives you a step-by-step guide on what to do next, right? Nobody makes this easy. They just make it sound good. I can bring you all the quotes and good anecdotes and nice phrasings and manifestations, but that ain't gonna mean shit If you don't believe in yourself because you haven't had time to sit with yourself and nobody's provided you with an opportunity to know where to start. We are going to avoid what we feel like we can't control. The second reason, I believe, is distraction, and don't get the two confused. You can be working on yourself and actively trying to learn and grow and ascend and still distract your ass, but you can also be doing both. So while I don't think they're synonymous, I do think it's important to identify the distinction because, when layered, these five can make you the opposite of a positive transformer. What a destructicon. Self destructicon that's not a thing. I just made that thing up and we're going to use that. Don't be a self destructicon. So distraction Think about how many hours in a day we can be found mindlessly scrolling on somebody's social media app in somebody's shopping cart ordering food.
Speaker 1:
We know we don't really need researching yet another thing, downloading yet another app. We're really good, we are master distractors, and the world makes it easy to write it our fingertips. Sometimes we say, well, I've earned this, you know, had a long day and that's just how I distract, or that's how I connect with the world, or that's my only outlet. Now how dare you try to judge me and what I do? I can have a little harmless fun. I completely agree.
Speaker 1:
I think that there is space for creative distraction. They call it creative procrastination and I do think that that can be healthy and it's important to have those type of pauses. But how many of you are using them in moderation? How many of you know how to control that urge to open that app? How many of you can go on, do what you got to do and get on out? Or how many days do you find that you just lose time? You only meant to check one thing and two hours later, here we are down the rabbit hole.
Speaker 1:
I was thinking about it one day. If we spent one hour a day on our phones doing whatever tickles our fancy, maybe social media ain't your thing. I don't want you to feel left out. If you're listening to this feeling Well, I don't do social media, so this doesn't apply. Well, I'm so proud of you Then you are not a Decepticon. Distraction ain't your thing. But for many of us, an hour a day over the span of a year is 365 or so hours wasted. If you do the math, what could you do with an extra 15 days? And that's real lightweight, because I know for a lot of us it's not just our phones that are our biggest distraction. For us there's other things Substance abuse, binge watching TV shows and, even worse, some of us distract ourselves with love, no matter what our weapon of choice. I think in small doses it's absolutely fine. But when you look at all the time that is consumed in focusing on the external world, it's very clear we distract ourselves because we want to avoid ourselves.
Speaker 1:
Then we have number three access. For many years, access to mental health wasn't free or easy to get your hands on and in some communities, even still today, it's stigmatized. Go to know therapists, talk to some stranger about my problems, what I look like I got a TikTok to scroll on. It's the best therapy I've ever had. Those people understand me. And again, not saying that that is the wrong thing, but it's unfortunate that we don't have access and even though mental health services have expanded exponentially, there are apps and virtual platforms and so many organizations now that have been created out of this need, but not a lot of people know about it. And if you do know about it, do you trust it? So I think access to the resources that we need and the information on how to use those resources and the support and groups to ensure that we're consistent, because, let's be honest, many of us are living in environments that are not conducive to the changes we really wanna make. You don't know what you don't know, so then you don't get help, which I do think kinda lends itself to number four.
Speaker 1:
If we're not getting help and we're avoiding ourself when we're feeling those temporary moments of pleasure, we decide that access is the solution, and by excess I mean we think, because we can purchase temporary moments of happiness that that's the same thing as self care. We believe that seeking the approval of the external world will somehow fill us up, and each time we are still left craving something we can't seem to satisfy. I'ma let y'all sit with that for a little bit, because there's been a lot of times I've had conversations with beautiful, amazing people who said man, I work on myself. Girl, I went to the spa, I make sure I take myself out on dates. You know, normally I do further people, but yesterday I bought myself a dress and I think again, this ain't to subtract, baby. Everything you're doing is beautiful, but let's add to that how do you love yourself without spending money? See, consumers, don't give a damn whether y'all get better or not. I need you to understand that Many of these facilities make money because you're sick, so they're not wishing wellness. They want to find ways to make you a return customer.
Speaker 1:
Why do prescriptions treat the symptoms and not the condition? Let me repeat that. Why the prescriptions? Why all this medicine treats the symptoms of the condition, but not the condition. Baby, get with it.
Speaker 1:
So we have been tricked into believing that happiness and joy and healing is on the other side of a designer bag or a number of followers on the social platform, or status or money, or the type of car or the type of job. And for those of us who are climbing and achieving, why are we still hungry? And for those of us who don't have, what will change. When you get it, you will still be the same you so I do believe. The fourth reason is excess. We look to the external world to fill us up and because of that we will never be full. The fifth, and I think the hardest one to accept when we're talking about healing, is for those of us that thought we were doing it. We're doing the steps, we're reading the books, we are focusing more on ourselves. We decided not. To date, we've given ourselves these rules and guidelines and things to follow, and we're working really hard to be better. But what makes you believe that you're not already Great? See, it's those limiting beliefs that we have that make us turn to knowledge.
Speaker 1:
Intellectualizing is a form of distraction, baby. Sometimes many of us think that we are doing steps, but all we're doing is giving ourselves. It's like moving on a hamster wheel. You are moving, you are doing great things and not to take away from it, but all the books that I read as soon as I read them, I forget. What makes it so difficult for lessons to stick?
Speaker 1:
There's a quote by Edgar Dell that says we remember 10% of what we read, 20% what we hear, 30% what we see, 50% what we see and hear 70% what we discuss with others, 80% what we personally experience and 95% of what we teach others. So the best way I can break this down is the 70, 20, 10 model. Now, this model is used in learning and development, most often in business, and it describes the optimal source of learning, and I believe that's a lot of what we do here on the frequency as we explore these questions, so we can learn about ourselves just a little bit more. So for those of you who are saying, okay, night, it sounds all good and great, baby, but where do I start? Slow down, we're getting there, boo.
Speaker 1:
Now, as I said, this is typically used specifically for leaders in business, but I believe it's relevant to our healing, because there's so much information out there and it could be overwhelming. So what this model says is that 70% of what we learn is through personal experience, 20% is our interactions with others and 10% from formal education, teachings or trainings. So, if you think about it, listening to this podcast is just 10% of it, baby. So the other 20% is got to be interactions with others, and COVID has put us in a unique position where we have become comfortable isolating ourselves, but we don't know how to be alone with ourselves, and even some of us need a little bit of both. So interacting with others will help. Lessons that you're learning and things that you're learning stick, but only 20%. The rest that 70% baby comes from your personal experience. So you can't be afraid of having new experiences, going out there and living life. These things, this model, using it in this way, is how we approach healing.
Speaker 1:
On this show, tell the learning has been great for me and while I thought, just knowing what I was going through, or being able to Identify a phrase, or oh, that's what it's called. Or wow, there's a scientific study on this. Who knew, while that's great, that's not everything. There are other things that come with this healing. So, in celebration of three years on this podcast and love, frequency always being a vibration, a frequency, a Community, more than a podcast, we want to be a resource. We want to be able to give you access to information you may not be privy to, to tools and people and products that are free or affordable and accessible. We want to give you different ways of thinking about the same shit we go through every day.
Speaker 1:
The plan is to challenge you a little bit, baby, to push you a little bit. In addition to providing you with Resources that will help you learn and grow a little bit more about yourself, this should also be a space where you can share your story, where you can ask questions, and we will explore those things together in a safe space. We get raw, we get real, but the one thing we don't do is come here to insult or to poke, but challenge, baby. That's what I do. Think about the five ways that we avoid healing through self avoidance, distraction, access and intellectualizing, and tell me if you agree or disagree. This ain't about being right or wrong, but this is about opening up the conversation for dialogue, and that is another way we build community here.
Speaker 1:
How you can write into the show is submit your questions, your stories, anything that you've been thinking about when it comes to healing. I want to hear about it. You can inbox me on tiktok, instagram or Facebook, all under the handle love frequency, and that's L underscore VE Frequency. Or you can email the show at L V E F R E Q at gmailcom. That's love freak at gmailcom, spelled L VE F R E Q at gmailcom. But, as always, I will leave those links in the show notes, honey. So stay connected Because we're back.
Speaker 1:
Baby, my only request, my only question for you Is are you ready to be your highest, most free, unedited self? Hey, love, thank you so much for spending this time with me, for hanging out during our three year anniversary and For giving yourself a moment of pause, for investing in yourself just a little bit. Now, one thing that ain't never gonna change. If you know of just one person who is avoiding their own, if you know of just one person who is avoiding their healing and might benefit from hearing these words, please would you share it with them and that show others how to turn their pain into power. Because, baby, here at love frequency, we believe that love ain't the problem. You are, but that also means that you are the solution. Until next time, I love you.