Understanding Human Connections: A Candid Discussion

Hey Love! Are your relationships bringing you growth or grief? Are you setting boundaries or letting people trample over your space? Discover how to identify and nurture meaningful connections, set healthy boundaries, and cultivate personal growth. We'll explore the reason-based, seasonal, and lifetime relationships- understanding the unique value each one brings to our lives just in time for cuffing season. Because when you know... you grow! 

Question: How do you hold yourself accountable to the frequency you bring into your connections or do you always look for an excuse to explain away your bullshit?

Episode Resources: 

• What Are Friends For? A Reason, Season, or Lifetime
•  Reason, Season and a Lifetime-Poem

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• You can also support the show by providing a love offering if this message helps you in any way. All donations are used to keep L_ve Frequency growing! 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hey, love, how have you been? I know you're waiting on an update from my friend and let me tell you I've talked to her. She's doing wonderful, but y'all will never believe where this story is gonna take us. But before we get into that, I wanna talk about reason. Season lifetime. The first of fall is September 23rd, and making time to be reflective at the end of each season can be so important to your personal journey. It can show you where you've been and help you determine where you're growing or not, so let's talk about it.

Speaker 1: 0:44

Are now tuning into love frequency, where love grows, so let's go. Welcome, welcome, welcome to love frequency, the podcast that helps you transform your pain into power, and we do that through conversations that inspire an increased level of self-awareness. I'm your host, nia, and I've been told that I'm that friend that you need to talk to, but you don't wanna talk to often because it's a conversation you've been avoiding. So welcome, honey, and congratulations on finally choosing you. And thank you for choosing love frequency on whatever podcast platform you might be listening to me on. If you can go ahead and give us five stars, I appreciate it. It's free, takes a couple seconds, but what it does for others. It allows other people to see the show, it moves us up in ranking. We are here to do the work that we also desperately need, so go ahead. We are on Spotify, apple Music, deezer, Audible everywhere, pandora, ihr Radio, y'all. I could keep going. But wherever you might be listening, please make the time to give back, because when you know, you grow, and that's all we're trying to do here is help people grow.

Speaker 1: 2:20

Get into the story of the week Now. These stories are conversations that have inspired this week's episode, and I don't know if you're like me, but when patterns start to resurface, I start to pay attention. I am far less hard headed than I used to be, and now I'm very aware that when things show up in repeat form, I need to start paying attention, baby, because I'm on to my next level, my next phase of learning myself a little bit better. Recently, a few people from my past have resurfaced, and I don't know about you or if this has happened to you, but every time that happens, I'm far more intrigued by the way they resurface. It always seems to start with some sort of apology, followed by an explanation, but with no indication of personal self-reflection, just attempts to explain. It should've way. What's even crazier is that in both of these scenarios I'm about to run down for you the explanation they provided is one that they had already tried back then, and I'm wondering why they think that a year or more has passed, and I'll just forget the specifics.

Speaker 1: 3:38

Baby, you know what? Love frequency absolutely was born out of a breakup, but I have been collecting experiences leading up to this point. I was born to do this. I have experienced some very interesting encounters with people that have allowed me to grow and to be more reflective in a way that I never knew possible. But miss me with the bullshit. I've seen it and you've already tried it.

Speaker 1: 4:06

So what makes you think trying it again is gonna change the outcome? Moreover, what's the outcome? What are you hoping to gain from popping back up? What was your hope? My dear, if you've ever been in a connection with somebody where you fucked up and you had time to reflect, and then you come back and you wanna tell that person hey, man, listen, shit happened, my bad, I just wanted you to know that that's it. My question for you, respectfully, is how do you hold yourself accountable to the frequency that you bring into your connections, or do you always look for an excuse to explain away your bullshit. Oh yeah, we gonna talk about it today. Sit down, get comfortable, cause this thought water about to be real good ["Sweet Love"].

Speaker 1: 4:59

If you have a question for the Love Frequency podcast or a story you'd like to share, or if you wanna respond to some of the things that we're talking about here, come on, baby. I love to have open conversation and dialogue. Just know that that goes two ways. So if you getting ready to give, be ready to receive. In love.

Speaker 1: 5:19

Of course, you can go ahead and email those to lovefreak at gmailcom that's L-V-E-F-R-E-Q at gmailcom. Or go ahead and inbox me on social media. I am on TikTok, instagram and Facebook at L-V-E-Frequency that's L-Frequency. But as always, I'll leave this information in the show notes. And for those of you who just live in your left mind cause you can't get right, I'm not asking you to slide into my DMs, okay. I'm asking you to send me an inbox. It's like an email, right? Okay? So let's get into this thought water For this episode. It's gonna be real good. I also believe we're probably gonna go beyond the 15, 20 minutes. I try to wrap each episode. I do it for me. I'm not gonna lie. Trying to manage a podcast by yourself can be a very big task if you're not set up properly with the right systems. So I kept mine at a certain time because editing is a bitch. I've been getting feedback from folks saying they wish that I would give a little bit more. You might be right. So if you don't have a story to share or a question, go ahead and email the show or inbox me if you are also someone who wouldn't mind longer episodes Cause I'mma be honest, man, 30 minutes just me, but this episode might get there, cause I got a lot of shit on my mind. If you are new here, baby, thought water is the part of the episode where I share my thoughts on what I've been thinking. And here is that verbal ass whooping that you've been needing but avoiding but don't. Would love Know that my intention here is to see you be your highest, most free, unedited self and nothing more. So let's get into it.

Speaker 1: 7:22

Talking about reason season, lifetime and you know how we use that before Somebody comes into your life, don't work out the way it should, or something happens unexpectedly, and I think many of us have used this phrase to explain away shit. Let's take a different look at it. While some people come and go quickly from your life, others seem to stick around. The main idea behind this concept of reason season, lifetime is all about relationships, regardless of their length, having some sort of purpose. So let's break down this three-part theory. Reason is when a short-lived relationship brings you a benefit or helps you with a realization. It helps you with a specific difficulty you're facing, either intentionally or unintentionally. That's reason season. Now, this is when a relationship accompanies you through a certain period of your life. It lasts for some time and brings you joy and growth. You might learn a lot from this relationship, but it eventually ends. So that's season and lifetime. Well, this is a relationship that lasts a lifetime. Where did this idea come from? I'm not sure if a lot of you know but the origin of this phrase. This isn't a scientific study. This isn't a philosophical quandary. It was a poem. It was the line to a poem. Now the author of this poem has been debated, but I'm gonna read to you all this poem so it can give you kind of further history into where reason, season, lifetime, originated, and I want you to tell me how it makes you feel.

Speaker 1: 9:14

People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime when you figure out which you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a reason, it's usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They've come to assist you through a difficulty or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally and even spiritually. They may even seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for a reason. You need them to be Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or any inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, sometimes they just walk away, sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, the work is done, the prayer you sent up has been answered and now it's time to move on.

Speaker 1: 10:25

When people come into your life for a season, it's because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it's real, but only for a season. And, like spring turns to summer and summer to fall, the season eventually ends. Lifetime relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons, those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Speaker 1: 11:31

Let us sit with that, because number one, I do believe if most of us knew the origins of where this phrase came from, we would stop applying our own definitions and really pay attention to the rationale and the logic in this poem. I'm even gonna go on to say I've read and researched a lot of articles on this topic and most of them, if not all, approached this conversation from a one-sided perspective. And I really think if you read this poem, you could see that there are two sides happening at the same time. Two things can be true at the same time. Now, there is a strong linkage between connections and their importance on our mental and physical health, but many have used reason season, lifetime to explain a way loss. I believe this phrase can also be used to explain the cause and effect of the energy we bring into relationships. Now I'm gonna explain this by looking at three concepts from this poem through my own lived experience. So, baby, let's jump in. And so, reason-based connections. These are connections that present themselves to show us something within us that we need to take heed to. The poem essentially mentioned there is something that you have called out to the universe, to the higher power that you believe in, and then the answer arrives, but it's not gonna arrive in the way that we think it will. Right, let me explain to you what I mean.

Speaker 1: 13:08

I met this individual right around the time I was conceptualizing love frequency I don't believe I have started recording, and again, this is how long this was so I had been out of that very transformative breakup and knew that love frequency was the thing that was gonna come from that. That was the greatest lesson that I walked away with was understanding my frequency and connections. So I took the time that I thought I needed to be alone. And then what happens? You get tired of being alone, but not because you've actually healed or because you're doing better, you're just bored. Let's be real. You just want somebody to fill the void. Your nights are lonely, and for me, I'm not sure where the fear came from, but I think I guess I've always had a fear of being alone, and so I started to move with haste. And I remember this year vividly because at the top of the year I tried to talk to somebody, and that lasted for about two weeks, and then the next month, try to talk to somebody else, and that lasts about two weeks, and this person showed up probably in that third month where repeat pattern should have told me to stop, but stubbornness was like no, this is what dating's supposed to feel like. You're just going through the motions and just experimenting and then frequency will tell you when it's the right one. And while that might be a good way to go, it wasn't a good way to grow not for me. So I met this person on Facebook and I do believe I was drawn to their aesthetic and this person really drew me in with their conversation. Now I don't wait.

Speaker 1: 14:45

I think post that breakup that really changed things for me. I learned so much that there were just certain shit I wouldn't allow for myself and I'm not going to wait on nobody to hit on me. Reach out to me. I want what I want and I like what I like, so I'm going to do what I do. So I slid into DMs, but I think I believe my message was very harmless hey, like to get to know you. Yada, yada.

Speaker 1: 15:11

Very straightforward, and I can't remember exactly what the response was. But within that response there was a lot of fear and putting up walls and immediately just a block, and I sat with that for a little bit and it stirred my spirit so much that I remember making a video in response to that very awkward interaction and I also think I replied and said something like no, it's good. I can see that you answered with your fear. You got that Like that's all you. That should have been it. That should have been enough for me to say you know what this person has shown you, who they are, believed them the first time. Hardhead makes a soft ass and for anybody who has known me for any length of time, I am so good, if nothing more, at being stubborn. I gotta learn it. So I believe this person took a few days, reflected on what I had to say, and they were like you know what? You might have some truth to that, and so they were intrigued.

Speaker 1: 16:14

So, as one does, we exchange information, we start to talk, and talking led to FaceTime and we felt at that moment a connection. So it's like okay, getting to know somebody. Now I do know that there was a pattern in my life where I felt mad, convicted, and I don't know if anybody else felt this way. Where you get into one connection doesn't work out. So when you talk to the next person, it almost feels like you're repeating some of the same phrasings or the same thoughts and ideas. You know how many motherfuckers are you gonna sit with and say God, I feel like you're the one until they're not. So then when you get with the next one, you might say it again. But then on that third one, you're gonna maybe think it but not say it, and then just kind of see where it goes. Or then when you foolishly say it, you're like, oh, I feel so shitty, why I keep telling folks this. Let me just figure out who gonna act right before I start sharing pet names and enticements and shit. But no, I'm a lover of love and I know that. We exchanged conversations. We talked about potentially building, because they were an artist and I was thinking about doing this love frequency thing, and so of course there was a connection there. But the behavior was still standoffish. There was still like there was something I couldn't put my finger on, and every encounter and every interaction just made that more apparent.

Speaker 1: 17:37

Let's fast forward to the first time we met face to face Again. This happened so long ago. I'm speculating some of this, but I believe it was around my birthday. Something was happening. This person comes to visit and it's not really a planned visit, so it wasn't like we're gonna see each other, we're gonna spend from this day to this day and do these things so I can plan stuff. But it was also implied. So I'm thinking Friday, saturday, sunday maybe, and that also gave me some concern, like there's so much behavior that's happening that is concerning. But I'm also voicing those concerns. We'll get to the responses here in a minute, but I just wanna paint the picture. So rock with me.

Speaker 1: 18:18

So this person comes to visit very loose schedule. We hang out on Friday, we get ready to plan for Saturday, and then they start packing their shit up. I even made them a gift basket that had like travel goodies and stuff like that to make sure they were good on the road. And so they start packing up on Saturday and I'm perplexed. We didn't really talk about what you were doing. But now that you're here, you're just gonna bounce and you're gonna abruptly leave and not take the gift bag. You said to me oh no, no, I'll just leave it here and I'll pick it up on my way back. You're way back from where my ninja. You live all the way in the Southern States, I believe Georgia.

Speaker 1: 19:00

I'm at this time living in Indiana. Where are you going? Oh, to see a family member, the same family member. You told me that y'all are strange, y'all don't talk. Oh yeah, I just thought, since I was out here, it'd be a good time to try to rekindle. Now let's pause here for a moment.

Speaker 1: 19:18

Assuming good intent, this absolutely could be true. But the one thing that I think is very apparent is that in these situations, in these reason season lifetime connections, people don't look at the fact that there are two sides to every story. So your reason season lifetime may not be my reason season lifetime. We may have been brought into each other's lives for a specific intention, and it's up to us to define what that is. So this could have been your season to go see your family rekindle that connection. But you have no idea what I was going through, nor did you give a fuck.

Speaker 1: 20:03

So when this happened, my spidey senses started to tingle. I did not feel comfortable about it. I called it out and when this individual gave me what I felt was a half-assed answer, I remember them leaving my back door. I closed the door and locked the door, and I stopped responding to calls, text messages. At that point I was done D-O-N-E. But no love lost. I set a boundary for myself. It wasn't putting up a wall. It was, over time, having this feeling that I didn't trust that I should have trusted from the first interaction. I didn't listen. I decided to trust somebody else other than myself.

Speaker 1: 20:44

Another thing that was very telling and I think, was leading up to this inevitable end, and let's add to this, this is also a person that I was connected to who told me that they are dualed energy, which absolutely I receive, that I receive people where they are. If there's one thing that you gotta know about me, I'm not in the business of trying to judge folks. I have spent my whole life feeling like I've been judged and dismissed and discarded because people couldn't receive the human in me. And really the truth was I couldn't receive the human in me. But sitting in this space of loving myself so deeply, I love my idiosyncrasies. I love the things about me that people think are flaws. I love the things that people define as failures. I love me, but in that, I also respect the space that people move in. If you think you ain't shit baby, i'ma love you and receive you and your ain't shit energy, I am just gonna put boundaries around myself for me.

Speaker 1: 21:46

So there was a conversation where a dualed energy person says you know, my masculine energy is still very in love with my ex. My feminine energy is really drawn to you and I need you to know that I have enough for both and I want you to be a part of that. Much respect for presenting that, for being authentically who you are and for offering me the opportunity to make a choice, and in that conversation I shared that. Nothing about that makes me feel comfortable and I will never be second to anybody, ever. I don't care how you explain it, that is not for me for several different reasons. So when that person walked out of that door and I closed that door and locked it, that was it for me. And then, after their weekend was done and they went back down to where they were residing, which I again, I believe is Georgia. So you took what a seven hour trip. You made two stops, game, recognized, game, much respect.

Speaker 1: 22:49

I received several text messages back to back and they started out very kind and understanding and they eventually evolved into be very disrespectful, very mean hearted, so I blocked you. Then the messages move over to Facebook, lots of inbox messages, and this is where things got interesting, because threats started to come, so I blocked them on social media and then I continued on about my merry way. Now I realize what do they say? There's three parts to every story your side, my side, and the truth. What I can say is I have no issue with being 1,000.

Speaker 1: 23:28

And what I was going through? Number one and we talked about it I needed to learn how to trust my instincts. I should have walked away in the beginning, but I did not. Two for some of us, it is so hard to remove yourself from situations that make you uncomfortable, but we're suffering in silence by going through this discomfort. If I would implore you to explore that. And then three I needed to learn how to establish and maintain firm boundaries. That was the lesson. Being in love with someone, liking somebody, getting to know somebody that doesn't mean that you need to turn into a yes person. That doesn't mean that you need to be agreeable all the damn time. You need to have a backbone, baby, and learn how to stand up for your fucking self, or you're gonna continue to allow people to tell you whatever they want to tell you. So the question that I should have been asking myself back then was why do you feel like you have to prove to people why they should love you correctly. Stop explaining that shit.

Speaker 1: 24:28

My reflections on why this person reached out, which they did. They sent an email to my new email address, which lets me know that they're listening to the show, and I truly appreciate that. It was very important for me to share this message in this way, because my boundary is still very firm and it hasn't wavered, but I do think it's very important If you find yourself in a situation like this. Lack of accountability to others' feelings is something that maybe you might wanna take a look at Now. This person was going through their own shit. They had some stuff that was happening at that time but that had nothing to do with me. So, too, there's also lack of accountability to their personal actions, and probably because they were going through their own shit, but it's kinda selfish, right. So my question for you would be what did you learn about yourself from this interaction? The apologies and the revelations should really teach you more about yourself than trying to extend a presumptive apology to somebody else. What you're feeling, what you've been ruminating over, what you've been thinking about, that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you.

Speaker 1: 25:43

Reason-based connections. In summary, I believe there are four ways to identify if you've been in a reason-based connection or if you are in a reason-based connection. One they're short-lived, with early signs of concern. Trust your instincts. Two, there is a deep connection to these relationships to pending shadow work. Go back to the poem you all have presented to each other as a means for you to see something deeper within yourself. This was never about the relationship, it was about personal growth. Three, these connections rarely end ambitably. And four, this is often where repeat patterns resurface. If you feel like you've been in these types of connections before, what did Jamie Foxx say? I always fall for your type. Yes, baby, that's a reason-based connection.

Speaker 1: 26:42

So now that we've talked about reason-based connections, let's get into these seasonal connections. Now. These connections appear when we reach a pivotal moment in our personal journey and they're there to help propel us forward. I call it leveling up, and you know I have another example for y'all. So you think I would have learned from that previous example. But let's fast forward.

Speaker 1: 27:06

Maybe a year and a half after that, I get on TikTok. And it was truly a blessing in disguise, because I got on TikTok at a time when everybody was forced to have to sit with themselves, my presence on that platform blew up. I was almost at 100K followers and I had one shorty who reached out, gave me a little bit of energy. I wasn't used to that in that format. So I bit the bait and got bit back and right after that, embarrassment happened. It wasn't embarrassing, it really did. Again, another lesson that I don't wanna talk about. That one was an experiment, but right after that ended, this motherfucker shows up.

Speaker 1: 27:48

Now, if you have followed me on my old page or are following me on my new TikTok account, I have had this theme of being a lady and waiting, and what that means is, as I explained it in one of my videos I'm waiting for somebody to inhale my exhales because I'm tired of holding my breath and really, more definitively, what that represented for me is God damn. I have been through so many relationship ups and downs. I feel like I am the poster child for what the fuck not to do when it comes to being someone who identifies as I love harder. I'm a lover of lover. I love so big. No, baby, we love stupid. Let's just be honest.

Speaker 1: 28:34

I had gotten to this space of a deep level of understanding without practical application. I've said it before, the shit I say sometimes sound real good, but when you actually have to apply it, that's when the struggle happens. So I'm expecting and it has always been this vision of mine that being a lady and waiting meant that when the right frequency connected with mine, there wasn't gonna be a lot of trepidation and maybe we gotta see and let's move slow. And my masculine energy, like someone else, my feminine energy, likes you A motherfucker, was just gonna see me and go you. I know it's you. That was very presumptive on my part, but I will admit that this person showed up in that energy and they started out just sending me a message on TikTok and thanking me that my videos have really helped them when they were going through a very pivotal moment in their life and it was transformative for them. This person also, mind you, is very poetic in their dialogue and how they move, and y'all know me, my former poetry name was I see in poetry, because that was a truth, that was an affirmation.

Speaker 1: 29:44

I moved life like this. We're friends outside of this here podcast. Y'all know this isn't just the act I put on, this is me and all of my learning experiences, oh gosh. So this person reached out and from that one conversation it kind of catapulted into a lot of beautiful interactions, but nothing that indicated they were trying to hit on me directly but overtly. So I started becoming smitten a little bit and reaching out a little bit more and showing shared interest. Now, mind you, this was on the backs of. For some reason, this person shows up always the day after I end something with someone. So the first time, um, I thought and I was gonna engage. And then I decided to do some research, as one does on social media, and I go to their profile and I see a recent post that they shared of them and their girlfriend Not just girlfriend, but they have children together. They have family Christmas pictures and this is a home a home. I'm not the one.

Speaker 1: 30:55

Matter of fact, what makes some of y'all motherfuckers think that love frequency is a joke, like the fact that I come on this platform to talk about love? Did y'all think that y'all will exempt from this conversation? I hope not. I really hope not, because some of y'all don't move with the sense that God gave you. You knew I was gonna talk about it. You show your ass, you come to try to hit on me and now I'm furious how it's ego talking. How dare you come and talk to me? You know what I'm about. You know how I'm trying to move and I thought out of anybody you would understand me because you speak in poetry like I do. We're of a different, creative mindset. No, girl, that was the ignorance talking. That was that I'm a lover of love talking. This is those hard lessons for your ass.

Speaker 1: 31:41

So I politely reached back out and told her to respectfully stop fucking contacting me. How dare you you have an entire family and I have been the woman who has been on the other side of thinking that they're in some connection. That's not real, cause you're out here entertaining shit, cause you don't feel full, so you need other motherfuckers to give you that. No, no, ma'am, wrong one. I did it that as soon as I found out. So I would say our first connection maybe lasted five days, because, no, I just went through a interesting experience with another person and now you miss me. Then I started talking to someone else and me and this person talked for about eight or nine months and I have nothing bad to say about this human. It was two great people who connected, but possibly at the wrong time, or two people who were looking for two different things, but I don't feel there was love lost in that connection, but it just didn't grow. As soon as that connection ended, y'all, the very next day, this motherfucker show back up again. But when they showed up this time I felt like something was different, or maybe it's because I saw what I wanted to see. That's hindsight bias. It's unfair of me to say that I really did believe that this person has showed up twice in my life, and both at times when my frequency is open Cause, as y'all remember, if we're gonna go back to the relaunch episode, only broken people go through breakups. Really, that loss that I experienced, that really created love frequency, was a huge gain because this has been one of the most transformative things I've ever done for myself in my life, and so many of you all who listen share with me how transformative these conversations are for you. I've had and have met some great people through this. So I really thought, wow, this is also a pattern. You've come back twice. Now we're talking on the phone, we have more conversations. Our conversations are fruitful and really excited and ignorant y'all.

Speaker 1: 33:47

I went to work one day and said y'all, I'm going on my first last date. I uttered those damn words With a person who I had one rocky encounter with and I was only on probably week two or three of this new reconnection. So I planned a glamping trip. I found a beautiful outdoor tent that had all the setup. I made a Shakuturi board. I knew their favorite candy and they travel a lot for their work, or they used to. So I mean I went all out. Because, again, lady in waiting doesn't mean once you meet them you move with hesitation. It means I am a person who is open. My personal goal is to be my highest, most free, unedited fucking self, and that also means with love. I'm not moving with caution, I'm moving with awareness but openness. So I did the thing set the tent up, got there early, decorated. She showed up and we had a really good time. The frequency was magnetic, if I'm being honest. But things that I noticed while I was there.

Speaker 1: 34:51

Now, I made the Shakuturi board in front of this person so we could do it together. They didn't need anything. They were constantly on their phone and it almost felt like they wanted to be out of dodge, out of the way they didn't wanna be in any place where they could be identified. So again, my fucking Spidey sense is start to tingle and something's not right. We were supposed to glamp, which is sleep overnight. No, this motherfucker, in my opinion, made an excuse to leave and left. What they told me was oh my kids keep calling. Oh it's the kids again. Oh it's family. Oh it's my kids Bullshit Again y'all.

Speaker 1: 35:31

I've been through this before. I have been played by some of the world's greatest champions. Even We'll get to those stories one day. But, mm and let's assume positive intent, let's assume that that's absolutely what was taking place. If that was the case, then we plan things differently. You communicate differently, but you're sneak looking at these messages and then when you notice that I'm noticing, that's when you're speaking up. It just ain't that nut partner. So you leave. You leave me in that fucking tent and I'm too tired to drive back home. So I stay overnight and I think to myself girl, you're so stupid Again, why do you keep getting played by frauds? What is it about me that keeps attracting this Breathe?

Speaker 1: 36:19

The other thing, just if anybody's thinking about glamping and I'll see if they still have that Airbnb posted, if you're in the Georgia area. I would recommend this place. I think they were very accommodating and, as awkward as it sounds, yo, it was in somebody's backyard but it was so beautiful. But when you're going to be outside in Georgia in a tent all day it's hot, bring water and know that you're going to be tired the next day, I didn't know. But yeah, I slept there, I enjoyed it, I made the most of it, I meditated, I danced, I ate my Shakutiri. I had a great time and I packed my shit up and I left and I told myself I'm fucking done with this person.

Speaker 1: 36:59

What was far more interesting than all of the weird things that were happening while we were there was she ghosted me Right after that date, I think. She went MIA for four, five days it could have even been two weeks, as quiet as it's kept and as bold as it's told. I did a whole TikTok about it. Hell yeah, two truths, one lie. And we went live and during that live, she popped up and wanted to explain it. And again, as I said, it always seems to be the case that when something like this happens, there's always some story or tragedy followed by explaining it away, but no concern or consideration for the other person's feelings. See, there's two sides to every situation.

Speaker 1: 37:44

After that interaction, I think it was clear to me that, even though this person, I believe, may have great energy, they may be a wonderful person, I can confidently say that I have no idea who this human is. I think they presented a version of themselves. You know, I believe we're all Rubik's cubes and I got to see one side of that cube and unfortunately it was a side that just didn't marry or gel or vibe. With what reason? Season or lifetime? I was in Selfishly, this person was only thinking about themselves, and that theme didn't change when they decided to send me an inbox message a couple of weeks ago. It was still very self-absorbed and there wasn't apology, but the apology lacked accountability and true, genuine self-reflection. It just sounded like somebody trying to explain something away.

Speaker 1: 38:37

So, as I sit in reflection of seasonal connections, what was I growing through? Everything that feels good ain't good for you. That was my repeat pattern and for some reason I was just so ignorant to the truth that was right in front of my face. So again, here's another lesson for Naya in setting boundaries. But not just setting boundaries, but setting boundaries and not wavering. This was the same advice I gave to my friend last week, and you wonder why. And then three. I really gotta learn to trust myself again. I really did think that this was gonna be my first, last date, but why would I think that? Fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. Fold me three times. Get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1: 39:24

Now my reflections on Possibly what she could be going through. The situations change, but the story is really largely the same lack of accountability to other people's feelings, lack of accountability to their personal actions. Losing access to me was the lesson. You finding my videos, whatever video that you received, that helped you get through what you were growing through. That was it.

Speaker 1: 39:52

What is most reflective, though this should have been a seasonal connection, and it ended up being a reason-based connection, all because when my spirit told me what it was, I didn't listen, poof. So you got to learn it the hard way. So it won't be a third time, but I do find it so interesting having these folks resurface and Not once them thinking. I wonder how this has impacted her, if it impacted her, because let me tell you this too both of those messages implied that Whatever they did hurt me or cause me to be withdrawn or pulled back. That can't be furthest from the truth. So let's recap seasonal connections Now. These connections often feel familiar and are deeply rooted in just a short amount of time. Because of this, they seem to organically flow and evolve naturally, but with resistance. Three, there are roadblocks and fears that begin to surface, that cause this friction and eventually distance and for separation is inevitable.

Speaker 1: 41:10

Now let's talk about Lifetime connections. I feel like these are those connections that, no matter how long they last, they will always have a lasting impact on your life. And this is where I feel like my view differs the most from the poem. I think the poem talked about an individual Assessing relationships from their perspective. I think that that misses a great opportunity, because it takes two people to be in a connection, whether that's friendship, relationship, family, colleagues at work, any scenario you can think of, it's you and someone else or a group of someone else's. So I will say, when it comes to lifetime connections, sometimes they could last a few days and sometimes they can last a few weeks, but they change how we feel about ourselves and Ultimately can be a great catalyst for shifts that we need to take now. I'm not saying that lifetime connections change you, because you still have a choice to be the same. Something that should have been a potential lifetime connection can end up being seasonal or reason-based, based on the decisions we make.

Speaker 1: 42:19

But a few things I know about me. I know that when people connect with me, especially if we've connected in a Intimate setting, in a more relationship based connection, you will never be the same. And I'm not saying this because I think I'm prettier than others, or I think my love is better than anybody, or I'm trying to compare myself to folks. I am not the prettiest, I am not perfect. I got shit all of us do but I know my love is Elevating. I know that I house the frequency to create safe spaces that make you first feel uncomfortable and then feel safest fuck. I know that it is difficult to engage in a connection with somebody who moves like that and not believe that it wasn't meant to be. How many people do you know that you rock with, who believe in you, believe in love, push you to be your best, accept and receive you where the fuck you are, without judgment, open themselves up vulnerably?

Speaker 1: 43:17

Each situation I've been through, these two and others they Consistently show me a little bit more about myself and help me gain a deeper level of awareness. That was the gift. It was never about them. So from this, although I believe that the first connection was reason-based and the second connection Should have been a seasonal connection, that ended up being reason-based For me. In both of these connections I leveled up. I love myself, and no self-respecting person volunteers for bullshit. So know the frequency you bring to connections. If you got a whole bunch of baggage, why would you want somebody to carry that? That's for you to deal with.

Speaker 1: 44:05

Learn to ask the right questions to before presupposing what you're feeling might be what you aren't facing, it may have nothing to do with the other person. It's time to level up. Y'all know that loss and knowing when to let go. That is the lesson. Sometimes people leave your life for various reasons and while some people may use this as an excuse to explain away in action, I think it's the perfect opportunity to be reflective. Ask the right questions first. Introspectively, this Apology has nothing to do with me and it's everything to do with you. You still ain't sitting with yourself, but for me, this is where the pattern stops.

Speaker 1: 44:48

In thinking about what lifetime lesson could both of these people, these humans, these beautiful energies learned from Our time connecting. I don't care, and I don't say that heartlessly. I say that with all the love in my soul. We want so badly to direct blame instead of seeing the value in the interaction. Nothing more, nothing less. If it would not for the time I took to pause and reflect about these connections, love frequency would have never been conceptualized and I wouldn't have the opportunity to connect with you all. If it were not for these interactions, I wouldn't have learned the value of Getting what I give and accepting nothing less. And if it were not for myself Making time to understand the value of loss, then I might be sitting around believing that something was wrong with me, that I was unlovable. My lifetime connections have shown me who I am and in each phase, every time this happens to you too because I know I ain't the only one you are being presented with a reflection of yourself what you gonna do with that information. So when we think about lifetime connections, the impact is more important than the length of time. Those connections are a catalyst for the changes that you need to be making in your life. It's also important, with lifetime connections, to understand the importance of letting go let go of trying to control the outcomes.

Speaker 1: 46:30

In reflection, I do think that there is some significance to reason, season lifetime, knowing that this theory came from a poem, but a poem that really truly breaks down how to look at friendships or relationships from an individualistic perspective. Reason are those connections that are meant to help us face shadows I believe that we're avoiding. Seasonal connections are those pivotal moments where we're about to level up, and Lifetime connections are those that, no matter the length, it's the lesson that is the most relevant and the most important In the two examples that I provided, although they both ended up being reason-based connections, I do hope that they are listening. I do hope that they know, with all the love in my heart, this wasn't intended to burn, but to grow. I believe when you know, you grow, and the one Disadvantage that both of these parties have had is, since they weren't asking the right questions, they're coming into this conversation only seeing things from one side. So, with that, the lifetime lessons that I have learned from every connection I have ever been in has only served to help me learn myself a little bit better, be reflective, realize that in every loss there is a lesson, and sometimes the lesson is one of accountability. So know the energy you bring into the connections that you're in.

Speaker 1: 48:10

What is your ROI? What is the other person receiving by investing in connecting with you? Or are you somebody who just tends to leave people bankrupt the next steps? Well, what would you do with this information? Will you use it to make some necessary changes, to turn reasons and seasons into lifetime lessons, or will you ignore this message and the message is the universe is sending you and continue to repeat the same patterns? I Don't think reaching out to your past is always a solution. Sometimes you got to start with right now.

Speaker 1: 49:02

Hey, love, I want to thank you so much for hanging out with me today. I love our talks. I do. We should do this more often, you know. Hang out and talk about things we've been feeling. If you like it, let's meet here again next Sunday and do this damn thing. Don't forget, give us five stars.

Speaker 1: 49:19

If you like what you heard on any podcast platform that you may be listening to, go ahead and rank us. Listen, send your questions in, send your stories in. If you have a response to this episode, I'd love to hear it. You can email me or send me a message on social media and I'll leave the instructions in the show notes. I'm also excited tune in next week cuz we're gonna finish up. I do have to give y'all that update on my friend. Y'all I we thought it was one question and and this it's not she got that juice, I guess. Listen, honey, but also share this with one person who you know, who needs to be accountable To the shit that they bring into connection so that they can be better for themselves. Because here, on the frequency when you know you grow Until next time, I love you, but you really got to start sitting with you.