The Gentlemen Project Podcast
Bi-weekly podcast highlighting impactful stories of parents and what they do to be successful at home and at work. Helping you turn the time you have with your kids into time well spent helping them learn the most important lessons in life. The Gentlemen Project Podcast is hosted by Kirk Chugg and Cory Moore-friends who are passionate about fatherhood and raising the next generation of great kids.
The Gentlemen Project Podcast
"Control the Controllable" with Parent Advocate Janae Moss
Janae Moss has years of experience connecting parents to resources. Through her own personal experience Janae saw the need to make parents aware of programs and drive them to make the changes to better their world. Janae brings decades of experience of building businesses and a drive to constantly keep learning to being a mother to seven children. Janae talks about building relationships between grandparents and children, the role they play in the development of their grandchildren and the importance of play in parenting. We are excited to introduce you to the parenting powerhouse who is Janae Moss.
Make it a great Week!
Kirk Chugg and Cory Moore
Check out the show on any of your favorite platforms and give us a like and follow if you like our content!
Apple Podcasts
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-gentlemen-project-podcast/id1536669294
Audible
https://www.audible.com/pd/The-Gentlemen-Project-Podcast-Podcast/B08LG4HBLR?action_code=ASSGB149080119000H&share_location=pdp
Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/6a91bd19-279b-41f5-bab2-b2cecfed7beb/the-gentlemen-project-podcast
Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/thegentlemenprojectpodcast
Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/thegentlemenprojectpodcast/
Twitter
https://twitter.com/gentprojectpod?lang=en
LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-gentlemen-project-podcast
Welcome to the Gentlemen Project Podcast. I'm Cory Moore.
Kirk Chugg:And I'm Kirk Chugg. Today we have Janae Moss on the program. Janae is an old friend of mine, we've done a lot of things together in the parenting space, she was kind enough once to invite me to be part of a cohort of people being trained on protective factors for children. And that's really where I got to know her. And we'd love to talk a little bit more about that. But she's also a powerhouse in business. She's the power behind many successful businesses. She and her husband, Jon owns one of the largest privately held janitorial service companies in the state of Utah. And they've been doing that now for like 17 years, and always looking at something new and big. And we thought, we've got to have Janae on because she's been in this space, neck deep at times, and just trying to make a difference for parents. So welcome to the program this morning. Janae. Thanks for joining us.
Janae Moss:Thank you. I'm excited to be here.
Kirk Chugg:Now. Full disclosure. Jon is in the studio as well. So we have a husband and wife duo today. And so Jon, you may hear Jonnover in the corner, agreeing or disagreeing?
Janae Moss:Absolutely.
Kirk Chugg:But it's awesome. They're a great couple. So Janae, tell us a little bit about your background, as a parent, as an executive. And as someone who's involved in the charity work that you're doing.
Janae Moss:Yes, thank you as a quick overview, I'd say you know, there's there's different buckets in my life that I like to think of one of them is business, I've been building businesses with my husband since I was 17, almost 18 when I met him a long time ago. And so that's one side, we've been building business for a long time together. Of course, I'm mother parent, I have seven children, one stepdaughter five more biological daughters, and then we adopted a little boy at the end. And I like to think of myself as a student, I went back to school, I'm in getting my master's degree right now in sport performance psychology. So that's another aspect of my life. I'm also very involved in the community, starting with United Way, a long time ago, because I came out of a need of wanting to be involved myself, but grew much bigger than that. And then it extended into supporting more things that I really believe in different boards and committees that I like to serve on Currently, the chair of the Utah County Chamber of Commerce, and some other fun things that just take my time, I love it.
Cory Moore:You have to be so busy, I mean that I got worn out, just listening to those different areas.
Kirk Chugg:You could have stopped after seven kids.
Cory Moore:So I think my off the cuff question for you is, you know, the balance, and I have 1000 questions, actually. But maybe the first one is so you know, how do you do it? I'm guessing there's no television in your world or, or a lot of downtime?
Janae Moss:My first answer would be I don't do it all. I have people around me that helped me do everything that I do. Starting with my husband, john, he supports me in my wild, crazy ideas as well as I try to support him. My family and my kids have gotten real flexible with the schedule and as well as other people my life that just join in and support to help me do the things that I do. So I could never take credit. Second, I would say, I don't really believe in balance, I think it's kind of you can never achieve balance. So I like to think of it as harmony. I'm a music person. So I like to think of his tuning instruments, you know, sometimes something sharp or flat. But each day we take a look at it, try to tune it up and make it work for that day and create the best music we can.
Cory Moore:I love that it's beautiful. We've heard Times and Seasons before, right instead of balance that's kind of similar to that like what what needs attention what needs tuning that's that's a good way to put it.
Kirk Chugg:Janae Would you talk to us a little bit about how you got involved with the United Way? A long time ago.
Janae Moss:Yeah. So as I mentioned, I met john I went to Vcc in Provo at the time and I was 17 almost 18 and I remember Jon asking if I was legal when he wanted to take me out on a date. And he walked up to me and said hey, do you want to go waterskiing? That was the first thing I ever said he ever said to me and I said sure what's your name? Literally we've never looked back so so we started out together we I helped him build his landscaping business however I could organizing receipts picking up a shovel he taught me how to drive the backhoe all kinds of things. We'd go to trade shows and I would write poster boards with black magic marker about you know, JR Landscaping and we'd we put it up because we didn't have money at the time for proper signs. So it worked for us and we dated for almost four years and we're married and really quick At the beginning of our marriage, john got a misfilled prescription from the pharmacy. So it was opposite what are you supposed to get but triple the dose. So really quick, it turned our lives upside down and made him sick, of course. And we learned a lot of awesome lessons right from the beginning. Just about building and, and having life not look quite like you thought it would he, he started building his landscaping business at age eight. So he'd always worked on it. And we had to just kind of rethink how to do things. We had bill collectors at our doorstep, and just waiting to try to get money out of us that we didn't have at the time. And it was, it was one of those things you never hope that happens in your life. But looking back now we realize that it totally changed the direction of who we are and what we want to do, because we experienced loss of what we thought we wanted in the first place and learning to rebuild. So I'm grateful for that. I remember somebody saying to us, you know, someday you'll be grateful that you kind of went through this. And I'm, I call them crazy. Yeah. But now, you know, that's why you asked, Why did I get involved with United Way? It's because later down the road, about four years later, I had a friend that moved in next door, and she said, Janae, I found this program online, and they help connect parents to resources that they need in the community. And I was really excited about that most people might not hear that might hear that and not be really that excited. But that hit me right in the gut. Because I thought I remember when I needed resources in the community, I didn't know where to go. This is pre internet, by the way. I remember calling ask a nurse and getting food, food stamps and things like that. And so when it was time, I was really excited to learn how to connect parents to resources.
Kirk Chugg:And you did that first through the United Way.
Janae Moss:Yeah, United Way I started serving there, I learned from my friend Barbara Leavitt, about how to do that to start serving. And I remember I used to think someday when I'm successful, I'll serve you know, when I have money I'll serve when I have this I'll serve. But what I realized through being involved with United Way that Jon and I became successful through serving and through thinking about others, we made awesome connections with other people that were on the board or other people at service projects that we were excited to meet and wanted to live like and emulate how they how they served and showed up in the world.
Cory Moore:You know, knowing you and Jon for a while. Always I'm impressed by what I would call like humble down to earth you are and then but so entrepreneurial, and hardworking and successful. And I always am impressed by that. And it sounds like I'm starting to understand a little bit of the background story of the why behind that. Which is awesome and impressive. I think my next question is, you know, you've you learn these hard life lessons. Sounds like Jon was an entrepreneur at eight, but how do you start to give your kids some of that knowledge, some of that those aha moments you've had? How do you? How have you guys tried to impart some of that and teach them some of the things that you learned the hard way, and they're gonna have to learn things the hard way, too. But talk to us a little bit about that.
Janae Moss:Yeah, it's funny as our kids are moving out now and several the older ones, we only have two at home right now, which is really weird for us. But my older kids, our older kids have they as they've gone out into the world, and they started, you know, they've had different job interviews are done different things. They realize how much they already know that they were learning all along the way that they didn't realize they were learning. And so I really think if you're an entrepreneur at heart, and that is how you wake up and show up every day. And maybe you don't sleep through the night because you're an entrepreneur at heart. Your kids see that and they absorb it. Yes, I think it's good to be intentional, you know about the things you want to teach, but a lot of it is just our kids see and feel what we do. And if that's who you are, it becomes part of them.
Cory Moore:So I have another question. Yeah, I'm ready. So the other thing that I hit me was okay, well, why the adopted last child? Where did that come from? What was the decision and you know, give us the why.
Janae Moss:Yeah, that's a that's a cool story in and of itself, but I grew up with three brothers and one little sister and I always wanted the chance to raise a son. I always thought I'd have all boys actually prayed to have all boys because I had cousins that were a family of three sisters and I thought what could happen with all girl dynamics and I want to boys I just want all boys and so you know how life turns out. I you know, I had a stepdaughter right from the beginning which I don't consider step she was 11 months old and I met her so she's just mine. And as well as many other people that love her but and then it girl and then another girl and another girl and what another girl and then like girl number five that I had. I remember thinking, I want to make sure I want to baby and not just because I want a boy. And sure it was a girl. And I remember I knelt down one day, I was just fixated on this boy thing and and I knelt down one day instead of prayer, and I just said, if there's a little boy out there that needs a home, drop them on our doorstep, and we'll take him and if not, please help me get this out of my head. We have a lot of beautiful kids. And we're, we're plenty busy. And I let it go. And I had a feeling the tell a friend about just this desire, that day, he was at our house, or a few days later, I think. And I said, Hey, Jared, you know, if you ever come across a little boy who works at a hospital that might need a home, we'd be open to maybe adopting him, Jon's adopted. So we always felt like another cool way to give back. And he said, All right, you know, he didn't have any idea what that might mean. But about two years later, he texts me, he said, schmo, that's my nickname that he gave me Actually, I have your little boy. And it was just we were just shocked. That was a Thursday night. And by Tuesday morning, he was in our house. So it was it was amazing. Yeah.
Cory Moore:Wow. Yeah. How old? is he now? 12. Wow, yeah.
Janae Moss:Little entrepreneurial boy that sets up His little computer, fake computer in my storage room and has meetings and hires his friends.
Cory Moore:Yeah, Learning by example.
Kirk Chugg:Awesome. And you've got a daughter who just recently got pretty cool position with the Raiders.
Janae Moss:Yeah, she's a Raiderette, she's ready to perform live for the pregame show on the 14th I believe it is. So we're so excited to go cheer for her not on you know, she's been practicing on zoom.
Kirk Chugg:Yeah. And you've supported her and dance for years and years and years. And if you follow Janae, on any type of social media, you know, she's got some dance moves. She can keep up with Whitney. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. She's like one of those TikTok moms that's like better than their daughter. She's a fun, she's a fun mom.
Janae Moss:If you like the running man than I am your gal.
Kirk Chugg:That's awesome. So you, you're working on a project right now called humans driving change. Tell us a little bit about that.
Janae Moss:Yeah, what I saw from working in United Way and in the community is that nothing would change until there was a grassroots parent movement. And Barbara taught me this, that parents need to come together and decide that nothing is going to change. If we just wait for it to change, we can't wait for government to fix problems around us. We can't wait for a church. We can't wait for businesses to fix problems worse, we have to take ownership and do something ourselves. And she taught me that for years and years until about seven years, I realized, I think she's talking to me, it's kind of this awful realization that she kind of was waiting for me to respond to her. And long story short, I did, she started bringing me to national helped me grow conferences, and she said this is my parent champion, quote, unquote, they didn't even have a parent champion in the organization setup. So I started bringing parents together into groups and just letting them talk, what I realized is that parents just want connection. And more than that, they just want resources of things they can do with their kids. So one of the biggest questions I heard was, what's a fun free thing I can do in the summer with my kids. And I would compare that to the things I was hearing on the border of the United Way, where we thought people would say, we need to get them, you know, this much money for this, we need to build this huge thing for the parents and, and it was just not connecting what the parents were actually asking for, and what people are trying to throw money at and solve in all different areas that I've been in, we're not lining up. And so it became important to me to start gathering parents. And this was at the same time the state of Utah wanted to have parent leadership strengthened. And so they say is actually dcfs view top leadership said today, if you'll start gathering, these groups of parents will support you and provide the dinners and things like that so that parents can come together and talk. And through that process that was several years in the making and learning. What I learned is that parents, parents know what they need, they just don't know how to get connected to create the change. And so together with the parents, we developed a system-a way to meet together that really made a difference. And part of that system was to bring in six pillars of the community. And I like to, as I like to call them business education, faith based groups, government health and wellness & nonprofit. And if we can get a representation from each of those pillars, we have them come in, they say their name, who they are and what they can offer in five minutes. Each one of those people can take an hour to talk. We just have them introduce themselves, then they sit down with the parents. And then we have real conversation with people that can help them make that change. So for example, we used it at UVU for the The Autism Center there. And the parents loved this interaction so much that they stayed two hours after the meeting ended. Because somebody was sitting at the table from UVU, they could ask a question to or the head of a person at Walmart that helped with autism there it was sitting at the table, or one of the leads of the LDS church was sitting in help, you know, so they could get right to the people and answer the questions. So that's where Kirk and I kind of came in contact in the first place. I was working on that.
Kirk Chugg:Yeah, yeah. That was the social connections is one of the five pillars. Yeah, Strengthening Families. And she, you were really good at that. And then through that social connection, you provide the education for concrete support in times of need, and the education for yourself and for your kids. And the resilience to keep going when it gets tough. So always respected the work that you've been involved with. Thank you there. So what's the What does it look like today?
Janae Moss:Yeah, well, since then, we were chasing groups all over the state. I mean, and Barbara, and I, you know, she's, she's older than I am. And we're all busy. We have kids that need us. And, and after several years, I just said, Barbara, we need to start writing curriculum, because we can't be everywhere. So we've been writing curriculum for I think, almost four years now. We're done as of like, this month, and it didn't take us four years to write other than work. It's in our quote, unquote, free time. So we're finally wrapping that up. And we're able to start selling it online to organizations to learn to work with parents, and to involve them into the organization, as well as will teach parents in in different ways. But that's, that's what I'm focused on right now.
Kirk Chugg:Can you tell people how to get to that where they can see this or buy it?
Janae Moss:Yeah, it's humansdrivingchange.com is the name of the organization. It originally was parent advocacy Council, but that was too generic. For me, I wanted something that people could visualize. So I actually did start taking people on a bus, united, United Way, let me use their bus. And I called it you know, humans driving, meaning let's get there and change, you know, changing and also raising change. But I would take them to organizations in the community that I thought they would love to know about. And they would get to see where the food and Care Coalition was, or their women's shelter, different things like that. Actually, that one's private more, but different organizations that they might want to know about. And then we'd have a conversation there. So that's what it looks like. Now, I can't drive a bus in 2020. But I have a website.
Cory Moore:So tell us about some of these changes, like there's got to be some stories about how parents have changed and come back and said, Thank you for the advice and for the connectivity. Do you have any stories that stick out in your mind? of things like that?
Janae Moss:Yeah, yeah, no, so many, you know, I would say the majority of parents are really happy to have somebody else around the table that just gets them. And not just like a support group. But like, being able to do something with it. Now we support each other, what are we going to do, and creating the change. And so there have been even laws I know, that I put into been put into place because of things that were discussed in the group and then somebody in government that listen to them and help them represent themselves all the way through, you know, through making change in in law. I'm really proud of that, as well, as, you know, single, there's one friend of mine, John Hansen, he's a single dad, and he, he already is a leader in his own way. But he's done some really cool things with his son Chase. He's been on national TV shows talking about how he'll work with homeless people in his area and just treat them like real people and have conversations. He uses the protective factors as his base for what he does. There's there's so many like the autism group that I told you about. There's so many groups, I'm so excited to be able to get the information out to more people now.
Cory Moore:I'm excited to see the curriculum.
Janae Moss:Yeah, thank you.
Kirk Chugg:Very cool. Sounds like a lot of hard work in the making. So you went back to school to tell us about the decision that you made to as a mom of seven kids? What drove the what was the motivation behind going back to school? And what are your plans?
Janae Moss:I grew up my grandfather was very influential in my life. I think sometimes you don't realize this is one thing I've learned is that we don't, I don't know I when I talk to grandparents, it seems that they don't get the power of the position they're in, I guess, to say, I don't know how to say it better than that, other than I'm just the grandparent. I don't have a major role in my grandkids life, but they really do. And one of my goals is to help grandparents see that and fill that but my grandfather was very influential in my life. And he it was important to him that I could that all of his kids could go to school to go to college. And when I first started I was more interested in building business with Jon, let's be honest, so and I played we did a lot of playing. We played hard, snowmobiling, skiing, whatever it was. But when it was time, I always knew when it was time, I'd want to go back unfinished, so I had a little less than my associates done. And when Jordan was eight, I just told Jon, I said, I think this is time, went back, I finished my bachelor's and leadership in psychology. And then because it was 2020, and everybody was shut down, and like, well, we'll just go into sport and performance psychology because it helps everything that I do. It helps how I visualize my work and everything I'm passionate about. I don't know if you know, Dr. Craig Manning, he's a sports performance psychologist, but he's worked in our company. And we've seen the outcome of how people act differently when their mindset is straight. He helps us with that. Yeah. So I love that. And I want to take that into not only, you know, high performing rock stars, I want to bring that into the family. Because I think parents are high performing 24/7, they need the same tools that other high performers need CEOs or whoever it is.
Cory Moore:Talk to us more about that. When you say that, what does that mean? Like? How has it helped your company and and what kind of things gonna do in the home?
Janae Moss:Yeah, I think one of the biggest things that Jon and I always talk about together is one would be controlling the controllable, you know, our mind spin, and we, we have anxiety for the future. And we we stress about the past and all the things that we want to try to control that we really have no control over. So Craig Manning always talks about, you know, let's focus on today. And how are we going to do that and, and not only just saying that he's really good at breaking down. Helping people to do that by setting, he calls it three to one. So he'll have people set review each day, you know, what three things do I want to do well, and and what one thing do I need to do better? So at the end of the day, your review, review it and see how you do but Jon is better than I am at even bringing that up at the dinner table and to the kids saying, Hey, what's your three to one? How did it go? And the kids, I think their kids appreciate being asked how their day went. And to be able to recognize vocally and be able to share with the family what things went, well, then say, Hey, you know, I didn't do this very well. But I have tomorrow, I think that's a really good way to stay grounded in, you know, what you can do today.
Kirk Chugg:That's a really cool thing to do, you know, at the dinner table or something like that. And it got me thinking, what are some other things that the Moss family does that as a tradition that has helped you to connect with your kids?
Janae Moss:For us, it's all about play. You know, sometimes we're like, oh, we need to go, you know, weed the garden this morning. You know, and, but a lot of times, you know, the week is so crazy, and that it's Saturday ends up being, let's make good memories together. You know, I think that you know, the kids are at school, I'm doing my thing John's working. And so it's always been like, let's get on the water. Let's water ski. And of course, you learn lessons as you're doing things like that. Let's go camping. Let's go, Well, rvng were more of RV than a camp, or what's going to the cabin? Whatever it is, I think that that's where our connection is really good at Ben is the memories. And then, to me, it's important to try to remember the memory memories that you make, because it's it's kind of frightening how fast we forget the things that we've done, that have gone well, it's easier for us to remember what hasn't gone well versus what's gone well. So for that reason, I love to try to write with them. Focus on you know, well. And that's what the gentlemen projects all about. Right? Try to help them remember to write it down and to log those things that went well. So when you're frustrated, and you think you can't break through that problem that's driving you crazy that resilience is pulled out through the memories of what went well.
Kirk Chugg:It's a good reminder.
Cory Moore:So talk to us a little more about this grandparent thing. Obviously, you were you had a relationship there with you said your grandpa, right. Talk to the grandparents out there. You know, what did what did your grandfather do that was so impactful. And you know, what, what can grandparents do? And what are some of the things you're thinking you're out of your own head? How am I gonna affect my grandkids someday?
Janae Moss:Yeah, those are a lot of really good questions. My grandpa was raised in the Great Depression. And so his perspective on money and saving and time was really impactful on me because I remember him sitting me on his knee and saying, Janae you know, how's it going today? How are you doing? He was so good with that one on one connection, and looking me in the eye and asking me, and I'd say, Oh, I remember one time in particular, I said, you know, I'm so excited to get my driver's license. I just I can't wait until I get my driver's license. And he looked at me and he said Janae Time goes fast enough on its own, never wished away one day. I know as a kid I went Yeah, grandpa and I jumped off his lap or whatever. But I reflect on that quite often and I actually wear a watch around my neck a lot of times because time to me is is So precious, you know, what's the one thing you can't buy a time, you can't trade time you can't. And so not wishing the concept of not wishing time away really has been, I would really say foundational to who I am and why I choose to do what I do. I'd say that's one thing I learned from him as far as, how are grandparents so impactful. You know, parents, a lot of times, they're just trying to keep up with things. And they're, they're crazy busy, and they're tired, and they're frustrated, they're going to work, they love you more than anything in the world. But there's struggling, and so grandparents have the chance, hopefully, not everybody gets a chance, whether they're sometimes gone, or they don't live, live nearby. But if we're lucky, grandparents have the chance to teach in a way that's not as in your face as the day to day, you know, seven days a week, they, they love, I have four grandkids now, so I can say I love my grandkids, more than anything. And so excited to see all the grandkids that will come over the years. And I would say I'm a little bit more patient with my grandkids than I was with my first daughter when you know, when she spilled the milk or whatever it was, I just realized, I guess time right I realize what's important, what's not as important, what's worth getting upset over what's not. And by the time you get to your grandkids, you've you've learned those things that you get to try to implement with them that you maybe you messed with your own kids,
Kirk Chugg:Almost like senior parent, like they've gone through everything, and they've learned a few things, and they're not going to make those same mistakes. Again, I like that idea of you know, you've been you've been through this and you can kind of treat things a little bit differently. Do you read a lot?
Janae Moss:Yes. I'm always reading something.
Kirk Chugg:What are you reading right now? And if you could give one book to your kids, to teach them a lesson, if you weren't around, what would that book be?
Janae Moss:Well, that's good. I just started the book drawing on the right side of your brain. I think that's what it's called a lot of psychology books for me right now, because I'm in school, which I love all about mindfulness. It's all about flow, you know, how do we breathing I love this visualization meditation for bringing myself back to what's important and being able to focus think is really important. So I love anything to do with that. And then for my kids, it's gonna sound funny, but really the same thing. The Fearless Mind by Dr. Craig Manning, it's too It's too over your head for a young child. But if the parent can read it and share those same those messages with their children about being mindful, being present, and learning about, you know, when you're spinning or or staying forward focused with your thought process, I think those those messages in those lessons for young kids, I set them up to succeed I think.
Cory Moore:We talked about, we get to be senior as we get older, you just said that I kind of like that. A senior parent, we we have lessons learned through our life. And that makes us hopefully better as we get older. If you were to go back and talk to your younger self, right, you're you're back and you're 18 again, and you're gonna go do this adventure as a parent again. What do you think you would tell yourself? What would you say to the new parent?
Janae Moss:This this answer will probably Surprise, surprise some people maybe even my husband? I would I would say play more and less people say Janae that's like what you do you get anything done, really. But I think it's so important to integrate play as a mom. The older I got are, the longer I mothered, the more I realized it that just stop you know, if you're at the park with your kids run with them, if you if they're playing with makeup, put crazy makeup on yourself. If you if they're going sleigh riding don't say be Be careful, be safe, I'll be over here, get on the sled yourself and and go sledding with them. And that's been part of how I've chosen to mother and I would have even done it more. The kids get a chance to see you for who you are, that you laugh and that you have fun with them. You don't just want to harp on them or nag them all day about their bed or whatever. They get to see that mom's fun and I can connect with her so that when they get to be teenagers, they know that part of you and they're more willing to open up and share the hard parts because they've connected with you in a really important way.
Cory Moore:I could definitely do a better job of that. I'm glad you glad you brought that up. I tried to do a good job but you know it made me in my mind think you know I'm gonna go home and tell my girls go to town just put makeup on. I can't wait to see that picture. Right? I mean just stuff like that when parents when parents aren't sure what to do. It can be as simple as that. Slightly girls would never forget that.
Janae Moss:Absolutely. Way overthink it.
Kirk Chugg:I would love to see it. Like and follow the Facebook page for future pictures Cory Moore. We've done that. We've done that with like my grandparents. So they're great grandkids, they've let them do like hairstyles and stuff on them. And those pictures are just like priceless, you know, of, of their great grandkids giving them crazy hairdos. And, you know, 90 year old grandpa sitting there with crazy hair, it's like, you'll never ever forget that. So I like that play more. Do you think kids today have it easier or harder than we did? growing up?
Janae Moss:I would say different. I don't think it's easier or harder, in my opinion. I mean, some things are easier, as far as I remember. And this is, you know, just one random example. But I remember when the computer we had to do you know, binary code 011100 for like, 40 minutes, my brother and I for fun. And the computer would say, Hello, you know, if we're good, and we got it right the first time, right? And then we would redo it, sometimes we did. So yes. I mean, some things are easier because of our technology, or whatever it is. But some things are harder to you know, because of technology or other things. Our kids are dealing with stuff that we didn't have to deal with it at their age. When I went back to school, that's one thing that I learned by sitting in class with kids that are mostly half my age probably, is that they are strong, and they are resilient, and they work hard. And then I'd go out into you know, my business community, my friends be like, Oh, those kids, they don't know how to work. And they, you know, they they act different than I did at that age? And of course they do it is different. But they they are resilient, and they figure out how to solve problems in the way that they in this in this system that they've been brought up in?
Kirk Chugg:No, I think that that does answer my question. You know, I it is so much different for our kids growing up, and they have challenges that we couldn't even fathomed or envisioned. You know, I had an interesting experience yesterday, I was making a sale. And it was a guy that I've known for probably 30 years of my life. We're the same age, we have kids about the same age. And he was asking me what I was involved with and what I was doing. And I told him about the podcast, about how we have these discussions that don't come up often. We don't, we don't ever look at each other and say, Hey, I got this going on at home. I don't really know how to deal with this. So this is the the social connection, that that we've learned so much about that it's so important to be able to have that. And I could tell in our conversation. And he admitted, he says, I don't have that we don't have that we never talk about it, we never open the door, to be able to talk to each other about things that we're dealing with as parents, as providers as caretakers, for our kids. So in your experience working with parents, how do we open that door to make it more comfortable for other people to walk through, because I can try to kick the door open and hope that the person on the other side is willing to listen to what I have to say, but we just don't do that. So how do we make it more welcoming for people to open up and talk about some of the things that they're going that are going on in their life? Because I can guarantee you almost everybody you meet on the street has some type of a question or a challenge that they're dealing with in raising their kids or in a family situation?
Janae Moss:Absolutely, I would say it starts with us. I think that if we choose to be more vocal when we're going through challenges, then it gives permission other people that permission to do the same thing. Whereas if we're if we're laughing at something, if we if we laugh, and we share that with other people, then and they see that we're able to be vulnerable with our emotions, it gives other people the ability to do that, whether that's online or in person just seems to be something that's infectious that people don't realize. So it's you can't change other people, right? You can't decide for other people to be more social. But you can decide to bring together people that are ready to be social and involve other people that will come just be more comfortable in that situation. Because there are people there that are ready to to go there.
Kirk Chugg:It goes back to control the controllables. So this would probably be a good point in the podcast to challenge some people that might be listening. We have encouraged people to maybe step outside themselves and invite a couple people that may be ahead of them and parenting behind them in parenting or in the same places them in parenting and schedule at lunch to go to lunch on a regular basis to talk about what's going on not in business, not in anything else. But let's get together specifically for the purpose of helping each other be better dads. helping each other be better moms. And I think that the you know, controlling the controllable, you're not going to get somebody else to do that I've learned that I can't make people go out and start these groups. But if you've been motivated by anything in the podcast or anything that Janae said, Today, or, or otherwise, take the initiative and control going out and talking to four or five of your friends, you might invite 10 people, and four of them might come. But I can guarantee you that the five of us sitting down at lunch once a month talking about how did you do as a dad, you know, you set a goal last month to be more purposeful, when you came home to put your phone away, How'd that go and help each other be accountable. You know, challenge everybody that's listening to, to go outside. And maybe it doesn't look like that for you. Maybe it's your exercise group that you go exercise where maybe it's your golf buddies and say, Hey, I'm not talking about business today, if you want to talk to me, today, it's going to be about my kids. You know, and just just have fun with it and control what you can control. I tell that to my kids like, all the time, all the time, that's one of the things I don't worry about stuff you can't control, only worry about the things that you can control. And so as parents, if we want to see a paradigm shift in our culture, for parents being able to have those social connections, you can't have the social connections as if it's taboo to talk about parenting. Right? Right, you got to go out thing, don't make it taboo and, and open the door for other people to have those conversations. So that'd be a challenge of mine. This week.
Cory Moore:We do kind of live in a bit of a superficial world even more so now than I think ever. Right? What I mean is need to be more real with each other. We all could do better than that, right? Especially in the social media world, of course, but no, true friends are the ones that you actually do sit down with and go. I don't, I don't know what I'm gonna do here. And I'm not sure how I'm gonna figure this out. And I'm definitely not perfect. I'm far from it. And can we talk about what you're doing versus what I'm doing, which is what this podcast is all about. Because I think, in today's world, everyone wants to go and my kids are perfect. And I'm perfect. And everything's wonderful. And we all know it's not. Yeah, so let's just talk with our groups about what like real stuff. And I feel like you guys are good at that. I feel like that's kind of part of it. I don't know if that's part of your whole family culture. But you guys seem pretty darn good at that, like this is this is just life. And we're going to jump in with both feet. And it's gonna be hard, and it's gonna be fun. And, and we're but we're gonna be real. And I feel like you guys are pretty good at that.
Janae Moss:Thank you. Yeah, I would say it's definitely part of our culture, john and i are just pretty much wear our heart on our sleeves for the good or for the bad, depending on the day. But yeah, I love you know, as a follow up thought to what you're both saying, I think one of the biggest things is looking up. And I am first to blame on this looking up from our phones, you know, being when you're in a line at the grocery store. We hear this all the time, and it's hard for me. So I'm not saying it in judgment. But, you know, I saw the transition of not having a phone till I was 25 or whatever. And then for the next years, having a phone and the difference that it makes all around us and everywhere. It's it's kind of frightening. phones are not a bad thing. It's just a tool. It's like money, right? Money is not bad. It's a tool. It's what you do with it. So being conscious about that. And then the other thing I was thinking is, with your groups, I would challenge if I get to make a challenge as well. That to not look at age, because it's easy for us to want to connect with people that look like us, and you know, all their data, but they're about the same age, they do the same kind of thing at work, or we're in a group together, whatever I would say, look around for the oldest grandpa you can find and look around for the youngest. You know, you know, teenage boy, that can teach me something because when you when I've seen these in, in this in my groups a lot when you have a teenager that gets to share how it feels in high school right now for them to somebody that 72 and you get to see the child, the child, the teenager explain their perspective and and then see how would a 72 year old person respond to that? And what would they teach? You know, they can't really relate with each other in that they will never have the same experience in high school. But the lessons that come from both sides are invaluable. I've seen it not just dads and grandpas, but you know, women and young girls, just age difference. My best friends are quite a bit older than me honestly. And that's because I just try to I try to pick her brain and learn as much as I can from her because I haven't been there yet. So I would challenge people on age. Don't look at the age look at look at the opportunity to learn from each other.
Kirk Chugg:Yeah, I fell into that when I created my gentlemen project lunch group. Everybody had the same age. Kids and you know, we were all going through the same stuff, we all got to help each other out. But I realized sometimes topics came up that we didn't have answers for. And we were just like, Hey, good luck with that one, buddy. That one's a tough one, you know. But, yeah, the lots and lots of wisdom in that, to create some diversity of age and find some people that have done it before,
Janae Moss:And all kinds of diversity too. I mean, I say age, but all kinds of diversity be great. Yeah.
Kirk Chugg:So you know, going back to that, Cory, I'm gonna put you on the spot. Cory and I have been friends for nine years, maybe, maybe 10. We've always been friends. But since we started the podcast last year, we have had so many more of those conversations about what's going on with my kids right now. And they've been not recorded before or after the podcast or somewhere else. How has our relationship changed? I know my answer. But in your perspective, how is our relationship changed as friends, after sharing those things?
Cory Moore:I mean, you're you're much closer. You You're inside each other's head more, you're more empathetic with each other. You're more comfortable. I mean, there's a reason that deep relationships come from opening up, right? When it's your best friends, or super close family that you talk about the hard stuff with, right? Or the things that you're you're having troubles with. So yeah, I think of course much stronger.
Kirk Chugg:It's a license to go both ways, right? Like, I feel like I'm a better friend to you, but you feel like a much better friend to me. Like, three years ago, I probably wouldn't have called you late night and said, I got this thing going on. But now I wouldn't hesitate to do that. Yeah. So you know, that's what happens even with people that have known each other for a really long time to have that social connection, to say, you know, I've got somebody who's got my back at all times, no matter what I'm going through, maybe you only need one or two of those people in your life, but you need those people in your life, because that will help when times get tough to with that resiliency to punch through. So we're kind of nearing the end of the podcast Janae. And at the end of the podcast, we always ask our guests what they think it means to be a gentleman, we'd like you to answer that question. And you can throw a gentleman or a lady, it doesn't matter. What do you think it means to be a lady or a gentleman?
Janae Moss:Yeah, I'll just, you know, this will apply for both. But I'll throw it out there for a gentleman, my son, if I if I talked to him, and I would explain to him what I thought it would mean to be a gentleman, I would say that the way that we act comes from the way that we think. And really, we're projecting on the people around us, we treat the people around us in the way that we are processing on the inside. So being a gentleman to me would be somebody that takes the time to reflect on how they're thinking and feeling and being intentional about how to adjust it so that they are the most peaceful on the inside. So they can treat other people around them in the best way possible, how they would want to be treated.
Kirk Chugg:Awesome. I haven't heard that answer? I like that a lot. It's a little more deep than some.
Janae Moss:Leave it to me.
Kirk Chugg:I have a good friend that is a therapist, and she helped my daughter one time, we were just camping together. And brothers were being mean to sisters, and she said you have to just remember sweetheart, the way he treats you is the way he's feeling on the inside. It's not about you, it's about him. And that just was like a paradigm shift for her. She was like, oh, when he's mean to me, it's just because something's going on in his head. He's not happy. It's not really about me. So I love that. I love that, you know, we we emanate what's inside the way the outside world and the gentlemen is the perception of someone who, you know, it's got it together. It's doing the right thing and treating people with with respect. So thank you for that. That's that's a great definition.
Cory Moore:Thank you so much. It's been an amazing podcast. Thanks for spending time with us and your crazy busy schedule. And thanks for sharing your thoughts with it's been very insightful.
Janae Moss:Thanks, Cory. It's fun to be here with you. And Kirk, you guys are awesome friends. And this is amazing podcast studio. People can't see that. But this what an amazing building is such such a testament to the hard work that you've done Cory and Kirk, I know you've always worked so hard, and I've seen fruits of your labor as well. So thank you for being such awesome examples of being a gentleman and teaching, teaching other people how to attack it. None of us are perfect, but you're you're doing your best.
Kirk Chugg:Thank you for saying that. We hope that people get value out of what we do and the efforts. If you're listening to the podcast and you like it, something that you could do to help the podcast would be to head over to Apple podcasts and give us a review and a rating. And if there's something that impacted you to share the podcast with somebody that you love, sometimes just sending a simple link or something with the technology that we have, it's so easy to share something that Janae said today impacted you send it over to a friend and just say, Hey, listen to this podcast and thought I'd share it. There was some, some nice things said in here that have helped me. So that'd be another challenge. If you'd like to help the podcast to grow and more people to hear it, that'd be great and something that we would very much appreciate. So, thanks for joining us this week. My name is Kirk Chugg.
Cory Moore:And I'm Cory Moore.
Kirk Chugg:Have a great week!
