Are You Really Practicing Self-Care?: Mani's & Pedi's Can't Cut It!

In this episode, Kea dives into self-care and encourages us not to limit it to superficial things such as manicures and pedicures. She openly shares her experience of how being in the psychiatric unit made her realize the true meaning of self-care which is working toward wholeness. What good is a manicure or pedicure if you are broken and depressed? 

References/Resources: How Being Admitted Into The Psychiatric Unit Made Me Realize Self-Care Is Not Manicures & Pedicures https://firefliesunite.com/blog/how-being-admitted-into-the-psychiatric-unit-made-realize-self-care-is-not-manicures-pedicures 

Therapist Shout-Out: Dr. Dawn Robinson (Based In Atlanta & Savannah, Georgia) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/dawn-m-robinson-atlanta-ga/146265?sid=1534441404.7953_26483&search=atlanta+ga&city=Atlanta&state=GA&ref=5&tr=ResultsName 

The Effects of Sleep Deprivation on Your Body https://www.healthline.com/health/sleep-deprivation/effects-on-body#1 

Leave your reviews about the podcast on Apple Podcasts or the Fireflies Website: https://firefliesunite.com/podcast 

Where to find Kea on social media and join the mental health conversation? 
Twitter: www.twitter.com/firefliespod 
Instagram: www.instagram.com/firefliespod “Like Us” on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/firefliespod 
Join the Fireflies Unite: Healthy Minds Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1714131805325103/ 

Mind, Body & Soulness: Wholeness Winning In Life From The Inside Out By Toure Roberts https://www.amazon.com/Wholeness-Winning-Life-Inside-Out-ebook/dp/B072TNSLH1/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1534555508&sr=8-1&keywords=wholeness+by+toure+roberts Send suggested topics to kea@firefliesunite.com

 Mental Hygiene Should Be Celebrated As Black Excellence By Listener Tezel https://www.regalstateofmind.com/blog/practicing-mental-hygiene-should-be-celebrated-as-black-excellence 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Fireflies unite with Kea, your weekly podcast from the perspective of individuals thriving with the mental illness. We are normalizing the conversation about mental health within communities of color to foster mental wellness and empowerment. Welcome to another episode of the fireflies unite podcast with me Kie, where our mission is to bring light into darkness just like the fireflies. I hope that everyone is doing well and I just want to thank every single person who has texted me and reached out to me via email regarding last week's episode where we talked about social media and comparison and I actually wanted to read an email from a listener. It really got me a little emotional because I'm constantly doing the podcast so sometimes I don't see the direct impact because it's not like someone is sitting directly in front of me. The only thing I can see is how the numbers are doing and where people are listening from. I can see if you know there are repeats where you come back to listen to each episode week after week, but this email really just confirmed why I'm doing what I'm doing in regards to the podcast and speaking and just really owning my truth and being transparent because the social media, so many people are not really being transparent, you know, they are showing you again a highlight reel and so when. Let me just read the email. We follow each other on instagram. She says she's currently listening to your my episode from last week and his blessing my whole life. She said I have been on the exact same plane lately where I don't even like the term living my best life because personally I have been trying to be happy with just living mentally. I had been feeling so stuck and I had a really bad breakup in July. I love the work. You are doing it. How I considered you Bashea as black excellence. And my last blog, because of your advocacy and mental health, I be sure to leave the article that she wrote in the show notes as well. She said, please know that you look amazing the way you are. I'm glad you are learning to focus on how you feel rather than how you look, your transparency. This is the best part of the whole email to me. Yeah, transparency has been encouraging me so much that I went to my first therapy session on my birthday and we'll be sharing my personal mental health journey this week along with my cousin who was killed last year after living with schizophrenia for 15 years at the end of the month. Whether you know whether or not you are a true role model, like a real life self awareness and mental wellness goals. Thank you and I'm really proud to watch and support you as a fellow. HBC You alumna. Thank you again and I hope we can connect and talk more so thank you so much. That email meant a lot to me for a few reasons. Like I said, because I don't get to always see the direct impact of the podcast and I'm often wondering if I should keep doing it or if I should stop or like is it really inspiring people and helping people to take control of their mental health so that email was just confirmation that I need to continue doing what I'm doing. No, it does not mean that I'm perfect, but I'm constantly working on myself and showing people that by taking control of their mental health, they then can truly live their best lives by addressing any trauma or any hurts or anything that may be going on from preventing them from operating at their best selves. So thank you so much. Tezel or Tezel, I'm not sure, but thank you so much. And like I said, I'll be sure to leave her post that she wrote about me being a part of black excellence, which I was like, girl, I'm not Barack Obama or I'm not Beyonce, but the whole point of her article was just that there are everyday people who are still exemplify black excellence because of the work that they're doing, but they may not necessarily get the recognition and recognition. So thank you so much for that honor. And for featuring me. I really appreciate it. I don't really do any of this honestly for like fame or recognition. I do it because I want to help change the narrative of mental health. So I just wanted to read that to y'all because I thought it was really important for anyone who may be listening and you are sitting on a dream and you are afraid to start that business or afraid to write that book or afraid to start that podcast. Or you're just really crippled by fear that the thing that I believe that God has placed on the inside of you is a part of your purpose and you will never know what you're able to do if you just sit on your gifts. So I hope that inspires somebody to not only take control of their mental health, but really live boldly in their truth and to follow their dreams. So now, last week when we talked about social media in comparison, I actually wanted to share this with you so I'm not going to do a mind, body and soul in this segment because of what I'm about to mention right now. So I am currently reading a book called wholeness and it's by Toray Roberts. He, um, I don't know if you guys know who he is, but he's a pastor that's based in La and he's the pastor of one church la under the Potter's house. He is married to Sarah Jakes Roberts who is the youngest daughter of td jakes. But anyway, so I'm reading his book and his book is called holding. This is all about winning in life from the inside out. It's about showing you how to go beneath the surface and work through the things that we suppressed to bring forth, have blind spots, things that you may not even realize that you do, whether it's patterns or behaviors that prohibited you from living your best life. And I was reading this. I'm reading this book and he started talking about there's this chapter where he started talking about knowing yourself and I was like, oh my gosh, I have to read this on the podcast. So in this chapter he says, the fizziness of technology often robs us of the stillness needed to really know ourselves. Our focus shifts so fast at the speed of a click that our minds can hardly be still. Although we are feeling things all the time, if we never stopped to be still, we can never identify and examine those feelings and what may be beneath. There is a whole world happening inside of us that we don't see, which gives us no say in the outcomes that our inner world producers, instead of making life happen, we allow life to happen to us through unseen patterns. We need to understand these patterns and master them, and you know what? What I really love about that paragraph is he talks about those blind spots and there are so many things that we don't know about ourselves and until we actually go through therapy or even if you don't go to therapy even though I highly recommend it, but if you don't take the time to be still and reflect and sit with your thoughts and your emotions and to be in tune with yourself, then you will never. You will never have the chance to be able to notice what your blind spots are and social media often distracts us from doing that. So for this week's mind, body, and soul, in this segment, I want to encourage you all to get the book. Wholeness is winning from the inside out. This is not an advertisement. This is just a book that I had been reading and I really think that it can help anyone who may be struggling internally to work through hurt and things that they may not even know about themselves. So there are some things that have been revealed to me that I haven't realized that about myself until I started going to therapy. You can get wholeness from your local library, which is free or you can purchase it on Amazon and so I'll be sure to leave that in the, in the show notes, but it's an awesome book. So I just want to encourage you all to seek out help and work on or work toward rather wholeness. So yeah, for this week's episode we are going to talk about self care and I think it's super important that we talk about self care because we live in a very fast paced society. Social media, you know, the things that we're always seeing a hashtag grinding, hashtag hustle and Hashtag like team no sleep. And we wear it like as a badge of honor. Like yeah, I'm not getting no sleep. That used to be me, to be honest. I would say like in my early twenties, it's funny because as I'm looking back and like I'm like really at the end of my twenties. But anyway, it's just, it's so I'm kinda blown away or like surprise that like I'm saying like in my earlier twenties, sorry, you know, I had a moment but in my earlier twenties this was me. Like again, I was always grinding. I was always going after my dreams that I've always been a go getter and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But I did not realize that I cannot work. I can't work like that. Like it's not feasible. It's not good for your mind is not good for your body. It's not good for your spirit. And that was me until I was forced out of my home and into the psychiatric unit and I was forced out of my home by the police and I never thought that I would end up in a place where I was told only crazy people go. I remember saying actually to one of the staff members in the psychiatric unit and I really think I need to do an episode on I will, I promise you I'm going to do an episode on my entire experience of being in the psychiatric unit. But I remember saying to one of the staff members there, I was like, I don't belong here. And she was like, what do you mean you don't belong here? I was like, um, I have a master's degree from Georgetown and a bachelor's from Howard. People like me don't come here. And she said, oh, people with degrees get sick too. And then I thought to myself, well I guess this means I'm crazy too, cause I'm in here. This is not a goal I set for myself. This is not something I planned out and I just could not wrap my head around being educated, having my own car and apartment and family and friends who love me and you know, a job and just the idea of being locked in a place that felt like a jail was just not a part of my vision. And honestly, I did not realize how sick I was until the psychiatrist who was evaluating me to see if I was stable to go home and of course I was not. So that's why they kept me. But he asked me, he said, what day of the week is it? And do you know the date and the month. And guess what, Y'all? I had no clue. I guess something I can't remember what I guess or what I said. I may have said Tuesday and it may have been like Friday or something and I just, I didn't know. Like I didn't know the month. I didn't know. I may have known the year, but that goes to show you how out of it. I was, like I said, y'all, I am extremely goal oriented so it's not like I'm not the type of person who often talk about my dreams. I worked really hard and I go after them. But what I've learned is that, you know, that does not mean that I can't take breaks or that we should not take breaks to replenish ourselves. And you know, when I was going to scroll through social media during this time in my early twenties, I would feel like I was not doing enough and taking a break meant that I was not working hard. And so I found myself on this hamster wheel where I was working so hard doing lord knows how many things between at the time I was starting a business and graduating from Grad school and I was trying to do all of these things and you know, working to pay my bills and trying to pay down debt. But I wasn't actually, I was not taking care of myself. And when people say like self care, I'm thinking like, oh, self care. Yeah, you know, go to the spa, go get your nails and your toes done and go get a massage. And because if you think about it, especially now, self care so popular, like everyone's always talking about self care on social media and work life balance. And granted self cares is personalize. So if there's no one size fit all, it is truly based on a person. But what I realized is that sometimes people can live at self care to being it being very superficial, like getting your nails and your hair done. Um, I think it can be a form of self care, but I personally would put that in the category of like maintenance or grooming, if that's something that you do, like you keep your nails and your hair and your toes done. That's kind of like maintenance. But I guess it can make you feel good. But I'm just rock with me. I'm going to get to the point. So it's like we see self care and I, if I, in my experience, I think so many people don't realize what it is because if we were, if we were actually practicing self care, then we wouldn't be burning out. We wouldn't. If we were actually practicing self care, we could help to decrease our chances of developing depression or anxiety. Now granted, there are other factors that go into it, like life circumstances. It could be genetics, you know, environmental, like it's just not limited to like if you practice self care, you're not going to, you know, develop depression. That's not what I'm saying, but what I am saying is that if we take the, if we were actually practicing self care to be in tune with ourselves, we would be able to identify signs and to and realize when we're actually heading down a slippery slope. So I want to be really honest with y'all because of course that's what I do. So like I said, I have been an a, it's been a very tough season for me. I have some things that are happening with my family and you know, I've had to work. I had some really bad, not really bad. Let me not say really bad. A really tough and challenging therapy session, you know, with some loved ones and found out that my car is totaled. I don't think I mentioned that to y'all. So I found out that my car is totaled so I have to get a new car. Um, I believe I mentioned I had to hire an attorney. I am working on. I'm producing of this is my brave show. I also do consulting work. So I, I can't even remember all the things that I'm working. I was also doing, you know, working on save our babies. I also, I'm a writer, I'm also doing the podcast. I'm in treatment because the accident actually messed up my neck really bad is gradually getting better. Um, but I'm in treatment. I go to treatment three times a week and I'm also preparing to have a procedure. So with all of my health stuff, like physical health stuff, mental health things, it has really been compiling and piling on top of everything. And I honestly didn't realize all the things that I was doing into. Somebody sent me an email, actually a client sent me an email and I told her all that I was working on and she was like, do you want to take the week off? So I was thinking like, Oh, you know what? Not even like, yeah, do you want to take a, you know, a week off. And so I was like, you know what? Yeah, I'm gonna. Take that week off. Of course now since I'm an entrepreneur and I'm a consultant, y'all know how well if I don't work, I don't get paid. So as entrepreneur, I don't have Pto, I don't have vacation days, of course I do have flexibility in my schedule and I kind of get to move things around so its pros and its cons, but I would rather of course be an entrepreneur and work for someone, but needless to say, my client understood it and I was extremely grateful about that because the client that I support instead a mental health organizations and my client who is the founder of the organization, she have battles with bipolar disorder so she completely gets it. And so that's his. That's why I was so great. I was glad when she said that. So anyway, I was like, you know, yeah, I'm going to take the week off because I had things that I need to do to. With my car being totaled. There are things that needed to be done to make sure that the insurance paid the lien holder for my car. There were things I needed to do for the attorney. Like y'all. I just did not realize all the things that I had going on till someone started listing them out for me and I was like, Whoa, I am really doing a lot, and I already started really feeling depleted and this and I wouldn't say it's because I wasn't practicing self care because let me say this, I had been walking more than I would normally do in the evening time. I will go take a walk and like I said, I don't take my phone because I really want to pull away and use that time to dream, use that time to pray. Um, it just really clear my head, um, and enjoyed the weather and be amongst nature. I've been doing that more often. I'm working on adding that into my schedule more. I am reading, I'm actually on my second book for the month. I still go to therapy. I had been talking to my therapist and so I would, would it say that it's just that when a life event such as the car accident happened in something that happened, you know, some, some family stuff that's going on. It really started to add onto all that I was already managing prior to the car accident and prior to, you know, my family stuff happening. I felt fine like I felt like I was managing. I felt like I was coasting. I felt like I was on cruise controlled, if you will, but those things added to my plate and I really started declining. I had a day where after that challenge in therapy session, I just came in the house and I went and I went to sleep because it had took a lot out of me and I kept saying to my therapist that I don't have the emotional capacity to deal right now with all that's happening in my life. I don't have the emotional capacity to try to work through some challenges that I may be having in relationships with people around me. I was like, I'm so drained, and I came in the house. I cried and I went to sleep and then the next day I really stayed. At the next day I had a meeting with a potential client and then after that I came back in the house and I was sleeping literally all day and I think I only may have had something to eat. Oh, one time. And when I started to realize, oh, these are ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, ding, these are behaviors, this is showing signs that you're, I'm relapsing into a depression. And I was like, okay, wait, I need to really do something about this because I don't want it to get to the point where like, the police officer forced me out of my home because I wasn't functional. Like at this point, yes, I'm functional, I'm getting up, I'm doing the podcast, I'm talking to clients, I'm getting work done, I'm writing blog posts, I'm doing the podcast. Like I'm still getting things done on functional, but I'm more in tune with myself. I'm more self aware because now I can see the patterns where depression is trying to creep up on me. Uh, and so I was like, wait, okay. So I remember telling my therapist this and I was like, something has to be done because if I don't do something I'm literally going to go downhill. And I, like I said, I don't want to be forced into the hospital and I don't want it to get to that point where I'm not showering and I'm not eating. I did start isolating a bit. I was telling some of my friends like, I'm just going to lay low right now. I really don't want to text or really hang out with anyone. I just kind of want to stay to myself because it's just too much for me to handle right now. And so what I did was that Friday when I came back in from a meeting with a potential client, I actually called my and I told them this is, it was like the behavioral health line. And I was like, these are, this is what's happening, you know, I'm a suicide survivor and I really want to be proactive. And I remember telling my therapist this, I was like, I think I'm going to check myself into a partial hospitalization program. And for those of you who do not know what that is, sometimes it's called intensive outpatient treatment and the state of Maryland is called partial hospitalization where basically you go to the hospital and you stay at the hospital for like five to six hours a day, Monday through Friday, and you go through intense like group therapy. They help you develop coping strategies. Um, you learn what your triggers are, you learn how to better manage your mental illness, um, you learn how to advocate for yourself, you learn how to set up boundaries. All the things that I've been talking about on the podcast and all the things that I have been learning since I have been in therapies next month will be three years with the same therapist consistently. And so these are all the things that I knew, but I was like, let me be proactive as opposed to reactive because if I keep going, this is not going to end up well. And I worked so hard that like part of me had the pressure of like I worked too hard to build what I start to build this past year, January first 2018, I launched the podcast, I really started to essentially build my brand and work on my business. And so I was like, wow, if it's about to go, it's about to go down. And so my therapist was like, well, I think, you know, I think this is a great idea if you are feeling this way. So again, I will be in about, I think two to three weeks I'll be going into the partial hospitalization program. Don't worry, I'm still going to get your podcast. We're opposed to the difference with partial and impatient. So impatient. You're like inside a down psychiatric unit in most cases the door's locked from the inside and the outside and yeah, you're basically locked in the hospital. And to me what felt like the jail. And you have to ask, you know, can you shower, you got an ex can use the bathroom, you know, because a lot of a lot of people in there are not stable in the point is the purpose it's supposed to be to get you stable. And so I was like, no, that's not what I want. I'm being a part of the partial hospitalization gives you more, a bit of more control but you have to be in a certain mental space to be in the partial hospitalization program. Like when I was forced him to the hospital, I needed to be there. Like there was no way for me to be in partial hospitalization. Now after I got out of the hospital I transitioned to partial so I was inpatient. Now I transitioned to partial where I would be able to come home and go home and then come back in the morning as opposed to inpatient. You sleep there, you like stay in the hospital? So I did. And so I called the hospital and after I got off the phone with my insurance, I wind up calling the hospital and told them I've been through the program like two and a half years ago. And while, yes, I am still functional, but I'm starting to see behaviors and patterns that are pointing to me to, um, relapse and I'm also having a lot of balls that I'm juggling in the air and I'm feeling really depleted. So they were like, okay, I'm, they actually the typical questions like, are you thinking about harming yourself or someone else? And I'm like, no, because I'm not. If I'm, if I'm suicidal people in my circle, they know now that I'm pretty honest about it. So I said, no, I'm not. And so, yeah. So that's what I'm in the process of doing. And so how does this relate to self care? Self care is about self preservation, but it's about being self aware. If you don't take the time to actually know behaviors and patterns because they're blind spots to you because you don't, you're not self aware, then how would you even know that something is wrong? So I like, like I said, that's what I was doing for, you know, I was really like an energizer bunny and I was constantly going and going. I was not really taking the time to sit with my emotions and my thoughts and I was just doing what I needed to do because I was already to follow my dreams that I need to get these bills paid. I gotta get this debt down. I gotTa have a great credit score. Like you know, it's just like go, go, go. But here's the thing I want to tell your self care is what feeds your mind, your body, and your spirit. Self care is setting boundaries. It's exercising, it's having a well balanced diet. Self care is journaling, self care is therapy. Self care is having healthy relationships. Self care is reading books, self care is sleeping. So y'all, we got to start with the Hashtag Hustle, Hashtag team, no sleep and Hashtag grant. We really got to stop with all of that because let me ask you all this question. What good is a manicure or pedicure or massage if you are depressed, empty and broken. So that's, that's why I really like don't like to talk or really don't like to attribute self care to many's and petty's and getting your hair done. And massages now what massages, I feel like it's a thin line because a lot of times people hold stress in certain areas of their body. Like for me, I tend to hold stress in my upper back, neck and shoulders area. They tend to get very tight when I'm stressed. So of course a massage would help loosen up those muscles because a lot of times, um, tinder and I may be in pain. So I felt like it's a fine line between massages, but I just really want to encourage us to not limit self care to those things that could seem pretty superficial, struggling. And you can have your hair done and being a manic episode if you struggle with bipolar disorder, you can. And that's what I was talking about on last week's episode, how we can have all these things or do all these things that make us feel, quote unquote feel good. But yet we're still broken. We really have to reevaluate how we view self care. I was always asking myself like, where did we get this quote unquote brilliant idea that the less you sleep and take breaks, the more successful you will be. I personally contribute a lot of it to this capitalist culture, American culture that we live in and let's be clear for blacks and people of color, but in particular I'm going to talk about black because I'm African American and for us some of it is linked to being oppressed because we always have to work twice as hard. We've heard it. We have to work twice as hard just to get half of what our oppressors have. So it's been ingrained in us. There was a time where older generations, you know, our ancestors, they had to work themselves to the bone, whether it was in slavery or during like civil rights and Jim Crow and the Civil Rights Jim Crow era just to provide for their families. Of course the slavery there was, there was no pro really providing for your families. I mean, we had to do, we got scrapped and we had to do what we needed to do, but the point I'm trying to make is we're so used to working ourselves to the bone that is ingrained in us and it's been passed down from generation to generation because many of our ancestors and some of us still feel like this today, that we don't have time for a mental breakdown or we write it off as just the blues or instead of an actual mental health condition. Our ancestors and some of us still do today. We know they just. We just pray to Jesus and we keep pushing through and many blacks and African Americans identify as Christians and 50 percent of African Americans attend church services weekly and that's according to a pew research study. We believe that participating in rituals like attending church and reading devotions and fasting and listened to Gospel Music and participating in ministries and listening to sermons that it will help us during difficult times. And while yes, I would say there's a very fine line with that because we can so be so busy doing, doing, doing, but not working on ourselves and while I certainly contribute to being mentally healthy to a redeveloping my relationship with God, I do contributed to being mentally healthy, but what I will say, I also contributed to addressing my trauma, excepted that I had a mental illness and working through it. Learning what my triggers are and developing healthy coping strategies in therapy. That's what self care, self care is going beneath the surface and working on yourself. Even though it's can be very hard, self care is going to those deep dark places. Those things that we've suppressed and we don't want to talk about or we're embarrassed about to that we tried to overcompensate or we try to do certain things to fill those voids is to actually remove. To pull that bandaid off and even if you got to pull it off just a little bit, just a little bit at a time and not just rip it off because that may be too much too much for some people. But that's truly what self care is one of the many ways to take care of yourself, of yourself and your mental health is sleep and take taking breaks. Sleep is needed for us to function at our best, at our maximum capacity and a lack of sleep contributes to a lack of concentration. It contributes to memory loss, weight gain. I'm a weakened immune system, increased risk for diabetes and high blood pressures and so many other illnesses and that's according to[inaudible] dot com. These illnesses are that are so prevalent in our community, not just because we we eat all the wrong things. It's also because we don't take time to address our mental health and do things like sleep and address generational trauma and therapy. That's why I now realize like Hashtag grinding, Hashtag hustling Hashtag team, no sleep is quite ridiculous and it's truly killing us because it glorified being a workaholic and perpetuates this idea that taking a break limit your success and that's not true. You know, it has been for me two and a half years since my suicide attempt and being in the psychiatric unit and I have been of course in, in very intense therapy through the partial hospitalization program, which I will be doing a good and you know, taking medication and really learn to take care of myself while yes, I like to get. Let me just say this. Yes. I like to get my. I like to get pedicures. Yes, that's taking care of myself, but I'm just not getting pedicures. But then avoiding other areas of my life, like avoiding not taking care of my finances so I can be financially stable or holding onto guilt and like I'm not, you know, I'm not really, I'm not. I'm doing the work to become a better person while there's still some work that I need to do. I can honestly say when I look in the mirror, I'm proud of the person that I become. I truly am because I've done a lot of work, so I never wanted to make it seem like, oh, don't get your hair and your nails done because it's not self care. Again, for me, I personally put that in make maintenance, but if you're going to do those things, that could be quote unquote superficial, are as much energy and time that you spend making appointments or driving to the nail salon or hair salon or the spa to get your massage. Are you putting that amount of time in yourself to make sure that you're mentally healthy, that you're physically healthy and spiritually healthy? Do you have a well balanced diet? Are you setting time aside to work out and these are all the things that I'm saying to y'all, but I'm also turning it back and asking myself those very questions, you know, because I've had to learn to take care of myself because I refuse to be like my ancestors and work myself to the bone. Whether we, if we don't take care of ourselves and we dropped did and within split second the bill's gone. Still be there. Debt still gonna be there like it's always going to be there, but there's no point to kill yourself in the process. Set up a plan, take and also set up a plan, but in that plan, take care of yourself. So I like to think of in the Scripture, psalms 23 verse five where it mentions description about my cup runneth over it. I often say, what's in my cup is for me, what runs over is for everyone else. And just this year alone I had been practicing self care very well because part of self care for me is also identifying if I may be relapsing, like I told you, I started seeing signs like, oh Kia, what's going on here? You laying in a bed all day, you having a hard time getting to, having a hard time getting out of bed and before you get glued to your bed and stopped showering and eating, um, let's do something about this. And so in just this year alone with taking breaks and really learning to put myself first, I'm able, I was able to actually enjoy my accomplishments and do my best with smelling the roses. By that I mean actually living in the moment and doing my best not to check something off. So I can move onto the next thing, but actually basking in the glory of that particular accomplishment. And for me this year I worked the Naacp image awards and I got a chance to meet Easter Ray and I'm actually going to do. We don't talk about eastern way. I'm a huge, huge fan. So if y'all know eastern rave, if Easter is listening, one of my dreams is to work with Easter eggs, so I'm just putting it out there so y'all know you got put it out there. And so. But. So I worked the Naacp image awards and I actually got a chance to meet Jennifer Lewis and Esra. Yes. So that was a, that was like a dream come true because eastern rate has actually inspired me to do a podcast and we're going, well we'll talk about that in another episode, but I've also had over 15 speaking engagements this year. I've read over 13 books. I was, I started the podcast, I was featured on good morning, Washington twice this year. And you have, I'd be like, Oh, you read, you read books. Like that's not a big thing, but actually to me it is a big thing because it's an accomplishment because reading forces me to pull away from social media and spend time with myself and turn off the noise and the distractions of life and focus in on a book where I don't want to have my phone so I'm not reading a book on my phone. I have a kindle that I love or I either actually read the actual hard copy book and it again. So it forces me to acquire new information and forces me to spend time with myself and actually slowed down, process my emotions and actually just sit in silence because some of the books that I read are about their self help. So they, it for me to reflect and think about certain things and spend time with myself and pull away from the noise of life. And that's part of what I'm doing right now is not being on social media. So that's a part of myself here. Because social media can be a lot. While I love it and it can be great, but sometimes it can be addicting. And I'm like, I need to pull away. Most importantly for me, I, you know, during that year I've been able to rebuild my relationship with God. Whereas in the past, like I never took the time to really like pull away. I would just always like going like the energizer bunny. And so while, yes, managing my mental illness, it can, you know, it can be tough, but you know, I have to actively continue to work on myself so I can be the best that I can be and I no longer choose sleep and rest over the pursuit of my dreams and paying bills and paying down debt. Like I don't, I don't, I'm not working myself to the bone like that. I'm not gonna do that. So the question that I really want to propose to you listening is what will you do to manage better, manage your mental health and ensure you are getting adequate rest. What are the tools that you are going to put into place to make sure you are practicing self care? And that can be anything from getting up in the morning, praying, journaling, reading devotionals. It can be going to the gym, it can be starting to go to therapy with those things that make you feel whole. Those things that make you feel complete, that those things that make sure that you are preserving yourself and not burning out. That's what self care is and I really, really want to reinforce that. So I hope that you know, this topic really resignated with you all and that you're able to take something from it and apply it to your life because that's one of the biggest things that I have learned what I had set. The fact that I was able to do all this just simply listing out and having this conversation on the podcast really allowed me to reflect on all the things that I've accomplished this year, but not neglecting my mental health. My mental health is always top of mind of course, because that's the line of work that I'm in now as an advocate. But also because of my struggles that I have. And so I know that a lot of us often feel like we always have to be like on this rat race. You know? Or were unfulfilled and if you're feeling unfulfilled in your life and you're like, I don't know what my purpose is, I don't know what I want to do, take time to pull away from social media and take time to go to therapy because it time pulled away, take time to read a book. Like and I think what I'll do for you all, there are episodes, they're like three other topics that I want to talk about, but one of those is how to find a therapist if you don't have insurance and what resources are available. So I think that's something that we really need to talk about and I'm pretty sure that's because a lot of people like all therapy, so expensive and yes it can be. But your girl not out here bawling, but I go to therapy so I want to make sure we all have the resources. That's why I enjoy finding new resources for you all so you can really start your therapy process. And so I want to make sure that I'm getting that to you all. So I think maybe that's what we'll need to talk about next week. There are three topics that are coming to mind, but I think that's what we need to talk about next. So I'm going to to commit to for next week. That's what we'll discuss. So for this week's therapist, shout out it is Dr. Don Robinson. She is actually based in Atlanta, Georgia and she has a, another location in Savannah, Georgia. Like I said, y'all pay attention to where you are listening from. And so I know that I have some listeners in the Atlanta area and so she actually works with, helped with anger management, anxiety, career counseling, behavior issues. She deals with depression and helping you come up with the coping skills and she treats trauma, ptsd, self esteem, relationships in fertility, grief, um, mentioned her specialty. She really focuses on child or adolescent and women issues. Anyone dealing with environmental stress. So I will be sure to leave. She also, she sept accepts insurance. So if you have, or I'm looking at her psychology today profile, so accepted insurance and the shows blue cross or blue shield. And she also has a sliding scale where basically a sliding scale is people paying what they can. I'm not exactly sure how she does her sliding scale, but be sure to check out Dr Darren Robinson and y'all already know what I'm going to say, that she'd be like, how you found me be like, oh, Kia of the fireflies, united podcasts that you over. So I'll be sure to leave her psychology today. Profile in the show notes y'all. That wraps up another episode of the fireflies unite podcast and I wanted to thank you all for listening and tuning in. I want to encourage you all to again leave a review on apple podcast. If you're listening to the podcast there, you can also leave a review on the fireflies united website y'all, so please do that, but you gotta be logged into your facebook page to do so. So if y'all would be able to do that, I want to encourage y'all to share the podcast on social media and also to texts it. Send it to a friend, send it to a family member and share something that you think will be beneficial to them or to say, Hey, I was listening to this podcast and you came across my mind. I thought this might be helpful, so please be sure to do that. And I also just as far as announcements, wanting to encourage you, if you are a business owner and you want to support with this is my brave show that I am producing and I told her I'm looking for sponsors as well as anyone who wants to place an ad or you can also just donate as well. So I'm super excited about that. That's all I pretty much half or that I'm going in right now. I'm trying to do my best to take it slow and to kind of rebuild in the sense that my energy is depleted and I have a lot. So. But yeah, and I just want to really encourage you all to make sure that y'all take care of your mental health and Y'all know that I'm always sending positive vibes. I pray that you all have a very blessed week. Please feel free to reach out to me@Kiaatfirefliesunited.com. I love reading the reviews on apple podcast. I love being able to get the emails to see how the podcast is impacting you and if you have any suggested topics like send them over like I'm all for it. This is the podcast is for y'all like it. It really is. So again, y'all have a blessed week and I'll talk to you next week. I hope that you obtained tools and resources from the fireflies unite podcast to help you manage your mental health. Please do not use it as a substitute for relationship with the licensed therapist or psychiatrist. Let's continue the conversation by following me on fireflies pod on facebook, twitter, and instagram.