Quitter's Guilt: What it is, and how it might be tethering you

Ever felt yourself shackled by the fear of the unknown? Are you feeling the calling to make a big life change, but you're afraid of the consequences, or feel stymied by how your decision might impact others?

In this Thursday Thread episode, I call back to the Tuesday conversation with Kristin Lee Geiger, who dropped a NYC fashion design job most people in the industry would DROOL over,  to become a yoga teacher.

I share about the power of the 2 am Truth: That moment where you have a stomach-punching realization something is not right with my life.

I talk about the warning signs that you aren't following the messages coming from your intuition. One of the big ones is GUILT.  From the seemingly inconsequential choices at the supermarket to the duties we perform out of sheer obligation, I reveal the subtle ways in which our lives become tethered by the guilt of quitting—and how confronting it can pave the way to personal growth and joy.

Harnessing personal power and choice is a mantra I encourage you to adopt as you recognize the impact your decisions hold over your life.

It's important to recognize how deeply ingrained these tethers are. From genetic coding being revealed by epigenetics, the influence of inherited patterns,  the beliefs we hold, the patterning in our nervous system – these tethers hold down the untapped potential within us all.

Join me in challenging norms and daring to reshape your own destiny with this big question:

What would I do if it was completely up to me?

As always, I end this episode with a breathwork exercise to support you in breaking down the walls of limitation. Step into your unbound potential and celebrate the exhilarating freedom of personal power.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hi and welcome to Untethered with Jen Liss, the podcast that's here to help you break free, be you and unleash your inner brilliance. I'm your host, jen, and in this episode we're going to talk about quitter's guilt and why it might be stopping you from living your best life. Let's dive in. Hey there, unicorn, welcome back to the podcast for this Thursday thread. It's a Thursday thread. It's a Thursday thread. It's a Thursday thread. Yes, this is a Thursday thread podcast. Pulling out a little string from Kristen Lee Geiger's podcast on Tuesday, kristen, in case, if you haven't listened, that's okay. If you would like to go back and listen, that's also okay. But I'll quickly summarize.

Speaker 1: 0:55

Kristen's story is one that many of us have lived or might be in the process of living. We might be in the process of untethering. She had a dream when she was 10 years old and she created that dream life. She went in and she wanted to be a fashion designer. She moved from Iowa to New York City, became a fashion designer, was living the life, and she had a moment, a moment of 2 am truth. Let's talk about these 2 am truths, 2 o'clock in the morning, when you have that moment of complete clarity of what the hell am I doing with my life? Why am I doing this? Why am I living this way? How often does that happen to us? At 2 am. Her 2 am truth was that she was getting on a subway train and she was deciding whether she wanted to take the 2 am train or the 3 am train home from work. She'd been working that many hours and she was trying to decide which train to take. And she had this moment of realization like is this the life that I want to be living? And a lot of us can have those moments. But what's so fascinating is that she'd had warning signs many years before that there might have been a lack of alignment for her with this career that she was pursuing, but she felt like something's wrong with me. It feels like there's something wrong with me because I suddenly don't want this thing that I used to want. I don't want this dream that I used to want. Something suddenly doesn't feel right.

Speaker 1: 2:26

And what will happen so often for a lot of us is that we have that moment. I myself have had. I've had this moment. I had it in hair I mean many years before I stopped doing hair when I just like completely cut and just left that career, like she completely cut and left fashion design, which maybe that is what was fully, fully, fully intended. I believe that we do unfold in the way that it's intended, but we sometimes don't see those signs yet and there's a lot of unfurling that happens for us between that first moment and the next moment and so much growth. That is amazing.

Speaker 1: 3:01

And there's also that thought of like what if I had known in that moment? What if I had known in that moment and really noticed that there was a misalignment for myself? How might things have been different? What switch might I have made?

Speaker 1: 3:17

And I believe that sometimes we might hear a story like Kristen's in a certain moment to help us wake up. Before the 2 am moment, before we have that huge wake-up call. This might very well be your wake-up call to turn inward and to look and to see where might I feel guilty? Where might I feel guilty to quit? Where might I feel guilty to quit something that is no longer in alignment for me, it's no longer bringing me joy, it's not for me anymore. And there's, where am I missing the signs? Where have the signs been there? But I have felt shame around potentially quitting, potentially not doing that thing. This can come to so many things. Y'all.

Speaker 1: 4:06

We're talking a lot about career on this podcast because that's actually my soul's purpose is to support people in their careers. So we're talking about career. We're also talking about so many things because the way that we do one thing is the way that we do all things. One thing is the way that we do all things. So if we're continuing to do tiny things, itty bitty, micro moments in our life where we're doing it because we feel guilty, quitter's guilt can go down to being the one in your family who gets groceries. Maybe you used to like it. This was me.

Speaker 1: 4:46

I loved getting when I very first started grocery shopping. I grocery shopped for my grandma. I loved it. I loved it. I actually really, really really enjoyed going and getting. My grandma would eat Marie Collender's pot pies, cheez-its, cheetos. Those were the three things that were always on her list. Sometimes there might be ice cream. She was 90 years old. She got to eat whatever the hell she wanted. Sometimes my mom would be like will you throw some healthy things in grandma's cart? And I'm like mom, I go clean out her fridge. She does not eat them. She eats Cheetos, she eats Cheez-Its. She eats Marie Collender's pot pies and sometimes she eats ice cream and sometimes she eats cookies. That's what she eats. She's 90. She gets to eat it.

Speaker 1: 5:25

I probably liked grocery shopping for my grandma because she only liked to eat things that are really yummy. Anyway, I loved it. But as I grew older I stopped liking grocery shopping. I don't like to grocery shop. And my husband and I had told him you know what, I'm going to start grocery shopping at the beginning of this year. And it came to January and I'm like I really don't want to grocery shop. And I realized that I was just offering to do it out of guilt, but not because I actually wanted to do it. And he's like well, I like grocery shopping. So why are you, why are you even offering to do this? But we will offer to do things.

Speaker 1: 5:59

I did this with a friend's baby recently. I offered to babysit the baby without even thinking do I actually want to? And when it came down to it, when she asked me if I wanted to, I said you know what? I've got to be fully honest with you and honest with myself. I don't like babysitting. I don't. I have chosen to be childless for a reason I love kids, I love your kid, I love that you love them and I would love to hang out with you together. But I don't want to babysit. I don't want to do it. It's really hard to do that.

Speaker 1: 6:32

But you know, what is even harder is constantly doing something that you don't want to do. That is completely out of alignment for you and your joy doing it because you feel guilty or doing it because you feel like you have to. This is what I'm talking about when I say untethered. We've got to untether from all of the things that we're doing simply out of guilt. Do everything from a place of joy. It's like we're Marie Kondo-ing our lives and saying, does this bring me joy? And we don't do it if it doesn't.

Speaker 1: 7:04

And there are times because there could be little things in your day. There are little things with a podcast that I don't love to do. Of course there are little things that are not my favorite things that I love to do. But when I get quiet with myself and I say, do I want to do this? It's like yes, because you really enjoy it and you love your podcast. It's really aligned to your soul's mission. Now I could get quiet and say is this something that somebody else would do? Would that bring me joy? And we can think about those kinds of things A lot of times.

Speaker 1: 7:37

I realize, oh yes, I remember this is something that is genuinely bringing me joy and sometimes it's not. So we have to get quiet with ourselves and let ourselves be so honest. We're not even honest with ourselves most of the time. How could we be honest with the world around us if we're not being honest with ourselves? And if you need a book I've talked about this book many times on this podcast, but if you need a book to help you work through what it means to be honest with yourself and to be genuinely truthful with yourself, read the Way of Integrity by Martha Beck. It is a step-by-step process of guiding you back home to your true integrity.

Speaker 1: 8:22

So if you feel like you know what I have, I'm realizing I have so much of this I don't even know. I don't even know what I really want. Do I want to babysit the kid? Do I want to grocery shop? Do I want to be doing these tasks at my job? Do I like this job? Is this really what I want to be doing? It used to be my dream. Is it still? Should I stay? Because sometimes being in that career is actually meant for you. It's just that you've taken on all of these tasks within that job or it's somehow not in the right environment for you. It might be the right job in the wrong environment, it might not be the right team, it might not be the right attitude. It could be so many different things but we aren't honest with ourselves a lot of times. A lot of times, we're just like I just need to get the hell out of here, which also might be true. It also might be true. Well, here's how we can cut through the noise.

Speaker 1: 9:11

This question that Kristen offered in her episode cuts straight to the truth. You can go read that whole book by Martha Beck, which is really great, and I do recommend it if you haven't read it yet. You can also ask yourself this question, because it's basically what Martha Beck's entire book is talking about. What would I do if it was completely up to me? This can be in this moment. What would I be doing if it was completely up to me? This can be in my job. What would I be doing if it was completely up to me? This can be big life scape. What would I be doing if it was completely up to me? This can be big life scape. What would I be doing if it was completely up to me? But I would start right now. If it was completely up to me, what would I be doing right now? No holds barred, don't you dare stop that moment of joy from dropping in. Open it up. Open it up. What would I do? What would I be doing right now, on this Thursday at 9 am or whatever time it is, if money was not an issue, if family was not an issue, if your current responsibilities were not an issue?

Speaker 1: 10:30

There is a huge kernel of truth for you there. Let yourself be really, really, really honest. Maybe you would be in a sauna by yourself with a book. Do people read in saunas? By yourself with a book, do people read in saunas? Where would you be? And maybe you have five kids and a husband and a really wild house. Be really honest with yourself, because if that is true, you're like I just want quietude, because then you need that. If that answer to that is, I want silence with a book and that's all that I want, you have got to invite that joy into your life in some way you have got to.

Speaker 1: 11:15

Your task is to create a parameter for that somehow in your life. And if your answer was, I would be on a beach right now. If your answer was, I would be on a beach right now. I would be sitting on a beach with the sun on my skin. My question would be how can you get that feeling? What is that feeling we want to zone in on? What is the feeling of me on the beach? Oh, it's no responsibilities, or whatever it might be for you. It's that feeling of no responsibilities. Okay, your task, because we're taking this big picture. We want to welcome more of that into your life. That's what brings you joy. That's what you've just gotten to a kernel of truth with this question. What would I do if it was completely up to me? So you've got to bring that into your life somewhere.

Speaker 1: 12:01

And if it's no responsibilities, your task that I would give you as a coach is there is a half a day every single week. You have no responsibilities, nothing. You cut everything off, the computer is off, the phone is off, family is gone. You find some way and if you can't do a half a day, you do 10 minutes. Maybe you do 10 minutes a day, but you have some time that you are gifting yourself.

Speaker 1: 12:26

We have so much more control over this than we think we do. You do. You have control over this because every decision that you are currently living is a decision that you made for yourself. It's all always been up to you all along. We're always making decisions that are crafting our life.

Speaker 1: 12:49

Now, of course, they're socioeconomic I'm not ignoring those things that are very real and, at the same time, we actually ignore our own power. It's the thing that we've all been the most blind to our entire lives is our actual power of choice and the choices that we are making in every moment, because we just keep making the choices that we feel like we need to be making. We're just making the choices that our grandparents made and our great-grandparents made, and it was all just passed down to us, and we think that it's the only way, because our biology is physically telling us that your epigenetics, your genes, are turning on in various scenarios and telling you this is what you need to do, because that's made your human body and your brain very efficient. But the truth is that it's not what you have to do. It's simply what a what would I do if it was completely up to me? This is going to remove all of that quitter's guilt right from you, because you'll know that this is what matters to me and that quitter's guilt just totally. It's like magic. When you follow your joy, guilt goes away because there's no guilt when you're in alignment, because you know. You know what is meant for you, you know what brings you joy and you start to see that it's bringing so many other people joy all around you. So invite this question into your heart today and see what comes up for you.

Speaker 1: 14:21

And in fact, because it's Thursday, we're going to take some time, if you would like to, at the end of this episode to breathe in to that question. Let's really let ourselves feel it. If you're in a space where you can completely quiet yourself down and close down your eyes and be still, please join me in doing that. If you're walking and you're on a hike, that's great too. You can just keep a nice soft gaze. If you're driving, you can ask yourself the question very quietly. Please keep your eyes open and your full awareness on the road.

Speaker 1: 14:54

If you're able to take a seat with me, take a big inhale into the nose, filling up your belly, big, full, slow inhale, exhaling completely, breathing in, bringing your awareness to the places where the seat beneath you is meeting the backs of your legs, your sit bones, your low back. If there's a seat behind you, taking an inhale filling up the belly and, on your exhale, letting that seat hold you 10% more. When you're ready, we're going to begin breathing into the nose and out through the mouth. Nice, deep belly breath on the inhale, slow, long exhale, beginning that breath when you're ready, bringing your awareness to the sensations of the breath as it moves into your body, the sensations of breath as it exits the belly, the lungs, the mouth, noticing the cool texture of the air as it flows into the nose and the warm air as it moves out through the mouth when you're ready. We're going to call in this question, releasing all judgment on this exhale, on this next inhale, inviting curiosity.

Speaker 1: 17:39

What would I do in this moment if it was completely up to me? Inhaling curiosity, exhaling any judgment limitation, just allowing the answer, and maybe that answer comes in a word, a phrase, maybe it comes in a sensation or a feeling, an emotion. What would you be doing right now? There were no limits. If anything was possible. What would you be doing?

Speaker 1: 18:46

Noticing how you might have some feelings or sensations arise alongside whatever that response is, recognizing that some of those sensations might be clues to your greatest joy, to what it is that you are meant to be here doing on this planet. Breathing in to those sensations if you feel them, exhaling any resistance, any of that accidental judgment, any of that quitter's guilt? Inhaling once more, exhaling completely, placing a hand on your heart, thanking yourself for giving you this moment to ask this question, something so many people rarely do, to invite curiosity and to let go of judgment. Just really letting yourself hear what's authentic and true to you when you're ready, bringing your awareness back to the seat to you. When you're ready, bringing your awareness back to the seat beneath you, feeling your sit bones on the chair once again, whatever seat is beneath you, blinking your eyes open, recalibrating back to the space that you're in, remembering what you heard today, carrying it forward with you, beautiful. Thank you so much for joining me in this visualization and this moment of breath. Really powerful transformations can happen just in these short sessions when we allow ourselves to really drop in with curiosity and to ask ourselves what is it that we want?

Speaker 1: 21:02

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If there was something really beautiful and magical for you in it and you think somebody else would enjoy it, I encourage you to share this episode with that person. That's really what this is all about is inviting ourselves to be our most untethered and true selves and helping others to do the same. If you really enjoyed the episode, you can also take a screenshot and share it on social media. Share it with all your friends. You can tag me on Tethered Jen. I will always reshare your post. Huge thank you to Kristen Lee Geiger, who inspired this episode. Go check out her episode from Tuesday if you haven't yet. Thanks again for listening. It means the world to me that you would you just keep shining your magical unicorn light out there for all to see. I'll see you next time. Bye.