Transcript of: 

MY PARALLEL LIFE 

SEASON 1, EPISODE 9 

Daniel and The Realization that Porter Could Actually Be More Unpleasant Under Different Circumstances 

THEME MUSIC: PATAGONIA NIGHTS BY ABIRD 

RECORDER CLICKS ON 

OUTSIDE NOISES 

DANIEL: I’m standing in front of the doorway, and something looks… wrong about it. It used to look like a newly created, brightly painted, perfectly detailed doorway of bronze hinges and grey wood, now the hinges have flakey bits of glittery rust on them and the wood… i-it’s cracking. 

SOUNDS OF DOOR OPENING 

DANIEL: Ugh, god. The smell is… overpowering. 

WHISPERING/TUNNEL SOUNDS 

DANIEL: It looks like maybe the tunnel suffered a small cave-in? I think I can still get through. Let me turn on the flashlight app, too. Extra light and all.

SOUND OF PHONE VIBRATING IN HIS HAND 

DANIEL: Uh, hello? Oh hey, Dad. 

TYRONE: Daniel! Why haven’t you been picking up your phone? What was even the point of me getting it for you if you ignore my calls? 

DANIEL: I-- I wasn’t ignoring your calls. My phone was, uh, on, uh silent. I didn’t want the interviews with Mrs. Greene to be disturbed, so I just switched it--

TYRONE: Your interview was 4 hours ago, Daniel! Where were you all this time? 

DANIEL: ...it ran long. And we got food. I mean me and Porter and Katie and Jorge. I just forgot to switch the phone back to normal. 

TYRONE: I can’t keep having this conversation with you, Daniel. You can’t leave me in the dark. After last time… and what happened with your mother… after everything we talked about... I-I thought you knew better. 

DANIEL: ... I’m sorry. 

TYRONE: So, you’re on your way back home? I wish you texted me telling me you might get dinner with your friends. I wouldn’t have waited. 

DANIEL: You… waited? I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t realize that they would invite me. I didn’t think it through. 

TYRONE: (SIGHS) Okay. Just come home. I’ll eat, and maybe we can have dessert together. I got hazelnut ice cream. 

DANIEL: I’ll be right there, Dad. I’m a few blocks away. 

PHONE CLICK 

DOOR CLOSING 

RECORDER CLICKS OFF 

RECORDER CLICKS ON 

BEEP 

KATIE: Heyy, Danny. I know I just saw you a few hours ago. Kinda weird to be doing the old school voicemail thing, huh? I just feel like I express myself better verbally than over text. Don’t you hate getting long texts and trying to decipher like, the hidden or not so hidden meaning? Oh...well, I guess you don’t. You’re a writer person. You probably love long rambling text messages. That’s probably, like, your catnip. I mean. I guess I’m a writer person now too! Sort of. Anyway, that’s what I called to talk to you about so... see! My rambling had a reason! It was just… I know my articles are a little… out there sometimes. But um, I just wanted to say thanks for including me in all of this. I hope I don’t seem like I’m being too jokey about everything. I really… it was really cool to be able to talk to Mrs. Greene about Rose and everything and the fact that we got to do that and that there’s gonna be an article about her and that… you know, even my movie/book comparisons. It’s not something that I would have done before and you’re the reason. So, um. Thanks. And if you don’t want to listen to this, you can totally have the iphone transcribe it to text! Anyway, later. 

PHONE CLICK 

BEEP 

PORTER: Uh, Katie is making me thank you. K-katie! Go away! I am not… I’m not leaving a freaking voicemail with you staring so hard at me! (SIGHS) Yeah. Well. um. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to thank you for. Like, obviously, the Rose article was a good idea but it was Jorge’s idea, so. I don’t know, your newspaper is not that lame after all, I guess. Sorry again if I was like, weird, at the interview. -II don’t know what to say at those kinds of, uh.But, I mean. You guys knew what you were doing. So. It worked out. But um, you know. I guess if you need a game review to fill up space or something like you said. I could, try or whatever. IS THAT ENOUGH KATIE, JESUS. 

PHONE CLICK 

BEEP 

JORGE: Hey, this is Jorge Perrara from Easton High. Thank you for being my best friend. 

PORTER: (FROM A DISTANCE) The fu--- 

PHONE CLICK 

DANIEL: (LAUGHING)

RECORDER CLICKS ON 

OUTSIDE NOISES 

DANIEL: I’m standing in front of the passageway again… I can’t stop thinking about its disintegration. Is it going to decay into nothing? Will I be stuck in my Shitty Life? 

PATAGONIA NIGHTS PLAYS 

DANIEL: Will I never see my happy home life again and just be forced to contend myself to living a life I didn’t choose for myself but was chosen for me by random circumstances? But then again, my parents didn’t choose to get divorced randomly… they thought about it for a long time and decided that my mom can live her dream and my dad would give her his blessing. That wasn’t random at all. When I go back to Doesn’t Suck, I’m stuck with the knowledge that my mom is secretly unhappy but may not even know it. But I know it. Maybe I can help her more around the house… and what about my friends? And I really like Katie and Jorge, they’re such a weirdly good pair. Even Porter isn’t bad if I could ever get him to like me. He’s an asshole… but he looks out for his friends. I guess I never really had a group of friends before. I mean there were... people but mostly it was just Lola. And Lola ... she’s the greatest, but we’ve been having a… a minute. It’s nice to have other people to goof off with… I didn’t realize I was... missing that. 

DANIEL: God, to even imagine I’d get to have two lives permanently. What a joke! What happened to Rose? Did she choose to leave her life for greener pastures of another one? I couldn’t be the only person who gets a passageway to a better life. Maybe she had a choice and she made it. Maybe her tunnel disintegrated like mine is doing now, so she made this… insane hard choice. Between her mother and something… else she couldn’t live without… and the way things are going, I’m gonna have to make that choice too… And the crazy thing is, this call should be no call at all. When I made those keep everything straight charts all those weeks ago, I called this world Shitty Life and the other one Doesn’t Suck. I was always gonna have to choose and I was always gonna choose the version of my life that by my own words, doesn’t suck. It’s really… going to be about one thing: will I be able to break my Dad’s heart? Is having a life with 2 parents, a great house, going to private school with my best friend, worth it? No one in Doesn’t Suck will miss me if I stay here, but if I leave my Shitty Life, my Dad will be the same as Rose’s mom. Asking questions that there will never be any answers to. Isn’t it crueler that I force my Dad through my disappearances, only to come back and taunt him with my appearance? If I’ve always known that I’d choose the other life? Why then, do I stay and keep making friends and taking on projects and treating this like it’s my permanent real life? It has already become so difficult to leave… everything. 

RECORDING CLICKS OFF 

RECORDING CLICKS ON 

DOESN’T SUCK MUSIC 

DANIEL: This is going to be a bit… weird. I know that. 

MUSIC ENDS 

DANIEL: Fuck it, I’m sentimental, I guess? Why am I apologizing to this recording? Look, I’m in Easton High, but I’m also in Doesn’t Suck. The world in which I never went to Easton High. No one knows me here--Oh, hey, Mr. Gordon-- shit. 

MR. GORDON: (DISTANT) Excuse me? Do you go to this school? I don’t think we met? I thought I knew all the students here… 

DANIEL: (CALLING BACK TO THE TEACHER) I’m just visiting my cousin! I don’t know you at all! Bye! (PAUSE) That was suave, I think. 

DOOR OPENING 

OUTSIDE NOISES 

DANIEL: Now I’m outside, and there! There they are, the Weeds. My… friends. I don’t want to lose you guys when I move back to my real life. 

PORTER: Your whole arm is sticky! Don’t- don’t touch me! Argh!! 

KATIE: Look, it’s called a Ring Pop for a reason! It’s retro! Just try it! 

PORTER: I’m not tasting your gross hand, Katie-- hey, hold on. Excuse me, are you recording us? 

DANIEL: Hey, Port-- shit, I’m doing it again-- I mean, hey, you don’t know me, but I heard a lot about you and wanted to say hey. My name is-- 

PORTER: How did you hear a lot about us? 

DANIEL: Oh! I-I have a friend who goes to--

PORTER: What friend? 

DANIEL: Well there’s, uh, Janice… 

PORTER: Weird. 

DANIEL: And Mike J. 

KATIE: Stinky… 

DANIEL: And um, Olga? 

JORGE: She doesn’t speak English, bro. 

DANIEL: And, uhh... well, I... I was talking to Mr. Gordon… 

KATIE: Who’s that? 

DANIEL: Your... ELA teacher… 

JORGE MUNCHING CHIPS

PORTER: How do you know what class Katie is in? Are you following her? 

JORGE: Not cool bro. 

DANIEL: No! I have… I just heard you guys were cool from a friend and I only mentioned Mr. Gordon because he worked with my advisor at Paulson and he uh, I asked about you guys and he said you were um, smart… 

KATIE: This is not believable, my dude. 

PORTER: No, Katie. This guy is not your dude. Listen-- 

DANIEL: I’m Daniel… 

PORTER: I don’t give a fuck what your name is, asshole. Because you’re either a) the most conspicuous narc of all time or b) you’re a fucking creep with a Katie obsession and you need to step the hell back because Jorge and I would be happy to end any weird ideas you have about her really quick if you get too close. 

DANIEL: How, how, how can there be an even more unpleasant version of you? It’s almost impressive. Look, I swear, I’m not...uh, I’m not any of the things you think. I have a legitimate reason-- 

PORTER: Oh my god, Why are you still talking? Are you fucking brain dead? I mean, How can I be more clear here? You’re weirding us out. Take a hint and get lost. No random name drop is going to save face with us right now because we don’t hang out with other losers at this school. Nice try, move along, find another chick to creep on or better yet, don’t. 

DANIEL: Rose! Rose Greene! 

KATIE: Wh… what? How could you know Rose? She’s been in therapy since 7th grade... are you in therapy with her? She… talks about me? 

DANIEL: Er… yes. I mean, yes! Yes, we share a therapist and we met at the… at the, uh… 

KATIE: Edward Danhauser Home for the Insane?

DANIEL: What? I mean, yes. What, really? 

PORTER: Okay, okay, now we’re really done here. Home for the Insane, are you fucking kidding me right now? 

KATIE: That’s just what me and Rose call it. Private joke. It’s really just The Edward Danhauser Psychiatric Institute. 

DANIEL: You and Rose… talk? 

PORTER: Listen, asshole. I don’t know what the hell your game is, but you have seconds to-- 

KATIE: Shh, Porter, relax already. It’s all right, he’s Rose’s friend. Of course he’s a little weird. 

DANIEL: I’m not weird! I’m going for friendly? 

PORTER: That’s her way of saying crazy. (SIGHS) Look, if you escaped the Home or whatever, we don’t have to call the cops. I’m not… you know… a call-the-cops kinda guy. But you need to go back there. You’re scaring us normal people. 

JORGE: That’s offensive, bro. I think the term is... actually, I don’t know. But it’s not cool. The people in that place are uh... differently abled. 

PORTER: Et tu, Jorge? 

DANIEL: (FRUSTRATEDLY) I didn’t escape from anywhere! I just talked to Rose for a few minutes and she mentioned Katie with such warmth, that I thought it would be nice to meet her if I was in the neighborhood. Which I was right now. That’s all. I’m… I’m going. Thanks a lot. 

KATIE: (DISTANT) Aw, Port. You were a little mean to him. 

PORTER: (DISTANT)I probably saved your life. You can thank me by passing that pen.

RECORDER CLICKS OFF 

RECORDER CLICKS ON 

OUTSIDE NOISES 

DANIEL: Well, that was shitty. Porter is such a barrier between… everything. I don’t know what it is about me that he reads as an attack, but apparently he reads me that way no matter how I play it. If I wanted to actually...see those guys again, I’d have to put in time. Now that they think I escaped some asylum, that will be even harder. Ugh. But… now, at least I know that Rose is in this world… and I know where she is. Which may not have been my mission today, but is probably better than I could have hoped for. If I can talk to Rose she might actually have answers to my questions. Wouldn’t that be novel? Someone to talk to about this with instead of a tape recorder. No offense. 

RECORDER CLICKS OFF 

RECORDER CLICKS ON 

DANIEL: There it is… the Edward Danhauser Psychiatric Institute. DOOR OPENS 

PEOPLE TALKING SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND 

DANIEL: Oh, good, the help desk. 

DANIEL: Um, excuse me, Miss uh... Jane? 

HELP DESK JANE: Just Jane, please. How may I help you, sir? 

DANIEL: I’m looking for a… patient. She’s a friend of mine from… well, her name is Rose Greene. 

JANE: Visiting hours are at noon to 6 pm. Is she expecting you? 

DANIEL: Uh, n… no. It’s a surprise, I guess? We haven’t been in touch in a while.

JANE: Okay, I understand, sir. Name please? 

DANIEL: Daniel Jones. 

JANE: Why don’t you take a seat right there and I’ll call you up and see if she’d like a visitor today? 

DANIEL: Thank you, Mrs… er, Jane. 

SOUNDS OF PEOPLE WAITING FOR THEIR 

APPOINTMENTS 

SOME GUY: Do we really have to see your father twice a week? 

SOME LADY: If you want that inheritance, Jack, you should be here at least that much! You know I have seven sisters! 

JANE: Mr. Daniel Jones? 

DANIEL: Yes, here! 

JANE: Right. Take the second elevator on the right, go up to the third floor, and go down the hall called Neale Lane. She’s in Room 215. She’s expecting you. You have 45 minutes-- 

SOUND OF A RINGING PHONE 

JANE: No phones in the hallway, Mr. Jones. 

DANIEL: It’s… Lola. 

JANE: I don’t know who that is and anyway, it doesn’t matter who it is.

DANIEL: No, no, no, I get it. I just have to take this before I go up. 

JANE: You have 45 minutes starting from now, you may use your time as you’d like.

PHONE PICKING UP 

DANIEL: Lola? Hey, how are you feeling? 

LOLA: (SNIFFLING) Hey, Daniel. I’m… how are you? 

DANIEL: Is everything alright, Lo? Are you crying? 

LOLA: Oh, no, no, no, no. Just my cold. It’s… lingering, I guess. Where are you now? 

DANIEL: I’m at a hospital-- 

LOLA: What? Are you okay? Is your mom okay? 

DANIEL: Yes! Everyone is fine. It’s not that kind of hospital. It’s for people who… need continuous therapy. 

LOLA: Um, why are you there? 

DANIEL: Uhhh… for a project. I’m interviewing people about the circumstances of being in a place like this and whether it’s helpful or a deterrent to getting better. I have set up an interview today with someone who is our age, to keep it relevant with our readership. 

LOLA: ...that’s great, Daniel. You’re really coming into your own as a writer, you know that? I bet… with ideas like that… you’ll write some really powerful stuff this year. I’m just glad to hear you’re okay. 

DANIEL: Me? You’re the one who’s... was sick… 

LOLA: (HICCUPY LAUGH) Thanks for remembering. 

DANIEL: Lo-- 

LOLA: I’m just kidding, Daniel. It’s… it’s fine. Hey, so, I-I won’t take up too much of your time. I just wanted to… my dad wants me to get rid of a bunch of my junk and the charity is doing their pickup tomorrow. I have a bunch of books that I think you’d like. If you get a chance, swing by and pick them up after the interview, OK? But um, today, OK? Maybe an hour or so from now, if you want them. 

DANIEL: Sure, Lo. Are you sure you’re-- 

MUSIC (DON’T STRAY INSTRUMENTAL) PLAYS 

LOLA: I know I haven’t been around lately due to… this cold, but it’s nice to see that you’ve been doing really well… at the newspaper, I mean. Without me. Er, constantly handing you assignments. You… you really gave yourself a project, huh? That’s very proactive of you. You don’t need me at all. 

DANIEL: I need you! 

LOLA: Nah, you don’t, bro. 

MUSIC ENDS 

A-anyways, I got to go pack.... up my books. See you later. 

PHONE CLICKS OFF 

DANIEL: Jeez. 

JANE: Your girlfriend sounds dramatic. 

DANIEL: She’s not my-- 

JANE: Please pin your badge to your shirt. You have 36 minutes with Miss Greene. 

DANIEL: (MUTTERING) So… precise. 

RECORDER CLICKS OFF 

RECORDER CLICKS ON 

ELEVATOR DING

ELEVATOR DOOR OPENING 

HALLWAY NOISES (TALKING IN DISTANCE) 

DOOR OPENING 

DANIEL: Um, Rose? Rose Greene? Hi, I’m Daniel 

ROSE: It’s you… 

DANIEL: It’s… me? What do you mean? 

MUSIC (EXTREME VIOLENCE) PLAYS 

ROSE: … I’ve seen you before. 

MUSIC (EXTREME VIOLENCE) PLAYS 

CONTINUOUS THROUGH CREDITS 

But I had stopped believing that you… that any of you… were real. 

DANIEL: ...what did you say? 

RECORDER CLICKS OFF 

TIM: My Parallel Life is written and produced by Vera Greentea and Jasmine Brown. The audio for this podcast is recorded and mixed by Mike Umile. Music is created and performed by aBIRD. My Parallel Life stars LC Witter, Julian Thomas, Shiree Nicholas Christopher, Steph Marie Alvarez, Louis Walker, Jayme Face, Timothy Rodriguez, Rajiv Miller, Siera Louis Gene and Jasmine Brown. Website and credits are by Timothy Rodriguez. 

To learn more about My Parallel Life and the fantastic crew of people who make it, visit our website: jumpycatstudios.com. If you’d like to help us spread the word, please give us a five star review and tell your friends to subscribe at any major podcast platform. This episode’s a wrap, see you in another dimension!