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Secrets From a Coach - Debbie Green & Laura Thomson's Podcast
Secrets From a Coach - Debbie Green & Laura Thomson's Podcast
201. Preparation Empowers Confidence
Welcome to our new mini-series where we explore how Confidence Enables Success. What does confidence mean to you? We define it as a general sense of capability in how we face new challenges and self-belief to keep focused on success during life's up and downs. In this first episode we focus on the impact feeling prepared has on how confident we feel inside.
The opposite of the 'fake it til you make it' approach, we take a look at the benefits of taking the time to practice and invest the hours in the preparation process. Whether preparing for an interview, presentation, tricky conversation or renegotiating a boundary - doing the homework of purposeful prep empowers you to hold your nerve in that moment. If cockiness shouts, then confidence whispers and it can be inspiring to acknowledge that behind most success stories there has been hours of practice to enable and sustain that performance.
As AI becomes mainstream in reducing task workload, sometimes there are benefits of going the long way around a challenge. Putting in the prep gives you the depth and self-belief that you know your stuff; even if unsuccessful in that moment, it may enable you to 'wing it' in a similar situation later.
A useful listen for those looking to step up their confidence and empower themselves in their role, or boost others towards fulfilling their success.
Curious for more? Check out our relevant episodes:
Ep. 144 Shift From Imposter to Empower
Ep. 141 Handling Self-Doubt
Ep. 117 Relaxed Readiness Enables Agility
Ep. 1 Shedding the Imposter Syndrome (our very first one!)
Secrets from a coach Thrive and maximise your potential in the evolving workplace. Your weekly podcast with Debbie Green of Wishfish and Laura Thompson-Staveley of Phenomenal Training Debs.
Speaker 2:Lor, welcome back.
Speaker 1:Welcome back. Here we go, new season, here we go. New four-part series. How's life been?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's been all right. Actually, it's gone so quick. What's happened? It's like, wow, I can't believe. We left just before the summer and we had our lovely summer shots and we chilled on the beach and we zip-wired to the end of the earth and back again and went relaxing and we heard from so many great people and now it's like, oh my God, we're back talking about all stuff. That's amazing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all back and you'll be pleased to know we've got a lovely array of guests and really excited about this, and so can't wait to share that with you. This miniser series is all about confidence enables success. So, debs, we are going to look at that title from a number of different perspectives whether that is making a change in your career and it's never too late to have the confidence to take yourself in hand and change the story Whether that is looking at how to engage and inspire a community of followers to be confident in creating their own sort of career pathway. Or whether it is doing things that are way out of your comfort zone that, upon reflection, actually are probably really useful for your confidence. And from seeing things from a different perspective and we're going to start off with you and I on our episode we are Looking at how preparation empowers confidence. Yes, so, first off, how would you define confidence and what is its role at the moment here in this ever-evolving world of work landscape that we find ourselves in?
Speaker 2:Yeah, For me, I always like that saying where it's the quiet inner knowledge that you're capable. So it's not about being this brash, this cocky, self-absorbed person that's going look at me. It's not that. It's also not about faking it till you make it. It's having that understanding and real clarity around who you are, what you're great at, what maybe you're not so great at, which is work in progress, but that quiet inner knowledge that you are capable. For me, that sums it up.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love it. So. Cocky shouts, wisdom whispers, is it like that?
Speaker 2:Oh, I like that very much. So, yeah, definitely, it's such a and it's such an important topic at the moment. I think, laura, we were doing a couple of sort of one-to-ones with different people and if I probably saw six people in a day and four of those people came up with confidence being something that they'd like to work on. And, as you were saying, it's just inner confidence, it's outward confidence, it's the ability to bring people and people to trust them. So outward confidence, it's the ability to bring people and people to trust them, so to have the confidence to sell a story and to come up with an idea. So I think it's so multi-dimensional, multi-layered, but it is such an important thing to consider in the world of work today, and everybody's will be different because we are all different and our levels of confidence will be different depending on what we're faced with.
Speaker 2:If we're doing something for the very first time, we may be sharing a bit of nervousness around that. It's also, I think, a little bit around when we have not done something and we start to compare with others. That's the other thing that I see some people do yeah, but they're doing it like this and they're doing it like that, and I always say so, how do you want to do it? And they go oh, so it's like, can I? And it's really interesting to have that conversation with people, because if we are comparing ourselves with others, we're actually, I suppose, giving ourselves permission to not be good, and we've got to think about that comparison.
Speaker 2:Is it something that is going to harm you because it makes you think you're rubbish and no good, or is it something that might help you because it might be something that you aspire to be? Or you look at them and you think, oh my God, let me have a conversation with them to find out how they've done that themselves. So I think it's a really interesting one comparisons. Personally, I'd stop and just look at you and think about what you're good at. I think about the language. How you talk to yourself is really important and how you can own a decision you're making. Learn from it if it doesn't go quite as well, and don't beat yourself up about it, but also celebrate it. If you've made a decision and it's gone, well then celebrate the fact you have, as you said, the gone.
Speaker 1:Well then celebrate the fact you have, as you said, the wisdom is gonna, you know, live with you forever, right and in our many chats leading up to putting this series together, I think one of the things that sort of came out because confidence is such a huge umbrella term for so many different things yeah, so whether it is confidence to step into a tricky conversation, confidence to put your hand up saying, yeah, I don't mind doing a presentation at the next get together, or whether it's confidence to go for a role or to hold a boundary, or to relook at how you might be prioritizing tasks, et cetera.
Speaker 1:So whatever that confidence is, it's that sort of, as you said, that feeling of I can do this and where we wanted to sort of link it to, almost like the homework that goes behind, that is, you don't just wake up one day going I've had one coaching session now. I'm confident. It's the process that sort of sits behind that, and I think what I've sort of learned the hard way over the years is just the simple act of being prepared. A simple act of being prepared, so you are ready at the moment in which you are called upon, whether that's planned or not, and then you can, for example, show up in that moment of the best. And yeah, it sort of reminds me of when I first set up self-employed work for myself. So this is what probably 15, 16 years ago, and there was um, no, it wasn't. It was when I had my first wake up and smell the silicon moment about all the robot stuff 2016 2016, it's ingrained within me because you talk about the robots all the time
Speaker 1:and that date is imprinted in my brain well, this moment is imprinted in my brain because I'm a bit embarrassed about how I missed an opportunity, okay, and I think I think they wouldn't have known and the universe wouldn't have known I missed an opportunity, but I did so. I used to carry around with me my little big toy robot thing that used to do all the dancing.
Speaker 2:All the dancing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I remember that, and there was a couple of events I'd done where I'd have this robot come out, like you know, walking behind me and it was all sort of really cool. Anyway, I was doing a piece of work for a PR agency Now a PR agency what better client can you get than someone who operates in the world of PR? And I had this moment of I was busy sort of parking the car and I remember thinking to myself, shall I take the robot with me to this office? And I didn't. I couldn't be bothered to carry that heavy bag as well as the other thing, so I left this robot there in the boot of the car, arrived and my God, it would have been a good opportunity to have just showcased it, talked about what was going on. I was there in a PR agency office and as soon as I arrived I kicked myself thinking that was a missed opportunity.
Speaker 1:That was because you couldn't be bothered to go through a tiny bit of effort to then sort of bring it along. But it taught me a lesson, which is always take the stuff that you think you might need. I mean, it means I have a very heavy bag, but that's another story, but you never know where you might be called upon or whether there might be an opportunity. And it just taught me a lesson how it doesn't require someone to be for particularly special. You don't have to have some huge, enormous talent. That is there that no one else in the world has, sometimes the sheer act of being prepared, so you're ready to be able to speak up or to say something in that moment, or, if you're more of an introvert, to tap someone on the shoulder and do it in a quieter way. Sometimes that is a bit that makes the difference. That then gives you that confidence in that moment to then enable success.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I mean, laura, the fact you've shared that is stuck with you all that time. The impact that that's had on you is huge really, and I suppose the wisdom is that you know you'll not do that again and you haven't, by the way. You will not do that again. But I think it's that ability to then think, oh, in that moment that could have crumbled you into a right quivering wreck, so your confidence would have just fallen out literally on the floor, through the floor, disappeared completely. So the ability to then come back from that, you have to have a level of confidence to then carry on through something like that and just I hate the word, wing it, but wing it, and to say, that's fine, and you know, and come away going. Ah, wing it, but wing it and to say that's fine, and you know, and come away going, ah, so run and beat yourself up. It's like, hmm, next time I'll do. And I think that's the knowledge that we get when we are, you know, going something through the first time, we haven't quite got it right the second time. It's that ability to have that level of self awareness to be able to cope with stuff like that and just go okay, lesson learned. They probably may not have even considered it, so for them it's been and gone and off their radar. But for you we can hang on to stuff like that. And that's what eats away then at our confidence, because the next time we might think oh okay, last time I did this, what if I did that again? Well, what if you didn't? Yeah, because you'd done your prep this time round and you'd be very mindful of the things you wanted to take and the things you needed to have with you. You were more ready to be able to step into that arena, wherever it might be, and have the confidence, because you knew you've got your backup stuff, if you like, and you had your whatever's in your suitcase, and we all carry a suitcase around.
Speaker 2:I was there last week running a workshop and I had a suitcase of random books. I had some big post-its, little post-its, I had some pens. I was like, okay, I've never worked with this client before, so I didn't know what they did have, so I had to preempt what they may not have. And you know what you get there and they go wow, you coming for a week or a day, I said just the day. And as you open this suitcase up, they go wow, you're prepared. So automatically, the confidence is there from them in the room to know that I haven't just rocked up with nothing. I've actually come with a suitcase of tricks, if you like, that we can use. And, to be fair, some of the stuff I never use, but the stuff I thought, well, I'm not sure I'll pull it in anyway, that was the stuff that I managed to pull out the bag where we needed to do a bit of an energizer. So it just shows you, doesn't it that?
Speaker 1:but here's the thing, debs, right? So the point at which you were packing and preparing your bag and this can be physical or this can be intellectually in your head as you're preparing for something, yeah, your brain was then going oh, I'll pack this and I'll pack that, and it is already creating pathways of opportunity. So you're prepared. If conflict resolution needs to be resolved or if there's a team thing, you're already prepared. So your brain, going through that simple step of preparing and packing your bag or planning in your mind, your brain is already equipped and is prepared if there are some curve balls that are thrown that way, absolutely. And that's one of the other things I think is quite interesting about, for example, using chat, gpt to do the heavy lifting.
Speaker 1:Some of the work we do and, as you would imagine, dev, we've been doing lots of thinking around. You know what role the human focus when. Let's use a very real example. So I'm at the moment preparing for a stage moment that I'm going to be doing for a dear client of ours and it's really important that it goes well, because there's mutually assured embarrassment on either side. If it doesn't go well, because 1,200 people bored or switched off in a hired theatre is not good for anyone, so of course, I'm there going.
Speaker 1:Why do I say yes to these things? Surely there must be an easy way to earn a living. But afterwards, oh, the buzz is real. Anyway, I could have gone on ChatGPT and I could have just got it to write me in under six minutes. I mean, probably would have been six seconds, but a bit of tweaking In six minutes I could have written that 10 minute talk structure, yeah, and I could have done that. I've done it the hard way, hours upon hours of agonizing over every sentence, how it flows in, making sure it all works, yeah. But what I'm starting to realize as we were preparing for this is that preparation, rather than that being it cost me X amount of hours.
Speaker 1:Preparation. What that means is is I have only minor tummy wobbles thinking about the event that's coming up because there's so many hours of prep that has gone into it. I just can't help but string some words together in that moment. That would make sense If I'd got the machine to do it and saved all of that time and then done other stuff with that time.
Speaker 1:I'm not sure I would have felt as prepared coming out from the wings standing on that stage as I would have been, having gone through the long way of doing the work myself, and I think it's going to be interesting to look at how our workforce remains confident and empowered in moments of pressure if we are increasingly using shortcuts to put the work in because everyone's overworked, under-resourced, et cetera. So I just I do wonder what the impact of on our confidence is going to be the more we rely on the machine to do our thinking Short term, it saves you time. I could have banged out a hundred more tasks that day, but the long way of going through the motions of that prep, I think that will probably pay dividends at the moment when I'm called upon and I've got that sort of defining moment.
Speaker 2:I think it's such a great example, laura, because if you're doing that to 1,200 people and you're the expert in that moment, sharing that knowledge, and then you open the floor up or someone catches you when you're mingling and networking and asks you a question, you can then pull on that knowledge that you've acquired because you put the hours in and the research in it to just respond super quick to that, rather than go oh, I'm not so sure, actually, because something else wrote it for you. And I think that in itself shows even more confidence, that outward confidence that says I stood up and spoken to you all, I've done my preparation, so you can ask me anything about it because I will have an answer to you, rather than sit there or stand there and go oh, let me come back to you on that one. That's not what they're going to believe, right? They're going to go. Oh, I thought she knew her stuff. So I'm with you on that, laura.
Speaker 2:I think you should do the prep and put the research in. I mean, we do that on these, right? We might spend a couple of hours researching, reading some random stuff, and then we might not use it, but we might not. But then we know we've done it, we might bring it into another one.
Speaker 1:So I think preparation is everything, but it keeps you humble, so I mean who knows what it's going to go like when I'm actually there on stage and I'm talking. A good game now, Debs.
Speaker 2:It'd be brilliant. As always, laura, you're just nailing it?
Speaker 1:Where's the sound engineer to move the blips when you need it? But anyway, fingers crossed, it all goes all right. But I think the point I would want to have told myself earlier on in my career is having to do the prep and going the long way is not evidence that you haven't got the talent or the ability that's demonstrating to yourself you value yourself enough, yes, to invest the time in, to feel prepared, so you can then own it in that moment, whether it's 10 minutes or whether it's a job at interview or whatever it might be. Having to do the homework is not because you're not, you haven't got the gift. It's honing that prep. That then means you can smash it in that moment and also to trust your worth as well.
Speaker 2:In that moment, you know you put the, the time in and and so therefore, you, you sort of stand there and go yeah, I do know my stuff that quiet, inner, inner knowledge that you are capable of delivering that message, and so therefore, you're trusting your worth as well, which I think is super important for people to just consider it. And I think sometimes, if we face our fears, we have to trust our choices in that. So potentially you might not have this might be the first time you've spoken to 1200 people I know it's not, but it could have been so that fear you might have leaning into that type of presentation could overwhelm you. But you actually know that you're trusting the choices you've made. You've done your prep, you know what you're going to say, you know if you take it off on a sidetrack. You know enough.
Speaker 2:You have that inner quiet confidence, if you like that. You've got the knowledge that you can enable you to deliver and I think you know that's and your uniqueness, which is also part of being confident, is there is only one you. No one else would deliver it like you. So when you're thinking about what do they say, what do? They always say copying is the biggest form of flattery. Is that what they say, or something?
Speaker 2:imitation, imitation, that's the word and you just think but it doesn't ring true. And I think that's that's when it becomes about you, because it'd be you standing up there, because you're super aware of what your strengths are. You're going to deliver something that's not necessarily going to be it way out of your comfort, but not out out of your comfort zone. So it's not like you're going to stand up there and talk about finance and budgets. That's not necessarily your gift Trigger warning.
Speaker 1:Exactly. Give me a warning.
Speaker 2:Bryce, but you're doing it from that authentic place, right. So you're trusting that there is only one you. You bring your strengths to it, you bring your knowledge, you bring your expertise and because you've done the prep work, yeah, you it. You bring your knowledge, you bring your expertise and because you've done the prep work, yeah, you'll go wherever. So the confidence that will come through, everybody else will will feel it and they will connect to it. If, especially if, you're face to face, because people wanna they will you to be good, um, and they will want to know that they can trust you. But you have to trust your. Thank you.
Speaker 1:And I think what has empowered me from all the hundreds of thousands of people that we sort of met is when you see someone absolutely smashing it and doing really well in whatever they're doing, and then when you then sort of inquire a little bit and you find out behind the scenes that's taken hours upon hours of practice to have smashed that five minute briefing, for example, and I think that was probably something I started to learn. I don't think I saw it when I was in a corporate, but certainly now, because we have just the privilege of speaking with so many different people in different stages of their careers and stuff, and it's finding out the backstory. And then what that does is it inspires you to think, well, if they can do it. But it just took time and it took prioritising things.
Speaker 1:So not watching TV and preparing that thing on an evening and then the choice is mine and actually if they did it then I could do it. So I think it's really inspiring, if number one, just finding out how did people get to do what they do? And just not many people have a shortcut to success. It's the long cut.
Speaker 1:I think that's probably quite useful for those of us who are well into the world of work to look at. That might not be the same for new people entering in. So I'm really looking forward to one of the interviews we've used that we've got later in this series looking at how to inspire next generation talent into a career, because career stories are quite different now in terms of how that works to different people. But also maybe, if you are someone in a position of influence, just to share some of that backstory, because you never know who that might be inspiring. Just knowing how the preparation that took to be behind the scenes to be able to do that you know thing in that moment, that's impressed someone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think so. And also, lord, just on that, I think if you have done the prep, then you know you've got it. You know enough about yourself to know I've got this, that I can do this, I've got this. I can't think what the word is at the moment, but there is this there's a difference between those that have prepped and own it, really get it, and those that haven't. And you can tell when you're standing up or you're in a workshop or you're working with people, especially in coaching, where those that have done the work oh my God, they have light bulbs left, right and center. They have so much insight, they're leading the session those that haven't done the work on themselves you find that you're asking a lot more questions of it because they just haven't done the work on themselves. You find that you're asking a lot more questions of it because they just haven't put the time in. And I always say do you think you're worth it? And they go well, yeah, of course. So what will you do differently to invest in yourself? So I always push that challenging question back because they have to.
Speaker 2:I think, people, you need to understand what you bring, what you're great at, what your strengths are where you need to continue to do some work on it, because that builds that inner belief and inner confidence which I think leads into having more resilience. To some extent, you're able to navigate your way through setbacks in a way that you may not have done before. I think it also means it gives you an opportunity to try new things, because that's how we do learn and continue to grow. It creates healthier relationships around you. With you, people will trust you and I think actually, ultimately, you have better performance because of it, because you put the prep in and you've cared. I think that's what it is you care enough to prep?
Speaker 1:Yeah, lovely Link. I think that's what it is. You care enough to prep? Yeah, lovely link. And just as you were saying, I was thinking when you said about the sort of resilience and I'm thinking so, let's say, someone has put hours of prep into a job interview and they didn't get that job interview.
Speaker 1:And I know, you know we've spoken to lots of people who have had setbacks and all that kind of stuff and I'm sure many of our listeners have had that experience of thanks. But you're number two on the list rather than number one. Unfortunately it's gone to another candidate. But that's where I think just thinking about the law of thermodynamics and energy can be quite useful. I'm not an expert in this, but I think is it?
Speaker 1:Law two, which is energy, is never lost. It just gets converted into another form. So that 10 hours prep that you put into really going through right in that application form, going through that interview, you might not have got it there, but all of that prep sits inside you, ready for that call to spring. Next time there is another chance conversation or a planned conversation where that info can come out. So I love the link you made between preparation gives you resilience because you might not have got it, game set and match in that particular go, but roll the clock forward a couple of months time and that prep that you put in could be the defining difference that enables you to be successful in that moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, and I think that's what we need to consider really, isn't it, when we think about our call to action? For me, I suppose in that would be about practicing all the things you know that are good for you. I know that sounds really simple, but when we talk about practicing self-care, you know sort of from making sure you're sleeping well, making sure you're eating healthily, you know, making sure you are exercising. Are you doing any meditation or timeout or journaling? Do those things. I think that is really important. Practice all of the things that you know are good for you, and then you'll have the confidence to do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 1:Love it, love it. Well, my share. The secret would be if you know someone in either your work or your personal network who's maybe feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. There's lots of change going on. They're feeling a bit at sixes and sevens Get them to listen to this.
Speaker 1:And there's no magic cure for confidence. As with all of those, these things, it's putting the miles in that then makes you a runner and giving that confidence. Just sometimes the simple, humble act of preparing quietly can just make a real difference. And the thing is is you don't get to see people's prep behind the scenes. All you see is the finished edit where it looks oh so glossy. People's prep behind the scenes All you see is the finished edit where it looks oh so glossy, but behind that might be hundreds of hours that has been on the cutting room floor, that hasn't made the final cut and hopefully this episode in terms of confidence enabling success, the light we've hopefully shone on this particular topic of our time is it's this preparation that can really empower confidence yeah, loved it, I love that.
Speaker 2:And then we've got guests coming up, haven't we? They're gonna take it into their experiences of what does that mean for them. So I can't wait for that, so I'll look forward to it next time law. Oh, it's gonna be brilliant new toys.
Speaker 1:We've got people to speak with different slams and, as always, getting that diversity of voice. Just sometimes, listening to people's stories, you never know what that might spark off in your own head. So really looking forward to that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, looking forward to it too. All right, then, lovely.
Speaker 1:I'll see you next week. I'll see you next week and we'll get on ChatGPT and write our script on it.
Speaker 2:No, we won't. No, we won't not having the robots do it. No, not yet. Not yet. This time next year, rodney, I'll be retired by then, oh, don't say that, debs she's not yet she's never gonna retire no, I'm not. I'm not, I love my job all right sweet, I'm a wonderful love you.
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