The Power of Community & Collaboration in SB Podcast
189) Promoting Claudia's Inspirational Event
May 07, 2024
Maureen Kafkis
Wow, I kind of like AI's dramatic yet resonating description for this episode where Claudia Chotzen and I talk about our upcoming in-person event in Santa Barbara! So for the first time ever, I am going to use AI's suggestions in the following paragraphs for a little fun. This episode is a testament to the magic that happens when personal breakthroughs are shared within a community. Claudia and I delve into the complexities of balancing life's simple joys with the profound endeavor of breaking through familial shame and crafting a public identity that's true to oneself. Hear about the emotional hurdles and the fortitude required to lay bare one's deepest struggles for the world to see. We also celebrate the importance of fellowship, laughter, and the simple pleasures like wine and cheese, which will be abundant at our upcoming local event. Our conversation is much more than a prelude to an event; it's an exploration of life's oscillations and an invitation to join a movement that supports authenticity, collective healing, and the beautiful synergy of collaboration.
I totally agree AI! It's a movement that is all about authenticity, collective healing and the beauty of collaboration. I am going to share some links with you here that I spoke about in the episode.
Click on the platform of your choice to listen to the latest episode, follow the podcast, and write a review so we can spread the news and reach more people!
Wow, I kind of like AI's dramatic yet resonating description for this episode where Claudia Chotzen and I talk about our upcoming in-person event in Santa Barbara! So for the first time ever, I am going to use AI's suggestions in the following paragraphs for a little fun. This episode is a testament to the magic that happens when personal breakthroughs are shared within a community. Claudia and I delve into the complexities of balancing life's simple joys with the profound endeavor of breaking through familial shame and crafting a public identity that's true to oneself. Hear about the emotional hurdles and the fortitude required to lay bare one's deepest struggles for the world to see. We also celebrate the importance of fellowship, laughter, and the simple pleasures like wine and cheese, which will be abundant at our upcoming local event. Our conversation is much more than a prelude to an event; it's an exploration of life's oscillations and an invitation to join a movement that supports authenticity, collective healing, and the beautiful synergy of collaboration.
I totally agree AI! It's a movement that is all about authenticity, collective healing and the beauty of collaboration. I am going to share some links with you here that I spoke about in the episode.
Click on the platform of your choice to listen to the latest episode, follow the podcast, and write a review so we can spread the news and reach more people!
This is Maureen Kafkas, the BrainBS co-chair, to tell you about the episode today. But before I get to that, I want to remind you that the BrainBS podcast is here to offer you a psycho-spiritual approach to life that will inspire you to live consciously and make your overall health a priority. While it can enhance your quality of life dramatically, it is not meant to be a replacement for a needed intervention. So if you are struggling with your physical, emotional or mental well-being, please seek the professional support that you need. Okay, let's dive into the podcast episode today, but before that, yeah, do you hear nature? So this is kind of fun, because I'm home alone tonight and I usually do the podcast episode earlier in the day, but I am out in the backyard and it is a beautiful day here in Santa Barbara and you can hear birds chirping. So this might be the first time I have a podcast episode with birds chirping, which is kind of fun. So, anyway, the podcast today is all about Claudia Chodson and her book, the Dark Room A Memoir of Triumph. I am interviewing Claudia for an in-person event at the Paseo Nuevo Mall June 11th from 6 to 8 pm, and we are getting the word out there so that we can get as many people as possible to attend the event and to buy her book. And once you listen to this podcast episode, I think it's going to make you want to go to the event and support Claudia. And then, after you go to the event and listen to Claudia and I speak, I think you're going to be inspired to speak your truth. If you have a secret or something that you don't like about yourself, or something that you've been hiding from yourself or from the world, I think Claudia is going to inspire you to become more authentic and I am thrilled to be doing this with her. It's we explained how it all worked out in this little episode here, but sit back and listen and understand that this event that Claudia and I are doing it is focusing on the positive. It's all about how this dark time in her life actually became a triumph for her, and I'm just so excited about it. So just sit back and settle in Episode 189, promoting Claudia's Inspirational Event.
Speaker 1:
Hi, my name is Maureen Kafkas and I'm the Brain BS Coach when I learned that the average human brain has over 60,000 thoughts a day and that most of them are lies and what I call brain BS, and that they cause needless suffering. I started to learn how to separate the fact from fiction in my mind and I've never looked back. I truly believe that living consciously, understanding how our brains work and learning to feel our feelings are necessary for an empowering and fulfilling life. I bring my expertise and extensive knowledge to inspire people in the Santa Barbara area and beyond to learn how to live consciously, tap into their personal power and become leaders in their community. Hello and welcome back to the podcast.
Speaker 1:
I have Claudia Choats in here with me today and we're here.
Speaker 1:
Well, we have an event coming up at Paseo Nuevo Mall on the second floor at Work Zones, june 11th, from 6 am or 6 pm to 8 pm, and we're really excited about it and we want to tell you about it. But what we really want to talk about today is what goes into doing something like this and what it takes to be willing to collaborate and to go into the community and try to make a difference and help people and, quite honestly, all the emotions that get triggered and how much courage it takes. Because I'm not sure you know, we're not, claudia and I are not seasoned professionals at this, but we're very inspired and we know we're going to have a huge impact on you, because there's no way, with Claudia speaking her truth like she is, that it's not going to have a big impact. So you want to tell them just a little bit, claudia, about your story, and then they can listen to our first podcast, episode number 142, personal Empowerment with Claudia, to get more details, and then they'll learn more about you at the event.
Speaker 2:
Sure, so I should summarize it. You want me to summarize it? Yeah, my book that I wrote is the Dark Room, A Memoir of Triumph, and it really is. Put the focus and the emphasis on the memoir of triumph these days, and I wrote it. It took me 20 years to write it. I have just been working for the first time on my author's website for it and there's an interview on there that I listened to a couple of days ago.
Speaker 2:
That was 11 years ago when I was in the middle of writing the book. It had a different title called picture perfect. That was the working title that I was using then and I hadn't even published it yet, and it just listening to that made me realize. You know that 11 years ago, how much I was using then, and I hadn't even published it yet, and it just listening to that made me realize. You know that 11 years ago how much I was working on being able to be free and tell the story.
Speaker 2:
But always when I was telling the story I was wanting it to be a story that could help lift up other people that I went through so much darkness and I came through it and came on to the other side of it and did so much work to get free that I've always just thought if any one person could pick up my book and feel like it inspires them, to feel like they don't have to be hopeless about something or feel the shame about something that I have felt for so long and, of course, it's an ongoing process but if even one person can be inspired to tell their own truth, then that's why I want this book to be out in the world. But then what happened was I finally, after 20 years, had the courage to publish it. That had its own story. There was a big publisher Literary House in New York at one point for it. Anyway, it took a lot of turns, but I finally published published it in 2022. So here we are, two years later.
Speaker 2:
Because then what happened was after I was publishing. At publishing, it was such a big step for me to tell the truth and to put my story into the world where people could read it, that I couldn't make another move to promote the book in any kind of way.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so let's stop there for a second, because what it took for you to publish that book I can't even imagine, because you, like, you've had a couple years now to adjust to all of it and to to work through some of that and stuff. But the amount of courage that it took and you know a lot of that I talk about having a nervous system to support success and it is it's it's so true, right. If your nervous system can't support it, you are going to run back for that cave as soon as possible. So just because you wrote the book and put it out there didn't mean it was the end of you having to tap into courage to speak your truth. That's exactly right.
Speaker 2:
Maureen, it seems like this is as big a chapter for me about being able to now share it publicly. And if it hadn't been for you coming along and saying I will do this with you, I will take these steps with you. You know the history I have. My husband, hap, was starting two years ago. You could do this with it. You could do that with it, we could you know. You just got to knock on some doors and it was like with it, we could you know. You just got to knock on some doors and it was like I was frozen with fear at the idea of any of that. And it took you coming and sitting in a delicatessen with me about a month ago holding my book and saying this there's no book like this. This book needs to reach other people and I want to do it with you. And it was like everything's is opening up since then.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so let me talk a little bit about that, because at first, because I was a quote unquote life coach, I was trying to get Claudia to do it on her own and trying to find all these different ways that she would be inspired to do it by herself. I was also an occupational therapist for a couple of decades, so I always promote independence, so it's just a part of who I am. But, and also I wasn't in Santa Barbara at the time so I couldn't have done it with her, even if I wanted to, unless we tried to do it online, and that didn't feel right. Anyway, that day that I met her at the Deli in Montecito wasn't even I was just going to catch up with her. It wasn't even until I was in the car on the way over that I was like oh, claudia could be my first event in Santa Barbara and we could promote her book.
Speaker 1:
I can't think of a better person to start this journey with than Claudia, because her book is so well written and Claudia is still in the process of recognizing that for herself. She doesn't really totally understand how good her book is and how tastefully she handled a subject like sexual abuse In a way, just the way you did. The whole thing was amazing, but we'll let people read the book themselves. But I love that you put a memoir of triumph in there, because that is what our event on June 11th is about it's. It's about taking something that was so dark and so disturbing and horrible that happened to you and actually turning it into. Like, claudia and I have goosebumps every time we get together. I just got them again. We always have goosebumps about what we're doing, because and we have fun Like I was telling people on the pickleball court how much fun we're having working on this together and they just couldn't even wrap their head around it because of the subject matter and I'm like, no, you don't understand that.
Speaker 1:
Like that, that happened and this is the silver lining. You, you look for a silver lining and now it's how you're helping other people and inspiring them, no matter what their secret is. It doesn't have to be sexual abuse, it could be anything and the courage of speaking up and the ripple effect it has on people, and we're gonna talk about that at the event too. So we're not gonna talk too much about it today, but I want you to talk about what it's like now when I ask you. We're talking about how important it is to be seen. Share a little bit of what that's like for you with the audience.
Speaker 2:
Yes, Okay. So I left the last time Maureen and I got together and the words she said to me as I left were you need to get used to being seen in the world, and my whole system just went. Oh my God, I just. It was a hard weekend after that.
Speaker 1:
Well, to be fair, I said you need to start getting ready to be seen. I wasn't expecting you to be able to be seen in a week by the next time we got together.
Speaker 2:
Okay, good, it's good for you to remind me that, because I do. I am a high achiever, yes, so I heard it, as I need to be ready to be seen Now. Now, exactly, yeah, and that took me on a journey. Without going into the detail of all the ways that it wasn't safe to be seen when I was living through this, when I was growing up, you know, it wasn't safe to be seen. When I was living through this, when I was growing up, it was dangerous to be seen. I stayed invisible, although what I wanted more than anything was not to be invisible, to have a voice, which is the other reason I wrote the book was really to find my voice, and I really am in the process I've written it now finding my voice in the world. And so it just led to lots of like it's not safe, it's dangerous or I won't be loved.
Speaker 2:
If I'm seen, I'll be, you know, and just lots of, lots of history that I've been working on the last few weeks. Again, it seems like I go like, do I have to come back to this again? And the and the essence, the depth of the whole thing, the, I would say this biggest piece, is the piece of shame is that shame that I carried and that wasn't mine to carry. It should have been my parents for doing it, for letting it happen. Yet that still is that sense would. Who would really? You know who would want to come and hear me?
Speaker 1:
You know all that stuff that it goes to yeah, well, it's kind of, though, like when you just said that, it made me think like, yes, there's shame there, but in a really messed up kind of way, you're kind of dealing with the shame of speaking the truth, right, it's the shame of breaking away from the tribe and not listening to the leader, and that you're. You are so conditioned not to speak the truth.
Speaker 2:
Yes.
Speaker 1:
When you do like there's guilt there, even though consciously you don't have guilt that little girl in you that's supposed to be keeping the secret, and then every time I ask you to be seen or to speak about it, it's going to trigger more and more layers. And we also talked about social media and the disconnect with how people portray themselves and how they really are, and that also is triggering some things for you. Because your mom acted like you guys were perfect on the outside. It was anything but that at home.
Speaker 2:
Right Plus she. She was such a hero on the outside. She was a civil rights hero, she was beautiful, she was charismatic I mean she's she's friends used to say she was like a goddess. Everything about her in the outside world was, I'm sure, a real part of her, the way she wanted to be, but the darkness that was all going on. And the inside, in our world, in our home, I couldn't reconcile those, and so when people have said social media to me, it's just like I get a stomach ache. And here's Maureen saying it's time you haven't said we're promoting me, which has really been helpful. You said we're promoting the book so other people can read it, and I was telling you that that was so key to me that you said don't think of this as putting you out there, think of this as giving your book, because if people don't know about it then they can't read it.
Speaker 1:
And that's working for me too, because if I look at this as trying to promote myself in this event, that doesn't work for me either. That's when fear and doubt comes into it and I get, you know, some brain BS and all I have to do is keep coming back to know this is about community and collaboration, and Claudia and I are going to have a ripple effect on people by coming together and doing this together instead of by ourselves. There's so much more power in the collective and then when people hear our conversation and they hear everything that you went through and how, in the ripple effect, it's had on your family and all the people around you, it's going to be so inspiring and so amazing that it doesn't, honest to God, even matter if anybody else is in the room, because we're going to be flying high from, like, all this work that we're doing on ourselves and having the courage to show up and be the people that we really want to be.
Speaker 2:
Yes, and don't forget cupcakes.
Speaker 1:
We're going to have cupcakes, oh yes, we are having a wine and cheese reception at the beginning, and then we're having the interview and then, when we do the Q&A, we'll have cupcakes. You can have cupcakes at the beginning, cupcakes anytime you want them.
Speaker 2:
My little girl wants cupcakes at this thing, so she's very excited.
Speaker 2:
If that's what she wants, she's going to get it. That's right. But the reason I mentioned the cupcakes is because we have been having so much fun. Every time we get together, and even now, today, we're having fun, and that's what I want, my life and what my life is about now, which is why I got to this point. Where do I go forward and do anything with the book? Or do I just keep having fun playing pickleball, having little cute little grandchildren that I love to play with? And no, the message is comes back to me every time that my whole purpose has been to help serve, to help serve other people with this, which is why I did it.
Speaker 1:
Um, yeah, well, that's your the brain bs. Right, like, oh, do I really need to do this? I love my grandchildren. That sounds like such a noble thing. I, I love your grandchildren, want to be with them.
Speaker 1:
But brain BS is brain BS and sometimes it can be kind of sneaky and we don't recognize it for what it is but you're definitely meant to promote this book and you bring up a good point, even though we are having fun and we laugh and we're really enjoying this process right of learning how to do this, because neither of us have ever done it before. Um, we also had. You had a day this week that you were crying and wanting to run for the cave, absolutely. And then I had a day that I told you I just woke up with fear and doubt and I started to get panicky and worried about everything, and that that is part of life. With a brain, we're not supposed to have fun and enjoy ourselves all the time. It's just. The human experience includes all the emotions. So anytime you do anything, no matter what, you're gonna have good days and bad days. If you decided never to promote this book again, do you think that would be the end of your bad days?
Speaker 2:
I would feel like there was always something I was really meant to do that I, you know, I wanted to do, but I was too afraid to do it. And so you coming along and saying I remind me of a kid when I'm a kid, and and and and like having a friend come along and take my hand and that we go skipping down the road together, and and now, you know, I have this little redheaded friend, Maureen, who's skipping with me, because it's what I wanted so much forever was to have a voice and tell the story and reach people that it could help. And it's what you wanted, you said is collaboration, yeah.
Speaker 1:
Well, it's like so for me to like being that person. It's easy for me, it comes naturally to me, so I never really thought of that as a gift or something that I could do. Work wise. It was just like.
Speaker 1:
I mean, no matter where I worked as an occupational therapist, when a new person would come to the department, I'd always include them and bring them up to the table. I try to make them feel comfortable and welcome and and I always, I'm always trying to create a community where people support one another and care about one another and have fun and and like, really, you know, rely on one another, and I think that that's what the world needs now. Rely on one another, and I think that that's what the world needs now. I love it, yeah, so that's why I changed the podcast from the Rain BS podcast to the power of community and collaboration. And then every person that I meet, like you, that we go through this process and we we go into the community. I can't wait to see the ripple effect it has on other people in Santa Barbara and beyond ripple effect it has on other people in Santa Barbara and beyond.
Speaker 2:
I can't either that sounds really, really neat.
Speaker 1:
Thank you, yes, and I'm and thank you. I'm so glad we're doing it together. I'm really looking forward to our event. I'm going to be sending out flyers about the event. We'll put the flyer, the link to the flyer, in the show notes of this episode, and we're so if you are in the Santa Barbara area, we would love to have you come to the event at the Paseo Nuevo Mall on June 11th at six o'clock. And if you're not in the area, you can still support Claudia by buying her book, and her book's amazing. It's really well done. We'll put the link to that in the show notes as well, and if you come to the event, you can bring it and Claudia will sign up for you while you eat a cupcake.
Speaker 2:
Well, we all need cupcakes. We'll probably get frosting in the books, which will be great.
Speaker 1:
All right. Okay, so I'm going to wrap it up here, claudia, because we want to save the best for the in-person event coming up. Okay, so I'm going to wrap it up here, claudia, because we want to save the best for the in-person event coming up.
Speaker 2:
Okay, sounds great.
Speaker 1:
All right audience. I know you learned something valuable today. I'll see you next episode. Hope you enjoyed the podcast today as much as I enjoyed creating it for you. If you're inspired, I appreciate a five-star review and sharing podcasts with anyone you know so that I can have a bigger ripple effect on people around me and you can too. If you want to learn more about me, you can go to wwwthebrainbscom and you can schedule a connection call with me or sign up to be a part of a BrainBS experiment. See you next episode, safe.
