Tales of Strength and Resilience: Ep 9 with Kendi Mwabila

Tales of Strength and Resilience podcast explores the boundless dimensions of strength and resilience. Join the host, Muthoni Waigwa, on a transformative journey as we delve into the very essence of these profound qualities. We will unveil the multifaceted nature of strength and resilience in heartfelt conversations with extraordinary individuals.

Kendi Mwabila who resides in Nairobi, Kenya with her husband and two sons. She is the visionary Founder and Group CEO of Qendy Group Limited, leading a consortium of companies dedicated to empowering African women in leadership roles. A multifaceted leader, Kendi excels as a Speaker, Corporate Emcee, Image Consultant, and Organizer Extraordinaire. 

At the helm of She Speaks, a transformative program she initiated, Kendi focuses on empowering women in leadership by imparting essential skills in public speaking and communication. Beyond her corporate ventures, she serves as a distinguished Board Member of the Women’s Indian Chamber of Commerce and Industry (WICCI). 

 Kendi shares her wisdom on purpose through her YouTube Channel, Speak with Purpose, where she imparts invaluable insights on purpose identification and understanding and she embodies the principles of purpose-driven leadership in both her professional and personal life. 

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Transcript

Muthoni Waigwa:         Welcome to the Tales of Strength and Resilience podcast, where we explore the boundless dimensions of strength and resilience. Join me, your host, Muthoni Waigwa, on a transformative journey as we delve into the very essence of these profound qualities. We will unveil the multifaceted nature of strength and resilience in heartfelt conversations with extraordinary individuals. We will empower and enlighten through these inspiring stories, triumphing over adversity and discovering transformative lessons embedded within. Get ready for today's episode where untold stories of inner power and tenacity await us. Let's begin.

                                    Hey, there. This is Episode 9 of this podcast, and I appreciate you for listening. How do you navigate life when everything seems to be falling apart? Sometimes external forces beyond our control, such as a pandemic, can shake the very foundations of our world. It is during these challenging moments that we truly discover the depths of our inner strength and resilience, setting the stage for what awaits us in the future. The path to rising from adversity may be challenging and filled with obstacles, but the sense of fulfillment that comes with triumphing over these low moments is profound.

                                    In today's conversation, our guest openly and sincerely shares her personal journey, offering insights and inspiration. In the spotlight of this episode is Kendi Mwabila, who resides in Nairobi, Kenya with her husband and two sons. She is the visionary founder and group CEO of Kendi Group Limited, leading a consortium of companies dedicated to empowering African women in leadership roles. A multifaceted leader, Kendi excels as a speaker, corporate emcee, image consultant, and an organizer extraordinaire.

                                    At the helm of She Speaks, a transformative program she initiated, she focuses on empowering women in leadership by imparting essential skills in public speaking and communication. Beyond her corporate ventures, she serves as a distinguished board member of the Women's Indian Chamber of Commerce and Industry. Kendi shares her wisdom on purpose through her YouTube channel, Speak With Purpose, where she imparts invaluable insights on purpose, identification and understanding, and she embodies the principles of purpose-driven leadership in both her professional and personal life. Let's listen. Welcome on to the show, Kendi.

Kendi Mwabila:             Thank you very much, Muthoni. Glad to be here.

Muthoni Waigwa:         Who is Kendi?

Kendi Mwabila:             Kendi is a phenomenal woman who happens to be a born-again Christian, a wife, and a mother to two amazing boys. She's also a public speaking coach, passionate about helping women more so to develop their public speaking skills and communicate effectively, particularly those in the career world and the entrepreneurs, just to build their ability to express themselves and better their ability to communicate so that they can go up the ladders.

Muthoni Waigwa:         I love it. I love to hear it. How did you get to this point where you are very clear on what you're doing, very clear on how you're helping others?

Kendi Mwabila:             It has been a journey, Muthoni. It has been a journey of losing myself and rediscovering myself. I'll go back to 2020. 2020, I decided to resign from my previous place of work. That was in January, so I had no idea, absolutely no idea of what was waiting ahead. Who knew COVID was to come, and just make us take a backseat.

                                    I had started a new business in 2020, and again, it was focused on women. Right after launching it, just when we had marketed, the country was closed down. This was one of the hardest times of my life because I didn't know what else to do. It was one point that I realized I had tied my identity so much to my career, but at that point I didn't know who Kendi is. How does she describe herself? I completely lost myself, and my pride was hit a good one because I was one person, my temperament, I'm a choleric. I was one of those people, still am. I took pride in my achievements. Here I was, I have left my job and started a new business, and everything just came crumbling down, so there was nothing that I could hold on to, quote, unquote, as, "My identity." It was completely lost.

                                    After 2020, going through the motions, dark times, wondering when will the country ever open up? If it opens up, am I really going to implement this business? One of those moments that you sit down, and you reflect, and you introspect, and you ask yourself, "What is it that I have in my hands that I can do?" Because I believe none of us was born without anything. We all have gifts that we need to sharpen. One of the things that I picked up on quite fast was my ability to speak. I was like, "Okay, you are a Toastmaster. You can speak. We've had this over and over again, so why don't you turn this into a business? If it's a business, what is going to set you apart from every other public speaking coach?"

                                    So I did my research, found a number of public speaking coaches in Kenya, and I realized that I want to do something entirely different, fast and focused on women. Why women? They are... I may not say they are. We, a lot of time-

Muthoni Waigwa:         Yes. We.

Kendi Mwabila:             Yes, we, a lot of times suffer from imposter syndrome. You're not enough. When we are called to speak about our qualifications, we dim our light. This was the time that I decided, "You know what? I'm going to empower these woman to be able to speak, package yourself." Because in as much as want to say that women are being empowered, we are living in a very patriarchal society. When we look at the board member representation of women, it's very low. So this was my opportune time to build women in the public speaking arena, speak effectively, communicate effectively, grow up in those ladders, and that's how I started She Speaks. Here we are now. That's it in a nutshell.

Muthoni Waigwa:         I'm hearing resilience, I'm hearing strength, and it's just taken me back, as well, to 2020.

Kendi Mwabila:             Yeah.

Muthoni Waigwa:         I remember when the country was shut down, I was like, "Okay, this will just take a week," and then it was a month, and then we started getting used to the presidential updates and I'm like, "Okay, this thing doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon," so what are we going to do with this extra time that we have? It was a time of deep, deep introspection.

Kendi Mwabila:             Yes.

Muthoni Waigwa:         Trying to figure out, "Okay, fine, I've tied my identity to my career. I've tied my identity to accomplishments, but that's not who I am."

Kendi Mwabila:             Yes.

Muthoni Waigwa:         Sometimes it takes such moments for us to be forced to wake up and realize that we are not tied to titles, we are not tied to accomplishments. We are basically rooted in who God made us to be, and that is the truth that we need to stand in. With all the experiences that you've gone through, what does strength mean to you, and does resilience play a role in strength?

Kendi Mwabila:             Oh my goodness, yes. Resilience plays a huge role in strength. For me, strength is not just your physical ability, but in this day and age, it's your mental capacity to go through the motions, the challenges of this life. Redefining yourself, falling, getting up and moving on. Your ability to get hit and not fall, and if you fall, you don't stay there, you get up and you choose to decide, actually, "This is not where I'll be. I still can take a step forward."

                                    For me, mental strength is the real definition of what strength is. At the time where there's so many things that are hitting us, Muthoni, even in our own country. Look at the taxes.

Muthoni Waigwa:         I know.

Kendi Mwabila:             Look at how it has become so expensive, but we still get up and go to the grind because, "I will get up, I will work. I won't allow this to define me, and I will not allow it to keep me down." Your ability to fall and get back up, for me, is the real definition of strength, and for that mental strength.

Muthoni Waigwa:         As Kenyans, we wake up and we're like, "What is going on? Are we in the same country?" But you know what, as you've said, we choose to face each day. We choose to continue doing what we're doing.

                                    As a child, did your parents talk about strength and resilience, or did you see them go through moments where you are like, "Yes, that is a strong person," or they shared an experience with you and you were like, wow, mom, dad, or a guardian, you are so strong.

Kendi Mwabila:             Wow. First, I'd like to say that I'm one of those blessed people. Growing up, when you grow up and you encounter this adulting life, you realize that there are so many people who went through very difficult, traumatic, childhood experiences. But I had a very safe upbringing, and I really thank God for that because it's not something that everyone has had.

                                    Now, when you're talking about strength, oh, I have seen it over and over again. Growing up in a Christian family, having a mother who's constantly praying over you and defining what strength is, it's one of those things that I came to learn that when you are at your weakest, God's strength is made manifest. It's one of the things that I encourage myself with till date, that even when I feel I am down, distraught, dejected, there is someone right there who is meeting me at my 10% and he's coming with a 90%. That's a mentality I grew up with. The mindset that my weakness, God's strength is made manifest.

                                    But I also saw it in my mom. There are days that she went through such tough times. The one example I can pick up on was the time that she went through loss, and this was her sister, she lost her sister, my favorite aunt. She was the firstborn, my mom is the second-born, so they grew up very close. I remember when we got to Meru, where we were laying her to rest, all the other sisters were crying.

                                    But as young as I was, this was in 2001, I think I was about 14, yes. As young as I was, I saw my mom coming out of the car and she kept on saying the scripture over and over again, "The Lord has not given me a spirit of fear, but of love, of power and sound mind. His strength is made manifest in my weakness." She kept on going on. You could see it was actually something that she wasn't just saying, but you could see it in her face that, "In as much as I'm grieving, I will be strong. I will be strong for my sisters, I'll be strong for my parents, because this is not just a loss, we will meet again."

                                    That's how I so strength. My dad, on the other side, just kept on telling us to be strong in whatever we do and take things seriously. As much as I'm laughing about it, again, these are lessons that I gleaned, insights that I still reflect on. Whatever it is, it doesn't last, so hang in there. Be strong. It'll come, it'll pass, but stand firm.

Muthoni Waigwa:         Thank you so much for your vulnerability. You're sharing about your mom's loss, and I'm just thinking about when my mom passed away, I was about 21. When it happened, I did not even know if left is right, right is left. My world was just... Anyway, it was one of those moments where I didn't think that I would overcome and come through. One of the things that you keep mentioning is mindset. If I didn't have the capacity to tell myself, "You know what, Muthoni, you can face each day." As you've said, that if God wasn't my strength, I don't think I would have been here right now having this conversation with you. Because one of the things that also stood out for me with my mom was she was a strong woman, very committed in seeing her dreams come to pass. One of the things I used to tell myself was, "If she was still around, what would she want me to do? Muthoni, just keep facing each day, keep continuing, keep pursuing your dreams." Thank you so much for your vulnerability.

                                    If you're able to share a moment as Kendi, a challenge where you are like,"[inaudible 00:15:15], I'm strong, [inaudible 00:15:16], I'm resilient, but can I just stop right here, please?"

Kendi Mwabila:             Honestly, it will be 2020, that COVID time. That shook me to my core. Muthoni, it shook me to my core. If it was getting depressed, I almost got there. I still look back and I wonder how I was able to climb out of that trench. If I was to be very candid with you, we took a very bold step, quite courageous, but again, very callous. My husband and I resigned at the same time. We had both started our companies. Him, in fact, he was in aviation industry. He was set because he had started his business in 2019 and everything was looking promising. So getting to March of 2020, and you're looking at each other with no source of income. We are living in our own house on compound, our rent is definitely high. We have a child who is used to living large.

                                    In fact, I kept on saying, our child thought he was in Cannon because he kept on asking for milk and honey. He used to take milk and honey, and it got to a point where we couldn't even afford to buy that packet of milk, because he was really consuming it, and you're left looking at each other, "Okay, how do we get the next pack of milk? Can we even afford the honey?" But even beyond that, we couldn't afford the rent at our place. We didn't even have money to move out. My dad came through and helped us move out to a smaller house. We were able to negotiate a fair rent, but even then, we still didn't have money to pay rent.

                                    So in the midst of this all, my confidence has been shaken. It was nonexistent, because we still lived in the society where when people met you, they wanted to know, "What do you do? What is your career? What are you up to right now?" I had nothing, nothing that I was doing. My marriage also was shaken. I came to understand money is important in a marriage. Those date nights are not free.

Muthoni Waigwa:         They're not.

Kendi Mwabila:             They're paid for. Those walks that you want to take and just enjoy a cup of coffee, it has to be paid for. Muthoni, that was the darkest period because we got to a place now in my marriage where we were not even talking, we were roommates. We're just passing each other. A person wakes up, they go do their thing, the other sleeps, the other one wakes up to work. It was hard. It was hard. You're in a financial struggle, at the same time, your marriage is struggling. But at least on that aspect, our friends came through and gave us healthier communication skills that have really worked till date, because we were drowning. We came to realize at that moment we needed each other more, and we worked on it. We survived. We kept saying, "If we survived 2020, there's nothing we can't survive in our marriage."

Muthoni Waigwa:         [inaudible 00:18:58] resilience, Kendi. You and your husband, kudos to the both of you for pushing through. As you've said, it was not easy. I'm sure sometimes, like for me, when I have flashbacks to some difficult moments in my life, I flinch and I'm like, "God, please, please, I do not want to repeat. I hope I've passed the test."

Kendi Mwabila:             Yes. Yes, I agree with you.

Muthoni Waigwa:         Let's say someone is listening to this conversation and they're going through a difficult time, and they are just afraid of failure. You know, sometimes when you're in it, you just feel like you are allergic to those moments of defeat, those moments of rejection and loss. How would you encourage them to know that through it all they shall overcome if they choose to overcome?

Kendi Mwabila:             Muthoni, that takes me to the very core of my belief, and that's Jesus. I don't know how people survive without Him, because in the darkest of times, that is where I run to. That is where I seek refuge. He's my fortress. It's not easy, but regardless of how dark it gets, there are lessons to be learned. Gain from those lessons, get insights of why you are there. How did you end up there?

                                    I got the opportunity to reflect, introspect, and understand why we were going through such a difficult time between 2020 and 2021. There are some places where God takes you through for you to learn, like you said. So if it's going back to your Maker, going back to your God, or whatever you believe in, getting to understand why you're going through that process is very important because sometimes we're being prepared for where we are going. Sometimes there are things we need to learn for Him to trust us with certain things. But above all, the key message is, do not give up. Don't give up. Find a community that will walk with you.

                                    By the time we were changing neighborhoods to live in a smaller place, we found a friend couple, and we used to sit down and laugh and cry together, go through the drama together. But we decided we are staying in this, now referring to our marriages. We encouraged each other through even the lack of finance. So find a community that will hold you, find people that you can hold your hands and go through it together. If not, people who've already gone ahead of you and they can give you tips on how to navigate. But above all, find your Maker and get so close, because that is where you will get comfort. That is where you will get peace when nothing else is working. That is where it will all happen. That is where the transformation takes place.

Muthoni Waigwa:         Yes, it's all about transformation. I always look at the metamorphosis of a butterfly. Sometimes when we are caught up in those low moments, we don't think that we'll get to the point of being a butterfly, because also as well, we are comparing our lives with others. You being, let's say, the caterpillar, you're looking at the butterfly and saying, "But they're a butterfly. I'm a caterpillar." But the thing is, as you have said, do not give up because eventually the caterpillar becomes the butterfly. What is one thing that you're learning about yourself at this point in time?

Kendi Mwabila:             Oh, is it even one?

Muthoni Waigwa:         Share them.

Kendi Mwabila:             I'm stronger than I think I am. Sometimes you go through places and you're like, "Did I just come out of that?" I've come to realize Kendi is strong and creative. I love my brain, Muthoni. I love the creativity of my brain. Above all, I love loving. I'm surrounded by amazing people, from my friends, to my husband, to my kids. I love being loved by them, and I love loving them because they're at the core of who Kendi is. The very center.

                                    I've come to appreciate everything that life gives me, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and that has just redefined my resilience. Muthoni, by the time I'm giving up on something, in a way, I am at the end of it. I can't. But before I drop that towel, before I throw in that towel, I have to go through it all. So I've come to find out that Kendi is strong, she is very creative, she is resilient, and she's just a lover.

Muthoni Waigwa:         I'm feeling already inspired. Thank you for sharing that. Just for someone who's listening, there's power in knowing that you have a strong mind. Sometimes we don't recognize the value of mindset, the value of owning your thoughts. The value of recognizing that you're a creative person in whatever space that you're in, that with your imaginations, you can create worlds with your words. It is so important for whoever is listening that, yes, you may be down and out, but what are you telling yourself? What story do you keep playing over and over again? Because it is something that will help you to continue moving forward.

                                    To tie in with what you're doing with She Speaks, where you are empowering women, what is your future for women, specifically in Africa, and for your organization, She Speaks?

Kendi Mwabila:             Muthoni, I really love this continent, and I see so much potential in this continent. Every single day, every single opportunity I get, I expose myself to spaces where women are thriving.

                                    If I was to look at this continent and see where women are going, I will tell us to keep doing what we are doing. People say that women are their worst enemies. That is a wrong statement. That statement is untrue. Women are their best friends because we build each other. There are so many women organizations that I'm in, Women In Business, another organization called WeSea, I'm now coaching for Women Work. They're all women-centered, women building women. Women building women in different professions, women building women in entrepreneurship, women providing opportunities.

                                    What I will challenge women to do is let's keep up the momentum. It can only get better. We are growing phenomenally. We are overcoming stereotypes. We are embracing our womanhood. Let's keep at it. We are on the right track. We are on the right path. Let's not stop. The generation that is coming behind us, and thereafter, they're very lucky because they will find women who understand their identity, understand their calling. We won't have mixed feelings, or emotions, or lack of clarity, because we have dug the trenches, now we are building up a house that has a very strong foundation. For women in Africa, let's keep at it.

                                    Where do I see She Speaks going? Like a mustard seed, very tiny. Very tiny. But in the right environment, it grows if you get people to water it. I look at She Speaks as a mustard seed, something that I started at a very dark time, but I can see the returns already because of the women that I am impacting, the sessions that have been able to have. Muthoni, it's one thing to be employed, it's another thing to start something of your own that you burn passionately about. It excites me whenever I train women and they come back and tell me, "Yo, Kendi, I see my ability to network effectively has just been redefined. When I speak in front of people and I present, I can feel the confidence. I can hear you speaking in my head," that gives me so much excitement, Muthoni.

                                    She Speaks will keep empowering women in any space and every space. Whatever opportunities women feel they need to sharpen their public speaking skills. Wherever they're feeling they have shortcomings, they're falling short, please Kendi Mwabila is here for you to help you develop those communicating skills, become an effective and eloquent speaker. Able to articulate yourself with confidence like never before.

Muthoni Waigwa:         Love it. I like hearing those words, and it's just reminding me of how my mom used to just speak to myself and my sister. A woman needs to be empowered.

Kendi Mwabila:             Yes.

Muthoni Waigwa:         It also is tied in the way we carry ourselves, and the way we speak, and the way we communicate our ideas. I just want to say, continue doing what you are doing, and yes, let's continue building the momentum as African women, as African leaders in this continent. As you said, I truly love this continent, but we need to continue building the momentum and continue investing in ourselves. Because honestly, we are the solutions that we are seeking in the day-to-day living, and in the betterment of the entire continent. As we wind down this conversation, how would you end it in one sentence?

Kendi Mwabila:             I will look back at the lessons that, again, I have gained over time, and just tell women, because that's a space I'm called to, "You are enough. Be who you are, but also understand you are enough."

Muthoni Waigwa:         That is a fantastic point to end this conversation. For the women listening, you are enough. For the men who are listening, support the women in your lives to make them believe that they are enough.

                                    I invite you to carry the lessons learned in this podcast into your own lives, embracing your inner strength and nurturing resilience in the face of adversity. Let's forge a future where we support one another and celebrate the triumphs shaping our journeys. Thank you for listening and stay tuned for more inspiring episodes that will continue to ignite the flame of strength and resilience within you. Until next time, I'm your host, Muthoni Waigwa, bidding you farewell, but not goodbye.