The Vibrant Life Podcast with Life Coach Kelly Tibbitts
Create a Home You Love Coming Home To (Episode 81)
Mar 12, 2024
Kelly Tibbitts
Taking the time to create consistent practice steps to redefine the physical spaces in your home can lead to profound personal growth. In this episode, I share anecdotes and life coaching strategies that can guide your decision making as you create a home you love coming home to.
Main points:
The three steps that we use for any result we are seeking (Notice, Decide, and Practice) can be applied to improving your physical spaces.
Start by noticing the thoughts and feelings you have about your spaces (I cover this in more depth in episode #80)
Consider first the spaces YOU are in control of - not the others you live with.
Do one small space at a time
Decide the energy/vibe you desire for that space
Choose 3-5 small actions that will move you in that direction
For each item, decide whether or not it’s still serving you.
If it’s time to let it go, thank it and say goodbye
Taking the time to create consistent practice steps to redefine the physical spaces in your home can lead to profound personal growth. In this episode, I share anecdotes and life coaching strategies that can guide your decision making as you create a home you love coming home to.
Main points:
The three steps that we use for any result we are seeking (Notice, Decide, and Practice) can be applied to improving your physical spaces.
Start by noticing the thoughts and feelings you have about your spaces (I cover this in more depth in episode #80)
Consider first the spaces YOU are in control of - not the others you live with.
Do one small space at a time
Decide the energy/vibe you desire for that space
Choose 3-5 small actions that will move you in that direction
For each item, decide whether or not it’s still serving you.
If it’s time to let it go, thank it and say goodbye
Hey friends, over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing some of the content that I'm sharing in my group coaching program for the Live a Vibrant Life group coaching series, and for the spring we're talking about how to make a home you love coming home to, and this week specifically, we're going to lean into one of my coaching tools, where we notice, decide and practice. Welcome to the Live a Vibrant Life podcast. I'm Life Coach Kelly Tibbetts and each week I'll be here to encourage and equip you with the tools you need to grow in self-awareness and invest your best energy in your dreams and your purpose. I believe self-awareness changes everything. Let's get started. Welcome to Create a Home you Love Coming Home To.
Speaker 1:
This is our spring series and I'm excited to share with you today the three steps that we use every time we're trying to create a result in our life Notice, decide and practice. We're looking specifically about the thoughts that we have about our space. One of the most important things we can do as we begin coaching is learn to notice. Notice what we're thinking, what we're feeling, why we're saying the yeses and noses that we're saying. Notice the things in life that require us to accept them. They are not our thoughts, our feelings or our actions. It could be the weather, it could be something that's already happened, it could be a relationship we're in where somebody else has their own thoughts, feelings and actions and our job is just to notice that. When they speak, we create thoughts in our brain and those thoughts are what create our feelings and our feelings drive us towards or away from actions. Today we're going to look at the circumstance called our home, and the beauty of learning to do life coaching is that we get to decide on purpose. The thoughts that serve us and the feelings that come from those thoughts either drive us towards or away from the actions that we want to take. So today we're starting by noticing the spaces that we spend time in.
Speaker 1:
Maybe you want to begin at work. Maybe there's an area of your home that you currently don't just love coming home to. Whatever it is, try to make it as small as possible. You could even choose your car. The smaller the space, the easier it is to practice these three steps and see the result. And once your brain has that result that it can remember, it makes it easier to do step two, step three and move forward. So the best way to manage any physical space is to begin with our thoughts. Now, is that a new idea or is that something you were already aware of?
Speaker 1:
When I found coaching, I had no idea that my thoughts were creating the actions of my life, and so if I were to begin today, but doing it the way that I used to do it, walking into a space and wanting to create a space that I love coming home to, I would probably start back then with a to-do list, a bunch of actions to take, without really taking the time to notice hey, what am I thinking, how am I feeling? What actions would create the results I want to create? So starting with your thoughts is always going to serve you, so we're going to give you some space today to notice what you're thinking. Now, remember, you always have the authority and agency to notice what you're thinking and then decide what you want to think on purpose. However, we do not have any authority or agency over what other people think, feel and do and where we're going to notice. That is, if we share spaces with someone, whether at work or at home, they may have their own thoughts about that space. Now, a long time ago, more than 15, 20 years ago probably at this point.
Speaker 1:
I found the fly lady and she is on TikTok, she has a book and she always says that if you're going to do a space and someone else is there, always start by your side of the room. Start with the things that belong to you. It's just natural, as a human with a human brain, to notice what someone else could be doing better, and that little bit of advice has always served me. She said when everything that's yours is cleaned and put away, then start creating those sentences with the people that you're sharing the space with, and I'll tell you whether that was 15 or 20 years ago. I still have not found that everything that's mine is fully taken care of, and you might find the same thing.
Speaker 1:
So notice what is yours to decide, notice what is yours to give energy to, and so we're going to start by. Whether you want to do this physically or you just want to use your mind Walking around a space that's important to you, literally picture yourself walking into the door or take your little notebook with you, walk through the door and start in one area of the room and walk around the room and while you're walking, start with the column on the left. What is working. It's so easy for our brains to decide to focus on the things that are not working life and if we just take a few moments today to notice what is working. So, whether you want to pause this now or come back to it after the video, notice what is working in the space that you're currently in and then, once you've done that and filled up the left side of the page, now we want to notice what isn't working so that we can create priorities and decide what to focus on to create a home we love coming home to.
Speaker 1:
So, as you've heard me say, step one is to notice. Step two is decide. Decide what space you want to focus on. Maybe there are things that you can delegate or maybe, for this season, there are things you need to eliminate. You're not going to put energy into A, b and C, because all your energy is going to go into the actions that are needed to make space D the space that you want to give your best energy to. It's your list, it's not anyone else's. You get to decide. However, the best gift you can give yourself is to decide from a place of love for yourself.
Speaker 1:
We all have the same 24 hours a day, but rarely do people find two, three, four o'clock in the morning to be a useful time to do a project. So be kind to yourself. If you know that after work Tuesday to Friday, you're extremely exhausted, maybe don't put a bunch of to-dos for that time of day. Notice your mental, physical, emotional energy. What's needed in a space? Often not just physical energy. There's often things that you have to think about, to decide, and you may have some emotional attachments you have to work through.
Speaker 1:
So for today, you're going to decide one small space to focus on. How small? Maybe a sock drawer or where you put your glasses, just one shelf. Maybe it is the bench that you see when you walk into your home and you've decided to put away the things that are on the bench and don't belong there. One small space. From there we have some questions for you, whether you want to pause now or use these questions for your quiet time, but this is a way for you to start to notice what's important to you. So the space that you've chosen is it generally organized? Do you like it? Do you share this space with other people in your home? Can you easily find things and put them away? These are things we want to notice and then, from that list, make a decision.
Speaker 1:
You knew what frustrates me. Every day I come home, I put my keys down, I pick up the mail and then I walk away and I can't find the mail in two to three days. I've decided today to make a space where all my mail goes and on Sundays I will process and deal with it. Whatever decision you make, make sure you write it down. Now, once you have a decision, we want to create some practices to move us forward. Our ideal practices are three to five small steps that you do three to five days a week. You want lots of white space, lots of grace, because life happens at a very fast rate and if you keep every moment of every day full to the rim of activities and energy required, then anytime one of those little bumps comes along whether it's a snow day or someone that you love is sick and you need to go take care of them, or the project at work got extended and now you have to stay late tonight, whatever it is we want to have space that can absorb when things don't go in the direction we want them to.
Speaker 1:
So when you think about that small space my desk, the bathroom, my car we start with a neutral sentence. I'm offering you this my space has things in it. Not my space is messy, not, I'm not very good at deciding and doing things, just very neutral my space has things in it. From there, we want to focus on one additional thought. The thought might be I love having a desk that's organized to sit down and do my work at. That kind of thought would create committed, energized energy to move you forward. So take a moment and pause this video, decide one area to focus on, find a neutral thought to describe it, and then a thought that's going to drive you to continue to make the decisions that best serve you.
Speaker 1:
So if you think a thought like I love having a desk that's organized and welcoming for me to work at, how do you feel when you say that you might want to put your hand on your heart, take a breath and really notice. I'd love to have a desk that's organized and welcoming for me to sit at. That feeling is contentment, joy, peace, whatever you notice. Take a moment and write it down and then you want to take three small action steps towards that. It might be find five things that don't belong in the desk and put them away. It might be find a place where I'm going to put all my papers and decide a day to file them. Whatever it is that serves, you notice it and write it down. And then, finally, what is your actual goal? So say, your goal is an organized desk, and currently there are a lot of things in it. Maybe the best goal would be two Fridays from now, my desk will be clear, and then there are three to five days each week between now and then that you decide. I'm going to spend 10 minutes at a time taking the things that don't belong there, putting them away, creating a filing system that works, making sure that I have the time at the end of the day to finish the circle, to put things away when I'm done with them.
Speaker 1:
Whatever it is that serves, you take a few moments on this page to decide the actual practices that you want to take. So again, there are three steps for managing any space, but these are the three steps we use in anything that we want to create a result with. We first want to notice, then decide and then create the practices that move us forward. So notice means to become aware why we start with a home we love coming home to, is that this set of tools is going to serve us in everything. Whether it is a thought that you haven't noticed like I get really anxious when I drive far Everything, the things in your home and paying attention will allow you to notice that thought and that thought, if you have it like I've had it before, can keep us from doing things we really want to do. So we want to notice, become aware. How do we become notice People who notice we take everything out.
Speaker 1:
So don't start in the biggest area of your home, right? Please. Don't start in the kitchen or any area that has lots and lots of things. Start somewhere where there's not too many things, maybe a purse, maybe the front seat of your car. Take everything out, put it all in one spot and decide three to five to 10 items at a time, three to five to 10 minutes at a time.
Speaker 1:
Is this item still serving me or is it time to let it go? When was the last time I used it? As you're deciding to keep it or not, we have some more questions for you to notice. Do I really want it? Am I keeping it just because I've never really thought about do I want to keep it? Is it current? Is it outdated, is it broken? Is it time to recycle it?
Speaker 1:
One thing I really offer you as you're doing this process is things do not have feelings. We have feelings when we look at things, but things do not actually have feelings. When you let go of something that somebody gave you, that object isn't going to be sad or frustrated or any of the feelings that sometimes we are feeling. If you can, I learned this from the Life Changing Magic of tidying up by Marie Kondo. She said just pick up the item and think it. That might be one way for you to let go of things that have an emotional attachment. You're noticing your things. You're making a decision about the space. You've decided to live in a home that you love coming home to. If currently there are more things there that allow you to live in the home in the spacious, orderly way you want, then some of those things need to go. So that might be the decision I'm going to give these away, I'm going to recycle these, I'm going to throw this out. Then, finally, practicing goodbye to things, decide that if the memory is attached and you really want to keep it, a photo might serve you. After you've noticed what's there, decided what to keep. Now it's time to put things back.
Speaker 1:
This is where we want to be really intentional. What you're going to notice there is what we notice all the time in life resistance. Resistance is because our human brain likes to do the same thing over and over, and so if you've always had a lot of things on your desk, you're going to feel some resistance as you start to create a desk that's calm and clean and inviting. Resistance might feel like frustration, annoyance, aggravation. It's okay, it doesn't handle any feeling. Hands on our heart, breathing in allowing it. If you've done any kind of yoga, you might remember just allowing the energy to move, and as we get better and better at this through practice, it'll be easier to let things go. So don't start with something that you have a high emotional attachment to. Maybe start in the refrigerator and the last thing. We're practicing this because we're creating a space that we love, a home we love coming home to. So you might want to try some of these thoughts that we have at the bottom of this workbook page.
Speaker 1:
Keeping something doesn't make it valuable. Isn't that interesting? The value, the money that's been paid, has already been paid. It's a sunk cost Whether I keep it or I don't keep it. Keeping it doesn't make it valuable. Things aren't people, and so, even if this was a gift from a dear friend or a grandparent, keeping it if it's no longer serving you doesn't actually serve them either. And then, finally, getting rid of things does not invalidate the person who gave it to you. You can thank the thing I know.
Speaker 1:
When I started this process, I wanted a dining room and I had a room where it really served me when my kids were little to just bring in the backpacks and keep all the papers from school. And all around all four walls was art from preschool through maybe second grade when they stopped making art Framed. I loved that room, but it didn't serve us anymore. My children had gotten older. They didn't remember painting the things that I had framed, so I got to a place where I took a picture of a few of them and brought them to the dump and thanked them for the joy that they gave me for those years. And now we have an adult space that when they're home for any kind of holiday or meal, we have a place to hang out together. So deciding to get rid of things never invalidates the person who gave it to you. So those are the three steps Noticing, deciding and practicing.
Speaker 1:
We'll be back with other sessions for the spring series. If you'd like to learn a little bit more, you can always go to kellytibbetscom. Thank you for joining the Live a Vibrant Life podcast. I hope our time together encouraged you and will equip you with the tools you need to move your life into the vibrant life you desire. I'm here to help you live a brave, creative, purpose-filled life, and if you'd like to learn more, you can follow me on Instagram or Facebook, kelly Tibbets Life Coach, or visit my website, kellytibbetscom. I look forward to connecting again soon.