The Serenity Prayer has application to many aspects of life, in every season of life - relationships, parenting, finances, physical fitness, managing the spaces in your home, even choosing your clothes. Join me in this episode as we explore the transformative power of The Serenity Prayer and see how it can impact your life.
Let's connect.
I am cheering for you!
The Serenity Prayer has application to many aspects of life, in every season of life - relationships, parenting, finances, physical fitness, managing the spaces in your home, even choosing your clothes. Join me in this episode as we explore the transformative power of The Serenity Prayer and see how it can impact your life.
Let's connect.
I am cheering for you!
Welcome to the Live a Vibrant Life podcast. I'm life coach Kelly Tibbetts, and each week I'll be here to encourage and equip you with the tools you need to grow in self-awareness and invest your best energy in your dreams and your purpose. I believe self-awareness changes everything. Let's get started. Welcome to the Live a Vibrant Life podcast. I hope our time together today is really helpful for you. I'm going to be sharing the second of the two tools that I use on repeat in my coaching program. If you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you've probably heard me use the first tool in almost every conversation we have, and that is to notice, decide and create small practice steps. The second tool I use is from the Serenity Prayer. It's helping us notice that there are things in life that we need to accept because they're not in our control. Those are all the things in life, except for the thoughts, feelings and actions that we have authority over. And to accept the things we cannot change really requires us to notice the thoughts that we have about them and to process the feelings that are created by that thought all the way through. And if you're anything like me, no one taught me how to notice and process my feelings. So that's one of the most important things we do in our coaching one-to-one time together in my coaching program. So you accept the things that you cannot change and then you need courage. You need to be brave and create purpose-filled steps courage to change the things that you can change. You can change your thoughts, you can change your feelings and you can change your actions. What most of us wish is that we could change other people's thoughts, feelings and actions, and that is not in our control. So we accept the things we cannot change. We have courage. We think new thoughts, feel all the feelings and create small action steps to move us forward. And then we need wisdom wisdom to notice the difference. So that's what we'll be talking about today those three things.
Speaker 1:Now, if you can find one specific area of your life to apply this to, it makes the whole thing make so much more sense. So that's why I tend to teach in the spring with my create a home you love coming home to process. And so almost every human I've met has at least one area of their life that is not exactly the way they'd like. It could be a closet. It could be a junk drawer. It could be a closet. I used to love watching Martha Stewart on television and one of my favorite episodes is she opened a hallway closet that was so messy. Even Martha Stewart did not have complete control over every area of her life and I just love that.
Speaker 1:It could be something simple, like you want all of your spices in one area and you want the old ones thrown away so that everything you use is fresh and new. It could be that you want the door that leads from your outside to your inside, that that's an inviting space. Maybe you want to paint it or put some fresh flowers there. Choose one small area. Please don't start with anything that's heavily emotional, like going through a closet full of old clothes that cost a lot of money but you're a different size, but you're a different size or a bunch of nostalgic things like pictures. Or maybe I'm in the grown and flown area of life where my kids have flown Probably not. The best place to start would be all of their old belongings and awards and things that they haven't chosen.
Speaker 1:To say yes or no, to Start with something small, that is 100% in your authority. It all belongs to you. I have loved organizing, cleaning and putting things in order my whole life. I'm just one of those people that loves that, and so when I was a young mom, I found the Fly Lady and she had a book back in the day, but now she has all kinds of different ways to connect with her, and she gave me some advice. I've shared it before that, as much as it's easy for your human brain to start over with what your husband could do different or what your kids could do different, start in the area that's 100% your authority all of your things and when those are all done completely perfectly, then move over into other people's areas. And I have to tell you, I've been working on this for like 20 years and I still have areas to work on, so that might be true of you as well. Find one small area that you're in charge of, and let's use this process. Just like we use the notice decide process, let's use the accept, courage and wisdom process there so that we can apply it to the things that are inside of us, our thoughts and our feelings and our dreams and our goals and the energy we want to live in. Let's start with something very small. So the first thing is accept the things you cannot change, and that involves feeling the feelings.
Speaker 1:I just discovered the Budgetista. She was on the Mel Robbins podcast and she has a whole process for going from financially in debt into financially free, this little 10-step process, and one of her steps is called like tissues and tears. It's just sitting down, opening all the bills, noticing the reality of the income coming in and the expenses going out, and she said there's probably going to be some tissues and tears needed. You're going to need a friend to sit with you and hand you the tissue as you acknowledge the truth. That's most of the areas of our life. This is the weight I'm at, this is the weight I'd like to be. There's some tissues and tears. I'm not giving myself my best energy. I'm allowing other people's hopes and dreams and desires to get in the way and if I stay on this path, man at 75, this is going to be the reality Tissues and tears as I acknowledge that. So accepting the things we cannot change starts with just being completely honest.
Speaker 1:I'm kind of sad that my children have grown this is very true for me and I didn't know any of the things that I know now back when they were little. Oh, I would have been such a different mom, I would lose my energy, which would make me resentful, which would make me depleted, which would make me frustrated. And I did that from a place of love. But I made all the wrong decisions. I was trying to do everything for everyone and I kept putting myself last. And if I'd only known that the path to health started with me noticing what do I want, what do I want to say yes to, what do I want to say no to? I would have been in such different energy. I would have allowed my children to feel their feelings and not try to make them happy. But I can't go back and change anything. I need to accept the things I cannot change. I did the very best I could for that version of me, and so that might feel a little disappointing, but I can feel disappointment.
Speaker 1:I can put my hand on my heart, notice where it is For me being in the feeling center. I can really connect with my feelings. I can notice sort of the color, weight, shape, like feelings make sense to me For other people. If your feeling center is the third center of intelligence that you have access to, you might have no idea what I'm saying, but you could still put your hand on your heart from a place of love and just notice. I don't know if this is sad or frustrated or angry, but I'm just going to allow it for a moment. I'm going to allow my body to feel whatever it's feeling right now, and if we can pay attention to our feelings, they do get bigger for a moment, but they'll move through us.
Speaker 1:So accepting the things we cannot change is first noticing why we are feeling what we're feeling, what we're thinking, what we would have done differently, and seeing that we can't go back in time. We cannot change anything. It might involve accepting that the people that we love really think about life differently than we do and we can't change their thoughts, their feelings, their actions. The relationship we're in is the relationship we're in. That's their version of them. This is the version of me. How much energy I want to give, that's up to me, but the accepting that that is who they are, that belongs in the first box. Accept the things I cannot change. And so, when it comes to our house, accept the thing I would love a separate room for an office, but currently I have a corner in a room. I'm going to accept that I cannot just magically create another room in my house.
Speaker 1:The reason I laughed a little is I remember being in college and I had a roommate and we lived in an efficiency which was a big word for a little one room third floor walk-up apartment and the living room was the bedroom. There was one closet in the whole space and there was an itsy bitsy, tiny kitchen that had just enough room for a table, a couple of cabinets and a refrigerator, and I remember on multiple nights having dreams that there was just a bedroom. I kept feeling like if there was just one more room, this would be the perfect space for us to live. I didn't know how to accept the things that I could not change. One of the gifts of living in inefficiency is I didn't have a lot of space I needed to clean. I was going to college and working. That was about all the energy I had was to keep that little area clean, and it was a really fun experience looking back on it. But I didn't know any of these tools, and so I kept wanting it to be different. I wanted there to be one more room instead of accepting the thing I could not change.
Speaker 1:This is the reality of it. What are we going to do to make it the best version that we can. So, starting with accepting the things you cannot change, anything besides your thoughts, your feelings and your actions needs to belong over here. What do you think about those things? What do you feel? What do you want to do and not do? Then we get into the important box the things you can change, and we need courage to change.
Speaker 1:It's so easy for our nervous system to do things on repeat because they feel familiar. That's why so many people will stay in unhealthy relationships because it feels familiar. The courage comes when we say I no longer want to think this thought, I no longer want to feel this feeling and I no longer want to keep doing this thing or not doing that thing, if you want to have a strong body, like I do, and we keep putting ourselves last and not going to the gym and not lifting weights and not going for walks and not meal prepping our healthy food, we are sacrificing the future version of us for other people right now to feel or think something differently. Every person in our life could think a thought like. I'm so proud of them for always choosing their health before a visit with me. But if you're in relationships like I'm, in relationships with people who don't have that level of self-awareness, you may be doing what I've tried to do, which is try to make them think a thought that they don't want to think currently. So let's choose today to take our energy and be intentional to think the things that we want to think.
Speaker 1:On repeat. We call those our power thoughts. It might be. I am worth 30 minutes. That was one of my first power thoughts on my path to becoming, you know, someone who wants to live a vibrant life. I'd gone to a gym. I didn't get there enough. I kept putting my family first and the trainer said to me Kelly, you are worth 30 minutes. I had never had that thought. It didn't even occur to me that I was worth 30 minutes of going to a place that I enjoyed so I could become stronger and healthier.
Speaker 1:It might be a thought like. I don't allow people in my presence who eliminate my peace. Every time they're in your presence. It's like a storm and it's exhausting. If you want to be in my presence, you need to bring peace with you. That's a powerful thought. It might feel uncomfortable. It might need some work to grow.
Speaker 1:What's your power thought. You might find it in a song, in a scripture, in someone's book. It might be from a coach or from a leadership expert, but I really think if you sit still and allow yourself to get to a place where you feel calm and connected and aligned, you're going to find that power. Thought this is what I want. This is what I'd like to choose on repeat. Thought this is what I want. This is what I'd like to choose on repeat. I want to be someone who loves themselves, who believes they're 100% loved and 100% valuable, made on purpose for a purpose.
Speaker 1:You get to choose your thoughts like you choose your clothes in the morning. Why would we keep putting on clothes that make us feel yucky when we wear them? Why do we keep thoughts on repeat that don't serve us? What do we want to feel on repeat? I think we want to feel things like enthusiasm and happiness and connected and loved and authentic. Those are the high vibrations that we want to be in as human beings. Well, to get there, we're going to need the thoughts that align with those feelings. Another fast path to those feelings might be putting on certain music, dancing, going for a walk, being with certain people, and then what actions do you want to choose on repeat? Do you want to choose to get up five minutes later and repeat? Do some stretching. Do you want to watch a favorite show at least once a week, because you love how you feel when you watch it? Do you want to read three pages of a book every day? Do you want to stop drinking something that makes you feel sick? When I was younger, I got through my day by drinking too much Diet Coke. I felt like it gave me headaches. Some people feel that way with alcohol. Some people feel that way when they eat gluten or other foods. Notice that. What would you like to do more of? What would you like to do less of? You're completely in charge of that.
Speaker 1:This is the hard acceptance of life, though you have to accept the things you cannot change. One of the things you cannot change is that the results of life are not 100% in your authority. You can do the right thing day after day. You leave for work on time, you drive carefully, and then somebody who wasn't paying attention hits your car. You cannot guarantee a safe drive just because you're doing everything correctly. That's the hard part about life. Some of the results in life are created by us being consistent and connected to the aligned energy and doing the right thing on purpose for the right reason. But sometimes in life, the results of life are different than we want them to be. For me, this is where my faith comes in that God can take all things and work them for good. Sometimes there are things that are my responsibility.
Speaker 1:I did choose things, whether they were thoughts, feelings or actions that created this result. But I can remember being in college and not knowing this and being so frustrated that I had several professors who didn't care what your grade was, whether it was a 97 or a 98, they graded on the bell curve and if you only got place number two or three, that bumped you down to a B. That felt so unfair to me it was the fact that that result was not within my authority, my agency. It didn't matter how hard I worked, I couldn't change that grade. Now, of course, being 54 years old, looking back, did that grade matter to the way it felt like it did? No. Sometimes that's the value right of looking back and realizing that there are things in life that we will look back and think, oh, I gave that a lot of energy and, at the end of the day, it wasn't something that needed that kind of energy. But sometimes it is incredibly disappointing and we have to go back to accepting the things we cannot change.
Speaker 1:You have shown up fully in a relationship and you've given your best thoughts and your best feelings and your best actions, and that person doesn't feel compelled in any way to treat you with honor or respect. That's a very frustrating place to be. You can feel frustration, you can feel betrayal, you can feel aggravated and you can decide I'm so loved and valuable. I won't continue to give my energy to a relationship with somebody, whether it's for pay, at work, it's in a volunteer role, it's with family, it's with friends. I will stop giving energy to a relationship that no longer serves me. Relationships that serve me personally are relationships where people think that I'm worthy of their time and energy. So I feel heard, respected, loved. I'm also able to be in relationship with people and think thoughts like they are doing the best they can. I don't have to feel frustrated or angry or resentful. But I may not wish to give much energy to that relationship anymore, and so what I want for you today is to put your hand on your heart, close your eyes from a deep place of love to notice what's important to you, and let's go back to creating a home you love coming home to.
Speaker 1:What if what's important to you is going into your bathroom, having a place where you store your makeup and your hair products, and you want to open it and just really enjoy it? You want to enjoy the whole process of putting on your skincare and doing your hair and right now it is so full of different things, expired things, things that need to be thrown out, things that are not even being used by you anymore and it feels like a mess when you open it. It doesn't feel open and loving and respectful and enjoyable. When you open that drawer, it feels yucky. What if you're worth 30 minutes to open the drawer, take out everything that doesn't serve. You throw it away, give it away whatever you need to do, clean it out and only put back the things you truly love. And every time you open that drawer, it makes you smile. You can't wait to put on that face cream. You can't wait to do your hair. Wouldn't that be a beautiful way to live?
Speaker 1:And that's what I love to call people to making the decisions for their own life that fill them with joy and fill them with purpose. You are made on purpose for a purpose, and one of the ways we get distracted from that is just living these overwhelmed, exhausted, confused lives. That's why I want to invite you every single week to join me for my live group coaching. I'm creating a community to cheer you on and I've already created the whole system where I can just basically hold you by the hand. You have the resources to access at any time of day.
Speaker 1:They're all recorded, but we also have a live group session every week where we do what I talk about on this podcast. We hold space to accept the things we cannot change. We feel the feelings, we process them and then we make one small decision a week that moves them in the direction that we all want to go towards peace, towards love, towards connection. So if you'd like to be part of that community, you can head over to kellytibbetscom. You can also follow me on Facebook or Instagram. Send me a direct message. I'd love to connect with you. You can join me for the first two weeks of any group coaching session at no cost, just to see if we're a good fit, if you enjoy being part of this community and, as we move forward throughout the spring and summer, I have so many exciting guest speakers coming on and connections with different things that I'm sharing, so I'm so glad that you're part of my community.
Speaker 1:If you've been listening just today or for a while, would you mind doing one more thing? Would you go onto the podcast platform that you use Spotify, apple and would you rate and review this and, if possible, share it with one or two of your friends? That would mean the world to me, to get this good news into the hands of other exhausted, depleted, overwhelmed women and help them to live a vibrant life. I hope you have an awesome week. I'll see you soon. A Vibrant Life. I hope you have an awesome week. I'll see you soon. Thank you for joining the Live a Vibrant Life podcast. I hope our time together encouraged you and will equip you with the tools you need to move into the vibrant life you desire. I'm here to help you live a brave, creative, purpose-filled life, and if you'd like to learn more, you can follow me on Instagram or Facebook, kelly Tibbetts Life Coach, or visit my website, kellytibbettscom. I look forward to connecting again soon. Thank you.