The Vibrant Life Podcast with Life Coach Kelly Tibbitts
How Well Do You Know Yourself? ( Episode 86)
Apr 16, 2024
Kelly Tibbitts
Healthy self awareness changes everything!
I believe that transformation occurs when we embrace self awareness and grow in self love. It is the foundation of my coaching philosophy.
We live A Vibrant Life when we are healthy in all areas of life. Creating a personalized road map allows you to grow in self knowledge as you notice your strengths & weaknesses. Adding the “Manual of Me” to your toolbox of coaching tools allows you to navigate life, understand what makes you “tick” and create mutually flourishing relationships.
Main points:
My favorite fundamental tools of self awareness include both the Working Genius and the Enneagram.
These resources have helped me to understand why I think and feel and do life the way I do and why the people that I'm in relationship with think and feel and do life so differently from me.
My idea behind the Manual of Me is that it is ever growing and evolving as you move through seasons of life- not something you make once and are done with it.
I believe that transformation occurs when we embrace self awareness and grow in self love. It is the foundation of my coaching philosophy.
We live A Vibrant Life when we are healthy in all areas of life. Creating a personalized road map allows you to grow in self knowledge as you notice your strengths & weaknesses. Adding the “Manual of Me” to your toolbox of coaching tools allows you to navigate life, understand what makes you “tick” and create mutually flourishing relationships.
Main points:
My favorite fundamental tools of self awareness include both the Working Genius and the Enneagram.
These resources have helped me to understand why I think and feel and do life the way I do and why the people that I'm in relationship with think and feel and do life so differently from me.
My idea behind the Manual of Me is that it is ever growing and evolving as you move through seasons of life- not something you make once and are done with it.
Welcome to the Live a Vibrant Life podcast. I'm life coach Kelly Tibbitts, and each week I'll be here to encourage and equip you with the tools you need to grow in self-awareness and invest your best energy in your dreams and your purpose. I believe self-awareness changes everything. Let's get started. Hey friends, I am so excited today to talk to you about the upcoming series in my Live a Vibrant Life program. As I've created this program, it has slowly moved from one to two to three to now six seasonal series, or sprints, and each of the series starts the same way we notice what's important, we decide one or two things that we want to prioritize and we create small action steps to move us forward. And so for the late spring, we are starting a new series that helps us understand the power of self-awareness. I think that self-awareness changes everything. So we're going to break the series up into two mini-series One is about the working genius and the second part is going to be on the Enneagram. I am certified in both of those and they transformed the way that I understand myself, the way that I'm able to lead myself and lead others, and the way that I can be in relationships and show up with more grace and understanding. So today I wanted to tell you a little bit about this tool that I created called the Manual of Me, and the idea for that came a few years ago. We were visiting my youngest daughter at college and while we were there, my husband's family joined us for a meal one day and my mother-in-law actually said to me wouldn't it be nice if people came with a manual, like a way to understand each other, the way you can understand a car when they give you a manual to understand all the little buttons and things? And I had never thought about that, but it's so true. That's the power that I found through the Enneagram. There were resources that helped me to understand why I think and feel and do life the way I do and why the people that I'm in relationship with, who have a different path, think and feel and do life so differently. So it started me down a road that really led to the big idea of why I think that I'm a life coach. I think that life coaching helps you understand yourself and I think that self-awareness changes everything. So this series is going to help you grow in self-awareness. I hope by the end you're going to have a lot of aha moments of why certain things that you think and feel and do bring energy to you and why other things actually can exhaust or deplete you. So we'll be spending some time in the beginning of the series on the idea of the working genius, and you may never have heard of this before.
Kelly Tibbitts:
It's a newer tool in the self-awareness toolbox. You may have heard more about Myers-Briggs, which helps us understand, on the continuum from introversion to extroversion, where you are, and all that means is do you get energy by being around other people? Do they energize you? Do you re-energize yourself by being alone? Are you more introverted, more extroverted? And it has a bunch of other nuances and many people have somewhere along the line, maybe at college or in a job done some of these self-awareness tools.
Kelly Tibbitts:
Unfortunately, what happens a lot of times is you get a little bit of information back like a little sticker that says you know you are an ENFJ or you've done the strength finders and there's 30, more than 30 different strengths that all humans have access to. Some are easier and energize you, some are exhausting. I used this a lot when I was leading a team and it was because it gave me great self-awareness to know that the first thing that energized me out of all these different human strengths was the idea of input, and so I love podcasts and books and going to conferences. I love input. It energizes me to read and discern what other people are sharing. But if I took my five strengths and made an acronym, I was able to remember them better. So the acronym I made was the word happy. It's spelled wrong and it's not my strengths in order, but it is my top five, and so my top five are harmony, arranger, positivity, input and includer, and each of those words there's some parts of that characteristic that serve me and there are parts of it that, by knowing about it, helps me understand why I'm doing things that aren't always in my best interest.
Kelly Tibbitts:
I'm just going to use the idea of includer for one. It is just naturally for me to look out, see who is leaning in, who may feel left out of a conversation and want to include them, and that's very kind. But where it doesn't serve me, particularly in my coaching program, is when I try really hard to begin anything that I share on time and someone might come a few minutes later. It's my natural instinct to want to go back to the beginning, to include them, to allow people into leadership roles that they weren't created for, because they wanted to be included. So you can see that growing in self-awareness helps you to notice without judgment how human of me we are all going to have different strengths and weaknesses and if we can be aware of them and notice them and then decide how we want to use that information, I promise it's going to serve you as you grow into the healthiest version of you. So that is what we will be talking about this season how to fill in this manual of me, and I'm going to give you a very simplified version.
Kelly Tibbitts:
If you join my coaching program you're going to get a more in-depth version, but just something to start with. And the picture on the front comes from the idea of a Cairn and I hope I'm saying it right C-A-I-R-N, where you might see them at the beach or the mountains, where people take one rock and then they put another rock in another rock, and I kind of think that's what self-awareness looks like. It's the first little bit of information you might have about yourself. Again, I go back to Myers-Briggs. A lot of people have a big aha when they hear if they are more introverted or more extroverted. I knew it served my children to learn this at a very young age and it served me as their mom to not expect when they came home from school, that they were going to be overflowing with energy because they'd just been around a lot of people. They were more introverted and they needed time alone to just refuel themselves, and because they know that they can create really good life practices now as adults living on their own. So that might be your first. You might've read a birth order book that gives you some really good information. Are you first, middle, last? Only there are some things that you might start to say, oh well, that makes sense as you start to learn it.
Kelly Tibbitts:
I love the Working Genius and the Enneagram. I'm going to go a little bit deeper into both of those today and whatever tool you're learning, I offer a tool around the different types of energy and how it flows, and for me, learning that my mental energy was strong when I first woke up really helped me to live a more vibrant life, because before I go to bed at night, I decide what project I want to work on where I can use some of my mental energy. It's a good time for me to think of questions. It's a good time for me to edit content. It's a good time for me to send out an email. It is not a good time for me to do physical work. My physical energy kind of builds in the morning and then also really takes a big dip mid-afternoon. So there's so many layers to understanding ourself. What we try to do in the coaching program is just hold space for about 30 minutes a week for you to grow in your understanding, so you can apply it to your own life, taking those little, small baby steps that move you forward.
Kelly Tibbitts:
If you've listened to me for any time, you've probably heard me speak about Cathy Heller. She's one of my favorite podcasters. I've learned a lot from her and she shared this idea the other day that I think was just brilliant. If you're like me and you listen to a lot of voices, read a lot of books, sometimes you can become overwhelmed with all the information. And here's an idea when you were younger, did you ever do that little art project where you took glue and you wrote your name with glue and then the teacher gave you some glitter and you sprinkled it over your name and shook it off and your name now was covered in glitter.
Kelly Tibbitts:
That's kind of what happens to all of us now with so much access to information, whether it's through Instagram or it's being in person, and you can't apply every single thing, but there are pieces that are for you. So to kind of think of it like that, like this morning you're writing your name in glue, you're going to have all this input come throughout the day. Some of it is for you now, some of it you might listen to the same podcast three years later and get something completely different from it. So just allow that, like close your eyes, hand on your heart if it's safe to do so, to close your eyes, taking that deep breath in and out a little bit further, with the breath on the way out, so that your body knows you're safe, and just notice. What would you like to learn about yourself?
Kelly Tibbitts:
Today, I'm going to share two tools, see if any of them bring out any interest or some aha moments, or just, I'd like to go a little bit deeper. Or maybe what you'll notice is that doesn't sound like me at all and that also serves us, doesn't it? Because it allows us to know that there probably are other people that think, feel and do life the way that version is describing, and it's okay, nothing's gone wrong. But it's going to be a little harder to be in relationship and community when we think, feel and do life differently. And so the widget is the acronym that Pat Lencioni shares for his self-awareness tool, and so the six letters that spell widget help you understand that there are areas in life where you are a genius, and when you get to do that part of the work process it fills you with energy. And there are other areas that you are probably competent in, and there are at least one or two areas that are a working frustration, and when you have to do them on repeat, you can lose your energy. And so I'm just going to tell you the six types. You can listen to some of my older podcasts with Working Genius guests on it Pat Lencioni has a Working Genius podcast or you can join us for some of the free events coming up where we go deeper. So the six steps the first one is to wonder If I asked you right now to take a blank piece of paper and think about something that's important.
Kelly Tibbitts:
Do you want to write a book? Do you want to start creating a community so that you have people around you on a regular basis who are moving you forward. Do you want to have a great relationship with someone in your life? Do you want a promotion at work? If you had a blank piece of paper in front of you, is it possible for you to write three to five questions? See if that's easy. See if you're able to do it. See if it's kind of hard. Just notice Now, if you wrote down two to three, maybe five, questions, see if you can pick one. Maybe it's when could I write a book? Then you want to ideate. Pretend there's a whiteboard and markers in front of you. Come up with all of the ideas you can. I could ideate at two o'clock in the morning when I'm not sleeping. I could write down five possible chapter titles when I'm sitting with my child in the carpool line using my notes app. I don't know, I don't really love ideating, but if you do, see if you notice how easy it is for you to come up with three to five ideas about that first question.
Kelly Tibbitts:
Once you have the ideas, now we want to discern. So when you're ideating, no judgment, just let them be all over the place, but discerning says what is actually the best step. There's so many possible steps. What's the best step? Some of the people I coach this was huge for them to realize that discerning drains them. When they have to discern, they lose their mental energy quickly. It makes them not want to continue on. For others, like me, that is a really energizing thing. I would love nothing more than to equip and discern with people all day long. I love it and it energizes me.
Kelly Tibbitts:
The next step of the widget is the letter G and that's for galvanizing. It's getting yourself and others to move forward in what we've agreed to do, and if you just stop and think about it, you probably can think of somebody that you've known in the past who, when they walk in a room, people just want to follow them and it's easy for them. And maybe you are that person, or maybe you might be on the other side, frustrated by it, and every time that you have to get yourself and others going, it drains you. So W-I-D-G E is the enabler, the equipper, the one who loves to help other people succeed. This is why I became a teacher. It's why I loved being a mom of young children, but what served me when they were young was a lot of coaching and therapy and life work to stop doing when they were older, because it was no longer appropriate for me to be trying to equip and enable people who were perfectly capable of doing it on their own. So every one of these six steps, there are things that serve the process and things that if you could stop doing it, it would allow the process to move along. And then the last thing is the T it is finishing what we said we were going to start. We began with some questions. We came up with an idea, we discerned what was our first step. We galvanized ourself and others to move forward with it. We equipped and allowed people to do their special gifts to make that process move forward. And now it's time to finish what we started.
Kelly Tibbitts:
The one thing to notice if you are strong in T, it gives you energy. There are many times in life you're not allowed to T. You know what to do, you know how to finish it, but you're not the voice in the room with the authority. Or, like in my case, you had little preschoolers or toddlers around and every time you cleaned everything up, they took it all apart. That can be very frustrating. So there's a nuance to understanding each of these six steps to discovering your genius, and that's what I love to do for people. I love to invite you in, spend time with you, help you grow in self-awareness. And so the manual of me says what am I noticing If self-awareness changes everything? What am I noticing thing? So use the tools you've already maybe spent some time and money taking the test or reading the book or learning and then lean in for this next series and learn a little bit more about the six step process to getting work done and about the nine paths of the Enneagram. Now I'm an Enneagram coach. I've been doing this since 2016.
Kelly Tibbitts:
The Enneagram is not simple or easy. I cannot explain all of the nuance in the next minute. What I want you to know is the Enneagram gives you language for the thinking and the feeling and the doing that you are already experiencing as a human being. But each of us do it in a different way. Some of us think first, some of us feel first, some of us know in our body what to do and what not to do, and because of that, each of us is unique and individual, and the Enneagram gives us so many layers of information. It tells you whether you, if you're just prone to taking your thoughts and finding the positive, most likely, exciting, future, focused outcome. It helps you understand that in your body you have information and sometimes it's easy for you to trust it. It's like if you're walking through the woods, you just sort of in your gut, nowhere to go, or if you're more prone to trying to find the peace and looking for others to lead the way. Maybe you're trying to do the right thing for the right reason.
Kelly Tibbitts:
There's nine different paths of thinking, feeling and doing life, and there are different ways that make it easier for you. And then there are times when you are in stress or in health and the path that you're normally on it's a little bit different, and we call those ways of doing life. Sometimes we're saying we're using the behavior of the wings. Those are the two numbers on either side of our number. Sometimes we say we're on our stress path or we're on a path to health, and so, because the Enneagram is so complicated, what I want to give you today is if it's something you're interested in learning more about.
Kelly Tibbitts:
I have several podcasts that point to the Enneagram. I also think Suzanne Stabile is a fantastic teacher of the Enneagram. She has two books out there that could help you grow, or you could just go over to the Enneagram Institute, which is online, and they have some really wonderful ways for you to learn more about yourself. What I've done is taken my years of information, the books I've read, the conferences I've learned from the certification I have, and I've made a very simple path for you to find your way, and that's part of the Enneagram course that we teach. And the good news when you join my Live a Vibrant Life coaching program, you get access to everything from the entire year, not just the program that we're working on right now. So if you want to dig deep into the Enneagram, you can join us for live coaching and you can head over to the online library, where I've made a very simple path of a small lesson to listen to and then a little bit of work to do to help find your way of thinking, feeling and doing life.
Kelly Tibbitts:
And it all comes down to the same exact reason for why I'm teaching this. I think self-awareness changes everything. If you knew yourself, the way I've learned to understand myself, you're going to have so much grace for yourself and as a follower of Jesus. He said love God with your heart, soul, mind and strength, and I want to do that. Love your neighbor as yourself. That sentence says that in order for me to love other people, I need to love myself. And when I grew in self-awareness, I grew in grace and kindness and loving kindness for myself, and that's what I want for everyone.
Kelly Tibbitts:
I've made my program incredibly affordable so that every single person can get access to the tools that can change their life. Just like I got access to some of the most amazing teachers out there got certified, for a reason I'm already a teacher and a pastor. I take those skills and bring them into our community, and I've had the gift now of working with people for over three years and hearing them say the life change they're experiencing by being part of this community. So if you'd like to find out more, you can head over to kellytibbitts. com. You can follow me on Facebook or Instagram, send me an email at coaching at kellytibbitts. com. And again, if you want to learn a little bit more about the Working Genius or the Enneagram, I have several podcasts listed right in these notes, but you can just go through my back podcast and you will see they're titled Enneagram Working Genius.
Kelly Tibbitts:
Sometimes the best way to find our path is to listen to someone else speak. It will either help us say, yeah, I think I do it similar to you or no, I think I'm very different from you. That's always a gift we can give ourselves. It's just to be in community, love ourselves deeply, have grace and hold space for others. I look forward to be back. We'll be spending quite a few weeks in this series of growing in self-awareness. You can begin your path today by downloading the manual of me and taking those first steps to self-awareness because, friend, self-awareness changes everything. I'll see you soon. Thank you for joining the Live a Vibrant Life podcast. I hope our time together encouraged you and will equip you with the tools you need to move into the vibrant life you desire. I'm here to help you live a brave, creative, purpose-filled life and if you'd like to learn more, you can follow me on Instagram or Facebook, Kelly Tibbitts Life Coach, or visit my website, kellytibbitts. com. I look forward to connecting again soon, you.