Pee Pee and The Keeeey

ACP Shorties
In this excerpt from the cutting room floor, we're discussing a listener submitted query. We may take a few detours in the process. It's about to get weird!

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__created by Colleen Devaney & Seth Spears
__edited & produced by Colleen Devaney
__independently produced in Maryland by Good Job, Weener Productions

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Key Words: pee in the shower, water conservation, witchy, umbilical

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Transcript

00:00:06 Speaker 1

Alright cool so we have anymore.

00:00:08 Speaker 2

Yeah, one more.

00:00:11 Speaker 2

This one is just entitled question and it says hey guys, this isn't necessarily a confession per southeast, it's more than.

00:00:17 Speaker 2

It's more that I want to ask a question.

00:00:19 Speaker 2

Am I weird for thinking my wife is weird?

00:00:22 Speaker 2

Let me elaborate.

00:00:24 Speaker 1

No boy.

00:00:24 Speaker 2

She keeps all our kids fallen off, body pieces, teeth, umbilical cord, nail clippings, etc in a chest in the claw.

00:00:33 Speaker 2

It sounds terrible when you feed that back, but it's weird, right?

00:00:39 Speaker 2

I told her I was going to email you all about it and now she's not talking to me LOL.

00:00:46 Speaker 2

She'll get over it.

00:00:47 Speaker 2

She's not really mad, just worried that everyone will agree with me and think that she's weird.

00:00:52 Speaker 2

While I think she's weird for doing this, it's really not a big deal.

00:00:56 Speaker 2

They're her kids.

00:00:57 Speaker 2

She carried them and she can keep whatever body pieces.

00:01:00 Speaker 3

She wants I.

00:01:02 Speaker 2

Will however, start storing up used baby wipes.

00:01:05 Speaker 2

From changing the newborn in my closet in a chest for her to find later.

00:01:09 Speaker 2

Just kidding.

00:01:12 Speaker 2

Alright, so I kind of told him my wife, so I'll be fair and tell on myself too.

00:01:19 Speaker 2

Here's something I can confess.

00:01:21 Speaker 2

I pee in the shower.

00:01:23

Is that weird?

00:01:24

That's it.

00:01:27 Speaker 2

That's the end.

00:01:28 Speaker 2

So this is cool 'cause he he's like confessed or he's telling his wife asking if it's weird what she does.

00:01:35 Speaker 2

That's the advice piece, right?

00:01:35 Speaker 1

OK.

00:01:36 Speaker 2

He's wondering what is what is this?

00:01:38 Speaker 2

Is this weird?

00:01:39 Speaker 2

And then he confessed on himself, he told himself and then he asks us.

00:01:42 Speaker 2

Is that weird?

00:01:44 Speaker 1

OK.

00:01:47 Speaker 1

Please tell me who does not pee in the shower.

00:01:54 Speaker 2

You know many, many years ago there was an ad campaign for water conservation and it was a.

00:02:01 Speaker 2

It was a radio ad that would play all the time, especially on like the Eastern Shore.

00:02:05 Speaker 2

Or maybe it's just 'cause I was living out there at the time.

00:02:07 Speaker 2

Anyway, this is like when I was a teenager it started.

00:02:10 Speaker 2

And it was this commercial and just had random people saying I pee in the shower.

00:02:14 Speaker 2

I'd be in the shower.

00:02:15 Speaker 2

I'd be in a show up in the shower.

00:02:17 Speaker 2

And was holding like.

00:02:18 Speaker 2

Everybody saying they pee.

00:02:19 Speaker 2

In the shower to.

00:02:20 Speaker 2

Save water that was the whole radio commercial.

00:02:25 Speaker 3

Excuse me it.

00:02:27 Speaker 2

Doesn't tell you.

00:02:29 Speaker 2

I pee in the shower you might be.

00:02:30 Speaker 2

In the shower I've.

00:02:32

Heard this wrong.

00:02:32 Speaker 2

There's all these different random people saying that they pee in the shower.

00:02:35 Speaker 2

That was the radio ad or water conservation.

00:02:37 Speaker 1

What the hell?

00:02:39 Speaker 1

Where were you living in a desert?

00:02:41 Speaker 2

No, and it was in Ocean City, MD.

00:02:44 Speaker 1

Man, that's just weird.

00:02:45 Speaker 1

I don't know about.

00:02:47 Speaker 2

Did you not just say that you pee in?

00:02:49 Speaker 1

The shower, yeah, but what?

00:02:51 Speaker 1

Why have a whole damn campaign about look if you gotta go to the bathroom and get in the shower everytime.

00:02:56 Speaker 1

Actually whole bunch of **** ***** out here right?

00:02:58 Speaker 1

With a fully clothed.

00:02:59 Speaker 1

Then we turn the shower on and this pee in the shower thinking it goes somewhere else.

00:03:03 Speaker 2

It's true.

00:03:04 Speaker 1

******* people like you know what I mean?

00:03:06 Speaker 1

It's like Oh yeah, Oh yeah, I go pee just pee in the shower.

00:03:10 Speaker 1

You're conserving.

00:03:12 Speaker 2

And that was the radio campaign.

00:03:15 Speaker 1

OK, so if you do that.

00:03:18 Speaker 1

I'm getting ****** I can't even.

00:03:20 Speaker 1

Talk with him.

00:03:20 Speaker 2

Why you mad?

00:03:22 Speaker 1

He told.

00:03:22 Speaker 1

Rubbing my legs like.

00:03:24 Speaker 2

You look just uncomfortable right now.

00:03:24

This man.

00:03:26 Speaker 2

What is wrong with you?

00:03:27 Speaker 1

Just about the I'm about to explode about it.

00:03:32 Speaker 1

You know, it really grinds my gears.

00:03:35 Speaker 1

Look what is that doing peeing in the shower when the shower is on?

00:03:39 Speaker 1

Or is it about peeing in the shower because you want to flush the toilet?

00:03:42 Speaker 2

I think the ad was saying that they pee.

00:03:44

I don't.

00:03:44 Speaker 2

Know honestly, that's a very good question.

00:03:47 Speaker 2

'cause the the?

00:03:48 Speaker 2

Radio commercial bag and they did not specify.

00:03:50 Speaker 2

They weren't like oh just pee into the shower like a urinal type thing.

00:03:54 Speaker 1

Right, that's what I'm saying.

00:03:54 Speaker 2

There wasn't no.

00:03:56 Speaker 2

I think I think they meant.

00:03:57 Speaker 2

And while they're in the shower, I think, well, that's what I.

00:04:01 Speaker 2

Always took it as.

00:04:01 Speaker 1

Alright, so how many gallons of water is that really going to?

00:04:02 Speaker 2

But I don't know for sure.

00:04:04 Speaker 1

That because you know the folks over in Delaware.

00:04:06 Speaker 1

They don't really shower that often, so you know.

00:04:09 Speaker 1

I don't know how that's even going to work.

00:04:12 Speaker 1

That doesn't make any damn sense.

00:04:13 Speaker 1

I got questions now I gotta find that thing now I'm gonna scour the Internet and I'm going to find that I pee in the shower.

00:04:19 Speaker 1

See if that.

00:04:20 Speaker 2

Please try to find it.

00:04:20 Speaker 1

Is I'm going to.

00:04:21 Speaker 2

Oh my gosh.

00:04:21 Speaker 1

Find that thing and I'm going to find out what the hell is this.

00:04:22 Speaker 2

I would love to hear that.

00:04:25 Speaker 1

OK, so let's really take this back a little bit.

00:04:27 Speaker 1

OK, so you're peeing in the shower?

00:04:30 Speaker 1

So if did.

00:04:30 Speaker 2

You completely skipped over the the woman stuff.

00:04:34 Speaker 1

Oh mate, so forget her for now.

00:04:34 Speaker 2

With the body pieces.

00:04:36 Speaker 1

Forget her for now.

00:04:37 Speaker 1

Let's talk about this weirdo.

00:04:38 Speaker 1

That's doing this alright.

00:04:40 Speaker 1

So are we talking about OK?

00:04:44 Speaker 1

So if you pee in the shower like it's a uh, no flush urinal, that would actually technically save water.

00:04:52 Speaker 2

Right?

00:04:52 Speaker 1

Your bathroom would smell.

00:04:55 Speaker 1

Like a gym.

00:04:56 Speaker 1

Right or worse?

00:04:59 Speaker 1

It would, it would.

00:05:00 Speaker 1

They would smell like, uh, this an airplane bathroom.

00:05:05

Oh God.

00:05:06 Speaker 1

Or like you're in the you're in the project staircase.

00:05:10 Speaker 1

That's what it, oh God, oh man.

00:05:12 Speaker 2

Yeah, under the stairwell, yeah.

00:05:14 Speaker 1

Oh God, let's not even go there but I'm saying like you have to clean the thing, right?

00:05:17 Speaker 1

You can't just go pee and down the drain, you get splatter.

00:05:20 Speaker 1

All over the place, it's going to smell like ****

00:05:21 Speaker 2

So, so let's assume.

00:05:23 Speaker 2

That all the people that are talking about peeing in the shower.

00:05:27 Speaker 2

Meanwhile they're taking a shower.

00:05:29 Speaker 1

OK, that's not.

00:05:30 Speaker 2

Let's just let's just assume that is your body going to relax a little bit more 'cause right.

00:05:34 Speaker 2

Now your shoulders are like up to your ears.

00:05:36 Speaker 3

I'm tense, I'm just talking.

00:05:37

See that yeah?

00:05:41 Speaker 2

See where's your neck?

00:05:44 Speaker 1

I know you came.

00:05:45 Speaker 1

To see my neck.

00:05:47 Speaker 1

I'm so ****** and irritated with this with this listener right again.

00:05:53 Speaker 1

How many irritated writer?

00:05:55 Speaker 1

I mean, you got me irritated right now.

00:05:57 Speaker 1

I don't know when I think about.

00:05:58 Speaker 1

This whole situation alright, so look.

00:06:00 Speaker 1

The water is already running anyway, right?

00:06:02 Speaker 1

So yeah, if you pee in the shower, you're not really saving anything.

00:06:05 Speaker 1

What you need to do is get a dual flush toilet.

00:06:08 Speaker 1

That's what you do.

00:06:10 Speaker 2

OK, you are.

00:06:11 Speaker 2

You are so often off the whole thing.

00:06:14 Speaker 2

This person did not ask about.

00:06:16 Speaker 2

Should I be?

00:06:17

Being in the shower.

00:06:19 Speaker 2

There's there's no advice on that part.

00:06:23 Speaker 2

Come on.

00:06:23 Speaker 1

OK alright OK.

00:06:24 Speaker 2

What you need to do is get it done.

00:06:24 Speaker 1

I'll just, I know I'm all, yeah.

00:06:29 Speaker 1

But he was getting compost and toilet.

00:06:32 Speaker 1

Wait a minute.

00:06:33 Speaker 1

Don't eat the peanut shower or not bro, OK?

00:06:35 Speaker 2

The question the question.

00:06:37 Speaker 2

Was is he weird for thinking his wife is weird and then at the end he says he pees in the shower and they?

00:06:37 Speaker 1

Jesus, I'm falling off the rails here.

00:06:43 Speaker 2

Says is that weird?

00:06:45 Speaker 1

OK.

00:06:45 Speaker 2

That's so all the questions.

00:06:46 Speaker 1

Right?

00:06:46 Speaker 2

Are is it weird?

00:06:48 Speaker 1

My weirdness is coming out.

00:06:49 Speaker 2

Is it weird?

00:06:50 Speaker 2

Is it?

00:06:51 Speaker 2

Is it weird that his wife collects and keeps body pieces?

00:06:54 Speaker 1

Alright, so back to this lady.

00:06:56 Speaker 1

OK so.

00:06:58 Speaker 1

I hold on.

00:06:59 Speaker 1

I wanna say one more.

00:06:59 Speaker 1

Thing about this guy peeing in shower.

00:07:02 Speaker 3

This is.

00:07:03 Speaker 1

And I'm going to move on.

00:07:06 Speaker 1

All right, look, you're not weird for peeing in the shower, but what you could do if you want to conserve and save the planet, you can run now.

00:07:12 Speaker 1

You could pee while the water is running your suds up, and then you throw the shower on it and then you rinse off or get the rest of the P down there and now that'll make you less weird.

00:07:23 Speaker 1

All right, I'm done.

00:07:24 Speaker 1

I'm done with that guy.

00:07:26 Speaker 1

Let's let's talk about this.

00:07:29 Speaker 1

Let's talk about this later.

00:07:30 Speaker 1

OK, so all right?

00:07:32 Speaker 1

So no, it's not strange to have your.

00:07:35 Speaker 1

I mean my mom had my teeth.

00:07:37 Speaker 2

OK.

00:07:38 Speaker 1

All my baby teeth.

00:07:39 Speaker 1

My mom had my first haircut.

00:07:40 Speaker 1

The tuft of hair.

00:07:42 Speaker 1

I think I still have that.

00:07:42 Speaker 2

My grandmother kept my kept like a a lock of my hair.

00:07:46 Speaker 2

I don't know.

00:07:46 Speaker 2

I mean, I guess my family threw it away at this point, but.

00:07:50 Speaker 1

Yeah, you gotta be careful man.

00:07:51 Speaker 1

'cause you come from a family of witches man.

00:07:54 Speaker 1

So you know who knows what they're doing.

00:07:56 Speaker 1

With your artifacts.

00:07:57 Speaker 2

Well, there's a.

00:07:58 Speaker 2

There's a nice subset of just.

00:08:00 Speaker 2

Humongous ********

00:08:06 Speaker 1

So I don't think I'll I don't.

00:08:08 Speaker 1

That's all that strange.

00:08:08 Speaker 1

Now with the umbilical cord, I don't know.

00:08:11 Speaker 1

That's kind of unsanitary.

00:08:13 Speaker 2

I've heard of people keeping those.

00:08:14 Speaker 1

Why that's disgusting.

00:08:15 Speaker 2

I don't know why.

00:08:17 Speaker 2

Have you seen them?

00:08:18 Speaker 2

Pretty gnarly.

00:08:19 Speaker 1

I've seen a newborn baby.

00:08:20 Speaker 1

It's pretty disgusting too.

00:08:23 Speaker 1

Anyway, yeah, and they're long.

00:08:25 Speaker 1

They're disgusting.

00:08:26 Speaker 1

I maybe.

00:08:26 Speaker 1

They get dried out.

00:08:27 Speaker 1

I think that they do something like the Jewish faith too.

00:08:30 Speaker 1

They do something with that umbilical cord or something like that.

00:08:32 Speaker 1

I don't know.

00:08:33 Speaker 1

I I could be making that.

00:08:34 Speaker 1

No, but I think there's a some kind of a religion.

00:08:38 Speaker 1

I'm saying it could be the Jewish faith.

00:08:40 Speaker 1

I could be completely off.

00:08:41 Speaker 1

But maybe there's.

00:08:42 Speaker 1

People out there that keep these umbilical cords, but I'm thinking that it's a wet item would have to like keep it in something.

00:08:49 Speaker 1

Or can you just dry it out like put it in a dehydrator?

00:08:51 Speaker 1

That's just that's disgusting.

00:08:51 Speaker 2

Yeah, when when people save them they they dry out and they keep them these little dehydrated pieces of like maybe like an inch or so long.

00:09:00 Speaker 1

You know what this is going to sound crazy look, I'm already crazy enough already, right?

00:09:04 Speaker 1

The Bourbon is already gone alright, so look.

00:09:08 Speaker 1

If you do this nowadays.

00:09:11 Speaker 1

That is a real thing people are doing that now, not the dehydrating situation.

00:09:15 Speaker 1

'cause if you get that mixed up, we do that with the jerky like you may just get that you buy.

00:09:18 Speaker 1

Oh this, all this jerky goes this came out tough.

00:09:22 Speaker 2

Need some salt.

00:09:23 Speaker 1

That would be embarrassing, but anyway, so with the whole stem cell thing, the whole stem cell research and all that when it comes to that, they get that stuff from the umbilical cord because I forgot the whole connection and all that.

00:09:36 Speaker 1

But people do that.

00:09:37 Speaker 2

It would.

00:09:37 Speaker 2

It would need to be.

00:09:38 Speaker 2

Stored properly, then not just in a baggie.

00:09:40 Speaker 1

Right, no baggie next to the next to the beef jerky.

00:09:41

Something in the closet.

00:09:45 Speaker 2

Wrapping up parchment paper.

00:09:49 Speaker 1

So don't open till 2025.

00:09:53 Speaker 1

Disgusting on build.

00:09:54 Speaker 1

Well your 20th birthday gonna give you this.

00:09:57 Speaker 1

What is it?

00:09:58 Speaker 1

It's a piece of jerky.

00:09:58

Maybe that's what?

00:09:59 Speaker 2

Maybe that's what she's doing.

00:10:00 Speaker 2

She's saving little chest and one day she's going to gift it back to the child.

00:10:04 Speaker 1

The child you say like it's some like some.

00:10:06

It's a jab.

00:10:08 Speaker 3

Give it to the child.

00:10:11 Speaker 3

Give it to the child.

00:10:13 Speaker 3

Make a chalice man from the teeth.

00:10:16 Speaker 2

You could you can make jewelry from that ****

00:10:19 Speaker 2

I wouldn't want to.

00:10:20 Speaker 2

But she can.

00:10:20 Speaker 1

No OK, OK, here we go.

00:10:21 Speaker 1

Let's go off the rails here.

00:10:22 Speaker 1

Alright, so reader listener.

00:10:24 Speaker 1

I keep calm people readers.

00:10:26 Speaker 1

I'm the damn reader, I should say call her alright caller alright?

00:10:31 Speaker 1

So look, your wife is not crazy.

00:10:33 Speaker 1

It's a little weird with the umbilical cord.

00:10:35 Speaker 1

I get that the hair, the teeth fingernails is a little weird.

00:10:37 Speaker 2

Nail trimmings, too.

00:10:38 Speaker 2

That's a little much.

00:10:39 Speaker 1

That's getting little now if you yeah, you could do that now if you want to get really crazy with it, you could pound all those nail clippings up, pound those up, and put that in some kind of a Talisman and have that be a necklace if you want to get creative.

00:10:52 Speaker 1

And weird with it I.

00:10:53 Speaker 2

Don't know it.

00:10:54 Speaker 2

The whole thing is a little strange, I would say.

00:10:57 Speaker 2

The teeth are OK and maybe saving some hair like 1 lock of hair as a memory.

00:11:01 Speaker 1

That's it, but not the rest of stuff.

00:11:02 Speaker 2

Yeah, but all the rest of the stuff, like every time the nails are clipped I don't get it.

00:11:06 Speaker 1

That's disgusting DNA.

00:11:08 Speaker 1

You never know.

00:11:09 Speaker 1

See, you just always leave your stuff behind.

00:11:11 Speaker 1

You may need a DNA or whatever.

00:11:13 Speaker 1

Who knows.

00:11:13 Speaker 2

Clone clone another child, the child.

00:11:15 Speaker 1

If I wind up missing.

00:11:17 Speaker 3

Clone clone the child.

00:11:21 Speaker 3

We will clone the child.

00:11:25 Speaker 3

With the artifacts of nailed teeth hair.

00:11:31 Speaker 2

Number local call.

00:11:32 Speaker 3

And umbilical cord is the key.

00:11:38 Speaker 1

That sounds awful.

00:11:39

That's funny.

00:11:41

Oh right, oh

00:11:42

My God.

00:11:42 Speaker 1

Alright, so that Lady is probably a witch undercover.

00:11:45 Speaker 1

That's all I can say about that.

00:11:46 Speaker 1

'cause she has too many talismans and artifacts from a child in a voodoo doll.

00:11:52 Speaker 2

It's in the chest.

00:11:53 Speaker 2

In the closet.

00:11:54 Speaker 3

In the chair, so get me my special chest.

00:11:58 Speaker 3

The one with the umbilical cord that's the key.

00:12:07 Speaker 2

Oh my God.

00:12:09 Speaker 2

Moving on.

00:12:10 Speaker 1

Oh man, that was a humdinger.

00:12:11 Speaker 1

Alright man, we just took this one way out of contact.

00:12:14

Oh my God.

00:12:16 Speaker 1

Dehydrated umbilical cord.

00:12:19 Speaker 1

With the pinch of salt.

00:12:21 Speaker 2

The keys.

00:12:30 Speaker 1

I can't with you.

00:12:34 Speaker 1

That sounds super creepy.

00:12:44 Speaker 1

Oh great alright, good stuff alright.

00:12:47 Speaker 1

Oh man, no more these podcasts we're gonna end up being on a TV show with this.

00:12:51 Speaker 1

Stuff like this would be like another doctor Drew and Adam Corolla situation.

00:12:56 Speaker 2

Oh my God I.

00:12:57 Speaker 2

Would love that actually.